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Reading Reviews for Hey Little Train
  
5 Reviews Found

Review #1, by American Ginny Let's Dance

3rd April 2017:
It's an interesting perspective. I think I would've really liked to seen more internal conflict come out. Really dwell in that moment of temptation the movie holds between them. What made them pull back? Why didn't they dive into the kiss? What stopped the tension wafting between them? I really like the idea. I would actually challenge you to take this and break it up into two chapters - one for hermione and one for harry. Take time walking with both of them in the same moments to really express what they are both going through. Overall, nice job. A few mistakes like missing words or misspellings, but nothing too bad. Well done. Keep up the solid work.

Author's Response: Hey, thank you for this lovely review! It's honestly been so long since I've written this and I've got so many other projects I'm working on that I probably won't come back to this and re-write it. However, I do appreciate your comments because I like the idea of lengthening it out more and giving a perspective from Harry as well! I'm happy you enjoyed it. :)
~MadiMalfoy x


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Review #2, by Dojh167 Let's Dance

6th March 2016:
For the HPFF Review-A-Thon

As much as I hate the movies for changing almost everything else, I really loved this scene in the film, and I like that you chose to revisit here.

Right off the bat, I love the poetic sense you are creating with the eleven days that have passed and the less than eleven words that have passed between Harry and Hermione.

While it is a great image, I feel that shattering into a million shards is maybe a little over-dramatic for Hermione. I do not deny that she is deepy suffering, I just can't picture her showing it in that way. Or maybe that is how Harry fears she would react, which is more believable to me.

I think the line saying that Harry was losing faith in both finding the Horcruxes and cheering Hermione up was very fitting. People tend to focus on Hermione's emotional state during this time, which makes sense, but it was a very dark time for Harry as well.

I really lie the parallelism the second to last line, where you say that Ron was where he wanted to be and Harry and Hermione were where they needed to be. It really says a lot. It implies that Ron may be more selfishly motivated, but also that Harry and Hermione had no choice in the matter, at least the way that they see it. It also implies that Ron was needed there to, but had turned away from that.

Nice job with this chapter!

Sam.

Author's Response: Hi Sam, apologies for the extremely late response!

This scene really resonated with me as well in the movie, because it really exemplifies how much like brother and sister Harry & Hermione are, so I wanted to do my best and capture that bond in words. I've since changed my wording of that sentence to something less dramatic "she would crack" instead of "shattering" -- I agree it was too much. I think Harry knows Hermione well enough he wouldn't expect something that explosive, but he's also never seen her get her heart broken in this manner nor with such high of stakes as they have here, so he's not sure either with what he can say.

I'm so glad you enjoyed that line! To be honest I think that summed up this whole section of the book/film with Ron gone because of how fruitless both finding another Horcrux/how to destroy the locket and Ron being able to find them and come back was. Ron is Harry's best mate and that's something that does often get overlooked here, especially in the movie, because they do tend to focus on how Hermione's feeling rather than how Harry is feeling. Ron was Harry's confidante on almost all things in his life, perhaps except for matters concerning his and Ginny's relationship obviously, so having Ron leave hurt him as well, but he's not as good about showing his emotions.

The last few lines really felt like it summed it up in the right way to me. It explained why Ron left and also why Harry and Hermione chose to stay and continue the fight against Voldemort. Ron's a very complex character, but is often reduced to funny and always eating, so I'm glad that at least some of his more morally ambiguous character was able to shine through here.

Thanks for the phenomenally detailed review, Sam! :)
~MadiMalfoy x


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Review #3, by LivingFairytale Let's Dance

27th August 2015:
Hi MadiMalfoy! It's LivingFairytale from the forums with your requested review. I just turned on the track 'Hey Little Train' to get in the right mood, so let's get started lol!

First Impression:
First of all, I love the story banner, it's pretty and immediately attracts me to the story! I really like to read Harry/Hermione (I also think they should have ended up together, unfortunately Miss Rowling thought otherwise..)

Flow/Pace/Plot:
You said you are worried about the pace of the story, I guess I understand why you think that. The story is quite short (not that it bothers me though!) and maybe a little bit rushed at some point indeed. The whole dancing scene was wonderfully written, but I think you can get more out of the first part. Maybe you could add some more description or dialogue, or maybe a flashback to give the first part a little more depth too. I liked the fact that the story wasn't overly romantic. (Even though I'm a real Harry/Hermione shipper.) It's not something that suits them.

Characterization:
I like the way you portrayed Hermione. I think her character was spot-on and delightful to read; I could really feel her sadness! Overall, I think you did a great job on writing this one-shot. I very much enjoyed reading it, so thank you for requesting!

x LivingFairytale

Author's Response: Let's ignore my horribly late response to this lovely review, shall we? :P

I'm so happy you liked this one-shot! I've always wanted to try a Harry/Hermione story and Asphodel gave me the perfect outlet! For this, I didn't want it to seem too romancy--I feel like at this point in their travels, they were very much bonded like brother & sister and I wanted to expand on that--the support system you get from having a sibling even if you may not like them all of the time.

I actually had quite a bit of trouble with the beginning--I didn't know how to lead into the dancing scene, so I just kind of powered through it and let it be once I got to the main part, but I would agree that adding in a flashback or just a little description/dialogue would help smooth things out a bit. Ah, Hermione. My favorite character to write and the one I identify with quite a lot. I feel extremely happy that you enjoyed my portrayal of her and that her sadness seemed deep enough without being OOC.

Thank you for this amazing review, I will have to request from you again in the future! :)
~MadiMalfoy x


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Review #4, by bigblackdog Let's Dance

13th July 2015:
i like how you explored their mental states and developed their thoughts while still staying true to the canon (or movie canon). harry and hermione's emotional reactions to ron's departure seem very true to character!

Author's Response: Thank you! This scene was a time where both of them were hurting and so they turned to each other for support. I'm glad you think my characterizations/thought processes/emotional reactions of both of them were true to character.

Thanks for stopping by! :)
~MadiMalfoy x


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Review #5, by Lady Asphodel Let's Dance

12th July 2015:
Yay another Harry/Hermione feels! I enjoyed reading this quite a lot. For the simple fact that your story-telling is smooth and in character for both Harry and Hermione. Despite being a shipper of them, majority of fanfics pertaining this ship always somehow manage to mess them up, which kind of makes me sad because it gives other people especially who don't ship them reason to not like this pairing.


As you've said, even though it's not overly romantic, I feel that their friendship is their romantic relationship. I don't feel like Harry and Hermione have to go all googly eye, wovey dovey corny cheesy with each other to be romantically in love. I find writers often do that with this scene.


Just them being there for each other when they need it is what is needed. That's what you did here. You showed Hermione needing someone to lean her shoulder on, and he was there. That's how Rowling wrote them, and I'm happy you wrote them this way as well.


Even though this story wasn't requested by me per say, I still enjoyed reading this and I want to thank you for writing this. :)



- Asphodel

Author's Response: I actually quite enjoy writing Harry/Hermione now, although I've never really gotten into reading it. (Perhaps it's because I love Harry/Ginny and Draco/Hermione too much) It makes me very happy that you think I've gotten their characterizations right for this piece because I was worried I didn't explain enough!

I feel that if I had made this overly romantic, it would have cheapened the moment and their friendship. I like how you said it--their friendship is their romantic relationship. They were supporting each other during a tough time and that doesn't have to mean they're kissing and whatnot. It can be as simple as dancing in a silly manner and holding each other. I'm honored you compare my way of writing them to JK *blushes*

I'm so happy you enjoyed this! The muggle AU you requested will be up very soon! :)
~MadiMalfoy x


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