Our website is made possible by displaying online advertisements to our visitors.
Please consider supporting us by disabling your ad blocker.






Reading Reviews for Fair Agony, Fair Madness
  
10 Reviews Found

Review #1, by AlexFan Prologue

2nd November 2015:
I’m so sorry for taking so long with your reviews, really I am, truthfully I don’t even know why it’s taken me so long and I have absolutely no excuse but nonetheless, here I am with my review and I hope it proves useful in some way, no matter how small.

First off, I really like the pace of the story, it feels like you’re slowly introducing us to the characters and to the situation without thrusting everything all at once at the reader. It gives me time to settle into the story, so for me the pace was great. I loved how you introduced who the protagonist was without having to give us her name. I also loved the sense of mystery throughout the story. It keeps the suspense going and it also adds in with the fact that Lily doesn’t want to talk about whatever happened to her.

I like how the chapter ended on a happier note than it began and then you immediately switched to a more serious and ominous tone of the story when you brought up the letter again. I thought you did a really good job of keeping the chapter mysterious, you manage to hint at something terrible happening without giving away what actually happened so that the reader will come back to find out what went down with Lily and why she won’t go to the memorial.

Again, so sorry for taking so long with this review but I finally did it!

 Report Review

Review #2, by AlecJamesCaius_ Chapter II : Crystal Clear

29th July 2015:
Woohoo! First to review your new chapter!

I absolutely loved this chapter! I'm not entirely sure why I liked this one so much more than the previous one (but I still liked the previous, don't misunderstand!) but I think it has something to do with the feel of this one.

It was all just so perfect, Dom(called it!) and Al reminiscing about the past at the lake and the story of how they found it was cute as well. I think it spoke to me in particular because I love it when something like that happens: for example when I'm playing football with my friends the whole day on a warm summer day, and then at the end of the day as the sun is going down we are all sitting together on the ground(perhaps under a tree for shadow) and just start reminiscing about the past and the fun times we had: That time friend A shot a ball through the window of a house and the owner chased him for 10 minutes straight; that time friend B got busted talking about what he would do to teacher A etc. etc. ...

It are such moments that are just so wonderful. This chapter really gave me such a feel -- don't know the word for it in English, but that feeling when you're thinking about the past and get that smile/grin on your face.

You did a good job at keeping up the suspense about what exactly happened and why everyone is acting the way they are acting. One thing that stood out to me that you can improve on is that you very often switch in tense. One sentence may be past tense, the next may be now and the one after that may be past tense again. It did disrupt the flow of reading a bit. But honestly, you got me very into the story with this one. Its a bummer I have to wait for the next chapter now :/

Alec

Author's Response: Hi there Alec

Thank you for the review ! About the change of tense part, it's actually very common when the story travels between past and present: past tense for past events and present tense for present events.. I hope that clears things for you !

Come back for more and for cookies

Doe


 Report Review

Review #3, by cherry_pop94 Chapter I : The Burrow

24th July 2015:
Hello! I'm back with another review!

I'm so sorry I for some reason assumed it was Rose in the last chapter... I don't know at all why I did that... I'm wondering now... is it Dominique? She's the only one... right?

Gah, I should just stop making guesses.

Anyway, I really like the relationship between all the Weasleys. They seem like such a sweet family, especially the way they're described in the last paragraph in italics. There's also just such a sense of sadness in that paragraph!

You've still left a whole lot of mystery surrounding this story in this chapter! I'm excited to see what happens next!

Author's Response: Thank you for stopping by again ! I really appreciate it !
I hope you will like what goes on next in this story ^^

DaaOne


 Report Review

Review #4, by cherry_pop94 Prologue

21st July 2015:
Hello there! I'm here for the review you requested on my thread! Firstly, I'm so sorry that it took me so long to get here!

I really like the beginning of this where you describe the letter. I'm really curious as to who it's from! And who's memorial are Rose and Albus talking about? I'm wondering if the letter and the memorial are from/for the same person?

As prologues go, I enjoyed this. You've left a good amount of mystery (who's the letter from, who's memorial?) and introduced two important characters really well already. Rose is obviously going through some tremendous grief, so we're seeing a very different part of her person here.

You've asked for my opinion on the plot, so there it is! I think this is shaping up to be really interesting. Based on your summary, I'm assuming that a character originally thought dead is coming back? I think this could possibly become a cliched story, but so far, I like what I'm reading. I'm eager to check out the next few chapters! I see you've posted quite a few more since you requested the review originally.

I'll be back soon to read more of this!

Stefanie

Author's Response: Hello there,

I noticed you guessed the female character of the story is Rose even though I didn't specify that. haha this is kind of hard to say, but she's not Rose.. Albus has so many cousins.. When you read the next chapters you will realize that this wasn't Rose speaking.

Thank you for your review, I really loved it and I hope you will keep on reading this story ^^

DaaOne


 Report Review

Review #5, by Gabriella Hunter Chapter I : The Burrow

14th July 2015:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums with your review, I'm sorry that this took a minute. I've been really busy and things have been crazy lately!

So, I thought about this story a while back and was wondering what had happened to make your main character split off from the family. There are so many good little clues here in this chapter that have me curious, Lily seems like a very cheerful and upbeat sort of character and I enjoyed being in her mind. It was great to see the family through her eyes and there are some great underlying tension here and there. I was wondering why Victoire was upset, why Hermione seemed so cranky and what was going on with Albus. I feel like they might all be connected and I'm eager to find out more, it's apparent that Albus has vanished like this more than once. What I do really enjoy is the fact that your family dynamics are really strong here, you can see how much Lily loves her family but you also, from the very beginning, know that it doesn't last.

What added to this was the sense that Lily was speaking in past tenses in the italic section. I understand that something major happened and I really want to know what it was, five years is a long time to go without seeing your family you know. I also loved the addition of Scorpius into this chapter and how normal it all appeared, you didn't need to go into this overly detailed thing about how he was friends with Albus. He simply was there and that spoke volumes.

I do wonder what's going to happen once they actually find Albus though. Are Lily's feelings for Scorpius deeper than that of a big brother? Hm...that's also got me wondering. Hahaha.

Great chapter, I'll be back!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hi there,

Thank you again for doing this :hug:

I really loved writing this chapter and I spend a lot of time writing my chapters so that I can have the full effect I want.

I love the fact that I was clear enough about Lily's character you actually felt it through the chapter and that is something that's making me grin right now.

I also love that you liked my description of the family and the general mood in the burrow.

Whatever confusion or questions you have will surely be answered in the next chapters, chapter 3 being currently under construction. But I hope you will come back for more ^^

Much Love,

DaaOne


 Report Review

Review #6, by AlecJamesCaius_ Chapter I : The Burrow

5th July 2015:
Suprise! Alec here. You've given me so much feedback on my story, I thought I'd review one of yours since I have nothing on my hands atm.

I read the first chapter as well, and I think its a little bit odd the first chapter was from a certain persons pov while this one is from an all-knowing story teller. Was this... Intended? Haha. One thing I liked is how you describe the characters in how they look and what they're wearing&doing, however at a times it was maybe a bit too much. We also don't know who the person in the first chapter was, right? I'm guessing its Dom, from reading this chapter?

This story has a pretty sad tone to it as of now, bc of something that happened those 5 years ago. So, did Victoire and Teddy die because of Dom? Did she cheat with Teddy on Victoire? And has she since left the family? I'm completely lost xD ... Just speculating, I'm probably completely wrong here.

the biggest concern in this story would be the grammar mistakes. Example: "he makes himself busy"
Grammar mistakes like that are big enough to get you out of the story a bit. I'd suggest getting a beta reader or something similar because the reading wasn't as fluid as it could have been. I'm excited about where the story will go though, since, based on my crazy speculations, it could become very interesting.

Alec

Author's Response: Hello there Alec and thank you for stopping by and taking time to review my story ! Reviews really make my day ^^

The first chapter was intended to be in a character's PoV because it's the prologue, it's like chapter 0 or an introduction. The other chapters will be from a narrator's PoV.

The idea I was looking for is to make you confused as to who this person is and drop a few hints along the way before I reveal her identity: from the first chapter you already know it's a girl, so that lowers the number of people..

As to what exactly happened, you'll have to keep on reading to know *winks* I have a plot already set, but it's subject to various changes as the story moves along, but the whole idea revolves around few mysteries for the reader to solve the first one being who the main character is.

I have concerns about grammar yes, and I'm working on it and hopefully it will get better :D

I hope you continue reading my story.

Thank you for this review

DaaOne


 Report Review

Review #7, by Shadowkat Prologue

29th June 2015:
Here for the review swap. Sorry, I started reading something and it was only about...five hours later I actually looked at the clock? I swear it only seemed like twentyfive minutes, not twenty five chapters! Honest!

First, I might start with some CC. It might be smart to have a beta. There were a few misspellings and grammar errors littered around that could be cleaned up. You could also change some of the wording. Albus especially feels a bit stiff and formal, but you might be trying for that. If that's the case, ignore that last bit.

For the positive: suspense. That's the huge thing. You're really making me wonder here, and I like that. I'm guessing someone died, right? Hmm...guess we'll have to see!

Overall, great job!

Author's Response: Hello there, thank you for stopping by and reading my story.

First, I apologize for the delayed reply as I've been MIA for a while.

I will go over my chapters bit by bit to edit and work on the grammar and the wording and I am going to get someone to help me with all the grammar issues. As for Albus, you will understand later on why he acted that way around his cousin. I really don't want to spoil anything for now, so just hold on tight :D

Thank you for the review and I hope you will be back for more :D

DaaOne


 Report Review

Review #8, by Gabriella Hunter Prologue

21st June 2015:
HELLO!

This is Gabbie from the forums dropping by with your review and I am SOOO sorry that this took a minute! I have been busy and real life was being a jerk. Like, why?

On to this! Your story has a really interesting edge of darkness and mystery. I love a story like that and I'm going to try and piece together everything as I go on. I can't help but wonder what's going on here and I'm hoping that you'll be dropping by little hints here and there for me to pick up on. :D

It's always great seeing Albus in a story and this version of him appears awfully laid back. I've seen a lot of stories where he's shy, awkward (Like mine) or this big Quidditch hunk so this is a nice change. I do wonder what kind of memorial they're talking about here...also, I'm not sure if you're doing this on purpose or not but I would like to know who your main character is. I think just a little sentence or paragraph explaining that would clear up a lot of things but not detract from the mystery that you're setting up. You've got a dark history or some awful past that I'd love to read up on but I think that you need to make it clear who this story is about, just a little. It doesn't have to be anything fancy or broad either, I just need a person to visualize but I am curious as to what the trouble is all about. Why not go back for the memorial? What happened between them all that she would avoid her family? Hm...so many questions.

I thought that this was a good fast-paced first chapter too but a little more detail about their surroundings/clothes and things could help juice it up a little more. There was this little grammar thing that you could take out too: "Since I know no one of these people" should just be "none". That's all that I spotted though so don't worry about it!

Haunt my thread again!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hello there !

Thank you so much for the review and I'm happy you liked my prologue. About the main character, I thought about it and I'm going to drop a few hints within the chapters, until my character is ready to come clean *winks*. But I won't make the guessing game dull, so no worries about that !

The prologue was meant to set up the mood for the story, a general context that's not too specific. But hopefully with the next chapter things will start to clear up.

About the grammar remark, I've already went on and edited that part but I'm still waiting for the edited version to be validated.

I'm happy you liked this first chapter and I hope you'll come back for more !

Thank you for the review
xo
DaaOne


 Report Review

Review #9, by Tonks1247 Prologue

17th June 2015:
Hello!

I saw your post on the forums and had a couple minutes so I decided to swing by for a read.

I like what you have going here. I like the italic parts at the beginning and the end. I'm super curious as to what this letter is and you give me just enough information to leave me hanging and wanting more! It's a really good tactic, too, to have it separate from the other writing. It's a different style of writing and I quite enjoyed the effect it had!

I will admit, I am a bit confused as to which character's you're working with here. It's obvious that Albus is a part of this, as he's said as much, and I know he's talking to a cousin...my only guess would be Rose? But again, I'm not sure. Which I do think you could get away with not explicitly saying her name, but if so, I'd make sure the hints are a bit more distinct. By this, I mean there's a part early on where Albus says:

"Mum made it very clear that it is my duty to make sure you wouldn’t miss the memorial this year."

That line made me think Lily, but later, you have Albus referring to her as cousin, which put a spin on the confusion as to who was being referred to. And as I've said, you wouldn't have to come out clearly and say which cousin he was talking to, but make sure the hints make it a bit more obvious as to who he is talking to, as there are a number of people he could be referring to.

The only other thing I noticed was at points, the wording in some sentences is a bit awkward and the word choice isn't all the best. It takes some time to figure out what works well in a sentence, so one of my suggestions would be to read what you've written out loud to make sure it sounds alright read. I read pretty much everything I write outloud, not just in my head, cause I catch a lot more weird wordings and such. I do have two examples of sentences, with suggestions on how to make them flow better below, if it's of any help:

"Not that it mattered if it wasn’t since I know no one of these people." -maybe something more like "Not that it mattered if it wasn't, as no one really knew me here."

"I was done ever since it all happened!" -maybe turning the sentence around? "Since it all happened, I was just done with the whole situation."

Overall, you've got quite a good start here! I like how it's never quite clear what the problem is or even who the characters are, as it's always fun to have prologues that keep you guessing! It makes me want to know more and come back with updates to see what happens! There are wording things here and there that don't flow quite as nicely, but those come with time!

Great job so far! Keep up the good work!
-Mikaela

Author's Response: Thank you for taking the time to read and review my chapter :D

About the character: in the rest of the chapters it will become clearer who this person is. The idea is to leave you guessing and bit by bit ruling out some of the characters until I reveal who it actually is later on in the story. So, patience :D

As to the wording, I must admit I get carried away with my writing that I don't pay attention sometimes. But it's a good thing you mentionned it. This chapter will get edited soon so I will take your suggestions into consideration !

Again, I appreciate your contribution, I love these reviews that alert you to different issues/ mistakes in your chapters. So thank you for reading !


 Report Review

Review #10, by Elfwynn  Prologue

16th June 2015:
What an interesting start. I really like the way you have set the story up; so much reticence. Why won’t she open the letter? Why won’t she go to the memorial? What was it that she lost? Who was it that she lost? There are so many questions… and that just makes me curious to read more.
I really like the way you haven’t explicitly named the main character in this first chapter. It gives it that air of frustration that I felt when I read Daphne du Maurier’s ‘Rebecca’ in which you never find out the protagonists name. Without knowing the characters name, I find that I am forced to think a little more about their idiosyncrasies and how they relate to the other characters.
I would like to read more.
Elfy

Author's Response: I'm glad you like it, I was really hesitating at first about posting this! The idea is still not exactly clear but I'm working on it and hopefully it will evolve!
About the main character though, the mystery will be revealed in a few chapters and you're going to end up guessing eventually.. The idea isn't to hide who she is, because the story needs her to be even more involved in the events :) I won't spoil the fun though ;)

Thank you for the review I really appreciate it


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login