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Reading Reviews for The Biggest Lie
  
2 Reviews Found

Review #1, by MadiMalfoy The Biggest Lie

22nd September 2015:
Hello! I'm here with the review you asked for a few weeks ago on the forums! :)

Firstly, welcome back to HPFF! ♥ It's always exciting to have members return after multiple-year hiatuses!

*gasp* A Dramione? Well OF COURSE I'm going to read it! And it's for ad astra's Sink Your Ship challenge too, which makes it even better! I was actually considering an entry for it but couldn't find the time (although I think my most recent story definitely would qualify).

But anyway, back to the actual review! Since you were wanting my opinion on everything, I'll do my best to give you a detailed review without repeating myself too much!

As far as the plot goes, I think it's a cool idea! However, it could use a bit of spicing up--what's the project for Potions, and how/why would Snape ever pair his favorite student with one of his least favorite? What year are they in for this? The setting, when clearly defined, really gives the story more plausibility and allows the reader to become more involved with what is happening. With that being said, you write that Draco and Hermione meet regularly in the library once the project is done; with that it seems natural to show a scene of one of those meetings so we really get a feel for how these two interact with each other and possible feelings they might hold toward each other. Also, it's very important to be consistent with your tenses--when you flip between a thought in Hermione's head to the present, the verb tense sometimes doesn't match the setting correctly, but that can be fixed easily with a once-over. Typically, I write in one tense the whole time and only switch it if it's dialogue being spoken.

With characterization, this is almost too short to really get a feel for what Draco and Hermione are like. By showing, not telling, the readers little details about the characters while they interact, you give them an attribute that makes them less one-dimensional and more like a real person. So, by saying that Draco always flicks his left earlobe when he gets nervous, or Hermione tucks a curl behind her ear when talking about something she's passionate about, you not only give them more depth but also expand on the tone of the scene. Draco's coldness should be much more apparent at the end as well--after he tells her he doesn't see her like that, the next times they interact he would characteristically be rude and cold towards her. You've got Hermione's thought process down pretty well though--she goes through everything logically as best she can before giving up on that part of her brain and turning to her emotional side instead--very good job with that!

Your premise works, but if you expand the details you simply provide offhandedly, I think you could have a phenomenal one-shot here about love and heartbreak. :) Please feel free to come back and request for other stories you may write! :)
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Thank you for your review and for you taking your time to write it :)
You had some very good points about the setting and I must confess that when I wrote the story I was in doubt about where and when I wanted to place the story, so I took the easy way out and left it open, without saying too much. However, now that I have read your review I can see that I did the story more harm than good by doing this. So I'll work more on this for the my next pieces of works.
Your comments about the characterization are really spot on and I completely agree with you. This inspired me to start on working on a bigger story where I can really work with the characters and show their different sides and characteristic.

Again thank you, for the review! :D


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Review #2, by maskedmuggle The Biggest Lie

17th June 2015:
Hi there!

I really enjoyed reading this, and I thought you did an awesome job writing it. Dramione is usually hit and miss for me, usually because it's completely unrealistic. In this one, I thought your Draco characterisation was pretty much perfect and spot on - I can totally imagine him seeming to be indifferent and cold with his feelings towards Hermione. Whilst at the beginning, you did try to set the scene for how it had come to be this way - how they first started hanging out, and how over time Hermione got to see Draco in a different way, I do still struggle to see and believe that something like this would happen in the completely canon world (that is to say, Hermione falling in love with Draco).

Having said that though, I did very much like your writing. Those ending lines were especially very powerful, in my opinion, and it did leave me almost rooting for Dramione just because of how heartbroken Hermione was. All in all, I liked your plot here of unrequited love, and I thought it was a very, very good story.

- Charlotte

Author's Response: Thank you very much, Charlotte, for your review! It really warms my heart. Thank you for taking the time to write it.

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