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Reading Reviews for Unbearable
4 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Ydnas Odell Unbearable

24th August 2015:
Actually, it is amazing. Very unique and well done.

Author's Response: Hello,

Wow, thank you very much for such a kind review, it means a lot to me! :)


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Review #2, by MargaretLane Unbearable

24th August 2015:
Poor, poor Hermione. I always wondered how she dealt with this. It was such a horrific experience and she seemed to just brush it aside and move on.

I LOVE the first paragraph. It really shows her utter terror.

And I think it's totally in character for Hermione to feel she has to remain strong, not matter how horrific the events she's going through.

I can't believe this is your first story. It is so atmospheric and so well written. The only bit of constructive criticism I'd give is that the last line seems a bit rushed and doesn't quite fit with the line above. Putting a line before it, indicating Bellatrix is speaking might help with that.

All in all an excellent story. Hope I get to read more from you.

Author's Response: Hello,

Thank you for taking the time to review, it means so much to me. I wasn't expecting any at all! I'm happy that you think I kept Hermione's character as I tried really hard to do that, so I guess it worked. :)
I will work on that bit and hopefully I can improve upon it so that it doesn't as sound rushed, thank you for pointing that out. Thank you again for such a lovely review.


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Review #3, by TreacleTart Unbearable

19th August 2015:
Hi there!

I happened to be scrolling through the one-shots lost and came across this, so I thought is stop and leave you a review.

I really liked that this started out sort of vague. You don't know who exactly is narrating the story, but it could be a whole number of people. This had my mind whirring trying to think of which characters fit.

By the middle of the second paragraph it becomes more apparent that it's Hermione being tortured. I thought you did a good job of conveying the sheer terror and agony that Hermione is feeling while this is all happening. It really paints a vivid picture.

I also liked that you kept this short because sometimes horror can get to be too much when it drags on and on. This was very concise and too the point. I like that you give us just enough detail to understand what's happening and then leave the rest to the readers imagination.

Now I always like to try and include just a bit of constructive criticism in my reviews if I can, so here goes. I did find the first paragraph a bit repetitive. Strategic repetition can be a good thing, but just be careful about overdoing it.

All in all, I think this was a nice piece. And congratulations on posting your first piece!


Author's Response: Hello Kaitlin,

Thank you for taking the time to review my first story! It really does mean so much to me. :)
I'm very happy that you enjoyed it, I was aiming for readers to not know exactly what was happening at the beginning so I'm glad that worked out! I'm also pleased that you thought I showed Hermione's emotions well.
I realised that I'd used the word 'just' a few too many times, so I've cut a few of them out, Im going to go over the story again - that first paragraph especially - to try and make it less repetitive, thank you for letting me know about it. :)
Your review was so nice, thank you again!


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Review #4, by Shadowkat Unbearable

18th August 2015:
This was actually really good. Do you mean first fanfiction, or really your first story? Either way, dang! XD

Author's Response: Hello,

Thank you for such a great review, it really made my day! :)
To clarify I mean my first story here, as I have tried to write before a long time ago, but I was terrible, and although I still need to improve a LOT to become a halfway decent writer, I would like to think that I have got a little bit better since then.
Thank you again for your lovely review,


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