Reading Reviews for Erised
10 Reviews Found

Review #1, by GMBurns Chapter Three

17th February 2016:
This is such a good story! I would love to see more chapters to it, what happens when Fred is brought out of the magical coma? Does George forgive Hermione? Do Fred and Hermione end up together? Not to sound greedy, but more would most definitely be preferred.

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Review #2, by ReluctantMuggle Chapter Three

11th December 2015:
Ah I really love this story! I can't wait to read more.

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Review #3, by Magical mayhem Chapter Three

16th November 2015:
I love this story so far and can't wait to read more!

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Review #4, by bright_eyed_burnette Chapter Three

29th August 2015:
I'm totally hooked on your story. I rarely review things unless I really like the story and its plot!! Keep up the good work and I will be anxiously waiting for the next time you update!! Already becoming one of my favorites!! Best!

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Review #5, by MeeshsWand Chapter Three

29th August 2015:
Hoping there is more to come! Great so far!

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Review #6, by dakotanight Chapter Three

24th August 2015:
I love what you've writen so far and can't wait to read more.

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Review #7, by Amsterdam Chapter Two

29th June 2015:
Haha I was looking just earlier today whether you had updated and before you hadn't but now you have. YES :) Great chapter, I am wondering what the reactions will be when they see who's in the room with Minerva.

I felt like this chapter "hopped" a little more than the first one, which felt more carefully build. Nevertheless, keep up the good work. Looking forward to the next!

Author's Response: Thank you for your review! I'm hoping that I'll be able to get the next chapter up soon :)

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Review #8, by Fred The Beginning

23rd June 2015:
Woah! Such a great beginning! Cannot wait to read the rest.

Author's Response: Thank you for your kind words! Hopefully the next chapter will be validated soon :)

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Review #9, by lilysprayer The Beginning

16th June 2015:
I'll admit that I came looking for more Fred/Hermione - I read your Dance with Me story the other day!
I like the beginning of your story, the idea of the mirrors magic bringing Fred back is clever and original. It would be great to find out more about the magic behind that in later chapters!
The part where you talked about George appearing to have everything he wanted to an outsider was beautifully written.
I'm looking forward to reading more!
P.S.There is a sentence right before you switch to McGonagall's pov that I think you meant to delete... It's half finished and looks as though you hadn't decided to switch pov when you wrote it. Just a quick editing fix!

Author's Response: Oh gosh. I thought I posted the write chapter, so thank you for showing that to me! I'll be updating it very soon and re-posting the first chapter as well.

Thank you though for the really nice review and I hope that you'll stick around for more!


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Review #10, by Dojh167 The Beginning

5th June 2015:
First off, I got chills just reading the story summary. Way to go.

Your writing style is really engaging and creative, which is really exciting to see in a writer who hasn't posted many chapters. I think you could definitely benefit from a beta reader who focuses on grammar and sentence structure, as sometimes your words get a little garbled and some grammatical conventions are misused. But even then, I found your words very, very engaging.

One of the mistakes that you made several times was spelling the past tense of was as "we're" instead of "were." There are several mistakes like this and missing or overused words that could be fixed by just doing an extra read through when you edit.

George standing in front of the mirror is such a compelling idea, as without looking closely it seems that he has all that he desires, until you see that detail that it's not his actual reflection. Agh, feelings!

Beautiful: "She had cried for every moment she had seen him and not touched him, she then cried for every moment she had touched him and not held him"

The way that this chapter is taking place in two places (in front of the mirror and the final battle) is kind of confusing, and I can't always tell which is which. It could help to write the earlier event in the past perfect, so instead of "she stood" it would be "she had stood." Another possibility is to treat the battle scene as a flashback and put it in italics.

That last section was really dramatic, and felt kind of cinematic in its drama and imagery. Minerva strikes a good balance between having some understanding of what's going on (which helps ground the incident in reality, rather than it's just crazy stuff happening) and being frightened and out of her depth (which adds gravity, as she's so smart and capable).

This is a really original idea and I am really excited to have found it. Keep an eye out on the areas I mentioned, and keep writing boldly!

Please feel free to chat with me anytime - you seem like a writer with great potential and I would be happy to help you grow in any way I could.


Author's Response: Thank you a lot for your wonderfully constructive review. There are definitely some things that I need to work on with my writing. I always find myself rambling along trying to describe everything as I imagine it in my head, and then sometimes it doesn't translate properly onto well not paper but well word.

I actually like that idea about the italics and I think i may do that. I have another almost finished story that I actually did that in. Everything from the past was put in italics and I think it really helped the reader.

Thank you for the kind words and for all of your suggestions! I will definitely have to PM you at some point once I hopefully flesh this out a bit more.

Thank you for taking your time to review this!


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