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4 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Jayna The proposal

22nd February 2016:
Hello again! I was scanning through some stories with the search function and this one popped up! I vaguely remembered reading and reviewing the first chapter so I figured I'd come back and see what had happened since we last saw the characters.

I noticed that you changed some of the things I mentioned in my last review, and it's always nice to see that. So anyway, onto the review!

The first thing I noticed was that you seem to have one line from the previous chapter/time before you move onto a new time. It's jarring and doesn't really fit. Perhaps move it to the end of the last chapter or leave it out all together?

In addition, if you're pulling a direct quote from the books it's generally good manners to cite at least which of the books it's from, if not the page number. It was good that you mentioned that it was a quote from the books in passing, but it would probably be better to cite it a little more specifically.

On the same track, I guess I was a little confusing in my last review, but disclaimers are when you say "characters/setting/anything you recognize belongs to JKR" (or something along those lines). It doesn't matter if it's put at the beginning or the end. So by extension, what you have at the beginning, where you talk about yourself and the story, is still an Author's Note or A/N.

Last, something I've noticed is that you'll generally get more reviews if you
a. Give something for people to give you feedback on (so perhaps in the A/N mention something like "I'd love some feedback on my characterization of Ginny")
b. Are polite and ask nicely. You might get more reviews with something like "I'd really appreciate a review and any feedback you guys could give me. :)"
c. Show that their time and energy is appreciated. This basically means respond to any reviews you get, even if it's just a "Thanks for reviewing, I'll definitely take your comments into consideration" or "Wow, I'm glad you liked this story!"

On the actual content of your story, there aren't any glaring problems. I mean, you've got some typos and mostly minor grammar errors (although there are some bigger ones in there too), but nothing too big.

Personally, in my head Ginny isn't characterized quite the way she is in your story, but that's the great thing about fanfiction. Ginny can be whatever she wants to you, as long as it's consistent.

So yeah, good job! I can definitely see some big improvements from the first time I read the first chapter of this. Keep up the good work! Again, if you need anything, the offer still stands. Shoot me a PM on the forums and I'll get back to you :)

-Jayna

Author's Response: You are so helpful to me! I literallycannot thank you enough for your help and support. Have you heard of Wattpad? If you have, do you have an account on it? I'd love for you to help me with my stories on there, even though there aren't any HP ones. There is a Phan AU in Hogwarts and I was thinking of doing some HP stories.

Again, thanks for you're help and support, my stories would be terrible without it.


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Review #2, by equuleus Planning and Ginny's first breakdown.

16th July 2015:
Why are they at Hogwarts? I'm confused.

Author's Response: they're helping with the aftermath

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Review #3, by Jayna The morning after the battle.

14th July 2015:
Hi! Firstly, a couple of things. 1. In the future I would advise you not to review your own story. While I'm not sure if it's in the rules, I know that reviewing your own story CAN get you in minor trouble with the staff. I don't mean to alarm you, and you will most probably be fine, but I wouldn't want you to make the same mistake again.

2. You don't have to include that there are spoilers in your summary. Include it in the warnings and people who don't want spoilers won't read it. However, making the majority of the summary into a note from you will deter a lot of potential readers.

3. Your "a note from me section at the end of a story is generally called an Author's Note, or A/N for short. The one at the beginning is generally called a disclaimer. You don't have to change it, but I would suggest you do.

4. Your summary needs some substance. Give me a cliffhanger, a preview of the plot. I know that can be difficult when you haven't thought out where the story will go, but once you do, you should change your summary. In addition, saying you don't know where your story is going is another MAJOR reader turn off. No one wants to read a story that isn't going anywhere or doesn't have a plot. Either add it in your Author's Note or get rid of it all together.

5. Your story is a great first fic, and I really hope you will continue to write and become a part of this community. Welcome the HPFF!

6. I really hope I wasn't too mean. I didn't mean too give so much criticism. But honestly, I am excited to see where your story goes and if you ever want someone to look a chapter over before you post it, feel free to send me a PM on the forums.

-Jayna

Author's Response: ik ive answered before but it says unanswered

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Review #4, by RomioneXxXGirry The morning after the battle.

2nd June 2015:
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Author's Response: Thank you to me for reviewing, it was very kind of you.

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