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Reading Reviews for Welcome to the LC
  
41 Reviews Found

Review #1, by krazyboutharryginny The things we do for brownies and/or the electric bill

14th April 2017:
Hiya Elise! Jailbreaking for CTF :)

I've been meaning to read this story for a while now, so I'm glad this competition gave me the kick in the butt I needed to finally get to it!

So like, right away I'm in love with your main character. I just love her whole attitude, and how despite having kind of a tough-girl thing going on she's kind towards someone like Timothy, and not even overtly mean to Moriam. And she reads comics! Seriously, love.

Also, I think you did a really great job with this setting. I worked in a local coffee shop for a little while and so it was really, I guess, familiar for me the way she knew all the regulars, kind of had her opinions about them, knew what they would get and how much they would tip - that was all just very real, and a great way to set up Delilah's surroundings while also establishing that she's been there a while.

Which brings me to my next point. This story is (unfortunately) so relatable. I too graduated high school with amazing marks and am now kind of faffing about with no idea what I want to do. I think you've done a really great job capturing what's an increasingly common situation for young people in a way that's more humorous than depressing. While reading I wasn't like "ugh, this is just reminding me of how badly I need to figure out what to major in, I'm miserable now", but at the same time I still really related to Delilah. So I think you managed to tread that fine sort of line where it's like, yeah, Delilah's in this rut, but this is still going to be fun and there's still hope for her.

I hope all of that made some semblance of sense :P

So yeah, I really enjoyed reading this first chapter! I'll for sure be back some time!

-Kayla

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Review #2, by crimson quill The things we do for brownies and/or the electric bill

14th April 2017:
Capture The Flag.

So I'm loving your character's personality already. she's really fun but sarcastic, you've a really good inner monologue going with her. Straight away when she was talking about her name was really good interaction with the audience and engaging and amusing for me to read. you've really played that humour well in this section. the first impression of the character are positive. she's got her own individual voice. she's just funny and likeable. your narrative for the character is very clear.

I like that she was going through and describing the customers as they came in. I like how they already have personalities of their own. I don't know if these characters are going to play a bigger part in future chapters but I like the introductions. I think it just gave realistic feel but also it showed that she's really in a rut? maybe not a rut but she really knows this job inside and out and very comfortable there. it's establishing her routine.

I really enjoyed (by enjoyed I mean laughed, out loud at). I just love awkward stuff so that made me happy! have a giggle. I'm looking forward to seeing where this goes as it's a really strong introduction chapter! xo

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Review #3, by teh tarik Welcome to the Night Shift/There is No Escape from the Lechery

30th March 2016:
Hello! I'm back for the second chapter.

This chapter was amazing. Honestly, it took the story, and Delilah's character to a whole new level. And I love how we get to see all these different aspects of Delilah's character and her life in general. There is a lot more movement in this chapter, a lot more development, and time is kind of blurry, like the nights are smudging into each other, which is a really great way to show Delilah's drinking and partying is really getting a bit out of hand. Like, in a really unhealthy and unwholesome kind of way.

Damian is an awful character, but gosh you write him well. At first I thought he might turn out to be a possible friend for Delilah, and it's clear that Delilah thinks so, too. She definitely preferred Damian's company to Camille's. Then he turns out to be waaay creepy and completely unconcerned with Deliah's wellbeing at all.

And in a great twist of character development, you really showed Camille in an unexpected light...or at least in a way that was contrary to the character she was supposedly set up to be, and I really appreciate this. People are so much more complex than we give them credit for, and I think Delilah might have learnt a little about this, and on the matter of 'judginess'.

This was an amazing chapter; your characters are brilliant.

-teh

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Review #4, by teh tarik The things we do for brownies and/or the electric bill

29th March 2016:
Hello!

I'm here for the Puff March Review Exchange! :)

Aww, I'm so glad I got the chance to read this story, because I absolutely love it already, from this first chapter! I love Delilah's snarky voice and sense of humour, and all the little observations she makes about her colleagues and the customers. But the funniest observations she makes are about her own self, and her own living situation:

e.g. Everyone in the future will be dying to get their hands on the autobiography of the not-even-full-time waitress at the Leaky Cauldron from 2022- to Merlin please let it be over soon.

^ This made me giggle a bit. That being said, someone like me would definitely be interested in reading the autobiography of a waitress at the LC!

I think you've done an amazing job bringing the whole breakfast-rush scene to life, through Delilah's voice, as well as through the use of plenty of details. I love how easily your characters jump to life, how realistic and easy to picture them. From Janet and Silloren and John to Timothy to the Cloak. Clearly, the Cloak is meant to be a bit of mystery, and I have a feeling he might pop up again, later on in the story? Possible future bff/romantic interest for Delilah, seeing as they're both having fun gushing about comics?

I love Hannah! Hurray for a fierce Hufflepuff who doesn't stand for people walking all over them!

And I get the feeling that Delilah's life is going to be rather different (and possibly less pleasant) with her doing the night shift. The drunk crowd is definitely VERY different from the morning breakfast crowd (and I know, because I've worked in a bar/bistro before :P ).

Ah, the things we'd do for brownies. ♥

Fantastic start to your story! I shall definitely be coming back to read more, so please do keep writing. ♥

-teh

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Review #5, by Roisin welcome to not just another wednesday night/the great uncloaking of teddy lupin

25th March 2016:
I FEEL LIKE THERE IS MORE TO THESE BLACKED OUT MEMORIES. I'm not sure exactly what, but at the very least, Teddy seems to know Delilah more than she knows him. Like, maybe she talked to him or something and doesn't remember?

Man, there was SO MUCH I loved about this chapter, I'm not even sure where to begin. One thing that really struck out was Delilah blurting out "I DREAMT ABOUT YOU." That's definitely the sort of thing I do ALL THE TIME. My strategy is to just hope my social awkwardness and complete failure to respect conventions of humanity end up coming off as quirky charm. Alas, it often does not.

Also, I feel like you really have a way with dialogue, not just that the content is great, but also how you manage it on the technical end. I say this, because it's like I often don't even notice what you're doing. A lot of times, I get really picky and hyper-aware of how tagging and stuff happens, and I constantly stress about it in my own writing because it's something I'm working on. But in this story, I don't even notice what you're doing unless I have my Critique Cap on - which is a really good sign. Like, there's a real confidence to how you manage your dialogue (leaving things untagged between two people, summarizing sections, varying when the speaker is introduced [in advance, with an action, or after]). ALL GOOD THINGS, and you seem to always do the dialogue exactly the way it should be done for a particular moment.

My only criticism here would maybe be that things went a little to quickly and easily with Teddy? Like, I feel like the "he helped her home" exposition was kinda given as an aside, and I would have liked to see more of that reveal in advance. The hug bit seemed okay to me though, because Delilah is established to be sort of blurty and generally have weird game, which I dig.

But that's really not a big crit, because overall, I enjoyed this chapter immensely and this is DEFINITELY going on my favorites list!

Probably my favorite moment was the thing about riding piggie back while singing and hallucinating snakes. Everything about that was perfect and funny, and the wit throughout is always so deft.

EE I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTERR!

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Review #6, by Roisin welcome to my flat/that time camille went insane with a toothbrush

25th March 2016:
OK, so I hope you don't mind that I'm basically practicing getting back into reviewing with this story. My review-as-you-go thing ended up shouty and disjointed and incoherent, so I'll try writing AFTER I read again instead. (Maybe it'll be less awkward and formal than it was the first time now that I'm getting back into the groove).

(One thing I left out last chapter though: Delilah's High experience last chapter was another great example of super specific details resonating. THAT IS WHY I DO NOT PARTAKE. Also the "everyone is strangers here" line was so good and AH.)

The description of Delilah's room is chillingly similar to my own bedroom RIGHT NOW.

AH. WAIT. THAT ENDING. I probably should have done the "review-as-I-go" technique because THAT ENDING.

It is physically painful to not click "next."

OK, SO, REVIEW: at running the risk of sounding redundant, you really are just SO GOOD at offering super specific details that end up resonating. Like the thing about finding a book while cleaning then getting distracted for half an hour. That is a good summary of my entire life.

It's also interesting to me how Camille and Sarah have certain things in common - like being a bit bossy or pushy. Like, I feel like a lot of things Camille says and does in this chapter might put a lot of people off, but it weirdly compliments Delilah's personality. Maybe, like, Delilah is so sort of harsh on herself that she's less upset by someone else being harsh at her. Plus, she seems to gravitate to pushy girls, possibly because she feels so passive in her life.

Something I find really admirable about this story is how RAW and HONEST it feels. Like, I feel like a lot of fic can trend towards people writing what they WANT to happen. I think most writing can trend towards sort of escapist wish-fulfillment, not just fic, but definitely fic too. Even REALLY DRAMATIC ANGST is often presented in an idealized way. Here, you really succeed at telling the story that SHOULD get told, even if it's challenging. I really commend how you go for complexity instead of taking the easy route.

Like, it doesn't feel like you brush characters as "good" or "bad." Damian is in a lot of ways a likable character, and he's not Bad, so much as his relationship with Delilah wasn't good. And his personality might not necessarily be problematic for a different sort of person, but for Delilah, it was. And yeah, he was a "bad influence," but of course, it's not like she shouldn't take responsibility for herself (the biscuit thing definitely wasn't her fault, but you know, everything else).

Anyway, yeah - it's complicated. Which I really like. And then back to Camille, there are def things about her that are socially weird. But again, it matters a lot how that ends up fitting in with Delilah.

BLAH BLAH BLAH I'm rambling!

OK, YES, NOW I GET TO MOVE ONTO THE NEXT!

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Review #7, by Roisin Welcome to the Night Shift/There is No Escape from the Lechery

25th March 2016:
Gonna try the Review-as-I-read method to see if that makes me more of a socially graceful review-ist.

To start: GOD THIS IS SUCH A RELATABLE STORY THANK YOU. You do that clever thing where you insert super-duper specific details (freaking out and jumping out of bed at 4pm then eating floor-crisps), which somehow makes it feel even more relatable and universal. CLEVER YOU, and your CLEVER GOOD-AT-WRITING-NESS.

Oh man, and the "superstar during school transitions to schmuckhood during twenties" is incredible resonant. I FEEL THAT SO HARD.

Wait, crap - I keep getting engrossed in the story and forgetting to stop to leave comments. I BLAME YOU. Anyway: just so much Yes.

The "I'm really creative" bit made me snort giggle. The humor here is so understated and amazing.

Man, your writing is so sneakily sophisticated. Like, I feel like I only notice your TRICKS because of taking creative writing classes. (Right now, I'm at the 'summarized dialogue' bit, where Delilah summarizes Damian inviting her to the Knockturn Nightclub). That was a really good move, because hearing Delilah's summary is funnier than watching the actual dialogue unfold, and is all together snappier as well. YOU ARE REALLY GOOD AT WRITING THINGS. I sort of hope that you took creative writing classes and learned this stuff, because if this is just you having good instincts, I am insanely jealous.

Ah, Delilah is admirably self-aware. Her point about interpreting someone's work ethic as "judgy" is really good. I can see how that level of self-awareness could make her feel weird about herself a lot, but yeah, and admirable quality overall.

I KNOW A DAMIAN. I KNOW AN EXACT DAMIAN. One time a coworker he didn't like mentioned something about "that jacket over there" and he mumbled "you're a jacket over there" under his breath.

"startlingly clever wit" - excellent example of adverbs being great for subtle comic effect :)

"Mad Eye P.A."!!1!1! THAT!

You do a really excellent job of blending magic with bartender-ness. Like, every little magical twist seems really perfect, and there's not too much of it. Just exactly the sort of things wizards /would/ think up to augment the task.

Delilah's voice continues to be excellent. So much easy wit! I feel like if I went and pulled all the great lines, I would end up just reposting the entire chapter.

This story is so much clever. The eventual gentrification of Knockturn Alley is a particular headcanon of mine, and I love everything you've done here. Also, SO MUCH WITH THE CLEVER WRITING TECHNIQUE. You transition between description and backstory and character reveals with so much grace.

The Hangover Exchange analysis was really interesting. Dug it.

Nitpick: do witches really need lighters? I mean, /wands./ Then again, summoning flames while drunk is probably a bad call.

GOD THIS STORY IS SO GOOD. I CAN'T EVEN SAY ALL THE THINGS. YOU ARE NAILING IT.

I really love the way Delilah transcends the Good Girl/Bad Girl dichotomy. I feel like characters who go into weird party spirals are always depicted as extroverted and funloving or whatever. With Delilah, we get more of a rounded, full person, who isn't just one thing or one way all the time. And also, pretty much anyone can fall into a weird party spiral, given the right circumstances. (THE SERVICE INDUSTRY RESULTS IN SO MUCH WEIRD DESTRUCTIVE PARTYING. THAT IS A VERIFIABLE, STATISTICALLY SUPPORTED THING).

My only suggestion is that, while blurring that whole week of partying together was a clever form-follows-content device, it kind of almost got confusing. Maybe stretch it out just a little bit more? I feel like you can do "blurred" without "rushed," you know?

(Also, I wonder if you can skip the A/N at the top of the chapter? Just because it made me think, when she first started feeling "sexy," that she'd had something slipped in her drink. If you DO need to have it, for ToS reasons, maybe at least push the credits [THANKS FOR THAT] to the end).

I loveloveLOVE that you give Camille a cool moment here. At the same time, her whole "what's REALLY going on" comment /is/ sort of judgy. Because a person can be more than one thing, and even one thing (like judgementalness) can be more than one thing. You're super good at them rounded characters and general depth :)

THIS STORY IS SO GOOD I LOVE IT AH!

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Review #8, by Roisin The things we do for brownies and/or the electric bill

25th March 2016:
REVIEW PRIVILEGES REINSTATED. FEELS SO GOOD. (Although I worry I'm out of practice and I feel like this review is kinda awk! SORRY)

First off, this story is REALLY good. Like, REALLY really good. It feels so refreshingly /different/, and everything throughout is managed really well.

Delilah's voice is an absolute joy and she makes an excellent narrator. I've come across a lot of first-person-pov-snarky-narrator stories, but Delilah really distinguishes from the prevalent tone. I think it's the balance of easy wit and self-aware vulnerability that makes it so fresh. Also, sometimes I feel like first-person narrations become /too/ casual or snarky, whereas Delilah doesn't shy away from inherent intelligence. She's obviously smart, but her smartness never seems belabored. I dunno, just generally I think you strike a really good balance of humor and straight-storytelling. It can be easy to over embellish, or try to make every single line funny, but you nailed it here, so the comic notes have more room to stand out.

On a larger scale, I think the writing throughout is also perfectly balanced. Your handle on the prose is exceptionally good. Like, there were never any moments of awkward writing that took me out of the story, and I think it's actually sort of subtly sophisticated throughout, in that the writing is sort of invisible. Like, it seems effortless, and never overwritten, but it doesn't seem lacking either.

I think you also struck the right balance of internal dialogue, actual dialogue, storytelling, and description. Thinking about it, there's probably room for a bit more visual/sensory description, but while I was reading I didn't feel like I was needing more. That only occurred to me in retrospect.

As for specifics, I was kind of cheering reading this, because it was just SUCH an accurate depiction of the service industry and general barista-dom! All of the characters sounded SO on point. Like, the guy writing poems. That's SUCH a thing! I HAVE MET SO MANY OF THOSE GUYS.

Overall, I thought all of your characters had a great amount of specific detail. And I'm not sure how to put this to words, but I felt like you nailed some almost archetypal personalities without ever falling into tropes. Like, no one felt like a stock character, and everyone felt original, but then yeah, there was also something archetypal about them.

Oh! And you did a really nice job of doing character exposition without info-dumping. Like, we get to know a lot about Delilah here, but you revealed those details so naturally throughout the story without just doing paragraphs of "this is what she's like and stuff." And again, I think you avoided cliche really well, but I still felt like I knew what sort of person you were talking about.

And as a weird aside, I really liked the story-within-story of the comic books. I wanna read Rebel Ruthie :)

This chapter is so POLISHED and SOLID and CLEAN and just generally REALLY WELL WRITTEN that I'm all nervous about my "Trials" draft D:

But, in the meantime, I wanna review more of this story!

xoxo
Roisin

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Review #9, by TearsIMustConceal welcome to not just another wednesday night/the great uncloaking of teddy lupin

13th March 2016:
Hi Elise, here with your requested review!

Argh, TEDDY IS HERE! I've been waiting for him to appear since we found it was him who was her knight in shining armour and I loved it all! I'm a shipper already, I've already forgotten about my Rose/Teddy love, they can go away because Tedilah is here to stay!

You know I already adore Delilah - she's just perfect in that unconventional, flawed way and she's so relatable it's unreal – i'm jealous of your character development skills, Teach me please?

I love the friendship between delilah and Camille – they've just fitted into so easily – like, it's not forced, they just get a long and it works and I love that she has a friend now; a proper friend because she deserves it!

Arghh, the meeting was hilarious. I love that Delilah can't help what comes out of her mouth – it's just instinct to blurt out whatever she's thinking, whether it's appropriate in the situation or not. We all know someone like that!

I'm glad he tells her not to feel sorry for anything that happened that night – I feel like she needed to hear that from a stranger rather than Camille or someone else who knows her. I hope she listens because she really does have nothing to be sorry for.

Aww, they hugged. Which, I must admit, I was little surprised at but I feel as though Teddy is just one of those people who makes you feel instantly comfortable and at ease around him and I kind of see Delilah as impulsive and who wouldn't want to hug Teddy? But yeah, although I was surprised, I think it worked given their personalities and auras. Haha, she knew he was a Puff because of his hugging skills. I think that gave the moment a much needed comic element so it wasn't too cute because I imagine Delilah being the type that too much cuteness would make her uncomfortable.

As for your concerns, you've got nothing to worry about. You introduced him really well, without it taking forever and their interaction was cute and awkward and it was all so believable! I love you Teddy and I ship these two forever. Victoire who?

Arghh, Elise, you're writing is incredible and it bugs me so much that this hasn't had the recognition it deserves – everyone needs to read this! They're missing out!

Thank you for requesting!

-Vicki

Author's Response: Vicki! i feel like i can never thank you enough! your reviews are always so thoughtful , thorough and encouraging!

the hug! yes, i was conflicted about the timing, but also delilah is impulsive, especially about physical intimacy and teddy is just so huggable. i've got delilah processing the hug with teddy in the next chapter, so hopefully that will mitigate some of the surprise about the timing.

i'm so relieved you liked teddy' introduction! i felt like i had built it up so much and then i was so worried it wouldn't live up to the slow reveal.

i love what you said about delilah needing reassurance from a stranger. i completely agree- it's easier sometimes to accept a stranger's reassurance because you're less likely to see that person as biased.

thank you so much for this wonderful, wonderful review!


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Review #10, by Aphoride The things we do for brownies and/or the electric bill

6th March 2016:
Hey there, dropping by for our review swap for the HPFF review-a-thon! :)

Okay, so I love that this is set in the Leaky Cauldron, and it seems like, at this point, most of it will take place there. It means a big cast, but you handle it so well, almost easily, but it also means such an interesting starting place. All the different people in it, too - the other workers, The Cloak, and the regulars... it all works so well, and just sets up so so well for the story to go off from this point, with us finding out what usually happens, and who are the people she knows and so on. It's so clever and so well done :)

I love Delilah, too. Her voice is so strong in this and so good, too - I love how unique it is, how contrasting so many of her qualities are: she's obviously clever and talented, but is working as a waitress seemingly with no way out, she looks tough but isn't really... it's so good and so real, too, which I always love :) I loved the exposition at the beginning about her name, too - that made me laugh! :P

Your writing in this is so good, too - how you bring out Delilah's voice without making it overwhelming or too chatty, you know - and how you balance description with dialogue so well, too - never too much of either ;) Plus, you work the action of the pub - Delilah moving around, noting the other people moving around - in so easily, and it never gets confusing or takes away from anything.

And that little teaser at the end! What's going to happen on the night shift? Who will she meet? Gah, I'm so curious! :P

This is a great, great start, though, and I'm so glad we swapped and I got a chance to read it! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: eee! thank you so much! like a lot of people on this site i spend a lot of time worrying about dialogue and description and editing, editing, editing. it's really reassuring to hear you felt i got the balance right! and especially thank you for the compliments on Delilah's voice!

wonderful swap! i'm so glad!


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Review #11, by MuggleMaybe welcome to not just another wednesday night/the great uncloaking of teddy lupin

4th March 2016:
I'm here for the HPFF Review-A-Thon

and, also, I am fangirling like crazy right now because TEDDY OMG yes! (Somehow I completely forgot to mention my excitement about him in my last review. But I was excited!) I already ship them. Victoire can get lost :P I'm all about.. Tedlilah...??? hahaha.

Your characters - especially Delilah, but all of them - are so *real* and I just can't get over it. When she lights her cigarette and then immediately feels guilty and apologizes - I have witnessed that. I have been Teddy in that moment.

Bless Camille for encouraging Teddy's flirtations. And, more importantly, for being a truly decent person and a friend to our girl Delilah, who both needs and deserves the love. *hugs Camille*

I have to admit that I really REALLY want to full story of the night Teddy met her. I know I'd be crazy with curiosity if it was me. She also seemed to accept his comfort really quickly considering she doesn't even really know him. I mean, I loved reading this, but I found that a little surprising.

I am SO EXCITED about this story - it's going on my favorites! I know you are super busy right now, but when you post chapter 5 I will be ready and waiting to read it!

lots of love!
Renee

Author's Response: deliled? telilah? who knows! victoire can get lost! their prior relationship will be explained! i think? but in my head she's not worthy of teddy.

thank you so much for mentioning the too-quick comforting relationship with teddy. i edited out some exposition about delilah being physically impulsive, but mentally guarded that i think would have helped. i'll find a place for it in the next chapter!


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Review #12, by MuggleMaybe welcome to my flat/that time camille went insane with a toothbrush

4th March 2016:
I couldn't resist coming back again for the HPFF Review-A-Thon.

I'm proud of Delilah for asking to switch her shift. Also Hannah is wonderful. Oh, and I officially hate Damien now. I've come to my senses. When she sees someone and thinks it's him and gets scared for a moment, my heart broke a little. It's so wrong that she has to feel that fear because of him. SO WRONG.

Oh, this is a bit random, but I really like your name choices. They're interesting in a believable way, so I can remember them... but I can also pronounce them.

Elise, oh my God, I connect with this story on a spiritual level. You described the cleaning really well - I would've thought it would be boring to read about cleaning, but it wasn't. It was almost cathartic, actually, because I could feel Delilah escaping from the feeling of being trapped and getting closer to her regular self again. And I like Camille. It was really nice of her to come over; I hope Delilah decides to trust her soon. She needs a friend who's nearby. It doesn't seem like she has many friends, really, with Sarah in the USA.

The horoscopes were a nice touch.

Awesome job! I'm on to chapter 4 :)

xoxo Renee

Author's Response: i'm glad you waffled about damian! i wanted him to come across as narcissistic rather than outrightly evil. his hedonism held some appeal for delilah at some point, but he's so self-involved he doesn't even think about his actions toward delilah.

and oh! i'm so glad the cleaning resonated. i was pretty worried about the cleaning montage being boring, even if it is the start of delilah getting her life together.

yay! thank you for noticing the horoscopes!


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Review #13, by MuggleMaybe Welcome to the Night Shift/There is No Escape from the Lechery

4th March 2016:
Back again for the HPFF Review-A-Thon!

I am so mad at Damien right now! What a CREEP! I guess it's possible he didn't think it was a big deal and he'll turn out to be sort of ok... but right now I am furious!!!

Gosh, people are so rude to bartenders. It's terrible. Your dialogue for the rude customers is perfect, though.

I think Delilah is the definition of a relatable character, at least for me. I like that she thinks about things, in an intellectual sense. For example, when Damien is saying unkind things, she might not have the gumption (good word!) to argue, but she thinks about what he's saying. She's clearly more intelligent than she's giving herself credit for. And that, too, is relatable - I think nearly everyone can relate to self doubt on some level.

I'm a little worried about Delilah, to be honest. I hope she finds her center by the end of the story. She's wonderful, I can tell, but she's also a bit lost. It's a sign of how well you've drawn her character that after only two chapters, I'm motivated to read this whole story simply to spend time with Delilah.

I adore Hannah in a general sense, and also specifically as you've written her. Nice touch on the black and yellow bandana. :hufflepuff:

Another great chapter! I'm so glad I started reading this!

xoxo Renee

Author's Response: :hufflepuff: indeed! to me, hannah is the ultimate puff and that's how i'm trying to write her.

i'm sorry to say the dialogue is taken from real life experience!

what you've said about delilah thinking about things makes me incredibly happy. i love an introspective character and that's what i'm aiming for with delilah. making mistakes but also knowing herself fairly well.


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Review #14, by MuggleMaybe The things we do for brownies and/or the electric bill

4th March 2016:
I'm here for the HPFF Review-A-Thon.

But more importantly, HOW HAVE I NOT READ THIS YET?! ELISE, THIS IS SO GOOD! I MEAN, IT IS SO SO GOOD! You should brag more. Like, seriously. Start bragging, or I'm going to do it for you.

Delilah is a killer OC already. The voice you've crafted for her is strong, and shows her to be cynical but compassionate. (Huh, I wonder where that cones from :P ) I LOVE the Rebel Ruthie comic idea (please write that?) and it's a perfect telling detail to intro a new character.

One thing I'm impressed by here is how you've managed to introduce a LOT of OCs without making it too overwhelming. I mean, it is *a bit* overwhelming, but you gave the right details to help me latch onto each character, so I know I'll remember everyone in the next chapter.

Timothy's poem is too funny! Actually, you've built in many wonderful moments of humor. It's in Delilah's character, the way she thinks. It's engaging and oh-so-fun to read. The mention of the biblical Delilah and her magical alter ego was genius!

I hope we learn more about The Cloak. I think we will. *nods*

You set the scene of working at the LC perfectly. I only worked in the food industry for a short time but I could relate to so much of this, and it had me laughing and rolling my eyes on Delilah's behalf.

You also built in some key details about your version of the Next Gen era, with the political ideology of Rebel Ruthie and Hermione's biographer. (Also, your version of sobering solution is brilliant.)

Lastly, because I already love this and can't resist, here are a few lines I utterly adore:

--> I adore her, really, but I reserve the right to hate everything until the sun comes up.
--> So that was a relief: not being doomed by my name to go down in history as a scheming ___ with a propensity for giving unwanted haircuts.
--> She’s also a morning person, which goes against the very core of my being. (Can I get a 'Hallelujah'? ;) )
--> Excuse me while I dig a little further into the hole I’ve been stuck in since graduation because I value brownies over my own dignity.

I have a list of stories to keep in mind for Dobby season, and this is going on it, stat!

much love!
Renee

Author's Response: RENEE- hopefully my gushing about these reviews in several different conversations has communicated just how grateful i am!
i can't thank you enough for noticing the poem and the sobering solution, and the political background info and rebel ruthie. seriously, you wrote the perfect review, like you could read my mind, only i wasn't even thinking it, so you predicted/read my mind and then wrote the nicest review ever.

elise


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Review #15, by Willowjay16 The things we do for brownies and/or the electric bill

25th February 2016:
Hi Elsie! :)
Well let me say this : LOVED IT!
The story was AMAZING!
Deliah's character is so good and totally relatable. The idea of writing about a story centered around the Leaky Cauldron was a pretty fantastic one! I mean it's a place where loads of things are happening and gossip is being passed around.

The portrayal of all the characters was very interesting, but my favourite were Timothy and The Cloak ( Love the name!!!)

Wizarding Comics!! Let me tell you, my friend, one can't possibly do a more AWESOME deed!

Can't wait to read more!! Wonderful Job! :)

( A highly impressed ) *Willowjay16

Author's Response: aww! thank you so much for reading and reviewing!

it makes me so happy that you feel delilah is a relatable character. and i'm so glad the cloak caught your eye. the cloak will return!

thanks again!

elise


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Review #16, by Secret_Cupid welcome to my flat/that time camille went insane with a toothbrush

14th February 2016:
Aw man, a cliffhanger! I'm so curious to see how Teddy fits into this story, so I already can't wait to read the next chapter!

I'm so happy to see Delilah starting to take charge of her life - and her flat. And it was so refreshing to see Camille there to help her, I'm really curious to see where their relationship is going to go :)

But man, how could you leave us like that?! This chapter was such a nice break in the darkness, and while I have a pretty good idea as to what happened to Delilah during that rough week, I'm glad that Camille is there to tell her that she needs to talk about it - that's really important.

Keep up the great work!

Love,
your secret cupid

Author's Response: i'm really excited for Teddy to show up too! i'm so sorry for the cliffhanger! i went back and forth on it, finally deciding that the chapter was already too long!

the next chapter's up now!

thanks so much for reviewing and being my secret cupid! it means so much to me!


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Review #17, by Secret_Cupid Welcome to the Night Shift/There is No Escape from the Lechery

14th February 2016:
What an intense chapter!

I really enjoy the world that you've created here, a lot is happening but it's easy to follow. I can so understand Delilah getting whisked away into a world of parties and drinking, especially when being encouraged by someone like Damian.

I'm so mad he slipped something in her drink! And then was laughing at her!! He's such a colorful character, and you've done a really great job with that.

I also really love Hannah being the owner! It's such a nice way to tie it into the world we know, and I loved the bit about Hermione having a biography from your last chapter.

I've been really enjoying this! Keep up the great work :)

Love from,
your secret cupid

Author's Response: yes, poor delilah. damian is really a narcissist!

i love that hannah became the owner of the leaky cauldron and that her and neville live upstairs. it's one of my favorite tidbits to come from the pottermore canon. thanks for noticing the hermione biography!


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Review #18, by Secret_Cupid The things we do for brownies and/or the electric bill

14th February 2016:
Hello there, your Secret Cupid is here!

I really love the start of this story. It's so relatable and refreshing to have someone work as a waitress, and you did a wonderful job describing everything that was going on and how busy a place like the Leaky Cauldron can be.

I'm very curious to see how this goes! The boys intrigue me, and I loved some of the humor and how The Cloak didn't act or sound anything like I thought he was going to!

This was so great! Can't wait to read more :)

Love from,
your valentine

Author's Response: thank you so much sweet valentine!

i was worried when i posted this story that no one would want to read about a waitress, so i'm happy to hear you find it "refreshing" and not boring!


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Review #19, by ad astra welcome to my flat/that time camille went insane with a toothbrush

4th February 2016:
hello elise i am terrible at reviewing but i just need you to know that this is my favourite story right now and i'm so glad i put it on my mental to-read list because i just. i love this a lot already and i cannot wait for you to update it ok you're amazing and this is great

Author's Response: I CAN'T EVEN HANDLE THIS

thank you. like seriously. it's so wonderful to get a review from someone you hardcore fangirl over.


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Review #20, by TreacleTart welcome to my flat/that time camille went insane with a toothbrush

24th January 2016:
Hello my dear!

I'm sorry I've been a terrible friend and taken entirely too long to get back for chapter 3. Life just hasn't been giving me a break these last few weeks. Anyway, I'm here now and I've got lots to say!

First things first, I'm glad to see that Delilah is doing so much better. At the end of the last chapter she was a complete mess and even if she isn't all the way there yet, she is taking some steps in the right direction now. I suppose being drugged might have the effect of causing one to reevaluate the current direction of their life.

I love the way you've written Hannah. She's strict, a little bit impatient, but completely caring. This, in my opinion, is the ideal type of boss to have.

It's interesting to see how at the beginning Delilah disliked Camille because she seemed a bit uptight, but now that she's down and out Camille's really become her savior. I mean you have to be a really kind person/friend to wash someone's dirty underwear or scrub mold from their bathroom.

I have to admit that my favorite part was getting to see Delilah cook something! Food description is one of my favorite things to write and people so rarely talk about it that I get really giddy when it shows up in a story. *sorry rambling* In this case, I was unfamiliar with the soup, so it was nice seeing the commentary on how it's normally a refrigerator soup with stale bread and olive oil and listing out the ingredients was clever too.

Now, my only bit of CC comes from that food section. While I got a lot of info from it, I'd have loved a bit more sensory detail in it. How do the vegetables smell when they're sauteeing? Does the oil pop and crackle when she puts the veggies in it? How does the soup taste when she eats it?

Also, at one point you describe the soup as "glooping" which I have to say sounds completely unappetizing to me. Perhaps, thick, bubbling or thick, simmering. But this is a personal preference thing, so feel free to ignore me.

Anyway, let me stray from my obsession with food and tell you that I love this chapter as much as I loved the previous ones. Delilah is so realistic and that's absolutely why I love her. There are so many things in this story that I relate to.

Great work! (Now, go hurry up and update!)

~Kaitlin

Author's Response: hey Kaitlin,
your reviews and support of this story mean so much to me! you're so wonderful for sticking with it and giving me such thoughtful feedback.

i've thought a lot about Delilah's relationship with food. at this point cooking is really more of a chore for her and although she used to like baking right now she's too depressed to really like anything. she might meet someone, in the very next chapter, in fact, that has a very different relationship with food. ;)

xo elise


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Review #21, by Unicorn_Charm Welcome to the Night Shift/There is No Escape from the Lechery

16th January 2016:
Hey Elise!

Wow. You have no idea how much this story is speaking to my soul. I'm Delilah, I swear. Or, I should say, I was. Most of my friends went off to college and I dropped out after a year and spent my early 20's in jobs that made me feel less than and drinking myself into a stupor 6 nights a week. I feel her so much, it's insane.

What I love about this story is how real it feels, despite being set in the magical world. Your characters, no matter how minor, are full of personality. Everyone is so distinct and just real. I love it.

Like I said, I can totally empathize with Delilah. I've had those afternoons that I've woken up a half hour before my shift and ate nothing besides junk, because that's all I had. Salt and vinegar are my favorite, too.

That pep talk that she gave herself. Ugh. I feel her so hard! I can't say enough how much I relate to this character. I love her and I just want to hug her.

I know EXACTLY what she meant when she was describing how it felt to be out at the club and feel like anyone else but herself. You did such a great job describing the appeal of going out and getting hammer and just letting go, because you feel so badly about yourself that acting like someone else is the only way to cope. You become obsessed with it and before you know it your completely spiraling. You're describing my 20's here!

I'm so mad at Damian! How could he slip her something and not tell her? That's such a crappy thing to do to a friend. I wonder what ended up happening to her, because she clearly doesn't remember everything. The poor thing.

Hannah was so sweet to her. I liked the little detail of her wearing a bandana of Hufflepuff colors. :) I wonder if she knows that Delilah was all hung over or really thought she was sick? Regardless, it was sweet of her to tell her to go home and hug her like that.

So Camille isn't as horrible as we'd originally think. I wonder if a friendship, or something more (wink wink nudge nudge) will develop there.

I adore this story, Elise! It's SO, SO good! Probably one of my favorite things that I've read in the archives so far. Such an amazingly written story that feels so alive. It's fantastic! I can't wait to read on!

Thanks for the swap, love! ♥

Love and hugs,
Meg

Author's Response: MEG! this review... thank you so much!

it's a little weird how the stories we're currently working on mirror each other's lives. crazy hpff fate.

poor Delilah! and poor you! it's hard to do something day after day that doesn't feel like it exercises your potential.
oh camille! as for romantic developments... hmm! i hadn't thought of that! ;)


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Review #22, by notreallyblonde44 welcome to my flat/that time camille went insane with a toothbrush

13th January 2016:
Again, I was sucked into the chapter that my comments will be short. I'm eager for the next chapter - I know who Teddy is, and it will be nice to see a more familiar face, if you will. Wonder why he would be concerned over here. Camille is super sweet, and Hannah is great too. It's nice to get some balance and normalcy in Delilah's life, I was worried about her too. She's definitely going through a slump, and needs all the boosts she can get!

'It feels like part of my brain is lacquered in that stifling yellow, a glossy phlegm-colored barrier to reality.' - Lines like these really solidify your writing prowess, what amazing diction you have!

I still enjoy Delilah's conversational narrative tone and quirks, as well as the quirks of your other characters. Looking forward to the next chapter :)

-ellie

Author's Response: ah! it's so exciting to see a line i worked on for so a long time get noticed! definitely edited that sentence 100 times. thank you!

i'm really excited for Teddy to interact with the LC crowd :)

thank you so much for your amazing secret snowflake reviews!


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Review #23, by notreallyblonde44 Welcome to the Night Shift/There is No Escape from the Lechery

13th January 2016:
Hi hi hi

‘eating stale crisps than pseudo-socializing with a bunch of sweaty strangers.’ – yeah that’s basically how I feel every weekend hahaha. Your OC is so relatable, yet very much her own strong voice/character. I hope things get better for her. It’s sad to see all her hard work got trampled into this mess. I kind of want a better reason why. Honestly, she comes across as very depressed and her shrugging off everything is a little concerning. Though I appreciate that she feels good about her hard work, I just am worried about her level of apathy-she’s too young for that level of jaded sometimes…so I think there’s more here than what meets the eye. If I was her friend, I would be having an intervention with her.

Does she not have friends? :/ I’m leaning on no, also, what house was she in and I’m curious what her history is. If she has a dad or why she doesn’t live with her parents, since I really don’t think she can afford rent before this upgrade to 6+ shifts. You don’t have to answer these curiosities and concerns now, but they are questions for you to consider/things the audience may be wondering :) Slowly unveiling these things are great to the reader because we grow with the character. Oh, and if I read a bit further (I usually write my reviews as I read – a reactionary review, if you will haha), I would see this mention of Sarah. What were her ulterior motives? ~interesting development here

I love all your creative names and places and things. I see you had help with a few, but I still love who you’ve morphed this world into a modern magical one with creative quirks.

‘I’m someone else.
"There she is!"’ – this could have used a stronger transition, even a line break more or a line or something to indicate a change in scene and tone ;)Or is this not another night later at the club? I’m kind of confused if we’re on the same night or multiple nights.

Yikes poor girl, my heart is breaking for her :(

What a well-written plot here btw. I'm too absorbed in what's happening to always comment haha, so compliments abound!

ellie

Author's Response: your "reactionary review" style is amazing! thank you for noticing so many little details!

i'm so glad you asked about her backstory! it'll come up a few chapters from now, but i don't think it spoils much to say she was in ravenclaw.

thanks for point out that spot- it's actually a typo! i meant for there to be a line break there.

thanks Ellie!


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Review #24, by notreallyblonde44 The things we do for brownies and/or the electric bill

13th January 2016:
Elise!! Luff. I’ve been meaning to drop this story a review or two, so I’m finally here (and as a belated semi-secret snowflake act too). You have a really interesting premise here. Life inside the Leaky Cauldron, bound to be entertaining. Wonder what will happen :)

‘propensity for giving unwanted haircuts.’ – lol what an interesting tone your OC has haha

‘Well that was two years ago.’ – whelp, that explains her bitterness, though I can’t say I blame here at all. You’re effectively mirroring the job market after the 2008-2009 economic crash in the US btw. It was torture to get a 9-to-5 or anything like that. Two years as a part-time waitress seems really unbearable and kind of unlivable really. How has she not find any other means of employment? How can she survive on this wage?

‘I maintain I’m the source of whatever goes wrong in my life.’ – Well, at least she’s self-aware. That’s a sharp sense of maturity.

As someone who’s worked retail for 2+ years, but never in the food industry, this story made me realize that there is overlap YET I still never want to work in the food/bar industry. Ever. Though I hear money is good….sigh but maybe not for Delilah haha. Hope some of these events aren’t based on RL experiences o.O

Timmy just passed out on the table? Like that’s normal lol Must have spent the whole night writing that poem.

‘which is a good waitress survival tactic in general but especially with touchy subjects.’ – I may have missed something, but how is the comic a touchy subject? How does that relate to the wizarding law?

What a long and exciting plot-filled chapter. I found that though you put in a lot of new characters, I got who they were to Delilah quickly and was able to remember them a bit here and there when they were referred too later. You ended this chapter in a good place, with enough understandable intrigue to keep us going (who is The Cloak? How are these night shifts going to go?), but give us a lot of background and set the state for your story to progress. Curious to see what will happen next, this is such a unique plot, I can tell already ;)

-ellie

Author's Response: hi Ellie! it was so sweet of you to be my secret snowflake! thank you so much for coming by and leaving these reviews!

i'm really glad you said her situation reminds you of the 2008 crash! i have this whole headcanon about a post-war baby boom and then an economic slump right about when delilah graduates.

delilah's belief that her circumstances are her own fault is kind of a double edged sword. it's part maturity, part low self-esteem.

the comic is about a witch who helps muggle women which is against the international statue of secrecy. maybe i should clarify that part?

thanks so much for such a detailed review!


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Review #25, by marauderfan Welcome to the Night Shift/There is No Escape from the Lechery

11th January 2016:
I'm back!

oh the night shift sounds just splendid. she'd better make like twice the tips she made before for it to be worth that. I suppose the lack of sausage smell is an improvement though.

I’d rather be reading Rebel Ruthie in my undies and eating stale crisps than pseudo-socializing with a bunch of sweaty strangers. -- aah! in which Delilah sums up my feelings about clubs to a T. Thanks, I'd rather hang out with my books.

Wow, things just went from bad to worse for Delilah in this chapter - I kind of had misgivings about Damian when he was first introduced, as his relentless persuading her to go to clubs seemed very insensitive, not to mention the insult he uses about Camille. But I didn't expect Damian to be so bad as to actually drug her without her consent - and lie about it too. And then he was laughing later about her vomiting - he is just so self-involved that he doesn't care what he put her through, and doesn't even think about the fact that it's really not okay.

It's going to be super weird for Delilah seeing him around work and I hope she gives him a piece of her mind. She's been annoyed at herself before for being a pushover and not really saying what she really thinks, but she should do that now, and tell Damian how much of a jerk he is.

I'm so glad she has Hannah and Camille there for her though. Camille - she seems like such a nice person and I love how you wrote her in this chapter through Delilah's very biased lens - at first Delilah doesn't like her, but the end of the chapter really shows how Delilah has been so wrapped up in her own misery that she hasn't taken any time to get to know Camille as a person, outside of her obsession with cleanliness. I just really love that Hannah and Camille have her back, and I hope Delilah eventually feels comfortable enough to confide in one of them. And to start looking for new jobs where she won't feel like she's wasting her life.

this is a great chapter! I am really into this story so far. love it.

Author's Response: ahhh! thank you so much. i'm (still) squealing over this review.

your response to damian is exactly what i had been hoping for. i wanted him to seem insensitive and narcissistic, and thoughtless, but not like voldemort style evil. so thank you! your review was very reassuring!

Camille and Hannah definitely have her back!

thank you so much for this thorough and encouraging review Kristin!


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