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Reading Reviews for Cost of Redemption
  
20 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Aleine Prologue

29th September 2015:
So you made me cry. you make me ache and tear and cry.

WA

I just couldn't take it when they killed the kids in front of the mother. I Just. Could. Not.

You made me see all of it. I'm not really happy about it, because I canNOT watch thriller (Thriller in the sense scenes where they show inner body parts and lots of blood and cutting and chopping and... you know?)

My point is, you made me see all of it in my head. you developed the scene in a manner that every single detail that you hoped to deliver to the reader was delivered hard. You showed me the dirty truth of war. J.K never showed the reality of war, she only showed us how many lives are lost, and how the people who are left behind suffer. But you showed me the stark reality of pain and detachment from humanity.

amazing. Truly amazing.

Another thing I loved was how you portrayed the character of Regulus. I felt like I was standing their, watching his whole timeline, as if you were showing me the point where he started to go against the rules and fight Voldemort, like his brother did.

your very first sentence though. I absolutely love it. If I had read this story a month ago, I'd have nominated that quote for the Dobby's Best Quote category.

I kid you not, child. I'd have.

There were some things I spotted. There were certain sentences I wish you had written differently, but I can't recommend what's better either (Believe me, I thought about it. Couldn't come up with anything). There was one error though;

Paragraph three line one: hungerly

That should be hungrily.

One sentence I wish you had worded differently was;
Paragraph five last line: and his fingers were white was the wood under them with the force used to clutch his wand.

But as I said, I don't really know the better way to say it. It's all in your head, just shake it up a bit :D

All in all, I love this story. I love angst (Even though I freak out).So please do keep requesting reviews for your stories. You're one good author :)

With love and chocolates
Aleine
xx

Author's Response: Sorry I made you cry!!! *hands over tissue box*

I always wanted to see something like this, and I really regret not being able to write much these past few months. I love the idea of Regulus, unlocking his story from the little bit we know.

I'm honestly not big on Gore either, but for some reason I can write it. It's strange.

I probably need to go back and edit truthfully, hopefully clear up those rough patches.

Thank you so much, your review is absolutely lovely. *hugs*


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Review #2, by TidalDragon Prologue

25th July 2015:
Howdy Kat! First of all, sorry it's taken so long for me to get here - abominable - but per my rules, shoot me a PM with another story you'd like me to review for you.

Anyway, what I liked most about this story itself was the stark clarity you gave to the first war. I think in stories, as in life, it is easy to take shortcuts surrounding such difficult topics and ignore the rawness and the detail that make the reality so horrific. You definitely didn't fall victim to that here.

That was even more helpful to the story as a whole because it gave a REASON for a change in Regulus's thinking. So often in Regulus stories there isn't a real reasons given at all, or if there is it's allotted a line or two, almost as a throw-away piece, when really it needs centrality.

The only thing I had pause about (and it makes a bit more sense given your A/N) was how abruptly it seemed to end. You had this great description of the battle and Regulus's thoughts and emotions, and even his disconnection from the aftermath at home. But then he just falls asleep easily after a brief interaction with Kreacher. I think you could go in lots of different directions to just make it a bit more natural (even one line directions), but aside from that I thought you handled the subject-matter and character impeccably.

Thanks for sharing! And sorry again for the lengthy wait!

Author's Response: It's fine, and I'm glad you liked it. I honestly need to go back and edit it again, and hopefully get back to writing the next chapter.

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Review #3, by moonbaby11 Prologue

14th July 2015:
Hey! I'm here with your (slightly delayed - oops) review!

First of all, I just want to say that I've never really read any Regulus stories for some reason, which is odd because I've always thought of him as such an interesting character, so I'm so glad you popped into my review thread with this! I think you had a really strong characterization for Regulus. He seemed to follow what we know about him in canon really well and you added a lot of layers to him too. I really started to feel for him and connect to him and his inner struggle between family and doing what is 'right' so that means you're definitely on the right track with this story! Although it was short I felt like I learned a lot about Regulus, which I believe proves that you're a great writer.

I loved the description used in the opening scene. I loved that you brought all the senses into play - what Reg could smell and hear - as opposed to just what he could see. It really brought me into the scene and helped me to create a strong mental picture in my mind. I loved the small bit about the young girl that was brought up at the beginning and then returned to at the end. It really pulled on the heartstrings and I found myself feeling a lot for this character that had a very small part in the chapter. Well done!

You also seem to have a very strong grasp on the Black family dynamic. Regulus considering whether or not his parents would sacrifice themselves for him was a strong scene and I think it did a very good job of explaining the relationship he has with his parents. All the stuff about Sirius seemed spot on as well. I especially enjoyed the line about the slammed door in the face and Sirius just seeing him as a snake. It kind of went to show that Regulus isn't wholly at fault for the demise of their relationship and I liked that a lot.

Just one quick spelling mistake that I noticed - you used the word 'dogged' instead of 'dodged' in the story. It's not a huge deal, especially as it was the only error that I caught, but it's certainly an easy fix and something that would help this story become even better.

Overall, this is a very strong opening to this story. I would love to see where you take this, so when the next chapter is up PLEASE drop by my thread again! I'd really love it :) Good luck!

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Review #4, by Tonks1247 Prologue

9th July 2015:
Hey! Here from the BvB review battle!

Oh my gosh. I love what you have going here. Quite seriously, you've picked such an excellent character who really deserves a better back story than we have gotten from the books.

We only know of his heroic effort to get the locket, not the events that lead him there. I think the fact that you're opening that door and taking time to explain how Regulus is viewing the world as a death eater, is fascinating. You also have so many options as to where to take his character from here, and if you keep his voice as strong as it is in this chapter? I'm excited to see where you'll take it! Also excited to see how it leads to the one big effort of finding and getting the locket!

Also, as bit of a side note, which side was the 6 year Ravenclaw on? Was he a Death Eater or was he against the Death Eaters? Either way, I like how his character was briefly included as it provided a more personal ad scary experience for Regulus as one second he was there and the next he wasn't. Really intense!

Absolutely love what you have going here! Keep it up! :)
-Mikaela

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Review #5, by Beeezie Prologue

7th July 2015:
Hey, Kat! I'm here for BvB!

I love the way you started this off. It was so easy to get completely absorbed in because it was so exciting. And, of course, horrifying - your creativity in both coming up with new spells that weren't mentioned in canon and showing the result of a violent battle was really perfect.

I also loved the way you showed Regulus's mindset. You gave a very, very plausible reason for his starting to become disillusioned. It doesn't make so much sense that he'd randomly decide he liked Muggles after all, but it does make sense that 1) the Death Eaters wouldn't use "And you'll also kill purebloods who annoy us" as a hook and 2) it would really, really bother him to attack someone he saw as being part of the protected, ideal class - particularly when they were targeting civilians, not members of the Order of the Phoenix or something.

That little snapshot of Regulus's relationship with his family and with Kreacher was perfect. I could really see how he felt torn and like he didn't really belong anywhere - he clearly doesn't like the Death Eaters at this point, but he doesn't like the Gryffindors much, either. Kreacher is probably the only one who made him feel valued as a person rather than threatened or pressured.

I do have a tiny bit of CC, though!

Early on, you say that blood and flesh splattered Regulus's face - but if he's wearing a mask (and he clearly was, because he took it off), how did it get through? Maybe you just meant that it got on the mask, but if that was the case, how did he feel it?

I also really like the story summary, but I do think that maybe you could make it a bit shorter. This story is so riveting and I'll be watching our Claw thread for your updates, but I'm not sure I would have necessarily clicked through based on your summary - it's just a bit too wordy. Maybe something like, "Snape wasn't the only Snake to die like a lion. This is the story of Regulus Black, from his first mission as a Death Eater to his very last breath."

Those little things aside, though, this was so good. I can't wait for an update!

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Review #6, by Diogenissa Prologue

1st July 2015:
Hello my dear--am here for our swap!

I chose this story because Regulus Black is fascinating for me: here we have yet another minor character that (indirectly) plays a major role and hence makes him crucial to the overall series imho.
It made me rather interested to see your take on him so here I am!

This--this was AMAZING! Right from the get-go we are thrown right into the action. The words, vocabulary and descriptions were just brilliant! It wasn't too much or too little and as a reader I got a very clear picture in my head of what was going on. The opening paragraph was a sharp way to draw you right into it.

You did a FANTASTIC job of getting inside of Regulus' mind and his character--well you nailed it! You could really get into his situation and emotions.

I love how you went into details about his relationship with Sirius and how it shaped him. Including his being shoved to the side when Sirius hooks up with the Marauders and is subsequently forgotten. I can understand Regulus' resentment here but for him to think to himself that 'Sirius was right' truly says something about how he feels about his brother and wishes it were different (well at least now--this is how it read to me in any case). The bond between brothers, whether on good terms or not, is a very powerful one and you did an excellent job in showing this.

He sank back down to his knees as, above his head, the Dark Mark glowed a ghastly green. --- this is a great line to close that first section!

It's very interesting to see where his thoughts had taken him after he sees his own mother (and also horrifying given that he most likely knew that they wouldn't protect him like other families protect each other. Very hard and very saddening--my heart went out to him).

Oh I LOVE how you bring in Kreacher! We know he's part of Regulus' story in the books and I sincerely hope we'll get to see more of their relationship. :)

Overall very awesome story--good word choices and descriptions as well as characterizations. I REALLY enjoyed this and can't wait to see the next installment! Thank you so very much for it as well as for the swap--let's do it again sometime if you'd like! :)

Karen xoxo

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Review #7, by Lyra Prologue

17th June 2015:
Hello.

Sorry it's taken me a while to get here, but the HC has kept me really busy - I'm sure it's been like that for you too. Anyway, I'm finally here with the promised revew, and I can't wait to read the story. It looks interesting, and I have a very good feeling about it. And to make up for taking so long to come here and leave a review, I'll try to make this one extra long. So I'll just get right to it.

I love how you start in the middle of an action scene. For some reason, I haven't read many fanfics that do that. And it was interesting to see that being done, because it's a completely different beginning from when you describe a more calmer or quieter scene. It all becomes fast-paced, and that's hard to do right. I feel like you did it, though, because I could almost feel the stress, panic - the hurriness and fast breathing, crazy heartbeat etc. in the way the story was told. It did have that fast-paced feel to it, and that's fine in stories like this - better than fine actually, it's perfect.

It was great to see a story about Regulus. Sirius is my favourite character, and I absolutely love him. But if there's one thing I feel like he did wrong, that would be Regulus - he shouldn't have given up so soon, and I feel like that was one of his biggest mistakes. And Regulus was just a kid, he was very much like Draco in my eyes - almost forced into a life that he didn't understand the seriousness of or the consequences of before it was too late. In your story, that's obvious. He seems to lost - he's started to realise what he really signed up for, and in my head it's not too long after this (the story I mean) he would've betrayed Voldemort. You can just see the regret in him - he knows he made a bad choice, and you really got that across. I sympathised with him, and that's because of your amazing writing. So good job on that!

I'm really impressed with how you wrote this. You somehow managed to write a fast-paced action kind of scene, but at the same time get the emotional turmol inside Regulus across - the moral questions and the feeling of not belonging where he is. It's clear in the story, and it really does make an impact on me as reader. I feel really sorry for him, especially when you end it with him coming home and then being alone. As someone who's suffered from depression, I really could relate to that feeling of lonliness even when physically in the company of others - you just don't feel like you belong there, like you are emotionally or mentally with the others, even if you are physically. It's very hard, and I guess that's part of the reason why I feel such a strong sympathy for Regulus - because it's very relatable.

This was probably not intetional on your behalf, but for me the story sort of reminded me of some of those who travel to other countries to fight in the civil war there. We've had a couple of those who were only 13/14 years old, and they didn't really understand the seriousness of what they did until they had already done it. And it's sad, because teenagers can be very easy to fool - I'm teenager myself, so I'm critising myself as well. It's just the time when you're probably the most unsure about your life, your purpose and your future, and that's when people can trick you into thinking they know what's best for you - I study criminology and in my country statistics show that most criminals have been criminals since they were 15 or 16 years old. Of course, most teenager don't fall for whatever they tell them, but some do - often the most unsure and insecure ones. And it's sad.. very sad.

But I'm getitng off track now. I really liked the story, and I'll be visiting your MTA very soon so keep and eye on it. You probably already guessed that my username's not actually Lyra, and you probably know who I really am too. I chose Lyra because I love Astronomy and Mythology, and Lyra is actually a constellation in the nothern hemisphere and named after the lyre in the ancient greek myth of Orpheus. So that's why I chose it. Anyway, I'll have to go now. Hope you have a wonderful week!

xxx

Lyra

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Review #8, by Aphoride Prologue

17th June 2015:
Hey there - dropping by for our review swap! :)

I couldn't resist stopping on this one, because Regulus (and the Blacks/purebloods in general) is one of those characters who fascinates me so much, and with whom there's the potential of so many different stories and ideas and ways to take him, you know?

Anyway, I love what you've done with him here, how he seems so young and so lost and so, almost, incapable in the situation he's in. It really emphasises, I think, what we know in canon about him getting cold feet and leaving the Death Eaters, and shows off the relationship with him and Sirius and other members of his family - like Bellatrix - so well. It shows that difference between them and him, also between him and those defending themselves and their family, in a way. Fatal curses on both sides...

I love how brutal it is, too. It's war, and you've really made it feel like a war, like an old-fashioned raid on a town or something, with that kind of almost piratical feel, a hit hard and fast kind of method - almost Viking-esque, medieval in the kind of raw, savage hurt and hatred you depict. And it's so realistic, you know, which I love about it. Also, the dual-issue of both the Death Eaters using fatal curses is then kind of duplicated by the 'right' side using them, too - and it raises this beautiful moral question and this sort out of even-more-outsider place for Regulus, who won't - or can't - use them, and so many people, even good people, do and can. It's really brilliant, because war is never one-sided, you know, both sides do things they'd rather not, which are horrible.

I love how you've tied this all up with him being so alone, too - as a motif it's just so good and so hard-hitting, and yet we know that it's probably not going to get any better for him. It almost makes him powerless in the whole thing, which is a pretty original position to put him in, I think :)

I really like your writing in this too - it's so clean and so emotive, and you paint the scene of the raid and the attack so, so well without going overboard with the description or the level of violence and horror he witnesses. There's this wonderful contrast between him in the battle and all the description and action of that and then the sort of mundane scene of him at home getting ready for bed, and still being so alone. The only thing I'd say is to watch your small sentences - sometimes you separate things out into sentences when they should be clauses and separated with a semi-colon. If you read it out loud, that should help - the pause will seem too big where it should be changed ;) But that's a minor thing, really.

This is a great start, and I'm so curious to see where Regulus goes from here, and if (at all) anything gets any better for him before the inevitable ;)

Aph xx

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Review #9, by merlins beard Prologue

17th June 2015:
Hey
I'm here for the review I promised.

I really like how detailed this was. I got a good insight in what Regulus is thinking and feeling. He is such a great character to write about, because we know so little about him. He leaves us lots of room for our immagination to run wild.

"That wasn't what he signed up for." Well, I think that's exactly what he signed up for, but he didn't know that at the time.
I think that whole paragraph really captured the way every army around the world recruits their soldiers. Many people sign up for it and are caught by surprise when they see what it's really like to be in a war zone.

Recognizing someone on the other side must be terrible. Knoing he has to duel and possibly kill someone he knows is really hard for Regulus. I think he even feels a little relieved when Bella blasts the poor boy into pieces.
I like that you show that Regulus is still capable of human emotions like compassion.
Most Death Eaters have a very limited range of feelings to choose from, mostly fear, hate or devotion to their Master.

I love the part where Reg thinks "Sirius was right." I think admitting that Sirius was right means admitting that Regulus was wrong. Admitting you're wrong is the first - and probably the hardest - step into the right direction.

I feel sorry for Regulus here. Sure, he made some bad choices, and he made them for the wrong reasons (not because he believed in the cause, but to gain fame and love from his family), but he has recognized his mistakes and he wishes he could undo them.
I don't think Sirius intended to make him feel so deserted. He probably didn't even realize he was doing that. I guess he was too busy enjoying that he finally had friends, people who genuinely cared about him and shared his opinions.

The ending of this chapter was really good. I like that Kreacher showed up here, offering to help Regulus. It won't be long until Regulus needs the elf to help him.

love,
~Anja

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Review #10, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Prologue

14th June 2015:
Deeds here with your requested review. Sorry it took forever but I graduated from college and I was sick and I had all these things going on but no matter! I’m here now.

It wasn't just solely muggles and mudbloods they were going after anymore, they were killing witches and wizards, going after their own.

Hm. There’s something about this sentence here that reads awkwardly. I read it about three times before pausing. I think it would read better if you removed the ‘going after their own’ and just edit the sentence. Just my opinion of course.

Regulus wanted to scream, to claw his newly given mark off his skin, to run away from what was his own choice.

Ooo. This is a great sentence. I don’t know what it is but I’ve recently gotten very interested in Regulus. However, I could not write him because I know I would not be able to give his character justice. In all the chaos I could see Regulus standing there or moving, having to put himself in this position but struggling internally with himself looking a little manic, a little disheveled, heck a little like Sirius.

He never even had the chance to scream, because he was well and dead before he ever knew what happened.

I love that you’re not holding back here. Your description is killer (ha-killer).

I don’t have too much to say because I thought this was an excellent first chapter. The description and the characterization was there. I think Regulus is someone interesting to delve into because his beliefs changed drastically. Unlike say with someone like Sirius or Andromeda who never believed in the pure blood ‘stuff’ their parents/family spewed out to them. Regulus did but you can see he is a redeeming character because he tried to change. Ultimately it was too late for him. How sad. I thought the reflection on Sirius was a great addition but I think it can be condensed. I also thought repeating ‘snake’ was a bit of overkill. I think we all have this habit of putting our HPFF characters in this box where they need to reflect their house or their house means so much when they’re out of school. It’s great to identify with it but their house doesn’t define who they are, know what I mean? It’s like, you graduate high school but who you are in high school isn’t the same person you are in college or at the work place or in your day-to-day life.

Thanks for requesting! Sorry again for the wait.

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Review #11, by CassiePotter Prologue

12th June 2015:
Hello!
So this chapter was a fantastic start to this story, but it broke my heart. I haven't read many stories that focus on Regulus, but I always find them really interesting when I do read them, because people always characterize him so differently. I really liked the way he's written here. You started right in the middle of the action, so we could see that Regulus is still fighting for the Death Eaters, but he's started to hate himself for it. I could really feel his pain come through in this, and could tell how desperate he was to get out. I loved the part about how he misses his Sirius. It really gave their relationship some depth, since we could see how it used to be, and what it's become since Sirius became friends with the Marauders and left home, and Regulus became a Death Eater. Your descriptions were excellent throughout this chapter, and I could picture everything that was happening really clearly. Also, since you made the banner for this, I wanted to let you now that it's gorgeous!
This was a great chapter!
Hufflepuff, House Cup 2015
Cassie :)

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Review #12, by Roisin Prologue

3rd June 2015:
Hello! Here for the swap!

I've read a couple of stories about Regulus' decision to betray Voldemort, but I was really struck by the originality of how you start the path here. The idea that "this isn't what he signed up for" and his horror that they're killing other witches and wizards is really great. It's a totally believable reason to start doubting what he's doing--one I'm SURE at least SOME people would HAVE to feel at some point--and I've never seen it before!

I also really like the original curses you include here like choking and bone-breaking.

Wow, that death was SO striking. Its graphic vividness was, I think, a good choice. It helps explain Regulus' shock afterwards (and his vomiting). I also really appreciate the way you show it as a CIVIL WAR--which it was. Like, classmates and people who totally know each other suddenly engaged in brutal combat.

Quick typo: "dogged another hex." Dodged?

Ooh man, the "dark mark glowed a ghastly green" line is so chilling. Also, I didn't even notice the alliteration until I typed it out here!

Since you request concrit at the end, I'd suggest two things: one, limiting use of adverbs (in my experience, cutting adverbs forces me to write something more detailed and vivid) and maybe tightening up the section where Regulus is thinking about Sirius/cutting down Sirius talk in general (Sirius is a beloved canon character, but honestly--and this is a compliment--I'm a bit more interested in Regulus right now! So kudos!)

I really dig the idea that a simple (but profound) wedge has kind of lodged itself, and that might open up to Regulus changing his perspective. And I like that yeah, maybe he had some prejudices against muggles, but now that he's questioning things, that idea might change. Or at least, he feels the destruction of wizards needs to stop. You make a good case for him, basically, and I love that it's nuanced :)

Very excited to see what you do with the rest of this story!

xoxo
Roisin

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Review #13, by TreacleTart Prologue

2nd June 2015:
Hey Kat!

I'm here for our review swap!

I've seen a lot of fics that deal with Regulus' actions after he decides to betray the Death Eaters, but this is the first one that I've ever seen that really delves into why he defected. I like that you took the time to explain how his thought process changed and why.

After witnessing a battle like the one he saw, I could easily imagine being disenchanted by war. The scene where he sees the man exploded by a curse was pretty gruesome. That really is the stuff of nightmares and you've described it so incredibly vividly. (Just a thought, you may want to include a trigger warning at the top of the chapter for the graphic violence)

The disillusionment that Regulus feels when he gets home is striking. His parents happiness seems so ignorant to him after everything he's seen and I think you've done a good job of conveying all that.

I enjoyed how you had his thoughts wandering to Sirius quite frequently. I have to imagine if he had gone to Sirius and told him that he wanted out of the Death Eaters, Sirius probably would've helped him.

I noticed a few small typos.

back into the fry, pushing – into the fray

a bloody, frightened coward – unless you are calling him bloody in the literal sense (as in covered in blood)…take the comma out.

had to be something he can do, - he could do

All in all, I think this is a good first chapter! Welcome to the multiple WIP's club! :D

~Kaitlin

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Review #14, by Gabriella Hunter Prologue

2nd June 2015:
HELLO!

This is Gabbie from the forums dumping this review on you! It's good to be back, we shall have to swap again soon! I'm also sorry for this being so late, blame Attack on Titan for being too awesome for me. Also, never binge watch that anime without sleep...it will mess up your little mind. :D

Anyway, on to this! Wow, wow, wow. Amazing! I haven't read many stories that feature Regulus while he's still a Death Eater. My goodness, this was fantastic!

I don't read many stories that feature the brutality and violence the Death Eater's cause and I'm so glad that you didn't stray from it. I don't think this really comes up often in fan fiction (I wrote the Battle of Hogwarts with lots of violence in one of my stories and was unsure if it was the right move) and I think that you handled it brilliantly. I could go on and on with how much I enjoyed this: Your imagery is incredible and I loved Regulus's shock as he went through this battle.

The opening scene is so harsh and brutal that it caught me off guard and I'll admit, I might have bruised my face trying to read every single word. It's action-packed, bloody and gruesome and I absolutely adored it. The strain of pretending to be something that he isn't was something that I thought you focused on well here with Regulus. He thought that he was going to bring his family honor and pride but the reality was far too harsh for him.

I think he realized his mistake too soon and I could feel a little bitterness as well. Sirius tried to warn him but I feel like he might hold some blame against him now that he's finally seen the truth. I though that was a very human reaction as well but my absolute favorite part of this is the boy Regulus went to school with.

How shocking is it to face off against someone you know, when you're fighting on the wrong side? I could only imagine how the professors at Hogwarts felt during the Battle of Hogwarts when they faced off against Death Eaters, who had at one point been former students. Just...damning, really. How would you react? I LOVED that Regulus was forced to see what he had done, the damage that he had caused in that one moment. That boy was the image of every evil that he would commit and it's going to stick with me. :D

Anyway, I obviously loved this and I must say something else: How dare you hide this from me for so long! Make sure that you stop by more often in the future!

Much love,

Gabbie

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Review #15, by tangledconstellations Prologue

31st May 2015:
Heya!

Laura here for our review swap :) Sorry about the slight delay! The weather suddenly turned fantastic yesterday so anything related to sitting-inside was thrown by the wayside :P

This was an awesome first chapter. I've always been so interested in Regulus as a character and I've never really read him in a way that I could relate to. Until now! I think you wrote him wonderfully here - he's so aware of everything around him, especially in that what he's doing is wrong, but at the same time he's still quite content to indulge in it. Even though he was physically sick during the battle he was still willing to go home and to be mollycoddled and praised by his mother - and I think it's really important that you didn't have him change ~too~ much in this first chapter. It's definitely more believable this way, because suddenly shirking all of the ties he has to his family would be so hard, even if he was starting to doubt their beliefs.

The opening to this chapter was really great - it was really vivid and action packed. You're really good at describing very movement filled scenes! That's something I really struggle to do, so, great job! You captured my imagination and I really got a feel for the fight that was going on. The Ravenclaw boy getting caught by the spell was horrific, and yet you wrote it in such a visual and appealing way. The whole scene was just so energetic and engaging and very satisfying to read. At this point, I'm really excited to see where you take this, and what exactly the second chapter will hold.

You really have set up a degree of intrigue surrounding Sirius too - it's interesting to see that Regulus feels as though he was abandoned. It's really easy to forget that Sirius as a character was quite headstrong and probably quite harsh, too, especially towards Regulus. I guess he just had such a strong moral compass that he couldn't understand nor had time for people who did the 'wrong' thing. But for Regulus who was so easily swayed by his parents, having Sirius reject him like that must have been really difficult, and really quite strange. I'm excited to see what happens to the two of them - if they talk, if they ~nearly~ become civil again.

A fantastic first chapter! :D

Laura xxx

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Review #16, by Princesss Prologue

29th May 2015:
I found reading this rather intense but in a good way. I like how you have portrayed Regulus' doubts more developing over time with the Death Eaters rather than just a result of one event. I also really love how you put there to be more than one reasoning behind him wanting to leave (I'm including the Kreacher thing in this btw) as it makes more sense to see the character's doubts showing before the events of the cave night.

The writing itself really gets the reader into the mindset of Regulus and of what he is thinking and I personally really enjoy that style of writing. I could really visualise everything that you were describing and how it looked through Regulus' eyes.

I also enjoyed how you mentioned his relationship with Sirius before and after Hogwarts. It's a great contrast with what was and what is now at this present moment in the story. Not only that but also describing the reasons Regulus decided to join Voldemort's side really helped sympathise with the character in a way and I think that is extremely important.

Overall a really great story and I would most definitely read more of it. A great proglogue!

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Review #17, by Infinityx Prologue

29th May 2015:
Hi there, here for our swap!

Before I start gushing about this chapter, let me just get one small mistake I noticed out of the way. In a couple of places you've written "apart" instead of "a part." They are at these three places:
>He'd played his role, and there was no excuse for what he now was apart of.
>Hate at what he'd helped to do. What he was apart of.
>same look his brother had given him when he'd found out what he'd done, what he'd become apart of.
Apart means to be separate so that word kind of breaks the flow of the chapter while reading. I suggest you clear those up when you get the time. I didn't spot any other mistakes and it was a really great, smooth read. :)

Now for the gushing.
WOW. SERIOUSLY, WOW.
You totally have a knack for writing action scenes. I find it a little difficult because I either describe each thing too much or too little but the descriptions here were just perfect and you totally NAILED the setting. I'm impressed.

Your descriptions were just amazing, and I could clearly visualize what was happening. I love how you've characterized Regulus, and his thoughts and reactions to everything that happens are so well written. And everything fits perfectly with canon!

I'm also impressed by the way you've paced out this chapter. Sometimes, action scenes tend to move quickly without enough time devoted to the details but that wasn't so over here. The pace was perfect as well, and there were a lot of details you included here without it seeming like there was too much happening.

I feel so sad for Regulus. I mean, it's something we all go through at some point or the other - we make the wrong choices, go against what a family member or friend says, and then regret it - of course, it's not to the extent to what Regulus is going through but regret is a way of life and it's easy to relate to his feelings.

And that poor Ravenclaw! :( I was wondering what Reg would do since he didn't really want to fight there any more, and then Bellatrix happened. I like how you've brought her into this chapter as well. It makes it so well-rounded.

And the way Regulus' contrasting feelings are shown - his desire to make his parents proud in the beginning and then not feeling that way once they are - I love the way you've included that here.

This is a pretty short chapter but it's certainly rich with details and captured my attention as soon as I began reading. I think it's great that you've managed to make it so amazing and full to the brim without compromising on the pace. :)

Loved reading this first chapter! I hope you don't find the CC too harsh! I would love to swap again so don't hesitate to shoot me a message if you do as well. I'll come back to read this once you update. :)



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Review #18, by cherry_pop94 Prologue

28th May 2015:
Hi there!

I'm here for our review swap. I've never read a lot of Regulus stories before, so this is a lovely change for me.

This started really strong. You've set a really brutal scene here, made all the worse due to the very young age of the combatants. I think that might be the saddest part of this - so many of the fighters of both sides are children.

The actions scenes are really well done. You had been wincing at the vivid descriptions. They played out in my head like a movie, which I always think is a marker of excellent descriptive writing.

I also very much enjoy the way you've characterized Regulus. He's so full of regret already on his life choices and he's really starting to come into his own, away from his family's expectations.

I'm very excited to see where you take this and how you fit in all of Regulus's story into just 5 chapters.

Excellent work and thanks for sharing!

-Stefi

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Review #19, by StarFeather Prologue

28th May 2015:
Hi,I came back to your story (review swap).

First, your banner is stunning. How did you make it? The color is perfect. You set young Regulus, house-elf, Death Eater mask and the chain effectively.

I'm always impressed by your abundant words sequence, you're a gifted author.

I love this plot. You described charisma of Bellatrix very well. I like that you wrote about Regulus' remorse for what he'd done remembering what his brother, Sirius taught him. I really love your idea to set the battle scene where Regulus realized what was a ritght thing.
I like a true Gryffindor. I like the kind of story, Snape and Regulus with complicated situation ended behaving like a Gryffindor.

;)Kenny

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Review #20, by alicia and anne Prologue

28th May 2015:
Heya!

Ooo a beautifully descriptive opening, they're my favourite thing to read. Especially one as dark as this one, straight into a battle.

I love how you've shown Regulus's thoughts and feelings over what he helped do. He's certainly realising just how cruel and destructive the life of a Death Eater is and you can tell that he instantly regrets having any part in it.

I feel sorry for him, but I don't because he signed up for this, but at least he has seen the error of his choices, at least he is feeling some remorse.

Oh my! That was a horrible scene! That poor Ravenclaw! Noone deserves to go that way *cries*

I wish that he had listened to Sirius beforehand, and had realised how right he was. But poor Regulus had been blinded by the glamour and the empty promises that had been given to him.

This was such a haunting first chapter, you wrote the devastation and the horror so well and I couldn't help but feel devastated over the terrors of war.

I can't wait to see where this goes now that Regulus has realised how horrible being a Death Eater really is.

Keep up the amazing writing!

Tammi
xx

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