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Reading Reviews for Blackness
  
9 Reviews Found

Review #1, by jessicalorewrites Fear

26th June 2015:
hey! jess here, reading and reviewing so that I can (finally lol) get the results out for the diversity challenge. the results should be out within the next couple of days so keep your eyes peeled over on the forums!

I'm such a big shipper of deanmus so this fic made me smile so bad because I just adore them recently, they really do warm my heart and make me smile. especially things as cute as this (even if it did have its fair share of darker undertones).

at the start of the story I think the way the different povs are seperated was quite confusing but I quickly got my head around it and worked out what was going on. I don't actually have any suggestions for how it could be made less confusing... I think you're alright to leave it as it is because it very quickly becomes apparant that the normal text is dean and the italicised font is seamus. anyway I really like that you DID use alternating povs because it enabled me to see the events from both points of view, exploring how it directly affected seamus and how he was coping with it whilst also getting to look at how dean reacted to it all. it was significantly more objective and I'm glad that you did choose a dual pov rather than just sticking to one narrator.

the pain I experienced throughout this all was so real and heartbreaking. I've personally never been something remotely similar to what dean/seamus go through but you write the emotions they experience so vividly it almost feels like I'm suffering from this too. you capture everying--both seamus' fear and confusion, and dean's terror and worry. I imagine it was incredibly difficult for both and you really captured that both of them were suffering but in quite different ways, through your narrative and description. even seamus' frustration when he got to go home and considered himself 'useless'. you've gone above and beyond to create a really harrowing but realistic portrayal of what going suffering a serious injury is like for the individual and for their close loved ones ♥

the ending is exactly what I needed to mend my fractured heart. the development of seamus' spell came a little out of no where but it is such a nice touch! I don't really understand how it works either but the fact that it DOES is so so incredible. I'd like to see seamus sharing his expertise and discovery with the rest of the magical community, possibly to help other blind or partially-sighted witches and wizards.

great story kaitlin! ♥

- jess, xo

Author's Response: Hey Jess!

Dean/Seamus is my OTP, so I was thrilled to have a chance to write about them.

I sort of figured it might be confusing in the beginning, but as you pointed out, I couldn't really figure out how to make it less confusing short of labeling the POVs which I find to be too cumbersome.

I'm glad that once you settled into the duel POVs it became clearer who was who and that it even helped to advance the stories. That's what I had hoped for.

I was so worried that the emotions wouldn't be realistic enough, so it's a great relief that you think they were. I haven't personally been through anything like this either, but I did try really hard to imagine how I would feel if I was in both positions.

I think when I go back and edit this I will add a bit more detail around the end. And I definitely think he would share his experience!

Thanks for the review and the wonderful challenge!

~Kaitlin


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Review #2, by TearsIMustConceal Fear

12th June 2015:
Hey Kaitlin, here with your review! Iím so sorry itís taken so long, house cup craziness sort of took over, this being my first one and all!

First of all, let me say that this story was amazing Ė the detail was incredible, so vivid and heartbreaking! The scene at St. Mungoís was so realistic and perfectly done Ė you mirrored the emotions of both sides Ė the patient who is terrified about what is happening and the family member who is waiting for any kind of news to be given. The whole story is wonderfully done!

As for your concerns, flow is definitely not an issue. Each paragraph flows seamlessly into each other and I can easily keep up with what is happening with both Seamus and Dean. I think you have paced the story well and I donít think any of it is rushed Ė youíve taken time to describe what both Dean and Seamus are feeling and all of it works extremely well.

As for the distinguishing the POVs, at first I wasnít sure Ė I didnít realise that it was Seamus narrating at first but it soon made sense after Deanís POV and then it went back to Seamus once more. Perhaps you could space the paragraphs out a little more, make the POVs more distinguishable for the reader? I honestly think the rest of the POVs are easily recognised, due to the detail and inner turmoil each character is facing itís just the first part of the story that could be a little confusing. And as for who is talking, I think itís extremely clear Ė youíve used a lot of detail and a lot of emotion and itís this that makes it easy to know whether it is Dean or Seamus narrating. The heartbreak and anguish of both characters is wonderfully written!

I think the ending is sweet and it really made me feel warm and fuzzy! I love that Dean and Seamus got their happy ending! I think after so much pain and despair, itís only right that things look up for them both and they can live happily ever after! And I loved how Seamus was able to hit the target with his magic Ė he really did deserve to find a way through his ordeal!

Overall, this was an amazing, well written piece and youíve captured every emotion, every feeling realistically. I really felt everything Seamus and Dean were going through, and you switched from characters seamlessly and effortlessly. I really enjoyed reading this and I love that you shipped these two Ė itís the first time Iíve read Dean/Seamus but I must say, I quite enjoy the pairing!

You did an amazing job with this Kaitlin!

-Vicki

Author's Response: Hey Vicki,

No worries. I get how crazy House Cup is.

I'm thrilled that you liked the story overall. I always get a little nervous when I post something new, so it makes me feel relieved.

Yay for good flow and pace!

I've received a decent bit of feedback saying that the first switch or two was confusing, so I may go back and see if I can find a way to clarify it a bit. I'm glad that everything afterwards was clear and complete.

I was a bit worried that the ending was a little to neat and tidy, but I'm glad that it gave you the warm fuzzies. :D

Thank you so much for the lovely reviews!

~Kaitlin


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Review #3, by cherry_pop94 Fear

7th June 2015:
Hey Caitlyn! Iím here for the review you requested.

This story was wonderful. I think it showed a very genuine love and healing process. I even teared up a little towards the middle. As usual, your writing is excellent and painted a very vivid image in my mind.

With the italics, it was very clear who was speaking when. Especially because Dean and Seamus narrate with different voices. Seamusís is a little choppier, which is perfect for what heís going through. I like that you didnít indicate each change in POV with their names because that keeps the beginning more ambiguous and draws the reader in. As for the timeline, I got a little confused in the beginning since Dean and Seamus donít appear to be following the same timeline. Seamusís narration starts a little further into the future than Deanís right? That caused a bit of confusion, but I picked up on it by the end and things were relatively clear. I actually quite like this ambiguity regarding timelines and POV though. I think it adds to the writing. Seamus and Dean are in a very confusing part of their lives and I think it works very well that the reader may also be a bit confused as well.

As for the ending, I found that it did not hit me as hard emotionally as the beginning and middle did. The part where you talk about Seamusís pain and healing process really felt like a punch in the gut, especially him dealing with blindness, but the ending seemed a little too sweet. I felt as if there wasnít much build up towards the ending, no hints that Seamus was slowly improving. So the end seemed a bit sudden. I think itís a sweet ending though (Iím a sucker for happy endings) and Iím very glad that you chose to have Seamus be able to continue his life. I think there may be a few logistical problems for a spell of that nature (whatís to stop a non-blind wizard from using it to always hit their target, in say, a duel?), but it is definitely a great piece of magical innovation for blind wizards and witches.

Overall, I thought this was a really well done story. But like you said, the ending is a little funny.

Thanks for sharing this!

-Stefi

Author's Response: Hey Stefi,

I'm so glad you liked it.

I'm happy that the POV/timeline worked for you. I've had a few comments about it being confusing, so I was really worried that I needed to re-tool the beginning.

I understand what you mean about it not having as much impact. That was actually something I was worried about. I'll have to go through and punch it up a bit. Maybe show a bit more struggle at figuring out the spell.

Thanks for taking the time to look this over.

~Kaitlin


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Review #4, by merlins beard Fear

5th June 2015:
Hey Kaitlin!
I'm here for our swap.
Let me just say congrats on the MOTM again, you really deserve it!

Every time I read one of your stories I ask myself why I haven't gone through all of them yet (something always seems to come up).
Dean/Seamus is one of the pairings that just seem so natural to me, it's like they were meant to be, even though there's nothing about them in the books.
An accident is always a good way of showing how close people really are. Dean is so worried about his husband, and he handles everything so well, giving him time to grow accustomed to the new life situation.

Blindness seems so terrible for me (especially because I'm a very clumsy person, and I imagine thar my constant streak of injuries would get so much worse if I couldn't see)
It's something I haven't really thought about much, but it frightens me, and I can completely undetstand that Seamus feels lost.

A potions experiment gone wrong seems sp clichť for Seamus at first, but you've really developed it into something more.

I noticed one small thing:

The doctor gives my hand a reassuring squeeze. ďEverything is going to be alright.Ē
You may want to exchange the 'doctor' with 'healer'...


Thanks for the swap, I really enjoyed reading this :D

~Anja

Author's Response: Hey Anja!

Thank you so much! I was so surprised to get it!

I'm glad you like Dean/Seamus as well. They're definitely my OTP.

Accidents either bring people together or push them apart. With the close relationship that Dean and Seamus have, I imagine this helping them to bond.

Blindness is terrifying for me too. Mainly because it would mean I couldn't do my job or race my motorcycle or enjoy traveling in the way that I had before. I tried to take a bit of that fear and write it into what Seamus is going through.

I know. I was worried about the cliche, but then I figured I could try to expand it into something a little more meaningful.

Thanks for catching that typo!

And thanks for the swap!

~Kaitlin


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Review #5, by kenpo Fear

4th June 2015:
Hello!

I actually had most of the review typed out yesterday before I had to leave... so sorry if this review is even more scatter-brained than usual, I'm trying to remember everything that I wanted to say!

The fact that this was a Dean/Seamus made me ridiculously happy... I rarely get the chance to read them, but I really love them together!

I thought that the nixed POV's were really great here. I especially that Seamus' parts were in italics. I can't pinpoint exactly what type of effect it had, what exactly it was doing... but I really liked it, and it sort of pulled the whole story together.

I liked the medical stuff that you added! It was creative, and showed that you put a lot of thought into this fic.

The other thing that I really liked about this was how it was a full story. You followed through from his injury, through his physical recovery, and then with him really coming to terms with his condition.

OH and your intro made my skin crawl. It was really well written.

This was great! I loved the way you wrote this ship! If it isn't already, I'll be adding to the Dean/Seamus recommendation thread.

-Georgia

Author's Response: Hey Georgia,

Dean/Seamus is my OTP, so they make me ridiculously happy too. :D

I'm happy to hear that you enjoyed the rotating POVs. I've had a few comments on the beginning of it being a bit confusing, so it's nice hearing that it worked out well.

I really did put a ton of thought into what it would be like to be blind in the magical world. I'm glad you noticed all of the medical stuff.

I'm happy that you liked the fullness. I was a little worried that it might come across too rushed.

I'm sorry the intro made your skin crawl, but in a way that's a good thing.

Thank you so much for all of your kind words!

~Kaitlin


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Review #6, by CaramelDiamant Fear

4th June 2015:
Hello Kaitlin,


ohohoh goosebumps all over my body the whole time! I think you did fantastically with the drama turning into depression a bit and still ending it with hope.

Okay, as always, starting at the top:

As I usually donít read the summary, I didnít know which challenge it was written for nor who exactly was speaking. That might be my own habit, but as there are many readers who donít participate on the forums, they might encounter the same difficulties. I actually thought that the first paragraph was the narrator speaking. Anyway, after the second italics paragraph the missing puzzle-piece fit in and it all made sense :D I think it was a bit unclear because the first paragraph is written in past tense, whereas the following POVs from Seamus are in present tense, so it would be my suggestion to level it similar to the whole story. And one last thing on this topic: Maybe the POVs could be separated a bit more for better readability?

Nevertheless, as I already mentioned, the description of emotion was very intense and I could completely identify with Dean; his nervousness at first about what had happened, and afterwards the feeling of utter shock and helplessness. To see oneís beloved and thinking he/she is dead, only to find out theyíre alive but seriously and permanently injured is one of my personal nightmares. What youíre describing is pure horror and I almost shed a tear! No, really, I canít stop rambling about it, as it captured me so completely!

*Slow breathing Ė in Ė out* Well, back to your story:

Some random things I loved were the medical stuff you thought about, especially the decontamination spell. Iíve never seen this before and I think itís a wonderful idea. It makes so much sense! In that category falls the aiming-spell Seamus works out, as well. The idea itself is just as good but it came a bit easyÖif you know what I mean? Okay, itís a short story, but maybe there could be a couple of hidden hints, like Ďhe closed off more and more in his studyí or anything in that direction? And finally he surprises Dean with it. Just to get it all smoothed out :)
Also somehow related is the fact that Seamus canít apparate due to his fragile skin, which is a very good reason and shall be edited into my list of ĎWhen not to apparateí (which I keep in case I ever wrote something in that direction and if youíre cool with that Iíll ask you again if I can use it, of course with crediting!).

And, drawing to an end, I want to appreciate your dealing with the relation between Dean and Seamus. Both characters have their own issues, although triggered by the same event, they obviously are effected in a very different way. Due to the POV change we actually get a look in each head, which is why I think the storyline would also be a brilliant pick for the Different POV challenge ;) My favourite character from this story would be Dean, because you go even deeper into his flow of thoughts, making me feel his struggle. What youíre teaching us is, I think, that there is no right way to be dealing with such a life-changing accident, but you can try to help and support anyway. And maybe in just giving that, there is a chance to heal/ to adapt to the situation not only for your partner, but yourself. I canít speak for anyone who might be in this situation, but Iíve experienced family members being seriously ill, and that being said, my biggest compliment to you is that I was somehow reminded of that by your story, completely zooming out of HP and reflecting on my personal life!


Lots of love,
Jo

Author's Response: Hey Jo!

I'm sorry that you found the beginning switches a bit confusing. I'm not exactly sure how to make it any clearer since one is italicized and one is not.

I understand what you mean. I find the idea of having a loved one maimed to be terrifying as well and I tried to include a bit of that fear in this story.

I'm glad you enjoyed the medical spells and info that I included/made up. Since I work in kitchens, I've dealt with plenty of nasty burns and am very familiar with how fragile skin is when it heals from a really bad burn. Since apparation already puts you at risk of splinching, I figured it might be particularly damaging to extra fragiles skin.

Thanks for your notes on the ending. I was a bit concerned that maybe I made it just a bit too tidy, so I'll go through and tweak it a bit.

That's a huge compliment for you to say that this reminded you a bit of real life. I always try to keep things as close to reality as I can.

Thanks for such a thoughtful and detailed review!

~Kaitlin


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Review #7, by Roisin Fear

4th June 2015:
Swap!

Oh my gosh--this story is so vivid and harrowing :( You really nail the panic (both Seamus and Dean's) and did an excellent job capturing the nerve-wracking hospital experience. Anyone who's ever been a patient will surely relate, likewise, anyone who's ever been terrified waiting to hear news.

Seamus' confusion when he wakes up might have been the most striking moment to me. You also did a great job on the fear and worry of being cast into the world (subway scene) when Seamus still hasn't learned to adapt or cope.

Is an OTP when you flat out /reject/ a character being paired with anyone else? If so, Deamus is my OTP (they also just BEG to be portmanteau'd). It's always nice to see stories about them, and this one was an interesting addition for not being pure fluff. Different perspectives and angles are always nice.

I'm reminded a bit of a prompt from last House Cup--something about darkness being short lived and hope. This story actually retroactively fits that prompt in an uncanny way while also subverting it, since the blackness does remain (I'm certain you will be a BEAST at writing for prompts during HC!)

I noticed one little typo ("I her Seamus moving around"--hear), but that was it. Kudos!

Thank you for the swap :)
xoxo
Roisin

Author's Response: Hey Roisin!

I'm so happy to hear that you think I captured the tragedy and panic of a hospital experience. I tried to take a bit from my own personal experience.

I worked hard on trying to imagine waking up and not being able to see, so I'm happy to hear it was clear and came across the right way.

YES!!! Dean/Seamus is my OTP as well! I love them together and have actually written them more than any other pairing. :D

Wow. That does really fit that prompt.

Thanks for the swap!

~Kaitlin


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Review #8, by Claire Evergreen Fear

3rd June 2015:
Back again for our swap!

YAAASSS A DEAN/SEAMUS STORY!! I absolutely love the two of them so I'm incredibly excited to see your take on it!

I don't know why I didn't expect this to hurt when I read the summary, but you managed to rip my heart out in the first few paragraphs. I got extremely scared that Seamus had actually died in that accident and I was going to be gone at that point. I love how you wrote the beginning. The way you formatted everything really lent itself to adding suspense, especially the first little bit in Seamus's POV.

Speaking of POV, I love how you split everything up between the two boys. I think you picked perfect places to switch that really highlighted the relationship between the two of them. You can tell that Dean truly does care about him, no matter what may happen and the panic at the beginning and end of the story really makes that clear.

I love the dynamic you have between the two of them. I have read my fair share of Dean/Seamus fics from multiple authors and I love yours just as much as the others. Even though it wasn't the fuff I normally read, this was still an absolutely fantastic story that I'm so glad I got the chance to read. I hope you do well in the challenge, you definitely deserve it with this entry!

-Claire

Author's Response: Hey Claire!

I absolutely love Dean/Seamus too! In fact, they are my OTP.

I'm sorry for ripping your heart out. *hugs* Yeah, I wanted it to be properly suspenseful, but I can imagine not knowing what's going to happen being terrifying.

I'm glad you liked the POV switches. I've had a few comments about the first few switches being confusing, so it's nice knowing that it was clear for you.

I'm so happy that you liked my version of Dean/Seamus. I've written them a few different times and I just love them so much together.

Thanks for all of your kind words!

~Kaitlin


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Review #9, by CassiePotter Fear

30th May 2015:
Hello! I was looking for one-shots to read and as soon as I saw this, I wanted to come read it!
I thought this was absolutely brilliant. Some parts of it were very hard to read, because what Seamus went through was so awful, but I really loved the way you ended it on a hopeful note. I was really worried that Seamus wouldn't be able to go back to his old self and Dean would have to watch him suffering. But the fact that Seamus got some of his humor and fun back, and he and Dean could just be happy together was really nice. I also loved the way you switched between the two POVs. I think that lent itself really well to this story.
This was some really, really great writing.
Cassie :)

Author's Response: Hi Cassie!

Thank you so much for dropping by to read this!

There is definitely some very graphic description in the beginning.

I'm really happy that you liked the balance. I didn't want this to be all dark and depressing. (Mainly because I love Dean/Seamus so much and I couldn't break their hearts)

I was really nervous about the POV switches being too confusing, so I'm happy to hear that you thought it worked out well.

Thanks for a lovely review!

~Kaitlin


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