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Reading Reviews for A Wedding
  
27 Reviews Found

Review #1, by May A Feeling

14th July 2016:
Looking forward to next chapter

Author's Response: Hello!

Hope to see you again!

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #2, by victoria_anne A Mistake

4th May 2016:
Hey Gab! ♥

(I'm going to be reviewing as I read, sorry if I'm more all over the place than normal)

Oooh poor Scorp! I think you captured his reaction and anguish really well, and I like that Albus is the voice of reason in this - that's definitely how I see him being.

Oh gosh, Albus was hit in the head with a Bludger a few years ago? OUCH! But kissed by a mermaid in his third year?! You really need to write a short story collection of these! (You can leave out Hermione's cooking though :P)

Weddings are fun, aren't they?

AW Scorpius can waltz! That is so cute, I love the little details you've put into their characters!

I love this line: The three of them were separate people but it was at times like these that they really did appear like one breathing entity. I think it describes a group like theirs perfectly ♥

I'm sorry Scorpius but Lavender has a point! You really do have to judge someone by how they treat others (I think there's a quote from Dumbledore about that?) - who's to say Scorpius wouldn't do the same to Lavender? (I've also been Lav in this situation - eek!)

Again, Albus is the voice of reason. That boy has a sensible head on his shoulders.

Oh my Merlin that cult sounds terrible! That's a terrifying thing to have happened! (You weren't kidding about the darkness in this chapter!) But at the same time, it's something I can see happening. Of course there would still be those radical-type people believing in blood supremacy and trying to finish Voldemort's work.

*hugs Scorpius and never lets him go*

I can't believe all those horrible things he's been hiding! But I'm glad it's all out in the open for them - I hope their relationship can only go up from here!

The only tip I would give you is to break up the dialogue a little bit. There's a lot of it, and it's all great, but it would flow smoother with a few more action tags - paint the scene of where they are for us! Drinking, pacing, waving to passing relatives - anything like that :) weddings are busy places!

Apart from that, another great chapter! :) x

♥ Bianca

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Review #3, by Penelope Inkwell A Secret

1st May 2016:
Swap 1/2

Hey Gabbie! I've finally worked my way over for our swap! Here I am, ready to give chapter 2 some love!

There was a sea of red smothering the landscape and Albus thought that the Burrow was on fire before he realized that it was merely a large crowd of his relatives.
--Baha! Love that you're launching right into the humor. All those Weasley redheads.

I love how Albus tells Lily that there aren't going to be acrobats while kind of eyeing the joint unsurely.

-“I don't think she's been this bad since Bill and Fleur's wedding.” She finished, shuddering.

-“Don't remind me,” their father said, paling.

--I loved this little throwback to Molly's wedding craze back in Deathly Hallows!

You do a good job of dropping a hint with that scar. It makes me eager to find out what's happening there. So Draco & Pansy got divorced? Did he marry Astoria? Or someone else? I'm quite curious!

Lavender was very good at magic but she would probably conjure a flock of demonic bunnies to eat Scorpious if she were angry enough...
--Hahaha!

“I can't believe there's more of you?”
--I have to say, that seems like a *pretty* innocuous comment, but I could see how Ginny would take offense. She & Fleur didn't get on in the books & I could imagine that rivalry & negative bias continuing through their entire lives.

Oh my gosh, a crazy Pureblood cult tried to use Scorpious' blood?!? That's where his scar comes from? Oh my, but that is some dramatic backstory! I suppose I can see why he's so short-tempered. To say he's had a rough go of it would be an incredible understatement. Do you have a separate story about that?

Lavender was a wonderful person but out of the three of them, Albus had to admit that she was probably the weirdest
--Really? Weirder than you, Albus, a boy who reads his little sister's diary for tips on "coolness" & is currently sporting what *may* possibly be centuries-old womenswear? Stranger than Scorpious "Temper at the Drop of a Hat" Malfoy? Really? Those in glass Burrows shouldn't throw stones, Al ;)

-“You look like you're hyperventilating,” Albus said dryly.
-“Then let me, dammit!”

--You've nailed exactly how it feels when you're blushing & your friend decides to *call attention to it*! Why?! would they DO that??

Albus wondered why it felt like he had just walked in on his parents snogging.
--that's another fun description of the awkwardness when 2 friends have ~romantic tension~.

Oh poor Scorpious! I'm guessing that Lavender won't have him bc he has a history as a player. And then next thing she's saying she might move off to India! That is tragic! I mean, for Albus, too. I know it's easier to travel with magic, but it's hard to have a dear friend move halfway round the world. And judging from the group dynamic I'm seeing, things *really* could never be the same without her.


CC: The main things are still some run-on sentences. Those chiefly arise from the way you're doing the dialogue, though, so it's an easy fix.

The problem is that most of your dialogue isn't in the right format. Typically, unless the sentence before is describing *how* the dialogue is said, the dialogue will being a completely new sentence. Then, stuff like he said quietly *isn't* meant to be in a new sentence. You just separate it from the dialogue with a comma. I've pulled a few examples from the text:

(1) The damage had been done and he would probably be buried in these ratty old robes by the end of the day, “It's so crowded.” He heard their mother murmur after a moment as they all seemed to take in the giant mass of people milling about.
--This should be: The damage had been done and he would probably be buried in these ratty old robes by the end of the day. “It's so crowded," he heard their mother murmur after a moment as they all seemed to take in the giant mass of people milling about.

(2) ...as if she expected Aunt Fleur to be lurking around the corner like a Boggart, “I don't think I've seen so many of our relatives being in one place in a long time.” She said, sounding baffled.
--Here it would be: ...as if she expected Aunt Fleur to be lurking around the corner like a Boggart. “I don't think I've seen so many of our relatives being in one place in a long time,” she said, sounding baffled.

The exception would be like: He dropped his voice and whispered, "Where have you been?" But in the cases I saw, the sentence prior to the dialogue doesn't tie in that way, so they should be split. I point this out bc your dialogue is SO funny, & I don't want anything to take away from it.

- The Malfoy's were still infamous
- some old grudge they have against the Weasley's
- the true nature of Wendigo's

--watch out for using apostrophes to indicate plurals. This should be Malfoys, Weasleys, Wendigos.

Albus was really looking forward to getting out of the heat, he felt like a baked potato and the high, lacy collar was making him itch.
--This sentence is really funny! I loved it. However, it should be split by either a semicolon or a period, as it's a run-on. i.e. Albus was really looking forward to getting out of the heat; he felt like a baked potato and the high, lacy collar was making him itch.

I just had a question--why is Percy doing so much for Roxie's wedding? It might be good to explain that somehow. Maybe she's his favorite niece? He lost a bet with George?

Scorpious, canonically, is spelled Scorpius.


This chapter was super cute & fun, just like the last one. I really do enjoy reading a humor fic from you. Albus' voice is so woebegone & funny! I'm already enjoying the characters, & I feel connected to them, you know? You're great at writing characters that people want to root for, & connect to quickly. That's such a great skill! I enjoyed this chapter & look forward to more!

--Penny

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks for stopping by with this review! I haven't forgotten about yours, I've just been kind of busy doing stuff. I had to get my hair done and I've been packing for another move. It's been a mess. Hahaha.

Anyway, this!

I wasn't quite sure about this chapter and I struggled with it a lot. It originally doesn't start this way at all, I actually open on a fight between Scorp and Teddy of all people. That didn't quite fit at the time so I decided to save that for later and thought the visual gag of red would be a better opening.

You know, there might actually be acrobats at the wedding. I'm not quite sure just how crazy I want it to get, I might not do the dancing elephants though. Hahahah.

I haven't actually written Grandma Molly yet but I love these little odes back to canon. It had to be a nightmare, I'm sure.

I explain the scar in the next chapter, it's actually some pretty grisly stuff so be prepared for a mood change. Haha. Draco and Pansy are divorced but he's not married to Astoria. I haven't really talked much about his new wife but I'll have her included briefly so I don't confuse you guys.

I feel like Fleur and Ginny will never get along. I'm exaggerating their animosity for comedic reasons but I honestly don't think they hate one another. It's more like a mutual misunderstanding that they have never cleared up.

Yes! A crazy cult DID try to take Scorp's blood! That actually is a reference to my other story, "Albus Potter and the Dark Lord's Prince." It's my first fanfic and although these specific events haven't happened yet, it is a very important part of that story.

Awkward teen romance is fun! Hahah.

Well, to be fair: Out of the three Misfits, Lavender really is the weirdest for some of the stuff she does. You would have to read Albus Potter and the Dark Lord's Prince because it's clearer in that story. Hahaha. Albus is a goofy kid and Scorp has his temper but Lavender is something else entirely.

I'm not quite sure what.

Oh! I've corrected all of these CC's in my edited version of this chapter. I wasn't really feeling it and went back a while back to clean it up. Most of these things I changed but I appreciate the help, I can always go through and sweep up a few more.

Percy is doing so much for Roxanne because he loves her dearly but at the same time, he and George are having a competition to see who can throw the most outlandish parties. I think I scrapped that from this version of the chapter because Harry mentions it to Ginny and the kids shudder at how awful both of them are. Hahahah.

Also, Percy and George are very close in my universe so it's not that unusual for him to do this for Roxanne. He kind of spoiled George growing up and he does the same for his kids.

I spell Scorpious with that annoying "O" because it's kind of like...making fun of myself for not being able to spell. I kept messing up his name in my other story and oddly enough, it just stuck. He feels more like mine and not quite like the other legions of Scorpius's running around on the forums.

It's the same reason why in A Force of Wills, Astoria's brother has the same spelling. I'm a lazy person, don't judge me.

*Shakes fist*

I'm glad that you enjoy the story so far and I hope to see you again for the third chapter. It has a slightly different tone than these first two, so it'd be nice to hear from you. :D

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #4, by Penelope Inkwell A Wedding

26th April 2016:
Hey girl! Finally here for our review swap!

So I was gonna beeline for some more Percy/Audrey, since I recently read and enjoyed Sanctuary. But then I saw that you had this multi-chaptered WIP and it had been recently updated and it was Next-Gen, and I don't think I've previously read any Next-Gen stories by you, so I wanted to come and check this out.

I should have known. I always enjoy your sense of humor that peeks out through the angsty fics, so in a Next-Gen comedy, I should have known that I'd want to copy and paste like half the lines to show you "Ooh! I laughed here! This made me smile." As it happened, I couldn't possibly paste in *everything* that cracked me up, so I've chosen a select few, for your reading pleasure:


(He sometimes read his sister's diary to know what was considered “cool” with younger kids)
--this is wonderful. It's hilarious, and it automatically tells us a good bit about the characters. Lily is apparently a trendsetter, and Albus is clearly more hopeless than we might have first thought. Plus, it's just cute. Most brothers would read their sisters' diaries for blackmail material; Albus reads it for *advice*. :')

The three of them were rarely apart, causing most of the teachers and students to treat them like they were either a horrible jinx or as one living entity.
--I just liked the visual here. I could completely imagine the professors' reactions when these three walked into their rooms.

He scowled irritably, wondering how many bottles of their mother's hair products he'd used this time to achieve such perfection.
--Gabbie this is brilliant! It's these little details that I absolutely love. Like, you've set James up as someone who is clearly considered super cool, but this little dig is wonderful because it shows us that it isn't effortless. James may pretend to be all carefree and cool, but he's primping and fixing his hair with Ginny's stolen product! That's such a hilarious visual! And it not only adds humor, but also depth to his character. He's not just the stereotypical cool kid. Plus, it's just the sort of thing a little brother would know about you. Save this information, Albus. Use it when the time is right!

There was something about engaging a pretty girl in conversation that was far more terrifying than being burned alive.
--Bahaha, this kid is hopeless.

“Are you scared that he'll break up with you?” James asked blandly.
--this speaks for yourself. The comedy here is in the timing.

knock it off up there or I'll jinx your mouths shut. I want you downstairs in five minutes or I'll come up there and get you myself—it isn't funny, Harry!”
--I LOVED this glimpse of Ginny. She's her old, spirited self, just with that spirit now working to keeping 3 children in line. It was the aside to Harry that really made it, though.

Phlegm will never let me hear the end of it.
--Another throwback to old school Ginny. It's fun to imagine their feud going on forever. So glad to see the reappearance of Phlegm!


CC: You know me. You love me.

(A) Okay, so the main thing here is that you have so much great humor, but it's sometimes being a little bit obscured by sentence structure. Mainly, there are a lot of run-on sentences that just need to be split up. But there are also a few that just need some punctuation adjustments.

(B) Also, I noticed a lot of this:
James had been roaring with laughter with Lily in the living room while their father had hidden quickly behind his Daily Prophet, “I promise that it won't be as bad as it seems.
--Once the dialogue begins, it should be in a separate sentence. Like,

*James had been roaring with laughter with Lily in the living room while their father had hidden quickly behind his Daily Prophet. "I promise that it won't be as bad as it seems."*

--There were a good many areas like that, where the dialogue should have stood on its own but was linked to the sentence before, which made it kind of hard to follow. That also accounts for a lot of those pesky run-ons.

(C) (He sometimes read his sister's diary to know what was considered “cool” with younger kids)
(Out of politeness he was sure)
(And the attention from ravenous boys)

--when you're writing something in parentheses, you don't usually need to capitalize the first word. It's not really a separate sentence so much as a side-note tacked onto the current one.

(D) Finally, I think the heart of this piece, as well as the lion's share of the humor, are found in Albus' conversations with his family. But it takes a long time to get to that. I think it would be good to cut some of Albus' musings on his friends' adventures and antics at the beginning. Definitely keep some of it! There are some funny bits, and we do require some exposition. But we can gather almost all we need to know about the Misfits' social situation from Albus' conversation with James. His initial musings on the subject go on, I think, a bit too long, which slows down the first part of the story. Once we've got dialogue and we're not only in Albus' head, things go at a really fun pace! It got so funny! But yeah, I think if you could jump into that place a little sooner, it'd be great.


I'm really enjoying seeing you take a go at a Next-Gen humor fic. Gabbie, you're hilarious. Albus in his robe! How could they be doing this to him! Didn't Harry and Ginny see what Ron went through 4th year? (There's a part of me that wonders if the robes are a giant practical joke engineered by George or Fred Jr.) What will Ron have to say about this? :)

Albus is certainly an amusing narrator. He has all that teen melodrama that can be such fun, and I think you've captured sibling relationships wonderfully. I really loved your take on Lily and James. Given that there can only be disaster to come, I am *definitely* curious about what these 3 are gonna get up to!

--Penny

Author's Response: Hey! >:)

I haven't forgotten about our swap! I've just been in kind of a slump lately (laptop died and then I got this wonky stomach virus) and I'm super great at being lazy.

My apologies!

I honestly didn't think that this would capture your attention, it's gotten a warm response but it's not that popular. Hahah. I could say that about all of my stories though but it's so nice to get reviews for this! ;__;

I really enjoy writing this story because it's not meant to be taken too seriously. I write a ton of angst so it's great just writing a story for once that doesn't rely on making you guys cry or anything. Even though that is really fun too. Hahaha.

I wasn't sure about the humor in this because I thought it might not make much sense. Albus is a lot like me, humor wise and I tend to be a little out there (I'm honestly a little more pervy than Albus is though) but you guys have been awesome!

The Misfits are like a curse and you'll see that gag being repeated a lot. I've actually written three other Next Gen stories so feel free to read those too! Hahah.

Albus is like, the most awkward kid in the world for some reason. I don't know why he turned out that way but I've written him like this in my first fan fic. He's just this sweet, goofy kid who can't catch a break and that just makes me laugh.

I put him through too much. Hahah.

I was actually surprised by how well you guys liked Ginny and the others! I've never written Ginny or Lily before this and I tweaked James slightly from how he's written in my other fan fic. He's twelve in that story but nothing really changes about him. Hahaha.

Albus might blackmail him about the hair thing and thank you for mentioning that he reads Lily's diary! Not too many people caught on to that. Hahah. That's another gag that I use in my other stories too, it's funny that he's dorky enough to read it for advise. Hahah.

He's so cute. :3

THE CC'S! PENNY< WHY?!

Honestly, though these make a lot of sense like they always do. Hahaha. I'm still not very happy with how this first chapter turned out so I will be going back and cleaning it up.

I just can't get certain parts to flow the way I want. I think it needs to be a bit shorter too, I tend to use way too much detail. The Misfits have such a deep and weird history that I wanted to expand on it but I should have pulled back a little because Scorp and Lav don't even show up until chapter two. Hmm.

Oh! The thing with Albus's robe is that it is a shameless homage to Ron's robe from GoF. It's my favorite HP book and the thought of this poor child sweating in that thing just...you don't know how much that makes me laugh.

Disaster will happen! I promise! The next two chapters could use a bit of your love and I'd totally appreciate it. Chapter three especially because I'm kinda worried about it.

Thanks for the awesome review! I'll be headed over to your AP soon!

Much love,

Gabbie



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Review #5, by Felpata Lupin A Mistake

19th April 2016:
Hello, dear Gabbie!
I'm finally here with your requested review! Sorry it took me so long, but life has been incredibly crazy recently...
Also, I'm reviewing chapter 3 because I had already read and reviewed chapter 2 (I was the ox and the donkey) Hope you don't mind.

So, here it goes...

Ahhh... poor Scorpius... he clearly cares so much for Lavender... and everything he's been through...

Speaking of which... I knew Louis the Prefect was up to something! I knew it!!! (This sort of ruined the suspance for your other story... but I still want you to write on!!!) McNair, eh? And involved in some crazy satanic group... everyting about this seem so scary...

I feel like Albus and Lavender were a bit too hard on him... he was insensitive, that's true... but he has his motives, and he would really act differently with her, right? Then, again, his jealousy outburst with Albus was completely irrational... Well... they are teenagers, after all, right?

This chapter only made me want more of APatDLP! When are you going to post a new chapter there? And I'm also very curious about how this wedding will worsen... Because, like you said, they're Misfits till the bloody, gruesome end... So disaster is bound to happen, right?

Oh, and I also wanted to tell you that I still love the way Albus' mind works. His thoughts about James buying him a wedding gown were just so hilarious!!!

And obviously, I loved the friendship! They might've grown up, they might fight a lot, but you just know they'll always be there for each other and that's so wonderful!!!

Great job as always, dear! And once again sorry for the lateness!

Love and hugs,
Chiara

Author's Response: Hello!

Thank you so much for stopping by and leaving me this awesome review. I had a feeling that you were the ox and donkey! :D

Scorp really does care about Lavender, I think that it's very hard for him to describe. He's kept it a secret for so long and even though Albus knew that he liked her, he didn't know how much.

Louis the Prefect is the one you need to be on the lookout for! Hahaha. This does kind of ruin things for the Dark Lord's Prince but I had to explain Scorp's scar and a few other things. I know a lot of people don't read that story so I didn't think it would hurt. The experience was really scary for the kids though but I imagine that it would be. :(

I feel like Albus and Lavender might have been too hard on him as well. I feel like Scorp is the sort to do what he wants first without considering how other people feel. He's done this sort of thing before and I think everyone was emotionally strained by this point.

Scorp has always been a little jealous of Albus and because Lavender had a crush on him so long ago, he just assumed what he wanted. Hahaha.

I will try to start working on the Dark Lord's Prince again soon! I have the next chapter fleshed out in my head but I just need to write it down. We're heading towards the end! :D

Oh, bad things will happen to the Misfits in this story. Hahaha. Not awful things but just, mostly weird and silly things since this is a comedy.

Albus's mind is a lot like mine, he exaggerates things a lot and it's kind of a scary place. Hahahaha.

I think the boys have a really great friendship, they're close but they still argue and love each other anyway. :D

Thanks again and no worries!

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #6, by victoria_anne A Secret

11th March 2016:
Hey Gabby!

Oh why do you tease me so? So much more drama than I anticipated and the wedding hasn't even started yet!!

The first few words already had me cracking up! A sea of red?! That's hilarious. I love the Weasleys.

I'm with Albus on that one, I'd rather have the dragons. MAKE THAT HAPPEN.

I'm a little bit in love with Scorpius. I mean, is there really a difference between the smell of death and old lady perfume? And ooohhh what happened between him and Lavender?!

I love the way you write the bickering between Albus and James *bows down to the bicker queen* it is hilarious.

I'm sorry I can't write a longer review, I'm a bit pressed for time, but I'm not finished with your author page just yet!

Xx

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks so much for stopping by and stuff! I really enjoy your reviews. :D

Ridiculous things will continue to happen way before the wedding actually starts. Hahah. I don't know why I set it up that way but it's so fun to write.

You know, I wouldn't be surprised if dragons didn't show up. Hahaha.

I love Scorp! He's a great character to write for and he's a lot more blunt than Albus. I modeled him loosely off of Ron Weasley and Scorp's older brother, Benjamin. You will find out what happened with Lavender next chapter!

I figure that Albus and James fight a lot, judging from the Deathly Hallows epilogue. I think it's all in good, brotherly love though.

Thanks for stopping by!

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #7, by victoria_anne A Wedding

8th March 2016:
Why hello there Gabby!

I was way too spoilt for choice on your author page - why would you do that to me?! It was like being in the lolly aisle at the supermarket!
So I went for the one with the colourful wrapper... I mean banner.

And I love an Albus story :D

Especially an Albus with so much bad luck! The poor kiddo! I have a feeling his time at the wedding is going to get very interesting...

He is so cute though, and his attitude toward lace?! James is hilarious also.

The way you write allows me to have such a clear picture in my head. A Weasley wedding.. *shudders* you make it all too easy to imagine the chaos!

"Horde of house-elves", man that is the stuff of nightmares. Speaking of house-elves, DOBBY THE OWL! That is so sweet! And old Kreacher still kickin' too!

Ooh I love that. The Misfit Oddities. That is much more interesting than The Golden Trio.

Oh my Merlin, Scorpius as a girl?? That is amazing! I was cracking up at that bit! I bet he made a very pretty lady *snigger* *hair toss* *snaps fingers*

Great first chapter, you've managed to set everyone's characters up nicely and I can't wait to see the Misfits altogether!

Anyone else craving lollies?

- B

Author's Response: Hello!

It's always great getting your reviews and this one was so nice! :D Thanks for liking the colorful wrapping paper for this! Hahaha.

I seriously love Albus and the fact that he has so much bad luck just makes me love him all the more. Hahaha. Things do not go as planned at the wedding but I was hinting at the horror of that from the beginning.

Albus is adorable, I would probably be best friends with him if he were real. Hahaha. He reminds me of myself when I was that age but I actually like lace.

James is what I think my older brother would be like if I had one. Hahahaha.

Yes! Dobby the owl! Kreacher is still alive as well but I'm not sure if that would be true.

Misfit Oddities indeed! :D

Scorp as a girl is something that no one talks about anymore but he was very cut. Hahaha. He was actually very popular among the guys for a while before he changed back. Hahahahaha.

Thanks a ton!

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #8, by NPE A Secret

29th December 2015:
Hi there, NPE here, decided to give some of your other work a go, as I enjoyed your realisation of Fred and George in one of your other stories. I also really enjoyed the review swap.

This is long, but then again, I like long chapters. The dialogue hre is really on point and I love how you play around with the reader's expectations the whole time.

Across both chapters this is great.

At times, I think you drift into cliched phrase and there are a couple of typos, but both are understandable issues when you write chapters like this.

All in all, pretty great though.

Best,

Nick

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks for stopping by, Nick! I'm sorry that this took forever to get a response!

Most of my chapters are pretty chunky, it's a bad habit of mine but there are so many characters in this that I have to add a ton of exposition and such. Dialogue is something that I struggle with most of the time but I'm glad it worked out, it gave me some trouble.

I shall look into those CC's, thanks for pointing them out! :D

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #9, by scintillated A Wedding

14th December 2015:
Oh my gosh this is so late I'm so sorry! This chapter was really cute though, I really liked it.

The humorous tone in the beginning really sets the stage for the rest of the scene, and honestly, your sense of humor (and Albus' of course ;) ) is hilarious! I couldn't help but laughing during the piece. Poor Albus, having to wear those ugly dress robes! Serves him right for reading his sister's diary ;)

Wow, Albus, Scorpius, and Lavender certainly got into a lot of trouble! Releasing house-elves, almost getting a teacher sacked, swimming with mermaids, discovering people who wanted to take over the world... what kind of hijinks won't they get into? The 'Misfit Oddities' certainly do seem like an appropriate name for them. And ooh, Scorpius is in Gryffindor! I haven't seen that often.

I really like this metaphor: " James' deep voice had the force of a rogue Bludger..." It just seems like such a wizarding analogy, and I just really like it!

Aw, poor Albus! He really isn't that all girl-savvy, is he? And he really feels that way- my heart breaks for him :( Why do you make me so sad, Gabbie, WHY?
And haha, Scorpius being a girl for a bit was such a nice touch, it made me laugh a lot!

Oh gosh, Lavender used to like Albus! Honestly, the best-friend turned couple trope is one of my favorites, and i realy hope it comes true here, I think that Lavender and Albus would be so cute together!! (Yes, I'm already squealing internally). But what's this? Scorpius likes Lavender? Oh no, you didn't! (You did) Wow, things just got a bunch more dramatic, I can't wait to see James' Cupid skills in action.

Overall, this chapter was really funny! I really liked all of your humor and tiny details, and this chapter, overall, was a great read. I'll be sure to review the next chapter as soon as I get time!

-rikki ☼
(ps. i think i sing like lily too!)

Author's Response: Hello!

Thank you for stopping by and no worries about the lateness!

My sense of humor is pretty much exactly like Albus's so I'm glad that you liked it! This first chapter just sets up the hilarity to follow and it's okay to laugh at him. Hahaha.

I like how no one else caught that bit about him reading Lily's diary though. Hahahha. The ugly dress robes is taken from the Goblet of Fire.

Albus, Scorp and Lavender have gotten into a lot of trouble. Hahah. I think that they're just drawn to horrible things and have absolutely no way of getting out of it. Misfit Oddities will stay with them forever.

I couldn't picture Scorp in Slytherin for some reason and wanted to keep him with Albus, so I put him in Gryffindor. :D

Lavender used to like Albus! Yes! I love the friend turned couple thing too but this doesn't quite go the way you might think. Scorp really loves Lavender so it's going to cause some tension, especially if James gets in the way.

Thanks so much!

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #10, by ReeBee A Secret

9th December 2015:
Hello there Gabbie! Here for our review swap!

I hope you don't mind that I read through chapter one and onto 2? 2 had a little less love than chapter one and the story was super interesting!!!

ALSO. YOUR COMMENT ABOUT DIVERSITY IM SO GLAD YOU INCLUDED LAVENDER??? LIKE YES. and of course she would be named Lavender like thats a super nice touch which is really cute and makes me sad but still adorable. And your characterisation is so interesting!! Like its so nice to see different and well, refreshing (?) characterisations of characters! Like Albus is a trouble maker and thats awesome, though a little different to normal!! AND JAMES. I think this is the first story that me as a die hard James Potter II fan, has felt slightly annoyed, or should I say miffed at him? And as much as I'm like ooh well thats different I sort of love you for doing that because all your characterisations are different to the norm with is awesome to see because these are Next Gen characters and its nice to see you interpreting it in different ways!

And omg Ginny sounded so much like Mrs Weasley I sort of squeed a lot and died a little inside!!

AND LAV AND SCORPIUS WHATS UP WITH THAT?? HE ASKED HER OUT DIDNT HE??? OMG. and albus kind of likes her too? I kind of want to see their usual relationship but i think u mentioned that this was sort of a companion piece to another work of yours??

Anyway this was super fun to read and I'm so interested so please update soon?

Thank you for the swap!! It is pretty sad that we haven't talked before!! Must swap again soon? And sorry this is late!

-Curie xx

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks for the swap!

No trouble with reading through to chapter two and it's great to see more people reviewing it! :D

Diversity is so important and I just couldn't make Lavender a main character. Haha. In my universe, Lavender Brown is actually still alive so it's honestly just a cute little thing that Parvati did for her friend. Hahaha.

I tried to make Lavender and the rest of my characters interesting and different. I mean, they're all kind of weird. Hahaha. Albus is a Misfit and trouble follows him all the time but that's just his fate.

James is what I think my older brother would be like if I had one but it's good to see that he annoys you. He was supposed to. Hahahaha.

Hahah. Ginny is a lot like her mother!

Scorp did ask Lavender out but it didn't work out the way he wanted! Albus likes Lavender in the same way he would a goddess or an angel, he talks about it later on in this story. Hahah.

This story comes from my first fanfic: Albus Potter and the Dark Lord's Prince. :)

Thanks for the review and the third chapter is up!

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #11, by The ox and the donkey A Secret

6th December 2015:
Hello, Gabbie.
It is us, the ox and the donkey, come to keep you warm in this December frost.
And for Advent calendar day 6, we'd decided to check this lovely story you have here.

Poor Albus, how embarassing it must be to wear those robes... And James continuously teasing him... Siblings can be annoying...

It seems quite a crowded party, but with the Weasley family it has to be expected. We're not very used to such packed gatherings, usually here in this crib in Bethleem it's just the two of us... It sounds like something a bit overwhelming...

It was interesting to see the family dynamics. Harry and Ginny were really funny to read. And we really loved poor Scorpius' embarassment when faced with the whole Potter family.

What is it with the scar? What happened to the poor kid? And what it is about sacrifices and dark magic and stuff? We really don't like the sound of it all.

It feels like both Albus and Scorpius harbour feelings that go a bit deeper than friendship for Lavender. Or are we mistaken? It's quite sad that she has to leave, the three seem very close. We know we would be very sad if we were separated.

We're sorry, but we really have to go now, a lot of other people need our warmth around here. It was a pleasure to stop by here an read this funny piece.

Happy holidays.
The ox and the donkey.

Author's Response: Hello!

Ox and Donkey, thank you a ton for this wonderful review! ;)

Poor Albus indeed! I was honestly just playing off of what happened to Ron in Goblet of Fire with his character here. I tried to make a few parallels with the original HP and this story, which is always fun. Hahaha.

Siblings ARE annoying!

I'm sorry that it's so crowded for you guys but don't worry, you'll be okay! There are a ton of people at this wedding who aren't really Weasley's. Hahah.

I have never really written Harry/Ginny as a couple before so I'm happy that it worked out because I was worried! Scorpious is kind of a shy kid and he doesn't like crowds but you'd think he'd be used to the Weasley's by now.

I can't give away what happened to Scorpious but I do explain it in chapter three. :D It is very scary stuff, dealing with almost being sacrificed but I'll protect you!

I think Albus most likely thinks of Lavender as some sort of goddess. Hahah. He loves her like he would a sister but there is a little more there that he probably never acknowledged.

Scorpious DOES have obvious feelings for her though! Lavender may not leave, she will try her best to stay close to them.

Aww, I'm sorry you guys have to go but thanks so much for stopping by!

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #12, by adluvshp A Secret

30th November 2015:
Hey Gabbie! Here for review #2 of our swap.

So, I really enjoyed reading this! I read both chapters one after another 'cause I couldn't stop after chapter 1.

Your characterisation of Albus is lovely. He's so adorable! All the jitters about the wedding are perfectly described. I also really enjoyed the banter he shared with James, and Scorpius etc. Speaking of, your dialogue is really good. It flows naturally and is very fresh. My only bit of CC there is to probably balance it out with descriptions a little more so that it flows within the narrative better, if you know what I mean =) Try to make it "read better". Otherwise, it's really good!

Besides that, I had a fun time reading both the chapters of this story. I don't know what all to comment on - honestly the whole of it made me smile. I enjoy the Harry/Ginny dynamic you have going on, the inclusion of Lucius Malfoy in the conversation was nicely done, the backstory was solid, and particularly loved Scorpius. Oh and Lavender is just brilliant too.

The plot concept itself is an entertaining one and makes good for a light-hearted fic. Sometimes, you just need this kind of fun writing in your life and I had a lovely time reading it! Great job =)

Love,
Angie
(Lost Muse)

Author's Response: HEllO!

Thanks for stopping by and I'm sorry about the lateness!

Albus is like the cutest person ever, I really love writing him. He's got this really great goofiness about him that's just hard to resist.

I honestly loved writing his arguments with James and the thoughts about his friends. I am never really good at dialogue but I'm glad that it worked out. I still need to go back and tweak this chapter because there are a lot of things that I didn't quite like but thanks for pointing stuff out to me!

Harry/Ginny are fun to write and I'm surprised people like them. I had never written the pair before so I was really worried. Hahaha. The backstory is hard to balance in this story but I loved writing it, it helps when Albus isn't alone too. Scorpious and Lavender's inclusion in the narrative really makes it easier.

Yeah, this isn't meant to be taken very seriously so I'm happy that it made you smile! :D

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #13, by TidalDragon A Secret

26th November 2015:
Things got awkward fast there didn't they? But what would a story with this summary be without the angst that I'm sure will follow?

As expected, I got more development albeit in tidbits, of Lily (II). Seems she's just sweet and innocent after all. And every inch of the daddy's little girl archetype (at least for now). It's an interesting choice to see her fit that mold I'll confess, her being Ginny's daughter, but I don't mind it.

Speaking of Ginny, I do like the way you write the Harry/Ginny dynamic. She's definitely take-charge while he's completely laid-back, which is true to canon, but I liked the way you used the backdrop of the wedding and associated stress to bring that to the fore better than beating us over the head with it because I do imagine that while it would be the case consistently, they're ultimately an equitable, balanced pair.

The tidbit of CC I'd offer here is something I wasn't sure of in Chapter 1, but noticed more of again, so now I'll mention. There are a few words in both chapters that you get a bit repetitive with. Last time I know drawled was one of them in dialogue tags, here I picked out snapped as an example. While it's nice you're trying to make the dialogue tags appropriately descriptive, I'd recommend relying more on your (very apt) descriptions of facial expressions and body language and, particularly in the more ping-pong exchanges, considering dropping the tags altogether given that we know who's speaking and can get the mood from preceding paragraphs and context.

Thanks for sharing, as always, and sorry again for being so late. :(

Author's Response: HELLO!

Thanks so much for the review and I'm super happy that you decided to check this second chapter out too. This story is pretty fresh and the reception has been lukewarm but that's okay, I totally needed to get a different perspective on this chapter in particular.

I wasn't too keen on it because I noticed after reading it (Three days after it was posted of course) that there were way too many little things that bugged me. I tend to repeat the same words a lot and it was pretty obvious in this chapter and so I'll be going through and cleaning that up for sure. It's such a pain that I'm so lazy...

I think that Lily would be a pretty sweet girl in my universe. I describe her in another story as being kind of "loopy", which was my little nod to Luna Lovegood. I honestly based her and Lavender Patil off of Luna because I adore her but I'm glad that Lily seems like her own. I didn't want her to be TOO similar to Ginny or Harry, I think she plays Quidditch at the moment but not because she actually wants to but I haven't mentioned that yet.

Ugh, I am so relieved that you liked Harry and Ginny. I was really worried about them because I've never written them together and have no idea how to pull them off. I was guessing and pulling strings with these two but I always wanted to make it clear that neither of them are perfect parents. Stress in relationships is a realistic thing to include and from what I mentioned in the previous chapter, Ginny was already kind of on edge. Harry on the other hand is more laid back than she is but he did make a little jibe about her worrying too much about what Fleur and the others thought.

I'm SO happy that their relationship seemed balanced out though. I really get scared of writing these characters, no one else has noticed that I haven't dared included Ron or Hermione yet. That is totally on purpose.

Hahaha.

Yeah, like I said above...I tend to use the same words over and over again. It's one of my biggest flaws as a writer, I'll go through and fix all that junk.

The angst is coming but this is more of a comedy, I think than my usual "doom" stories and I really do hope you found it at least a little funny. ;__;

Thanks a bunch!

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #14, by TidalDragon A Wedding

26th November 2015:
Well look who's finally turned up...it's me, your delinquent reviewer! Anyway, I'm determined to get to both chapters tonight since I owe you penance for my extreme delay.

I will say that on the whole, I like the build-up and background in this chapter. The characterization is, as ever, one of your strongest suits and here I think it was assisted by your judicious use of flashbacks and references to past events. If there's one character I don't think got enough play, it's perhaps Lily (II), as it's not entirely clear from this piece what her deal is. Is she aloof, kind, does that change with the wind? Or is the distance just because of their ages and the fact that she's a girl and he's a guy and they're siblings? Maybe it's coming in future chapters though.

The biggest thing I'd look at on edits though is rather minor, but nonetheless distracting. Here where you pepper dialogue into Albus's inner thoughts, you repeatedly seem to attach the dialogue to the wrong line, separating it from the tag because of bad punctuation. Look at the "doomed" dialogue at the top to see examples of what I mean and you'll find reading on that it continues in that fashion in other places throughout.

Now I am on to the next chapter to see what disaster DOES unfold!

Author's Response: HELLO!

Well, well, well. I was beginning to think that you weren't going to show up! *Gives you the disappointed Mum look* I'm happy to see you finally and just for you, Transparent is back up with a fresh chapter so you had better believe that I'm requesting your wisdom!

On to this!

I was pretty worried about characterization in this story because I've only ever written Albus as eleven years old. He's not that mature, mind you but I was really comfortable with his mindset and when it comes to Lily II, I've never written her before. I have no idea really what she's about in this first chapter but I think she turned out to be a good mixture of her mother and Luna Lovegood in the second.

I was told that the flashbacks were too much and looking on a few of them, I probably should have edited it more. There are a lot of mistakes in this first chapter too that I haven't cleaned up, I'll have to go in and fix them eventually. I've just started writing again so I'm pretty rusty! Nyooo.

Thanks so much!

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #15, by princesslily_36 A Secret

16th November 2015:
Here for the second chapter Gabbie :D

So.. What did he ask her??? I'm hopping with curiosity! You have to update!!

Poor Albus and his dress robes. You know, I had to go through something similar for my aunt's wedding, and I'm amazed at how so accurately you've capture those emotions. I could totally relate to it.

We see more of Scorpius in this chapter, and it's clear he has issues with his family. I mean who wouldn't if you belonged to the Malfoy clan.

Is it just me or do Albus, Scorpius and Lavender remind anyone of Harry Ron and Hermione :D.

Lily is so sweet, she's like a mix of Ginny and Luna I guess. It was fun to see Albus taking on the older brother role this time, and a sharp contrast to James. I love how you have brought out their individuality. Again, the dialogues are really natural and I love the sibling banter. Also, is Lily harbouring a little crush on Scorpius, or did I totally misread that one?

I still love James Potter II (I seem to have a thing for mischevious arrogant pranksters).

'his father stepped in with a stern expression that he only saw on very rare occasions. ' - I quite liked this image of Harry. He's seen smiling and joking, but also a responsible father

Percy's wife being a stripper was a fun insight into your headcanon of Percy. I guess noone ever pictured Percy with anyone other than a female version of himself. But I'm warming up to this Percy. :D. I was surprised to see Malfoy remarried to Pansy Parkinson.To be honest, I always felt they should have ended up together.

In short this chapter had everything - Humor, emotion, drama and romance. I can't wait to read more. Please request once more when the next chapter is up.

Love,
Ysh

Author's Response: HELLO!

Thanks for stopping by again, Ysh! I can't reveal what Scorpius asked Lavender yet until the next chapter and even then, I won't say exactly what happened.

I am SO sorry that you had to go through something similar! I can only imagine how embarrassing this was. Hahahaha.

Scorpius has a lot of issues with his family and most of it stems from the past.

Scorpius, Lavender and Albus are supposed to remind you of Harry and his friends. It's just another parallel that I couldn't resist adding.

Lily is adorable! I love writing her and what's funny is that Albus picks on her in the same way that James picks on him. Hahahaha. I thought that I didn't give enough of their personalities in this chapter but I'm happy that it worked out.

Lily totally has a crush on Scorpius! I'll talk about that more later though. Hahahah.

James will only get worse as you go along.

Hahaha.

I think that Harry is a pretty responsible father, he wouldn't really scold the kids often but you know that when it happens, you had better behave.

Percy's wife being a stripper is totally my headcanon for some reason. You learn more about her though in "This is Audrey Tang: The Bad Taste" if you were curious. Percy isn't really strictly canon in my universe so I'm happy ou like him!

Draco and Pansy are divorced though, he ended up marrying someone else. I like them as a couple but they just didn't work out in my universe because I'm evil. Hahahahha.

Thanks again!

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #16, by princesslily_36 A Wedding

16th November 2015:
Gabbie!

I'm here with your requested review. I know this took a while to get to, but this review is a little bit special, because it's my 100th review :D :D

So, you told me that I needn't get to both chapters, but I really want to. I know how getting feedback on multichapter fics can be a little bit of a challenge.

Aww, poor Albus hating his dress robes. Totally reminded me of Ron during the Yule Ball. Firstly, I'm so glad you sorted Albus into Gryffindor. I just can't picture him in Slytherin. I know loads of people root for this, but I always want him in Gryffindor.

I loved the part you described James Potter II through Albus' eyes. At that part I felt like I was reading Harry all over again. James Potter II seems as big a bully as James Potter Sr. Poor Albus. But he does seem to be standing up for himself. I really enjoyed the exchange between them. It was so natural anf flowed very well. You brought out the dynamics amazingly - their closeness as well as James being the typical older sibling with his condescention and I-know-more-than-you types and Albus the typical insecure-younger-sibling.

Scorpia! This one is HILARIOUS! Seriously Gabby, I'm amazed at your ability to come up with tricks and funny mishaps!

This chapter was really enjoyable. I liked the picture of Harry being so light hearted and somewhat like how his dad might have been, because we see so less of that in the books, what with him being busy saving the world and all. Your Albus seems spot on!

I'm intrigued, so over to the next chapter now.

Love,
Ysh

Author's Response: HELLO!

Thanks so much for dropping by with these reviews and so sorry for just NOW replying! I'm happy that this is your 100th review! Yay!

The entire gag about Albus and his dress robes totally comes from Ron and his experience during the Yule Ball. Hahaha. I make a lot of parallels with this story and the original because it's so fun. Oh, I couldn't have put Albus in Slytherin at all. I can't picture him enjoying it much and with the way he is, he'd be miserable.

I love James! Albus of course has a bad habit of exaggerating a little but his brother is kind of a bully. They fight but they have some lovely exchanges between them that I hoped were realistic. I don't have an older brother but I hoped that it came off as authentic. :D

Scorpia! Hahahaha. It takes me forever to come up with these pranks and mishaps though, I have no idea where that one even came from to be honest.

I don't think Harry would be a very strict parent but he would be a lot of fun, I imagine with all of these kids. Hahaha. I was so nervous about writing Albus at this age because in my current story with him, he's still only eleven. I'm SO happy that he turned out okay!

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #17, by apondinabluebox A Wedding

19th September 2015:
Gabbie!! :hug: I'm so so so sorry for the lateness of this review but real life has been completely horrible recently, and I've found writing has been therapeutic, so I've been doing a lot of writing and very little reviewing (because that requires thinking and I haven't been particularly fond of that activity recently) but I am here now and I truly apologise. ♥

I absolutely love this chapter! Albus' scene with the whole hating his lace dress robes reminds me of the scene with Ron in GoF, but you've added a lot more dimension to Albus' feelings than JKR did to Ron's. I especially enjoyed the way you wrote about weddings turning Grandma Molly into an inhuman beast, haha!

You've done something brilliant with this chapter by connecting it to the books using the scene with the dress robes, mentioning that Albus' hair is just as untameable as Harry's, all those names like Lavender Patil, Zabini, Dobby, Phlegm... It's done really well and allows the reader to connect to Albus and everyone else more closely than they otherwise would have.

Awww, poor Louis throwing up at the last wedding!! Especially as everyone still talks/jokes about it!

I love the conversations between James and Albus, and Albus and Lily, because it shows so much of all their personalities. When is chapter two being posted? I want to meet Scorpius and Lavender!!

The only crit I have really is that Scorpius' name only has the one O and not two.

I can't wait for the wedding!! AHHH I'm so excited to read what happens next!! ^.^



Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks for stopping by and don't worry about being late! I totally understand that real life can be challenging and focusing on yourself should always come first. As someone who is going through a bit of a dry spell with my writing, I can totally understand why you needed to get back into swing of things. :D

I honestly didn't think that you were going to pick this story to review. It's fairly new and ties along to my story, "Albus Potter and the Dark Lord's Prince", which was my first fan fic. :D

I've had a lot of people reading "This is Audrey Tang" and "Transparent"lately that I've nearly forgotten about this! It's so nice to have a fresh perspective though! I actually did reference a lot of things from the original HP universe because I don't feel like there's a way that you CAN't. I like having my universe tie in to what's already been done, but adding my own little twists along the way.

I think that Albus and Ron are going to have a lot in common by the time this story is over. Hahah. I'm not sure why I picked Albus to have the ugly dress robes but I couldn't quite picture my Scorpious (I'll get to why there's an "O" in his name in a minute) wearing them without having a hissy fit. Hahaha.

I imagine that Molly loves wedding and bossing people around. I'm sure that it's pretty scary! Hahaha.

:D I'm glad that you liked all of the connections that were made in the story. I actually have most of my stories being interlinked, so you'll probably notice familiar themes and characters popping up in this story. What makes it so fun though is because this is obviously set in the future, so some of these events haven't even happened in the actual stories yet! :D

Poor Louis, indeed. Hahaha.

I tried to make all of the siblings different and because I've written Albus and James before, they weren't really that hard to grasp. Lily on the otherhand was a character that hasn't even been introduced in my universe yet (I think she's still ten or something) so I had some trouble with how I wanted to have her portrayed but she turned out okay, :D

I have no idea when chapter two is going to be up but I might start working on it tonight! :D I didn't think people would really like this story that much but you guys have been great! :D

Before I forget: Scorpious's name has that annoying O in it because when I was originally writing "Albus Potter and the Dark Lord's Prince," I couldn't spell his name correctly for some reason and it just kind of stuck. He feels more like my own with that O in his name. :D

I hope to see you again!

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #18, by LivingFairytale A Wedding

25th August 2015:
Hi! It's LivingFairytale from the forum with your requested review. Over 6.000 words, wow that's an impressive long chapter, so let's get started! :D

First impression:
A wedding, I love weddings! Unfortunately, Albus does not, lol. Personally, I would have split this chapter into two, since it can quickly become tedious and you might scare some readers away because of it. I don't think the chapter was boring at all, but a little long for my taste. The first part really made me laugh though, especially the part where Albus describes that his Grandma Molly turns into an inhuman beast during these kind of events. I feel so sorry for him!

Characterization:
I always find it hard to judge about characterization when it comes to the next-gen generation. We know so little about them (unfortunately). But the character's seem all well developed to me. It was also great to read about the friendship between the 3.

Flow/Pace/Plot:
One of the things that attracts me to this chapter, is your ability to describe things in the most funny, detailed way. The positive thing about adding a lot of details, is that you really suck the reader into the story. And that's exactly what you did here.

Overall:
I think it is a great start of an amazing story. Even though I'm not a big fan of next-generation stories, I definitely enjoyed reading yours. I can't wait to read what is about to happen next. (I'm ready for the disaster!) Please do feel free to re-request as soon as you have another chapter update. Keep up the great work!!

x LivingFairytale

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks for the great review and I'm sorry that it took so long for me to get back to you. Real life got in the way and it was a major pain.

What's strange about this is that I've never been to a wedding before but I personally don't think that I would enjoy going. Hahaha. I couldn't help but think that Albus would hate the entire thing though, especially with the way Nana Molly is. I don't really write short chapters and I don't think you can really get all the information you need in by making things so compressed. That's just me though.

It's a little frustrating that we don't know much about the NG kids. I think it's fun to write though and I have written Albus and the rest before (Well, except for Lily, Ginny and Harry) so I had a pretty good idea of what their personalities were like.

Thanks for liking all the details, I've never written a comedy before so I was trying to find the right balance. I'm glad that it turned out okay! :D

Thanks for stopping by!

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #19, by EnigmaticEyes16 A Wedding

30th July 2015:
Hi, here for our swap!

Well, this was a very interesting start to a story. I'm very curious of the impending disaster that is about to happen.

I love the turmoil over the dress robes Albus is forced to wear. It reminds me so much of Ron having to wear his great uncle's (or whoever's) old maroon and lacy robes. And I loved Ginny's reaction to them, too, even though she's the one making him wear them. It seems kind of silly when they probably could have afforded new robes for him.

And all the banter and arguing between James and Albus was very hilarious and very brotherly-like, in my opinion. I loved all the cracks about Albus and Scorpius being a couple, and how James was the one to start the rumor in the first place, that was just perfect really.

And his talk with Lily was sweet. She was nice and optimistic, but also honest about how horrible Albus looked.

I'm very curious to meet Lavender and Scorpius. I wonder why they always end up in so much trouble all the time, even trouble they didn't cause. That particular part reminds me of Harry, Ron, and Hermione a bit, how they often got caught in the wrong place at the wrong time, like during CoS and HBP.

This Sue character also seems like a trip and I can't wait to meet her either. I wonder if there's any chance James' assumptions about her being in love with Albus are true. And if Albus will ever find a girlfriend in this story. And will Lavender and Scorpius ever become a thing?

And I adored Dobby! I wonder why Albus named his owl that? It's an interesting choice since Harry cared a lot about Dobby, and Dobby was always trying to save Harry. But I loved how the owl was just hooting through most of the conversations happening and how Albus would talk to him and he would hoot back with more meaningful hoots. That was very cute.

I really liked this chapter and I'm very curious to see just where this story is going. Great first chapter!

xxNix

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks for stopping by and all that jazz, I'm sorry that I'm just now replying to this awesome review!

I actually pulled the entire thing about the dress robes from Ron's experience in the fourth book. I couldn't help myself, I'd always wanted to write it and poor Albus indeed.

Albus and James are pretty easy to write because their personalities are so different. James is way more outgoing than his younger brother but he's also a bit obnoxious so to Albus, that's immediately annoying. Weirdly enough though, Scorpius is pretty much exactly like James when it comes to his blabber mouth so that's an interesting detail, I think. Hahahah.

Lily is a breath of fresh air. Haha.

The fact that the Misfits end up in trouble all the time is still a mystery to me. I don't know what it is about them but they just reek of disaster...it's honestly one of my favorite things about writing for them.

Sue is a monster but I can't say whether or not she's in love with Albus or not just yet. ;) Lavender and Scorpius will have to remain a secret as well.

Albus named his owl Dobby because he probably heard stories about the house-elf from Harry. I think it was just a sweet way of honoring him though. For some reason, I honestly think that Dobby can talk but then again, Albus is a litlte odd so that might just be how I've written it.

Hahaha.

Thanks for the review!

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #20, by Pixileanin A Wedding

29th July 2015:
Okay okay, I'm all excited about this wedding, but there's only one chapter>??? WHERE IS IT!!??

No, seriously, I need this next bit. I need to know. You did such an excellent job of building everything up, and then... AHHH!!

Anyway, maybe some coherent comments might be nice. Albus all mopey and depressed, the poor guy, it's like his life runs before his eyes as he stares at himself in the mirror. He's so reflective... ahhahaha, I didn't do that on purpose, I swear.

"Albus grimaced inwardly as he stared at his reflection, the robes had once been a very dashing blue but were now a rather pitiful shade of grey that reminded him of tears, “I'll be the one crying tonight for sure,” he muttered miserably."

Wonderful turn of the phrase here, to add life to the description! Ahh, and the hair is rebelling against him as well. Poor, poor Albus! The swearing at Merlin had me laughing out loud!

Aww, Albus and his friends wreaking havoc at Hogwarts just like back in the day. That warms my heart that he had a trio of his own and they ran around doing things that they rather shouldn’t. To make matters worse, the good they caused was overshadowed by the tricks they pulled. Perfection!

I love the names you’ve chosen from the past to represent the future, Lavender, Dobby the owl, and Zabini the Potions Master are all great send-ups to the original story, and letting Albus have this deep friendship reminds me so much of the original trio.

“but if you're so set on not dating Lavvy and giving me that delicious little body then why not just try dating Rose's friend? You know the one...that mean looking Ravenclaw girl that's always glowering at you.”

Ack, James! So cruel! I actually spluttered at that line. He’s just pushing all of Albus’ buttons right now. Now you’re making me anxious about the actual event, since they’re talking like Scorpius might destroy them. This is quite suspenseful writing, leading up to the main event. I might be biting my nails in anticipation. So now with all that build up I HAVE to read about the wedding. You can’t just end it there… my god I need it ALL!!

So, umm... I hope you weren't expecting anything, you know, constructive or anything because I can't find anything to comment on. Everything felt fresh and new, and it flowed really well. The details were fabulous. I got a clear sense for all the players involved, and now I want the disaster! Like, now.

BAM.

Pix

Author's Response: Hello again!

Thanks a bunch for leaving this awesome review for this story. It's still pretty fresh so I like getting new opinions on it before I post more chapters.

I honestly don't know why I have't started on the second chapter. The response has been great from you guys! Albus has a great imagination. I think that if you stopped by "Albus Potter and the Dark Lord's Prince" you'll see that it's kind of weird. Hahahaha.

I think that my Misfits may have been worse than the Trio. They've almost gotten Hogwarts closed for good, I think and the fact that no one remember the good they did just makes it all the more ironic. Ha.

I try to include things from the past as often as I can but with a little twist. I think that it's fun to pay homage to the HP books, which inspired me in so many ways. Albus has a really deep bond with his friends and the fact that he has been with them for so long just makes me all fuzzy inside.

James is hilarious. I think that he likes picking on Albus because he knows that his brother won't really fight him back. I think it's an older brother thing, they like doing stuff like that all the time and it's so annoying. (It would be if I had one, anyway.)

The actual wedding I think will start in the second chapter if I get to it! It's going to be a wild ride, for sure! :D

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #21, by DaaOne A Wedding

25th July 2015:
Hello again Gabbie.. I actually wrote a very long long long review about this chapter! But it didn't get posted.. Man that sucks.. I guess I'll just have to re-write it again..

So, I feel like I'm repeating myself here but that's fine haha

First of all, I found the chapter to be long for my taste. I like chapters more of around 4000 words actually and that's because I don't like to read from a screen. So for me the chapter was well paced but too long. Considering that I am not a fan of e-books and reading from a screen, you should probably get a second opinion about the length of your chapter.

Onto the good stuff :D

You have such a great description going on here. You described so many details I could picture James and Albus discussing things, Ginny yelling from down stairs, Lily in her golden dress ever so beautiful and even Harry -older than in the books- laughing in the living room.

Your characterization is good. You have balanced characters that much the situation you wanted them to be put in: an awkward Albus being a huge misfit in Hogwarts, the prankstar James and golden wise teenager Lily.. I could even see the trio's adventures and I really like what you have going on here.

I like the idea of the Trio: It's become somewhat of a cliché to have Albus and Scorpius being the bestest of friends but adding a lady in the picture is just a good touch. Lavander Patil seems to be a good addition to the story (so sweet of her mum to name her after her besty ! RIP Lav !)

Overall, I guess we can actually expect disaster in the wedding with Teddy and Fred actually hating the groom, Albus wearing something that's not even remotely close to a dress robe and James' blabber mouth.. Haha I can even imagine a scene in slow motion where there is cake being thrown in the air, someone's pulling someone else's hair, high heels in the air, feathers and flowers and white curtains being shred to pieces with a fast violin tempo music as a background. But that's just me with my wedding phobia haha

Gash, I just ended up babbling in my review.. Well let's just hope this one actually gets posted.. Fingers crossed!

Hugs Gabbie

DaaOne

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks so much for stopping by! It means a lot to me. :D

I really love writing James and Albus, I don't have an older brother so I had a lot of fun with their arguments. I tried to make the Potter family seem real, as in you could picture them actually standing and breathing there. I have so many good images of them in my head.

Well, I've written Albus before in my first novel so it was easy to slip back into his head. He's a bit weird, isn't he? Hahaha. I had never written Lily before so I was glad that she turned out okay, I wasn't quite sure what I was going with when it came to her.

I never wanted my Trio to include Albus, Scorpius and Rose. I thought it would be neat to have Lavender fill in the role of both Hermione and Luna Lovegood. I based most of her character off of Luna, however and hopefully you'll love her once she shows up. Actually Lavender Brown is still alive in my universe! Hahahaha.

Teddy and Fred may actually be so upset about Roxanne getting married that they won't pick on Albus. Much. The wedding will be a disaster in many ways but I haven't exactly planned it all out yet so I hope you stop by again when I get another chapter up!

Thanks so much!

Gabbie


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Review #22, by aurevoir A Wedding

14th July 2015:
It's Cassie! Here for our review swap!

Okay, so I was trying to pick one that had few reviews. And I picked this one. I have no idea what I was expecting, but I absolutely loved this.

I am officially adding the story this goes off of into my reading list. I really want Scorpius and Lavender to get together, just because they sound cute. Although I'm still partial to Rose/Scorpius. I also really want to read about their shenanigans.

And the fact that Malfoy is a Gryffindor! I can't imagine how his father reacted to that. I really want to read that reaction scene because I just imagine Astoria being all loving and Draco standing there with steam literally coming out of the door. And poor Albus with the dress robes - I can't imagine what he felt like!

You did an excellent job characterizing the family - I can really imagine the family working this way. James being the trickster, Lily smart above her years, and Albus just that awkward middle child who seems to find trouble. And I like that Albus is basically part of a new Golden Trio, who seems to get in a lot more trouble than his father.

Also - be proud. I really just wanted to read a Draco story, but I was trying to branch out and read something different. But next time I'm back I will almost definitely be reading some of those Draco stories - and the one that I made the banner for will have me visiting very soon ;)

Thanks for agreeing to swap ♥ ♥ ♥

cassielassie

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks for stopping by with this awesome review, I'll be leaving you one sometime today! :D

I have quite a few stories on here and I really wasn't expecting you to pick this one out of the bunch. It makes me happy though because this is still pretty new and the response has been okay so far.

Oooh, it would be lovely if you read "Albus Potter and the Dark Lord's Prince!" it was my first fan fic. The children are actually eleven years old so there are alot of things in it that won't be mentioned until later. Some of the things that Albus talked about don't happen until afterward but the entire Zabini fiasco is set during that time.

My little Misfits are bad luck...

Yes! Scorpious (This is a typo that I have adopted to make him stand out as my own little demon so don't be too alarmed when you see it alot) is a Gryffindor. I wasn't able to put him into Slytherin and here's the thing about my universe: Draco Malfoy is not married to Astoria Greengrass so his reaction might not be what you were expecting.

You would have to read "Grey" or "A Force of Wills" on my AP to know what I mean by that but that's just shameless self-promoting on my part. Hahahh.

Poor Albus with the dress robes...I can't help but laugh at him though.

I really had a hard time writing the family because quite a few of these characters, I had never written before. Lily in particular was someone that I didn't think I would pull off since I knew nothing about her. She's not even brought into my universe until much later, if at all. Albus is the awkward everything, he's not very well-liked at Hogwarts and he feels sort of out of place with his family so that was fun to write. :D

I think my Misfits could have the Golden Trio running for cover. Hahahaha.

I'm happy that you stopped by and read this story instead of a Draco one! It would be awesome if you read the story you made a banner for too! A warning though: You should read "Monsters in the Dark" first since "Bitter Longing" is a sequel to that one-shot.

Thanks for the swap!

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #23, by SunshineDaisies A Wedding

5th July 2015:
Hi there! I'm so sorry it took me so long to get here! Lots and lots going on right now :)

This is a great start to a short story! I think you did a really wonderful job of capturing the characters, even just in the first chapter. They each have their own unique voices and personality, and it made it so much fun to read their interactions! I loved the banter between James and Albus, so cute! And Lily is such a sweet heart! :) You have definitely done an excellent job of characterization!

I love the tone of the piece as well! It's a really nice voice, and it's very interesting to read. It's very funny and it matches with Albus's voice perfectly.

In terms of pace, I thought this lagged a bit. There's a huge amount of information given to us in this chapter, and while some of it is necessary for context, I think a lot of it could be cut from this chapter and delivered later. For example, I don't think we need the whole dynamic between Scorpius, Lavender and Albus explained so thoroughly here. That's definitely something that can be expanded on in more interesting ways later on. I'd suggest mentioning that they're friends, of course, and perhaps alluding to all the trouble they've gotten in, but that specific information can be delivered later on. Perhaps through teasing by James or other Weasleys. As for the feelings Scorpius has for Lavender and how Albus feels about her, I honestly think you've given enough information for us to figure it out just through the dialogue. Removing the direct explanation of it would make everything flow a bit better.


Essentially, it comes down to showing versus telling. It always makes things more interesting to read if it's shown instead of told, and you're doing an excellent job of showing what's going on in the present, but I think there's too much telling as you describe the backstory. I wouldn't worry too much about making sure readers know everything that's happened in your corresponding novel. Not knowing isn't much different than not knowing the backstory to a completely new backstory. You can provide it more gradually without the reader being too confused.

Otherwise, this is a pretty great start! Good work!

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks so much for stopping by and don't worry about the lateness. I haven't been able to get to my reviews at all because I've been so busy lately so I totally understand!

I'm glad that you liked the characters for this story. I've been writing Albus and his friends for a while (This is a companion piece for Albus Potter and the Dark Lord's Prince, which was my first fanfic and is kind of dead right now, sadly.) so it was easy to get into his mind again. I wanted him to feel like a real, awkward boy and while I had never written Lily, she turned out to be quite the sweetheart. James on the other hand was exactly the way I imagined him and I'm not sure if that's good thing or not...

I actually looked back on some of the longer chapters that go into detail about Albus and the Misfits. I was going to go through and edit it a lot because it was too chunky, even when I posted it. Thanks for pointing it out though because it slowed the chapter down and wasn't very necessary. You obviously get the sense from the first two or three paragraphs that Albus loves them very much. Don't tell him I told you that though. Hahahaha.

Thanks for the review!

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #24, by Diogenissa A Wedding

30th June 2015:
Hello my dear--I am here for our swap! :-)

First of all, I know you've said it's alright but still--to take an entire week to complete a swap was not very cool of me and I'm really sorry for taking so long.

These first few paragraphs had me laughing with great amusement. I can already tell that poor Albus is in for a tough time (being a middle child myself, I understand this ALL too well myself).

I love how you describe the Weasley weddings in general, and that sounds like things Molly would do so IMO very in-character there.

The description and the history behind the robes tickled me to no end, especially this part right here:

...he was sure that the high collar would make him appear more like a lecherous vicar than a sporting young man. A withered, half dead vicar.

I was rather happy about the fact that you went into a pretty good summary of the friendship between the 3 of them. It's very concise and not too long: perfect for folks who haven't read the novel to which it is indirectly attached and provided a good background.

The banter between brothers was so descriptive and spot-on that I had to take a break from reading because James was irriating me (mind you I haven't been a teenager in over 20 years so I guess I've forgotten what it's like :-P ).

Overall it was an enjoyable read! I must also say that I was rather happy about the usage of vocabulary, as well as the descriptiveness of the scenes going on. I can't really say anything much on characterization mostly because I know next to nothing about the next gen (or Harry & Ginny for that matter--sorry! :( ).

I hope you enjoyed the review and thank you again for the swap! Let's do it again sometime if you'd like! :)

Karen xoxo

Author's Response: Hello!

It's all right that you came here kind of late, I'm not going to hold that against you or anything. Hahahah.

The first few paragraphs are actually my favorite and were the most fun to write. I liked describing Albus's past while also hinting at the fact that he was nowhere near as suave as he could have been. That's actually something that plays a part later on in this story because Albus is nothing like this father, really or his brother.

God, could you imagine being at a wedding with Molly? I would die. Hahahaha. I always imagine that Weasley weddings are wild, joyful and a hot mess.

Bwhahah, that high collar line is my favorite too.

Albus, Scorpious and Lavender have been friends for a long time. I wanted to highlight the fact that they loved one another and their connection was very deep, I'm glad that you liked it. :D

My brother and I argue just like this and so it was taken from experience. James is an annoying git so I had alot of fun writing him with Albus, who is just an awkward, weird kid. They balanced one another out well. :D

Thank you so much for stopping by with this review and also, the story "Albus Potter and the Dark Lord's Prince" is up if you wanted to check it out. The children are actually just eleven years old then so alot of the references mentioned (The donkey, Scorpia, centaurs, etc) haven't happened yet but the thing about Zabini is currently ongoing.

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #25, by CassiePotter A Wedding

24th May 2015:
Hi Gabbie!
This was such a great one-shot! I love reading about Albus, and I felt so, so bad for him in this. I didn't think things would get worse after all the trouble he got into in his first year, but those dress robes proved me wrong! I don't think it's fair that he had to wear them, when the rest of his family wore newer clothes! I bet Ron would be sympathetic after the dress robes he had to wear to the Yule Ball.
James and Albus's banter was awesome. They were so playful and fun, and acting exactly like I'd expect two brothers to act. I thought it was hilarious that James kept teasing Albus about him and Scorpius. And I loved that you brought up how moody Scorpius is and how weird and quirky Lavender is. I'm glad to see they didn't change much over the years!
I thought Lily was really sweet trying not to laugh at Albus's dress robes. I'd like to read more of her!
AH IT'S ROXIE AND BEN'S WEDDING. YES.
I thought this was a really fun one-shot, and I'm so glad you told me about it! Great job with this!
Cassie :)

Author's Response: Hello!

Hey, there! It's good to see you again, I just posted this story a few hours ago and I'm pleased by the response! Actually, this story isn't a one-shot. It's just a short story that I think I'll keep going with for about three or four chapters.

Hahahah, I don't write much humor and I wanted to break away from the angst with this story. I felt bad for Albus too even while I was laughing and it really IS unfair that he gets stuck with those awful robes when everyone else is looking fancy. Hhaha.

Oh, Ron will have a few words to say about the dress robes too. Hahaha.

I had so much fun writing James and Albus's banter. I almost had it going on for too long but they seemed like real siblings here and that rumor about Scorpious/Albus's love affair was just hilarious.

Scorpious is still moody and Lavender is still weird. I couldn't change that about them. Haha.

Lily will show up more, I promise!

YES. Roxie and Ben are getting married so spoiler alert for people reading Abandon! ;)

Thanks so much!

Much love,

Gabbie


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