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Reading Reviews for Once More
13 Reviews Found

Review #1, by RavenclawFTW Once More

12th February 2016:
Hey, I'm here for BvB, but I didn't exactly know that I was choosing to get my heart broken when I clicked this story! I always think I can handle angst, but I really, really cannot. At all. Especially when it's as beautiful and compelling as this story! Seriously amazing job. Wow. I've been having a bad day and I've been a bit teary, and I'm honestly full on sobbing now. So...thank you?

To be more coherent: this story is SO WELL WRITTEN. I am in awe of your style, especially in describing the beginning section. The imagery of the scenery is so vivid and I honestly feel like I can picture everything perfectly here.

Beyond the incredible imagery, the way you've woven plot and characterization is incredible for a one-shot. You've tied an identity crisis into the end of a longterm crush into a class into an epic fight scene and it felt totally natural! Seriously, even though looking back this was a wild ride, at the time I had no idea where it was going, and every step of it was very realistic.

I am especially impressed by your writing of the scene with the dragon-- it came of as very believable, which I think can be really hard for a scene like that. It was a great balance of detail, plot, and characterization.

And then the scene a year later...wow. I wasn't entirely sure who it was going to be in the hospital bed, but that hit me so hard. Just like...wow. I can't even say anything articulate-- I'm sorry! I'm kinda choking up again. Ahh sorry this review is all over the place, but this story was seriously amazing. It's also reminded me of why I really, really can't do angst!!

Thank you for sharing this story. I loved it and hated it in equal measures, which I think is the sign of an excellent tragic one-shot.

(And I agree-- Rose/Scorpius for life!)


Author's Response: You know, I'd say sorry, but really I'm not. It was my intention to try and break the hearts of anyone reading this story, so the fact that it made you teary, makes me just want to break into maniacal laughter. I had to have my hopes and loves dashed to the ground with this story, I want everyone to share in my plight.

Thank you for the praise about my writing, I really appreciate it. I wanted my readers to be immersed in this along with my Scorpius. So the descriptions and following Scorpius out for a bit of a morning read, was deliberately designed to draw people in.

And I'm blushing even more at what you've said about the way the plot rattles along from thinking it was one type of story to another. Part of it was done under the influence of the various story prompts. It started off as an angsty Scorbus, but having a look around for other challenges for it to fall into, I found the 'Sink your Ship' challenge. I realised that the begining of one relationship meant that an old one had to fall away and so added in the end of the Scorose at the beginning. It worked so organically, I was so happy, By having the former 'love' end for him, it made Scorpius have to analyse his feelings fully and it propelled the story into the new relationship.

Again, thanks for your kind words on the Dragon scene. I worked really hard on that. I wanted it a blend of exactly what you said; it was important to me that it not only be highly dramatic, but it also had to show the characters of all those involved. As well, I suppose of advancing the plot into the angsty conclusion.

Ah yes, again I should be sorry about just who we find lying upon the bed close to death, but I just cannot be. This my dear reader is the essense of angst: take your protagonist and hurt them; then hurt them some more; then show how things could possibly get better; then take something/someone dear to them and hurt them even worse. It was meant to be confusing at the begining, or at least to make you think that it was Scorpius who lay dying, but I know it made it even more tragic when the actuality was switched around.

You cannot know just how happy it makes me that you say that you loved and hated this story in equal measures; I want to shout, 'that was my evil intent all along!' Yes, Rose/Scorpius forever, that is why this is so angsty; if my ship had to sink, then I wanted the one that supplanted it to sink even harder.

Thanks for the emotional review, I really appreciate it.

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Review #2, by cherry_pop94 Once More

4th February 2016:
Hello! I'm here for Bvb!

Oh my god. This was heartbreaking. I thought it was Scorpius in the hospital, but nope, it was Albus. I assume this was intentional. When you mentioned the 'green eyes' I almost screamed! PLOT TWIST.

This was beautifully written. Scorpius and Albus have a beautiful, tragic love. I can feel how strong their bond is, but Albus is just so sick. I cannot imagine how devastating that day must of been for them.

Thanks for sharing this wonderful story Andrew!


Author's Response: Thanks for the review, I'm glad that BvB drew you here.

I'm glad you thought that the story was heartbreaking as that was certainly my intent. As to the confusion of just whom it was lying near to death's door on the hospital bed, again that was also my design. It was bad that Scorpius was disfigured, but to make it super angsty it had to be Albus that lay dying.

Yes, I tried to make it so, beautiful and tragic. I wanted that realisation that what Scorpius had been seeking had been right to hand all along, but a combination of lack of maturity and societal pressures had led to neither of them realising their true feelings towards each other. They have had precious little good and a lot of devastating during their all too brief romance.

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Review #3, by Ignis the Imp Once More

24th January 2016:
Hello there!

I've been searching my dragon then I heard a Welsh Green hurt Harry Potter's son. Though my dragon isn't the Welsh Green, I feel sad about what happened to Albus and Scorpius in your story.

I was very impressed by your description about autumn in your magical world. Your beautiful expression captured my heart and I couldn't stop reading till the end. So beautiful and so sad. Scorpius didn't know Albus did response for his true feeling. I like the scene where they touched hippogriff. And their fight against the dragon, I got excited by your marvelous description filled with action.
Hagrid might have hunch that something bad would happen in his class. I couldn't believe how badly their young love ended. May I repeat my feeling again? So sad and so beautiful. I wish Hagrid could save them in the class.

Thank you for your beautiful masterpiece. Your words are all picturesque and I could imagine each scene of your tragedy like a movie along with beautiful music.

Ignis the Imp

Author's Response: Thanks for the review.

I also feel greatly for what happened to them both in the story, though it didn't stop me from doing it.

I tried to make the scene come alive in the original descriptions. It seems to have caught the attention of most of my readers, your good self included. I hoped that it would capture the attention and help people to finish reading it all.

Scorpius didn't know about Albus's true feelings indeed, not until it was almost too late. The Hippogriff scene did bring a lot of that out.

Thanks, I worked hard upon the dragon scene, wanting to make it action filled and still understandable by my readers.

I wish that Hagrid could have saved them too, but it wouldn't have been angsty if I had. It was so sad, but at least the pair of them had love once. No matter what happens, they had a moment in which they both loved each other and shared it.

That is wonderful praise indeed, thank you Ignis for the lovely review.

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Review #4, by Pookha Once More

12th January 2016:
This was very well written and beautiful in its simplicity. You may or may not know that Abraxas Malfoy died from from dragon pox, so this seems even more poignant to me.

I like the descriptions of the canon characters. I've always thought the main actors were a bit too pretty and not real looking enough to play Harry/Ron/Hermione. Your descriptions make them more like real people and less like models or actors.

The heart wants what it wants and this is a great example of it. Scorpius's reluctance to admit his sexuality even to himself rings true, as does his epiphany of what he was really like.

A story where the relationship is unrequited or not possible due to some reason is one that always speaks to me, so I like the Rose/Scorpius bits as well as the Albus/Scorpius relationship.

Nicely tied up and beautifully written.
'As was his want' should be 'As was his wont' it's a weird word but wont means customary doing.

a BvB review.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review, I'm glad that the BvB brought you my way.

Once you mentioned it, I remembered that fact.
braxas would have died long before Scorpius was born, so he would not have seen Abraxas' death first-hand, but it does make this all a bit more personal for him doesn't it. I'd like to say that I had written this story with that fact in mind, but I cannot say that I did. It is just one of those happy accidents that happen to an author that we have to thank the writing gods for.

I thought that the Rose in this story was a bit hard, emotionally, so I made her match it physically too.

That's well put, the whole story is about finding out that the heart wants what it wants. It's what Scorpius finds, that what his brain has been telling him that he wants might not be what his heart desires. He does still like Rose, but one too many times of her nastiness has extinguished any love for her.

This story was originally written for two challenges: one was for an angsty tale, the other was for a Scorbus one. As I was looking around at other challenges, I came across one that would sink my ship. I realised that for the ship of Scorbus to rise, the Scorose one had to sink. So a few additional paragrahs saw to it and made the whole work better for it.

Thanks for the CC, I have to go and correct it sometime.

Thanks again for the lovely review, I'm glad you enjoyed it.

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Review #5, by Aphoride Once More

15th November 2015:
Hey there, Andrew, dropping by for the BvB Battle! :) So I really wanted to stop on this, because I always love reading people's entries for the Sink Your Ship challenge - there's something so beautiful and so sad about the whole idea of it, you know? And all the results are so varied and fascinating, too - so yeah, I had to stop on this, and I hope you don't mind! :)

First off, I'm really, really impressed with how you combined so many challenges into one story - it looks crazy, but it works so, so well. I especially love the way you've split Rose/Scorpius up (though, I dunno, they weren't quite so split, if they were never together - but I liked that, you know, there wasn't a relationship there, but feelings on his part - it made it much more interesting than the usual love triangle stories) in order for Albus/Scorpius to get together. There was something so sweet about Scorpius' discovery of his feelings, and something so brave about how he admitted them. Though I guess near-death experiences can do that to a person :P

I loved the way you characterised them all - though I'd have liked to see more the Rose/Scorpius interaction. I know most of the story isn't about them, but still it would have been nice to feel the break when they ended a bit more, you know? Albus' string of girls made me laugh, though I loved how easily they seemed to fall into a relationship and how easily they both accepted their, essentially, new-found sexualities, and how Scorpius was so afraid at the beginning - they're all such great emotions and you wrote them so well and so clearly, they came through beautifully :)

Your writing in this was lovely - you have a very lyrical, old-fashioned style of writing which I love - it reminds me a bit of Jane Austen's style with some of the word choices and things. Your description is great, too - the scene with the dragon was amazing! The only thing I'd say is you tend to use 'the' a lot to start sentences, especially in the same paragraph and it can get jarring. Maybe try changing it up a bit? But really, it's a small thing - your dialogue and everything is so good and so well done, it's really great.

Gah, I'm so sad about what you did to your characters - did you have to do that in the end? Really? Really?! You couldn't let them be happy, no :P Nah, but there was something sort of tragic about them all the way through which I loved, and I don't think a happy ending would really have worked half as well :)

This is a lovely, lovely one-shot :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Thank you for the review. After the initial flurry of attention the interest in this story died down so it has been interesting to revisit it with your fantastic review.

It was funny, I had the initial idea for the story based upon one of the challenges, then as I was hunting around the other challenges served to refine my idea; rather than limiting me, the restraints imposed by meeting the requirements of the other challenges was liberating.

Yes I know that they are not properly together, but that's the whole thing about a romance - the build up. In most romances the pair do not get together till the end; there is a lot of build up, a lot of too-and-fro that happens for ages before they can be together. That's what the two of them have and they just might be on the verge of something more, but then Rose - ever a victim of inertia in her ways of thinking - engages her mouth before her brain and it is all just gone in one instant of nastiness. So I know you said you would have liked to see more of the Rose/Scorpius interaction, but it is just the same sort of stuff that happens in a lot of Scoroses. Though I must say, that I do have an idea for an epilogue ...

Thank you for all the praise of how I wrote the burgeoning feelings of Scorpius, and to some extent Albus (though not as strictly delineated as the former). I realised that the time frame of the short story was a bit of a rush to have the feelings develop so fully, but I hope that my attempt to show that the feelings had been there all the time worked - they had just been buried under the surface and outdated notions of propriety.

I know I have such an old fashioned way of writing; I cannot help it, it's just the way that I write. I usually hope that it is not too jarring for a modern audience, so to have it described as a merit instead is wondrous. I thank you so much.

This story was largely unbetan, so errors like you have mentioned have crept in. I shall see about my over-use of 'the' and go back and try to correct them.

It was for an angst challenge after all and as I noted, if I had to sink my own ship, then every boat in the harbor was going to go down with them. Yes there was something tragic and doomed about them right from the start. That the two of them had subsumed their feelings for each other under different veneers: one under a love for a girl who would probably never love him back; and the other in a string of girlfriends, to somehow justify what his sexuality should be to himself.

Thanks for the review, that is the good thing about the BvB - it does so prompt one to review people that one has meant to.

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Review #6, by merlins beard Once More

3rd August 2015:
Hey Andrew,

Molly and I are going through our entries for the Addicted to Albus & Scorpius challenge and reviewing them all - the results will be up soon.

I've read this before but thought I'd review it later so it was fresh on my mind for the judging.

You actually broke my heart twice here, since I ship both Scorose and Scorbus.

Oh the pain, the Angst. When Molly and I created the challenge, we weren't expecting so many angsty entries (but I love every one of them).

I don't think I've ever read about an attacking dragon at Hogwarts before. You wrote the attack scene very well - it was filled with action and worry and then pain, and then you go to the hospital scene... and at first we think it's Scorpius there, but it's actually Albus and then I just wanted to cry because it's all so unfair. Scorp saves Albus from the Dragon and then Albus (almost) dies anyway. And it's still because of the Dragon.

The one thing that isn't really clear to me is why Ginny Potter would be afraid of what people would think of her family if Scorpius visits Albus in hospital. I've personally always seen Ginny as a very strong, independent woman who doesn't care at all about what the media says about her. I can't see her being concerned about that.
Be that as it may, I think it's great that Harry allowed Scorp to visit after all.

The hospital scene was so heartbreaking. I could almost see them there, Scorpius holding Albus' hand and hoping against hope that it'll be different this time. That Albus will stay conscious, that he will improve. And then it just isn't and he falls back into unconsciousness and his vitals are weaker than before and Scorpius is already so used to this that it doesn't even disappoint him too much - that makes it so much more painful for me.

You've created an angsty masterpiece here, and I really like what you came up with and that you wrote it for so many different challenges. Thanks so much for your entry.


Author's Response: Hello, thanks so much for the review.

I have almost been avoiding responding to these reviews for a few reasons. Firstly, most of them have been so wonderful and lovely that I re-read them and just fall to pieces and find myself beggared to respond. Secondly, it was a difficult piece for me to write, not the angst (I find angst reasonably easy), but the LGBTQA. Being an older, straight male, the area is way out of my comfort zone - ha, I'm laughing, maybe that's why I had to doom the poor lovers. But I have long been open to the value of gay pairings in literature (my wife and her fondness for slash has seen to that), but until recently the experiences that I had with the area in fan fiction has not been a good one. The way it has been presented to me by the authors on this site has opened my eyes to the charm that the sub-genre can produce. Enough so, that I felt that I could attempt to write a story wherein the protagonists are gay males.

Anyway, enough of that, I wanted to respond to this review to make sure that some of my intent you understood correctly.

I ship Scorose so hard it's unfunny. I said to one of my other correspondents, that if I had to sink my ship then I would scuttle every other ship I could along with it. Actually this started only as the angsty Scorbus, but in looking around I saw Ad Astra's challenge to sink your OTP and I suddenly realised that as the ship of Scorbus rose then it must mean that Scorose had to have sunk. So I added the passages in and found that they provided a wonderful counterpoint - as Scorpius found his love for Rose had slowly curdled over time, it made him realise how his affections for Albus had risen. Having to match all the challenges, was far from the restriction that it may at first seem - it really helped the work to improve.

People keep saying that they have never read about an attacking dragon at Hogwarts before, I find it hard to believe in some respects, but easy in others. Wales is very far from Scotland and I had to ensure that there was a logical reason for one to be there. Even if it was the Scottish dragon, the Hebridean Black, it had to have a reason to have removed itself from it's island home.

People seemed to have liked the action scene, I did work hard on it. I did re-write the beginning of the scene, with the hippogriffs, to emphasise the boy's burgeoning relationship.

All that confusion as to whom is in the hospital bed, all that unfairness that makes you want to cry: ladies and gentlemen I give you angst. I laugh manically at your tears - if I can't have my ship then you all get nothing, nothing I tells ya! BWA HA HA!

The thing about Ginny is what I had to clear up. At that stage I was still trying to trick my readers into thinking that it was Scorpius dying. Because of a bias that people have towards the Malfoy's, a reader could easily assume that the mother in question is Astoria - worried about her family's appearance and status. I wanted to turn that on it's head. People on this site are remarkably tolerant of things LCGTQA, but the world isn't. I thought that a mother, any mother, who is having to cope with the sudden onset of the imminent death of a beloved son, might not deal well with the also sudden realisation that he might be gay. I can imagine anyone in the press of that moment not to react well to something like that. So it's not so much that it's the media's reaction that she is specifically against, as that it's just the first thing she blurts out in her upset. It takes Harry, who intimately knows the value of true love, to calm her and allow the boys to have whatever few precious moments they have left together.

Poor Scorpius, I'm glad that I got the drawn out nature of it across. That this is just one long heartbreak for him, with occasional little peaks of hope, but the trend ever, steadily downwards into despair.

Thank you so much for the challenge, it was actually yours that inspired this story's creation.

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Review #7, by jessicalorewrites Once More

26th June 2015:
hey! jess here, reading and reviewing so that I can (finally lol) get the results out for the diversity challenge. the results should be out within the next couple of days so keep your eyes peeled over on the forums!

awh, I would have loved to have seen a bit more of the dynamic between rose and scorpius and their history behind why they hate each other so much. it seems very odd, what with scorpius fancying her, and it would have been so so interesting to find out more about their relationship with each other. also I think the way you characterised rose was on the brink of something great and I would LOVE a development upon that if you ever made this longer. that being said, the way you ended scorpius' affections for rose was really clever and tied in well with the sink your ship challenge, which I know this was also written for.

I love the hippogriff lesson! it's really great in prisoner of azkaban and I like that this echoed a lot of what happened here too. first there was just the general intimidated awe of the hippogriffs and then albus being the first one to ride them. similarly, albus's heroism is very inline with harry's character in general, and also scorpius got hurt (though significantly more severely) during this lesson, just like draco did all those years ago. the way you wrote the part when the dragon came out was phenomenal. I think my heart stopped too. scorpius' reactions and the way you wrote that out really added to the draw out of the event and the way he took everything in almost in slow motion made it feel like a film. really dramatic and incredibly well written!

I'm so heartbroken by the second part of the story though. scorpius, oh my god poor poor scorpius. he pushed albus and the girl out of the way and took the brunt of the flames himself which is so heroic but equally stupid and I'm just glad he didn't die tbh because that would have been catastrophic D: but then again... albus got severely ill with dragon pox and I'm pretty sure the end of the chapter is supposed to be him DYING and I want to cry because you can't sink bOTH OF MY SHIPS NO. both of them have thus far survived horrifying events and the one you lead the reader to believe might die turned out to be the one in better health.. this is like tfios all over again!! *heart shatters*

you did a really amazing job combining all these challenges into the one entry. I loved your version of albus/scorpius and the way you handled all of the emotional trauma from the events. great job! ♥ my favourite line was the "between the two of them they made one sort of whole, normal boy" which is equally heartbreaking

- jess, xo

Author's Response: Thank you for the wonderful review and for inspiring me with the challenge. It has been hard for me to respond to all of these amazing reviews because of how the feels get in the way.

With Rose and Scorpius, their history is much the same as what you would expect from what is considered 'normal' for the two: just animosity and rivalry and a bit of fighting. There hasn't been too much hatred as such, more that they have both fallen into habits, especially Rose, who is probably not as honest with herself as we see Scorpius is with himself. I have thought about expanding this story, but there is only one way in which I could do so and it would not be happy for either. We shall have to see.

Having them both at a lesson about hippogriffs was just too good not to do. I'm so glad that the parallels were apparent, I did so try to make them so. What it says about the character of the two boys - how like his father Albus is, and how unlike his father (at least, the way his father was) Scorpius is. You are correct, Scorpius does get injured, like his father did before him, but it is much, much worse.

Thank you for the kind words about the dragon attack. I really did want it to seem like a film and I'm glad it did. I wanted it packed with drama and action and the reader not to know that a safe outcome was in anyway certain.

Well there you go, I did enter it in the Angst and the Sink-you-Ship challenges for a reason after all. That you are heartbroken pleases me very much, because that was my intent. You are quite correct, the one that was seemingly in better health, is the one that is not so by the end. That line you quote was a favourite of my readers - it was too emotional, too heartrending for me not to include it.

Thank you again for the challenge and for this lovely review.

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Review #8, by patronus_charm Once More

25th June 2015:
Hey there Andrew! Here to finally review this for my challenge!

Oooh I absolutely loved the first section! Scorpius was such a hilarious character with the way he had an arrangement with a House Elf and his inner thoughts even seemed to be so refined and posh. He truly was living up to the Malfoy name I guess. He had this lovely wit about him too, especially with Rose as I do wonder if there is any history between them or whether this is just an irrational hatred.

Hmm, itís interesting how Hugo and Rose turned out in terms of looks as usually Rose is a replica of Hermione and Hugo is a replica of Ron, so this more unusual take on them makes it a whole lot interesting. I do wonder what it means for Scorpius though as I do have a feeling he might be bi as heís drawn to the manly Rose and seemingly drawn to the more girly Hugo. Though Iím not sure how Albus fits into this as Scorpius did get flutters when hugging himÖ I do have to quickly say that I really love your characterisation of Scorpius as itís so original and you donít know what heíll be thinking next!

Aw, I loved the cameo from Hagrid as itís always great to see him pop up again and Iím glad heís still teaching them about Hippogriffs even after everything that happened with Draco. Hahaha, it did make me laugh that Albus was so like Harry in terms of going first and then playing the hero with the dragon because wow I did not expect that twist in the story! The drama with the dragon was so well written and really dynamic too that I loved reading it! The last bit of that scene! ♥ That was adorably cute between the two of them and I was just gushing so much.

That last scene!! That was so sad as you could really sense Scorpiusí pain for Albus knowing that Albus was in pain every day and that they could never ever be a normal couple. I think that last line really highlighted how sad it was because it must be horrible having to think that thought day in and day out.

Thanks for writing this Andrew, it was a really great entry!


Author's Response: Hi there, as I said in my last response, it has been hard for me to respond to all of these wonderful reviews - the sheer emotion of it all tends to handicap me. Enough of the prevarication, on with my response.

You say that this review was done because it was submitted to your challenge. It has been so long and I submitted it to so many, that I have forgotten exactly which challenge yours was, lol. Thank you for the review though and all the challenges added in some way to the story that I eventually wrote - it made me refine and polish what I wanted to do so that it fit into each. Not only that but each challenge forced me to make the story better in some way.

Yes, I always like to reinforce the posh nature of Scorpius. It wouldn't be a condescending or horrible deal he had with the House-elves, but he would have one. I could even see him in the begining actually doing the ironing of the trousers himself, until that act alone impressed itself upon the elves that he wasn't trying to treat them like slaves.

As to his history with Rose. It has been a rivalry over the years, with it's attendant ups and downs, but largely any hatred upon Rose's part is not only irrational, but tired and old. It has been going on too long and has devolved into habit; she should have put it behind her ere now. Too late though, and we get the glimering of the fact that Rose may just be begining to realise herself that the foundations of her dislike for Scorpius have been built upon sand.

Thanks for your comments upon the character of Scorpius. He is in such a transition state that even he is not fully aware of where his emotions may lead him to next. As to Rose, I always think that she takes far more after the Weasley side, in temperament especially, than her after mother - except in the brains department.

If we are talking hippogriffs and a Care of Magical Creatures class, then I just had to include Hagrid; I also find him a delight to write. I'm glad you enjoyed the drama of the scene with the dragon, I really wanted it to work. As to that last bit, when imminent death is upon them, it at last forces the pair to be honest with each other.

And then it turns around and we find out that it is horrible for both of them. I'm glad that it gave you 'the sads' - that was my intent.

Thanks for the review and thanks for the challenge.

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Review #9, by Tonks1247 Once More

3rd June 2015:

I think I need a minute to collect my thoughts and actually come up with something coherent to say.

Okay. So. Wow. I just popped by the common room, figuring Iíd jump start becoming active again by checking out the review battle and I donít think I was prepared for this. I just picked a story, thinking I hadnít read a ScoRose in a long time and while I donít typically read LGBTQA as a genre, I figured why not, knowing that it was likely to turn into a Scorpius/Albus. But this was nothing like I expected.

To start, your vocabulary and word choice was phenomenal. There was a collection of words I had to actually go look up to ensure I knew exactly what they meant, but this was not a distraction or take-away point of the story. If anything, they really helped build Scorpiusí character, as heís so prim and proper and speaks formally to others, no matter their regard for him, that your word choice really helped accentuate that.

Going right from that point is your characterization. Not only was Scorpius characterized in a way I have never seen before, but so was Rose. This may be because I havenít read many ScoRose as of late to really get a good idea of what their characters are portrayed as, but each character was unique to this story. They had their mannerisms and behaviours which you held steady throughout the entire story. It really gave me a different image of both Scorpius and Rose which was really cool.

I think another thing that you crossed, in one of the most clean and elegantly worded ways possible, was Scorpiusí realization that Rose wasnít all he had made her out to be in his head. It was that final realization that putting all this time into liking someone who would never change their way of being due to some prejudice just wasnít worth it. When it then transitioned to Albus, and all that Albus was for him, I think I about died.

So, not only do you echo the section about his realization about Rose (talking about 6 years hatred vs 6 years of inseparable friendship) but you also put in a point about friendship surpassing being just friendship. I think that line is really telling about how sometimes things become more without anyone realizing that thatís the way things are going.

The dragon appearing during Care of Magical Creatures was awesome as well! At first, when it first appeared, I was like, why would a dragon come from the forest, but after continuing reading, you explained and it honestly made sense. It was a crafty way to include a dragon showing up at Hogwarts and it worked quite well.

I will admit, I was a bit perplexed as to who was on the deathbed initially. It became clear that it was Albus, and part of me thinks this problem could be resolved by moving the explanation about dragon pox sooner, but on the flip side, I really sort of adore how you have it set it. And thatís because it allows for a better structure to explain the relationship between Albus and Scorpius better, and it does flow alright.

Overall, this was absolutely fantastic. I will admit, there were a couple places, I think in the first and maybe the beginning of the second section that had some comma issues. Some of that could just be writerís preferences. Now that Iím looking back for them, I canít point them out but it may be something to look for in the first two sections. There was one other spot as well:

ďNo, it was her brother who'd inherited his mother's good looks and was the pretty one Ė and some of the stories that had circulated about him Ö the way he was treated made Scorpius doubly sure that he didnít want his new-found desires to be publicly known, till her was surer of himself.Ē Ėhe not her

Okay, thatís it for the nitpicky things, as that honestly all there was. This story was really well put together and I quite enjoyed the read! And, leaving off, Iíll share two of my favorite lines that were either really telling or just hit me hard and I loved them!

ďWhen he came along and monopolised Albusí attention, it created a rift between the two cousins that time hadnít healed and had only made worse.Ē

ďHe finished off with a tender kiss to his forehead. In a strange quirk of fate the pustules and leisons only covered the left side of Albus' face - so that between the two of them they made one sort of whole, normal boy.Ē


Author's Response: Hi there, it is to my shame that it has taken me so long to respond to some of these wonderful reviews. You see, the story that I wrote was fairly far out of my safety zone and the reviews that I have recieved have all been so positive and affirming, that once I respond to one or two of them, I have to 'go and have a lie down' for a while to get over the emotions of it all. Well, I have 'rested' for a bit and it is time that I plow on and answer a few more.

Immediately that I start to try to respond, you get to me. So many thanks to you for this wonderful review. It really meant a lot to me the praise you gave me for my word usage and how I used it to give Scorpius his own voice. I really tried hard to do so and it is so pleasing to me that it was seen and appreciated.

As to the way that Rose and Scorpius are portrayed, there is a whole range of character and atributes that I have seen ascribed to the pair, that I truly cannot tell you what is the 'common' way for them to behave. Myself, I tend to write Scorpius as being a sensitive soul who is well aware of the negative connotations that his last name brings. Rose, in this instance, is just someone who has been stuck in her ways for too long and will only realise what she has when it is taken from her. It's fairly tragic, but that is the nature of the story I am trying to craft.

Thank you so much for your words on the transition between the end of the feelings for Rose and the beginning of the ones for Albus. I knew that it was going to be a weak point of my story; just how rapidly that I had to transition from one state into the other; it was only a one shot after all. What I had to do, was present it in such a way that the feelings had been there all along, but submerged due to feelings he had for Rose and the propriety of the new feelings. I'm so glad you thought it worked.

Yes the dragon. I knew I wanted a dragon because of what I wanted to do to Scorpius, ala. being disfigured but not in a critical way. Fire and hence a dragon to deliver it seemed the best way. I was worried that Scotland would be too far for it to be believable that a Welsh dragon could appear there. It was only later that I realised that the other British dragon was in fact Scottish and could have made the journey far more believably. Oh well, the fact that Dragon pox had made it mad with pain and sickness, sufficed for a good enough reason for it's appearance.

Exactly who is on their death-bed was made to be deliberately confusing. Of course the reader would initially believe that it was Scorpius, but when it turns out that it isn't, I wanted the reader to reassess the assumptions that they had made - especially about Albus' family. What the reader easily proscribes to the mother of Scorpius, makes one question their innate prejudices when they realise that it instead applies to the mother of Albus. For all it's difficulty, I'm glad that it did flow right for you in the end.

Thanks for the 'fantastic', but as to commas ... I do tend to be a bit of a fiend with them. I use them not only where I absolutely should, but also where I want the sentence to be broken and paused as I envisioned it to be as I wrote it.

Thanks for including what specific passages you liked. The last was meant to tug upon one's heartstrings and I'm glad it made the impression upon people that it did.

Thanks for reading and thanks for the absolutely wonderful review. Welcome back to the site and I hope you find other things of value to read - there is a lot of good stories to be found here.

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Review #10, by Veritaserum27 Once More

23rd May 2015:

Andrew, what have you done? To me?

I wasnít ready. I wasnít ready to read this and my heart wasnít ready and now itís broken and I donít think Iíve felt this destroyed from reading a story in a long, long time. Certainly not a fanfic story. AND IíM A DIE-HARD SCOROSE SHIPPER!

Ok - admittedly, I do love a good Albus/Scorpius story. So I had an inkling of what I was getting into, but I donít know how you managed an entire LIFETIME of love and devotion in under 5000 words! I know the story didnít take place over a lifetime, but the power of the love and devotion they shared was far more than most people get to experience in a lifetime.

I love your characterization of Scorpius. Heís the epitome of a well brought up, pure blood young man. He dresses the part, and corrects himself internally for being too informal when thinking about the clouds. Yet heís likeable. Loveable, even in that he is kind and thoughtful and can just find beauty in a quiet moment left to read.

And then you sunk our ship in just two paragraphs. It wasnít overly angsty or painful or problematic. It was a simple realization and a new found freedom. How unexpected!

I love how you dealt with Scorpiusís heteronormative views and how you brought the reader through his own epiphany. And the words you used to describe his feelings for Albus were so, so beautiful. In his realization, he is accepting and gleeful. I felt like I was all of these things, along with him. The story was crafted so well. And I love, love, LOVE that you gave Scorpius a different type of sexuality. It seems that he is demisexual (I hope Iím right here), in that he isnít attracted to just anyone, but rather their inner selves and the gender doesnít really matter to him. Gah - it was done SO well!

ďEarth to Scorpius, I think weíve lost him; come in, come in.Ē Albus was waving his hand in front of his friendís face and it was a bit of a dislocation for Scorpius to go from the mental image of his friendís face and what heíd like to be doing to it, to the real thing, in the flesh, right in front of him. He blushed so hard that he wouldnít have been surprised to find even his hair had turned Weasley red.

Aww, poor, adorable, sweet, smitten Scorpius. I could eat him up!

The moment they shared with the Hippogriff was so awesome. It was soft and sweet and perfect and left the reader wanting for more.

I should have known. I should have seen it coming. You gave us the hints - with the sick Hippogriffs. There was a warning, but I didnít notice.

The action scene with the dragon was so well done, I donít know how to put it into words. I was gripping the edge of my laptop, reading it so fast, my eyes skimmed over the words. They were all right. The had to be all right. They were heroes. Albus saved the first girl and they fought valiantly for the girl who was paralyzed with fear.

He could almost feel the love streaming up his arm from the contact with Albus.

I am undone.

And then the pain. Scorpius is hurt - itís bad, really, really bad.

And it shouldíve been over. The pain was awful at the very idea of Scorpius breathing his first breaths of new life and having it taken away. Theyíd confessed their love for each other and they would work through this. Everything would be okay.

But no. No, no, no, no, no.

My heart, Andrew. You need a warning on this story about the danger to the readerís heart. Argh!

Iím rent with emotion and pain at the unfairness of it all. They deserve love. The kind of love that doesnít involve hospital visits and hope for just one more day. No - they deserve much more than that. Albus and his generous spirit alone deserves it, of his own merit. But Scorpius does as well. He felt the power that love can provide and the unfairness of it all is breaking me. The part about them being a whole boy if you put the two of them together was the tipping point. The love that emanates regardless of their circumstances is simply inspiring.

I want to be angry and wallow in my pain and frustration of all this, but I canít. Youíve written a beautiful piece and the fact that I feel changed by it deserves accolades. Amazing, beautiful, awe-inspiring job.

♥ Beth

Author's Response: I am finally getting around to responding to the amazing reviews that I have recieved on this story. They all have been so wonderful and for the longest time I just couldn't even begin to respond, your beautiful one has been a particularly tough one to respond to.

Well no longer, I have rolled up my sleves and girded my loins and I shall respond to you.

I've read your first few paragraphs again and ... just how do I respond. Thank you so much. How wonderful, how heartening for an author to hear that he has engendered such feelings in his audience. You know how great a Scorose fan I am, and some of the angst of this story comes from that place of - "if I can't have my ship, then I'll sink them all." If I broke your heart I am sorry, but how sorry can I truly be when that was my intention all along?

You know that my version of Scorpius, is in no small way informed by your own. As I've said before, the range that is possible for the character of the son of Draco Malfoy is immense and is open to all manner of interpretation.

The feelings for Rose do end rather abruptly, but I do hope that I've managed to convey that it was the thin end of the wedge - that it has been going slowly wrong, curdling as I say in the story, for so long that it is just the final straw that makes it all collapse.

Thank you, again I am touched by your praise. Some of it comes down to the damands of the story's format - if this was to be kept as a one-shot then the relationship between the two boys had to come about very quickly. And the best way for that to be believeable was to have it be present all along but ignored (for various, logical reasons). I tried to think of how a Scorpius in his situation would be; how this close, close friendship with Albus would have been. How beforehand he would have filed any extra-normal thoughts about the friendship as weird or to be ignored or just innappropriate and wrong. When his slate is wiped clean by his dismissal of his suit for Rose's attentions, he re-evaluates that friendship with Albus and realises what he has dared not let himself realise before.

After you read this version, I did expand the scene slightly with the Hippogriffs - it was good, but it was such a pivotal scene that I had to make it better. It is sweet and tender and is definately the calm before the storm.

Thank you for the comments on the dragon attack scene, I really wanted to keep people on the edge of their seats, I did promise them angst and up to that point it would have been the easiest place to bring that to fruition. But no, they are both OK at the end of it - well, for a given value of OK; they are both alive and both have declared their love. If only it had ended there, hey?

I am so touched that you are so touched by it. That line about them being together, just enough to make one whole boy, was too good not to put in - it does make it even sadder I feel.

It's unfair, and it's tragic, but Scorpius will always know that for one year of his life, at least, he did find true love.

Thank you Beth, your words mean more to me than you can know.


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Review #11, by May Once More

18th May 2015:
A beautiful story it made me cry

Author's Response: This was a simple and beautiful review, it made my day.

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Review #12, by TreacleTart Once More

17th May 2015:
Hey Andrew,

I saw that you posted about this on the forums and thought I'd stop by and give it a go.

Wow. I don't even know where to start on this one. So much happened. So many broken hearts. This was a lot to process.

Let me try and start at the beginning. Initially, I was confused because you started this out with ScoRose and I thought it was a ScorBus. Once I started reading further though, it made sense. I kind of like how you handled it. It wasn't anything terribly dramatic, just a simple case of not wanting to be treated badly.

I enjoyed watching it dawn on Scorpius that he was into Albus. He seemed a bit confused about his sexuality at first, but I could see that being a very normal thing to go through in this situation. I loved that you made his sexuality a bit more fluid and that it revolved not on gender, but the intricacies of someone's personality. I feel like that is a very authentic approach to love.

As soon as the dragon showed up, I knew there was going to be tragedy. I actually thought that Scorpius waasn't going to be able to save Albus, but he did. It just didn't matter. It's a really bitter pill to swallow that it might've been better for Scorpius to just let Albus die in the flames instead of saving him to suffer endlessly. That is indeed tragic.

I think as usual, your writing looked good. The plot progressed at a nice even speed, picking up slightly towards the middle with the dragon attack. The characterization was nice. Oh and the imagery! You had some lovely imagery in the beginning when you were talking about what type of day it was. All in all, another good story Andrew!


Author's Response: Thank you for this lovely review, all the one's that I have recieved on this have been wonderful. I have had a tough time resonding to them in the manner that they deserve. Well I have finally girded my loins and am here to respond.

That's because this story did start out as a Scorbus, but I saw a call out for a 'sink your ship' challenge and realised that for this ship to rise, the Good Ship Scorose had to sink.

I'm glad you saw that. The relationship went out with a whimper and not a bang. Just that final straw, that one time too many of being treated badly and a person standing up for themselves and saying no more.

Writing Scorpius' transition into a new love paradigm was not the easiest for me, but I applied that tool of authors - empathy. I tried to figure out how I would think and feel in the situation that he found himself in and moreover someone who had a different emphasis upon what he found attractive. I hope that I was successful and that it didn't come across as too forced.

Yes, that is the nature of the tradgedy and of writing angst. You let the reader think that the tradgedy is going to go one way, it nearly does, but it also goes in another way completly too. In the end it might have been better if he had not managed to save Albus, but at least it did give them a year together that they might not ever have had.

Thank you so much for your kind and wonderful words.


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Review #13, by banshee Once More

17th May 2015:
You definitely had me the second you said Scorpius/Albus (weirdly becoming an unexpected OTP, so..) but I just opened this up and kind of want to reach through the computer screen and hug you.

Seriously, I've been staring at your review (and many others. yikes.) ever since you posted it, and re-reading it and having no idea what to say to reply.

Except for illogical keyboard smashes and ugly crying noises, most likely what this is going to be, I'm gonna try to write a review now.

I love all of the details you put into this story. In the beginning you really put the reader right into the scene with Scorpius waking up and getting ready, and it all flows so well together and doesn't feel just thrown in.

He mentally berated himself for thinking 'fluffy cloud' and corrected himself; cumulus - what a nerddd I love him♥♥! You seriously have to know that nerd!Scorpius is like MY THING. (insert ugly crying noises here.)

Aww... Scorpius pining for Rose (and being friends with Albus who defends him, but we'll get back to that) was really bittersweet. I love that he compares it to the protagonists in his books, how the typical start of a "love hate" story doesn't quite happen the way it does in real life.

Seeing him smile, though, when he seems to push himself into the "over it" stage makes me kind of curious as to where the feelings all were. *moving on* Either way, it's nice to see him grasping that she seems stuck in her ways and that his feelings are more than misplaced. It's sort of sad, though, since Rose seems to be pushing away any chance she'd have at even a friendship, romance aside. It really does give a realistic touch to the story, and her characterization, though, especially him seeing something else in her look towards the end. I love when characters have blunt and rash flaws like that; it makes them more interesting to read.

Rose had never had the touch with other creatures that he had - lol, maybe with other humans, too? hahah.

further accentuated it by cutting her hair short -headcanon fulfilled. Seriously. As a girl that recently took a clippers to her bushy impossible hair, I always think that Rose would do the same. #weirdanecdotes

I love Albus and Scorpius' friendship. I feel like it's just so easy between the two of them.

He was beginning to believe it was personality as well as looks that were the deciding factor for him - yay :D

I feel like Scorpius' trains of thought he goes on are really typical of a young person trying to understand their sexuality. It's definitely a relateable moment watching him sort of 'catch himself' thinking about it more and more as he's coming to understand and accept his own feelings. Admitting it to yourself is a huge step and I really like the way you wrote Scorpius doing it.

I liked how you used the Hipogriff lesson and - heh - sort of showed us what could have happened if Draco hadn't decided to be a dumb dumb (in the 12+ language version) and ruined the lesson.

a;lskdfj their blushing and little smiles are so cute. (I warned you. keyboard smashes.)

and then you know a DRAGON because we just can't have our fluff and that's it :D That was super suspenseful and when you warned me about the angst I definitely went 'worst case scenario' in my head and panicked a little. (a lot.)

Nothing like an attack from a dragon to get you to admit your feelings, though.

Angst. I love it and I loathe it. Because a YEAR later and Scorpius is still in the hospital!? Because I want to be all 'awww' and happy for Scorpius and Albus being together, but also oh my god, that's a long time, especially when you think about the fact that it's a magical medical facility. And then Albus having Dragon Pox, and still visiting Scorpius. (very ugly crying now.)

But... the end is so bittersweet! MY HEART. I love that, through everything - and literally, like, everything you threw at them, my god - they still stuck together.

This was incredible. Heartbreaking, and incredible. I can't even begin to thank you enough for writing this, and can't put my praise into words. This was such a great story; I feel like you developed the characters and their world so well in it just being a one-shot.

Amazing work! Thank you so much for writing this!

(yikes I wrote a lot.)


Author's Response: Hi there.

I'm sorry that I have taken so long to respond, but all these reviews fo what was something out of my normal range have just been so wonderful, that every time I went to resond, I was lost as to what to say.

The virtual, monitor hugs will bolster my confidence and I shall soldier on and respond.

I like Scorpius. I like the range of character that is possible with the son of Draco Malfoy. My particular take on the character is smart and upper-class and introspective. He is reserved and has read a lot and hope does spring eternal.

That's what has been happening with Rose. He has hopped for years that his relationship with her would turn the corner, but she has not had a clue. I wanted to explore what it would be like if he just had had enough one day and realised that there was something else that should have been clammoring for his attention all along. Rose at the end has probably a niggle of a doubt that she just might have gotten used to the status quo for too long, sut she has left the chances for anything better just a bit too late.

You ask where his emotions have been, I didn't make it so clear in the first version I posted, but from your words (and those of some others) I have re-written it slightly so that it is a bit more clearer that they were there all along. Like a lot of young men in that position, knowing what society and suposed normality is dictating that he should be thinking and feeling; he has squashed down any 'improper feelings'. They have lain dormant under the surface, so that when the love for Rose evaporates, it lies there in the soil just waiting for nourishment to grow and bloom.

My own son never had the struggles that the boys in this story do. He was gay from the get go, and with a gay uncle and tollerant parents, he never really had to struggle and conceal (that much). But I took a bit of this from an experience with a friend, one whom I thought had had a similar easy time of it when he was younger. He laughed at me and said, oh no, he'd struggled with it, finding the things that he was supposed to be attracted to just didn't do anything for him, but as time went on, other things began to intrest him more and more.

Everything in my story switches over very quickly, due to the nature of the short story format that I have chosen, and I hope that it's not too sudden.

I thought the Hippogriff lesson would be a good counterpoint to illustrate the difference between father and son, as well as being a good point upon which to turn the plot. Those cute smiles and endearing glances could have gone on for a long time, but as you say, there is nothing like calamity to force one to confront ones feelings. And a dragon attack has to be up there in the calamitious stakes.

I deliberately obscured the ending, trying to confuse the readers as to just whom was in the hospital bed, and unfortunately, in this first draft, it appears that I have been too successful. It is Albus in the bed dying from the dragon pox and it is Scorpius, half burnt who attends to his slowly dying mate. In the re-write I made it a bit clearer at the end.

I'm glad you liked it and thanks for such a wonderful review.


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