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15 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Infinityx Brother's Blood

4th July 2015:
Hey Kat! I'm here to review your entry for the Second Person challenge.

First off, I really commend you on using this entry for so many different challenges. That's a really great thing and to manage so many different elements in 500 words is amazing. Bravo.

I love that you've chosen to write a fic about Dumbledore. He is a difficult character to attempt and you've managed to keep him in character as well as write in a manner that suits the mood of the story. That's just lovely. :)

This is short but packed to the brim with details. It's incredible that you've managed to bring in so many aspects of Albus's life, from his family to Gellert to Tom, and they flow so well, too! The repetition of the theme of blood in different manners does wonders to add to the creepy, angsty element of the fic, and I love the way you've described each part of it.

That bit about Albus killing Gellert was an interesting twist. I'm not normally one who likes to deviate from canon (unless it's an AU of course) but that fit the scene that was building up and I like the way you've written it, especially with the recurring theme of 'brother's blood.'

Second person has worked well here. It serves to give a more introspective tone to the fic and helps gain a lot of insight into Albus' thoughts. What would make it even more powerful would be if you'd gone into Albus' feelings at the time because second person really helps bring those out and affect the reader. But since you wrote such a short chapter that probably wasn't possible, and you've done an amazing job with the PoV considering the length of the fic!

I absolutely love the writing style you've adopted here with complicated sentence structures that are so right for Albus' character. I know how difficult that might have been but you've done a brilliant job with that! :)

I'd love to read more of such a theme and in second person so if you ever write something of the sort, drop me a message and I'll check it out. Thanks for entering my challenge! I'm so glad I got to read this. :)

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Review #2, by tangledconstellations Brother's Blood

20th June 2015:
Hey!

Swinging by for BvB Review Battle :)

I haven't read any of your stories in a while, so it was good to have a look over your author's page again!

This was really powerful, and really well written. I really like the length of this; I think it works so well as a shorter piece because it makes the impact a lot greater and makes the words you have used that much more cutting. This was just such a powerful, bitter and painful piece - in the best possible way. It was packed with emotion and I could feel Albus' regrets. I felt like I was inside his mind, along with this hissing voice that reminds him of his worst decisions. This was so good though. The tone of this is really effective, and, coupled with the visceral descriptions of the blood, and the scathing tone of voice, really transported me as the reader.

Even though we weren't really in a location, if you know what I mean, I feel like you've told a story here and have built up more about Albus' character. I love looking at the darker side of his character - the things that he perhaps didn't do right. Or maybe he did ~ who is to say?

Anyway you've got me ruminating on Dumbledore now xD but this was awesome!

Laura xxx

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Review #3, by 800 words of heaven Brother's Blood

20th June 2015:
Heya! I owed you a review swap from the beginning of May (procrastination is my middle name) so here I am, finally, about three years late.

I haven't read an Albus and Gellert story before, mostly because they're a bit rare, but also because they're always sad and well, sad stories make me sad. This was a lovely change for me though, despite all the angst.

Second person is always a little challenging to write for me, so I'm impressed with what you've done here with Albus. It fits the mood of the story really well - I can imagine Dumbledore just berating himself for being such an idiot about first Gridelwald and then Voldemort.

It was interesting that you chose to focus on Grindelwald and Tom in this. Whilst they're both similar in many ways, their relationships with Dumbledore are just so vastly different that it's never occurred to me that Dumbledore would consider them the same way. It's almost as if it isn't Dumbledore and Grindelwald, but Grindelwald and Voldemort who are the true brothers in blood in this way.

Thanks for the lovely read, and I am so sorry once again for being so late with my review.

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Review #4, by patronus_charm Brother's Blood

18th June 2015:
Hey there, here to review your second entry! I was excited to see that you were using a banner I made too, but donít forget to add in the credit in the story info ;)

I really enjoyed this again! It definitely wouldnít have thought of writing about this from the banner as I thought of a more next-gen vampire horror story, but I really loved your take on this and how you tied it into the story as that worked really well. Speaking of that, I really liked your language here as it was used really well with all the wonderful imagery and metaphors so well done for that!

Dumbledoreís characterisation was really interesting here. I think the second person POV really helped as it allowed a more reflective angle to be taken where he was much more self-critical meaning we got to read some really interesting thoughts and reflections. I liked how he was almost dogged by this guilt throughout the story as it really makes you realise what a complex character Dumbledore really is.

Another thing I liked was how you compared Gellert and Tom Riddle. I have seen them compared before but thatís usually in the sense of both of them being really evil and not Dumbledore being wracked by guilt, so I thought that was a really interesting element. I did quite like the twist of Dumbledore killing Gellert as usually Iím a canon fan, but you really described it well and highlighted what a deep bond they had had before and how hard this must have been for Dumbledore to do. Again, a lot of what ifs were asked about if Dumbledore had killed Tom Riddle as I really liked that element.

Another great story! :)

-Kiana

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Review #5, by CassiePotter Brother's Blood

12th June 2015:
Hello!
This was a brilliant story. I think you did a really fantastic job getting into Albus's head, and showing the regrets that he had for a lot of the choices he made when he was young. I could really feel the bitterness there, and the sadness, too. I loved that you focused of his relationship with Gellert first, but also continued to talk about Tom Riddle. I never thought about the outcomes of those relationships being so similar, and I loved that this story made that connection. I also really enjoyed your use of second person! I thought it worked really well in this story. And you did it all in less than 1000 words. That's really amazing. Nice job!
Hufflepuff, House Cup 2015
Cassie :)

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Review #6, by SunshineDaisies Brother's Blood

12th June 2015:
House Cup 2015 Hufflepuff

Hey! I'm glad I got to come read another story of yours! Second person is my absolute favorite POV, and I think you did a really excellent job with it here. It's a really difficult perspective to work with and it takes a lot of skill to use it as effectively as you have.

I also really admire your ability to write such emotion in so few words! The every word counts challenge amazes me every time. I can never get it down quite far enough! Once again, the technique was very effective here. As the challenge says, every word counted and made an impact. I love concise writing, personally, so I really enjoy when every word packs a punch.

The characterization and story itself was wonderful as well! There was so much emotion packed into it. It almost felt as if it were Albus speaking to himself with a bit of self-loathing. It certainly brought the reader into his perspective. It shared his shame and his guilt, and I think you did it in a really subtle way, which was wonderful!

Great work!

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Review #7, by LadyL8 Brother's Blood

12th June 2015:
Hi There. I'm here for the House Cup.

Wow. This was just amazing. Wow. I don't even have words. I just loved the second person's narrative - it's been growing on me lately and you definitely didn't stop my growing love for it - and I love the reprimanding tone (like a 'why couldn't you just have seen that, Albus' sort of thing). It was great to see you drag Voldemort into too. I've read some pretty good stories about Gellert and Albus, but none of the have mentioned Voldemort. So I liked that comparison between the two, of Albus having been fooled twice, one time by each of them. I kind of feel bad for Albus now, which is quite the feat as I don't actually like him that much. But you did make me sympathise with him, so good job on that.

And the language. OH, THE LANGUAGE. Sorry, I'm a little excited, HC and all. Wow. That was just amazing. You're language is just... I don't have words. It was amazing really. So as you probably can tell, I absolutely loved the story. I'm amazed you managed to do all of this in 500 words. That's talent, right there. Loved it!

Hugs

Lotte

House Cup 2015 - Hufflepuff

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Review #8, by Roisin Brother's Blood

12th June 2015:
OH MAN, that ending was so perfect. I really respect the way you introduced the idea of Blood Brothers at the beginning, then turned it into an ending like THAT. So, so striking. Well done!

The whole 'blood oath' thing is something which I also think really suits both of them, partly for being the age they are, for the intensity of their relationship, for Gellert's nefarious edge. That that happened is totally my headcanon now.

The language throughout was really stunning, and I commend you on packing so much into such a short story.

BRAVO
xoxo
Roisin

House Cup 2015
Gryffindor

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Review #9, by maskedmuggle Brother's Blood

12th June 2015:
Hey!

Wow I can't believe that was 500 words, because I felt like I just read a story that was 1000 words - in a really really good way - your words conveyed so much, and I learnt so much about Albus in your fic here. I thought it was such an amazing idea how you showed that he had made a mistake once, and still made the same mistake with Tom. It's hard learning from your mistakes, but this was great in highlighting his flaws, and highlighting his values too - in seeing everyone in a positive way and giving people his trust. The idea of blood, and being brothers further made the whole story really connect together. This was such a powerful one-shot, and I enjoyed reading your writing!

- Charlotte
Ravenclaw House Cup 2015

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Review #10, by Dojh167 Brother's Blood

5th June 2015:
I really, really like this.

I'm glad that you stepped up to this challenge and really cut down your story. I don't know what you had to remove, but what you were left with was really powerful and strong driven.

I'm glad that you resisted the temptation to make Dumbledore noble. The paragraph where he lists his flawed secrets ("You'd hide it with the resentment...") was extremely poignant.

The brother metaphor was really well used here. It had the hint of ambiguity about it because we expect it to be connected to Dumbledore's real brother, but the fact that Dumbledore doesn't even consider Aberforth compared to Gellert says a lot about his character.

I generally am nervous about Dumbledore stories because he is so hard to keep in character, but I think that you did a really good job with him here, through the balance of his guilt and the formal tone of language you used. I especially liked when he referred to himself as "wise Dumbledore." It very powerfully reflected how he knew others thought of him processed through his own harsh self-loathing. You also add a whole new level of darkness to Dumbledore's character by having him wish he had killed Tom, but you keep it from feeling out of character by keeping him grounded in his guilt.

The one thing that took me out of this story was when you described Tom as blonde, when in the books he is described as having jet black hair.

Again, I think this was really well done. Obviously you aren't going to always edit out half of your word count, but I think you should remember the success of this piece and that sometimes words are most powerful when they are concise and direct.

Sam.

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Review #11, by Chivalrous Brother's Blood

4th June 2015:
Hello Ireland here for the Bronze vs. Blue Review Battle!

I'm in awe at the fact that you managed to write a brilliant story in 500 words! I could never do that!

Setting aside the fact that it's only five hundred words, this story is so well-written. I myself am not really a second POV kind of writer, but with this story it just really made it. Somehow it drove the points home harder than it would've in any other POV.

I also don't usually read a lot about Dumbledore, but I was feeling quite adventurous today and it was well worth it!

It was very interesting for me to see inside of Dumbledore's brain since in canon we never really see a side of him other than "the wise mentor" side. And you wrote it in a beautifully twisted way.

The things you wrote made it easy to see how Dumbledore's choices in life affected him and changed him. It was easy to see how he grew and changed and developed as a character in this story and even canon! Which is so crazy, because it's only 500 words!

Sorry I keep stressing that, but it just blows my mind that a story this good is only five hundred words!

So bravo and hats off to you, Kat, because you did an amazing job!

I loved it!

Sincerely,
Ireland

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Review #12, by Slytherin Eagle Brother's Blood

1st June 2015:
Hello!
Writing quality was good, not much to complain about there!
I like the way you took the challenge and made it into your own, you have written it really nicely and everything flows. Your story fits the criteria for the challenge, with a few tweaks that challenged my concept of the original idea that I had when making it.
I particularly enjoyed your se of the words 'fool' and 'foolish'. These aren't words you usually see related to Dumbledore, so that was refreshing.
Thanks for entering the challenge!

Lea xx

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Review #13, by looneylizzie Brother's Blood

15th May 2015:
Kat!

So, I'm here for our review swap! (like two days late, sorry!) I know you linked to Founders' Four, but since I'm already reading those for you...I decided to give this one-shot some love!!

Wow...just...wow.

THIS IS SO AMAZING!!

Let's see...FOUR challenges, huh?

Banner Challenge: NAILED IT! I wouldn't have come up with such a good story using that banner, so congrats! I'm seriously impressed with what inspiration you drew from the banner, and I really think you represented it well within the story!

Angst Challenge: NAILED IT! 'nuff said. It's angsty, it's heartbreaking, and it's enlightening. I'm actually looking at Dumbledore in a whole new light now. I kind of refused to see his dark side in the later books, but you've definitely represented that well here! I think it can be so difficult to write such a likeable and honest character who seems to do no wrong. It's even harder to write such a character with such deeply rooted flaws. Way to go!

2nd Person POV Challenge: TOTALLY NAILED IT! This is probably the biggest strength I see in the story. First or third person would have definitely been very good, but I think it's the 2nd Person POV adds a whole new layer that makes it so powerful in my eyes.

Character Death Challenge: NAILED IT!! What someone might think in between life and death could be many things, but regrets and mistakes that Dumbledore made have clearly been eating him up inside for years! You did such a good job of representing that here!

Anyway, looking forward to reading more of your stuff Kat, I'm sure you'll hear from me again soon!

LL

Author's Response: Haha, yeah. Thanks, I'm really happy you enjoyed this, and I hope I do well too. I haven't written for many challenges, so hopefully I'll do well in at least one.

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Review #14, by TreacleTart Brother's Blood

13th May 2015:
Hello there!

I'm here for our review swap!

This was a really interesting take on Dumbledore. We've seen a lot of the guilt and dysfunction that he harbors towards Gellert in cannon and I've seen that dealt with in fanfiction before as well, but the idea that it might tie into his treatment of Tom Riddle is really unique. I'm not sure I've seen anyone do that previously.

I think the 2nd person POV worked pretty well in this, although I will say that usually I prefer a lot more description with 2nd person POV. Since you're trying to pull the reader into feeling like the character you are writing, I think it helps when everything is very vivid and fleshed out. I know that you are capable of doing that and understand that you chose to cut it down for the every word counts challenge, but it's just a personal preference of mine.

I found it interesting that Dumbledore killed Gellert in this version. We know in cannon that he actually captures him because Gellert is in prison as Harry's story begins. I don't, however, feel that it's much of a stretch to think that Dumbledore might have killed him. After everything that Gellert put him through, I think he would actually be quite justified in doing so.

The fact that you've included so many challenges into this one story is quite impressive. Trying to use so many prompts can often lead to a story that seems very contrived, but not this one. It was handled quite well.

Good luck in all of the challenges! Good work!

~Kaitlin

Author's Response: Thanks again, I actually didn't know he'd captured Gellert, I don't remember reading that. I thought it said in canon he ended up killing him, and that's how he got the wand. If Gellert actually wasn't killed...man, you gave me another idea. Gosh, stop, do you realize how insanely crowded my head already is??? Too many plunnies, not enough time to complete them all!!! GAH!

Sadly, it was hard to include my normal descriptive level with the word limit, but I tried to do what I could. I hoped it would play off more like it was telling him the events in this one, reminding him all over again of everything he did wrong.

I'm glad to see all the prompts didn't muddle it up too much, and thanks again for another awesome review!


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Review #15, by TearsIMustConceal Brother's Blood

13th May 2015:
Hey there!

I knew I had to read this once I'd seen it and I'm really glad I have because I loved it! And I think it's a feat in itself that you've managed to include it in around 4 challenges! That must have took some hard work!

But the hard work definitely paid off!

This story was so well written - your writing is beautiful and powerful. Albus' narration is strong and I can almost sense the bitterness in every word, his shame that someone as brilliant as he was, was taken in by Gellert, drawn into his power and charm.

I especially love the part about Tom Riddle. I don't know why, but I've never ever thought about Albus really having any guilt about how he turned out but thinking about it here, the way you've described, it does make sense - he could have stopped him and in turn, stopped the whole first wizarding war. I loved both examples of how Albus cold have saved lives if he would have acted sooner - I also feel as though Dumbledore always had a weight on his shoulders and it makes sense that all those lives lost would be the reason.

Anyway, everything about this is just amazing and strong! I loved it all and I hope it does well in all it's challenges!!!

-Vicki

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review, and I honestly don't think it's as good as it would be, considering I had to leave it at 500 words, but I'm glad you like this! I actually hadn't thought about any of it either, it just sort of formed as I wrote, and it made more and more sense to me as I mulled it over. I'm glad you enjoyed!

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