Reading Reviews for Unravel.
53 Reviews Found

Review #1, by HermyLuna2 Millicent.

9th October 2015:
Millicent is such a weird character. I mean in the books she's portrayed as really butch like, I sort of imagined her as a younger version of Trunchbull from Mathilda. But in fanfiction, she is always portrayed as part hag and shunned by everybody, and secretly very emotional about it. Not sure what she will be like here.
I thought the first sentence was a bit bland and obvious, but it fitted well with the ones that followed which were very good. Not sure what it has to do with Millicent so far but it keeps me definitely hooked.
So far I think Millicent is out of character here, unless her tough exterior in the books is to cover up her weak and sensitive inner life, but honestly, the Millicent of the books was not given very much depth or personality whatsoever (or she didn't seem to have, maybe JK Rowling surprises us on Pottermore).
Rules seem to be a common theme in your 'Unravel' series - especially rules created by parents for their children. I like how you made Millicent unlike the others, good-natured, although she is like the other two in the sense that she obeys and never questions her destiny.
*There was no line between good and evil in your world. You were floating in a different dimension of your own, with merely your body going through the usual motions accepted by society.* are stunning sentences. You really have a way with words, and I am always very impressed by that in stories, because I think writers taking the risk to express themselves, carefully craft their sentences and how to convey emotion and developing their own style are things that are not easy at all, take some talent but moreover a lot of dedication.
*You couldnít help yourself at the age of 10 when you wrung your catís neck as she came and pressed herself against your thigh*. Oh Jesus! That was completely unexpected and perfect. Maybe this Millicent is in character after all. Pastel! That you gave this cat a name is so heartbreaking, and it's greatly unsettling that Millicent is oblivious how abhorrent her deed is.
She hated the beast and they taunted her so it's okay in her book, or in one of her alter ego's book. That her parents said nothing about it is just bizarre, and makes them more interesting as characters as well.
I LOVE how Draco is afraid of Millicent. That is hilarious and so true to the books I think.
I absolutely love the perspective of Millicent on the duel with Hermione. It makes a lot more sense with this kind of explanation.
I like how you made Millicent, this minor character, aware of everything, from Voldemort's plans to Harry and Dumbledore's journey. Normally I would think this is Mary Sue-like, but this fits with Millicent's psychosis, and it would be Mary Sue-ish of canon if only Harry was aware of what was going on anyway. Not sure who is talking to Millicent but I reckon it is herself.
In the end, this surprised me because Millicent turned out to be very in character yet have depth. Absolutely great fleshing out of a minor character you did here!

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Review #2, by HermyLuna2 Blaise.

9th October 2015:
OOh, Blaise. I just love Blaise, he's my favorite Slytherin next to Severus. Anyway, he is exactly as I pictured him here. Exceedingly arrogant which makes you wonder what made him that way.
It was a surprise that you made him gay, and I like that Theodore is the, uhm, 'lucky one' here.
I don't think Blaise is concerned about BLUSHING though. You could have maybe described how people usually don't notice it, or that even through his dark skin the redness becomes visible.
I really like how Blaise described how his feelings for Theodore came to be; not sweetly like the blooming of a flower or plant but like fire, dangerous and supposedly sinful. I'm not sure if I imagined Blaise to be poetic. Sometimes it feels the excess of it doesn't suit him, but in the end, I think he might definitely have a poetic streak.
I feel pity for the Beauxbatons girl, who thought Blaise was genuinely interested in her when he just used her as a way to conceal his true self to the outside world. But at the same time, she probably thought of Blaise as the same kind of trophy as he considered her to be. Also, with all the pressure Blaise is under, you understand his behaviour. You described the scene wonderfully - it totally captures Blaises despair about being bisexual/gay as he is portrayed as failing at being hetero. I like how you used the veela saying as a young wizard's expression of how hot a girl is. I always like it when people at stuff like this - it makes the story feel more authentic and true to the world that JK Rowling created.
I wonder if Blaise is bisexual, since he apparently used to be excited by women but not anymore. I would have liked to know more about it, whether he only thought he was hetero, or whether he really liked those girls but they just paled in comparison to Theo.
It makes the situation even more sad that he felt he 'had' to tell the experience to Theo. That Theo, without knowing it himself, applauds him for being hetero. For not being with him. If he only knew! But that is Blaise's fault, obviously. His fault for taking what (he thinks) society wants from him to heart.
I especially find the sentence interesting *your eyes bore into my like the devil* (mine but that's just a small mistake). I wonder if that's only because Blaise doesn't want to be gay or also for another reason.
I love how Blaise's despair about not loving girls like he used to is clear from everything. He can't stop thinking about it and yet he doesn't think of anything he can do about it. That is very sad.
The sentence about the Dark Lord left me very conflicted, I thought Blaise was selfish at first for comparing his own unrelated problems to those of others, then I thought it expressed well how he felt. I always like it when sentences leave you feel conflicted, that is very good in my opinion.
The last lines about Blaise's mother are minimal information-wise but they do show why Blaise feels like he has no choice. And it also explains why his upbringing might cause him to be drawn to the wrong, dangerous persons, since he hasn't really known real love.
I absolutely love the last sentence, it captured all of Blaise's despair. Good oneshot.

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Review #3, by HermyLuna2 Pansy.

9th October 2015:
Hi, I am really sorry that it took four months to get to this review. Four months! Anyway..

I like that we already get a clear idea of what Pansy is like from the first lines. She seems calculating, maybe a bit OCD. It looks like she inherited or was taught this way of living from her mother. All feels forced and mostly concerned with presenting a perfect view to the outside world, as is a common trope about Purebloods in fanfiction. I am not sure if Pansy's parents were as classy as say, the Malfoys. I had the feeling that Draco always considered her to be a bit beneath him, but that could also have been because of her behaviour. That said the Parkinsons are part of that sacred twenty eight list though.
The mantra you created for her is really good and brings this oneshot more to life.
I like the idea of Draco noticing anything about Pansy, sadly, I don't really think it is anything close to canon, which I do not really have arguments for, this is just my feeling so feel free to ignore it. But teenage boys, especially immature, arrogant, self-centered ones like Draco, do not have the best reputation when it comes to perceptiveness and sensitivity. However, I think it's really in character how you made him talk down to Crabbe and Goyle while highlighting his own importance. That's such a Draco thing to do.
And I can TOTALLY imagine Pansy calling Draco 'Drakey Poo'! The horror! However, the way I imagined it, it wasn't because there was a marriage arranged for them. However, you created a very consistent personality for Pansy here, in total control of herself, and it fits with the story. Maybe this was also the reason why she was such a mean bitch to the Gryffindor characters.
I like how you described Pansy's eating habits and other quirks in detail. It really helps making her an unique, more realistic character.
You described the scene of Pansy in the bathroom really beautifully, very well done. She seems really mad at that point in the oneshot, making calculations that seem to have no point whatsoever. Her neurosis totally takes over when she is left to herself. While making Pansy or any of the other Slytherin girls have an eating disorder seems to be quite common in fanfiction, I like that you have made it fit in with her upbringing and personality type. However, I would have liked to read more about how she feels about it. I think we did not got to know a lot about Pansy's feelings in this oneshot, while there is a lot of potential to explore them further, but maybe you have done that in Sturm and Drang which I have not read yet.
I like that you gave an explanation for Pansy's seemingly mindless following of her mother. It's a bit clearer now what she hopes to gain from it. Still, it is not clear why she has never doubted herself, why she dismisses her father's advice so easily, without stopping to think about it. Maybe it's because he seems a bit hypocritical, he married her mother, probably for other reasons than her small waist, but for reasons he doesn't tell Pansy either.
Very interesting. I like the ending. You repeated the mantra nicely, predictable but it suits here, creating a haunting feel. Well done!

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Review #4, by Fonzzx Millicent.

14th August 2015:
Well this chapter was different again!

I'm not even sure where to start with this one. It's interesting to know the motivations behind Millicent, although she's not a character we see beyond the second book, which is a shame. I like that she notices everything, though. It's good to see someone like that around. Those are the people who win, in the end.

Do you really think she would have ended the Dark Lord? Would she have taken his place? Would she have killed him first, and then Harry? Millicent is keeping me questioning, which I like in a character. It means she's in my head now, and probably won't budge!

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Review #5, by Fonzzx Blaise.

14th August 2015:
This one was a much shorter chapter than the last, but again, we don't really know much about Blaise Zabini from the books. Actually, until HBP, I thought Blaise was a girl.

But here he is, being open for once (for I imagine that Slytherin's are quite private about their personal business), and I don't know if he's telling Theo in his head, or out loud, but I admire his bravery. He brings up a good point about the war though. If muggle-borns and blood traitors are being killed, what about LGBT+ individuals? How were they received by the pure blood community? How were they received by the Order? Seeing as the wizarding community in general is quite behind the times (when compared with the muggle community), I can imagine that LGBT+ individuals would be met with a certain amount of hostility.

Again, I really enjoyed reading this chapter.

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Review #6, by Fonzzx Pansy.

14th August 2015:
I was sent here by the Short Stories/Series thread in the Dobby 2015 section of the forums, and I have to leave a review. Well, I can tell you now, based on this chapter, I will not only be leaving this review, but two more on the other two chapters as well.
I really like what you did with Pansy. I never liked her much in the books, because she just seemed like your average mean Slytherin, but here we can start to see why. It must be tough, keeping up this charade of perfection, although we know that not everybody thinks she's pretty, especially not Hermione.

I do think that her feelings for Draco are genuine, although I don't think they're a good match. She just doesn't quite "get" him, and he would not understand this side of her.

I also really enjoyed the little bit of OCD you gave her too. It helps to explain the bulimia and I really did feel quite sorry for her when I read this.

In short, I really enjoyed this chapter, and I have a feeling that I'll enjoy the others too.

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Review #7, by RavenclawFTW Blaise.

24th July 2015:
Hey Erin-- back for the second chapter. (Also I recognize that you just requested the first one, but I was intrigued so I wanted to keep reading.)

This chapter intrigued me so so much-- I loved the idea of the Blaise Awareness Challenge. He's such an underappreciated character! And I love how you've characterized him and the issues you've brought up in this chapter.

He's so conflicted, so good at acting like it's not bothering him, and so condescending at the same time. His actions seem so dependent on this idea he has of who he's supposed to be and what he's supposed to believed. He seems so scared and has taken such actions to avoid detection, and I love the darker edge you've introduced by having him actually confund and obliviate the girl he's supposed to have hooked up with-- he's so driven by appearances and having the upper hand.

I love the style of first person POV addressing an absent Theo (apostrophe? I'm a few years out of AP Lang...) It conveys such a sense of desperation and passion and also shame and it's wonderfully written. Speaking of shame-- I really like how you've introduced the idea of such shame of being gay (or at least being attracted to the same gender) in the Wizarding/pureblood world.

Tiny correction-- you have an uncapitalized "I" here: "when your arm accidentally brushes mine or you gaze at me when iím talking." (Just in case you care, it's obviously not a big deal!)

I really liked how this was written, especially the contrast to the last chapter. His style is so much more overflowing and desperate than Pansy's tight control and anxiety. The one thing that kinda stuck out to me was something about the last line-- it just felt slightly awkwardly constructed. I'm having a lot of trouble articulating what felt off about it to me, but something reads odd. I think it might be the "as"-- it might be better if it were "because"? Ugh sorry that's super nitpicky but it seems like it could be better and you always want the last line to pack a punch!

Overall, though, wonderful chapter and wonderful characterization!


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Review #8, by RavenclawFTW Pansy.

24th July 2015:
Hey Erin!

So I loved this chapter!! Iím about to go read the other chapters from this story because itís a great concept-- Slytherin was always painted fairly one dimensionally by Harry and I love the idea of expanding on the students he was so dismissive of.

Okay, specific feedback about this chapter...many points in your AoC were about the writing style so Iíll address that first. I thought it was very fitting and easy to read, and I felt like I was very clear on what was happening throughout. Pansyís OCD tendencies go very well with the clipped precision of your prose. It didnít feel ďtoo strainedĒ at all, and I thought the flow was kind of intentionally disjointed. I really like the repetition in this chapter and I think youíve woven it throughout the chapter really well, and it paints such a distinct image that sheís trying to live up to.

That said, in this chapter, I think that Pansy receiving the letter could be another section rather than her reflections at breakfast, because switching the tense midway was initially slightly confusing, although it did make sense after a moment of thought. Given the structure of the chapter, having Pansy receive the letter and then breakfast being separate would work better to me and be a small change that could clear up confusion.

Then Iím interested in your Pansy both because of the new struggles youíve drawn attention to and how youíve reinterpreted what we do know. The OCD and eating disorder are very believably written (Iím lucky enough to not have experience with either, but they seemed very authentic) and the pressure to please and live up to expectations woven through very well. Her relationship with her mother seems interesting, and your portrayal of her receiving the letter was engaging.

I love how youíve painted the picture of her and Draco-- their interactions fit very well with canon, but her own thoughts about it are so much shrewder and more calculating. I also like how youíve woven in some mean/judgmental thoughts that seem in character, like when she says about Moaning Myrtle that she should go ďdeep within the sewers where she belongs.ď Itís so snide and dismissive in the middle of an intense and emotional scene, but fits very well. I think youíve toed the line of adding depth to her character and making her sympathetic while keeping her actions in line with her character from the books. (Also I love the idea of Pansy being super into fashion-- it seems like it is a great fit and a somewhat Pureblood kind of profession to go into, if that makes sense.)

At the same time, something I felt was a little bit off was the physical descriptions of Pansy. She thinks about becoming ďbeautifulĒ but the main descriptor in the book is ďpug-faced.Ē Thatís the one word that comes to mind when I think of Pansy, and that doesnít really seem like itís really communicated when sheís planning her next year. For somebody as super self-conscious as this Pansy is (eating disorders do that to a person), it seems like that would play on her mind more, especially given how she focuses on her image so much throughout the story.

Okay...hope that was helpful and not too critical? I really liked the chapter, and Iím so interested by this idea-- I hope you find it within yourself to finish up!

--J :)

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Review #9, by Felpata Lupin Millicent.

3rd July 2015:

Ok, I don't know how this is possible, but it seems that every time I try to leave you a review I write kilometers of words and then I lose the connection and have to start from the beginning again... It's frustrating...

Ok, apart from that... I loved this so much!!!
You're such a talented writer, not to say the queen of second person!!!

You build Millicent's character in such a perfect way! We hardly know anything about her from canon, yet you managed to give her such a powerful, fascinating and heartbreaking story!

I could nearly recognize myself in her at the beginning (I tend to live inside my head a lot... Does it make me crazy? Yeah, probably...)
Then you showed the abuses she was subsided by the other children, and her own moments of violence, and finally her solitary seek for knowledge and power. It all made her a unique and fascinating character that I simply adored reading about!!!

Amazing job on this! I'm in awe for your talent!!!

Have a nice day and lots of fun, darling! Happy birthday again!!!
With love,

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Review #10, by alicia and anne Blaise.

28th June 2015:
Slytherin House cup 2015

Yes! It's the Blaise part! I have been looking forwards to reading him. :D

Oh your Blaise is so dark and cruel sounding. You used your descriptions of his feelings so fantastically that I really got a feel of Blaise's character. It makes me wonder what happened to cause him to be this way.

Oh! It's Theo! Now this is exciting! :D

Your words had me hooked the entire time, as well as BLaise's thought's on Theo. I WANT THEM TO KISS EACH OTHER SO BADLY! I SHIP IT!

Oh no! That ending! I want them to have gotten together, I wanted them to be happy ever after, although I did enjoy the way that you did finish it. It made sense, there can't always be happy ever afters, no matter how much we wish there could be!

I want Theo to admit that he has secret feelings for BLaise too!

Absolutely loved this! Can you write me Blaise stories all the time?! I just want so many!

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Review #11, by ad astra Millicent.

28th June 2015:
House Cup 2015 Review - Slytherin

Erin. Erin this is amazing oh man

This is so haunting and so different to the last two stories, but so uniquely yours as well - the mental illness, again, and the chilling quality that you pull off so well, and this was next-level brilliant and so unexpected. I was expecting something that would make me feel sorry for Millicent, especially with this line Thatís not to say you didnít have any feelings. There were those times when your cousins would come for a visit, and call you names that would tear through your skin but you took this in a completely different direction.

There's something so sinister in the fact that Hermione's Polyjuice cat hair came from Millicent's robes in light of what you've written here. I don't know whether you're depicting schizophrenia or psychosis or something entirely different - I'm not an expert - but you've done it so well and I cannot get over how well second person works for this story. It's absolutely perfect. Sometimes second person POV can seem gimmicky, but you couldn't have made a better choice here. The synergy between your language and content is amazing.

This is so incredible I can't even deal

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Review #12, by crestwood Millicent.

28th June 2015:
The first paragraph is poetic. You know I love those kinds of tangents. I'm pretty sure anyone who's read two lines of my work is aware of that, but moving on... Millicent! I have never seen anyone write solely about her. I confess that I don't know anything about her at all, other than the fact that she dueled Hermione, I believe? And her cat's hair led to the whole Polyjuice disaster. But she's practically a blank slate, which I love. I know you'll make an interesting character out of her.

Wow, Millicent is unlike any character I've read before. She's sort of just going with the flow, not questioning anything. But not because she's absentminded or daft--rather she's almost just above it all. She just doesn't mind. I love that. You've gotten that across with very few words, but it's so clear and understandable.

Now, her killing her cat caught me off guard for a split-second, but then I kind of shrugged and took it in stride. I see that she cares a great deal less than I'd realized.

The voices in her head are quite frankly very, very frightening. I've got to say that her cold indifference is affecting nonetheless. I could read about her all day, the way she goes about her life. I've never thought of Millicent as a particularly powerful person, but I don't think I'll ever be able to see her as someone merely in the background ever again, unless she's only there biding time as she plots.

I cannot believe the ending. I'm truly blown away by the way you set her up as this ingenious chess-master. She keeps her head down because that keeps a target off of her back. And that makes so much sense to me. This makes so much sense. I'm seriously in awe of you. This was certainly my favorite chapter of this story. Excellent job on this!

Slytherin - House Cup 2015 Review

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Review #13, by ad astra Blaise.

28th June 2015:
House Cup 2015 Review - Slytherin



i don't even have an excuse for that i just love this chapter so much has anyone told you recently that you're an amazing writer i mean they probably have but i feel the need to reiterate

i love your Blaise. he's so cold and formal and his upbringing as a pureblood is just threaded throughout his voice, but there's such a tenderness in the way he talks about Theo as well and sweet Salazar you know how to turn a phrase. It was a gradual process, like a fire being cradled from a single flame. All I remember is when I first noticed just how dark your eyes are. So dark, they seem soulless, causing a chill to run deep into my bones, making me shudder and gasp in wonder. They are an exhilarating sight to behold - scary, yet, so unbelievably captivating at the same time. But of course, my reactions to those are invisible to anyone else; hidden deep within layers of untold secrets. You may call me a coward, a deceiver, but we all know bravery isnít a trait we commend ourselves for. your depictions of Slytherin House are the literal best and I feel so proud to be a Snake right now??

relishing her chance to show me just how intense a single encounter could be. This line is incredible. actually that whole section is incredible but I probably couldn't get away with quoting the rest. how are you so good at this


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Review #14, by ad astra Pansy.

28th June 2015:
House Cup 2015 Review - Slytherin

I can tell why you're sending everyone who dislikes SuD-verse Pansy to this story, because this explains so much about her behaviour - especially towards Draco. My heart absolutely broke for her in this and knowing that Draco will, eventually, end up with Astoria just kills me even more. I feel so so bad for her right now

I feel like you've been told this a hundred million times but your depiction of mental illness is so so good here - OCD and bulimia? and the way you've tied them both together with Pansy's relentless pursuit of perfection, the role her relationship with her mother plays in that, and the constant refrain of Pansy Parkinson. Designer. Future Malfoy. Proper, perfect, Pureblood. is just so perfect. You've lifted Pansy from canon -the way she behaves around Draco, especially in HBP - as well as SuD and everything she does makes so much sense. And her relationship with Draco breaks my heart. I would never have thought I would think this about Pansy Parkinson but I just want to wrap her in a blanket and give her a hug and say "babe you are worth so much more than this"

erin you're destroying me

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Review #15, by crestwood Blaise.

28th June 2015:
Erin the servers have given me a bit of a break, so here I am.

I love angry pureblood narrators so much. I see already why this won the challenge. 'the pungent smell of the upcoming war' I LOVE THIS. Such a fresh way to word that. Really excellent use of language there.

Blaise and Theo. Oh, my heart. There's nothing more I could have asked for. This actually so sad though. It seems destined to sink. Blaise certainly does not believe in the chances of this relationship working out in his favor.

Wow. I'm so upset. I'm not sure if Blaise is overreacting about the repercussions for being gay or not, but the fact that he believes that the world will fall down around him for it is enough to pull at my heart strings. This is not a very happy chapter at all. I'm still blown away by the quality of the writing, I must say. But also, I want to cry about this. You are so so so so good you're the best

Slytherin - House Cup 2015 Review

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Review #16, by crestwood Pansy.

28th June 2015:
hello Erin i'm starting on you now. i know you're proud of this story, so I thought I'd start here.

I'm not entirely sure yet, but I get the feeling that Pansy has OCD. Not because it's obvious from the first paragraph, but just because I wrote about the disorder in Things Change and kind of understand the tiny little stylistic cues that people tend to use when writing it. I must say that you've done so beautifully. Writing OCD can be a nothing sort of a nightmare to write for me, but I will say that it lends itself to neat little motifs very well.

Pansy's numbers are even more complicated and precise than mine. And mine are horrible and difficult to manage at the best of times. Your description is subtle, but perfect. The way you describe the parchment is so much more detailed than I probably would have went, but all the better for it. I love the idea that her mother is pretentious about parchment and incredibly punctual. That really fits in with my headcanon of pureblood parents.

The combination of OCD and eating disorders.. I'm not certain how common it is, but it makes a lot of sense to me. I'm not sure how to explain it, but I think it was a masterful move to include that here.

Her interactions with Draco make me kind of uncomfortable. I think they were supposed to. It didn't seem like a genuine, healthy relationship and I'm not sure if it's really even a relationship at all honestly. You've definitely caught my attention with that scene though.

I wish I could write like you. I can't manage description like this! And Pansy's voice is so well established. And her repeated mantra has every effect you could wish it to have.

I love your assessment of pureblood culture. I love your commentary on being a young woman. I love it all. You've incorporated so many themes here and it's all so excellent. You're amazing.

Slytherin - House Cup 2015 Review

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Review #17, by adluvshp Pansy.

27th June 2015:
Slytherin here for House Cup 2015.

Oh no, this was terribly heartbreaking =( I didn't realise I could feel bad about Pansy so much. I really sympathise with the poor girl. You've characterised her very well.

I like how you described what she goes through. The way the entire narrative showed how she had to be in control of every little detail, from the number of steps to the number of pieces of apples - it's such a methodological life she is leading. Even the glimpse we get into her relationship with Draco shows the routine, the effort, the methodology.

I did not expect the ending bit - about her having the eating disorder. It was very sad and made me feel for her. The self-crticising, the constant emphasis on looking good and comparing herself to her mother. It made an interesting insight into her mind.

Great descriptions, amazing flow, and very powerful narrative. Good job!

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Review #18, by bittersweetflames Pansy.

27th June 2015:
Hi, Erin! I've already left a review for the last 2 chapters so I'm here to review the first one. That sounds a little loopy but there you have it. Anyway, I love the way you write Pansy in this. A glimpse into her brain is like taking a look into a kaleidoscope -- you find it interesting but you almost have no idea what exactly is going on. But, of course, there's a certain sense of beauty to it. It IS a sensitive topic, what she's suffering and while it's certainly unhealthy, you don't treat it as though it is disgusting. The way you've written everything, I cannot help but feel a sense of pity for her and a desire to help her.. People like her need help and sometimes it's so sad to think that they never realise they do. Pansy is on a path of self-destruction and, you wonder, for what exactly? Is it even worth it, Pansy? Do you really need to do this? In the end, it isn't. Nothing ever is. Wonderful, as always, Erin. :)

House Cup 2015 - Ravenclaw

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Review #19, by ginnypotter242 Pansy.

27th June 2015:
I like that you chose to do background on Pansy. We never see much of her in canon, other than Harry's (and somewhat Hermione's) rather biased thoughts. So, seeing a story about her is new, and I like how you wrote her.

The way you described her thoughts was great. I liked reading her thoughts, and I thought you described her OCD really well. You described everything in a meticulous fashion, just as she thinks. You described her thoughts perfectly and I really enjoyed reading this.

I never thought I'd feel sorry for Pansy! She has so many expectations heaped on her, as a pureblood, Malfoy's betrothed, and everything else. There's so much pressure on her! You handled her eating disorder really well too. I love your descriptions! They go along so well to Pansy's thoughts, and it's almost as though I'm reading her actual thoughts. I can imagine her saying and thinking all of this.

The repetition throughout of "Pansy Parkinson. Designer. Future Malfoy. Proper, perfect, Pureblood. " just ties the whole story together. You did a great job writing this story, and I love how you wrote Pansy!

~Sara (Gryffindor, House Cup 2015)

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Review #20, by Frankie05 Blaise.

27th June 2015:
Hello :hugs:

Here for House Cup 2015 - Gryffindor

I love this story. It's so well done, and deeply delves into the thoughts of some Slytherins that aren't as appreciated. This story broke my heart. I feel you did a compelling job writing from the viewpoint of someone who feels something that is against the wishes of the majority. It vaguely reminded me of homosexuals during WWII with Hitler. It just broke my heart.

There was a line that gave. me. chills. "But now, it doesnít matter whether the girlís a blood traitor or not. What matters is, she isnít you." I wanted to cry at this. I hate that he feels this way, and can seemingly do nothing about it. As he said before, they weren't known for their bravery. You have a great way with words. I am enjoying going through your works!

Keep it up:)

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Review #21, by jessicalorewrites Blaise.

25th June 2015:
hey! jess here, reading and reviewing so that I can (finally lol) get the results out for the diversity challenge. the results should be out within the next couple of days so keep your eyes peeled over on the forums!

I love the way you use this chapter as a way for blaise to address theo nott. it feels so personal and intimate--almost like a love letter it's that beautifully written, filled with souring imagery and brutally honest emotions. I'm so emotional over this unrequited love--or at least, unrequired as far as we know. the moment where theo was recounting his adventures at the yule ball I just felt my heart drop for poor blaise who had to sit there and listen to it all, knowing in his heart how he felt and feeling forced to tell similar lies just to save face.

speaking of that was a very clever way of really making blaise's emotions clear. whilst he was talking about his sexual encounter with the girl I had the feeling he was lying or exaggerating and then that was confirmed, but the little tidbit about her actually being a veela and him confunding her rather than sleeping with her... well, that just topped it off. it was so clever and was written into the plot so well. I've thought about women being attracted to veela before but never about men NOT being entranced by them. this was a really really clever thing to consider! props to you.

I find the ending lines about how he would end up the same way as his mother's dead husbands if she ever found out he was gay very eerie. they leave the reader with this horrified sense of terror and I /wish/ I could say that I think he's exaggerating what his mother would say, out of fear, but I get the feeling his mum WOULD be like that and wouldn't take kindly to him not having a 'true' heir in the future. blergh! I was glad you included these bits though as they speak of the homophobia that I'm sure was as present in the wizarding world as it is in the muggle one.

again, really great chapter ♥

favourite line/bit:
"but now, it doesnít matter whether the girlís a blood traitor or not. what matters is, she isnít you."

- jess, xo

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Review #22, by jessicalorewrites Pansy.

25th June 2015:
hey! jess here, reading and reviewing so that I can (finally lol) get the results out for the diversity challenge. the results should be out within the next couple of days so keep your eyes peeled over on the forums!

insane levels of detail went into this story I am honestly astonished. you wrote it with meticulous precision only rivalled by pansy herself. I truly felt like I was reading her very thoughts since you captured what I imagine it is like to have ocd perfectly. every move she made was carefully planned and carefully measured. every tiny little thing: from food to the exact timings. and to top it all off, she can do this, maintain this crazy level of control she has over herself, whilst making it seem like nothing is amiss to those around her. it's kinda sad tbh. she's so alone.

I like the context you gave the pansy/draco relationship with her being forced to get in his good books so that he'll see she really will make the perfect wife. even though they're in a betrothal agreement (which doesn't go through in the end! hm, weird, I would love that to be explained more. bc of astoria obviously.) she still feels the need to simmer and be the proper, perfect pureblood her mother has raised her to be, or else she may face the dreaded consequences.

her dad at the end though aw ♥ it's comforting that at least SOMEBODY is looking out for her health and fitness. even though he's premusably used to both his daughter and wife being incredibly thin. I guess I'll never know if pansy does end up listening to her dad or not though...

most of all I really love the layout you have for this with each chapter being one for each minor slytherin 6th year. I think it's great and so intuitive! I've been thinking of doing one for gryffindor and this has spurred me on to really start planning it because you've done this so beautifully I love it.

favourite line/bit:
"pansy parkinson. designer. future malfoy. flawless beauty. proper, perfect, pureblood."
I loved the repetition with this!

- jess, xo

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Review #23, by patronus_charm Millicent.

24th June 2015:
Back again for the final one! And wow this did take a dark and disturbing turn (though in a good way, donít worry!)

I really loved your description here as it really helped build up the eerie side to Millicentís character because all the references to the stars and the sky kind of made the reader aware that Millicent wasnít like anyone else and that she was different, albeit in a not so good way. I really liked the second person POV here too as it really helped create this mysterious air to her as it was detached yet still linked to her and that created a cool dynamic.

The moment with the cat was terrifying! Iím quite interested in the psychology behind serial killers and an awful lot of them harmed animals when they were younger, so it was kind of telling how twisted Millicent was going to end up being if she did that to them then. In a way I liked it because she seemed like quite an unassuming character so it was interesting to read, but on the other hand I just wish she was a bit sane as that was just weird what she did.

Hmmm, in a weird way I kind of felt sorry for her too with the ways she was on her own and she was mocked by the Slytherins as thatís never a fun position to be in. I also liked how she was the original rebel against Malfoy as she realised what he was capable of. Hmmm, or maybe they realised what she was capable of and thatís why they stayed away from her?

The ending was terrifying! If she is smarter and more patient than Riddle I dread to think what sheíll end up doing as it doesnít sound like a pleasant world to live in! Anyhow, I really enjoyed these three stories as they really did provide a new take on these three Slytherins.


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Review #24, by patronus_charm Blaise.

24th June 2015:
Hey again!

Aw this just read like one of the saddest love letters in the world! I really, really loved this glimpse into Blaiseís mind as I will have to admit his one of the characters I do tend to forget about but this story definitely made me notice him a lot and make me think that there could be a lot more to him as a person. I thought you wrote him really well and really engaged with all his thoughts and emotions and I felt as if I had really good sense of who he was as a person by the end which is impressive given how short the story actually was.

I really loved the idea of him being in love with Theo as it was just so sweet and fitted so well. You could just tell with everything Blaise said that he did genuinely love Theo but then that meant everything he said just had this added level of pain to it because he and the reader both knew that pureblood society probably wouldnít be tolerate of people who were gay which just makes it so sad. :(

This line - If she knew my secret, I would probably end up like one of her husbands. Ė really highlighted that because a parent should care and love their child no matter and the fact that Blaiseís mother wouldnít was heart-breaking.

Another thing I found heart-breaking was when Blaise was talking about being with the Veela and how it meant nothing to him because all he wanted was to be with Theo. That just made me all feelsy because even though it was adorably cute, it was so sad too knowing that it would probably never happen and that he had to lie to all his friends about what a great time he had with her.

I really loved this and if you wrote a version of this from Theoís perspective I would love to read it because I am intrigued about whether he likes Blaise or not.


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Review #25, by patronus_charm Pansy.

24th June 2015:
Hey there Erin!

The level of detail you went into in this chapter was really interesting as it almost felt like we got an insight into Pansyís mind from it. She was very meticulous in all her observations and she really developed the backstory of everything which almost made me think she didnít have much going on in her life if she could spend all that time thinking which was kind of sad.

ĎAs soon as we graduate, Mother and Mrs. Malfoy will begin planning our wedding.í Oh poor Pansy, she really is kind of delusional. She really doesnít seem to grasp anything and the way Draco treated her so coldly meant nothing to her as she just carried on pushing and pushing him. I donít really blame him if Iím honest because if I was called Drakey-Poo I wouldnít be too happy. :P

The repetition really tied in well with the bathroom scene because it was kind of like a mantra throughout but at first I just thought it was just some delusional thought she had but it wasnít until she went to the bathroom did I realise the true power of her words. Even then she didnít seem kind of aware of what she was doing to herself if that makes sense? It felt almost like she was just living by the mantra and not realising at all that she was causing great harm to herself.

The end was sad. I really hope she takes advice from her dad and realises what sheís doing to herself but it seems as if her mother has loads of power over her so Iím not getting my hopes up.

Great story!


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