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Reading Reviews for Equal Measure Good and Bad
  
71 Reviews Found

Review #1, by TheEmotionalTeaspoon The Curse of the Stonehenge

12th May 2016:
Hello there, I'm back at it again with the forum reviews!

So first off, great chapter! I like how you set the scene for this story with a really intriguing event, you've got me wondering what's going on here.

I also really like the idea of Draco as a healer, and the way that you explained how he views his job as a form of penance. I think, with all the awful things Draco's seen and done, he could either go down quite a dark road, or slowly start to heal (if you'll forgive the pun) after the war. And I think some sort of atonement would definitely have a part in that healing if he was going to make peace with himself as a person and all that happened. So in that way, Draco being a dedicated healer and taking pride in looking after people makes perfect sense. (And, in my opinion, makes him a pretty attractive sort of character, I hope we see more of him and his relationships!) I also liked how you interlinked his story with what was going on with Harry and the curse breakers.

Also, the little passage about the muggle tweeting the event was pretty funny, I had a giggle at that! (I also like the idea of Hermione and other characters being on twitter)

One thing I noticed was that, in places, you used phrases like "does not" and "we are" in speech, and I think it would sound more natural if you abbreviated words to "we're" ect. because generally, I don't think the characters would have spoken like that unless it was a really formal situation, or they were emphasizing something.

Overall, I think this was a really interesting start to the story, and I really enjoyed how you got into it straight away. I think because you've established what's going on so soon, readers are gonna be super intrigued to see what happens next. Personally, I'm also really interested to see whether Draco's path might cross with Harry or Hermione's.

Thanks for requesting this review, it was a great read!

-Kate x

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Review #2, by Felpata Lupin Opening Moves

3rd May 2016:
Hello, Penn!
I'm finally here with the first review for our swap (will get to the second one tomorrow)

Wow! There was a lot of tension in here! I held my breath throughout the whole chapter, especially when Demelza was cursed... That was so scary!!! I could totally feel everyone's panic!

Poor Fenly... The way you described his dead body, and then the scene of the burial, made me think of Dobby... But I guess you were aiming to it. It was so sad, in any case. :(

The mistery keeps growing... and the plot keeps getting darker... so many things going on, so many elements to put together... Who organized all this? And why? I want to know!!!

And another bit about the Hallows revealed. I love that you included the Cloak too. This is always more interesting!

Poor Draco. Of course they would be reluctant in trusting him, but it's still sad that he'd be treated with so much suspect... Even if I have to admit, I wouldn't like it much for someone to wander inside my head, indipendently from who the someone is... Demelza was quite brave to accept.

I liked to see some familiar faces here. But I have to say, it felt a bit weird that the squad of Aurors was all made of Harry's schoolmates, mostly Gryffindors more or less his age. I would've found it more believable if you'd put in a couple of original characters as well... But maybe it's just me...

Great chapter, as always!
See you soon! ;)

Much love,
Chiara

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Review #3, by FireOpalQueen The Curse of the Stonehenge

3rd May 2016:
Hello there, Kshitij!

This is Kapa, here for our review swap!

I’ve actually had this story on my ‘To Read’-list for a long while, and now our swap has given me a reason to finally get into it, yay! In this chapter you set a very intriguing scene for the story to come, which is exactly what a first chapter should do, isn’t it? You have a good feel for dramaturgy and making the story flow well. Starting the chapter off with the POV of a muggle works well to set the scene, and I can’t help wondering if Dr Brady will show up again. (I hope he does.) The way you jump between different POVs and showing how no one knows what they’re dealing with really builds suspense in a very effective way, and I just want to read on to see what’ll happen next. And there is, of course, the image of the restored, obsidian Stonehenge that looms creepily over the whole chapter and sets a very ominous tone that I’m sure will reverberate for the whole rest of the story to come.

The only place where the story flow breaks is when you introduce Draco into the story. I realise that ‘good guy Draco’ can be a bit of a hard sell, but the secret to hard sells is to not come on too strong. You don’t need to spend several paragraphs to assure the reader that Draco has changed – just the fact that he’s working as a Healer goes a long way to show that, and after a certain point of going on about how he’s changed it feels a little like ‘the lady doth protest too much’. I actually think you can trust your readers to come to believe that Draco has changed when you show his ‘new self’ over several chapters, rather than having to force them into buying it immediately. This is especially true as you generally seem to have a firm grasp of the characters we all know and love, even though this chapter is more plot driven than character driven. I also like that you made Dean an Auror, it’s a way to populate the minor roles with characters we know, which helps make the scenario feel ‘lived in’ so to speak. The only thing that seemed a little out of character was Hermione calling Ron ‘Ronnie’, which seems unnecessarily condescending, as we’ve never seen her call him that before and his brothers only did when they were teasing him.

All in all it’s obvious that you know where you’re going with this story, and this chapter lays the groundwork for what promises to be a very exciting tale. However, the execution isn’t always as good. I see you’re from India, so I reckon English isn’t your first language either? (Mine’s Swedish!) Your English is generally really good, but here and there your phrasing is a little awkward (as with “a strange foreboding entered him” instead of, for example, “he felt a strange sense of foreboding” and “He espied Bill Weasley twirl his arm” instead of something along the lines of “He spotted Bill Weasley twirling his arm” ) or abrupt (like with “It was no longer a ruin”, instead of, say, “Except it was no longer a ruin” or “But now, it wasn’t a ruin”). You also often use very formal language, which works well in the narration, where it gives the story a feel of weight and importance, but not as well in dialogues. Two examples of this are Dr Brady thinking that his sweating in the rain is “mighty strange” rather than, say “really weird”, and Draco saying “The outlook isn’t so bright for them” instead of something like “It doesn’t look good for them”. Because of this I’d suggest getting a beta reader who can help you make your phrasing as good as the story it’s there to convey.

A beta might also be able to cut down the text mass a bit – there are a few repetitions and over-explanations here and there, like “he looked at the structure in front of him. // In front of them stood the Stonehenge” which break the forward motion in the narrative and adds bulk to the story that can make it unnecessarily daunting to read. (And lastly a beta can find the little typos and things that a writer miss in the heat of writing, like writing “Don’t wake up” where it should be “Don’t wait up”, forgetting to make a new line between “Harry chuckled as he looked at Bill.” and “Hermione turned to look at him” and missing the quotation marks around “AH!”.) You also make a few consistent grammar mistakes, mostly when it comes to your using (or failure to use) commas that a beta reader could help you with.

I’m sorry if this review comes across as just listing a lot of pretty minor mistakes – the reason I do is because I believe this story deserves to be the best it can be, and that means sweating the small stuff. Because, as I said, this was a very interesting chapter, and I’ll definitely keep reading this story to see where you’re going with this and what the curse is all about. Like Harry I have a bad feeling about this…

All the best,
/Kapa

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Review #4, by adluvshp Body Blow

30th March 2016:
Hey Kshitij. Sorry it took me so long to get to you but RL and work has been crazy lately (i always say this, don't I?). Anyhow, I read through the chapters and yet again I'm here to review this last one (as I unfortunately don't have the time to review the previous). Hope that's okay =)

I am absolutely loving this story. Your plot continues to thicken and the way you develop the characters and their life stories is just marvellous. The idea of going through the "fountain" - from the house elves to the centaurs to the goblins - it's an absolute genius and I can actually see this happening in a canon post-war setting too. What is remarkable is the way you've portrayed this all, the seriousness of the situation is heavy through the narrative, and the way the suspense is woven is brilliant.

I really enjoyed reading the whole conversation about banks. The way they explained the lending process in the Muggle world and why it doesn't work that way in the wizarding world, and how they're trying to rectify it by making a deal with the goblins - all of it made perfect sense. Whoever is behind this has certainly plotted well - killing the goblin leader to make sure the deal doesn't happen and to turn the creatures against them.

I'm also very curious about why the goblin "mob" just disappeared like that since you've stressed on the point that it's not normal. Something much larger is at play and the way you continue to paint that underlying mystery while keeping the MCs on their toes is nicely done.

The little details in the story continue to make me feel for the characters as well, such as Ginny's pain and Harry's comfort/concern for her, as well as the soft exchanges Ron and Hermione have. I am loving the role Draco plays here and how you write him. It's true to character and yet fits in well with the scenarios.

All in all, I'm very excited to see where the plot is headed next and how the story shapes up further. I am going to keep following it so please do continue to badger me when you update and want a review xP I may not do it right at that time but I will get around to it, I can promise you that!

All in all, you've a brilliant story on your hands here and I absolutely love your style of writing. Very precise and yet with good descriptions - you give in enough information to inform but with hold enough to keep the readers intrigued. Great job!

10/10
cheers
Angie (Lose Muse)

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Review #5, by Dirigible_Plums The Curse of the Stonehenge

13th March 2016:
Hey,

Could it be - oh, yes it is! It's Plums with your requested review! I am here at long last.

This is a very interesting start to your fic. I like how you've included the Stonehenge. It's such an ancient site that it's almost perfect for anything mysterious or magical or both in this case. What you've done with it is intriguing. Since you mentioned concerns about whether someone would read on, I can safely say the mystery around what has happened at/to the Stonehenge is enough to keep anyone wanting to find out more. :)

As for the characters, you've managed to stay true to them. One thing I quite liked was how you could still see a bit of the teenagers we knew, but maintained an aura of professionalism since they're on the job - and a serious one at that. In particular, I liked Draco's portrayal the most. I've seen a few fics that have him as a Healer, but what I think sets you apart is how your portrayal hasn't simply reformed - he's using his old knowledge to do good.

Since we're on the topic of Draco's scene, I would like to slide in that this line really stood out to me: 'While it continued to hammer the barriers, it did not cease to ravage the part that it could.'

My main critique is having so many voices in one chapter. It's not a crippling decision since this is written with an omniscient third person narrator. However, I did find myself almost distracted by the number of perspectives in the chapter.

Hope this helps!

Plums xo

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Review #6, by Felpata Lupin Conjecture

9th March 2016:
Hi, Penn!
Finally, I'm here with your requested review. Please, please, please, forgive me for the lateness...

Also, I hope you don't mind if I jumped to chapter 6, instead of reviewing chapter 4 like you asked. I had read chapters 4 and 5 already. I was "The ox and the donkey". I suppose you didn't notice my coming out...

Shall I start with a little CC, so then I can focus on how much I loved this chapter?
It's about format. You know, all the space between a paragraph and the following (I know that it is a bit difficult to manage it when you copy in paste, because some space is added in by default, but try to be careful about it...) Also, in dialogues, I think it would work better if you started a new line anytime a different character talks. It would make clearer who's saying what.

That said, let's talk about the chapter!

I'm so glad we're finally understanding what's going on with the Stonehenge! I'd been wondering what was the link with the Elder Wand and what Patronuses had to do with anything and why the curse was casted to begin with. Now everything makes much more sense! And once again I need to congratulate you for your creativity. :)

Side note. What you said about Azkaban and how the dementors' magic works and their effect remaining attached to people even when they're not in contact with them anymore is just creepy! Thinking of poor Sirius, now. And Hagrid. Actually, all people who ever were locked up there. I've always thought it was horrible, but your interpretation of it is even worse! Thankfully, dementors have been removed from the prison now!

"Past events had proven to Harry that plans worked only on the drawing board and it was best to leave them there." Loved this line! And Ron and Harry discussing of all the crazy things they'd done during DH and how this new plan is even more dangerous than all that! :D

They've managed to solve things, at least partly. Which is good. But, what now??? The Dark Mark??? What's going on??? Does it have something to do with Goyle's menaces?

Brilliant work, as usual! This story is really amazing!
Much love,
Chiara

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Review #7, by Gabriella Hunter Body Blow

9th March 2016:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums here with your review and everything! :D I hope you take a peek at a few of my stories too, this was an enjoyable swap!

So, more and more trouble is happening for our heroes , it seems. I think that you're doing an excellent job of keeping it going though, the suspense and tension that you have happening is really great.

I think that this chapter was well-paced and you get a great ominous feeling from the very beginning with Harry's dream. Tom Riddle is the LAST person that I would want to be dreaming about but it would make sense that Harry would still be haunted by him. It makes it feel like Voldemort never really went away and add that to the craziness happening with his case, you just get the shivers.

I also really like that you continue to give us great examples of how Harry and the others are just normal people. He's worried about his wife, tired and a little cranky just like anyone else would be but I think that Ginny's unusual behavior will make sense in time. ;)

I hope that this mishap with the goblins doesn't cause any animosity between Draco and the others though. They were moments when you could tell that they were regressing back into that comfortable hate, even though his anger was justified. The clues were all leading to something awful happening and now that this goblin mob has started, I wonder how much time they have left before things get worse.

I'm kind of annoyed at Kingsley though with this, he should have let them know about his plans to make some sort of peace with the goblins. It all backfired and now they have a mob on their hands, thanks to our villains and he STILL doesn't want the public to know? This is getting out of hand and they might have to go over his head to solve this case.

This was a great chapter, your flow is great and your characters continue to have amazing depth. :D

Thanks for the swap!

Much love,

Gabbie

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Review #8, by Gabriella Hunter Escalation

9th March 2016:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums here with your review and all that! It's been a while and I'm so sorry about that. Life was such a wreck for a minute and I couldn't really do much. ;__;

I'm not sure what's going to happen next in this story but that's one of the reasons why I love it so much. There are so many great little twists and turns happening in each chapter so we're never quite sure what's going to happen next. The world you created is much darker than some of the others I've read but I enjoy a little bit of that too. Hahah. I write mostly angst so I never shy away from gore or anything like that. :D

The violence that you included was well-placed though and I liked that you didn't immediately fall right into it. Hermione is a great way to open any chapter though and we get some great exposition through her and it was great seeing Seamus again. He seems rather sly, which is something I have never seen of him before but I liked that! Working in a sleazy pub can do that to a person, I guess. Hahah.

What's great here is that we see that the group is still friends with a few people from school. OF course, age has brought around some changes but you don't spend a lot of time on the obvious. Neville being shook up and still having an interest in plants after all thsi time, was a great nod to canon though but man, poor guy!

I was worried about what was happening with the centaurs though and that memory was gruesome. Who on earth would do such a thing? I like the added bit of culture you gave the centaurs too with the Rowan tree. The significance of it was clear and the fact that two of their leaders there was very insulting but came across as very genuine.

Now, Kingsley wanting Hermione to be the next Minister? I didn't expect that! I wonder what she'll do about it and how she'll tell the others? Also, I hope that pill Ron gave her doesn't kick in right when the action starts. Haha. Seriously, though, this is a major plot development and I hope you continue exploring it.

Now, onto Draco! It's very interesting to see him facing off with someone from his past. He's changed so much but reading a scene with him and Zabini just really made that clear. Zabini is everything that Draco COULD have been and the fact that the other man is up to something quite sinister just makes me appreciate your writing. The glaring differences between them were very well written and the increasing danger that's hinted at just wrapped this chapter up nicely. :D

Thanks for the read, I'll be back!

Much love,

Gabbie

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Review #9, by Felicia Talansa (you know it) Body Blow

6th March 2016:
please write further at this pace, you make me wait too long for the next chapter =D

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Review #10, by Felicia Talansa (you kow it) Escalation

1st March 2016:
Mr. Penn, from where do i begin?
the sweet and caring husband Ron who slips Hermione sleeping pills (in muggle-terms) and also the antidote, shows the grasp on the character.
and the confrontation of Draco with Blaise and deducting that he is involved with Goyle, very nice =D
so the far story is good and each chapter adds up the anticipation of who the wandmaker could be?
thank you for embarking on this journey (of continuing the story, the time leap is perfect), potterheads like you and myself never want the wizarding world to sit idle now, do we?
PS. i always wanted Hermione to be enthroned to the ministry. thank you again =D
#honestfan

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Review #11, by Meleessuhh Musings

25th February 2016:
Hello again! I'm here for chapter three.

I have to say, I really like this story. The relationships are realistic particularly because they're adults now and it's nice to read. I loved the chocolate frog card that Ron found, I laughed at the description. Ron is more than just comic relief, he's actually pretty smart so I like how you're portraying him.

Oohh Goyle, I figured he hadn't changed. He's so rude. But nice touch!

What is Ron wanting to talk to Draco for?? I love how you've weaved a lot of the HP Universe into your story while still having original ideas. Very well done! :)

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Review #12, by princesslily_36 Hearts are broken, Lives go on

24th February 2016:
Hello Mr. Penn! I'm here for the review swap!

I usually review a chapter as I read it so that I don't forget to mention anything, but this chapter, before I knew it I had reached the end of it.

You've built up the suspense really well... and I quite liked it! I remember enjoying the first chapter immensely, and marking it to check out the other chapters. Unfortunately I've not been able to return, so thank you for giving me a chance to.

A lot more happens in this chapter and the story seems to be moving along quite nicely, and at a good pace. Your flow is quite good and the whole chapter reads very well. you have managed to strike a good balance with dialogue and description so that's more points for you :D

The characterizations are my favorite part of this chapter. Every character is exactly how I would expect them to be Next-Gen. It's really tough to get all the Hogwarts Era characters bang on because we know so much about them! There's always going to be one part that the reader feels is off, but I didn't feel that at all when I read your fic.

I loved all the little details - like slipping in about Ginny being abducted by Horcrux, Ron's tummy, Ron and Hermione bickering slightly, Harry and Ginny's relationship dynamics. I thought all of that was very well done!

When I was reading, at first I thought something had happened to Arthur or Molly... and I was glad to know they were okay... but George? OH NO! What happened to him? You'd think all the troubles would be over once Voldy went Mouldy!

Great job with the chapter, and can't wait to read what happens next. Do feel free to request in my reviews thread once a slot opens up (otherwise I'll never get around to reading this in the near future :( )

~Ysh

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Review #13, by Meleessuhh Hearts are broken, Lives go on

23rd February 2016:
Hello again! I'm back for chapter two :)

Well I'll start out by saying that I like how far ahead this takes place in their lives. It's not the typical post-Hogwarts/Next-Gen story and the way you portray their relationships is great. It's not realistic to assume that the couples would be perfect this far ahead; after all, they have their kids and their careers and are probably in a strange rut. I like how Ron is pudgy though ;) haha

What does Goyle want? I like that Draco cut off ties with his old friends. I never considered him a bad guy really, he just did what he was told to because he figured that was easier. But are Narcissa and Lucius still together?

Ginny's nightmares make sense. She has always been portrayed as a strong-willed individual and I'm sure she would have a hard time talking about her past. And I love that Bill is in your story, he's an unerated character.

But what happened to George?? He's one of my favorites so I hope he didn't die, but is he going to make an appearance soon?

You flow well and I'm excited to read the rest! I like where this is going :)

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Review #14, by Lee Jackson The Curse of the Stonehenge

23rd February 2016:
What a first chapter! Phew! A lot happens in this first chapter, but it's easy enough to follow. I like the careers you've assigned each character, especially Draco as a healer.

I love where this story is going - there's a lot of action, and I love it! It's incredibly addictive. I really want to go on to the next chapter now. You know what, I will go on to the next chapter now. Well done on an awesome first chapter!

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Review #15, by Felicia/youknowit;) A Break in Pattern

2nd February 2016:
Never thought you could really take it this far. the anticipation of reading the next one goes on =D

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Review #16, by Finn A Break in Pattern

20th January 2016:
Pet peeve.when a good story is started and left hanging.write.

Author's Response: Sorry Finn for the long delays. Health and real-life not really allowing for anything else. Another chapter shall be up soon. Thanks for your support. :)

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Review #17, by Freddie A Break in Pattern

19th January 2016:
I have read all eight chapters and I am hooked. You have thought through a complicated plot. Hats off to you. write more I hate waiting for posts.

Author's Response: Thanks Freddie and I apologize for the long wait. Real life and Health not really allowing for anything else at the moment. Another chapter shall be coming soon though.

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Review #18, by Meleessuhh The Curse of the Stonehenge

15th January 2016:
Hello! I'm here for our multi-chapter review swap

I loved the opening scene. I felt the narration shift every time the scene changed, and in the opening scene I felt as if I was watching a movie (if that makes sense, like the Muggle's life was being narrated). It set the rest of the story up very well. I really like that he wasn't just a Muggle, he was a very smart Muggle who got duped by Stonehenge.

I love how Bill is included, he definitely doesn't get enough love. And the scene where Harry told him to show Hermione the tweets actually made me laugh pretty hard :)

I think Draco's scene was done well. I like him as a Healer, him knowing about that type of Dark Magic makes sense, and he is smarter than he comes across. He seems to be heading in a good direction.

Overall I think this is a great first chapter. It flows smoothly and there's a lot of mystery (how are curses broken anyway?). I'm really intrigued and can't wait for the next chapter!

Author's Response: Thanks Melessuhh for a great review. I am really really sorry for being so late about the review swap. Just that health and real-life has been keeping me really busy of late. I promise I shall do one today before I sleep and will do another one for free because of my tardiness. :)

I really wanted to get the effect of the movie, not just in this chapter but in my entire story. Like you are in the midst of some great thriller movie and you see flashes of action from the POV of different characters. Thats something I have tried to do throughout this story.

Draco is my star in this story. No doubts about that.

Waiting to hear more from you.

-Penn


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Review #19, by alicia and anne The Curse of the Stonehenge

10th January 2016:
Huh, that's weird that Tom Brady is having trouble nearing Stonehenge as though something is stopping him and it's making him sweat. Oh no! That's not good being sent away when he was so close. :(

Ooooh! Harry is there and Dean!

Can I say that I adore the fact that you have made Stonehenge have some sort of magic to it? If there's anything that's going to be magical, it'll be Stonehenge. And if Bill Weasley is involved it's got to be major magic!

I really love the idea of Draco being a Healer, like he wants to do some good in the world after everything that he had been through.

Ahhh! Twitter is in this! I love the idea that Harry and that know what twitter is :P

Ahhh! I need to know more about this curse and what's causing it, it's got to be something horrendously dark! I am going to have to continue reading this definitely. I'm so intrigued and hooked already, you've done a fantastic job on this first chapter and I'm excited about what's coming in future chapters :D

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Review #20, by Mr. Holiday Elf. The Curse of the Stonehenge

29th December 2015:
Why, Hello There! Me again! Sorry for the wait just got lost and had to take the long way around.

But, yes, now to the point. Stonehenge!! I've always loved that ruin, you should of seen it in the glory days! But oh what marvelous magic seems to be happening to it!

Now don't take me as a supporter of the dark arts, but I am quite the admirer of spell work of any kind. I mean, look at those curse-breakers! Waving their wands and all, Magnificent!

Though, it is a shame that some had gotten hurt. I was almost afraid that our good friend bill had almost gotten hit. But. We have Draco and the Gang on the case! I'm sure they will solve it!

But ooh. Harry has a suspicion, is the curse connected to Voldemort? I wonder...

But, Alas the time is short again! I must get going, but fret not my friend, I'll be back quicker than a Swedish Shortsnout!

Yours Truly,

Mr. Holiday Elf.

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Review #21, by The ox and the donkey Puzzles

7th December 2015:
Hello, Mr Penn.
It is us, the ox and the donkey, come to keep you warm in this December frost.
And for Advent calendar day 6, we'd decided to check this engaging story you have here.

This chapter was surely heavy. A lot of answers, but still so many questions. We are really curious about what will happen next.

Draco Malfoy has changed a lot, but it is obvious that the Trio has still some trouble trusting him, especially Ron. We know he's always had the most trouble letting go of a grudge.

The way you built the chapter, your use of the diaries, of codes and ancient languages was very intriguing. We also appreciated to see how the group worked together on solving the mistery. Great brainstorming.

We are a bit sad for the poor rabbits... As animals ourselves, we find quite unfair the choice to sacrifice the poor things to save those people... But we can see it was inevitable.

We are still a bit confused? What do Patroni have to do with the Elder Wand? What occurred to the curse-breaker exactly?

Now we really have to go, a lot of other people need our warmth around here. But thank you for sharing this lovely story with us.

Happy holidays.
The ox and the donkey.

Author's Response: Thanks the ox and the donkey for an amazing review. Anonymous reviews are often real exciting and I have to fully agree here. :)

Draco has truly changed in my story arc. Sort of a redemption mission for him.

The sacrifice of the rabbits was sad but necessary. As I explained, it needed a living object to absorb the dark magic from the arms.

Thanks for taking the time out to read my story. Hope you come back someday for more.

-Penn


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Review #22, by Gabriella Hunter A Break in Pattern

6th December 2015:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums here with your review and I am so sorry that this is late! I really hate never giving you guys your reviews quickly but real life was such a pain and then I got backed up on my own writing. I hope you can forgive me!

It's been a minute since I've read the last chapter and I had to go back and check over some things before delving into this one but it seems like this is just getting pretty complicated! I feel like every time I think I know what's going to happen, something else completely derails me. It's really good writing though because you pull us along on a great ride, I like being able to guess what might happen next and being wrong isn't so bad sometimes. Haha.

I will say that the dynamics you have for the couples is very good. Harry and Ginny come across as very affectionate and strong while Ron and Hermione have more depth to them than I've seen. I really like their relationship in particular because it's not full of bickering and angry words, you can see how much they care about each other. They truly balance one another out.

When it comes to the mysteries surrounding their culprit though, the plot thickens. The centaurs are up next? What will Kingsley do? He seems at a loss right now and I just have this strange feeling that things are going to happen too quickly for him to stop. I do hope the gang figures it out though and we got more details and revelations here, I think there were too many for this one chapter but you can easily spread them out in the next one.

Power Portals sound very dangerous and why on earth would anyone want to make another Elder Wand?! If this person is a foreigner, I just have to think that they were a supporter of Voldemort during his reign of terror. It's gotten me really curious though and just as a side note: I think that adding Hermione's trauma was excellent. For some reason, people always gloss over the fact that she was tortured at Malfoy Manor but I thought her conversation with Astoria and the healing that followed was beautifully written.

Speaking of healing, it was nice to see the Weasley/Potter clan. I like all the detail you added into the scene but I honestly believe that a few things could have been left out. It kind of disrupted the flow a little but other than that, you've left me with another cliffhanger! What does Draco know? I have to find out!

Thanks for the read!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Thanks Gabbie for another great review. You have been one of the first people in the forum to take an interest in my story and I always look forward to reading what you have to say about it.

I know there has been a huge gap between the two chapters and I am sorry for the same. My story lost direction for a while but its back on track once more. :)

I always love to keep the readers on their toes and its great to know I am doing it so well with this story. After all, the greatest fun of life is the unknown, isn't it? ;)

It's true I have devoted quite some time exploring the dynamics of the various couples, especially Ron and Hermione. Somehow it seems, not many people are fans of this pairing, never understood why. Ron is the best person to balance the obsessive and overly-virtuous streak of Hermione with just a dash of common and wizarding sense.

Kingsley has been Minister for nearly 23 years now and he was also an auror before so he has an idea how the dark side works. His job is to simply plan. He can't execute this plans into action. Also, this was the first time he got an actual briefing about how everything stacked up. Also remember this is just the third day since the cursing of the Stonehenge. But you are right, a lot is happening at too fast a pace.

About Hermione's trauma, I really find it strange that not many people look at it more seriously. She was tortured pretty roughly and it had to leave some marks on her psyche.

Again, I wanted to give the feeling that although on one side, everything is going downhill for Harry and the rest, life is also moving at a steady pace. That life has both good and bad moments. This was also a huge theme in this chapter for me and I tried to address that.

About Draco, well you shall just have to wait and watch now, won't you?

Thanks for a great review Gabbie and hope the further chapters continue to keep you this interested.

-Penn


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Review #23, by Augurey Pleur A Break in Pattern

5th December 2015:
Hey nice flow after your last chapter, but I was waiting for some major news to drop! Ahh, not we must wait. Draco knows something... Really want to know who's behind all this. I have a suspicion it's George, which I realize makes no sense, but you could make it work! So please make George kinda-evil-but-actually-really-lost-and-hurt.

Kinda confused why Ginny can't smell? Is that what you were implying in that scene? If that's the case, why wouldn't she just tell Harry? Also, that scene was adorable but weird. I was like "Are they... going to do it while drinking tea? Kinky." hahahaha.(Are you uncomfortable yet?)

Astoria's character is really cute and nice, and I'm hoping to get to know her better. Hope to see other sides to her, like she's hiding a secret? or she has a secret agenda? Actually... that gives me an idea. *makes a note*

One last thing, and I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but you should request for someone to help edit before posting. Honestly, I find this helps me a lot because I learn to see the things people point out and I actually get better from their feedback. I noticed you're getting better with the grammatical errors, but they're still some there, which is distracting as a reader. Think about it? :)

Overall, nice work! ~Ether.

Author's Response: Hello Ether and thanks for another great review. :)

Hehe.. That's an interesting theory Ether I must say. :D

Nah they weren't gonna do anything. Just wanted to show the serenity in Harry's life at the moment.

Astoria is a simple woman who is trying to keep herself together in a real tough time.

About your CC, don't be afraid of offending me Ether. If you have taken the pains to go through my entire story and supported me through it , then you deserve to tell me where I go wrong as well. About your suggestion, I have actually found a beta :) and she will help me from the next chapter.

Thanks for staying with me for so long and I hope I do not disappoint you Ether.

-Penn


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Review #24, by marauderfan The Curse of the Stonehenge

2nd December 2015:
For the HPFF Advent Calendar Day 3

Hello! Wow, what an electric start. This is so intriguing and I'm dying t know what's going on at Stonehenge! I liked how you started with a Muggle POV, it kind of reminded me of the opening to Goblet of Fire with Frank Bryce.

I can't even say how much I love Draco as a Healer! I'd never thought about it before but seriously, new headcanon. Of course he'd be really good at it, having experience with dark curses and things, and it'd be good for him too as helping people get better probably helps him deal with his guilt of being on the wrong side in the war! Ah! I love this.

And wow, this was just an offhand thing about the Muggle sending tweets about weird happenings at Stonehenge and someone seeing it in America - this is so realistic (I mean once you get past the idea that it's a story about magic haha) because in this day and age that's a thing a Muggle would do - and it made me think about how increasingly difficult it must be for Magical authorities to keep the existence of magic silent, when social media transmits things to thousands of people instantly so one slip up can really be a risk of alerting the whole world. This has given me so many ideas and I kind of want to write a fic about it now haha!

So yeah anyway, I'm really curious as to what's happening and I love the start you've got to this. I think Stonehenge is typically referred to without a "the" preceding it, but that's kind of a minor detail. This is a really interesting story so far and I'm glad I stopped by!

Author's Response: Thanks Kristin for an amazing review.

Compared my writing to the Queen herself! :hug: :)

I guess it just made sense to me that Draco was a Healer. At least in my headcanon, he is on a redemption mission and so the job as a Healer made the most sense.

The muggles sending tweets seems real plausible to me. I mean we tweet about anything and everything today. Stonehenge becoming complete and gleaming black is a big thing.

Thanks for all your praise Kristin and I would love to hear what you think about the rest of the story too.


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Review #25, by Fare thee Well Musings

2nd December 2015:
Normally I am a Ron/Hermione fan but after Hermione so easily blows off her promise to Ron and how both of them suspect she is lying to him as soon as she says it I can't support it in this foc. My advice Ron is to divorce her as soon as possible and find someone who can hold up their end of a relationship.

She's just a terrible wife.

Author's Response: Well Fare thee Well. That's an interesting solution I agree. I might take up writing a fic about how their divorce would turn out to be.

Coming back to my own novel, well they are having troubles in their personal lives because of her schedules. She is too busy for him and both of them feel the strain of it. Let's just hope it works out well for them in the end. :)

Thanks Fare thee Well and I would love to read what you felt about the future chapters too.

-Penn


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