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Reading Reviews for Through the Veil
  
13 Reviews Found

Review #1, by heartjily4ever Beyond the Veil

11th July 2015:
This is the review for the Terry Pratchett Quote Challenge, as my username is different from on the forums so I thought I should let you know.

First of all this is a lovely idea and you've used the idea of the quote really well, it fits beautifully to the idea. I've never actually read an afterlife story on here before so it was a nice change from my usual reads, and Sirius is one of my favourite characters so it was nice to see this from his perspective.

I was gripped by this idea of this plain room, obviously very different from the whole Kings Cross that Harry experiences, but its an interesting take. I love the line "polite coldness of a stranger" in describing a bed sheet, its really interesting way of describing something as mundane as that. The icy burn of the door is unusual, and I'm a bit unsure of why it wouldn't open for him, or what they were waiting for, for James to enter. Was it simply to let him have time to think?

The section of him looking less worn, slightly younger, like he hadn't been to Azkaban is a lovely part. Especially with his eyes showing everything he's been through - it's beautifully written as well, and I personally think it's good for Sirius to see himself in what he would have looked like without the disaster of Voldemort, in some sort of reflection of his goodness. It seems like some sort of gift after all he went through especially, so is nice.

James is the perfect person to meet him of course, and it's great how you've captured the close, still almost joking around with each other nature of their friendship and interactions, as it would have been when they were younger. I like how Sirius does think about going back as a ghost, doesn't just immediately decide to go on with James, as he does care about Harry and Remus etc and I do think leaving them would be a hard decision for him so it's good that he thought about it.

The section on remembering the little things is a nice way to bring the piece to a close. It's pretty to read as well, good to think over the details of moments which are very important to living. It was good quote placement as well, fitted seamlessly into the paragraph. You are a really amazing writer, clever and so engaging as well. I think you've written this so so well, and the quote was a perfect choice ( I can't really remember if you chose it or got it by random but either way it was a perfect match ). It was so nice to read and I thank you for entering the challenge.

Frances

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Review #2, by patronus_charm Beyond the Veil

18th June 2015:
Hey there, here to finally review this for my challenge! :)

I really enjoyed this! I thought Siriusí characterisation was really great as you really got his emotions and thoughts spot on with the way he just couldnít accept what had happened to him and he was just trying to reject it and reject it even though he knew he had died. I think the first few sections were really moving as he was just so lost and just floating around almost, you just wanted to anchor him so he felt more secure.

Another thing which was really moving was seeing how much Remus and Harry meant to Sirius. They really were his adopted family almost as he no longer had James or Regulus so the fact he didnít even get to say goodbye to them really crushed him and it was just so sad. It did make me ask a lot of what ifs about if he survived the battle and I imagine the three of them would have been a very sweet little family almost.

James was so wise! It was so strange but I guess being dead for that period of time does give you a lot of time to reflect about the meaning of life and make you more at peace with the world. I did like the afterlife aspect of the story as all of them, James, Lily, Regulus and Sirius all died too young so it was nice to see they got a second chance of life. Another thing I really loved was how James and Lily took Regulus in so we could have a good life in his second one and be with people who would love and care for him and that was very moving and sweet.

Great story and thanks for entering the challenge!

-Kiana

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Review #3, by Felpata Lupin Beyond the Veil

11th May 2015:
Hi!
Here for our swap (and sorry if I'm late...)

First of all, I loved your quote choice! Or was it assigned to you? I'm not very practical with challenges yet, anyway that quote is great!!!

I loved this! So sweet! I loved James and Sirius together, their bond so deep and sincere! I loved all the emotions you put in here, the bittersweetnees of founding each other again in the afterlife! So sad and melancholy, but joyful at the same time... Is anything I'm saying making sense at all? I'm not sure...

It's clear why Sirius would be tempted to go back, but just as clear why this isn't an option... I just can't help but wish that the Marauders' lives weren't so unfair...

Among all the elements you put in here, what I probably loved the most was the reference to Regulus! We all wanted to see the two brothers make peace!

Absolutely lovely work!
So full of emotions and so wonderfully written!

Thanks for swapping!
With love,
Chiara

Author's Response: And thanks to you for reading! Glad you enjoyed this, and I actually choose it myself. It just stuck out to me and I knew that it would fit. Thanks for this awesome review! :D

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Review #4, by TreacleTart Beyond the Veil

11th May 2015:
Hey there!

I'm here for our review swap! Sorry it took me a bit to get to this, but I got caught up with family obligations.

I've seen several different takes on what happened after Sirius fell through the veil, each one of them unique. This one stood on its own as well. I thought the idea of Sirius being trapped in a house as a sort of waiting period was a good idea. I could imagine having to be in a sort of waiting area after death for at least awhile to sort through your memories.

The reunion between Padfoot and Prongs was touching. Sirius' initial reaction really made sense. Of course, he would think it was a joke since he hadn't realized he was dead yet. When he finally realizes what's happened and that Prongs is real, Sirius' emotional breakdown is really touching. We always see him as such a strong figure in the books, so to see a moment of vulnerability really gives him some depth.

Now for a bit of constructive criticism. Normally, I find your writing to be very fluid, but in this particular one-shot there are a few places where it gets choppy. I think a good hard re-edit would help with that.

Also, I noticed a few typos throughout.

He remembered the struggle Department of Mysteries, - struggle in the Department

I didn't go through twelve years of he'll just to come back to die. Ė twelve years of hell

"It's only a waiting room, before you go any farther there's a choice." Ė Itís only a waiting room. Before you go any farther thereís a choice.

"I figured as much. Icould go back as a ghost, - I could

I loved that at the end Sirius chooses to go through. I think his moments hesitation in regards to Harry seems very realistic. He was a good and loyal man and I could imagine him wanting to protect his godson, but in the end, I think he would've choosen to continue on.

Good work!

~Kaitlin

Author's Response: Thanks, sorry it's taken so long to get to all these reviews, I meant to do so earlier...kind got distracted.

I did go back and edit, so yay for that! XD


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Review #5, by banshee Beyond the Veil

10th May 2015:
Hello! Here for our review swap!

I've never heard that quote before, but I kind of love it. Just thinking about what you could do with that and the fact that this is about Sirius and angst already has my heart breaking into a million tiny pieces.

BUT, let's begin!

I always think it's interesting reading different peoples' interpretations of what 'beyond the veil' (death in general) actually consists of, and I really like how you interpreted the first few seconds of nothingness for Sirius. I definitely thing - in that scenario - that hearing and seeing Harry's reactions would be at the top of his thoughts.

I really enjoyed all of the details you wrote with him lying in the bed. They were lovely!

All the pain, all the fear, and all anger seemed gone from his features - This is so interesting. Neat. I love the idea that Azkaban was etched out of his expression in the afterlife. It just seems like it is something good that you'd want to happen for Sirius.

Ö.he looked alive again. - #heartbreak

The whole part with Sirius seeing and speaking to James was really heartbreaking. Sirius not understanding what's happening (falling through a veil would really be a confusing way to go if a situation of a conscious afterlife existed) was really realistic, and reading him actually having to be convinced by James that he was dead was super interesting.

Even through the angst of Sirius being unsure of what to do, I still really like that he gets a bit of a happy ending to end up being able to be with James and Lily again. If anyone deserves happiness after a life in Azkaban, it's Sirius.

This was lovely!

Julie

Author's Response: Thanks for this review, I'm extremely happy that you seemed to have enjoyed this! I have to say, it was pretty hard to write, it's good to see that the moments of nerveracking frustration seems to have paid off!

Thanks for the review!


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Review #6, by TearsIMustConceal Beyond the Veil

5th May 2015:
Hi, i'm here with your requested review!

I was immediately drawn to this story and I'm really glad that I chose it to review.

The premise of this story is wonderful and I've never read anything about Sirius' experience with the afterlife so it was a really refreshing read! I love how you brought James into it - I felt like that was a lovely touch and if there was anyone who could help Sirius with coming to terms with his death, it would have to be James. I also love how you gave Sirius a choice and that he had to internally fight with himself in order to make that decision.

Are you planning writing anymore about this? Because I would definitely be interested in reading more!

Your writing is lovely and everything flowed so well throughout the story. You really set the tone with you writing and choice of words - it was just so lovely!

Anyway, I've really enjoyed reading this and I would love to see you continue this one day!

-Vicki

Author's Response: You're actually the second or third person to ask about a sequel...and I have to admit to becoming sorely tempted by this. I'm honestly not sure yet.

It's a concept I always wanted to write about, and then I read a story on FANFICTION about this, but with Regulus waiting for him, and I finally conceded. I'm happy you enjoyed it. :)


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Review #7, by CassiePotter Beyond the Veil

2nd May 2015:
Hello! I'm here for our review swap!
I really enjoyed this story! This is the second story of yours that I've read that focuses on Sirius, and I think you write him really, really well.
I thought it was so interesting to read your descriptions of the room he was in before he chose whether to go back as a ghost or to stay. Since JKR only gives us what Harry sees in DH, I loved getting to see what the "waiting room," I guess we could say, would look like for someone else.
The conversation between James and Sirius was awesome. They were both so spot on. And I loved how Sirius noticed how young James really was when he died. The comment at the end about the twins joining the Marauders really made me smile.
Overall this was a really nice story! I'm really happy I picked it to read! Thanks for the review swap!
Cassie :)

Author's Response: Thank you, I was worried it might be too much. I'm glad you enjoyed it!

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Review #8, by StarFeather Beyond the Veil

2nd May 2015:
Hi, I dropped from the forums. The death of Sirius OotP was too sudden, so your story summary attracted me.

Iíve wondered what was like beyond the veil where Sirius fell down. In Harry's case, he met Dumbledore in the white world in the book 7, or in the movie, DH. Then you described the colour of the world after his death as soft cream coloured, it could be likely. When I read that Sirius looked into the mirror, I wondered it was a kind of parallel world.

Then James entered. Iíve read a similar story where Sirius with James after Sirius died, but I like your way to describe them. Your James is calm in front of Sirius, I simply like that.

And the most impressive part which touched my heart is when you described about the sadness of James and I also have a child, so I could understand how they felt very well. What they can't watch Harry grows up is very sad as a father.

The last scene that Sirius decided he would stay , that was a sad decision for Sirius and Harry, too. I remembered Harry sought for Sirius as a ghost. But readers feel relieved he did the right choice.

Author's Response: Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed this. :)

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Review #9, by Flower n Prongs Beyond the Veil

26th April 2015:
I am here for our review swap. =)

I really liked how you portrayed Sirius in your other fic so I decided to try this one out. Sirius was very well done in this as well, a bit cynical and skeptical and fearing for the worst when James came in. The mention of the fact that Sirius is so impulsive was a nice touch, as was the fact that Regulus now gets along with Lily and James. It seems so right after how Regulus died, but I can see how it would throw Sirius for a loop!

One spelling issue I noticed was Sirius says there is one "thin" different about James instead of one "thing" different. Other than that, nothing jumped out at me as blatantly wrong.

Thanks for the review swap again. Sorry that it took me a few hours to get this up.

Author's Response: Thanks, and I imagine anyone would be suspicious in that situation. I know I would be!

Thanks for pointing out that error, and you didn't take near as long to review as it took me to respond. XD


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Review #10, by pottered  Beyond the Veil

25th April 2015:
hii here for the review swap!
ohmygod this was so emotional, i am CRYING. Sirius, my love, my soul mate. It was nice to read about how it would've been beyond the veil and to see Sirius and James reunite ): (my children). so cute. loved this! x

Author's Response: Thanks for the review!

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Review #11, by merlins beard Beyond the Veil

23rd April 2015:
Hi. Here for our swap.

I really like the quote and I think it's very interesting to see what you came up with to fit it in.

The story is nice and comfortable to read. You write very well (other than a few typos).

I really liked it, you could maybe elaborate a little on feelings. you describe thoughts and places in detail, yet i didn't quite get into the story because I wasn't feeling what sirius was.

Thanks for the swap

~Anja

Author's Response: Your welcome, and I felt that too. I'm going to try and fix that before judging...

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Review #12, by Infinityx Beyond the Veil

22nd April 2015:
Hi, here for our swap!

I really like what you've got going on here. This is the first time I've read a fic about Sirius' experiences beyond the veil. His decision to either stay or return as a ghost was a really nice touch.

I like how you brought James into the picture. Are you planning on continuing this? I'd love to read some more about how what Sirius does during his time there.

One thing to just keep in mind:
He promised to protect him, and Sirius had failed...
So, in this line, you're using two pronouns - "he", and "him." There are two people - Harry and Sirius. Now, it would be confusing to figure out which pronoun is referring to which person. So I suggest you change one of the pronouns into the person's name. For eg:
He promised to protect Harry, but he had failed.
Now the "he" can only refer to Sirius and it's quite clear, get my point? :)

Anyway, this was really nice. I do hope you continue this. I'll come back read some more of your stories soon!

~Erin

Author's Response: Thanks for pointing that out! Not sure if I'll make a story out of this, though I could always do a sequel...this would need more editing, of course, before adding that. It's not really up to par with my others I don't think, so I'll have to fix that.

Really glad you liked the story, and if you do go and read more of my fics, I hope you enjoy those as well. :)



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Review #13, by marauder lady Beyond the Veil

21st April 2015:
Hey. I saw your post on the forums about this, and as I love Sirius, I thought I'd give it a go. And I'm so glad that I did!! Absolutely beautiful writing and a really original take on it. My heart was breaking for him at the beginning, but how amazing for him to be reunited with James. The whole atmosphere of it was so poignant and ethereal which fitted with the idea of the veil I think. Again, wonderful!! xxx

Author's Response: Thanks so much, I'm glad you like it. I honestly don't consider it my best, but knowing me I'll probably go back and edit it more later. :)

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