Reading Reviews for Deathsong
9 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Ron 4 Hermione One

9th September 2015:

What an interesting, and creepy, start.

Poor Lucy, you've just introduced us to her and then suddenly she's gone, and in such a deadly way too. It does leave an impact though, and also leaves me wondering who else may become a target. I love how you've got the first act happening, not in Hermione's house were it would seem that it al started from, but in her workplace. For me, that makes it even more scary because it means that the horror isn't limited to her house, it could follow her anywhere.

I also love your characterisation of Hermione, and the fact that she is a healer instead of working in the ministry. I think it's an interesting idea, and one that does fit with her personality. Also, the way you write about the end of the war, and how they started to rebuild things afterwords is really great, especially considering it's only a few paragraphs but it works well for the story- it provides just enough background to help give the story context.

As much as I'd love to think things were going to get better for Hermione, I have a feeling they're only going to get worse! But this is a really great start, you've definitely managed to create that feeling of horror and mystery!

- Shaza

 Report Review

Review #2, by UnluckyStar57 One

11th July 2015:
House Cup 2015 Ravenclaw once again!

I'm back, and oh look! I get to be the first reviewer on your new chapter! :D

Ooh, but although there are only two chapters, I'm really glad it starts to get creepy right away. I mean, there's no point in beating around the bush, is there? Something wicked is coming Hermione's way, and it gave me the heebie jeebies to read that scene!

Aw man, but you're so evil to write this! Introducing Lucy, a receptionist with something going for her--she's young, pretty, smart, and maybe has a hunky Healer after her--and just BAM!! massacring her. That's really evil, and I felt awful for Hermione and Lucy. Lucy, because her life was so short, and Hermione, because she followed the creepy bloodstained path and found the scene of the crime, which no doubt excited some of the bad, bad feelings she felt following the war.

Ooh, that's another thing I really loved about this chapter. You're delving into the problems that the war caused for the characters. Everyone has not "returned to normal," although they pretend to be living that way, and Hermione's reaction to Lucy's death is chilling and showed how she was sort of dealing with the trauma that the war caused. It's also really great of Harry to be a good friend and help her back to her house, because she was obviously so shaken by this. I think anyone would be, but especially a veteran of an awful war.

I really liked the background info that you gave about Hermione's life after the war. The rebuilding of Hogwarts is another thing that interests me--after all, the castle wasn't rebuilt in a day, and it took time to recover from all the damage. Hermione's sojourn at the Burrow makes sense, but I would definitely think she would need some alone time. Is she dating Ron in this story?

One question I have is: Did Hermione go through any training before she accepted the Healer job? Did she apply for the job and then do some training/shadowing while she was helping with the rebuilding of Hogwarts? I don't know much about the medical field, but I think it would be plausible that magical Healers go through a training course before they start the actual field work. Just had to make sure, in case I missed something!

Anyway, what you've got here is a really chilling, creepy story, and I look forward to reading more!


 Report Review

Review #3, by bittersweetflames Prelude

11th July 2015:
Hi there! Okay, this story really stroked my curiosity because it sounded so dire and ominous but you talk about love and that juxtaposition really interested me. Anyway, I loved the very beginning. The disclaimer, warning, whatever you call it. It really rang true with me... It had me even more excited to dig into this story and learn more. So, onto the story. So, I love the way you set things up. I could really see Hermione as she's moving; that perfectionism of hers really driving her to not only do things herself but to make sure everything is JUST RIGHT. I can relate so well because I just fixed my bedroom last night and I don't even want to remember the number of times I dragged, heaved and pushed furniture until I was satsfied with where everything was placed. I also want to comment on the sensory details you put into this fic. You managed to really describe the house Hermione has just moved into and I can imagine it; it sounds very lovely. That box. Ooh, that box. Since I haven't read any of the books that inspired you, I will not attempt to make any predictions about what is going to happen but I am intrigued. Not only by what those letters contain but also that music box. WOW. Just. WOW.

-- Carla
House Cup 2015, Ravenclaw

 Report Review

Review #4, by UnluckyStar57 Prelude

11th July 2015:
House Cup 2015, Ravenclaw checking in!

Hermione is one of my favorite canon Gryffindors, so I am super excited to start with this story. I really like that she's a Healer instead of working for some department in the Ministry, because that gives an interesting twist on things that I haven't seen before. Now her experiences from Healer things will give her a different mindset than the one that she would have as a magical lawyer/member of the Wizengamot or something. And the moving in thing is really cool, too. It's always scary to think about moving in to a new place, but the one that Hermione found for herself seems really ideal. You described it so well! I love the detail that you put into it, and I could really picture the house as you described it in the context of the story. Wonderful job with that!

Ooh, letters? I really want to know what those are about! And the music box with the lovers on it is really intriguing. Are those people the lovers who wrote the letters to each other? If so, why did they get a music box with their faces on it? What's going on there?

The slamming shut of the box (by itself!!) was eerie and now I'm super scared. If my first house is anything like Hermione's, with the eerie self-slamming box, I might decide to live with my parents forever (although the lovely interior of the house might win me over, I suppose!).

One bit of disagreement with your chapter: I think that Ron and Harry really admire and look up to Hermione, and as such, they would never think of her as an incapable woman. They know that she is much smarter than they are and could definitely handle her move by herself. Perhaps they offered help out of friendship and a desire to see her new place more than anything, and she just believes that they think she's incapable? Maybe it's just a perspective thing, but it is something to think about.

Ooh, and I really loved the beginning. It's so haunting, and it does remind me a lot of The Book Thief, which is one of my all-time favorites!

So, great job with this, and I will catch you at the next chapter!

 Report Review

Review #5, by because i write Prelude

30th May 2015:
I am very, very intrigued! I cannot wait to see what's next; I already added your story to my 'currently reading' list so that I can see when you update. Good luck.

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you so much, you have no idea what it means to me when people add my stuff to their lists :)
Hopefully, I should have the next chapter up by the end of next weekend at the latest - I'm just trying to work through the ending as best I can.

 Report Review

Review #6, by TreacleTart Prelude

27th May 2015:
Hi there!

I'm here for the Gryffindor review swap!

I think you've got an intriguing start here. The way that you described the house as being off in the countryside and Hermione being alone automatically set a tense mood for me. As soon as she went up the attic and found the abandoned box everything began feeling really ominous. For whatever reason, I got the feeling that the music box was going to be a bad thing because why else would someone abandon it up in the attic.

I really like that you've moved Hermione to the countryside. I would think that after everything she's been through, she'd really want some peace and quiet. I could see a home like this being really attractive to her. I could also see her inquisitive nature causing her to go open that box and search it's contents. I think not knowing what was inside would really bother her.

The way you chose to end this was brilliant. Everything seems alright. Nothing super ominous or crazy happens. Just the music box slams shut all on it's own. That one little line was so powerful.

Just a small bit of cc on formatting. You seem to have really giant spaces between your lines and in the beginning it is clear that you're going for a specific structure, but I think the big gaps mess up the flow a bit. You could keep the structure and delete some of the space between lines and I think it would look much better.

All in all, I think you've got a good start here. To answer your author's note, I would definitely be interested in reading more of this story as I have a lot of questions. Who were these letters to and from? Why was the box abandoned in the attic? Will Hermione find the pictures? Was the lid slamming shut something supernatural or just loose hinges? So yes, you should keep writing.

Also, I should point out that horror and mystery are two of my absolute favorite genres, so I'd love to see a longer suspense/mystery/horror type story. I think it would be really cool and it's not something you see very often.

Good work!


Author's Response: Hi Kaitlin! Thankyou so much for your review!
The music box? Well, all I'm going to say is that it will feature later on in the story (because that's pretty obvious or why would I have focussed my entire prologue on it) but in what capacity I will not say just yet... *raises eyebrow and steeples fingers*
More of a story behind Hermione's move will come up in the next chapter, but you've basically got it right - she did just want a chance to be independent and have some space and peace. Originally the ending to this chapter was different, and I had to play around with it for a while until I was happy with it, but who knows? Maybe that was just loose hinges...
I get what you mean, though, with the formatting. It looks a lot different to how it looks on my computer, and I'd never really looked at it on this website before. I will try and fiddle around with that and see if I can make it look a little more coherent.
I'm glad that you're interested in seeing more of this story, even if I'm absolutely terrified about writing it. It contains so many of my 'firsts' - my first thing longer than a one-shot, my first attempt at horror in any form, my first real attempt at mystery - this whole thing is a massive gamble, so I hope you like it!
Thanks so much for the review - you've absolutely made my day, and the little notes are really helpful. Big Gryffindor hugs!

 Report Review

Review #7, by TearsIMustConceal Prelude

5th May 2015:
Hey there! Iím here with your review!!

Youíve really intrigued me with this story and there are already so many things I want to know! I really canít wait for the next chapter now!

The way youíve started this chapter is clever and very poetic in a sense Ė it flows seamlessly and I was instantly wondering what those warning could mean in terms of the rest of the story! And the tension youíve created in the first part is perfect Ė it keeps you on a slight edge for the rest of the story and I know I was continuously wondering what was going to happen next and then when I finally reached the end, I wasnít disappointed! Except now I want to know who or what shut the music box! Youíve created this atmosphere which flows throughout the chapter and it really is perfect and sets the scene in the most wonderful way.

Your use of description is beautiful and I could easily imagine every move that Hermione made, as though I was following her with my own eyes.

I really canít wait for the next chapter! I will definitely be keeping my eye out!


 Report Review

Review #8, by alicia and anne Prelude

26th April 2015:
Such beautiful descriptions, you really captured the scene and I couldn't help but imagine everything so vividly.

I really like that she's moving on into her own place, and that Harry and Ron are helping her.

Oooo she's found letters! I'm so nosey! I want to read them all :D And also I want to know what's in the box! :D

WHO SLAMMED THE MUSIC BOX? I need to know everything! Is there a ghost? Is it posessed?

I have so many questions! I am hooked on this and I need to carry on as soon as I can!

I'm so glad that you put the link up to this. I am definitely interested in reading more of this! Keep up the fabulous work! :D

 Report Review

Review #9, by SunshineDaisies Prelude

19th April 2015:

I think this is an excellent start. The first section especially was really lovely! I'm a big fan of reading things that are sort of lyrical, so that was a treat for me. It was also very intriguing. I absolutely adore The Book Thief, so I'm excited to see how that pans out.

I think you've done a really good job of setting up the atmosphere as well. Right from the start you've set up this eerie feeling that permeates the whole chapter. It's absolutely perfect for this type of story.

Your attention to detail is pretty great too. I absolutely love all the description you include. The line about the dust rising up and Hermione coughing it away is SO wonderful. (Again with my love of language.)

I would like to see a little bit more action. Not the "WOO! EXCITEMENT! THINGS EXPLODING!" type of action, but a bit more description of what Hermione's movements are. For example, showing her climbing down the stairs rather than just saying she wanted to, and then ending up in the kitchen. This might just be a personal preference, but I am a big believer in using little details like that to your advantage. That said, you've done a really good job of adding them in other places that work really well. I just think a bit more could enhance it overall.

I also just wanted to say that you've done a really great job of starting new sentences without being repetitive. I like the you use verbs or adjectives to start sentences instead of just "her" "she" "Hermione" "there" etc. It made it even more pleasing to read.

Overall I think this is a pretty great start! Good work!

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login