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Reading Reviews for Lady Mondegreen
  
15 Reviews Found

Review #1, by marauderfan Conversations with a Portrait

20th January 2017:
Hi Lizzie! Here with some love and appreciation for you in the form of reviews as a very belated holiday present :P This one really caught my eye because of the title. I'm familiar with the term 'Mondegreen' as I am that person who ALWAYS hears words wrong in songs (and then proceeds to sing along incorrectly, for like two years, before realizing). Anyway, that's beside the point, and the point is that this fic is so clever and fun and I loved it.

Lady M's story is so sad! Being a portrait sounds kind of like living forever; the idea is interesting, until you really think about it, and then you'd come to the conclusion that it would suck. Who knows how long Lady M has been stuck inside that frame, not even able to visit other frames, just stuck there and sad and watching generations of teenagers go by and she just kind of gets forgotten. It'd be so sad! (Plus she'd be the last in any game of Telephone so she'd always get the most distorted rumours.) So I'm really glad Lia came along because I think it was good for both of them - for Lady M to have a friend to talk to, and for Lia to get some advice about her teenage drama :P

Lady M mishearing Lia all the time could totally be just because Lia is a quiet speaker, and Lady M has no choice except but to clarify. I mean, at least what she's doing is far superior to the thing everyone does, where you just nod and smile and say "Yeah"... but you can only get away with that for so long before someone realizes you haven't a clue what they're saying :P

PEAS ON EARTH. Pun-derful. I love it. XD Can you please write a sequel in which Harry is given a box of dirt with pea plants in it omg

I bet this story was really fun to write :) It was certainly a lot of fun to read! Thanks for sharing!

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Review #2, by Crescent Moon  Conversations with a Portrait

3rd January 2016:
Loved this one shot, very funny. Laughed a lot!

Author's Response: Awe! Thanks! I'm so glad you enjoyed it!

Thanks for R&R'ing!
Lizzie


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Review #3, by alicia and anne Conversations with a Portrait

29th July 2015:
It's only the beginning but we're already cursing James for making her so angry! *shakes fist at him*

Haha oh those potraits, mishearing what she said :D And they don't seem to be that helpful, even if they are bored haha. I love the idea that the portraits are just a bunch of gossipers, although I would totally be a gossip if I was a portrait too, and would spend my time spying on everyone.

James is such a trouble maker! I would be angry at him for that too!

I really like this Lady M, she seems so awesome! Although her story of how she got there is a sad one, and I hope that she is able to get out of the painting eventually.

James clearly really likes her, it's pretty obvious, to everyone but her haha :P

Lady M's hearing is so terrible! It's so brilliant, I prefer what she hears haha. And that present idea for Harry is a brilliant idea!

This was pure hilarious! I love Lady M so much and I just want her around all the time!

Fabulous writing from you, such an amazingly fun read!

Author's Response: Tammi!

Haha! This made me grin. I do hope this story made you smile at least a little bit!

Doesn't it make total sense for a portrait to be a huge gossip and spy if was hanging up in a school full of angsty teenagers? I mean, what else do you have to do? It's literally like being a fly on a wall! :)

James is always a trouble-maker, and a bit of a jerk. Except for James from Abigail Higgs and Potter Boy - I love how you've written him in that story!

Lady M is one of my favorite OC's I've written so far. I can definitely tell you that she WILL get out of her portrait, which you will see happen in The Family Business, so you'll have to wait and find out once I've written it in. :)

I totally heart James and Lia.

Having Lady M around all the time would be hilarious. I would love it too!

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing, Tammi! It makes me so happy!

Lizzie


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Review #4, by Felpata Lupin Conversations with a Portrait

30th June 2015:
Ahahah! Lizzie, I loved this!!!
Peas on earth... I can't stop giggling!!!
Thank you so much for suggesting me this, I really needed a good laugh, and this story was just amazing!
Thank you again, and sorry for the quick review...
Lots of hugs and love!
Chiara

Author's Response: Chiara!

Yay! I'm so glad I made you giggle! This is definitely one of my favorite stories I've written and I love sending it to people who need a good laugh. ;)

Thanks for reviewing! I really appreciate it!!
LL


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Review #5, by Angie Conversations with a Portrait

2nd June 2015:
Yo, I rally liked their conversation and how Lady M. misunderstood what Lia said. I just hope you write more stuff about them, because I'd lo ve to see the lady out of the portrait. And maybe laugh, giggle and snort some more ;)

Author's Response: Angie!

I'm glad you liked Lady M! She's one of my favorite characters. She'll be making an appearance in a couple of my other stories, so you'll have to look out for her!! (she might even get out of her portrait in one of them!)

Thanks for R&R'ing!
LL


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Review #6, by nott theodore Conversations with a Portrait

20th May 2015:
Hi Lizzie! I'm here for the Gryffie Review Swap - I've heard a lot of good things about this story, so I was intrigued to get to read it finally.

I don't think I've actually read any of your stories before, but this was a really good introduction to your writing and now I'm kind of curious to find out what happens in the same universe and what goes on between the different characters in your novel - if I get time, I'll definitely be checking it out!

I really liked the way that you incorporated the word for the challenge into your story by using it in your title and also as the name of the woman in the portrait. I'd actually never heard of the word before, so it was definitely helpful that you included the definition at the beginning of your story so I didn't have to go and look for it, but I think that really helped me to understand why you'd then chosen it for the name of Lady M - it fitted in really well with her way of confusing things and mishearing and misunderstanding things that Lia says.

I really liked the character of Lia, and the way that she was Lee Jordan's daughter - it was great to get a bit of an idea in here of the relationship and background between her and James Potter through the course of the story without overloading us with it right at the start of the story, so that we learnt more about their history without being overloaded with details at the beginning. The information that we learnt through the story meant that the reason for Lia being so angry at the start of the piece made a lot more sense too - James seems to antagonise her quite often, so her reaction to him is more likely to be stronger and angry than to someone else. It was also great that we got to learn more about Lia as a character, such as her temper and little bits like that, through the course of the story.

Another aspect I really liked of the story was that you gave Lady M an opportunity to tell her own story during this piece, even though this is based in a universe that you already write in (and I'm assuming is more about Lia and James). I've read a few stories that include contact with portraits in the castle before, and I really love the idea of people creating a story for the people who live in the frames. One thing I've never seen before was the idea of having a Muggle that had been captured in a frame and become a portrait. I really liked the way that, because of the fact Lady M had been a Muggle, becoming a portrait affected her differently from the other portraits and she couldn't leave her frame to visit other people in the castle, so they had to come and visit her instead. That little detail was really great. I would be really intrigued to know which Queen she served as well!

As Lia told the story of what had happened between her and James that morning, it was really great to see a sort of friendship developing between her and Lady M, as she told the story and they both shared a bit of their lives with the other. I really liked the idea that Lia will go and visit her in the future, now that she knows how to get there and will make the effort to keep up the friendship; it must be so lonely to be trapped in a frame without being able to move, particularly if not many people come past your portrait. I can't help wondering whether Dumbledore would have been able to do something to help her if he'd known about it!

Lady M's bad hearing and her misunderstanding of so many of the things that Lia said made me laugh a lot, particularly the part about the sausages, and why she was so shocked about what James had done. I also liked the fact that her misinterpretations made what James had done look less significant, and Lia changed her mind about him a little bit and agreed to go and help him. I also liked the idea that Lady M had for what to get Harry for Christmas!

This was a really great story - I'm so glad we got paired with each other on the review swap! As soon as I have a chance, I'll definitely be trying to stop by your novel and see what that's like too!

Sian :)

Author's Response: WHOA! Sian!

Look at this MONSTER review you left me!! *Happy dances* You're awesome!!

This is definitely one of my favorite stories, so I'm SO glad you liked it!! I definitely agree that it is a good introduction into my writing and my characters. Lia does play a pretty big role in my novel, so you definitely get a sense of what some of her issues are in that story from this one.

I LOVED the word Mondegreen, but it totally confused me at first, so wanted to give a definition early on just to help the readers out, since I don't actually define the word within the story.

As of now, Lady M is not actually in HIMYF - so she's telling her backstory here because it hasn't been told yet!

The whole concept of Lady M being trapped in a portrait actually comes from another the novel I'm writing - a Founder's era fic, that's actually about the Queen she served, so I will definitely be writing Lady M's backstory at some point.

There's also going to be a conclusion to Lady M's story too...so you'll get to see how she gets out of the portrait...and believe it or not, Dumbledore DOES have something to do with it!

Anyway, thanks for your wonderful review Sian!! I really appreciate it, and I will definitely be along to review your story soon!
LL


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Review #7, by Unicorn_Charm Conversations with a Portrait

8th May 2015:
Hey Lizzie! I didn't forget about you, swear!

This was hilarious! That bumpkin Jews as hostages had me literally laugh out loud! :D

I kind of love that you had Lee's daughter named Lia, too. :)

Oh my goodness! The idea of a muggle trapped in a portrait was amazing! It was such a cool and unique concept, Bravo on such an awesome idea!

Oh bless the poor thing. Was her hearing always bad, or do you think it has something to do with her being trapped in that portrait? I wonder if Lia will be the one to eventually let her out, or it she'll figure out how to do that. That would be a cool concept for a sequel to this. (Hint-a-tee hint, hint)

Also, Lia and James - totally in love with each other. Right?? Right. Maybe Lia needs to just admit that to herself and she'll stop getting so angry at James over trivial things. :D

You did such an awesome job with your word for this challenge!! Everything that she misheard honestly had me giggle or laugh out loud. My boyfriend thought I was a crazy person haha!

I really liked Lia a lot, too. I know that I'll see more of her and James ok HIMYF, right? I really need to get on that. :)

All in all, this was really, really great! I loved it!

Thanks so much for the swap and I'm so sorry I'm a total jerk and took forever! ♥

xoxo Meg

Author's Response: MEG!

YAY! I'm so glad you laughed. If there's anything I like to do in life, it's make other people laugh. :D

I dunno if Lady M's hearing has always been that bad. I'll have to have a chat with her about that when I write her into my next novel. (Yeah, you'll see her again, don't worry!)

Lia and James are TOTALLY in love. Absolutely correct! Lia is also a complete idiot. And yes, they are both pretty heavily featured in HIMYF, and yes, you totally SHOULD get on that! :D

No worries, you definitely didn't take forever, and THANK YOU for reviewing! I really appreciate it!
LL


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Review #8, by Aphoride Conversations with a Portrait

6th May 2015:
Hi there - dropping by for our review swap! :) I actually haven't read any portrait-related stories before, tbh, so I when I realised that was what this was about I was so excited because it's a first, so it's so cool and interesting to see how it works, you know? :)

I haven't read your other universe, but this stands so well on its own as its own little story, and both Lia and Lady M are such strong characters, with such clear personalities and traits that it's so good to see and to read. I love how Lia is so annoyed by James, and how Lady M is so curious to know what's going on, since she never gets visitors, and how they sort of become friends by the end of it, with Lady M kinda helping Lia out with her James Potter problem.

I've got to say, I always love when stories have a friendship-related theme to them - there aren't enough stories like that, imo, where those kinds of relationships are the forefront - and this was such a lovely example of it.

You used the word you were given so well - mondegreen - I've never heard of it, but it's so cool and the definiton above made it sound so had, but you worked it in so cleverly, with the double-layered use of it, as both Lady M's name and with the instances of it throughout the story. I loved that so much - it was so good. It also gave a beautifully light feel to this, with all the comedic moments - I loved the thing about the misheard comment with the sausages, that was brilliant.

Your writing in this was so good, too - so clean and clear and your description was so lovely. I'd hesitate before describing people of colour as having 'chocolate-coloured skin' just because it's a bit... over-used as well kinda stereotypical, you know? But that's a slightly picky thing, tbh. I loved your dialogue best, though - it's so fluid and easy, so real; the way people really would speak, which is such a gift.

I really enjoyed this - thanks so much for the swap! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Aph!

Thanks for dropping by and reviewing!! I'm so glad that you liked this story, it's definitely one of my favorites!

The portraits have always intrigued me, so it only felt natural to expand on that a bit within my own writing, and I'm glad that others find it interesting too!!

Lia and Lady M are probably on my top five favorite characters to write so far. They've got such fun and distinct personalities that just make me laugh and laugh...hopefully I'll be able to work in another interaction between them in another one of my stories. I think their friendship is definitely a cool one.

You're totally right about the "chocolate-coloured skin" bit. I've got to work on my descriptions in general, and after I wrote this I went and did a load of research on better ways to write physical descriptions, so I'm definitely going to go an edit this a bit at some point.

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing this Aph! I really appreciate it and I loved reading your story too!!
LL


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Review #9, by merlins beard Conversations with a Portrait

6th May 2015:
Hi Lizzy! I'm here for our swap.

This was so hilarious to read, it made my day that little bit brighter :D

I LOVE Lady M. She really is an interesting character. Her own story is so sad... but she is nice and not compleyely hung up on the terrible way her life changed/ended (i don't quite know how to call that). She isn't afraid of magic even though it got her STUCK IN A PORTRAIT FOR CENTURIES. I'd call that an accomplishment.

Lia's trouble with James Potter is only understandable. It has to be the name. There have been SO MANY women who have trouble with a James Potter.

I love the hearing loss, it makes this chapter so funny. I'm glad it also makes Lia realize (in a funny way) that she might be overreacting a little. Just plain telling her would have been met with resistance I guess...

The taking bumkin jews hostage part was hilarious. You tied it up in the story so well.

I'm really sad that this is a one-shot because I'd love to read more.

Love
~Anja

Author's Response: Anja,

I'm so glad you liked this!! :D Lady M is definitely one of my favorite characters to write so far, so I'm glad you like her. She's definitely interesting because of her backstory, and I think her personality only adds to that.

If you read my other stories, you'll notice that they're all connected - and Lady M is definitely going to make a guest appearance in HIMYF, and her backstory and ending are going to be told in two other novels that I've got planned, so this definitely isn't the end for her!

Thanks so much for reviewing!! I'm SO happy that this made you laugh, I love it when that happens! :D
LL


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Review #10, by Shadowkat Conversations with a Portrait

5th May 2015:
Okay, I can not even BEGIN to count how many times I laughed at this! The characterization was great, didn't see any glaring errors (except, of course, the ones meant to be there), perfect! That was genius, I'm not going to lie, genius! My gosh, I haven't laughed at a story like this in forever!

The absolute best part is I have a problem slurring my words together and gesturing a lot when I get excited about something and start talking fast, and it doesn't help that I have braces right now.. I relate to this on a spiritual level right now. Thanks so much for this swap! XD

(Ow, my sides hurt...)

Author's Response: Kat!

I'M SO GLAD YOU LIKED THIS!!! :D I seriously cannot stop grinning because of this review! I really like this story, so it's good to get a lot of positive responses from it!

Thanks for reviewing!!
LL


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Review #11, by Roisin Conversations with a Portrait

5th May 2015:
Here for the swap if you still have time :)

'Lady Mondegreen'--SO CLEVER. So, SO clever. I was so happy to see so many mondegreens in there too :D It doubly worked because of the whole idea of gossipy portraits, and the kind of 'telephone' game idea of things getting confused.

I'm really interested in stories featuring portraits. Just... SENTIENT PORTRAITS. That is way too crazy of an idea to just take for granted.

All said though, there's so much that's funny about this story that you almost distracted me from Lady M's TERRIFYING HORRIBLE BACKSTORY! POOR LADY! I hope she gets freed at some point! It must be awful to just get abandoned in some desolate corner of the castle and forgotten about :,(

My only concrit would be that you switch between Lia and Lady M's perspectives ('head hopping')--it's generally best to stay grounded in one POV at a time. (And I personally stumble a bit over descriptions that equate people of color with food, like 'chocolate,' but that could just be me).

I really liked Lia's character though! You definitely have someone compelling and charismatic in her. And the 'peas on earth' ending was pretty brilliant. You most certainly got a number of chuckles out of me!

Great job!
xoxo
-Roisin

Author's Response: Roisin!

I'm really glad you liked this!! It's definitely one of my favorites...I still get a good laugh when I read it!

The Portraits have always fascinated me as well! One of these days I might just go ahead and write a whole story just from a portraits POV.

Don't worry! Lady M's story is going to be told! I've finally figured out how she gets out!! It'll be really exciting to see what everyone thinks of her ending.

Thanks for the CC about the head hopping (I've never thought about it like that! Love it!), I'm definitely going to keep that in mind and see if I can make that flow a little bit better. The same goes for the descriptions - I recently spent some time researching better ways to write/describe people's physical features, and that was definitely something that was discouraged.

Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed this so much, and thanks again for reviewing! You're awesome!
LL


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Review #12, by 1917farmgirl Conversations with a Portrait

25th April 2015:
But, wait! She is still stuck in the portrait! You can't just leave her there! And I wanna know the whole story of how she got there! It's intriguing and you left me hanging. *pouts*

Okay, okay, I'll stop being demanding. But, seriously, these questions will haunt me forever now...

Now on to the real review.

I have actually thought a bit about portraits and how they work. How can a portrait of a person who died, continue to be them? And have not only their memories, but personality to react to new things that happen. Like, if couple married, and say the wife died, and he hung a portrait of her in his house, and then later her remarried...would that be awkward?

So, a fic like this is very intriguing to me. And then you throw in the fact that she is still alive! WOW! Talk about plot twist! I liked it!

But the fact that she's a little hard of hearing and not getting her facts straight is HILARIOUS! How on earth did you think of these great play on words? You must have played the game Telephone a lot as a child!

Giving Harry a box with "peas on earth" is nothing short of brilliant. Again, how did you think of these things!

Thanks for sharing. Thise was a great read and I really, really enjoyed it.

Now, go free Lady M from that portrait. Or at least get her moved to a better spot in the school!

- Farmgirl
?

Author's Response: Heeheehee!

How portraits work is sort of explained by Rowling on Pottermore, so I just stuck with what I know from there. She says that portraits are painted while the subjects are actually living, and enchanted by the artist to move and speak, although the degree and depth to which they interact with others is dependent on the original subject's power. Which is why the Headmaster/mistress's portraits are so much more helpful than the others might be.

The real key is that the portrait's personality is not a direct echo of the original subject, but rather, from how the subject appeared to the painter.

So, yeah, odds are if a man hung up a portrait of his wife and then remarried, it'd probably be awkward.

The fact Lady M is, in fact, alive, is one that I've had in my head for YEARS! I've got another novel length fic that I'm working on which has a muggle girl get trapped in a portrait while defending a Queen. She didn't have a name or really much of a character until I accepted the challenge and got the word "Mondegreen". The word comes from a writer who misinterpreted a Scottish ballad and substituted the words "and laid him on the green" with "Lady Mondegreen." Combine that with the definition of Mondegreen, it just fit!

And since I didn't want to write about her during her time period (founders era), because that would be TOTAL SPOILERS for my other story, I decided to write her with one of my other OC's in the future as a portrait. That way I could just tease people a little bit with her story. Heehee. :D

The play on words were actually ALL mondegreen's that I actually have done in my life. Most of them were from when I was little (like: hostages vs sausages, or Jews vs. juice), but the "Peas on Earth" is completely from my Dad. He cracked that pun so many times that I finally gave it to him. He hasn't cracked that pun since. :)

I can't tell you whether or not Lady M gets freed or not...that would involve more spoilers. ;)

Thanks for reading hun! I really appreciate it!! (And I apologize for the ridiculously long response)
LL


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Review #13, by The Fat Lady Conversations with a Portrait

16th April 2015:
Why hello there my dear!

It is I, the Fat Lady who guards the entrance to Gryffindor tower! There’s a rumor that’s been floating around Hogwarts, a rumor that you played on a certain team for something called Capture The Flag. I have no clue as to what that could be, but I was quite intrigued by your team name. Apparently, you’ve styled yourselves “The Fat Ladies”. I’ve even noticed that all of your team members wear a badge of sorts with my picture on it! I have to say I’m quite humbled by this. Usually, no one pays me much mind unless they’re locked out of the common room of course!

You may be wondering how I found this particular story and it just so happens that the portrait of Professor Dumbledore in the headmasters office explained how to use this…errr…what do you call it? Computer? That’s it. He then told me that there was one in an obscure portrait on the third floor at the end of a long dark corridor that I could use. After a bit of touch and go, I finally managed to figure out how to work it. I guess I’m a bit behind the times, but I suppose that is to be expected. I am over 300 years old after all!

Once I managed to get the computer working, a kind student by the name of "nott theodore" provided me with the names of each student who had played on Team Fat Ladies and I came across some very lovely stories. This one in particular caught my attention. I couldn’t believe it an entire biography on Lady Mondegreen! She is a lovely dear, although she does seem to be suffering from some hearing loss. Us other portraits don’t have quite the same problem, but as she said she’s not actually a portrait, but a human trapped inside of one! It’s so tragic really! I will say that her terrible hearing does cause for quite a few laughs around the castle!

Oh dear! This err…computer had a little box that just lit up saying the…errr…battery is low, whatever that means. These things are so confusing. I must be on my way now. I’m sorry I can’t stay and chat longer, but I have a few more stories to read!

On my way back to my portrait, I’ll have to make sure to stop by and say hello to Lady Mondegreen. I often forget that she’s there since she can’t leave her location and she’s way up on the fifth floor. It’s quite a bit of a walk for an old fat lady like me, but I’ll try and manage!

Thank you for the lovely story, dear and for the team name in my honor!

Yours Truly,
The Fat Lady

Author's Response: Dear Fat Lady, I never thought I'd have the honor of hearing from you!

I must say, I would always pay mind to you, and I think your singing is extraordinary.

So you've met the Lady Mondegreen! That's incredible! You must tell her hello for me! I haven't spoken to her in a while, but you must tell her that I will soon, because I need her help in another one of my stories!

Hopefully she'll be able to hear you correctly though. If she doesn't, then at least you'll get a good laugh from your visit!

Thank you for taking the time to stop by, it is a great honor to have you visit one of my stories! And please, continue to practice your singing, you get better every day!!
LL


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Review #14, by Thor Conversations with a Portrait

12th April 2015:
Hey Lizzie.

I'm Thor, but you probably know me as one of The Avengers. I was told your story might have the key to defeating my brother, Loki, so here I am hoping to find a way to win over him.

My friend from the forums is here, and she's helping me find the clue. She wanted to me to tell you that the story is good. She liked it very much, and she said she could relate to Lia. I told her I think Lia is most definitely infatuated with this James-guy and that she should just tell him, but she said you never tell a guy you like, especially not after he's pulled a prank on you. I'll never understand you humans. Things are far simplier in Asgard.

Anyway, I think I've found the key now, so thanks for that. It was that "peace on earth"-thing that solved it all for us. And ehm... would mind keeping my visit a secret for my brother? That would give us the element of surprise, and he would not know what we were planning.

My friend also asked me to tell you to not be afraid to approach her if you see her around the forums. Unfortunately for you she uses secret names. Loki doesn't like her very much, so she needs to stay hidden. But I'm sure you'll find her anyway.

Thanks again!

Thor

Author's Response: THOR!!! IT'S YOU!!

First of all: Thank you for doing your part in saving my city. I'm from NYC and was there on the day Loki attacked. You saved many lives that day. :)

Second of all: You're right. Lia should just tell James. You Asgardians are definitely on to something. Could you teach a course in romance on Asgard? That'd be awesome.

Third of all: I would never betray you to Loki, promise. Peace on Earth would certainly solve a lot of problems, so if you figure out how to make that work, I'd really appreciate it.

Fourth(ly?): WHO IS YOUR FRIEND?!?! I must find her! I shan't give up until I do!!

I'm greatly honored that you read my story, Thor, and I hope you manage to figure out how to take down Loki. You are a mighty warrior and true hero!

Thank you for R&R'ing!
LL


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Review #15, by krazyboutharryginny Conversations with a Portrait

11th April 2015:
Hey Lizzie! I'm here from the "review the person above you" thread in the CR :)

I'm actually pumped to read a Lia-centric fic! I was reviewing your other fics for CTF and I really, really enjoyed her character. I love the way you've written her here - I think you've done an awesome job of making it ABSOLUTELY CLEAR how angry she is. The detail that she ended up getting lost was a good one to add, as it definitely enhances her character - she's prone to getting lost at the best of times, and was so angry that she walked into a wall.

"“Lady Mondegreen.” She said, rolling her eyes. “But you can call me Lady M.”
Lia was taken aback. “How did you know my name?”" Mm... I think you missed something here. I went back and reread the previous few paragraphs a few times, and I'm still lost, so...

If I can be completely honest with you, I think your summary could use some work. I was very taken aback by it, but in a way that made me sort of hesitant to read it. When I got to the line "We're portraits. What else is there to do?", my immediate thought was that that would make a much better summary - in fact, when I clicked on the story and saw it as the chapter summary, I went "Ohhh, this story's about a PORTRAIT?! That's awesome! I wanna read this!". I think it would be a much better "hook", if that makes sense. Maybe you could put the line that you currently have as the Story Summary, and make it the chapter summary? Just switch them around?

Oh man! Lia sure does have a quick temper! I feel a bit sorry for Lady M! :P

Speaking of... I love the character you've created here in Lady M. You've done such a great job of describing Lia's feelings about her, as well as her actual appearance. I can picture her vividly, and REALLY like her. And the fact that she's a real person! I was genuinely taken by surprise, and eagerly kept reading.

"Lady M had made the same realizations as time wore on, and she’d discovered that trivializing a teenager’s struggles did nothing to help. If it was important to them, and they were willing to share it with her, then she’d find a way to make it important to her too." What a FANTASTIC couple of lines! This is a sentiment I agree with strongly, and I actually grinned at reading it here, especially when it's put so brilliantly!

It's awesome that Lady M managed to get Lia to reconsider her conversation with James, just by having awful hearing! XD

This is a really funny little story. I truly enjoyed it. I think it would be super cool if you could find a way to have Lady M make an appearance in How I Met Your Father!

-Kayla

Author's Response: KAYLA!!

Your review literally made me jump around for joy!!! Thank you so so so SO much for all of your wonderful comments and REALLY good advice!

I guess I didn't think about how that line could come across as a story summary. And you're completely right! The line you suggested is definitely a better hook *forehead slap*. Sometimes I get so excited I don't think everything through.

Also, thank you for pointing out that you're confused by how Lady M knows her name. I went and reread it and I guess I didn't clarify that very well! I'm definitely going to edit that a bit.

I love Lia, personally, she's my favorite character. I've got so much fun stuff planned for her. And not to worry, Lady M will make an appearance in HIMYF, but in some really subtle ways ;)

That part about Lady M making a teenagers problems important...that is 100% my mother. I don't know how many times I heard that growing up...and for some reason, it just seemed perfect for Lady M to say it...since she's seen so many teenagers in her "lifetime".

Once again, thank you for your wonderful review and CC!! I'm going to continue my happy dance in a moment...
LL


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