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Reading Reviews for Hallowed be Our Names
  
10 Reviews Found

Review #1, by marauderfan Breakdown (Aberforth)

16th January 2017:
This was a great chapter! I think most of all you really highlighted the differences between Albus and Aberforth, and how they react to setbacks. Aberforth is very driven by his emotions, and listens to his heart, and Albus listens to his head and logic/reason, and that's why they have trouble understanding the other. Aberforth actually thinks Albus is going to abandon them, just on the word of Ariana, and he doesn't take the time to think it out, just goes in and yells at Albus for it. Aberforth really wears his heart on his sleeve, whereas Albus is more guarded (and Gellert is a different person depending on who he's talking to). Maybe the Dumbledore brothers have different ways of showing it but each of them really does care about the family and keeping it together.

I think more than anything this chapter shows how difficult things were in the Dumbledore family at the time Grindelwald was visiting, and the complicated relationships between everyone involved, and there's a lot of trust issues.

I also like that this is from Aberforth's POV. I feel like he's a very overlooked character in general but there's so much story to be told about him, so I love that you've done that and you're going into his POV here.

Once again this is such lovely writing, Karen, great job :)

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Review #2, by victoria_anne Showdown

19th March 2016:
HI KAREN HI KAREN HI KAREN

I did promise to be back (...eventually)!

Okay I cannot go past a Grindelwald story! I like to think I've obsessed enough and read enough to know all the characters involved quite well, and you...

PASSED!

I can't believe this is your first attempt at writing these characters! I thought Grindelwald was perfect - that kind of calm scary? Reminds me of Tom Riddle! Which, you know, is pretty appropriate. Aberforth and his temper, just itching for a fight.

Your words in the beginning (and actually, throughout the entire piece) were like reading poetry. You have a beautiful way with words.

But the part where Ariana compares Grindelwald to a rose with thorns? That analogy was stunning. Absolutely stunning. Of course you gave me chills to have Ariana hiding among the flowers, hating Grindelwald, wanting to help, when I know what happens next :(

Beautiful work, Karen xxx

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Review #3, by Veritaserum27 Showdown

4th December 2015:
Hi ho!

This is the little Beth elf stopping by to leave you a review for the Advent Calendar Event - Day 3. I realized that somehow (I have no idea), I've never left a review for you - so here I am.

And I have to say that it is a crime that I've never stopped by your Author's Page before! This chapter is beautifully written - evoking images and so much tension and little Arianna at the end. You really know how to start a story of properly!

They way you've managed to characterize all of the three boys (really, let's call them what they are - for they are boys playing a man's game) AND managed to keep the drama running high is amazing. It felt like an action scene, even though they were at a standstill.

Arianna's little vignette at the end was perfectly lovely. She was so sweet and timid, but not the least bit clueless. I could tell by that little paragraph that she has all her thoughts tied up in her head and can't quite get them out. As she plays with the flowers and makes the connection between her brothers and Gellert. She feels safe and I just know what's going to happen so you've broken my heart!

Fabulous first chapter!

♥ Beth

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Review #4, by alicia and anne Showdown

29th July 2015:
HELLO! I AM FINALLY HERE!! YAY!! Sorry about the lateness of this, food happened and then a skype call and I got distracted but I am here now!

Oh no! It's a scene with the Dumbledore's and Gellert, I just know that this is going to end in sadness. :(

You've done such a great job showing he tension between Gellert and Aberforth, how each of them are squaring up to the other, with Albus in the middle. I feel like if he had to choose he would choose Gellert without a single thought for his siblings and that makes me sad. :(

Gellert is so mean about Aberforth, he's not a nice person at all it seems and I don't like it.

*Waves team Aberforth flag*

Those were some seriously beautiful descriptions at the end, comparing the flowers to Gellert. And how she sees just how dangerous Gellert is.

Such a brilliant first chapter! I can't wait to read more of this! Fantastic work!

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Review #5, by apondinabluebox Showdown

1st June 2015:
Hello, Karen!

Firstly, I'd like to apologise for the delay in leaving this review. Real Life was a meanie to me, and then the internet froze and crashed while I was writing the first version of this review... *grumbles* Anyway! Onto the review!

I'm really intrigued at how you've started off this story. The typical structure of an Albus/Gellert story starts with them meeting, and ends with the three-way duel that killed Ariana, but you've made this an unique story straight away by having this scene at the beginning. I love the way you've characterised Albus and Gellert, how Albus is naÔve and innocent enough to assume that he and Gellert will take Aberforth and Ariana with them without giving thought to the impracticalities of such a thing, while Gellert is cruelly dismissive of their familial bonds -- and yet, it doesn't feel like he's deliberately ignoring them. He's just so wrapped up in his goals and dreams that he's come to see them as obstacles, not people.

And Ariana! I loved your description of the way she perceives Gellert, like a flower with thorns. Attractive, tempting, charming -- until you get too close. Quite accurate, although I think Gellert would find such a comparison quite offensive :P

I noticed that the first five paragraphs all started with the words "It" and "The". It's not terribly detracting from the story, but it does come across as a little repetitive -- I'd advise restructuring the sentences so that they start with different words. Another thing I noted is that you use full stops to end dialogue tags when you should use a comma. For example, this sentence:

"This has nothing to do with you or your sister." Gellert said

should actually be,

"This has nothing to go with you or your sister," Gellert said

It's not a major thing, but fixing that would really improve the quality of your writing and allow the prose to flow more smoothly. (Personally, I'm a grammar nerd, so I kept tripping over that while I was reading.) I did the same thing when I first started writing on HPFF, but there was this fabulous thread on the forums that really helped me. I'm not sure if it's still around after the recent cleanup, but I'll try to find it and link you to it because it's a great resource to have.

Overall, you've come up with a fabulous beginning to a new story, and I could really feel the tension in the room and visualise the three boys there, and Ariana hiding outside in the shrubbery. It's a really good chapter that just needs a little minor tweaking, but overall, I love your characterisation and emotional description!

I enjoyed reading this, thank you for the swap!



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Review #6, by The Basilisk Showdown

24th May 2015:
Hello little Hufflepuff. It is I, The Basilisk, come here to review your story. Hiss Hiss.

Thisss was very interesting. I enjoyed how you captured the moment right before the duel starts and shown it from Ariana's point of view. Your dessscriptions are absolutely lovely and I can easily see everything happening in front of me.

Your imagery of the scene is wonderfully done and I liked how you made good use of narrative as well as dialogue in balance here. Ariana's characterisssation is very well done, her worry for her brothers and Gellert's intentions/actions nicely portrayed. Her thoughts are very realistic.

Now, it will be definitely very interesting to see what the remaining chapters are like from the point of view of the others. Your writing style is good, you have a smooth flow and your grasp on the overall feel is lovely.

All in all, I enjoyed reading thisss a lot and you've pleassed me greatly with this little chapter. I shall not eat you and you can make sure not to look into my eyes. Good job!

Hiss Hiss,
The Basilisk

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Review #7, by LadyL8 Breakdown (Aberforth)

3rd May 2015:
Hi again, Karen. Iím back with my last review (for now). Iíve favourite-d your story as well as added it to my reading list, because I still think it looks interesting and Iím really curious about how things will go. So Iíll probably be back at a later point, but that will be after Iím finished with my promised review.

Anyway, over to the chapter. I will, once again, comment on different parts as Iím reading, so I wonít know what happens in the end of the chapter when I offer my thoughts on the first part of it. This is actually a change in reviewing style for me, but Iím doing so because I think it will give the author/you a better understanding of what goes through a readers mind the whole way as theyíre reading your story. I might be wrong about that, of course, but Iíll give it try! :)

Again I find it interesting that you start with song lyrics. Like I said in the last one, I havenít actually heard the song, but I think (from what little Iíve seen from it here) it fits your story well. Just from reading the lyrics, I can already tell that itís going to be a difficult chapter for the characters, maybe itís mostly for Aberforth since itís his chapter. And considering the last chapter was about the battle the night Ariana died, I immediately think this one might happen right after sheís died. Maybe that is why itís a hard chapter for Aberforth. But it could just as well be right before the battle, now that I think about it, because Aberforth and Ariana had just found out their brother was leaving and they didnít want him too. Iím curious nowÖ

Ahh, itís right after the first chapter. I didnít see that coming, but it makes sense, now that I think about it. But I was partly right, seeing as there is a flashback to when Ariana found out about Albus and Gellertís plans. Oh, poor Ariana. Iím feeling sorry for her now, and I canít help but feel a little bit angry at Albus as well. What kind of guy would just leave his two younger sibling, one og which needs care all the time? Shameful, Albus, very shameful..

Ooh, heís not leaving them anyway. Thatís amazing. You go, Albus, donít be Gellert! You are right, they are youíre responsibility. And can I just say that was very believable of him. I really canít imagine the Albus we know from the book (and yes, I know he was like a million years older than he is here) doing something like that. As much as I donít like Dumbledore, I have got to give him credit for being so smart and for caring about those around him, even if he couldíve done things a little differently when it comes to Harry. But Iím not here to discuss that.

Another flashback. Wow, I havenít actually noticed this before, but itís really interesting to see how different the two brothers are. Albus is very quiet, reflective and well-spoken in a way, while Aberforth is more driven by feelings and actions. I suppose that could be why the two of them always seem to clash, because itís kind of why me and my sister always clash as well. Weíre just too different, but of course we still care about each other - weíre siblings after all - and so do Aberforth. You can tell he really does care about his older brother. He worries about his heart, and hates Gellert for what heís doing to Albus, and thatís very believable, if you ask me.

Wow. That was an amazing dialogue there at the end. I could really tell there were a lot of feelings behind the words, anger, desperateness, sadness and a worry. Iím amazed at how you managed to get all of that across in only a dialogue, because you really did. It was great, really, and Iím so excited to see where it will go next. Weíre getting closer and closer to Arianaís death, and I have a feeling thatís going to be heartbreaking but at the same time exciting from a readerís POV. Good job on the story, I canít wait for the next chapter!

Thanks for letting me come by this time. Iíll try and come back to this story once itís updated, but you may have to wait until Iím done with my promised reviews. But Iíll be back eventually, thatís for sure, because I loved this story. 10/10!

And may you have a wonderful day! :D

Lotte

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Review #8, by Crumple-Horned Snorkack Showdown

3rd May 2015:
Greetings, Karen! I am the Crumple-Horned Snorkack, an elusive creature of the northern forest. Very few humans have ever sighted a Snorkack, because we are masters of camouflage with the trees - but today I have stepped out of hiding in the woods for long enough to leave you this review.

I am a huge fan of the Albus/Gellert pairing and there are FAR too few stories about them, so it was wonderful to stumble upon this on your page! And you've started it in probably the most intense scene ever - it's instantly engaging and suspenseful (even though I know how it ends, it's still so intense!) You've set up Aberforth and Gellert's argument really well, with Albus unsure of whose side to take - but most of all, Ariana in the rosebushes is so perfectly written as she watches and evaluates.

That ĎGellertí reminded her of such things: a beautiful flower on the surface, sweet, alluring and promising much all the while hiding deadly thorns underneath, thorns now poised and ready to strike and stab both of her brothers. -- wow, I really love the imagery here - this sentence is superb! And quite astute of Ariana. I love what you've done with her character in only a few short paragraphs. She sounds like a smart girl - the type of girl who knows about the existence of Crumple-Horned Snorkacks.

This is such a good start! I'm glad I found this story as it is really interesting so far. But now, I must depart to meet my best friend Bigfoot in the woods for tea. Cheerio!

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Review #9, by LadyL8 Showdown

2nd May 2015:
Hi again Karen *waves*

Do you remember back when I said Iíd leave 4 reviews for every participant in the review hot seat event? It was temporarily put aside while I left the anon reviews, but Iím now back to finish what I started. So here comes a hopefully more helpful review (and one that is easier to respond to) than the Hannah Abbott one :P

Iím going to start Ďat first glanceí. I think the story looks amazing. Looking at your authorís profile, itís the one that immediately captures my attention. Itís partly because the banner is stunning (PhoenixFire did an amazing job with that one). It was really a wise decision of you to have someone make you a banner. I hate to admit it, but the banner those make all the difference when it comes to choosing a story. At least for me, I canít really speak for everyone. The title is powerful, and I canít help but wonder what the story will be about. And the summary is also good. I like when the summary is just a question, and especially when it is as well-asked as here, because Iím always intrigued by why the author/you would ask me that. So to sum up, Iím just so excited to read the story, just by looking at it from your AP.

(Little note here; Iím reviewing as Iím reading, so keep in mind that I donít actually know what will happen next when Iím commenting on the different parts of the story)

Okay, so over to the actual story. I havenít heard the song before, so for me it was a really interesting start. It was almost like a rhyme, poetry of sorts, which I think would be very fitting for Albus as a character. And itís so open but I still understand thereís a powerful meaning behind it, a showdown or a conflict of sortsÖ maybe between two friends or lovers. Knowing itís about Albus, it immediately makes me think it might have something to do with the showdown between Gellert and him or the night Ariana was killed.

And it is the latter. And that is a very interesting scene, I must say. I havenít read many Albus/Gellert stories, Iíll admit, but the ones I have read is set long before this happened, usually at a time when Gellert was yet to be Ďfullyí evil. So Iím looking forward to seeing what youíll do now, seeing as this is the first chapter and we know that Gellert disappears from Albusí life for a while after Arianaís death. Maybe youíll go back in timeÖ hmm, this is just getting more and more interesting.

Wow. That was some amazing description, right there. I can practically see them standing in a triangle - Gellert and Aberforth at odds, Albus in the middle not really sure what to do, and Ariana hiding somewhere close, hoping everything will be over soon. Thereís a very clear tension there, in fact I can almost feel it as Iím reading about it. Itís just amazing. I loved that. Youíre good at description!

The characters are good as well. You really captured them, in my opinion. I loved the dialogue, but note Sianís comment in the review about your punctuation. Other than that, everything was just amazing. I really loved the story, and Iím excited to see where youíll be going with it.

Lots of Love

Lotte

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Review #10, by nott theodore Showdown

1st May 2015:
Karen! Hi! Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry that this review is coming so late but I got caught up Skyping a friend and various other things, and then I finally get the chance to come and read this story - which has been on my reading list for ages - and I find out that you mention me in your author's note, which is so incredibly sweet and exciting!

First of all, I love the title of this story - there's something very powerful about it, particularly with all the religious imagery that it conjures up. For some reason it seems to fit very well in my mind with Albus and Gellert and the period this story is going to be about; I'm really interested to see if you're planning on exploiting any religious imagery in future chapters to continue the theme.

I also think this is a very original choice of scene. There aren't that many stories about Albus and Gellert full stop, but I don't remember ever reading one which focuses on this moment - I've only ever skimmed over it in stories, trying to keep it ambiguous, so to see a story delve right into what happened is so interesting.

You did a really great job of creating the tension in this story. From the first line of the chapter, it was clear that there was something very serious about to happen - it was like it was almost inevitable that they were going to end in duelling, as we know will happen. That makes it even more poignant and sad to read.

I thought you wrote the dialogue of the characters here really well, and their body language as they spoke. I thought Gellert's play on words with the nanny/goat comment was clever and in character for the sort of sharp person that we know he must have been.

One thing I would point out is that you might want to just go over your dialogue tags again. A lot of your dialogue should end with a comma rather than a full stop, so, for example, this:
'ďWe should be on our way soon Albus.Ē Gellert said'
would be:
'ďWe should be on our way soon Albus,Ē Gellert said'
As you can see it's not something that has a lot of impact on your actual story but refining that would make it look neater overall.

I really liked the situation that you had these characters in, Gellert not realising that Albus had intended to take his brother and sister with them on their quest for glory and then it slowly coming to blows. It rings very true - we never get a full account of what was said and done in the books but I enjoyed your take on it.

I felt so sorry for Ariana here! She's so helpless and vulnerable, caught in the middle of this and not wanting to see them fighting but at the same time unable to prevent it. It's just even more tragic when we know what the eventual outcome of this will be, and what's going to happen to her because she does try and help!

Thanks for agreeing to do a review swap with me - I really enjoyed this!

Sian :)

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