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Reading Reviews for All that Glitters
13 Reviews Found

Review #1, by AngelEyez3954 August 1979: In Blood

30th April 2016:
Hi There!

I'm here for the TGS Review Exchange!

This is a great first chapter - the intrigue and mystery regarding the narrator is very well done. It's funny - my initial thought regarding the narrator was Peter Pettigrew, so when I got to the first feminine pronoun, I had to take a double take!

I enjoyed reading about a Death Eater initiation - I like your take on it, but I did find it a bit odd that Voldemort would refer to the narrator as "daughter." I find Voldemort considering his Death Eaters to be family as a bit hard to believe.

Overall, I love this story so far - the chapter is well-written and your descriptions are realistic and really set the dark tone of this chapter. Great job - I can't wait to read more!


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Review #2, by AdinaPuff August 1976: Laughter and Hope

29th March 2016:

This whole thing has left my mind churning. I can't figure out what happens to her! Obviously that's the point, we'll piece it together eventually. And you write the mystery so well! I keep trying to pick different pieces out to figure out the puzzle, but I just can't find the correct pieces.

I like that she's a Hufflepuff. It gives her more character, if you ask me. She's not a Slytherin or Gryffindor as expected. Anyone can fall victim to the power evil has, anyone can fall apart in war. And you show that so well just by placing her in Hufflepuff and having her be friends with Amelia Bones. I just love that so much.

I really am dying to figure out what happens. Is she faking it? Maybe she's a part of the Order and is putting herself in that position like Snape. One can only dream :p or she did it to protect someone. Or maybe she genuinely fell apart. Maybe she fell in love. Ugh I can't figure it out but I cannot wait to read more about it!

Can't wait for more Sirius. And more answers. This was a really good read and I enjoyed it a lot. I'll be watching for updates!!

- Leigh xx

Author's Response: Hi Leigh! Thank you for your review!

Is it awful to say i'm glad you're not sure what's going on with her and how she could have fallen so far? I want the pieces to come together slowly. This is very much a story of how anyone can be torn apart by war for some reason (not telling!). I don't think it's always as simple as you're for the light side or your against them. I reckon being in that situation is complicated and you could easily become a person you never thought you could be with the right stressors.

You'll have to tune in to see the reasons (if there are any, I mean she could have just fallen apart or become disillusioned by the whole fight and gave up). I'm going to try to make them realistic. The one thing I like about formatting it the way I have is that you see her in the DE's robes, but then you also see her in chapters where she's friends with Amelia and seems simply happy and cheerful. I like the contrast of it.

Sirius will be coming in all his glory :) Probably not in the next chapter, but the one after that he'll make an appearance. Though, not a huge one I wouldn't think.

Thanks for the review!


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Review #3, by naflower05 September 1979: My Own

7th February 2016:
Interesting story! I read the original and I'm liking the remake. As I remember the original went continuously backwards in time, I like this better, it works really well. Update again soon. :)

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! The very original did go backwards in time and as much I liked that, there were bits and pieces of the story that I had to leave out because of it. I ended up deciding that the story was becoming a lot bigger in my head and needed to be told in another way. I hope that this structure works! Hope you continue to read!

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Review #4, by Beeezie June 1976: Fireworks

20th July 2015:
Back for chapter two!

Yeah, your writing has definitely gotten smoother. I'm not saying that it wasn't good before, obviously, and it's been years since I read the first version of ATG, but I remember it as being a little choppier, particularly when it came to little grammatical stuff. That's not the case now. Everything flows so smoothly, and you've got so many amazing one-liners. He liked to be entertained. James usually was the only one who could do this on an hourly basis was probably my favorite of them - it sums up Sirius and James's friendship so well and with such snarky presentation. I love it - and I also love the flirty/slight sexual tension vibes I got between her and Sirius. It was deftly done, and really made me like them as a couple despite everything I know is going to happen (since, you know, she's becoming a Death Eater three years later). I really got a great sense of Eleanor's personality beyond her relationship with the Marauders, too - the excuse to McGonagall cracked me up. One little thing that did strike me about this chapter, though, is that you take a very long time to actually say Eleanor's name, and it's not stated in the first chapter or the story summary, either. It's not a huge problem there - not using her name actually works for the first chapter because it makes it feel more anonymous and removed - but given that, I'd have liked to see it mentioned earlier here. Overall, though, I loved this, and I'm so glad I'm reading this now.

Ravenclaw - House Cup 2015

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Review #5, by Beeezie August 1979: In Blood

20th July 2015:
Hey, Zayne! I've been looking forward to checking out this rewrite but haven't had time. Yay good excuse!

I really enjoyed this the first time around, but with this rewrite, you've definitely taken it to the next level. Your description is so vivid, and it brought both the setting and Eleanor's experience to life. A stark, harsh life, but I wouldn't expect anything else from this story. It's such a fascinating premise, and I loved it from the start - looking at how people fell to the dark side who weren't all "Grr Mudbloods, get off my lawn" (or whatever) is so fascinating, and I feel like it's a nuanced perspective we definitely don't get from the books and also tend not to get from fanfiction. You tackled it beautifully here, though, from the very first line. The "lost dog" comment in particular was really evocative, both on face value and in terms of Eleanor's relationship with Sirius. (I'm not sure if that's intentional on her part, but it's definitely where my thoughts went.) I really wanted to dislike Eleanor here - I mean, she's signing over to be an agent of incredible evil - but I didn't this time any more than I did in the first draft. I just felt sad for her and that she'd fallen this far.

This was really wonderful. Onward to the next chapter!

Ravenclaw - House Cup 2015

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Review #6, by teh tarik August 1979: In Blood

3rd June 2015:
Hello Zayne! I'm here for the May Review Exchange, and I'm so terribly sorry for being late with this. *hides*

Anyway, first, I'm so glad to see that you're working on this fic again! I remember reading the first few chapters more than a year ago, and reading the new revamped first chapter brought all those chills back. I think you've made this new version much darker than the old story, and I think it's a great choice, especially since this chapter is such a terrifying one.

I must say you really portrayed your main character's situation and her emotional state with so much detail; I kept wishing that there was way for her to turn back, to not choose the path that lay before her. There was a sense of horror but also despair as the chapter progressed, and I think the part where she began swearing the oath to Voldemort was such a tense, climactic and amazingly well-written moment of this chapter.

Goodness, Voldemort is terrifying! And true to his canon self. I really admire your characterisation here: how effortlessly evil your Voldemort appears to be. And of course, I love the introduction of your main character, tragic though her story may be. I want to find out her future choices, what sort of awful tasks she'll be forced to undertake as a Death Eater.

Also, this has got to be one of the best Death Eater initiation ceremonies that I've read about in fic! So many clever touches and details, e.g. Voldemort's use of Legilimency.

Anyway, this is a brilliant first chapter, Zayne! I really loved this and I hope to be able to read more soon. Great work, and I hope you continue to write and churn out these chapters! ♥


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Review #7, by Shadowkat June 1976: Fireworks

19th May 2015:
Interesting way to structure a story, I like it. :)

I think this has potential, and there's not much to add from the last review, though I'm surprised she's a Puff, strikes me more as a Gryffindor or Ravenclaw.

I did spot some things that can be fixed, though.

Some CC:

"The carriage pulled to a stop ("at Hogsmeade station" you can mark this out, because it says where in the next sentence).(, "and", you can combine for a better flow.) It seemed quite final, now that we were at the station."

Youd think that after five years Id see this coming, but she gets me every year(time would sound better than year, since year has already been used).

Our OWLs were over.(,and) We were officially finished the fifth year hell.

I snapped my head up to see Sirius standing by the carriage(,) ruffling his long hair.

Sirius simply shuffled his feet around(,) looking sheepish.

I can make that a reality, Sirius growled(,) lifting up his wand. (And growl implies he's angry, before it seemed he wasn't. Why not put "he answered cheekily. That sounds more like his tone in this situation.)

She always seemed high strung, but then probably the only one who could keep up to(with would sound better) James.

All and all this is interesting. Nice job. :)

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Review #8, by Shadowkat August 1979: In Blood

19th May 2015:
Sorry this took so long.

This is looking interesting, to say the very least. From the looks of things, I'm guessing Death Eaters killed her family? If so I'm curious to why she joined. Can't be for power or anything like that, it doesn't match with her situation. Maybe someone else she cares about had been threatened? I don't see anything short of that to make her go, if it was her own choice I'd imagine she'd do anything to fight against them. Guess we'll just have to wait and see.

You do have a few places where you've repeated unnecessary words, like here:

"I followed them up the stairs and they pushed open the thick door with their hands spread out fully on the door."

You don't need door twice, as it seems repetitive.

Other than that everything looks good. The plot seems interesting, the description paints us a vivid picture, the writing flows, and the characterization already is fleshing out. All in all I really like what you're doing here.

I like how clear her emotions and thoughts come across without being muddled, and the little added bits that make the writing pop out. You're doing a very good job at this and I can't wait to see what you have planned for chapter two. :)

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Review #9, by TreacleTart June 1976: Fireworks

19th May 2015:
Hello again!

Ready for chapter number two! It looks like this chapter will be going in a completely different direction than the last one. I have to wonder, is this character here in the second chapter the same character as in the first chapter? Are we getting to see the back story of how she ended up becoming a Death Eater?

It was nice to see some familiar faces. I like that you wrote Peter in a realistic way. Too often I see stories where his character is colored by the authors hate for his betrayal, but when they were all of school age he was still one of their friends. I thought you showed that quite well.

Your writing in this particular chapter is quite a bit different than the last chapter. It seems that you used less imagery here and more dialogue and action. It seems to fit though because the last chapter was so eerie, so the poetic, flowy description seemed to add to that. This chapter is obviously much lighter, so the quicker pace and more straightforward storytelling seems to work.

Now onto a bit of constructive criticism. I did notice a handful of typos in this.

We were officially finished the fifth year hell. Wed officially finished the fifth year hell. Or We were officially finished with the fifth year hell.

The students seemed to in awe of our performance seemed to BE in awe of our

but then probably the only one who could keep up to James. keep UP with James

Amelia, your majesty, you damn trunk is getting loaded. your majesty, YOUR * trunk is getting loaded.

Another interesting chapter. I can't imagine what's coming in the next one.


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Review #10, by TreacleTart August 1979: In Blood

18th May 2015:
Hi there!

So I'm here for our swap. I know I only need to review after reading the last chapter, but I'm actually a big fan of leaving reviews on each chapter I read, so here I am.

This was a very intriguing start. Just your author's note at the beginning had me intensely curious about what was to come. I'm not the biggest fan of fluff or happy ever after type stories, so this seemed like it would be right up my alley.

I think first person POV was the perfect choice for this story. It really gave us a lot of insight to what the main character was feeling and thinking as she went through all of this. Her thoughts really gave a lot of depth to the story and made me wonder precisely why she was joining the Dark Lord since she didn't seem particularly thrilled by him. In fact, it seemed almost as if she was just doing what she needed to do to survive.

Your specific writing style is so lovely in this. The imagery, the way you phrase things. It's all quite lovely. I love how you described the building and the way the doors opened. There were so many fantastic little details that really built this detailed picture of what was happening.

Great start! I can't wait to see what happens next!


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Review #11, by The Summer Snake June 1976: Fireworks

5th May 2015:
Greetings from The Summer Snake! I have recently slithered out of hibernation and discovered this amazing place with such amazing stories, so I want to read and review as many as I can before I go back into hibernation!

So, I've decided to review this chapter because after the first chapter I couldn't stop reading and slithered over to this one. You have done a nice job with both chapters I'd say. I love your characterisation of your main character (MC) so far.

In the first chapter, it was all so dark and this is exactly the opposite. Makes me wonder what happened in three years that made your MC change so much and switch over to the Death Eaters. I also enjoyed her interaction with Sirius this chapter. What I found nice was the inclusion of Peter as people often leave him out of marauder era stories even though he was one of the marauders.

Gah I am going about this review in a haphazard way but honestly, this was a great two chapters and I am really liking the story. The darkness in the previous chapter, the ceremony, MC's thoughts were nicely done and make me curious to know her further. This chapter's light mood, the setting, the interactions were also entertaining and I wanted to keep on reading.

All in all, you have a nice little story here so I hope you keep writing. *spreads summer cheer for you*

Ooh look the time is ticking. I have to find more wonderful stories like yours. I'm off to explore more of this wonderful sun! See ya!

And yes, if you want to try and guess who I am, here's a clue: I have recently finished Uni.

With love,
The Summer Snake

Author's Response: Gah! I will find out who you are! You just wait!

Thank you so much for going through both chapters! I'm pleased you're like how Eleanor is characterized and that the chapters sort of 'gelled' together. Simply because they are completely different tones it's hard to know if it's too jolting to go from the darkness of the first chapter to something like this one. But it made sense for me to start her other timeline here.

Peter. I agree, he's always omitted or seen as an idiot. He was a marauder though and i'd like to show him as one in this. It's more interesting anyway, for a character like Peter to be where he was (in the light) and then to break to the point he sells out his best friends.

The ceremony of the first chapter was interesting to write. We don't have a lot of basis of what an initiation would look like. I suspect they probably had things they had to go through first to prove themselves before getting the mark. I hope it seemed realistic enough :)

Thank you summer snake for you wonderful review on my story!

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Review #12, by adluvshp August 1979: In Blood

5th May 2015:
Hey! AditiDraco95 from the forums here for the review swap!

Wow, this was amazing. I loved how this is from a death eater's perspective - not a forced death eater but one who willingly walked into their ranks. Her "inner battle" is also nicely described and I'm intrigued how she thinks "her deeds of the past define her" which means she must have done some bad stuff - and probably that's why she's joining the death eaters now. Anyway, her character is very interesting and I'm curious to know her further.

This is definitely a very good starting chapter because you've set the premise very well. The whole 'ceremony' was nicely written and it all had a haunting, eerie feel to it. I can sense this is going to be a dark journey so I'm looking forward to it. I hope to be able to come back and read on. Adding this to my favourites! Great story!


Author's Response: HI

Thanks for stopping by to review! I'm so glad you liked the perspective this is from. I'm hoping to explore her motivations and reasons as the story progresses. It takes a format where it follows two different timelines. I hope it's enough to show a character who's been taken over by the darkness. Who thinks she can't come back from what she's done.

I'm really pleased you thought I got the premise of the story done well. Doing the ceremony was hard because I didn't have a big basis of what it would be like to be ignited. I think there was probably time before where she had to prove herself. This is the capping off experience where she's done enough and they've taken her to Voldemort.

Thank you! I hope you like the rest of the story if you come back!

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Review #13, by ad astra August 1979: In Blood

24th April 2015:
Hey! Here for the review exchange!

I'm already SO intrigued by this opening chapter. The atmosphere of fear and darkness and mystery permeates everything you've written here, and I'm already dying to know more.

From the beginning, you've raised questions about your character and her circumstances, and I love the line the deeds of the days before were caked into my skin like they now defined me - it's stunning, hinting at something dark and sinister and how far your character is from where she wants to be - and then following it up with the line Maybe then my skin would feel clean again rounds it off perfectly. It's such a powerful motif to thread through your opening paragraphs.

I'm sorry for repeating your own words back to you, but this line - It felt like ice, but I knew it would soon change to hellfire - I'm in love with it. Your imagery is spot on in this chapter - fire and shadows and something unclean, creating a visceral sense of wrongness and danger, and your character's resignation to her fate makes it so much more effective - what has happened to her that she accepts a life among the Death Eaters?

This was a fantastic opening chapter, well done!

Author's Response: Hi,

Thank you so much for your review! I'm glad you thought the tone was there! Yes, my character here has had a slow fade from a person she used to be to this. Someone who willingly walks into the ranks of the Death Eaters and accepts that this is where she belongs now because who can be "clean" if you've fallen this far?? At least, according to her. This story will be, hopefully, look at how she's gotten here, but also continue going from here to see the war from a DE's perspective. One who isn't a complete maniac, but who has blood on her hands.

Thank you for taking the time to read the opening! :)

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