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Reading Reviews for The Defenders
  
32 Reviews Found

Review #1, by UnluckyStar57 Chapter Four

26th February 2016:
Hey Vicki! Here for our swap! ♥

Omg, I so love this story, and this chapter just increased my love for it. It might be a filler, but it's more than just empty fluff--there's so much going on!

Okay, I love how you've got Clara in such an interesting position--she's got a lot of power, especially since most of the people in the Defenders are so impressed by her talents, but even still she is in a position of weakness. Why? Because she's a WOMAN in VICTORIAN WIZARDING ENGLAND. Hot dog, lemme deconstruct this real quick.

Women in late Victorian society actually had some ability to own property, though they still didn't have the vote. Spinsters and single ladies were looked on as weirdos, but they still had more liberties than they did in the past. I shouldn't go into specifics since I'm trying to apply this to fanfic, lol. Anyway, Clara is a single lady in a time when single ladies were all too common in Britain, and so her power and independence is obviously a huge threat to the men. She's got that wandless magic going on, and somehow I think that this mysterious Badd'un (the ringleader) would be most interested in that indeed.

AND YET she is still susceptible to being sexualized and demeaned by men. Ooh, Tristan Durrigan is a TOAD FACE, WOW. Especially in Victorian times, to make lewd comments about sex and/or nonconsensual sex is NEVER OKAY. I mean, these people covered up their table legs for fear of exciting the passions of young lads!

BUT EDWIN OMG...! It would seem that he's really channeling Thornton here, but much more violently. Clara's honor needs to be defended, and even though she could probably do it herself, the point wouldn't hit home (haha, pun) as much as it did when Edwin resorted to physical violence. Dang, that's some crazy stuff. MULTIPLE punches to the face!

...hate to say it, but it kind of makes me think that there's something going on there. I love Dugald, but Edwin is this weird Dark Horse kind of guy with a hotheaded streak a mile wide. He's all about honor--very Darcy, which I approve--but he's not afraid to defend honor with less-than-honorable means. Totally fits in with the contradictions already in place in the Victorian consciousness! I mean, I'm way cool with it if Clara ends up single, but I'm sensing a sort of weird triangle thing between her, Dugald, and Edwin. Will anything happen? I can't even know right now, so I'm not going to predict!

In other news, I'm loving that you're still working on characterization for your other characters while the main action is somewhere else. First of all, we've got Professor Dixon, who's definitely a Wise Old Man with a Wise Old Plan. He's not so rooted in the old traditions that he ostracizes Clara, though, which is great. I love how he consoles her without being condescending. Then there's Theodora, who is just Grandma-y enough without being the milk-and-cookies kind. The image of her smoking a cigarette and being all pragmatic is just priceless! And of course, in the forefront we have Edwin, who might be covering things up a little bit. Mysterious man just got more mysterious!

Most of all, though, I really appreciate that Clara is still allowed to retain some of her early-twenties fragility--I mean, we ALL have it, and she's just recently been exposed to this crazy world. Of course, she's bearing up REALLY well and has this insane ability to perform magic without a wand, but watching a dude punch another dude AFTER battling with the latter dude takes its toll on a girl. (If that sentence made any sense, lol.) She has to recover, and that's where we're at right now.

I really look forward to your next chapter! *puppy dog eyes* This story is so incredible, and reading it again has made my day better!

♥Mallory

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Review #2, by maraudertimes Prologue

20th January 2016:
Hello! Thank you for the review swap!!! :)

Wow, this is really intense isn't it? Before I get started on one of my rambling reviews, I just wanted to point out at the start, you mention people outside are all in black so people who aren't going inside the church have insight onto what's going on and then you go on to say that everyone had on purple or green, which was confusing and I had to reread that part a few times. Might I suggest saying that those in purple and green were instead, say, peppered throughout the crowd? Or there was a large group in a corner? Other than that...

This was amazing. I loved how you start on a serious note and kind of ended on a more upbeat but still serious note.

It must be awful to be alone in the world, so I have no idea what Clara might be feeling. I do think it's odd that her grandfather never let her leave the house, especially that she was home schooled in magic as she doesn't seem to have any friends. I wonder as to why her grandfather was so insistent she stay away from the public.

I love how you introduced Professor Dixon and that he was smart enough to dress in black but with a purple tie. It subtly shows that he's extremely intelligent - something a Hogwarts professor should be. I also loved how you introduced the others. Mrs. Ollivander seems a bit fiesty and I quite like her :P

Ooh, Mr. Clayton seems like a handful. Although for some reason I'm getting a bit of Pride & Prejudice vibe. Kind of an Elizabeth and Darcy scenario. It'd be so cute if she got him to smile :P Honestly though, I liked how he added a bit of intrigue and also some conflict to the chapter as it gave it a bit more depth.

All in all, it was kind of short and lacking in content that I would normally like to see in a story - but it is a prologue so it totally makes sense. ;) I really liked this and I'm hoping to continue reading this - I'm very intrigued! You wrote this amazingly well!

Thank you so much for the review swap! Your story truly is off to a magnificent start!
Lo :)

Author's Response: Hi Lo! You're welcome, I was super excited to read Making the Reserves!

Oh I didn't realise. I'll definitely go back and re-read it and change it. I get really into my writing so I don't always notice things like that but thank you! I'll check that out.

Thank you! I knew from the plot I couldn't start of happy, as such so a funeral seemed the perfect setting for the tone of the story and then at the end, I tried to capture the wonderment of Clara whilst still noting the seriousness of the plot so i'm glad you liked it!

It wasn't so much not letting her leave the house as it was not exploring the wizarding world on her own or visiting places like The Leaky Cauldron - Her grandfather knew of the rising tensions and was just worried, especially with her being home-schooled, that she would be too naive.

Yes, Professor Dixon is extremely smart and I kind of envisage him as an early Dumbledore-like figure, in his intelligence, manner, etc. And Theodora is my favourite character to write - I love her boldness!

The vibes are right, although this was initially based on Mr Thornton and Margaret Hale from North and South by Elizabeth Gaskell - that gave me the inspiration of the characters. but yes, the vibes are similar and i'm glad that comes across. Thank you!

I'm glad you enjoyed this and thank you so much for the swap Lo!

-Vicki


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Review #3, by 800 words of heaven Prologue

20th June 2015:
Hey, hey, hey!

This looks like such an interesting story! I love a bit of mystery, and Victorian mysteries are some of the best out there. Corsets and tophats make everything just that little bit more exciting!

I liked how you started this story with the "it was a dark and rainy night" sort of trope, although the funeral was in the day. I feel rain in London kind of wipes out whether or not it's day or night :P But I think it set the right mood for this story straight off.

I particularly liked how you jumped right into the plot. There was no beating about the bush, no cloaks and daggers, no mysterious men following Clara around everywhere. Just straight to the point. I'm still not sure what The Defenders do exactly, but I think that's the point, since we get to learn along with Clara.

And do I sense the beginnings of a love/hate relationship with Mr Clayton? The "modern" Mr Darcy of Victorian times?

This is a fantastic start to what appears to be a great story. I'll be back soon to read more :)

Author's Response: Hey there! Sorry it's taken me forever to respond to your lovely review!

Haha, yes they do! I love the Victorian era so I have a soft spot for this fic!

Thank you! I needed the perfect setting and after a few tries, this was what I came up with and I thought it was perfect, if I do say so myself!

With this story, I just felt like I had to get straight into it, to catch people's attention - it made me nervous, not giving a back story or building up to it but I think it works well so thank you for picking up on that! Haha, well yes, that's kind of the point so i'm glad that's worked!

Ooooh, I think perhaps we do! You're the only person to pick up on that, which makes me really happy! He'e based on that type of man - Darcy, John Thornton from North and South etc so I hope he comes across well in future chapters!

Thank you so much and thank you for reviewing!

-Vicki


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Review #4, by looneylizzie Chapter One

12th June 2015:
HOUSE CUP 2015 - GRYFFINDOR!!

Okay, now I’ve had a couple of questions answered, but you’ve only left me with about A THOUSAND MORE!!

Why must you tease me? I mean, come on!! I’m feeling like a Hungry Hungry Hippo here!!

Putting my frustrations aside, this chapter is absolutely phenomenal! It’s nice to get a bit more of a look at the dynamic between the members of the Defenders, especially since it seems like they’re dealing with a particularly stressful situation, and that tends to bring out a whole new level of interactions.

Part of me feels bad for Edwin, while the other part wants to laugh at him. I mean, he’s somewhat hostile towards Clara at best, but it’s somewhat understandable given his situation. Especially since she seemed to have come along and pretty much taken over his responsibilities within the group.

But I’m kinda suspicious. Such hostility could be a sign of something much worse. Maybe he’s in cahoots with whomever is attacking these people?

Or am I just being paranoid? I’m probably being paranoid.

Dugald - he’s clearly into Clara… and she seems to be taking that… well? Okay, maybe no, but it’s still kind of adorably awkward.

Mmmm, the kidnappings and deaths are definitely scary, but I think the scariest thing of all is not knowing who is behind it. It’s one thing to fear something specific, it’s another to not know WHAT you should fear. That’s definitely terrifying.

Also, I’m totally loving the bit about the Muggle Prime Minister getting actively involved in Wizarding Politics. It actually makes me wonder what changed so much between this time and the wars. It seems like it’s either something that’s very specific to this particular Prime Minister, or there’s a bit of a regression in the relationship between the Muggle and Wizarding societies after the events of this story.

I don’t even know where to start with the fact that it’s all muggleborns that have been attacked. There’s too many possibilities. I guess I’ll just have to keep reading then, huh?

Till next chapter!!
LL

Author's Response: Lizzie! Your reviews are wonderful!

I'm sorry I've left you with more questions! It's not my intention to tease you, I promise! and now all I can see are Hungry Hippos!

Thank you! I'm definitely blushing here! You're way too kind! I do love the whole groups interactions so i'm glad you enjoyed it!

Hmmm, Edwin is just a grump. it's just his way and secretly, I don't think he hates Clara that much! You are being paranoid but it's a good idea as a sub-plot if my other ideas don't work out!

Always awkward! She's been sheltered, she's not used to people, especially not men and she's just too cute! And I love writing awkward moments!

Honestly, I hadn't thought about that. I just wanted to show that during such a peaceful time - before the wars in both the muggle and wizarding worlds, - both worlds could coincide and live alongside each other. I think maybe towards the end of this, I might explore and start to break down the relationship.it's an idea!

Yes you will! Thanks for the review Lizzie!

-Vicki


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Review #5, by looneylizzie Prologue

12th June 2015:
HOUSE CUP 2015 - GRYFFINDOR!! Hear my oh-so-terrifying rawr! (I know, I’m not that intimidating…)

Anyway, I’ve had this story on my list for a while now, and I have to say, I wish I’d started it sooner!!

There are very few stories that are set in an ‘other era’ here on the archives, and I get really excited when I find one, because they’re always absolutely fascinating and really thought through outside the box.

This one is no exception to that! Already, I’m absolutely fascinated! I have no idea WHO the Defenders are, or WHAT their defending, or WHAT they’re fighting, and I have about a thousand other questions, but I’m excited nonetheless!

Clara’s character is quite interesting! At first I wasn’t sure what to make of her, and then you threw out that she could perform WANDLESS MAGIC!

That when I got REALLY excited. It’s definitely a concept that’s alluded to in the books, but I haven’t seen many references to it or much expansion of it before, so I’m hoping that we get to learn a bit more about it here!

All of the Defenders seem like really interesting people. They’re all very distinct in different ways, and clearly seem to play some specific roles within the group, which makes me very curious about all this.

I think I like Theodora Ollivander best so far though. Her and Professor Dixon. They seem like people I’d get along with. ;)

Also, your descriptions of everything, the people, their clothing, Clara’s surroundings and emotions, are all just fantastic! The image that you’re painting for the reader is very vivid and does a great job of allowing me to imagine myself there.

The last thing that I’ll mention is that I’m amazed that you’ve written this chapter without giving us ANY hints as to what the Defenders actually do! Like, we meet them and we know that they have decided to do something about the disappearances that’ve been happening, but that really doesn’t tell me much either!!

UGH! I must know more!!

I guess that means I’ll have to leave this review and then run off to read more!

Till the next chapter!
LL

Author's Response: Lizzie! I'm sorry it's taken me forever to respond! And you're very intimidating :P

Aww, thanks, i'm blushing here!

I was scared to post this because it is the 'other era' and there isn't much canon and loads of things could go wrong and not work but in the end, I loved the premise too much to not post it! I'm so glad you're excited about it though!

I'm glad you like Clara! I love her so much and as for the wandless magic, I wanted a reason for her to stand out and get her noticed and it's the perfect way to do it!

Everyone seems to like Theodora and this makes me really happy because she's my favourite too. She's so fiesty and fearless and bold and I would love to be her. And Professor Dixon is just ridiculously cute in my eyes!

Thank you! Descriptions were the one area I knew I had to get right so i'm glad you think I have.

Haha, it's all in the plan to make you read more!!

Thanks for the review Lizzie!

-Vicki



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Review #6, by cherry_pop94 Prologue

11th June 2015:
Hi there! Here for the Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015!

I've this story on my reading list for ages now, so I'm glad to finally have a chance to read it!

I absolutely adore the Victoria era, so this is shaping up to be a really interesting read already! It's really amazing how well you've set the scene for this story so vividly already. As this is just the prologue, I'm sure magical Victorian London has much more in store for us!

Your characters are really well written as well. They've each got such distinct personalities and even Clara's grandfather has such a clear personality already.

Anyway, this is a really good beginning and you've definitely caught my attention!

Thanks for sharing!

-Stefi

Author's Response: Hey Stefi! So, this has taken me a while to respond to...I am so sorry!

I love that this was on your reading list - that's just made me grin like a lunatic! Thank you!

I love the era too so that's why I was so determined to write something and The Defenders happened! Thank you! I was so conscious about getting the setting right, I've done so much research!

Thank you! I am so happy you think so! I love all of the characters so much and I wanted them to stand out individually so i'm glad they do!

Thank you so much! And thank you so much for this review!

-Vicki


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Review #7, by UnluckyStar57 Chapter Three

11th June 2015:
Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015

I meant to review this aaagggeesss ago, but here I am, better late than never!!

Okay, so I must first say that I'm reading North and South right now, and Margaret Hale has NOTHING on Clara!! Margaret is kind of a Mary Sue-ish character, in that everyone falls in love with her instantly and she's sooo perfect, but Clara is super amazing. She has guts, she knows what she's doing and how to do it, and she doesn't let any man talk down to her. And I don't think she's Mary Sue-ish at all, because she's so obviously not perfect. She's raw, and I really like that about her.

Combat scene in the Leaky?! EPIC. One point of confusion--was Clara doing wandless magic? Please excuse me for being dumb, but I didn't catch any mention of a wand, and yet it didn't seem to be too big of a deal to the other members of the Defenders when they showed up. Or has it already been addressed in a previous chapter? I must reread, silly forgetful brain of mine.

Anyway, battle scene. Clara does NOT play that "oh, I'm an innocent girl" card at all, and that is sooo cool. She just sort of goes "yoo hoo!" and knocks them out. I especially loved it when she was all like, "Oh, look after Edwin, because I'm pretty much fine." This time period in the Wizarding World is quickly exposing itself as one where women CAN be seen as equal to men, but they have to act like a super macho man in order to be seen as equal. And that isn't cool, but hey, that's what Clara's working on combating, even as she combats those creepy guys.

Ooh, Tristan worked for the Ministry? I wonder what's up with that? Is he a link to the deaths of those people from previous chapters? The mystery keeps on getting more and more mysterious!

I must mention the "truce" between Edwin and Clara. Sure, they "truced," but how long will that last? Will they hold an uneasy peace for now? Will they go right back to bickering? Honestly, I really see Edwin as the Mr. Thornton figure, but that confuses me because I still ship Dugald and Clara... Whoops. Maybe Edwin will turn out to be a pleasant friend? At this late hour, I really can't predict anything. :P

Another fab chapter, seriously, you've got me begging for more of the story as usual. If your Muse is being mean to you, please give her a swift kick in the butt from yours truly. :)

♥Mallory

Author's Response: Hey Mallory! Once again, I am so sorry it's taken me forever to reply!

I adore your reviews so much!

Haha, she's only vaguely based on her - it was more the relationship with Mr Thornton that i've taken inspiration from, not Margaret herself because she is sort of Mary-Sue-ish and she thinks way too much of herself! But I am so glad you love Clara as much as I do because she's my favourite!

She was and it has been mentioned, by Professor Dixon but i'm not sure what chapter, possibly after the prologue?

I feel as though because she's been sheltered so much and isn't exactly well-versed in society that she just doesn't give a crap about what women should do and just does whatever she wants because it's the right thing to do! I don't think it makes her seem equal, not in Edwin's eyes and I don't think that's what she thought when she got involved - she just wanted to help and that's all she wants to do in the end, regardless of societal values and whatnot!

He did indeed and he could possibly be, you'll have to wait and see!

Not long, Edwin can truce to save his life. He's too outspoken, as is Clara so it won't last. And yes! Edwin is very much the Mr Thornton figure.you'll just have to wait.

Thank you for the most amazing review again! It has been but I hope to, after re-reading your reviews especially, that I can get back to writing it or at least re-reading my notes for inspiration!

-Vicki



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Review #8, by Earl E. Bird Prologue

31st May 2015:
Hello! Once again, I, Earl E. Bird, have returned. As you know, I've been speaking on behalf of a friend because this said friend is quite the lazy fellow. But as it turns out, even I, a perfect gentleman, found myself unable to accomplish as much as I had planned to in their absence. So, in order to make up for this, I've decided to leave at least one more last minute review for you.

I beg that you bear with me because I am not much of a reader of historical fiction and may not come across as the sharpest reader in the world in this review.

I've never read about a mixed magical/muggle funeral before. I imagine they'd have to gloss over some aspects of his life during the service because of those in the audience. I'm always interested in witches and wizards that don't completely leave the Muggle world behind. Even Muggleborn magical people seem to totally forget that other half of their lives after finding out that they're magical. But apparently not Milton Manville. Then, maybe things were different in 1870.

I love the idea of the Defenders of the Light. And the name as well. I only wonder what it is they're defending against. The disappearances remind me of the work of Voldemort, which is never a good sign.

I like the way you've given many of the Defenders some connection to canon characters that we know of. It'd very intriguing to find out that some of these people really did have such interesting family members.

In relation to the last line, I am also wondering what she agreed to. Literally. I'd really like to know. This is a very interesting start indeed! Excellent work! I'd give you another clue, but as it turns out, you claim to be 'on to me' as it is. Of course, by that, you must have been referring to my friend that I am speaking on behalf of since I have been very upfront about my identity. My friend, on the other hand--is not the sharpest tool in the shed.

Until next time, Earl. E Bird.

Author's Response: Earl. E Bird - I am so sorry it's taken me forever to respond to your wonderful review!

Thank you so much for your kind words. I'm really glad you liked the connection to canon characters and also the name of the group. Ahh, they are similar to work of Voldemort but you will have to wait and see who is behind it.

Haha, I think she does too. And thank you! And yes, i was most definitely onto you and I thank you again for all the wonderful reviews!!

-Vicki


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Review #9, by Roisin Prologue

31st May 2015:
Hello, here for the swap!

I really haven't read many stories set in other eras, like 19th century, but I absolutely love the idea! I think you set the scene in the beginning really well--it managed to capture the era in a really effortless-feeling way.

Ooh, wandless magic! What an interesting idea! I mean, it makes sense. Wands weren't developed until later, so it has to be a possibility.

My only concrit is the dash on "red/brown hair," I'd recommend swapping it for a hyphen ("red-brown") as dashes are sort of an odd thing in creative prose (unless it's a more modern story and the use of one is meant sort of comically).

You have a really interesting cast of characters, and I can't wait to get to know them all better. All in all, the story feels very original! There isn't a huge amount of canon for this era, and it's entirely possible that culture/government what have you was different then, so I'm excited to see what you do with all that freedom! (If you ever want, though, just to enhance the story: the HP Lexicon has a timeline of all canon/semi-canon events from antiquity on, so you might find a fun thing or two to throw in!)

Thank you so much for the swap! If you're down, maybe we could do a longer swap with more chapters? Let me know :)

xoxo
Roisin

Author's Response: Hi Roisin! Sorry it's taken me forever to respond!

Thank you! I was so unsure about the era and the setting but i'm glad you love the idea! And thank you! I wasn't sure if I overcompensated for my doubt by doing too much description but i'm so glad you loved it!

It's rare but I wanted Clara to stand out and this was the best way!

I will do that, thank you! I hadn't realised I had used a dash so i'll change that when I get around to editing the chapters!

Thank you! Original was what I was aiming for so i'm so glad you've enjoyed this! I will take a look at the Lexicon because i'm always needing a little more info so thank you for that!

Thanks so much for the swap! And of course, i'm interested in a longer swap!

-Vicki


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Review #10, by Flower n Prongs Chapter Three

25th May 2015:
Yay, another new chapter is up!

I was impressed by the action in this scene. I find it difficult to write myself, but you did it very well. Seeing Clara in action - in action without a wand, no less - really illustrated why the Defenders were interested in getting her to join them. That was an impressive show of wandless magic indeed! Yet, despite her skill at it, I was surprised she did not have her wand on her since most witches and wizards feel like they need it. Was this a sign of her skill? (She could have been totally unprepared I suppose, but I somehow doubt that!)

You have done a great job at developing a strong female protagonist who I am really enjoying watch kick butt. But, perhaps more importantly, you were really able to tell how being a woman held her back in this chapter. Not only with the condescending remarks of the men in the Leaky Cauldron calling her "love", but with men on her own side having difficulty being bossed around and outplayed/out powered by a woman.

I'm excited to see how the Ministry worker connects to all this and how the rest of the plot unravels.

A couple minor formatting/grammar issues. There needs to be an extra space before the paragraph starting "Yes but we knew that" near the start of the story. Additionally, the line at the end of that paragraph has a comma at the end rather than a period.

I am going to be adding this story to my favourites. =)

- Rhaenyra

Author's Response: Hey Rhaenyra - again, sorry for taking so long to respond!

I hate writing action scenes and this was so difficult to write - I had to re-do it a couple of times but i'm happy with how it eventually turned out! Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed that - I thought this was the perfect chance to show off her ability! and yes, growing up with her grandfather helping her nurture her skills, I feel as though she's always felt confident enough to not carry her wand and because she's ultimately grown up around muggles in London, she's just never had it on her person before. I hope that makes sense!

Thank you! That was the most important thing for me in this chapter - I wanted Clara to know her limitations in the world she was in but not be held back by them and conform - I wanted her to be strong and to fight for her rights! I used 'love' because i've been called that plenty of times in condescending situations and it's a pet hate!

I'm glad you're excited!!

Thank you for pointing out the errors, I always appreciate another eye looking out for them!

Awww, thank you! that's really made me day!

Thanks for such a lovely review!!

-Vicki


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Review #11, by Aphoride Prologue

11th May 2015:
Hey there - dropping by for our review swap! :) I hope it's okay I stopped by this one - it seemed appropriate given it was nominated for the Diadems, and it looked like such an interesting premise in total; the idea of previous organisations to protect against warfare and so on existing. So cool!

I love how you've taken the little canon bits of information we know about this time - the name of Ollivander's father, and so on - and created your own world sort of around that. It's so clever and the world is so in-depth, even in this first chapter, that I didn't even really notice until the end that there weren't many canon characters in it (and usually I avoid stories with very few/no canon characters in them, tbh) and it really didn't do anything to change my mind about this. All the characters that you've created are so intricate, and so interesting, too, with their different personalities when we first meet them, and their different qualities, and I'm so curious to see where you take them through this.

I especially loved Clara - she's such a great character: clever and young and talented. Though I have to ask: are you by any chance a fan of Doctor Who? Coz the Victorian girl called Clara... :P Just a thought! ;)

Your writing in this was so lovely, too - I loved your dialogue especially, how you got the more formal way of speaking so easily and to sound so natural, too; and your description was amazing - I loved the scene with the graveyard and the funeral, and Clara's mourning. All the little details you put in this, too, about how she wore black for the muggles, not the wizards, and how she'd had to adjust her grandfather's dates to make them seem more realistic for the muggle population, were just so so good.

I'm so curious about where this is going to go - what kind of things, Dark wizards or anything, they're going to have to fight and what's going to happen to their little band of friends. I like how you've got the different mix of careers in here; the mention of the former Minister makes me wonder especially if politics is going to come into this at all. Mm... going to have to catch you in the review battle to finish this, I think ;)

Thank you so much for the swap - I'm so glad I got a chance to read this! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hi Aph! Sorry it's taken me so long to respond to your review! I'm terrible!

I felt like included bits of canon, no matter how small they were, was important to keep a connection to the wizarding world we know now. I didn't want this story to seem too different and stand alone. Well i'm glad it didn't change your mind - that means a lot! Thank you! I really enjoyed introducing the characters and playing with them!

I'm not a doctor who fan, as such but I did take inspiration for the name Clara - it just seemed perfect!

Thank you! I have to try especially hard because I am nowhere near formal speaking myself (I'm from the North of the UK, we don't speak posh haha!) so i'm glad I managed to make that work! Thank you! I love description in stories so I always try and include a lot of it myself because I do think it makes a story! So thank you!

Thank you so much for the swap and the wonderful review!

-Vicki


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Review #12, by LadyL8 Chapter Two

9th May 2015:
Hi Vicki!

So I decided to come back and review the third chapter of this story, since I have done the two former ones. I'm going to be a little bit more critical (if I find a reason to be critical that is) this time than the last ones, simply because I want the story to be as good as possible. But I'll definitely say all the things I like as well, and I already know there's going to be far more of that :)

The opening line is really good. I like that you start with scenery, but I think I may have said something about that in my last review so I'm not going to say a lot about it here. I think your description is good, especially when you describe through the sight like in the second paragraph. You're just really good at capturing the image she is seeing, so I feel like I can almost see it myself. And that's always a good thing!

I know you're British and I'm not even a native English speaker, so I'm probably not the one that should comment on your grammar. But I did notice something; "The Ministry was nothing she had ever expected but at the same time, everything she had imagined". I feel like the comma is a little oddly placed here. I would've rather placed it between 'expected' and 'but', because that sounds a lot better reading-wise. But that's just my opinion, of course, so feel free to disregard it.

I also think this sentence; "Well, I’m 21, which by all means is actually quite old and I know many people believe I should be married with at least 2 children hanging off my skirts,” Theodora laughed at her words," could need more commas. So here's the thing - There's two changes I would've done to this sentence; the first one is adding a comma between 'old' and 'quiet' because it sounds better reading-wise, and the second one is ending it with a period instead of a comma because otherwise the sentence is really long. Adding all of this to the actual sentence, it would be like this; "Well, I’m 21, which by all means is actually quite old, and I know many people believe I should be married with at least 2 children hanging off my skirts,” Theodora laughed at her words." Again, it just my opinion, so feel free to disregard it if you disagree. But other than these two things, I think everything's pretty good grammar wise.

You're amazing at dialogue. I've said this before, but it still stands. I think you're good at holding this balance between spoken lines and description in-between. If you get too much of one of them, the story's either going to feel like it's goes extremely slow or really fast (depending on which one you're having too much of). And a lot of people - me included - struggle with holding that balance, so credit to you for managing that so well. It's really one of your biggest strengths, along with characterisation (I'm not going to speak about that now, since I did in the last review).

So while I have been slightly more critical this time around, I still love the story very much. I suppose you could say I'm very strict when it comes to grammar, but that's only because Law School knocks that right into you on your very first day. So I've just gotten used to always having to check my grammar, and that's why I noticed these small things. I hope you don't feel like I was very mean to you, just like Joffrey was but more serious, because I was really not trying to be. I'm only trying to be helpful, I promise. And I do love the story, you know I do. And I think you're characterisation is so good, I'm actually a little envious over it. And I really can't wait to read the next chapter, because the story is so exciting. And I'm just so curious where it'll go. So keep writing, Vicki! :)

Yours Sincerely

Lotte

(I've added this to my reading list. I'll try to remember checking if you've updated it, so I can be back for the next chapters. Have a wonderful day!)

Author's Response: Hi Lotte! Sorry it's taken me so long to respond!

Thank you! I love description in stories and if I can, I try and flesh out my stories with as much as I can and it was easy to do in this story because there was so much to talk about and describe!

No, no! I always appreciate people picking up on things i've missed so it's fine. I'll definitely take a look at everything you've mentioned. I do tend to rush at times and I can never seem to find my own mistakes so thank you!

Aww, thank you! I always take my time with dialogue because I know it's difficult to get the right balance so I do concentrate on it more so than other parts. But thank you so much! That really means a lot!

Critical is always a good thing! No, honestly, nothing you have said is mean! I do appreciate you picking out parts for me to edit because it helps me out in future stories with grammar.

Thank you so much Lotte! You're the sweetest person ever!

-Vicki


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Review #13, by Flower n Prongs Chapter Two

6th May 2015:
I believe I said in my last review that I would wait until I was going to review you for the next BvB battle, but I couldn't resist reading the next chapter so here I am.

First things first, I have to compliment you on your attention to detail. The Muggle top that the wizard was fasinated by works great with the time period, for example. Also, you had the Ministry of Magic using owls for their memos, just like Arthur Weasley mentioned to Harry in the Order of the Phoenix. I love how Clara even mentioned the issue that they had before they switched over to memos: the droppings. Keeping this canonically consistent for such a unique time period must be a lot of work, so kudos for putting in all the effort to make it blend in beautifully.

I like how you had Clara and Theodora discussing what it meant to be a woman trying to gain power in this time period. Having not only people who are not members of the Defenders, like the Minister, but people who they are supposed to be working with expressing these views is great to see. (Is great the right word? Perhaps not, since it clearly isn't a good thing, but you know what I mean!) Showing Clara's struggles and giving her a mentor of sorts in Theodora is great at building the relationship between them.

I really enjoyed this chapter as well. I can't wait to see what the next one holds. =)

Author's Response: Hey there! I am so sorry it's taken me so long to respond to this review!

Thank you so much, that really does mean a lot to me! I was really conscious to stay in canon with both the era and also what we knew about the wizarding world so I really did research and try my best so thank you! I'm so glad you liked it all!

That was my favourite part to write! I really wanted them to bond - I want Clara to know she's got boundaries to overcome in life but make her so she's headstrong enough to try and fight her way through them! And I think Theodora really is a great mentor for her! She's a force to be reckoned with!

Thank you so much for reviewing!

-Vicki


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Review #14, by Flower n Prongs Chapter One

5th May 2015:
I'm here for the BvB review battle. =)

In response to your Author's Note, I definitely think you are brave and not silly to be taking on a story of this scope. There were clearly so many problems with prejudice in the wizarding world before Voldemort and even Grindelwald, going all the way back to Salazar Slytherin. Examining what happened during the time period where Grindelwald and Dumbledore were teenagers and having their ideas shaped can lead to a greater understanding for why things in the 20th century unraveled the things they did. What you're doing is covering an early domino in the events that characters we see in canon would have lived through.

I think I said this about the prologue but I adore the naming scheme you have chosen here. Not just the fact that you have selected some surnames from canon, but the fact that you have chosen first names that are appropriate to the historical era. Things like Edwin and Theodora do so much to add to the realism. Mentioning a real life British Prime Minister was yet another thing in this. Brilliant! Tying the changes and issues in the wizarding world to changes and problems in the Muggle world at the end of the Victorian period is very unique and I really enjoy it.

(Why yes, I did study in history in university. Could you guess? haha)

The fact that Clara realized the connection between the disappearances has shown a great connection to canon. Additionally, the fact that the events are getting more dire is a good parallel. You're doing a very good job at showing how even when there is clearly a major problem it does not mean that many people are involved. In a way, this reminds me of Order of the Phoenix (perhaps because I'm re-reading it at the moment).

I'm glad that I got to read chapter 2 (er, 1) of this. =)

- Rhaenyra

Author's Response: Hi Rhanyra, sorry it's taken me forever to respond to your lovely review!

Thank you! That really means a lot because I was so worried to take this on!

I did my research, name wise because I wanted it to be as authentic as possible as well as including canon surnames to help link the story with the world. Thank you! I really wanted to add realism to this and authenticity so i'm glad it's worked!

(Haha, yes I can. I would have loved to have studied history!)

Thank you so much! Your words mean so much and they've really given me confidence to continue with this story!

Thank you for the most wonderful review!

-Vicki


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Review #15, by LadyL8 Chapter One

4th May 2015:
Hello Vicki!

I'm here with the promised review. I noticed my 'hunter' Joffrey came by not long ago, and I'm sorry for whatever he said to you. He was just looking for me, because I ran away from King's Landing, you see. But I promise I'll make it up you now by leaving a much nicer review :)

Okay, so I'm just going to start by saying that I really liked the idea. I know Joffrey mentioned that, but I didn't feel like he got that fully across. It's very interesting, because I do believe there would have been other secret "groups" like Order of The Phoenix before the two wizarding wars - groups that dealt with the pre-war stuff, like the growing hostility between purebloods and muggles and muggle-borns. But I've never thought about writing about a group like that and I don't think I've read a story about it neither, so I definitely see this is as a very original story and I like it!

You're biggest strenght in my opinion is your dialogue and characterisation. And these two intertwine very often, because I think your dialogue really show the different characters and their different traits. For example, you can tell that Edwin is not the most pleasant man, but at the same time it can just be a result of stress. And I love when people just show the different characters' traits instead of explaning them, because I think that's more realistic in a way. When I look at my friends, I don't go like 'Okay, now she's being very introverted, like she always is'. I don't think about their traits or explain them to people, I just observe them and let other people do the same. It's not something you think about, really, or at least I don't.

I really liked the first paragraph. You immediately create a very good scene, and I can totally imagine her standing there in the rain with her hood on. It's really good that you start this way, because I think it would've been a little bit more difficult to follow if I didn't where they were and what was going on really. And I'm not sure if this was intended, but to me the rain was almost like a symbol of the situation the wizarding world is in. They're going through a tough time - a rainy period - and just from reading the first paragraph, I figured that was going to be the something they'd discuss in the story. And I was right!

I noticed you've got some comma mistakes. I'm not going to claim to be very grammatically correct myself, but I know that in 80-90 % of the cases there's a comma in front of the word "but" and in 40-50 % of the cases in front of "and". So you could maybe do a quick look-over that, but I totally understand why that could happen. When you write something, you (or at least me) don't actually think too much about the punctuation rules. My advice (and I should probably take it myself) is getting someone to beta-read it, because very often you don't notice your own mistakes even when you've read through it a million times. Beta-reading could also be good story-wise, because other authors often look at the story from a different perspective than your own. But it's just a suggestion of course. If you feel like doing it on your own, go for it! :)

Thanks for letting me re-read it after Joffrey's painful visit. I hope you found this helpful or that it brightened your day, even if it was just a little.

Have a wonderful week!

Hugs

Lotte

Author's Response: Hi Lotte! Thank you so much for this review and I am so sorry it's taken me forever to respond!

Haha, Joffrey was easy to handle, I promise and I took no offence!

Thank you so much! I've always figured there must have been problems before and groups that were organised to help so this is where this idea came from. And i like to think Dumbledore got his idea for the Order of the Phoenix from Professor Dixon.

Again, thank you! I sometimes feel I struggle with dialogue so it really means a lot to say that you think it's one of my strengths here! I prefer to show their traits rather than explain because I think you get a better feel for the character through their interactions with other characters and it's easier to imagine them.

I loved writing the first paragraph and I was really proud of the way it turned out so thank you! I just had to set the scene and I made it a horrible, gloomy day to reflect the mood of the story and of the wizarding world so you were right!

Thank you! I am tempted to get myself a beta - for both old chapters and newer chapters when I start writing it again. I always miss things so a beta is a good idea!

Thank you for lovely review and it has brightened my day!

-Vicki


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Review #16, by chinaglaze Chapter Two

4th May 2015:
Hi there, here from the BvB battle.

I’m really pleased to come back to this story, it is one of the more original things I have read on here, and you are doing a great job with this story.

The description of the Ministry as it might have been is really excellent, I love what you have done with that!

Just a minor observation in this paragraph; ‘“Minister Walters, it has been a while my friend,” Dugald embraced the man like an old friend and his actions were returned whole heartedly. Perhaps they were friends,’ - the word ‘friend’ is in there three times and it is perhaps a little repetitive, I think you could phrase that a bit differently without losing anything.

‘I believe that whoever this man in’, - I think that should be ‘is’

Keep up the good work, and I’ll be very happy to review future chapters.

Author's Response: Hey, sorry for taking so long to respond!

Awww, thank you! That really means a lot to me!

Thank you! I wanted it to be authentic and vivid so i'm glad you enjoyed the description!

Thank you! I will definitely try and rephrase it, I never noticed how many times I had 'friend' in the sentence but thank you for pointing it out!

Thank you so much for reviewing!

-Vicki


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Review #17, by UnluckyStar57 Chapter Two

22nd April 2015:
"I'll review it tonight!" she says as she doesn't review it tonight. Trolol, I'm later than I thought I would be, but here I am to shower your lovely story with more compliments and love!

First, let's start at the end. This whole chapter was like, "TOTAL BABES BEING AWESOME," and "To strong women" is the thesis statement of the chapter and the entire story. Can it be the thesis statement to my life? Because YAAAS.

That being said, I love, love, love how you're incorporating traditional views of Victorian women with modern attitudes about feminism. The Victorian era is that awkward in-between time, and nobody can decide where women should be in society (of course, MEN are usually the ones who can't decide this. The women usually know). So having Clara be such a strong character is 1000% amazing, especially since there are other strong women and she's not just the only girl in a "man's world." Theodora Ollivander for the win!

Oh! Question because I noticed some things--like Edwin, which is reminiscent of Edwin Drood, which is a Dickensian character. Did you name your characters after those in Dickens's novels? If so, that's a really cool parallel, and it makes it even cooler that you've had him become a crossover link between Victorian wizards and Victorian Muggles. Super cool! Except the really interesting thing here is that Dickens always had... weird views of women. Like, he thought that they definitely should have been placed under men in society, but like all good Victorians, he presents contradictory views and the reader has to pick which one works for them. (I prefer to think that women in Dickens novels are struggling to be heard, but their author won't quite let them out yet. He's like one step away from it. But still.) Sorry if I'm being boring and long-winded, but like I've said, Victorians are my favorite weirdos!

Wink wink nudge nudge to Clara's interactions with Dugald!! Love it! Except, another question: How old is he? She's twenty-one, and I know it was the case with lots of Muggle Victorians to have the male love interest WAY older than the female (Jane Eyre was 18, Rochester was 38; Louisa Gradgrind was 20, Josiah Bounderby was 50; etc). But still, if I'm going to ship these two, I don't want them to be vastly separated in age. I can't ignore my modern viewpoint enough to convince myself of it. At any rate, Dugald is hopefully only in his late 20s or early 30s. And I totally ship them right now, so we're good.

(I hope you don't take any of this weird rambling the wrong way. I sincerely love your story, but the insanities of the time period are just too insane to NOT talk about.)

Edwin is awful and the Ministry is ineffective. I'm glad that hasn't changed throughout Wizarding history. :P

Anyway, I really should go to class now, so I'll have to shut up for now. :/ But this is such a great chapter, A++, and I hope that your Muse cooperates enough for more chapters in the near future! This is absolutely one of my current faves. :)

♥Mallory

Author's Response: Oh Mallory, I am so sorry this has taken me forever to respond too. I'm such a bad person because you left me the most amazing review and I never replied!

Strong women is the theme in this story and always will be! Strong women FTW!! Yes! It really should! It should be all our personal statements!

Theodora is honestly my favourite! I adore writing her and she is just strong and tough and it wasn't my plan to make her like this but then it happened and I'm so glad it did. She's awesome! As for the ear, yes it is. I did a paper at university over women in the period and being constantly diagnosed with hysteria, etc and it really propelled me to write Clara as knowing her own mind and ignoring men and their opinions because she knows she is strong and that's all that matters!

I didn't, I picked the name because I honestly just needed a name that fitted the era. I wish I had done it for that reason because it would make me super cool but alas, I did not. You're not being boring, in fact, that's really interesting and re-reading this review is really making me excited for the story again!

No, no! Dougal is not that old and neither is Edwin. I find the whole 'super big age gap' a little creepy and although I know it was done back then, I've changed it here. I don't think I would have been able to write any interaction otherwise!

(Honestly, everything you are saying is super interesting!!)

Haha, well yes! I figured the Ministry had always been inept!

Thank you so much Mallory! you are the best and I wanna thank you because this has really made me think about trying to get the next chapter out!

-Vicki


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Review #18, by flyhigh__ Prologue

21st April 2015:
TAG!
First off, the summary made me quite intrigued as to what the story was about. Then, as I read more, well can I just say that I absolutely love the concept of this story? I haven't read many Victorian Era fics, and I was a bit wary about it, but the idea of this one is just so original. I'll definitely be reading more of this!

The prologue really drew me in. You left a lot of mystery, yet gave us just a bit of information- enough to leave us thirsty for more.

Now can I just gush about how much I love Clara? I also just love the name Clara, by the way. The way you portrayed her was amazing- perfect for the time period. I love how she says "Please do not treat me like a child or ignorant woman." She's differentiating herself, and I love women who can stand on their own two feet :)

Your writing- well it was just flawless. Your word choice seemed to set the style so well, fitting the era. The specific amount of details you put, the way it flowed so well... I could go on for ages!

That's all I'm going to say for now, however. This ended up mainly just being a short gushing, but this story is definitely going on my reading list!

-Rach ☼

Author's Response: Hi!

Thank you so much! I'm really glad that you love the idea! Believe me, I was too when I first developed the idea but the more I researched and thought about it, the more it wrote itself! I'm glad you've found it to be original - that was a goal of mine so yay!

I'm so happy you love Clara. I absolutely adore her, she's my favourite of all my characters and I love how strong willed she is! She didn't seem the type of character who would sit around and let a man talk down to her and from that, she basically wrote herself!

Thank you so much! It really means a lot to me! And this review is just so lovely so again, thank you!!! I hope you enjoy the next couple of chapters (if you do read more, that is!)

-Vicki


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Review #19, by Flower n Prongs Prologue

21st April 2015:
Hello, I am here for the BvB review battle.

I know I have only read the prologue, but I think you have done an excellent job at drawing the reader in. You gave quite a bit of information in this chapter and introduced us to quite a few characters, but it did not feel overwhelming. The fact that you have worked with surnames, places, and spells that we already know helps make this feel well integrated to the Harry Potter world.

You are keeping your cards close to your chest here, but you have given us enough that I want to keep reading. The summary you had helped a lot in this: by mentioning the Order, which we know to be a cause for good, and comparing the Defenders to them, you have me very interested in what could be happening at this time. We know about Grindelwald and Voldemort, but we know so little about what happened other than that that you have an open slate. (Silly Harry, not paying attention in History of Magic!)

The fact that you have set this at a time when Dumbledore was a young up-and-comer has me very interested to see how it all plays out.

A very well done chapter. =)

- Rhaenyra

Author's Response: I'm so sorry I've taken so long to review!

Thank you! I was unsure about the amount of characters I had and quite scared that I had given the reader too much information for one chapter, especially a prologue but i'm glad you did not find it overwhelming in anyway. I used the names of places and people we knew so that they story didn't feel too outside of canon so i'm glad that has worked well!

I'm glad that you want to read more! and as for the time period, nothing much happened so I do have free rein to do what I want, which scares and excites me!

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! It means a lot!

-Vicki


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Review #20, by Startafire Prologue

17th April 2015:
hello there!

So I have been trying to find a victorian era Harry Potter fanfiction for quite a while now and is has been very hard to find one that is very well written. When I came across yours I can say I was pleasantly surprised, not only is your writing fantastic and in my favourite third person point of view, but your storyline so far is captivating.

I'm very curious about Clara's character and her talents with wandless magic, I can't wait to readon about how you will explore this. Her family history is also something that has sparked my interest, especially her grandfathers burial being in a muggle cemetary.

Anyway I am off to read the next chapter and I certainly can not wait to read more! Amazing first chatper :)

-Ella

Author's Response: Hi!

Thank you so much! I noticed that there were barely any stories set in the Victorian era so I saw an opportunity and this is what I came up with! Thank you, I'm so glad you're enjoying it!

I have loved writing Clara so you can definitely expect more details about her life and talents.

Thank you again, your review has made me smile loads!

Vicki


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Review #21, by Joffrey Baratheon Prologue

13th April 2015:
Hello Victoria.

I am King Joffrey Baratheon, the King of Westeron and the seven kingdoms. I am here because I been told you are hiding a fugitive, and I would let you know that I. do. not. take. lightly. on. people. betraying. their. king. So if you do have any information about this fugitive that is hiding over at the forums, speak up now or I will have you named a traitor to Westeros and an enemy of your king.

To show how kind your king can be, I will let you know what I think of this story of yours. While it was interesting to start at a funeral, I should have you know that no one is to be grieved but your king. Therefore I do not approve of such an act, even if it was ever so well-written.

I would also like to point out that these... defenders you mentions, seem rather much like a rebelling group. Are you trying to encourage people to act against your king? I would hope that is not the case. If it is as a I suspect not an act of rebellion, I would like to tell you I really liked the idea of a group that fight the crimes of the world. I, the king, do not have the time for such matters myself, they are far beneath me. Nor do I care much for commoners, but mother says I am to treat them fairly nice or they will overthrow me. Overthrow me! I am their king, they are not do something like that! You agree with me, I assume?!

I cannot say I care much for her love for her grandfather neither. Love is weakness, and should not be easily thrown around. Not even to your family. You are to love your king, and no one else. That is my law!

I trust you have come to understand that while the story is good, it is not clear if you have broken the rules of our land or not. I hope for your sake that I am misunderstanding this, or you will be called a traitor of your land.

But I have far more important things to do than waste anymore time lecturing you. But just so it is very clear; you help the girl from the forums hide, and I will personally name you an enemy of thy king. I cannot give you her name, as I do not bother learning such unimportant things. Mother has also told me she goes by secret names, so I would assume it would do you now good anyway. I expect you to find her without a name, or have I overstimated you?!

Your Beloved King

King Joffrey Baratheon

(I'm feeling so awful for even leaving this review, but I am running out of GoT names. Please forgive me. I really do like the story, even if Joffrey did not express that fully!)

Author's Response: King Joffrey, thank you for the eye-opening review.

I am just honoured that you even graced your eyes upon my story, let alone that you read it and in some ways, perhaps even tolerated it.

As for the fugitive you believe I am hiding, I do not know of who you seek but believe me, I would not betray my King like that.

I am just pleased that you believed that this story was good enough in your eyes.

Vicki

(haha, don't worry about it, it still made my day!)


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Review #22, by chinaglaze Chapter One

13th April 2015:
I’m a big fan of ‘historical’ fanfiction, so I think this is a great idea. You continue to paint an atmospheric picture here and the plot is developing and looking very promising. You have good characterization and interactions between your characters.

Just a few things I noticed;
‘the Muggle society’…seems a bit clunky and odd, I think simply ‘muggles’ is all you need.

This paragraph; ‘Glancing down the table, the faces of the usual members of the group were unusually grave’– I think you need to remind us briefly who they are again here, because I could not remember most of them without going back to the previous chapter.

Exclaimed Theodora; exclaimed does not need a capital letter here.

This statement; ‘It’s being labelled as the ‘Industrial Revolution’ or something along those lines,” is a bit problematic. The Industrial Revolution was well under way over a hundred years before your story is set and had no direct relation to the sort of social unrest I think you mean. I would be looking for a different way to describe this.

‘It was particularly a place she wanted to go’ I guess you mean ‘it was not particularly…’

Interesting things happening here, keep it up!

Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing!

Thank you! I'm glad you're enjoying the story!

I always appreciate grammar help so thank you! I'll definitely go back and change the things you've picked up on.

I have just realised you are right! I'd used it in the story because originally i'd set it in the early 1800's so thank you for noticing that. I'll change it straight away!

Thank you! and thank you for reviewing!

Vicki


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Review #23, by Hogwarts27 Chapter One

12th April 2015:
This was another great chapter. The description in that very first paragraph just grabbed me and drew me into the scene. But for all the rich detail in your writing, it's an easy effortless read, the kind of writing a reader can just relax with and enjoy.

Silly to not keep canon? So far, I haven't noticed anything that doesn't go along with the HP world we know. I love that this a period piece. It's like a breath of fresh air really. The magical world still feels the same, with similar problems as in the last 2 books with people disappearing, and the attitude about muggleborns still seems the same. Those things make it easily relatable.

You haven't even gone that far back in time. I checked Dumbledore's birthdate - 1881 - so this would be about 11 years before he was born, in his parents' lifetime. And many of the characters you mentioned in the last chapter are recent ancestors of the characters from the books. So those are ties that help orient the reader to the role they play. I think any story will draw readers if it's simply well written. A story with a different flavor may simply draw different readers.

Author's Response: Hi again!

Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed the description - I always feel as though I have to set the scene so i'm glad it works!

What I think I mean by non canon is that there is no story to follow or known characters so i'm able to make up pretty much anything I want in that respect. I wanted to do something entirely different within the HP world so that's why I went with setting it in the Victorian Era but at the same time, I didn't want to stray too far from what is familiar to us so this is what I came up with! I'm glad you're finding it relatable!

I chose the time with two things in the mind - the industrial revolution because I knew I wanted that so somehow fit into it and also I knew it wasn't too far off Dumbledore's birth so I knew I could include ancestors of characters we are familiar with and it would make sense! I just wanted to do something different and I'm pretty happy with how it's turning out right now!

Thank you again for your lovely review!

Vicki


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Review #24, by Hogwarts27 Prologue

12th April 2015:
Hi, this was wonderful. I thoroughly enjoyed it. You made this come alive with descriptions of the clothing and the role of women in this time period. The introduction of the characters, some with names we could trace forward in time to characters from the books, was lovely.

I found one little grammar error - "wand skills were something she knew of and were proud of." (the second 'were' should be was).

But outside of that, the writing was flawless. It was polished and flowed perfectly. I loved the rich detail, and the old-fashioned charm of this chapter. You're a very talented writer, and this feels like it could be a fantastic story. Please do keep going with it!

Author's Response: Hi, thank you so much for reviewing!!!

I'm so glad you enjoyed it! I wanted the story to be as authentic as it could be the era so I'm glad i've done that and it's worked! And yes! I wanted to use familiar names just so the story wasn't too out of step, seeing as I've set in a time where there is not much written about or going on that we know about!

Thank you for pointing that out! I'll change it straight away!

Thank you so much! Awww, you're making me blush here with your lovely words! They're very encouraging so thank you!

I have no plans to stop writing so I should be getting more chapters out soon!

Thank you for taking the time to review!

Vicki


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Review #25, by UnluckyStar57 Chapter One

12th April 2015:
Hi again!

RE: Your Author's Note: Um, no, you're not silly for writing this. You're awesome! Like, this is so exciting because you're writing about a period that we don't really have canon information about. You can make stuff up! You get to make the rules. :)

Oh wow, Edwin is a pouty jerk. Just because Clara was smarter than him and noticed a link in the pattern first doesn't mean he has the right to go complaining about stuff. But I do agree with the sentiment that it was a rough time for factory owners and workers. (Mostly the workers.) Because on the one hand, you've got workers who are trying to get a few more rights/more pay, and then you've got the factory owners, who won't give it to them/are afraid of uprisings. And what a mess it was! Oh yeah, and I love, love, love that Edwin owns Floo Powder factories. Like, what?! That's amazing!!! Wow, I can just picture the Wizarding World operating like Victorian society/industrialism, using factory systems to manufacture things with magic. Oh man, just amazingness! Also, corruption, if Edwin is anything to go on...

It's so cool that you've pulled in Muggle current events, like William Gladstone and the factories. It gives the story a great authenticity. You've really done your research! :D

Ooh, I wonder why the Muggleborns are disappearing? It's a little too early for Jack the Ripper, but maybe it's an earlier Wizarding version? Who knows?!

There are a few grammatical errors, but nothing that could detract from my excitement/overall enjoyment of the story. If you have a little time, I would suggest rereading this chapter to do a bit of rewording. But really, it was beautifully written overall, and I really loved it.

Oh yeah! Almost forgot. The mysterious feel at the beginning, with the rain and the way you imagined Clara through a far-away perspective, was really fabulous. It set the tone nicely for what was to follow.

I'll be on the lookout for the next chapter!

♥Mallory

Author's Response: Hey!

I'm still not sure! I think the whole fact I can make stuff up scares me a little! But it's my story and my victorian world so i'm just going with the flow!

He really is but I still love him (but maybe that comes from imagining Aidan Turner playing him?). Yes, he's definitely under some stress so he can be forgiven for the most part. It was a mess indeed! I have no idea where I got the idea for Floo Powder factories - I think I just figured it all had to be made somewhere and it's used everywhere so it would have to be made and distribted quickly and viola - the factories were born! Well again, I wanted a link to the Victorian era and i thought that would be the best way to link both worlds!

Thank you! I researched and researched so I'm glad it's paid off and you think it's cool!

I know, I admit I rushed to get it out because the queue was practically empty but I have gone back now so hopefully I've got them all. I do struggle sometimes with my grammar and typos but that's because I dislike proof-reading most of the time because it reminds me of uni too much but I will definitely take more care for the next chapter. I might look into getting a Beta if I can, just to double check a few things!

Oh thank you! I hate just diving into a chapter so I do like the set the scene! I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Thank you so much for reviewing! Honestly, your reviews are amazing and they're helping me so much my confidence in this story has doubled so thank you for that!

It'll be coming soon, hopefully!!

Vicki ♥


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