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17 Reviews Found

Review #1, by xoxo_jpotter Six

11th September 2015:
Omg you updated! This is so exciting! I had to check like five times to be sure, but yay!!

I love Gemma! And I actually really like Fred too! I just love them all! And she's on the team! And I can't wait for the next chapter! You're going to update soon right? I can't take that long of a break again. I'm super curious to read about Gemma's past too!


PS Sorry about all of the exclamation points, I was just super excited! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Author's Response: I know! i'm almost as excited as you and i'm the one who put wrote it!-literally when I was finishing it I was like OMG! OMG! OMG! the whole time
i'm not crazy I promise

awww! i'm so glad you like them, i'm currently trying to make them seem like real people while still making them special seeing as you know they are famous and all.
yep she's on the team, I think that the reason this chapter took so long-other than the other reasons- I dint know how to write quidditch, I had this whole idea in my head but you know I wasn't going to write it down In my thought process order because that's like an English-or American-trying to speak Chinese with no practise-just an example, nothing was meant by that-

anyways yeah i'm going to try and update as quickly as possible even if the next chapter is really short, I want t get a flow going

love from me xx

ps. don't worry I went mental on the first review I've done since I've been back/ the only one and the whole thing was capital letters and exclamation points

pps. don't worry I haven't forgotten about Dem and the others but i'm ready one story at a time and yours is next, so expect a load of mental reviews soon x

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Review #2, by Minnie four

8th September 2015:
James should be chaser tbh

Author's Response: Yay! you agreed with me- in the end that's what I made him be.
thanks for reading and reviewing, it means a lot to me
from me x

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Review #3, by Me Five

26th August 2015:
I miss this! Are you going to update soon?

Author's Response: I'M BACK!
I'm glad you missed it-wait that doesn't sound right, I'm not glad that there was no more to read or that I had ditched this story/fanfic all together actually, but I am glad that you cared.
and you'll be glad to know there is a chapter in the queue and there isn't even a full day wait so yay!
hope to hear from you again
from me x

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Review #4, by xoxo_jpotter Five

17th May 2015:
Hey you told me to check out your story and it turns out I already had. I really like it, especially the sarcasm. I read all of the James/OC and yours is one of my faves. Keep up the good work!



Author's Response: aw thanks
I personally like your story way better

from me xxx

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Review #5, by lovestings One

17th May 2015:
Hi! Stopping by to leave you a review since you have been leaving my sweet ones! I'm going to apologize in advance of this isn't long or there is mistakes because I am on my phone! So, I've read this great first chapter and I'm going to say a few things that I hope you don't mind -

1) I love the name Gemma!! So original and creative - I always try to use creative Names for my character as well. My only main issue was the fact that it's not possible for her to not know she's magical until she was 15 unless this goes along with your plot line??? I haven't read farther so if I'm wrong I'm sorry!!! Just something that bugged me

2) The dialogue was great, especially with the boys however when you wrote what people were saying in between "()" it was rather confused and made it difficult for me to understand. Perhaps try to use more commas as well because it'll help others the flow.

All and all, I thought this was a very solid, enjoyable first chapter and I will be reading your other chapters tomorrow! I am in desperate need of sleep but I am looking forward to see what is ahead for Gemma :)

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for stopping by, it means a lot to me.

I like the name Gemma too! it was my mums dogs name when she was a kid and I've liked the name since she told me that when I was 6 and have always called characters stuff like that
the bit about not knowing till then is part of the plot line but isn't in this chapter and as i'm the only one who knows the plot which I sometimes forget and when answering reviews am like what? how come they don't understand? but don't worry I will come through at one point... in the future...hopefully

thanks! i'm glad you liked the dialogue although I don't know what you mean about things in "0" did you mean things in speech marks because on my screen they are but something could of gone wrong if there not on yours

and commas of course are my main problem, I can't use hem to save my life, it's because (I think anyway) I read really, really quickly and don't stop for breath or anything really till I have to turn the page, this means I don't notice . and , but I do try but sorry if its annoying, it a bad habit i need to get rid of.

thanks again, and don't worry if you need a break, I'm just grateful that you've decided to read it in the first place

thanks so much

from me xxx

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Review #6, by lucyzi Five

13th May 2015:
YEY YOU ADDED JAMES/OC!!! There's no coming back now! ( you wouldn't do that with me, would you??)

It was awesome! Great chapter, and wow professor Feathersby has an amazing name, but he was kind of a git to Dom, Professors shouldn't be so mean! I want more about his lessons though, especially since Gemma will start working with James ❤️

And wow! I sense that Sam has a thing for Dom (he does, right?), loved it!

I only wished that more had happened, you know? And I'd still like to find out how Gemma became so close to them so soon.

One last question: why did you choose to have Al, Rose and Scorp in their first year? It's a huge age gap between them and James (not that I'm complaining, I don't really mind, I'm just curious).

Anyway, I LOVED the chapter, please update soon!!

All my love,

Author's Response: Don't worry! wouldn't do that to you, unless you quit on me

yeah professor Feathersby is a bit mean to her I suppose but its just like my teachers in school, the dt teachers especially by year 8 all 7 of the teachers had decided we wear the worst class they had have in 17 years, although we were the worst behaved out of all 12 classes in our year, I still think it was harsh to tell us that and then give all the boys a detention ( we girls got off because we weren't as bad)

yeah Sam has a thing for Dom and if you loved it, I will plan for more of it- it was in my pan but not much

more will happen I promise and you will find out why, in some ways I guess it's like the dorks are suddenly close with James and family but then they already knew each other but it will come up I promise, I just might nee more time.

that is a question I don't really have an answer for, I guess it's something to do with the personal problems that at the rate I'm writing at, you will never find out about. but if anything, I was going to make them a year older but then decided that was to- too much space between them.

I will update soon, and a qi=quick message, I gave you a review before I read this so ignore the first ps.

from me xxx xxx

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Review #7, by delacourweasley four

24th April 2015:
I think James would be great as a Chaser, if Gemma is one too. They could bond that way. I'm excited to figure out what her personal problems were - a death in the family? A mysterious ailment? I have no idea. Keep editing the grammatical stuff, but other than that you're fine. (Weasley is spelled Weasley, not Weasly)

Author's Response: hadn't thought of James and Gemma bonding over chaser things, that's a good idea
with the personal problems, I hope to hint bits in over the next few chapters but I don't want to let it all out I one chapter-i'm not sure if its because i'm mean or just don't want to spoil it
grammar is something I hope to be changing soon but I'm rubbish so it might not make much of a difference
seriously I hadn't and no one had told me yet
I have that down for a word in the dictionary in my laptop from when I first got into HP and not knowing there was a sight to post stories on a site instead of keeping them secret (I was a very strange 11 year old)but I will defiantly go and change that-Gosh that's embarrassing

thanks so much

from me xxx

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Review #8, by delacourweasley One

24th April 2015:
This is a great plot start! If you don't mind, I have a few pointers:
1. Make sure your grammar and spelling are at least 95% correct (it will help your story become more fluid and advanced)
2. Commas are super important. When characters are speaking in long sentences, commas make it sound good
3. Show your character's personality instead of having them tell you what they are like (you already did this wonderfully with the Molly scene)
4. That's it! I'll keep reading! Good job.

Author's Response: thanks so much
about punctuation, it has never been my best strength-to be frank i'm absolutely rubbish at it but i'm going to go over and change as much as possible
thanks again

from me xxx

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Review #9, by lucyzi four

21st April 2015:
Is it just plain weird how I absolutely loved the name 'Professor Feathersby'? Loved it, I just simply started laughing like crazy on my own, I wish I was this good with names...

Yeeey we got some sort of explanation as to why Gemma just started in her fifth year! I'm so bloody curious about her personal issues though...

Anyway, I'm mental, so I'm already rooting for a James/OC story here (please???)
Right, I thrust you, so whatever it is you decide, I'm sure it'll be good.

In case you were wondering: I loved it!

(Again) All my love,

Author's Response: I like that name too! ! !
(don't you notice how I'm ever so modest)
I came up with it, when I was trying to include you and another writer in the story, without making it compete and utter nonsense and rubbish, so I used feather from their name (StarFeather) and i'm working on including you- let me know if you can think of something

i'm glad you liked that bit of info, I put it in there to try and help you with your questions

ah! the good old person issues! don't you love the mystery, actually you probably hate me for it but all will be revealed, and you'll still hate me but hey ho it was the first GOOD...ish plot I could think of.

YES!!! You guessed it!
I PLAN on getting a James/OC but we'll just have to wait and see

(Again) Love from me xxx

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Review #10, by lucyzi three

21st April 2015:
Hey Violet!

See, I actually made time, and it worked!

Why on Merlin's name would you call this rubbish? (yes, I'm frowning right now), I thought it was hilarious! Besides I really like how you made it so that everyone is good in every position, quite clever!

What feel's weird for me though is how is Gemma so close to them all already? Is it from the train ride?

Oh, and I thought it was absolutely brilliant how you linked quidditch with muggle sports :)

Keep it up!
Ok, I'm too curious for the next chapter to keep writing in here...

All my love,

Author's Response: HELLO!!!
I'm lad you don't think it's rubbish but I still think it sort if is, after all none of it was actually planned but I wanted to write and still didn't know about James seeker or chaser so I just wrote that nonsense

I agree with you about gemma being a bit close since she hadn't known them that long and i'm going to work on that but I wrote a bit today for the next chapter around it so all shall be good... hopefully?

love from me xxx

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Review #11, by gryffindorlion15 four

15th April 2015:
hi Violet! I love your story! I can't wait for another update so we can see Gemma grow into Hogwarts and we can learn more about her :) xx

Author's Response: thank for your review, it means a lot to me
I'm glad you like my story and I will be writing more soon, I've just got the problem I mentioned in the A/N about, I can't decide what James quidditch position will be, but as soon as I decide, or enough people say seeker or chaser- they are the 2 choices, there will be more chapters again instead of just a few fillers like 3 and 4

from me xx

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Review #12, by Hogwarts27 four

15th April 2015:
Hi. Some descriptive scene setting would help at the start of this chapter. It's a little disorienting to just be dropped into the dialogue with no idea of where or when this happens.

I agree with you that a lot of this was filler, at least the first half. But you can always edit it as you see fit later on, if you're not happy with it.

Gemma not Jenny - cute rant. I liked it.

The scene that peaked my interest was the scene with Molly prying. But it makes me wonder - if Gemma was in a muggle school until now, how can she possibly manage at Hogwarts if she missed 4 entire years of magical education. You mentioned she was at a genius school in chapter 1, but still. I suppose you have a premise to go on, or maybe you plan to rely on her genius abilities to make catching up possible.

Personal problems could be anything. But whatever it is, I think it's odd for it to have kept her out of Hogwarts, when it didn't keep her out of muggle school. First hint of a plot developing, so that's nice!

Author's Response: h again Horgwarts27
thanks for yet another review it means a lot to me
it probably could of helped with a bit of descriptive writing, I will go and change that.
I liked writing the rant bit, the only thing was, I wanted to use the other Genni but the computer kept changing it and I couldn't be bothered to get into a fight with a laptop

ah yes the fact that Gemma missed the first four years, she will catch up but that's part of the plot, I can say now that she got given old copies of books to read during the holidays so she would of read everything form the first four years

and the personal problems, now that is a very long mystery to everyone and thing other than me and the many spreadsheets and word documents (and the piece of paper at the end of my bed) that contain ideas, know.

from me xxx

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Review #13, by Hogwarts27 three

15th April 2015:
Hi again. I enjoyed your author's note. Nice idea with the quotes.

This chapter didn't strike me as being too short at all. In fact, I think the long paragraph about about James and McClaggan could still be tightened up a bit and made more concise, if you ever edit. I think it's always better to let a chapter be short, than to put in worthless filler for word count. Once a chapter is sandwiched between other chapters, the readers really won't care about it's length, because they'll just go onto the next.

What this chapter could mostly use is better punctuation. I've noticed that you often get the punctuation wrong in your writing. Sometimes it's missing where it's needed, and other times you put comas where there really should be periods. It's just a technical point, but it makes a big difference to the overall writing flow, and ease of reading and understanding for the reader. If you're bad at doing punctuation yourself, you could consider getting a beta on the forums to proof-read for you.

'A memory I'll keep forever' - that line didn't strike me as a very realistic thing to say about someone Gemma hasn't even gotten to know yet. I think that phrase would make better sense if it were yelled out by someone who knew James well, so that Gemma could overhear it and be amused by it. But it's up to you.

I really enjoyed the sailing description, and the vivid comparison between sailing and flying. It was my favorite part of the story. When Gemma said 'I missed sailing', at first I didn't understand that she meant on a boat. I thought she meant sailing on a broom, so you might just make that first reference to boating clearer. But otherwise it was terrific!

I don't think this was a rubbish chapter. It was a short pleasant read. Mostly it just needs a punctuation clean up, and that's an easy fix. :)

Author's Response: hey thanks again for another review
punctuation has never, I repeat never, been easy for me, once in year 6 I was made to spend half an hour getting one semicolon in the right place and that was with my friends helping me

I think I will change that bit about the memory but it might take me a while because i'm quite busy at the moment

oh and I agree wit the james and mclaggen bit but I couldn't work out how to shorten it, but I will try

thanks again

from me xx

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Review #14, by Hogwarts27 two

15th April 2015:
Hi. The first thing I liked about this was that you showed some of Gemma's softer side. When she describes Hagrid to us, she's careful not to be offensive with the description. And when she follows him to the Great Hall, I like that she had a moment of panic about being singled out to sit with the teachers. Seeing her self-conscious and nervous was great. Her human vulnerability comes through, and for the first time I actually empathize with her.

I also loved your detailed description of the Great Hall. That was a lovely piece of writing. I found it very engaging. And the hat paragraph as well. And I really enjoyed the sorting, with the little bits of humor you put in, and Gemma's insecurity coming through once again.

One minor thing that struck me - In the paragraph that starts 'Albus Potter - Griffindor' I thought the two swear words you used in that paragraph sort of broke the writing flow you had going. It was an abrupt change of style to encounter the bad language there. It just didn't seem to be in keeping with the style of the writing that came right before or right after, so to me it felt out of place in this paragraph. That's just my opinion, and you can certainly decide for yourself if you agree or not.

With a modern character like Gemma, whose thoughts are sometimes serious and sometimes more abrasive, I would just be mindful to make the transition in her thoughts smooth, because it can affect the writing flow and cause it to be jarring when her thought style changes too abruptly. The reader needs time to transition with the character's mood change, especially since this is written in first person and all in this character's POV.

I think you did a great job on this chapter. I had a really good time reading it, and enjoyed this chapter even more than the last one. I'll also say that you're descriptive writing is really good. My favorite paragraphs were the ones where you described things in detail, so please keep using and developing that skill. I think it's one of your writing strengths. All in all a really nice chapter.

Author's Response: hey
thank you for another review it means a lot to me
i'm glad you found it funny I like to think what I would feel and what would be going through my slightly mental mind

I agree with you on the Albus Potter thing and i'm going to change that NOW because I don't like that bit either

i'm glad you liked the descriptive bit, that's always my favourite bit to write

thanks for your help again
from me xxx

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Review #15, by Hogwarts27 One

12th April 2015:
Hi, I'll answer the James question you asked here. The books gives us virtually no information about the next gen kids, so these characters are basically OCs and you can do whatever you want with them. We do know from canon that seekers usually have a small lightweight body build, so that's something to consider if you're thinking to make James II a seeker like Harry. Does he have the right body build for it? And his grandfather was a chaser, so if you plan to give James II some misgivings about living up to past family talent, you could have him follow in his relatives' footsteps as a seeker or chaser. But you could also let him forge an entirely new path of talent. It's really up to you. I honestly think you can put him in any position. Seekers seem to get most of the glory and attention though, so that's something to keep in mind if it's important to the character.

OK, on to your story. Next gen has never been my cup of tea, so other readers, can probably advise you better on the characters than I can, since I never read the genre.

Just writing-wise, I thought the story got off to a good-enough start. It gave us a nice sense of Kings Cross, and Gemma's confusion of how to get on the platform. And you put nice descriptions throughout the chapter that helped to paint a vivid picture for the reader.

You didn't mention Gemma's age in the first paragraph, which I think would be good to do instead of leaving it for later, when we find out she's an incoming 5th year. She just got her Hogwarts letter a few weeks ago? Why didn't she get it at age 11, like she should have? It would be nice to explain that.

Your main character - the story intro says she's a sarcastic mean idiot, who's also geeky and doesn't feel accepted. That would be an interesting thing to delve into in some depth. In your first paragraph, the abrasive side of her does come through, but I hope you'll equally explore her insecurities and more vulnerable side, and not just her mean abrasive exterior. Most people who are outwardly mean or sarcastic have some inner wound or inner insecurity that causes them to be outwardly defensive, and exploring that part of Gemma would add real depth to her character, and allow the reader empathize with her inner struggle.

On meeting Gemma, the reader is mostly just shown the complaining side of her personality. But your first paragraph also offers a lot of opportunity to show the reader some of Gemma's insecurities if you ever felt like adding them in, which would allow the reader to empathize with her more a lot more strongly right away, though you certainly don't have to do that if you don't like the idea. But if you wanted to, you could explore her feelings about going to a new school. Is she worried about making friends? Does she secretly feel very shy or afraid? Is she afraid she won't be accepted? Are there family tensions in her home that she's relieved to be escaping from? Will she miss the friends from her old school, or was she lonely and shunned, unable to make friends there? Or does she tend to make the wrong friends? Those would all be interesting things to show right at the start of this chapter. Anyway, I think she has the potential to be an interesting three-dimensional character if you develop her in the right way.

One minor thing I noticed was that some of the sentences have missing punctuation, and run on where there should be comas or periods. So you could check on that, if it's something you care about it. It doesn't affect the story, but it helps for ease of reading.

Also where you say - 'she sent him along' - it's not clear who you're talking about. At first I wondered if this was going to be mom's boyfriend, ex-husband, or step-dad that Gemma despised. Turned out Dad was the only male character who came along, but I didn't figure that out until I'd read a bit further, so you might think of naming 'him' as Dad when he's first mentioned.

All in all, this was basically a 'meet and greet' chapter, and I think you did a really nice job introducing the reader to all these new characters - LOL, too many cousins too many too count is right - plus their friends. And it was mostly done through dialogue, which is great. You've really got your work cut out for you creating all these characters, but you seem to have a good handle on it. Amid the teenage banter, you also did a nice job of not losing the focus on Hogwarts school, with all the discussion of houses and classes.

Lastly, I noticed you don't have chapter summaries. I'll just say that I've always found chapter summaries to come in really handy, because it's easy for readers to forget which chapters they've read in a story, especially when the website logs you out while you're reading so that you don't get to click the 'chapter read' box when you're finished. Chapter summaries are also a nice reminder for what's happened in a story to help readers ease back into the story when they've been away for a while. But it's up to you.

All in all, nice job, and good luck with the story. I'm glad you've got one that you decided to work on.

Author's Response: thank you for such a long review, I know you don't like next generation so tis really means a lot to me,
I will change the bits that you pointed out could be better when I've finished the next few characters
you said that I might need to give the reader a bit more background info which I then did in the next chapter, so that's all good now

and thanks for the help on the James question, I was getting really stuck but I made up my mind in the end

good luck on your next story

from me xx

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Review #16, by lucyzi two

8th April 2015:
It's me again!!

Another wonderful chapter, and she's in Gryffindor!! Yey!!!

Ok, now I'm definitely confused, what year is Gemma in? Because Al, Rose and Lucy are in their first, right?

Anyway, that's nothing compared to the brilliance of it all! It's so funny!!
As for your question: James for me is a chaser, because Al would be the seeker and Freddy beater, but that's just how I see it ;)

I can't wait for the next chapter!! I still can't wrap my head around how good this is!

All my love,

Author's Response: hello again you!!
thank you again for reviewing you know what it means to me
right I understand where you're confusion is coming from, I had to make a spreadsheet so I can't forget what year I put the Wotters in which I did, many times, to get rid of this confusion here is a list of what year they are all in,

Teddy : left
Vic : 7
Dom : 5
Fred : 5
James : 5
Molly : 5
Gemma : 5
Sam : 5
Louis : 2 or 3 haven't decided
Roxy : 2 or 3 haven't decided
Rose : 1
Albus : 1
Lily : not there yet
Hugo : not there yet
for a mystery reason that i have yet to reveal to you, Gemma started late and i'm sorry it's confusing also i'm not sure what year I what Louis and Roxanne to be in but when I decide I will tell you but if you think that one of the two years would be best please tell me because I can't decide
also if I helps you, so far all of the weaslys are in Gryffindor just to make it easier for me to write because knowing me I would forget again

thank you thought for such a nice review and I'm glad you thought it was funny, because I hoped it would be slightly because writing it remind me of being in secondary school with me just going ever and getting so confused and then of course eating so much- I'm still surprised I'm not to fat to move with the amount I eat oh and the sarcasm- it is my first language, I don' care if english is supposed to be, someone can get rid of that I like sarcasm too much

and thank you for answering my question about positions, I agree with Freddie being beater but I'm still trying to decide what James is going to be, it's either chaser or seeker but I can't decide which would be best, at the moment I think chaser might suit him more but then again..., once I decide though I well tell you the teem positions because if you get as confused as I do then you'll be stuck because i had to make another spreadsheet to make sure who else was on h team and another for who was even in 5th year Gryffindor, to be honest I think I'm a little to reliant on tem for my own good

anyway thank you

from me xxx

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Review #17, by lucyzi One

8th April 2015:

This is brilliant!! I'm so excited! And WOW, your writing is now professional - not that I didn't see it coming...

I'm going make a lot of questions before I go to the next chapter (yeyy there's already two!!) and maybe all the questions will be answered there, but hey, reviews are always welcome, right?

So Gemma is a muggle-born that's only coming to Hogwarts on her fifth year? Wow, how's she gonna manage to lear all that was taught in the last four years? I mean, I know that she like Ravenclaw bright, but that has got to be hard, especially with O.W.L.s... anyway, I'm sure you're going to make it amazing and she will survive in the end ;)

So do you intend to pair anyone up? Yeap, I'm curious like that, because I could actually only find your story because of your review into mine, when I try finding new-generation fics I usually go for pairings like Rose and Scorp, or James/OC.

I'm so happy!!! It's so nice to find good stories!!
Happy, Happy, Happy!!!
Ok, I'm too curious about the next chapter to keep this too long, I'll see you in your next chapter reviews ;)


Author's Response: thank you so much for reviewing it means so much to me

yes reviews are always welcome because it helps me remember that you don't know everything that's in my mind and if you did...well that would be completely creepy and slightly stalkerish

there is a reason why Gemma didn't start school earlier and you'll find out In the next chapter or if I can't find a way to get it without giving a way the whole plot in the third chapter it will be in the one after wards

yes it will be had for her to adjust to all the lessons and catch up but I picked 5th year because it's the equivalent to gcses/year 11 which would mean she'd be under the same amount of pressure and I might as well add now that se is Hermione level clever s she should make it in the end

yes I'm planning on paring people up but haven't got round to making sure they're in my plan for the story without rushing everything or/and ruining it, it is also the reason I picked 5th year because whist it meant that there wasn't a too bigger gap between James and Albus (I decided to right from the moment the real books ended because I'm really strange and like to obey everything ta j k Rowling says in her books), there could more serious relationships and I could probably add drinking in soon
I agree that it may be a little hard for people to find my story but I've found a lot of people end up reading them because it sys what authors are online on the home page and they click on me and find this although I'm guessing most are guests because no one leave reviews which is really annoying because I don't get to see what the think but oh well so yeah I think I will add pairings

and thank you again for reviewing
from me xxx

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