Our website is made possible by displaying online advertisements to our visitors.
Please consider supporting us by disabling your ad blocker.





  
1 Reviews Found

Review #1, by NakedTruth Couldnít have made a Worse First Impression if Iíd Tried

25th September 2015:
Hello Rose626!

Starting the story with a quote from Rowling was a really good idea; it made me think "hey, this sounds familiar" and as I kept on reading, I really liked the way you continued from that point on. Like this is the sequel to the seventh book's epilogue :D

If you don't mind a bit of "constructive criticism", as they call it:

I was a bit surprised that Rose doesn't know a Malfoy when she sees one, but I'll go with it (and by that, I mean that I accept your perception of her and your take on this) ^^

I was a tad confused because I thought Rose was the one saying "no wonder our family hates you", not Albus because his name is mentioned only once in that sentence..

I found it a bit puzzling that Scorpius used the word "Mudblood" like that (I mean, do this imply the Malfoys use it on a regular, casual basis at home? Did they not learn anything?! haha) yet apologizes and is so very aware of how wrong it is. I guess a little background is needed there (not necessarily in the very first chapter, of course!)

Also, the transition between a Rose POV and a Scorpius POV is really confusing; I missed it and kept on reading, had to go back a few lines to find it. Maybe add more space in between? If it's still a Scorpius POV, maybe don't use "Al" to write about Albus.
You seem to be going back to a Rose POV nearing the end of the chapter, it didn't catch that transition either.

The sorting ceremony just added a really cool twist, I'm looking forward to that!
I like where this story is headed! This first chapter was all in all entertaining and I am curious about further developments!

I really liked the way Malfoy is trying to get "Muggleborn" into his head to make sure he doesn't slip up again. It really feels like he says "Mudblood" on a daily basis even though he knows it's actually a bad thing to do but the people he lives and hangs with do it, so he does it to.
Crikey, that was a really bad first impression! xD

Author's Response: Hello NakedTruth,

Thanks so much for the review! In my mind, the last book ended with Rose knowing about the Malfoy family, but not really knowing who Scorpius was as her dad pointed him out for the first time on the platform.

As for Scorpius, I always thought Draco learned his lesson to an extent, but that he wouldn't have done a complete 180 and began loving muggleborns. I thought Scorpius would grow up not hating muggleborns, but that Draco would still refer to them as "Mudbloods" like he always had out of habit.

Thank you again for your review, it really helps me see what the readers see compared to what I meant to portray. I've made a few edits to the first chapter to clear up a bit of the confusion on POV like you suggested.

Thanks again!

Rose626


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login