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18 Reviews Found

Review #1, by 10PointsFromSlytherin Gaps between Us

17th July 2015:
Holy Mother of Merlin. You have some crazy plot twists. You are Quen/King of plot twisting. I cannot fathom how you think of all of this. Dammit, give me your writing prowess.

Author's Response: Haha Thank you so much!

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Review #2, by 10PointsFromSlytherin Keys and Whispers

17th July 2015:
I'm sorry, what? Why did you just do this to me? Did not expect Malfoy to get it all on with Chang.Thank you for your wonderful literary work and the incredible surprise.

Author's Response: I'm so glad you are enjoying this!

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Review #3, by AutumnRed We all fall down

12th May 2015:
No! Not Coal! :(

Your stories are great! I thoroughly enjoy reading them.

Author's Response: He had to go. Sorry! Glad you enjoy reading my stories! I have a few others if you want to peek at them too!

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Review #4, by cherry_pop94 welcome home

1st May 2015:
"Of course sweetheart, Harry replied" A typo I think?
It surprised me that Professor McGonagall knows about the arrangement. I feel like she is definitely the type of woman who would not stand for this barbarity would have Draco fired for participating in it. I do like that you've set up Harry as a potential love interest for Ivy though? I do hope she comes to escape without to much help from him though! We don't need another damsel in distress!
All in all, I think a good introduction to Hogwarts.

Author's Response: Harry was being sarcastic to Draco - trying to show off in front of Ivy I think!
Minerva can't be rid of Draco because of the governor's - but she will do what she can to make sure Ivy is treated well!
Thank you so much!


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Review #5, by cherry_pop94 Girl for Sale

1st May 2015:
"she was two years old and had already given birth." I'm not sure if you meant that she'd been with Marcus for two years or if this was a typo... it rather alarmed me.
I'm hoping based off the last line that this will become a story about how Ivy manipulates Draco. I'm hoping he becomes more kind towards her, but that she still leaves him, making him question his morals and lifestyle choices. I mean, this kind of abuse cannot be stood for and I don't think it should become a romance between them.
Anyway, I liked the interactions in this chapter. I'm excited to see how Ivy and Draco take to Hogwarts.

Author's Response: Oh my goodness! Yes MAJOR typo thank you for pointing that out!!!

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Review #6, by cherry_pop94 Sold

1st May 2015:
Very interesting! I think you'd benefit from a bit more descriptive language. I find myself wondering what exactly Lot 199 was doing to make it seem like she wasn't trying that hard. I also think, though it may be too late to make such changes, but racial diversity would have been interesting here. When I read the concept of this story, I thought a lot about the slave trade, human trafficking and things like that which depend heavily on the fetishization of different races.
Still, I'm loving where this plot is going!

Author's Response: Slave trade is the inspiration for this! But it's not about colour in the wizardry world, it's a bout blood status and money!

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Review #7, by dumbledore_wannabe No Time To SaY Farewell

1st May 2015:
I'm enjoying this story and have finally gotten current with it. You sure threw me for a loop with Ivy recognizing Percy as having been a carer... the very LAST occupation I would have ever chosen for him. I suspect there's more to that situation than meets the eye. Looking forward to the next chapter!

Author's Response: Thank you! Yes war seems to have had detrimental effects of Ginny and Percy

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Review #8, by cherry_pop94 There's no place like

1st May 2015:
Hi! The concept of this story seems so interesting that I had to read it! I haven't read the Jewel before, but I might now. This is a really novel concept - the whole auctioning off poorer purebloods to, I presume, richer purebloods to maintain purity sounds like it would definitely be something that's secretly happening.
It bothers me just the tiniest bit that this isn't 100% canon compliant, but the premise of the story trumps that! I can't wait to read more chapters, but it'll have to wait until morning :(
-Stefi

Author's Response: I couldn't put The Jewel down! I highly recommend it! i'm not sure what a canon compliant is? Thank you very much for reading though

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Review #9, by SanCloe No Time To SaY Farewell

26th April 2015:
Dear Panacea,

The story is well developed, but I understand what you mean by war changing people, as well as the loss of relatives. I have truly enjoyed this story from the beginning, and I hope you write more promptly. :)

With Kind Regards,

SanCloe

Author's Response: Thank you so much! Hopefully tomorrow!

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Review #10, by SanCloe One Hand One Heart

24th April 2015:
Dear Panacea,

I haven't read since my last review, and I have really enjoyed it. I believe though that you shouldn't have written Ginny so harsh because it isn't really keeping J.K. Rowling's image of her at heart. Perhaps you may recall that in the Deathly Hallows, her birthday present for Harry was a kiss? I feel that if you keep with your version of Ginny, perhaps you should introduce her boyfriend. Perhaps Seamus Finnigan could be candidate. If anything, have it be Neville's birthday party and they could be introduced then.

Happy writings, and update soon!:)

With Kind Regards,

SanCloe

Author's Response: Thank you SanCloe. I know she is very different from JK's, I like her character to show how war changed people. She's still restless and losing her brother has changed her.

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Review #11, by SanCloe Ivy Leif

11th April 2015:
Panacea,

I feel that you should include Hagrid or Teddy Lupin at one point. You should also have Harry and Ivy do an intervie.Have them do an interview with Luna Lovegood... The present editor of "The Quibbler" kind of what Harry did when he wanted to prove that Voldemort was back in his fifth year at Hogwarts.

I think that would tie in Ivy's relationship with Harry and he could make a statement that would show her that he is right beside her and will be through thick and thin.

I think that Hagrid or Teddy Lupin should be involved because they are outcasts in a matter of ways and they would be able to a support Ivy.

Thank you for the chapter and never stop writing!

Author's Response: It's like you read my mind! An interview is coming up next! have a read of my other story ' Harry Potter and the Second Chance' i'd be interested to hear your opinion

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Review #12, by SanCloe Gaps between Us

10th April 2015:
Panacea,

I disagree with a lengthy critique that was recently posted regarding your work. I find that excluding Harry's thoughts at times gives more insight into his character because Harry has never been one to openly voice his emotions except to perhaps Hermione and Ron and Sirius when he was alive. I thoroughly enjoy enjoy how you have maintained the purity of Harry Potter's character as written by J.K Rowling.

Besides, I have always disliked too much of an insight into a character's thoughts because I feel that this distracts the reader from the current plot of the story.

I also beg to differ with a certain reviewer on a certain point: The matter of sentence structure was also posed. Your writing is perfectly structured and your sentence are by no means being written by a three year old.

I hope you take my review to heart and continue this marvelous story that should be published.

Author's Response: Wow thank you so much! You are very kind! Updating tonight

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Review #13, by SanCloe Gaps between Us

7th April 2015:
Best story ever! You really need to write more Panacea. Please do write!

Author's Response: Thank you very much. Will have more up tonight!

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Review #14, by HermyLuna2 There's no place like

7th April 2015:
Hi,

The first sentence is a little bit dull, it doesn't draw me into the story. Harry draws in a familiar scent - the word familiar already makes me go half asleep, because it doesn't announce any sort of conflict. Harry smells something he has smelled a thousand times before, big deal. We also don't get to know what it is, but instead of sparking interest, I don't really care about it at all. Probably it's something like mothballs.You have Harry peeking out of the Headmistress office, but we don't know who the headmistress is or why Harry is there. The way you go from Harry to the students is really chaotic!

I had to reread the parapgraph about Harry being envious of the students twice to understand that Harry wishes he could be as carefree as them. That is probably my slowness, but I also think it couldn't hurt to formulate it a bit more clearer. Instead of "his moments at Hogwarts like these he witnessed" you could write: "Harry watched the students enjoy themselves. Of course, they had nothing to worry about". A lame sentence, but just to show you that this sentence is a bit more clear. "And yet" is also a bit confusing. It's clear that Harry feels the students are oblivious to what he does for them, but only from the subtext. Now, the students just have fun, and we don't know whether they think about Harry or not. You could connect the two things by making Harry wonder whether the students ever thought about what he did for them, and then conclude bitterly that they probably don't.

'came' should be without capital and 'Minevra' is spelled wrong (tiny mistakes).

I like how you created these new backstories for Hermione, Ron, Harry and Ginny. I would like to know a bit more about why Ginny and Harry had broken up, though, and what Harry thinks about Ginny's new boyfriend. You state these things very casually, while they are very important! Was that your intention?

There should be a full stop after 'mr'. in 'Mr. Potter'. A glowing smile is a bit strange; maybe she radiated happiness and smiled broadly. Both would have been a little out of character for professor McGonagall, but it's more than ten years later so maybe she mellowed out a bit. That she was older is a bit of a bland, boring sentence. Of course she has turned older! It would have been unnatural if she didn't! I understand it was your intention that Harry noticed it though, so you could have written something like "The lines in McGonagalls face had turned even deeper since Harry had last saw her". Quite unoriginal, but just an example.

It's funny that even at almost thirty Harry still automatically calls McGonagall 'professor'. That was a nice touch.

When professor McGonagall announces that she has news that Harry might not appreciate and Harry sees that Dumbledore's portrait is empty, it creates a lot of suspense. You think that what will come has something to do with Dumbledore! But completely unexpected, it's about the Defence against the Dark Arts teacher resigning. The reader now goes "HUH", at least I did. It's really confusing. Especially with how the sentence is formulated: first McGonagall comes with the good news that the curse on the DADA vacancy has ended, but then comes the bad news that the professor has quit his job voluntarily. I'm missing a signal word such as 'while' here. 'Punk's' should be without apostrophe here because it's plural.

Again you made a tiny mistake with Minevra's name. Hermione's reply to McGonagall's news is a bit awkward and clumsy. The question isn't only why Harry wouldn't appreciate the news, but also why he would. There's nothing about it that would provoke any emotions in Harry, seeing as we don't know whether Harry aspired the job in the first place. In fact, we know nothing about Harry's feelings or thoughts until that moment, and then we understand that Harry is, indeed, fantasising about becoming the new teacher. However, this revelation comes a little late. Because we don't know Harry's motivations for wanting the job, it remains a complete mystery. Of course, we can figure from Harry's backstory that he likes helping others and that he is very good at defence against the Dark Arts. Still, from what we know in this story, Harry resents always having been 'forced' to play the hero and help others. So why does he suddenly fantasise about this not so exciting job? I do this little insight in Harry's thoughts however and I wish it was elaborated a bit more. How does Harry FEEL about it? Note, this doesn't have to be stated outright, it's often best when you give almost invisible hints about a character's feelings, such as the words in which you make a character describe something - to convey, for example, the feeling that Harry WANTS the job, you could turn 'eating into the Great Hall' into something like 'tasting the delicious food again, having interesting conversations with the other teachers...'. To convey that Harry DOESN'T want the job, you could turn it into something like 'eating in the Great Hall again, like an eleven-year old, having conversations about the same things as ten years ago'.

School governors is again without apostroph. The sentence about them wanting to appoint another teacher is really awkward because of 'as well', which should be besides, and because there's no need to wish to appoint Draco if he's already hired. I like how you made Draco get his position by corruption, that is true to his character. I also like how Minerva wants to give him a second chance and how her eyes flickered briefly to Dumbledore's portrait (although you could emphasize that it is empty, for greater effect).

Harry's worry is eased rather quickly. Also, again we don't read in detail about his thoughts. What exactly went through his head? It would make the story so much more compelling if we knew. You should really seek a beta reader! I hope you didn't mind all my critique, I was just trying to help you out! Good luck with this story!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! Your advice is much appreciated! Lots of great ideas for me to take away. Thank you!

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Review #15, by SanCloe My Days Gone By

4th April 2015:
Please update.Ivy needs to leave Lucius' presence. Narcissa should discover Lucius' plot...it would make a nice touch.

Author's Response: Good idea! Thank you for reading!

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Review #16, by SanCloe Star Crossed Lovers

3rd April 2015:
Update please. I need to find out what happens at the ball!

Author's Response: it'll be good! That's a promise!

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Review #17, by SanCloe Fool me once

2nd April 2015:
Panacea, totally engrossed in this story, please write more information promptly.

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I didn't think anyone was reading this! Will update today!

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Review #18, by SanCloe Fool me once

31st March 2015:
Panacea, please write more often. I have been checking every day to see what you have written on this story and it is incredible. I love how your portray all of the characters and I hope everything turns out well with Ivy.

Author's Response: Thank you so much!
I didn't think anyone was reading this!
Will post more hopefully tonight!
Thank you again!


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