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5 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Minion of the Easter Bunny Rebekah Mackintosh

5th April 2015:
Bounce! Bounce! Bounce!


*gasps and freezes*

Oh no, you can see me. This doesn't usually happen, I swear! Oh my boss is gonna be so annoyed when he finds out...

Wait. If he finds out. I mean, he doesn't really have to know about this little encounter, right? And you know what, I'll even give you an Easter egg. Two? Fine. Three. And now we're settled.

Oh my, I made a right mess of this. My first day on the job and I get caught. I guess your story was just too tempting and I got a little sidetracked. You write really well, by the way. Your characterisation was flawless. One moment I was a bunny delivering Easter treats, and the next I was a human child making friends with Beka. It really was amazing for your first story.

I would love to hear more about this dance society. It sounded brilliant, and I'm really glad you included it. You made me laugh with the kids not knowing where Aberdeen was. They go to school in Scotland, you would have thought they had a little more interest in the country.

I really must be off. But thank you for letting me read this (and for not telling my boss)! Byee


Bounce. Bounce. Bounce.

Author's Response: Oh, I feel honoured to receive a review from one of the Easter Bunny's friendliest minions!

I'm glad you enjoyed reading my story and that it distracted you enough from your job of delivering Easter eggs that you left me a review. The Hogwarts Creative Dance Society is headcanon that I have had for a long time, and I was really pleased that I was able to slip it into this story. I think it is quite possible that some of the students at Hogwarts would have no idea where Aberdeen was, especially those from Pureblood families, but yes, you would expect them to take a slightly greater interest in the country they go to school in.

Thank you for everything you said about my writing - my characterisation is flawless? I'm not sure I believe you, but thank you - and for this lovely review. (And for the Easter eggs, they were delicious.) I hope you don't get into any trouble with your boss for stopping to read my story!


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Review #2, by alicia and anne Rebekah Mackintosh

26th March 2015:
Hello hun! Sorry about a bit of a wait for this, but I had to quickly do something. I'm here now, though! :D

OOo I am so intrigued by this girl with the blue hair! :D Who is she? What was the other part of the dare? How long will she have the hair for?

Speaking of which, can I say that I absolutely adore that you end each section with a mention of how this mysterious girl had blue hair.

It's great how you've written the interaction with the new girl, and the small pieces of information you give at a time. I'm so excited about finding out about her, where she came from and whether any of these rumours are true.

So we know her name now! I still want to know what this dare was. :P Although they both sound awesome for giving each other dares that resulted in that haha.

There are so many rumours! haha Hogwarts sure know how to gossip about people. I love it, they're so realistic!

Awww they're talking! :D Finally it's happened and it makes me happy! I can't wait for them to socialise more!

There's a creative dance society?! YES!!! I NEED THIS SO MUCH IN MY LIFE!! I love that Rebekah is in it too, and that lots of people are there too. AND THEY HAD A FLASH MOB! YES! Ah this just makes me think of the step up movies, which are my all time favourite movies!!

Awww what happened to her sister? *hugs her* it's so devastating how she died. :(

I absolutely loved this! It was so mysterious at first, and then Rebekah turned into this lovely person who was such a great friend. You wrote this brilliantly and I enjoyed reading this so much!

Thank you for suggesting it. :D

Author's Response: Thank you so, so much for this lovely review - it really made my day!

I've always been intrigued by people with blue hair - it's such a bold colour and so unusual - and it seemed made sense to give Rebekah blue hair, at least for part of the story. That was my original idea for this story: 'girl with blue hair arrives at Hogwarts and another girl figures out who she really is'. I didn't realise just how important the blue hair would be to the actual plot of them meeting and the connection with Caitlin's sister.

Holly Blunt and Rebekah's dares are something that I thought there would be more of in the story - I had planned a lot more. Rebekah has to charm her hair blue for a week, Holly has green eyebrows for a few days, Rebekah has to ask Professor Turpin some embarrassing questions, Holly (a Gryffindor) had to find a way into the Hufflepuff common room, Rebekah had to lie her way into the Slytherin common room (and so on, and so on). Doing all these crazy things was one of the reasons that everyone's attention was on her for so long (which was obviously very helpful for Caitlin).

I'm really glad you like the way that the information about Rebekah was presented, and that the rumours seemed realistic. I think that the rumours worked quite well for letting Caitlin (and the reader) get to know Rebekah slowly, and it was really fun to write all the Hogwarts gossip.

They eventually talk! (Do I take too long to get to that scene?) Ithink that their friendship develops really quickly after they properly meet, because Caitlin doesn't really have any friends, but Rebekah would become friends with everyone if she could.

The creative dance society may very well be the thing I am proudest of in this story. I think they would definitely have one, and that it would be quite popular, though you would have to have at least some dance ability to take part (while Ruby as head choreographer anyway). They would definitely organise flashmobs and surprise dance displays. (And of course it paves the way for the Hogwarts Drama Club...)

I didn't realise how sad Caitlin's backstory actually was until I wrote her telling Rebekah about it (though I always knew that she did have a tragic story). I feel bad for putting her in such an awful situation.

I'm thrilled that you enjoyed reading this, and thank you again for the lovely review!



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Review #3, by krazyboutharryginny Rebekah Mackintosh

19th March 2015:
Hello anonymouse! *waves*
I can't believe this is your first story on the archives! It's really, really awesome. It's not perfect, but that's mostly nitpicky stuff. I could PM you about it on the forums, if you'd like?
One thing I noticed: it takes a really long time here for the reader to get a grasp on who the narrator actually IS. If that was intentional, you pulled it off fantastically well. If that was unintentional, then I think even working the name "Caitlin" into the first few paragraphs would be massively helpful. You get a sense of Caitlin's personality and life by then, but have no name to put to that personality, and so it's hard to imagine anything but a sort of featureless person.
Caitlin's story is so sad! I really like Rebekah though, she's such a cool character.
Well done!
-Kayla (for the HPFF review challenge)

Author's Response: Hello Kayla! *waves back excitedly*

Thank you so much for this review! (Having just posted my first story to the archives, I definitely benefited from the fundraiser review competition.)

I can't believe that you couldn't believe that this was my first story! I was really surprised (and hugely pleased) to find your extremely enthusiastic and positive review.

About not getting the name 'Caitlin' into the story earlier: well, that was partly intentional and partly a mistake. Because I changed the direction of the entire story halfway through, I didn't realise that I hadn't actually put her name anywhere until quite close to the end. I plan to rework it and put it in a bit earlier - but it was partly intentional because I was trying to create a sense of mystery around both girls. I do need to get the name in sooner though, but I'm glad her personality and character came across even without a name to identify it with.

Until I actually wrote it, I didn't know how sad Caitlin's story would be, though I always knew that she had a tragic backstory. I'm glad you like Rebekah - she was really fun to write.

Thank you for this lovely review - and the extremely helpful PM full of nitpicky and very useful comments as well!


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Review #4, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Rebekah Mackintosh

18th March 2015:
(This review is in support of the HPFF Fundraiser)

It was the blue hair that caught my eye. It was the blue hair that make me really wake up from the sluggish nightmare of the last few weeks. It was the blue hair that screamed out to me, because my sister had always said that she wanted to dye her hair blue.

First, I dyed my hair blue when I was younger. It was a mistake but it was awesome and I got into so much trouble at school but I fought the power, man!

Anyway, I love the opening of this because we don't really know who the girl with the blue hair is. It's a mystery and I like that a lot.

(Don’t ever believe anything that Anna Finnegan tells you, because it was definitely only four schools, and that included Hogwarts.)

Haha. Rumors, huh? I liked that about this story. The girl with the blue hair that was no longer blue had so many different stories trailing her that even when they do become friends she's still partly mysterious.

Oh! I really thought they were going to end up as lovers. I thought that's where the story was going but you gave it a different twist and ending which I appreciated. They became friends, we learned about the both of them and there was something peaceful and sweet about their bonding and opening up to each other.

Your detail and descriptions were magnificent. Wonderful job with your story.

Author's Response: Having just posted my first story to the archives, I really did benefit from the fundraiser review competition. Thank you very much for this review!

I've always thought that there is something quite incredible about really shockingly bright hair - if I was braver I would love to dye my hair a really vivid colour - and somehow it made sense to give Rebekah dyed hair for at least part of the story. When I started writing I didn't know how much it would tie the story together.

I'm glad that I managed to capture a sense of the mystery around both girls. I didn't intend to write it with as much uncertainty and mystery, but it seemed to make sense that Caitlin discovered Rebekah slowly, and mostly through rumours. And I think it would take a long time for Rebekah to lose that air of mystery completely.

I will admit that they were originally going to end up as lovers. When I started writing, that was the direction I thought this would go - until it didn't, and it was friendship between them, not love. I think I like the ending I ended up with much better than the one I had planned. And I'm very pleased that you like it that way, and that the calm and stability of their emerging friendship came across.

Thank you so much for everything you said and this lovely review.


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Review #5, by Freda_and_Georgina Rebekah Mackintosh

16th March 2015:
Yay I'm finally able to leave a review! I (Freda) read it last night but on this page only my computer INSISTED that I was logged out and eventually I gave up and went to bed.

First off, congratulations on posting your first story on HPFF! (I saw you say so over on the forums so I decided to go check it out.)

This story is lots of fun! I enjoyed how we found out about Bekah bit by bit through rumors until she finally met her. I'm surprised it didn't include the "mystery" genre; or that it was only a one shot; these characters seem fun and I definitely wouldn't mind reading more of them! ;) I think I found one typo: "I liKe her hair, though."

Also, I'm not sure if it's intentional or not, but for most of the story I was trying to figure out not who the person with the blue hair was, but who the narrator was. I initially assumed it was Lily until she mentioned a sister and then Lily was mentioned in passing. (Usually characters listed are included more than a passing reference, but I understand you didn't use a lot of canon characters to begin with.) I did wish Caitlin's name was included a bit earlier in the story, but as far as I know that could have been intentional.

LOVED the dialogue from when they were working on Arithmancy! I'm a mathy person (Georgina is pretty mathy too) so that kind of conversation is very familiar to me! And you don't get very many mathy conversations in fan fiction, at least not that I've come across. It made me happy. :D

I liked how the teachers didn't even know about the dance club. I'm not a dance person, (our younger sister "Ginny" dances and Georgina briefly took it but I never did) so I think Ruby is pretty "scary"; I wouldn't want to be on her bad side but I just might try to get out of it altogether. Her way of calling out that Caitlin wasn't doing it right was both embarrassing and a bit rude; maybe she sees it as payback from Caitlin continually questioning her. That's a "mess" I wouldn't want to be in.

I liked that you used an original band name; Bent Winged Snitches is pretty creative, I think.

The popular exchange student is usually a cliché, but I think you wrote it really well. (I wonder why she's moved around so much...) I loved how personable she was. (and she's also a Puff! Woot!) And just absorbed Caitlin into her friend group; it looks like Caitlin was a bit of a loner without realizing it or wanting to be there.

What a backstory! That's terrible that her family still blames her after all this time; after all it's never to early to learn that magic can't fix everything. Besides, Caitlin was 11! It's not like she already had a ton of training, if she even had her wand with her! Bekah such a caring person; comforting her even though she hardly knew her. It sounds like Caitlin really needed a friend like that, so I hope Bekah sticks around for a bit.

This was really a nice story! I'll try to keep an eye out for any future stories. (Wow, sorry this review was so ridiculously long! :P )

--Freda

Author's Response: Oh my word - thank you so much! It was amazing to log on and see your incredible review this evening. I'm thrilled to hear that you liked this :)

Thanks for pointing out that typo (I had hoped that I had caught them all before I submitted the chapter, but obviously not).

I'm glad you liked how Bekah was revealed through the rumours - it was lots of fun to write!

The not-naming-Caitlin thing was mostly intentional, though I had intended to get her name in a little bit earlier. I can see that having Lily Luna listed as a character when she only gets a brief mention might be confusing. (I think I might change that.)

My favourite subject at school is maths, and the Arithmancy conversation is based on one I had with my friend in class the other day. I have no idea how Arithmancy works, so I combined maths and divination and got, well, that conversation. I'm glad you like it!

Ruby is based on a friend of mine, and I'm glad that the "scary" vibe came across in my writing! And I would hate to be in Caitlin's position in that scene (and I have been on a few occasions actually...).

As much as I would like to claim credit for the band name, I think Bent Winged Snitches was the name of a band J.K. Rowling mentioned on Pottermore somewhere.

I don't particularly like 'popular exchange student' cliche, but I had written this before I realised that it fell into that cliche. I'm glad you think I wrote it well. The reason she moved around so much is that her Muggle father works in the oil industry. I'm also really glad that you like Bekah - I would love everyone who reads this to like Bekah.

I knew from the first glimpse of the idea that Caitlin had a tragic backstory, but I didn't know exactly what it was until I wrote it. I feel sorry for Caitlin, but Bekah definitely sticks around. They become good friends, which is - as you said - what Caitlin needed.

Never apologise for a long review! Thank you so much for everything you said - this has absolutely made my day!


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