Hello there.

I'm - as you've probably guessed - here for Hufflepuff for House Cup 2015 - The Amazing Race Week 3.

And I've actually wanted to read this story for a while, because it looked so interesting. I saw it in the topic for the Banner Challenge, and I put it on my reading list but I didn't have the time to read it until now. But I'm glad I finally got to, because this was a very good story. I have to start by admitting that I haven't read anything in YLYL universe, but I still enjoyed the story even if I hadn't heard about some of these characters before.

For me, this is about a very close and personal topic, and I honestly think the story was very believable - unfortunately. As someone who's suffered depression and some really dark thoughts myself, I know first hand that it's very easy to convince friends and family that everything is fine. So James confession was just so realistic in my opinion, because friends very often have clue what's really going on.

But enough about that. I absolutely loved the first paragraph with the description of death - it's so reflective and wise. This line - "As it is, it remains one of life’s cruel jokes that death does not pick and choose where to lay its hands" - is probably my favourite. It's so true, and so wisely said.

I think sometimes you add a little bit more description, especially when it comes to feelings. While we hear James' confession, it would be great if we could see it a little bit more feelings - in actions, thoughts, or maybe you could just make a little bit more out of it, cause it is such an important part of story and such an important and difficult topic. The bravery it requires to admit such a thing is great, and it certainly can't be easy to find out that a friend might have had such a difficult time as Willow Nott may have had. So I would try to maybe show that a little bit more, but other than that I think it is amazing. I especially like how the story is building up to a turning point - James' confession - and then the silence settling as they don't know what to say - they're not prepared to talk about death.

So to sum up, it's a very good story. I'll have to hurry off now, but I just have to say good job on this piece!

- Lotte

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Hufflepuff House Cup 2015 Review

I really like the opening to this story. It seems very wise and eloquent – it almost feels as if Dumbledore is saying it. My favorite part is “In order to understand this, one must first understand that some lies are believed due to ignorance and some are believed because we would like to believe them”.

It also creates such a huge contrast when you switch to a simple description of Rose walking down the street.. I think that this works really well to reinforce your point that death comes when least expected, and even when it is there it is denied by the normalcy of life.

Is there a character named Red, or is that a typo for Rose?

I get the idea that this is connected to the other stories in your fanfic universe. I recognize some of the characters and ships, but I’m not sure how strongly these particular events are tied to others.

I thought it was too bad that James was led away and that everybody remained silence. It seems to me that they all do really need to talk and get things out in the open. But maybe you are right – we can’t judge people for the way that they grieve.

Sam.

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Hey!

I must admit I haven't read the YLYL fic and I'm not sure if you were intending for this to be a stand-alone fic, but I feel like it does work well enough as a standalone one-shot. I really liked the really unique plot you had in here - it's definitely a touchy subject, and you are very correct about how talking about death is strange because it's unknown, feared and unpredictable. I did think Rose's way of sharing the news was a bit blunt, but maybe that's part of her personality. James' outburst was really well written. I have no experience of feeling in his position, but it seemed very realistic and believable. I feel like wanting to check out the YLYL world now to see what happens there, so maybe sometime in the future! All in all though, this was an enjoyable read.

- Charlotte
Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015

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hey! jess here, reading and reviewing so that I can (finally lol) get the results out for the diversity challenge. the results should be out within the next couple of days so keep your eyes peeled over on the forums!

plot/written value:
I'm just going to preface this by saying I haven't read any/much of the ylyl universe so if I'm asking silly questions or whatever that have been explained in other stories you'll have to forgive me haha. okay so I'll start with a point from your a/n about this being a story told through characters, through their dialogue and not through description. that's something really unique and it works so well with this subject matter. even the description--everything really--is so simple and creates this feeling of emptiness. it really adds to the tone of the piece and makes it that bit more emotional. I also really liked the ending and beginning bits and the reiteration of the idea that death doesn't have consideration for others or turn up at a set time; death is this crazy, devastatingly unpredictble force and I think you capture that idea magnificently in this.

characters:
I'll talk about james because I feel like he was one of the most focal of this oneshot, even though it began with rose. his silence through most of the chapter makes me so sad but I understand why. the way he just lays his past and all the things he's struggled with open on the table is such a raw and honest moment. when he spoke of what his suicide note had said it honestly broke my heart.

diversity:
touched upon it already but you handled the subject matters so sensitively and with such care here. you didn't shy away from the brutal effects of depression and suicide, instead showcasing them in the harsh but real truth of it all. I commend you for that. even though james' story doesn't play an overall large part in the main plot focus it's such a heartfelt moment and I think you wrote it wonderfully :)

favourite line/bit:
"death does not discriminate" in the summary is so poignant

- jess, xo

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Hi Joey! I'm here with your first of four prize reviews!

Wow, I'm really not sure what to say about this - I'm kind of speechless, though once I'm able to get my thoughts together cohesively I think I'll have quite a lot to say, because this story really touched me. Right now I'm sitting in a library trying not to cry...

I think the style you used was so perfect for the subject matter. It's kind of a bare story, a bit harsh, wih no embellishments; it just is. Kind of like death itself. There's no way to soften it at all, especially concerning the death of a young person, it's just a raw thing - and closure doesn't come immediately, which is why I like how you ended the story with no closure at all. The tone was perfectly created with the simplicity of the story.

“She always seemed so happy.”
“A lot of depressed people do,” Albus explains to Fred.
- this. This is so true. It's said so simply here, but I had a lot of feelings reading that bit. Having struggled with depression myself, I could resonate with this a lot, as well as with James' reaction. It's so hard to lose a friend, especially as a young adult, and James' reaction and confession of his struggles echoed the feeling I had when my cousin died (not suicide, it was cancer, so I knew it was coming eventually but it was still a huge shock to hear of it and made me question a lot of things.) Reading this, although the circumstances were different, I could so easily see myself in James' shoes with this familiar combination of shock, confusion at why things happened the way they did, and even a bit of a misplaced feeling of guilt at the unfairness. Death is not an easy thing to talk about, or to think about. And especially in those ending lines - They’ll deal with it another day. - that one again is just such bare truth.

I'm sorry this is the most useless and rambly review ever, but this story, despite its brevity, hit close to home and I felt so connected with the emotions you were portraying. This is such a strong piece and though it was definitely not a cheerful read, I want to thank you for requesting that I read this one. Really well done. ♥

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Hello Joey/Joseph/crestwood.

It is I, lamb of god, here to to tell you just how much you made me cry from reading this story.

I don't even know where to begin.

Well, depression. suicide. They are both so close to my heart. I've been diagnosed with depression myself and it's not easy to overcome. It's even more difficult to hide it from people. Contrary to what most people think, we don't go through this on purpose because we want attention. It's truly a dark, lonely, helpless experience, and a lot of the times, no one knows when the person is depressed.

This: “She always seemed so happy.”

“A lot of depressed people do,” Albus explains to Fred.

You've put it so simply, but so apt. This is where the tears began.

Then, James. Death. It's funny - in a non-funny way - how death reveals things. Reminds people of certain instances, brings them closer together. Makes people realize.

I love that paragraph. This entire chapter was such a mix of things. It's an eye-opener about depression, it's a solid account of suicide, and it's also a deeply introspective, philosophical insight about death. Brilliant, brilliant job with this.

~ lamb of god
P. S. Great game of quidditch, Seeker. Think you can seek me out?

Author's Response: I'm finally answering this and I actually know who you are now :P

Oh no, did I make you cry again?! I keep doing that with my sad stories.

I've been/am depressed and this story was not easy to write at all. This story just kind of happened out of nowhere. I wasn't sure what I was going to do with the very vague idea I had, but I ended up just making a very vague story out of it.

James' reaction was not planned at all. He sprung that on me out of nowhere. I knew nothing about him before this story, but then he decided to steal the spotlight a bit. I was so sad to have to write that.

I'm so glad you thought I handled this heavy subject matter well. I was a complete wreck writing this.

Thank you so much for this review ♥

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Is it a bird, is it a plane, no it's The Hot Cross Bun Monster who has come to eat up your story muhahaha!

I must say I did indeedy enjoy the use of one at the start of the story as it tends to make one sound much more eloquent and it adds a new dynamic to the story. Another delectable thing about the start of this piece of art was the poignant thoughts and reflections about death as I did find them most apt and given how I am often trying to prevent my death from humans wanting to eat me I could relate to the closeness of it too.

The style was most exquisite with the use of those short, sharp and startling sentences as it really gave the story a pow-wow-wow and highlighted the bam, bam, bam of death as one is never able to know when it is coming and it always takes one by surprise and shock and I thought those feelings echoed beautifully within all those characters. James' revelation would have chilled me to the bone if I had any as it was incredibly raw and powerful and the use of italics really enforced how much feeling was in those few sentences.

The ending line was beautiful and definitely ended the story on a right note of power, meaning and feeling and it is bound to have a lasting impact on all readers, beautiful.

Now, I must escape back to my lair before I am too consumed by feeling. Until later my friend!

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You really like to make your characters uncomfotrtable. I have not seen anything similar yet, and i think it's great that your writing is so different.

Author's Response: I hardly ever give my characters a break, I must admit. I always strive to write outside of box a little. I'd hate to write the same Next-Gen stories as everyone else. Thanks for the review!

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Sad times. The title and summary tipped me off, but from the very first sentence I knew it was just never gonna be good. And then her last name was Nott and you know how I feel about the Notts, so you probably know that I am not doing so good right now. Such feels. ;(

“She always seemed so happy.”

“A lot of depressed people do,” Albus explains to Fred. - This. Just this. It's so important not to judge or assume because you just never know how they really are. This sums it up perfectly, which is both good and very sad.

Oh, James. Now. Now the first chapter of misguided ghosts makes sense. I probably should have read in order. I wish he was real so I could hug him.

I have a lot of feelings right now...

Sam.

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Joey!

Wow, what a heavy piece. I'm struggling to think of the right things to say but I'll give this my best try. Death is such a difficult topic at any age but especially so for young adults when they're at the point of just coming into life and have so much of it to look forward to. The shock felt by the characters came through very well. I really get not wanting to identify their friend as the dead person and using the term body instead. I feel that's quite common with death and not wanting to view the essense of a person as gone because their body has stopped moving.

James confesion about struggling with depression and contemplating suicide is gut wrenching. I have to admire the bravery at admitting that but I was also sad that his closest friends did not know already. I like that you didn't give this a definitive "here's what happened to Willow and here's what they did afterwards" feel. It's brief and harsh, much like death.

Thank you so much for doing a swap with me. *hug*

-Rose

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Hey Joseph!

First I just need to say that I think it's amazing how you're keeping all of these stories in the same universe. It's so cool because you have all of these stand alone stories, that you don't need to read the others to get, but if you have read the others, there may be things you would notice or pick up on that other people would not. It's just brilliant.

Poor Rose. That can't be easy to be the person who has to break that news to their whole group of friends/relatives. But being a Healer, she would find that out first, I'm assuming. And that opening paragraph was so true. You really do always associate death with the elderly, even though we're all very aware they don't always necessarily go together.

"death does not pick and choose where to lay its hands" So sad, yet very true.

My heart absolutely broke for Scorpius. It's not easy losing a friend. Especially someone you were friends with for so long. A few years ago, one of my childhood friends passed away unexpectedly. It was horrible. It took a long time for me to, not get over it, but deal with it(?), I guess is a way of putting it. I knew exactly how they were feeling.

As soon as it was said that her wand was found at the top and her body down bottom, my thought process was the same as Lysander's. I assumed the same thing. And no one ever wants to think that's what happened to someone, so the reactions from Fred and the rest of them were very realistic.

James reaction surprised me. I honestly wouldn't know what to say or do if one of my friends admitted that and stormed off.

This was definitely a darker one, which fit in with the banner really well. It was one of those one-shots that invoked a lot of feelings in me and I'll probably be thinking of for a while after reading this. Your stories and characters always feel so real. I don't know how you do it. It's truly a gift, Joseph.

Excellent job!! Thanks for the swap, hun!! ♥

xoxo Meg

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Hello there!

I'm here for our review swap!

This was a really interesting way of approaching death. Your opening paragraph was particularly strong and really set the scene beautifully. As Rose ran across the street, I was convinced that it was her who would die.

I also thought that James' revelation was touching and slightly sad. Having had a very dear friend commit suicide in his 20's, I totally can see your character, James' frustration. No one ever wants to talk about suicide...and even when it seems relatively clear that the person has committed suicide, denial seems to hang in the air.

I would like to offer you one critique and that is that this chapter is very short. It's mostly dialogue so it honestly reads very rapidly and a bit choppy. I'm not sure if that was intentional or not, but I think adding some descriptive sentences would improve it.

Also, I found the reactions of the characters upon finding out about the death a touch unrealistic. I'm thinking you wanted to go for shocked, but I still think there would be more of a reaction.

Overall, I think you've set it up beautifully and you have an interesting scenario. I'm interested to see where it goes.

~Kaitlin

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