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Reading Reviews for Pitch Black Night
17 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Challenge Cheerleaders Chapter 1

11th March 2016:
Ah, I loved it! WolfStar is one of my favorites, and I thought you captured both Sirius and Remus really well. Sneaking out of the castle by himself in search of a werewolf is totally the brash, reckless sort of thing teenaged Sirius would do. And, I believe that he would be capable of casting an effective disillusionment charm at that age because we know from the books that he was quite talented at magic.

The way Remus reacted when he saw Sirius was believable as well. We know he worried about hurting others when he transformed, so his fear made sense. I also think Remus has an analytical side that doesn't get tapped into that much, but you used that really well to show him trying to unpuzzle Sirius' actions. Fortunately, he has good instincts, so he came to the right conclusion.

Sirius' confession: AW :wub: YAY HAPPY WOLFSTAR!

This was a really touching missing moment of fluff. You keep saying you don't like fluff, but when you write it, it's always so good!!!

Cheering you on in writing and in life, because you are amazing! GOOO KAITLIN!

Author's Response: Hello My Dearest Challenge Cheerleader!

Thank you so much for dropping by!

I love Wolfstar too.

I think all of the Maruaders were pretty talented to figured out how to become Animagus' on their own.

And a teenage Sirius would definitely be reckless in my mind.

I always found that Remus was much more thoughtful and logical.

Yes! There are far too few happy Wolfstars, so I thought I'd do my part and add one!

That makes me feel a little better to know that I can at least pull off writing fluff, but yeah, it isn't really my favorite category. The realist in me has a hard time imagining and idealistic world where there's perfect fluffy romances.

Thank you again for your support and love! Your encouragement really has me determined to meet this goal!


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Review #2, by blackballet Chapter 1

24th August 2015:
Oh my gosh! I'm suddenly in love with wolfstar.

Beyond that, I absolutely loved the structure of this one-shot. Your descriptions are so well developed and intricate I feel as if I am in the scene myself.

You never resorted to telling the reader what an object was. For example: the Invisibility Cloak was never a cloak or a sheath. All you told us was that Mrs. Norris didn't detect Sirius. That was all you needed, and it's all you gave.

I commend you on your ability to only use what's necessary. I have definitely not mastered that yet, and it makes your story have a purpose that doesn't seem forced.

On to Remus and Sirius. I feel that Remus' reaction was spot-on. It was a perfect reveal, and also a perfect description of Sirius transforming. The only problem I had with that scene is that I would've expected all they boys to be there. Although, I suspect Sirius just wanted a moment alone with Remus *wink wink*.

Congrats on such a fulfilling one-shot!


Author's Response: Hello there!

I'm so glad you dropped by!

AH! I love it when description works! I'm so glad you pointed those details out.

I try really hard, but sometimes I still struggle with it. Sometimes I really have to push to find enough words, sometimes I have to drastically edit to make it reasonable.

Yay for things being spot on!

I get what you're saying about James and Peter being there, but in this particular version of events, I think Sirius wanted it to be a bit more romantic. I doubt the romance aspect would be there with James and Peter giggling in the background.

Anyway, thank you so much for your lovely feedback!


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Review #3, by Frankie05 Chapter 1

11th July 2015:

Here for House Cup 2015 - Gryffindor

This is so good! It's so beautiful. It is very well written, especially written in second person. I think you did a phenomenal job. The apprehension Sirius feels the entire time he is there is magnificent. He must have been truly nervous because I'm sure before the first time he does and visits Remus he had successfully broke curfew or any huge school rules. And he was so excited. I feel I often read stories where Remus is the more timid one and Sirius is more demanding but I loved how this was switch. Sirius was nervous, afraid of losing his friend and confessing his feelings for the boy, and Remus was actually quite demanding and stern with him. It is so nice to see things not being over used.

For as much as was new to you in this story, it was beyond excellent.


Author's Response: Hi Frankie!

Thank you so much for this review!

I'm so happy that you liked what I did here. Remus usually is the more shy one, but I figured that in this scenario with Sirius talking about his feelings, he might actually be sort of nervous.

Remus does get a bit stern in cannon when it comes to his relationship with Tonks, so I thought it might work for him to exhibit similar behavior towards Sirius.

Thank you for your kind words!


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Review #4, by Unicorn_Charm Chapter 1

4th May 2015:
Hey Kaitlin! Here for our swap!

I'm honestly surprised that I haven't read this yet. I know I've meant to because; Sirius. :)

I. Loved. This. So. Much. You did such an incredibly amazing job with this! Especially considering that none of this was anything you would normally write. The second person narrative was beautifully done and really added a tense atmosphere to your story. I felt really nervous and a bit uneasy while reading Sirius sneaking through the castle and out into the grounds.

I enjoyed your characterization of Sirius here. He didn't seem as cocky, arrogant or almost indifferent as he is normally portrayed in fic. He was more, I don't even know how to explain it properly. More like a real person and not an idealized version (that even I'm guilty of writing) if that makes any sense?

Remus was dead on. From the little bit that we saw of him here, he definitely still felt like Remus. And I LOVED their fluffy little moment together there. Even though you said you usually don't write happy, fluffy endings, you totally nailed it here! Loved it!

The only thing that stuck out to me a little was this sentence.
"It appears you are in a dilapidated building, run down from years of abandonment."
Only because he knew about the knot in the tree and the secret passage way, which suggests that he would have been fhere before, but that sentence contradicts that. But that's me just being super, super nitpicky, so feel free to ignore me and tell me to shut up. :p

This was fantastic, as always. Your writing continues to amaze me, Kaitlin. Excellent job!! ♥

xoxo Meg

Author's Response: Hi Meg!

I'm so happy that you got a chance to read this one! I'm really proud of it since it was such a different writing style for me.

It's a relief to know that the 2nd person POV worked out. Originally, when I wrote it I was a bit worried that it might be too boring because usually 2nd person POV is used for horror or adventure, not really love or fluff.

Sirius was fun to write, but I definitely wanted him to be a touch more like a real person. He is usually portrayed as cocky or arrogant, but I imagine in a situation like this he would still be nervous like any other person. I guess I wanted him to have some complexities.

I definitely do not usually write fluff and this was a bit out of my normal zone, but I feel pretty happy with how it turned out.

Thank you for pointing that out about the tree. What you are saying makes perfect sense.

Thank you so much for such a lovely review!


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Review #5, by Karou_Marauder Chapter 1

4th April 2015:
Go Team Red ^.^

Second person is probably my favourite point of view, and you wrote it really really well. I felt like I was in Sirius' place - I felt all his emotions and could picture everything from where he was. Your descriptions were great as well - everything was very clear. I could see every little detail perfectly.

The plot for this story was great too. Although I always imagined it being James' idea, the fact that Sirius would do this just for Remus was a great indicator of how much he loved him. I think maybe that was the only part that could have been a bit better, showing Sirius' emotions in more depth, but this was really good for your first slash.

You showed us another side to Sirius, the caring and worrying side, which he definitely see in canon but doesn't get explored a lot in fanfic. Remus the worrier was great too, always looking out for his friends.

I really like this story, good job.


Author's Response: Hi Karou,

2nd Person POV was a unique challenge for me. I had never tried writing it previous to this story here. I really, really tried to focus on describing the images because I thought it would help the reader imagine it.

With Sirius' emotions, I don't picture him being overly emotional and even though Wolfstar isn't cannon, I wanted to keep their personalities somewhat similar to cannon. I have thought about adding in a bit more detail about his nerves leading up to his admission though. I think the bit of shyness at the end is kind of the culmination of all those nerves.

Thank you so much for the review!


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Review #6, by merlins beard Chapter 1

1st April 2015:
Hey there, here for our review swap. First of all... apparently, i ended up picking the one story that is different from everything you usually write... and if the stuff you write way outside your comfort zone is this good, i might have to check out your other stuff as well.
I haven't read many stories in second person, and i'm usually reluctant to read them (because i feel they are sometimes very confusing). i'm glad i gave this a chance instead of stopping three sentences in and just picking another story.

I really like how much detail you put into everything, especially describing sirius' thoughts as he sneaks out of the castle and into the passage... but by far the best part is the description of the animagus transformation.
I love the pairing... i usually picture sirius as a womanizer, but remus/sirius is always interesting to read. I would have imagined Remus a little more reluctant and disbelieving or a little more surprised.

I really like what you've come up with.

~Anja (merlins beard)

Author's Response: Hi Anja,

Thank you for swapping reviews with me!

You're right in that you picked something completely out of my normal range of writing. I'm so happy to hear that you thought it worked out well.

2nd person POV is always a risk because a lot of people are put off by it. Luckily, so far I've been hearing that this one works out okay...so that's a relief!

Detail is something I always try to focus on. I want the reader to be able to hear, feel, see, taste, and smell everything that I think the character would. I try really hard to push the descriptive factor.

I thought about making Remus a bit more skeptical at first, but then I realized that he and Sirius are best friends and I think he would know that it wasn't a joke.

Thank you again for swapping reviews with me! I enjoyed it!


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Review #7, by TidalDragon Chapter 1

31st March 2015:
Howdy Kaitlin! Sorry for yet another delay :(

Before I get into the nitty-gritty I'll say outright that I don't really evaluate "holds interest" for stories with fewer than 3,000 words just because they're short enough that once I've clicked in, I'm always going to finish.

Now for the meat! I'll lead by saying that I thought the description in the story was a strong point. You didn't overpower us with it, but you gave us details beyond bland identifiers that made it easier to truly visualize things that lesser writers leave out of mundane things like doors and fur like design and texture.

In terms of plot, I certainly found the piece believable. Though I never really paid attention to them before they were pointed out in threads here the signs are definitely present in canon to make this pairing viable and I think it's a really interesting take that Sirius was the mastermind behind becoming Animagi and that love was an impetus. I don't know how I feel about how bluntly he expressed that, but at the same time can't (without really wrestling with it) think of a better way necessarily.

The use of second-person was interesting. The intersection of your excellent descriptions and the POV were, for me, a bit different because most second-person I've read or written has all been so mental/emotional that straight description of it felt a bit unusual. That's not to say that great descriptions don't have their place in second-person - they absolutely do - but it felt like we needed more of a "reason" for them being noticed given the POV. To achieve that, I'd try to find ways to project the thought and emotion elements more into the story, connection them with descriptions (like the Black Lake as a metaphor for his conflict about what's about to happen - him being placid on the outside, but underneath, roiling with [blah-de-blah] like the Giant Squid) or some such thing.

Anyway, I hope despite its lateness, you've found this constructive and helpful. Feel free to PM as always if you want follow-up on any of this!

Author's Response: Hey Kevin,

No worries on the delay. I realize when I make requests that it is at the convenience of whoever is reviewing and no one else. You never need to feel rushed to get to my stuff.

I'm glad that you liked the descriptiveness. I always try really hard to describe things, but in this particular story it was even harder because of the 2nd person POV.

I had never given much thought to Wolfstar myself. In fact, I didn't know it even existed until about a month into my time here on the forums, but as you pointed out, there is a good bit of cannon hints to point to it at least being plausible.

The transformation into an animagus being Sirius' idea was just me playing with ways to demonstrate love instead of just verbally expressing it. I think it's significant that his best friends would do this for him in the first place and regardless of romantic intention or not, that clearly shows how much they all love their friend.

Your point about needing more emotional connection is duly noted. Since this was my first time writing 2nd person, I really struggled trying to figure out how to balance the thoughts in Sirius' head, the things happening around him, and the action.

I am planning to go through and re-edit everything I've posted so far, so when I get to this one, I will absolutely keep your advice in mind!

Thank you so much as always for leaving me such a helpful review!


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Review #8, by CassiePotter Chapter 1

21st March 2015:
Hi there! I'm here for our review swap!
I thought this story was really great! I LOVE stories that are in second person, and I thought it suited this story really well. Showing Remus that he's an animagus and then telling him that he loves him are two really big moments for Sirius, so reading them in second person made them a lot more personal and a lot more emotional.
I loved the chemistry between Remus and Sirius! You could tell how close they were as friends and then after Sirius told Remus his feelings for him, that bond just got stronger. I thought it was a great moment when they kissed and Sirius thought that Remus had hit him at first! I thought it was a funny little moment, and something I could imagine Sirius thinking.
I thought your descriptions were wonderful, and I could really picture everything that happened in this story. You've done a great job with second person POV, I loved the way you characterized Remus and Sirius, and I thought the fluffy ending was really great, too. Good job with this!
Cassie :)

Author's Response: Hi Cassie,

Thank you so much for your lovely review! I'm so happy that you enjoyed my version of Wolfstar. The forceful kiss was something I was a bit nervous about, but in the end I like it. I think it demonstrated that there was a lot of built up passion for each other.

It's a big relief to hear that the 2nd person POV worked. It was my first time using it and it can be quite tricky to work with, so I was being really overly critical.

Thanks again for swapping with me!


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Review #9, by chinaglaze Chapter 1

21st March 2015:
I never know whether I love or hate Wolfstar stories, I donít read many of them, but this is charming.

Your use of second person viewpoint is interesting and handled very well. The descriptions are good - I particularly liked the description of going under the tree.

Siriusí uncertainty is touching and sweet, though Iím not so sure about a kiss so hard that it might be a blow. I think Iíd have liked something more tender for their first kiss.

Itís a lovely little story anyway.

Author's Response: Hi there!

I'm glad that you found my Wolfstar story charming. I really wanted to try hard to break Sirius out of his usual mold. Most of the time people write him as really arrogant, but I thought that in this type of circumstance he would be a bit more shy.

The 2nd person POV was a bit of an experiment to be quite honest, so I'm pleased enough with it.

As for the kiss, the reason I wanted it to be more aggressive is to show the built up tension between them. There's this immediacy to their need for each other. I'm sure the tender kisses will come later on.

Anyways, thank you for reading!


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Review #10, by wolfgirl17 Chapter 1

18th March 2015:
Hey Kaitlin!

Wolfgirl here to check out your entry for my Break the Mold challenge and speaking as someone who has personally read ALL of your stories, I must say I'm seriously impressed.

It took a lot of bravery to even enter the challenge I created, and in actuality I only ended up with 2 entries, so rest assured that you're going to get a place. I've not read the other entry yet, so I can't tell you which of you came first yet but I'll have the results posted ASAP.

Now, onto the fic.

You've done amazingly with this fic Kaitlin. I absolutely adore your descriptions of everything through Sirius, and I liked the way you made Sirius the nervous one in this pairing for a change as ordinarily in Wolfstar fics he is the cocky confident one and Remus is the shyer one.

I especially liked your description of the kissing scene. For someone who has never written a slash pairing before you seriously rocked it. I love that Sirius wondered for a moment if he;d been punched. Such a cool idea and such a powerful description for that kind of kiss.

Your use of 2nd person POV really took this fic to a new level of challenging for you I think. There are parts where it does come across as just a little bit awkward, but that is entirely due to your lack of experience writing this way. It's not an easy feat, especially when writing this kind of fic. Ordinarily in 2nd person we see a lot of the main character writing as though they are a narrator, or a lot where it depicts the main character being narrated by a stalked/watcher. The scene you created didn't work for that type of narration idea though, so the way you've done it is much more exciting and intriguing.

You really broke your mold on this challenge and I'm so proud of you for entering, a lot of people were to chicken to give it a go so kudos on your bravery (your Gryffindor is showing) *teehee*

Absolutely fantastic fic and a wonderful entry. You've outdone yourself! I love it and I hope you update your others works again soon.


Author's Response: Hi Ellie!

You have no idea how excited I am that you are seriously impressed by my story! I really enjoy your writing and in comparison I feel like mine is child's play, so that means a lot to me.

I really had fun writing Wolfstar for the first time and will probably explore them again in the future sometime. Making Sirius somewhat nervous seemed natural to me. Even the most confident person is normally a bit shy or nervous when they make a declaration of love for the first time. The idea of rejection is a scary thing, particularly in this case because it has the potential to make things weird for them since their such good friends.

It's such a relief to hear that the 2nd person perspective worked for the most part! I can get over a few awkward sentences as long as the overall story was good. Before writing this, I did a bit of research on 2nd person POV and found a thread on the forums, but it seemed like most of the commentary on it was pretty negative. It made me a bit skeptical about writing it this way, but in the end I'm pretty happy with how it came out.

Thank you again for such a lovely review! Your praise means a lot to me! And thank you for creating a challenge that really pushed me to do something different than my usual!


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Review #11, by Meleessuhh Chapter 1

18th March 2015:
Hi there! This is Melissa for our review swap :) sorry it took so long! I got backed up with work/homework/life

First of all, I really liked that it was in second person point of view. It's a lot more challenging than writing in another point of view because it feels unnatural. You had a nice vivid flow that was constant throughout the whole story. You could really feel how nervous Sirius was and it was easy to follow that he was headed to the Whomping Willow.

I haven't read much slash especially because I feel like it tends to get too fluffy, but I honestly couldn't even tell that this was your first attempt at it. It didn't come off as too cheesy and definitely felt realistic. It was sweet and romantic without feeling like it was too much. You've done a great job introducing the story and characters, I can't wait to read more!


Author's Response: Hi Melissa!

No worries. Life happens for everyone. I'm actually running a bit late on returning a swap as well. :(

2nd person POV is definitely a challenge. This was actually the first time I've ever written in it. I'm glad that it came across as easy to follow. I was worried I might accidentally over complicate it.

I can't tell you how relieved I am to hear that my story seemed realistic. I tried really hard to think of how men act when they are feeling any emotion...and then incorporate that in the story.

Thank you so much for such a kind review!


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Review #12, by pottered  Chapter 1

16th March 2015:
Ooo, second pov; nice. I haven't read a story in the second pov for a long while so this was refreshing.
I don't usually read Remus stories, but this one was really cute, and yes- fluffy, and since it was for the Break The Mold challenge, you wrote out of your comfort zone which is great. I thought the story would end at a sad note but then, yay! They kissed! (pink heart emojis)
First I thought it was Remus' pov, but then he hears a wolf howling and- Sirius! Aha, I love Sirius, alot ): and Remus too. (heart eyes). I loved the way you described the disillusion charm in the first paragraph, it was so /glittery and pretty/ lol. And aw! The way it's shown that Sirius alone turns animagus for Remus is S'CUTE. I'm in love. It touched my heart.
- pottered1 from the forums (: x

Author's Response: Hi there!

I'm so happy that you liked the 2nd person POV! Honestly, I was terrified to try writing it after all of the negative things I read about 2nd person perspectives on the forums.

I had so much fun writing this Sirius/Remus pairing! It really was nice trying to find a realistic way for Sirius to announce his love for Remus. Since his animagus form is a shaggy black dog, I figured that could have some significance.

Oh and the disillusionment charm!! That is exactly how I imagine it in my head, so I'm happy it came across well on paper!

Thanks for your review!


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Review #13, by crestwood Chapter 1

15th March 2015:
Hi! I see this was for the Break The Mold Challenge and I just want to compliment your bravery for joining that challenge at all. I didn't have it in me to potentially have to leave my comfort zone so drastically.

The first paragraph was an amazing description of a disillusionment charm if I've ever seen one. Your descriptions in general are just great as this person creeps through Hogwarts at night. We all know what the castle looks like, but it's still nice when people find words to illustrate it in our minds all the clearer.

I have never heard of someone attempting to run through the range of the Whomping Willow like this, but it's actually really exciting to read, if kind of scary.

I thought that you might go in this direction. I must say, I like the idea of Sirius transforming for Remus alone, rather than with James and Peter as I usually see done.

Again, your descriptions stand out--they really are great, I'm so jealous--during their kiss. I love that he wondered if Remus had punched him. That paints the picture of such a sudden, forceful kind of kiss that could be mistaken for a fist to the face. Your sensory details are just out of this world and I'm impressed with the use of second person. I imagine that writing from that point of view would be jarring at the least, because we're so used to the other two. Really good job on this! Every time I read one of your stories it has been excellent so far. Thank you for the swap!

Author's Response: Hi there!

Thank you for the lovely review and for calling me brave! I really love things that push me to write out of my usual arena, so this was exciting for me.

I'm thrilled that you liked the descriptions of things! I really wanted to push those because in 2nd person you need the reader to be able to see what you are imagining. I definitely enjoy reading how other people imagine things too!

I don't know if it would actually be possible to run through the range of the Whomping Willow or not, but love makes people do foolish things, so I figured Sirius could give it a shot.

As for the transformation, it always stuck out to me that Sirius became a big shaggy dog, which looks similar to a werewolf. Since in the series people in love can have the same patronus', I thought it wasn't much of a stretch for Sirius to become a dog for Remus. That made me think that if he really did choose the dog form because he loved Remus, then he probably would want it to be on his own when he showed him.

Thank you so much for your kind words about this and other stories! Your praise means a lot to me because you are such a fantastic writer yourself!


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Review #14, by toomanycurls Chapter 1

15th March 2015:
Phew. Sorry about that wait. I had half the review written when my browser on my phone refreshed and I lost everything.

You've touched on three things I love in FF: wolfstar (one of my favorite ships), Remus and Sirius (two of my favorite characters), and the second person POV. Reading this I woudn't have guessed that this was your first time writing Remus and Sirius because they really came through well. Sirius' boldness at going out to the Shrieking Shack paired with his shyness at revealing his true feelings were perfectly paired together. Remus' language was remarkable as was his reaction to seeing Sirius put himself in danger. I love that Remus didn't jump to the "oh it's because you love me" conclusion and that Sirius had to say it explicitly. I mean, Remus is a bit slow when it comes to accepting love (in my head at least) and Sirius is a bit of an idiot when it comes to expressing his feelings. I love watching them both grapple with this new proclamation.

The descriptions in this are fantastic. I enjoyed the way you describe sneaking out of hte castle (and how you really painted a detailed picture as Sirius headed out) as well as detailing what it felt like to transform.

Thanks so much for swapping with me! I quite enjoyed this.


Author's Response: Hi Rose!

No worries on the wait! That happens to me from time to time!

So we're starting out good if you like Wolfstar, Remus & Sirius, and 2nd person POV. I honestly did struggle a bit writing this because I didn't want to stereotype either of them. You're right that usually serious is portrayed as cocky, but I don't know a single person who isn't nervous when they admit their in love for the first time.

As for Remus, we know from the books that he has some self esteem issues. Tonks is practically throwing herself at him, but he seems oblivious. I figured if it had been Sirius instead, he still would've been equally as oblivious.

The descriptions were fun to write in this. I literally closed my eyes and tried to imagine how I would see them...and then find a way to describe it!

Thank you so much for the review!


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Review #15, by AdinaPuff Chapter 1

15th March 2015:
Review swap!

Oh, I love second POV. It's super interesting and I just enjoy reading it so much.

I love the descriptions of the castle at night. How eerie it feels, hearing Peeves far off, almost running into Mrs. Norris. I love reading different thoughts on the castle, especially at night.

Oh I love the description of getting into the shrieking shack. You've done a great job with imagery, describing everything so vividly.

Awe this was so sweet! Sirius is so brave and loving, going to show Remus why he can't and doesn't have to leave him now. And how scared he was of what Remus would think of him when he admitted that he was in love with him. It was just super sweet. I loved it so much!

Thanks for the swap! This was such a wonderful one shot. :D


Author's Response: Hi there,

It's quite a relief to hear someone say they love 2nd person! I was trying to find some info on it and came across a thread on the forums where pretty much everyone was like "I hate 2nd person" or "I refuse to read 2nd person"...so I was a bit nervous about writing it this way!

I'm glad the descriptions worked out okay! I really wanted to focus on them because in 2nd person you have to make the reader visualize what you're writing about or else it doesn't work well!

So I have to admit...I was super nervous about writing a Wolfstar pairing, mainly because I've never written any type of slash before. I had to re-write it a few times, mainly because I kept reading it and thinking that I was making them sound too much like two girls..when they are two men. I think this was about the 4th try that I settled on, so again...big relief that it worked out okay.

Thank you for swapping with me!


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Review #16, by alicia and anne Chapter 1

15th March 2015:
I am back to read one of your amazing stories, and I'm so excited because I absolutely LOVE your writing! :D The main thing I love about giving out these reviews is reading absolute gems from such talented authors like yourself!

Oo where am I going? (Which I now realise is a really weird question to ask..) I'm already on edge, hoping that I don't get caught sneaking out! :S

Oh no! Things are about to go wrong for me! Awww it's the first time I showed Remus that I was an animagus! I hope he appreciates this! :P

Oh my god those feels! That declaration of love hit me right in the heart . . . So many feels . . . I'm going down with this ship. Wolfstar... is...awesome! *heart swells so much it bursts in confetti because of so much love I feel* And that kiss! That kiss is the best kiss of all time!

You are perfect at writing second person! I'm always too scared to try it, you've done it perfectly! And if you want to continue writing Sirius and Remus stories I will read them all!! :D This was perfect and you were perfect!

Author's Response: Hello again!

So let me tell you how much I love getting reviews from you. You are so encouraging and kind and it always brightens my day to see that you've left a review for me. :)

It's a huge relief that you think the 2nd person perspective worked well. I honestly struggled with it quite a bit. I think I re-wrote it 5 or 6 times before I got it to flow the way I wanted it to.

As for writing more James/Sirius stories, I certainly hope to do so in the future. They are such an adorable ship.

Thank you again for brightening my day. :hugs:


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Review #17, by krazyboutharryginny Chapter 1

15th March 2015:
This is written in a super interesting way. It's hard to pull off 2nd person, but I think you've done it pretty successfully here.

There were a couple of places that felt kind of weak. For example, "You are happy because thus far everything is going as planned". This is "telling, not showing" and kind of pulled me out of the story a bit (as it's second person, and that's kind of an unnatural thought). I think just saying "Thus far everything is going as planned" would work better.

"ďWhat are you doing here, you fool?Ē he spits at you, vitriol dripping from his words" That was jarring to me; it sounds hateful, and everything after that sounds friendly but panicked.

I hope you aren't upset by these criticisms! I really did enjoy this, you attempted some very difficult things here and did an admirable job!

Author's Response: Hi there,

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! So let me start by saying that I was insanely nervous about this story mainly because there are so many things I've never done before in it.

I really appreciate you taking the time to point out things that seemed a bit jarring. I've never written 2nd person before, so little details like that are really helpful to me. I will definitely go through and make those edits as I can see exactly what you mean.

It makes me really happy that you found my attempt at all of this admirable. :) Thank you again for taking the time to leave a review.


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