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51 Reviews Found

Review #1, by cherry_pop94 Chapter one: The Beginning

28th December 2015:
Hello Kat! I'm here for our swap!

This is a really interesting start! The Founders have really grown on me lately, there's so much you can do with their story!

So far, we've been introduced to Salazar and Godric and there's a connection between them already! Old Ingvar Slytherin. And Godric and Salazar seem quite different. Salazar's quite the little bookworm. And Godric's a troublemaker, as Gryffindors are wont to be.

I'm curious to know how they interact with each other, being so different. And Godric seems much older perhaps? Anyway, great start! I can't wait to know more and see how you characterize Helga and Rowena!

Stefanie

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Review #2, by Gabriella Hunter Chapter one: The Beginning

8th November 2015:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums dropping by with a review for our swap! I'm sorry that I didn't get here sooner but I got caught up eating ribs and I got a new romance novel. My evening was pretty much decided for me. Hahaha.

I kind of slithered around on your About Me Page because I was so excited about all of the great stories you have. It took me a long time to decide what I wanted to read but this one seemed really interesting. I honestly don't read Founders era fics at all because I can never really get into them but I like this approach that you've taken.

We're not really dumped right in the middle of the Founders creating Hogwarts. I really like that you're showing them in their youth and it really gives me a great glimpse of who they'll be in the future and how much they'll change. I can't ever get a clear picture or feel of Salazar though but I like what you've done with him, he's got some elements about him that I'd really like to see more often. A Salazar with a sense of humor and love of books? Well, why not? My heart can only take so much. :3

I'm curious to find out when we'll meet the others but with what you've got so far, I'm actually enjoying the pacing of this. For the life of me, I think Godric's POV is the funniest thing in the world. I will also say this about Salazar, they both feel real and complete, we're not sure about a lot of things since there isn't much to go on but they feel like they lived and breathed at some time. So, excellent job with characterization and plus, your imagery is beautiful. :D

I'm nervous to find out what dark things are on the horizon. Godric seems like the sort of person who doesn't really get upset very often but I can tell that his visit will be far from pleasant. 'Yet inside, a cold hand tightened in his chest' that is a great way to keep me anxious for the next chapter so I will most likely see you again!

Much love,

Gabbie

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Review #3, by Alarte Ascendare Chapter one: The Beginning

21st October 2015:
Hey Kat

You have a really good start here. You have begun it slow but with a lot of information, giving the reader a good feel of what you're seeing. This is needed, I think, as This is set in another time frame.

I saw a couple of typos but those can be fixed. (Oh and I apologize for my spellings and the irregular caps. I'm on my phone)

Other than that there are no mistakes. I Luke the bond between Salazar's mom and him. Your characterization is good, nothing to complain there.

I did find some sentences a little disconnected but that could just be me.

Overall this is an amazing story. I'll definitely keep reading and reviewing.

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Review #4, by Northbound24 Chapter one: The Beginning

20th October 2015:
A founders story to me sounds the most difficult one to write as bar the canon regarding the Chamber of Secrets and the story of the Grey Lady and the Bloody Baron we know perilously little of how the four founders came together.

I really felt you got Godric and Salazar right. Gryffindor the gutsy warrior and Salazar the quiet scholarly figure.

And making Salazar's father Godric's mentor to me is a clever but simple way to explain Godric and Salazar's friendship because in canon you couldn't picture them as friends but your explanation is understandable as someone had to have taught them magic.

Great start hope you find the right path for this story.

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Review #5, by UnluckyStar57 Chapter Two: Every Beginning is an End

14th August 2015:
Hi Kat! I'm here for our swap from yesterday, and for the BvB Review Fest. :D

You write Founders era like no one I've ever seen before, and that's a good thing! I love all of the bits of backstory that you put in this chapter--just enough to leave me wanting more and only being able to guess at what happened. For instance, Salazar's sickness when he was younger intrigues me, and the relationship between Godric and Ingvar is something that I want to see more of! I want to know all about him, and he's Salazar's father!

Ooh, and I really want to know what was in the letter, too. Is Godric already planning to start Hogwarts with Rowena and Helga, and he's just trying to get Ingvar in on the plan? But Ingvar's so reluctant and I'm looking forward to seeing Godric's further relationship with Salazar as he inevitably accepts Godric's invitation to found Hogwarts.

Ooh, this line was so lovely: Gone were the people, jostling each other about in their mad rush, and the hectic tangle of voices crashing over each other faded far away. It was a time of peace, of reflection, a time he sorely needed. Some really beautiful imagery there of the people in the crowds. And I can totally sympathize with Ingvar on the enjoying-night-better-than-day thing.

A few things that I caught (very minor):

Low you always used to knock me upside the head for example. ~I think you meant "How" at the beginning.

Godric, why did you came back?~This is supposed to be "come back." Small typos, like I said!

Salazar's interaction with the snake was really interesting! I like how you wove in that part of his character, although it's a shame that the snake bit his mother. And I really enjoyed the passing down of Slytherin's locket--it's a cool kind of origin, that the locket is one of Salazar's treasured objects because it was given to him by his father.

It looks like that shadow in the woods wasn't a deer after all! Oh no! What's going to happen to the Slytherin family?! I hope that you can update soon, because I remember really enjoying your chapter three when I beta'd it, but I can't quite remember what happens in it.

This was a really great, information-filled chapter!

♥Mallory

Author's Response: Thanks, and sorry for the wait. Just reviewed yours after...ages. *hides*

Anyway, this review really made me smile, and makes me feel really guilty that I can never manage to write ones so long. I'm really happy that you liked it. :)


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Review #6, by Beeezie Chapter Two: Every Beginning is an End

9th July 2015:
Hey, Kat! Back for BvB!

Oooh, there were a lot of things I really liked about this chapter! I wish there was a third chapter up so I could get deeper into it - I'll have to keep my eye out for it in the future.

It was heavily implied last chapter, but now it seems pretty clear that Salazar really is younger than Godric, both in age and in experience. Where Godric has been out in the world, Salazar has been largely protected from it, particularly from any violence within the wizarding community, which I can see becoming very important in how his perspective of the world is shaped. The tension between his father and the Muggle world also makes me understand his tension toward Muggleborns a little better; while we can see that danger and violence can come from all quarters, he isn't necessarily able to, in a large part due to Ingvar's isolationism.

And that's without the ending, of course, which would breed anger and resentment in pretty much everyone. I can't believe you ended on that cliffhanger, though! I'm assuming that what he saw were people - Muggles, likely? - and it was horrible to read, particularly when I realized that their wands were broken. That's a pretty effective way to stop most wizards from retaliating. And if either of Salazar's parents died or his mother lost the baby (which is fairly likely, IMO - a lot of pregnancies end in miscarriage in the first trimester, often before a woman even knows she's pregnant), I can see this spurring him both to leave home and to hate Muggles.

This was so interesting, and I can't wait to see if my guesses are right!

A little CC:

Salazar's mother mentioned only being "a few weeks pregnant, not months." That didn't make sense to me on a couple levels. First, pregnancy isn't generally measured in months - it's measured in weeks, so I don't think it's likely that Amara would ever think of herself as being "a few months pregnant." Women generally don't realize that they're pregnant just a few weeks in in the first place, and they certainly don't eschew walking outside to get some herbs even much further into the pregnancy. Magic might be able to explain away some of that, but overall, it just came off as odd to me, and I think a couple small changes would make it much more plausible.

Overall, though, excellent job! I can't wait for the next update!

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Review #7, by AlecJamesCaius_ Chapter Two: Every Beginning is an End

8th July 2015:
Hey there, here for our multichaptered review swap!

I liked Godric and Ingvar in this chapter, its interesting how the relationship between Godric,Ingvar and Salazar intertwines.
I also love how well the characters are portrayed, Godric being as Gryffindor as they come (a man to my heart, ghehehe)
The pace is also picking up, which was welcome. I'm still waiting on Helena/Helga though, can't wait to see how they all come into this. I also appreciate the lack of typos.
You're doing pretty good so far I reckon. Too bad there are only 2 chapters of this story as of now.

Waiting on your review!

Alec

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Review #8, by UnluckyStar57 Chapter one: The Beginning

8th July 2015:
Hi Kat! I'm here for the July BvB Review Battle. :)

Wow, I read this story a few weeks ago so that I could help you out with chapter three, but now I'm glad that I can come back and review. It's really awesome of you to write a story about the Founders, because as you said, there aren't many fics about them. I think that historical inaccuracies are fine, especially since this is also a fic about magic, so it would really be difficult to be completely on-track with history while you're talking about a brand of magic that a twenty-first century author invented. :D

The thing that strikes me most about this is the age difference between Salazar and Godric. I suppose I've never actually thought about the ages of the Founders, and it's interesting to me that Salazar would be the younger of the pair. He does fit the mold of Angsty Teen quite well, even if he IS living in circa 1000 AD. And it's quite cool that Godric was under the tutelage of Salazar's father--I'm guessing that it was for magic? Are they both Muggleborns? Anyway, that's a cool connection established between the two.

Ooh, I can't wait to see what your Rowena and Helena are like!

Ingvar is certainly full of snappish wit and a thirst for vengeance! I can see where Salazar gets it. Ingvar might also be just the teensiest bit prone to violence, as evidenced by the book he threw at Godric, uh oh! You did such a great job with his characterization that I can definitely accept him as Salazar's father.

One thing that I wasn't too sure about was the part where you wrote "In fact, even I, as the teller of this tale, could not say." in reference to Marcus's facial expression. While that does make it sound as if it's being told like a folktale, it also doesn't fit into the style of the rest of the story, except for the part at the beginning. If you want to keep that style up for the entirety of the story, you might want to think about putting in some more of those folklorish aspects, just to ground the reader in the style you want.

In conclusion, I think this is a great first chapter, and I really want to know the bad news that Godric has to tell the Slytherins (because I've forgotten it from when I read it, whoops. silly brain).

Hopefully I can come back for more reading and reviewing later!
♥Mallory

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Review #9, by Beeezie Chapter one: The Beginning

8th July 2015:
Hey, Kat! Here for BvB!

I really enjoyed this! I think that you did an excellent job of showing snippets of the founders' respective personalities in even just short scenes.

One of the things I like was that you clearly focused in one the founders at different ages to show who they were. Either they weren't all the same age in the first place (which would be a really cool interpretation, actually! I think they're usually portrayed as being roughly the same age) or you're just identifying different parts of their pre-Hogwarts lives as significant.

Whichever is the case, I found your choice for Salazar to be really interesting. Where you showed us Gryffindor as a man - and encountering someone that's related to Salazar in some way (maybe his father?), you showed us Salazar as a boy or teenager, absorbed in his book. While is mother was thinking about his resemblance to his father, there wasn't anything inherently calculating about him in the moment. It was a very humanizing way to portray someone that I think most of us are predisposed to dislike. After all, he did leave a basilisk in the school!

That's not to give Gryffindor short shrift, though. You definitely captured the "bold" aspect of his description quite well, but I also felt like you showed an awareness and maturity in the way he comported himself. He's bold, not stupid - and while he did, as Ingvar observed, say something foolish to his prior teacher, he also clearly said it because he felt reasonably comfortable and safe doing so.

Overall, this was wonderful! A little CC, though:

I'm noticing the same thing here that I noticed with your summary in cost of redemption, except in this case it's far more integrated through the rest of the story.

Your writing is usually very neat and pulled together, but there are points where you get a little wordy and grandiose, and I think that in regards to that, less might be more. For example, in the beginning of the Salazar section, you wrote, "The day with which we begin." I don't think you needed that - I think the story would have flowed far better if you'd just said "The day was a pleasant one."

Similarly, at the end of the Salazar section, you wrote "Little did either know, however, how much life would soon change." The phrasing is just a little wordy - "Life would soon change" might be sufficient there, or even maybe nothing at all. It goes along with the old idea of show, don't tell - by spelling intrigue and suspense out to such a great extent, you're telling rather than showing.

Otherwise, though, amazing job. :hug: I can't wait to read more!

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Review #10, by AlecJamesCaius_ Chapter one: The Beginning

7th July 2015:
Hey there, here for our multi chaptered swap.

I've actually never read a Founders story, so I was very curious. This is, as you said, a nice introduction chapter were we got to see young Godric and Salazar.
Godric already seems daring, but Salazar seems more like a thoughtful quiet type. He'll become an evil pureblood maniac later though, so I'm curious to see how you'll portray that change in him. I'm not a big fan when chapters are slow, but you warned us in the beginning I guess ;p
Another thing I liked is how much this story seems like an actual book, a fairytale even, because of the way you opened it. Very original and effective.

Waiting on your review! :)

Alec

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Review #11, by bittersweetflames Chapter one: The Beginning

4th July 2015:
Hiya! Here for the BvB Review Battle. :)

Anyway, I chose this story because I am a huge fan of Founders Era and there is a severe lack of it in the archives, I think. That being said, I'm going to dive right into the story, shall I? First off, I love everything about this. There is a certain sort of atmosphere about the whole thing that makes me believe that someone were telling the story to me personally. With the way you started it, addressing the readers and saying it would not be a happy tale (only a true one) was actually really smart. I enjoyed that you did it like that, actually.

The two scenes you showed, I really enjoyed. I felt the Godric scene felt a little slow but you did say it was going to be. The first scene with Salazar and his mother was stunning, actually. The length was just right and the interactions between mother and son showed enough for there to be some sort of intrigue but for us, the readers to understand what was going on.

The Godric part was equally interesting although there were bits that I was a bit confused (although, I suppose this was to be expected in a first chapter) but Ingvar and Godric seem to really be genuinely fond of each other and I cannot wait to see Godric and Salazar interact, what would happen with Marcus and, of course, Rowena and Helga!

Loved it!

--Carla

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Review #12, by toomanycurls Chapter Two: Every Beginning is an End

3rd July 2015:
Hello!!

I found Godric and Ingvar's exchange really interesting. First of all - it was weird timing that Godric would avoid bringing up the reason for his visit and Ingvar waited the same amount of time to ask about his visit. Even before they brought up the purpose of Godric's visit, their discussion was very interesting. You do a great job bringing in the mentor/student vibe between them. With their conversation focusing on Marcus, I'll be interested to see how he plays into the story.

I can't remember if you talked about Godric's reason for seeking out Ingvar for help but I'm now desperately curious to know what it is that has him going around to garner help/support.

Ingvar's reflecton and hte revelation that his wife is pregnant gives such a needed depth to his reactions and character. Each character in this story has a nice complexity to them which makes me eager to keep reading.

Seeing Salazar speak to (or at least understand) the snake was very cool. I enjoyed the moment between mother and son but am worried that he snake bite will turn into something worse.

dude! Did muggles just attack them!??! O.O when are you writing more?

-Rose

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Review #13, by DaaOne Chapter Two: Every Beginning is an End

29th June 2015:
Hi there,

I agree you don't find many stories in the honor of the great Hogwarts' founders. I myself am writing one but quiet different from what you have going on here.

I like the plot: the idea that Slytherin's father was Gryffindor's mentor explains well the relationships those two had. And the fact that the old Slytherin was a bold man gave him lots of muggle enemies so it would be natural for them to discover there's something odd about him.

I look forward to seeing what happens to this family, I hope there wouldn't be tears though... I already like the mother and I've grown a bit on the Slytherins.

All in all, you're doing great job with this story: the pace is just right for it, you give your reader enough information without completely overwhelming them or boring them and you keep them wondering what might happen next wanting to read more. And that's just great.

So I hope I can read the next chapter soon enough, until then enjoy writing :)

DaaOne

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Review #14, by AlexFan Chapter one: The Beginning

22nd June 2015:
It’s been around two months since you requested this from me but I’m finally here, sorry for the long wait.

I’ve actually never read a founder’s story before, I attempted to write one but I’ve never actually read one so this was a new experience for me. And I admire that you’re taking as difficult of a genre such as founder’s era, and I wish you the best of luck with it. The important thing about writing a Founder’s fic is historical accuracy, and that requires a lot of research so I wish you luck on finding out how things worked in the 900s. I’m actually curious as to how different wizard and muggle societies were back then, because muggles wouldn’t have been able to afford books unless they were nobleman because of the cost of the book since they were all written by hand, and the only books available at the time was the Catholic Bible, and people didn’t know how to read so maybe wizards were ahead in that aspect, or Hogwarts was just run differently back then without the use of textbooks and such.

I especially liked the scene involving Godric, you can already tell what kind of a person he is just from the way that he sees the world and his interactions with Ingvar, I already like Godric and I look forward to anymore chapters which involve him. You can definitely see some of the daring and recklessness in him, I don’t think anyone but a Gryffindor would purposely bait someone they knew could take them on and win. I like how you ended the story on a note of mystery to keep the reader wondering. I think your story is off to a great start and I wish you luck on writing it!

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Review #15, by Tonks1247 Chapter Two: Every Beginning is an End

18th June 2015:
Hello! Here from the BvB review battle!

OH MY GOSH HOW DARE YOU END A CHAPTER LIKE THAT! I WAS JUST GETTING SO INTO IT AND THEN YOU END IT AFTER THE WHOLE MINI PANIC ATTACK ABOUT THE SNAKE BEING POISONOUS AND JUST…THIS IS TOO MUCH.

Okay. Sorry. Had to get that outta my system right off the bat here.

So. Really loved this chapter. I love Salazar, and Godric, and Ingvar. I love their interactions with other characters and how they handle conversation with each other. I love the history you put into Godric and Ingvar, with Godric bringing up the past in ways that affect Ingvar in ways he doesn’t realize exist. Your characterization is flawless, as each character reacts the way they should, based on the roles you’ve assigned to them. It really is fantastic.

Other things I loved…the plot, so far. I have a feeling I am starting to have an understanding of what Godric is visiting Ingvar for with the letter and all, though I don’t know the significance of said letter. I’d also hedge my guess, but I think I need a little bit more than what I’ve been given to feel confident in sharing…but really, I like where this is going and I’m so excited to see how you’re going to develop it from here! (Also, cliff hangers are the way to go, despite my displeasure with not knowing what happens next…)

I did find a few things, some nitpicky, some just writer’s preference or wording things. They are listed below, in order they appear I believe…

"...twirling a blade of grass absentmindedly between his fingers as he gaze rested thoughtfully on the small Slytherin cottage." –he should be his

"Now, he's after me, all because I'm not going to be cowed enough to run off and hide in a hole..." –This one I’m being nitpicky with commas. Sometimes I feel they’re overused, as here, you really don’t need the one after now, I don’t think. May be a preference thing

“Stepping inside Ingvar began navigating the clutter with a familiar ease, but midway across, he hesitated.”-Nitpicky comma thing again—would lose the comma before but. It may just be a style thing, so definitely not something you had to change, but I think it think it makes the sentence flow better

“It hid things for him, and even allowing his emotions to show, no one else could see.” –Wording thing, that could just be me—here I would get rid of the ‘and’ and replace the comma after show with the word as so the sentence reads “It hid things for him, even allowing his emotions to show as no one else could see.”

This last one, I’m thinking there is a word missing, or something? Not quite sure what you’re trying to say: “We need this cleaned before it's then, and I don't know a spell for that.”

Okay. That’s all. Sorry for being nitpicky and all over the place with little edits. Because really, this chapter was quite fantastic and I enjoyed the read! I enjoyed it so much so that I was unable to narrow down which one quote or part was my favourite, so I’m sharking the three that drew my attention:

"Half the time you deserved it, you do realize." // "And the other half I think you just liked smacking me around." // "Point taken, lad. I do admit that it was certainly fun at times."

"...how we all lose things we care about, but when you quit you only lose more..."

“Even after their discussion there was still so much left unspoken.”

Great job! I’ve enjoyed the story so far and can’t wait to see where you take this!

-Mikaela

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Review #16, by marauderfan Chapter one: The Beginning

18th June 2015:
Founders Review Swap! :p

I love Founders stories and it's always so great to find more of them in the archives as it's an era that needs more appreciation for sure! I really enjoyed what I have read of yours so far - this is a great first chapter!

What's most interesting and stands out the most to me is the way in which it's told, with the speaking directly to the reader from the narrator (i.e. "Reader, I cannot promise a happy tale") - it makes it feel like one of those old kind of dark fairy tales which is really appropriate to the time period. I also like that it starts out by saying that it will not be happy. That's honestly part of the appeal of Founder's stories for me - they always end sadly and make me feel all the feels.

Your setting descriptions are wonderful and really help set the medieval scene. and I love the introductions of Salazar and Godric! I'm not sure yet how these two scenes relate but I would imagine that some sort of connection is coming soon. The idea of a young Salazar Slytherin hiding up in a tree to read and hide from his mother is oddly amusing to me, and yet still fits what we know of his character very well. And Godric - haha, I loved that scene with Ingvar Slytherin and how Godric just pushes his buttons as if he hasn't been away for ten years. It's such a neat idea that he had a mentor - and provides a reasonable explanation for how Godric and Salazar might have become friends.

This is a great start and I love the tone you have set. That's such an important feature in Founders stories especially, because you want it to feel old-timey, and it does. Well done!

FYI, I noticed a typo in the beginning of the Godric section - "relitivly" should be spelt "relatively" ;)

Overall though this was a wonderful read! Thanks for the swap!

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Review #17, by Tonks1247 Chapter one: The Beginning

4th June 2015:
Hello! I’m here from the BvB review battle!

This was my first time reading a Founders Era story. I don’t know why I spend most of my time avoiding them, as I really don’t know much about the era and there is actually a lot that could be accomplished with it being so open. That said, I think you have a very excellent start at a fascinating story.

Salazar interests me. I have never thought of his character, much before the turning against the others, and so seeing his character being so serious and no-nonsense was interesting. I am sort of excited to see how his character develops and how he interacts with the others.

Godric was also a fascinating character. He seemed much like I imagined him, but for the fact that he was searching out Ingvar Slytherin, who I’m making the wild assumption is Salazar’s father, is an interesting idea. I really want to know why Godric is searching him out and what sort of Dark Times are upon them. You really set up this chapter with just enough information to get me interested and ensure I come back for more!

I did notice a couple things, which is me being super nitpicky, because honestly, this chapter was really well written and really intriguing. So, here are a few of those things:

“Straightening and brushing off his, he took his book as it was held out to him and inspected the pages for damage before snapping it shut.” –I think you are missing a word: brushing off his what?

“He imagined that he likely seemed to all the world as lost as he truly was, blundering around aimlessly as he was doing.” –This sentence is a bit awkward to read. Maybe if you get rid of the word likely? Maybe it’s just me though.

“He'd pay that sum all over again, he thought. if someone could just give him some blasted directions.” You want a common between thought and if, I think

“Even with the guise of a common traveler, Godric had already received more than his fair share of suspicious glances tossed his way, though it could be his sword that caught their attention, relitivly plan in design as it was.” Traveller is spelled incorrectly, relitivily is spelled relatively and I think you mean plain in design, not plan

“The moment his right foot crossed the threshold he found himself assaulted by the scent of musty paper and dust, and a strange sense of comfort washed over him as they smell brought back memories of long nights and ancient texts.” –Towards the end of this sentence, it should be ‘the smell brought back’ rather than they

“Ingvar leaned nonchalantly back on the counter, but his eyes stayed steadily locked onto the Marcus', whose were flashing angrily back.” –the ‘the before Marcus’ is unnecessary

Those are super nitpicky things, and besides those small things, this really was an intriguing start to a story. Cannot wait to come back and read some more!

ALSO! Before I go, I want to share two lines that I absolutely adored and may have giggled at all the same….

“Be warned, dear readers, for I cannot promise a happy tale, only a true one.”

“'Blast Corial and his vague instructions, clear as water he said, can't go wrong he said. Master mapmaker my backside. As soon as I get back, his head's being hexed on backwards.'”

Genius idea! Can’t wait to come back and read more! Keep up the good work!

--Mikaela

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Review #18, by CaramelDiamant Chapter one: The Beginning

31st May 2015:
Hello there :)

You've guided me here and it's so absolutely worth it! I can only agree with the positive reviewers before me!

Your writing style is amazing. It really feels like you've put a lot of thought (and editing) into it, without seeming too pressured or forced. There are these little changes in narration: "His book, however, wasn't as lucky..." that give a feeling of complexity, which often lacks in stories. Also, I think you've matched the language well to the time.

I can already picture Godric being the shining knight in armour and everything, although you might change directions but anyway, I keep imagining how at one time he'll say something in a "booming voice". Loving it :)

I really do hope you'll keep going with this story! *no pressure here*

Thank you very much for sharing!

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Review #19, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Chapter Two: Every Beginning is an End

27th May 2015:
Hi! Deeds here with your requested review. Sorry it has taken me ages again but real life, you know? Anywho, let’s get reviewing!

between his fingers as he gaze rested thoughtfully on the small Slytherin cottage.

Small typo, should be: his gaze

I imagine looking down to find a dagger in your back wouldn't be all that pleasant.

Funny but true, foreshadowing perhaps?

All he saw now was a man that was too tired, too worn down. When he was younger, that same man had always seemed so invincible. Yet he was only human, just like everyone else.

I really enjoyed the characterization in this chapter. The last chapter I felt some of the characters were sounding a little bit of the same. Granted, I haven’t gotten to the rest of the story yet but I think you did a wonderful job showing the difference between Godric and Ingvar. They respect each other but they’re on different paths and their age was prominent in their conversation. Not just about what they were talking about but how they talked as well. If that makes any sense. They were different and different is good because each character has their own personality.

Wow. Okay. First, I have to say the snake scene was handled brilliantly. I thought it was a great way to introduce the fact that he can talk to snakes and how calm his mother seemed about it. Obviously it’s a known thing so not to see a big reaction and instead see her sit there calmly while she could have been in danger was a great touch. Then again she was in danger and I honestly didn’t realize that until the end. The chapter moved quickly especially Salazar’s part but I think if you would’ve given us more it would have come off dry. You gave just enough info to trick us if we weren’t reading closely.

I’m wondering if it was Marcus in the end of the chapter. I feel like you hinted in the beginning and the first chapter but one never knows, you know? He could have a coalition of people behind him. Maybe this makes the Slytherin’s hate muggles and muggleborns later on in life. How very intriguing! You know what’s the best part about this story: it’s different.

Too many people (I know myself included) are afraid to tackle Founder’s era. I think you’re doing a great job fleshing out the characters and creating a storyline within the world of Harry Potter we know but branching out. Really magnificent. Keep it up and update soon!

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm really trying to hurry up...really. It's actually NOT me deciding to procrastinate this time. Shocking, isn't it??? XD

Thanks for pointing out that mistake, and thank you so much for the amazing review! And I'm still not entirely sure how you see them as that much alike. Both have a sarcastic style of humor, but I think Ingav's would come off as a little more dry and slightly mocking, while Godric's would be playful and teasing. Ingvar would be more straightforward, get to it, while Godric would want to complicate things and make it flashy. They're just enough alike and just enough about these two are different that they fit and work well together. But maybe it's just because I'm writing them and know the little cues to look for.

And thanks, I was worried that the scene with Sal and Amara would be too fast. Happy I got that righAs for all the questions about foreshadowing...you'll just have to see, won't you? ;)


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Review #20, by mymischiefmanaged Chapter Two: Every Beginning is an End

22nd May 2015:
Hello! Here for part two of our swap. So sorry for the delay.

Okay, I was an idiot last year and somehow didn't figure out that Ingvar was Salazar's father. Sorry was very tired when reading and that's why I was confused. Now it makes more sense.

This chapter was wonderful. You've really picked the pace up and it works very well.

I like how Ingvar and Godric spoke as equals. They show each other respect and I totally understand Ingvar's motives in not wanting to fight. He's at a very different point in his life to Godric and his family is his priority at the moment.

The whole scene with the snake was handled brilliantly. There's a lot of tension and you keep the characters believable while getting across the ominous atmosphere. I really liked that you didn't make it too obvious how much danger they were in. It's frustrating when characters should have recognised they were in trouble and ignore the warning signs, but this was just the right level of concern to make their reactions accurate.

The cliffhanger at the end! I want to know what happens! You convey Salazar's panic very well and make him very sympathetic as a character.

What I think is most impressive about this story is how much you've built up your own world within Rowling's. You've obviously put a lot of thought into what the wizarding world of the time was like, and it makes the story very original.

I'm looking forward to seeing what happens next. I'm definitely intrigued to see how Godric will respond to the attack, and I'm looking forward to meeting Helga and Rowena.

Wonderful chapter! Thanks for the swap!

Emma xx

Author's Response: Thanks, and I'm hoping to get chapter three out soon. Thanks again. The others will show up soon. :)

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Review #21, by TreacleTart Chapter Two: Every Beginning is an End

21st May 2015:
Hey there!

I'm here for our review swap. I'm sorry I'm a bit late, but better late than never I suppose.

I really liked this chapter. The idea that muffles are hunting witches and wizards seems to be realistic and is something we've even witnessed in real life history. It also makes sense that Godric would come back for Ingvar since he seems like a particularly powerful wizard.

Ingvar's reluctance to fight seems well warranted. With a new baby on the way, a wife, and a son, I could understand why he wouldn't want to risk putting them in danger, although judging by the ending it seems that danger is going to find him regardless.

I knew the rustling in the forest was going to be something ominous. I was worried that some sort of retribution was coming and I was sad to see that I was right. I'm not sure what's going to happen to Salazar's family yet, but I have a feeling it's going to be very ugly. It makes me wonder if this incident here is what causes Salazar to hate muggle sand muggleborn so much later in life.

All in all, I think this is a very strong start to your story. The characterization is solid. The plot is believable. And most importantly it's left me with a lot of questions about what's to come.

The only critique I have is that there's no third chapter for me to go read right away, but I'll be back when there is to see what happens. Good work!

~Kaitlin

Author's Response: Thanks! Yeah, I've gotten half of chapter three done, and I know what I want to do, the problem is putting it out. It doesn't feel right, and I have a nagging suspicion that the characters are trying to tell me something there. It's very annoying...

And yeah, it's actually not the time of the famous witch hunts, but I find it very hard to believe that it wouldn't happen before then. People still think the Harry Potter books promote witchcraft today, there's no way they'd handle actual magic even half as well as some still handle the books during such a superstitious time period. It just wouldn't happen. Heck, it might still happen today, we all know some real life Dursleys in our lives. It's just impossible not to expect that.

And maybe, definitely seems the start, I'd say...but it might not be the only thing. A big one, yes. The only? Well...we'll see.

I'm really happy to see that you enjoyed this, and I'm going to try and bribe my muse into cooperation. :)


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Review #22, by Princesss Chapter Two: Every Beginning is an End

21st May 2015:
I enjoyed the flow of this chapter and how the events panned out well. Some areas could do with a little work perhaps (a small expansion) but it isn't a necessity just a luxury perhaps. Overall I really enjoyed this chapter and loved that it ended in a way I would not have expected.

Author's Response: Hey, thanks for the swap! Would you mind PMing me exactly what you feel needs to be expanded on?

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Review #23, by Princesss Chapter one: The Beginning

21st May 2015:
I really enjoyed reading this chapter, it's a really amazing start! I found it extremely engaging and entertaining which is due to the fantastic dialogue between Ingvar and Godric (loved that part btw!) Cannot wait to see where you take this. Such great writing and a very good angle to take so far.

(P.S. I think you may have made a spelling mistake on the word 'doges' and I think you meant dodged but I wasn't sure if it was just a word I haven't heard of before and just wanted to let you know just in case!)

Author's Response: Oh, thanks! I'll be sure to fix that, and I'm really glad you enjoyed this first chapter.

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Review #24, by mymischiefmanaged Chapter one: The Beginning

20th May 2015:
Hiya, I'm here for the first part of our swap. I don't often read Founders stories so was happy to see this one, and from what I've seen so far it's wonderful so thanks for agreeing to the swap!

Your narration style is really unusual and I like it a lot. It seems very appropriate for a founders era story. It reminds me of fairytales and epic stories, and it sets up the tone of the story very well.

I absolutely love that you've given Gryffindor and Slytherin an age gap. It'll make for an interesting and original dynamic between them and it's not something I've seen done before. I'm very intrigued about what Salazar's father was mentoring Godric in, and I'm sure we'll find out more about how they all link together soon enough.

Your characterisation of Salazar at the beginning is brilliant but a little bit heartbreaking because we know what happens to him. He doesn't stay this way, quiet and thoughtful, and by the time he leaves Hogwarts he'll be too vocal. I'm really looking forward to seeing how you track this change in him.

Salazar's backstory seems like it'll be interesting, and I hope we find out more about his father soon. His mother seems lovely and I'm glad he's got somebody supportive in his life. It's a very big contrast to Voldemort's childhood which is interesting when we think that Voldemort aspired to be like Salazar.

I'm a big confused by who Ingvar is. Maybe I just missed something but I think that might be something to clarify?

This is a really strong first chapter and I'm definitely excited to read on. I hope we see Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw soon! I'm looking forward to seeing what you do with them. And I'm also interested to see how you develop Gryffindor's friendship with Slytherin. Their pasts are obviously connected and I'd like to see them together.

Wonderful opening!

Emma x

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it, though I'm slightly confused when you asked who's Ingvar? If you meant his background, it's going to slowly be leaked UN the next few chapter. I find it better to let out information a bit at a time instead of just dumping it all and leaving people with information overload. It's much easier to absorb, I think.

Don't worry, Helga and Rowena will be making a appearance in chapter four or five.

I'm glad you liked this chapter, and I hope you enjoy the next as well! If you have anymore questions, feel free to PM me on the forums!


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Review #25, by Unicorn_Charm Chapter one: The Beginning

18th May 2015:
Hi there! Here for our swap! :)

Hahaha your Author's Note! I know that feel, as I normally cry when I open my wallet, too. ;)

So I've never really read Founder's Era before, so I don't know any of the cliches or anything like that. It's all entirely new to me, to be honest. That said, I find myself enjoying this. Your writing is very, very descriptive and paints such clear and vivid mental pictures. It makes for a very nice read.

I loved seeing Slytherin as a child. Albeit a child far beyond his years, but a child none the less. Reading him with his mother as she playfully ruffled his hair and silently compared him with his father humanized him quite a bit. Made him seem less mythical. There were characteristics that were very reminiscent of young Tom Riddle which was a little unsettling. I don't know if that was intentional, or just because I know that they were very distant relations. But he already seems just a bit, I don't know exactly. Creepy maybe?

Oh I like Godric! He seems like a bit of a joker. Maybe a little Fred and George-ish? The banter between him and Ingvar was cute. Even though it's been 10 years, they still spoke like they've just seen one another the day before. It's very interesting that you have Godric being an old student or apprentice of Salazar's father's. That's a really creative way of having Godric and Salazar become friends, which we know they will be.

So I'm wondering what that Marcus was threatening him about and if they've been seen doing magic? I'm sure that would not go over well, considering the time period. I don't have a good feeling about that meeting at all.

I liked this chapter! Like I said earlier, you really do paint a vivid picture with your words. You could just see everything. Great job on this! Thanks for the swap!! ♥

xoxo Meg

Author's Response: Well, I'll go ahead and say some of those questions could possibly be answered in chapter two. I'm honored to be one of the first to give you a glimpse of the Founders. The era is just so fascinating, and if the story is done well they make for a great read!

Humanizing them is one of my main goals. We know about house stereotypes, and they often get transferred over. History has a way of distorting people and events surrounding them, and that's one of the things that fascinates me, the thought of unraveling these characters and uncovering the personality and people beneath.

I'm so glad you enjoyed, hope to see you around again!


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