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Reading Reviews for Just Breathe
  
26 Reviews Found

Review #1, by princesslily_36 Dominique's Third Diary Entry

28th April 2017:
Hey! Breaking Kenny out for CTF!

Next Gen Next Gen! *does a little dance*

Already loving the idea of Dominique keeping a diary. Quintessential sibling rivalry in chapter 1. Don't you just hate it when people say "especially -". I think that's super mean because everyone is beautiful in their own way. But Dominque's feelings about her sister are so well written, so realistic!! Her own doubts about her self worth seem to be charactersitic of her, poor thing, worrying so much about if she'll be good at work, worrying about everything!

But Victoire the rebel - so totally unique! This is the first I've read of her portayed this way. Her characterization is just AMAZING. And Dominique, the quiet one who feels she's constantly in the shadow. Sheer brilliance!

I also love the creative way you described her anxiety attacks. It's a sensitive topic but you've done a great job working that detail in. We can just feel Dominique in the words you write.

I want to mention the writing style - the words just seem to flow into each other, and everything seems to realiztic and wonderful!

Mme Cloche seems to be an interesting person!

Thanks for the amazing read!

Cheers,
Ysh

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Review #2, by Jayna Dominique's Second Diary Entry

16th March 2016:
Hey again, I'm back for prize review 2 of 5.

Okay, so you do a great job of letting Dominique's voice shine through the writing. The flightiness of the righting gives an impression that Dominique's got a short attention span and that she can't sit still for very long.

Anyway, one thing that I noticed was that there was a lot of filler content in this chapter and the last, but no real plot or anything going on. I guess it probably starts up in a later chapter, but I think that by the end of the second chapter perhaps you could've set a little something up.

I also liked the part about her writing an Arithmancy thesis. I'd never really thought of what wizards do for higher education, but I've never really heard about that kind of thing at Hogwarts, so I wonder if Hogwarts students have to go to another school if they want any more than a 7th year's education.

-Jayna

Author's Response: Woo, another Jayna review! : D

Hm, yes, I see what you mean, both with Dominique's voice shining through and the chapter being sorta filler heavy. The thing is, these two things are somewhat part and parcel, I guess... This whole story is basically a character study of Dominique at a certain point in her life, and I wanted to really establish her character before things really start happening to her (not that this ever becomes an action heavy story, ahaha).

Also, both the cemetery and the work with Mme Cloche will become important later on in the story (together with Dominique's anxiety disorder) so all the parts that build up the story are sort of set up in this and the first chapter. The plot basically is Dominique trying to handle her first job, so mentioning the job is setting the plot up, it's just not a super involved plot. Which isn't everybody's cup of tea, of course.

And haha, yeah, I've actually thought a lot about higher education in the wizarding world, as I one day hope to work at a university. We haven't seen what seventh year studies at Hogwarts looks like, but Rowling has said that there are no wizarding universities, so I guess you either write something thesis-like in your seventh year, go on to study some extra years at another school, or sort of keep up your studies outside a school setting, maybe finding a mentor or something. Or maybe you could do research at the Department of Mysteries or a similar place as a way of studying after Hogwarts... Woops, now you see where Dominique got her tendency to ramble from, ahaha.

Thanks for this review, I'm looking forward to the rest (but take your time)! : )


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Review #3, by Jayna Dominique's First Diary Entry

15th March 2016:
Hey there Kapa! It seems that I totally forgot about the prize reviews from that challenge I hosted way back when. Anyway, I figured that I'd just go ahead and finish up those prize reviews right now, and since this is what you requested them to be on back then, this is what I'm here on. :)

First of all, I'm really glad you decided to incorporate some French into the story, and especially that you chose to use some expressions that perhaps weren't as well known by non-French speakers. I think that it's definitely a huge part of who Fleur is, and I liked seeing that passed down to her children so that it's part of their identity too.

In addition, super creative topic just in the first few sentences! I'd never really thought about where Fleur's kids would go, and I guess I just assumed that they would go to Hogwarts. I can't imagine going to a different school than your sister and being different than all of your family members (or at least the ones in your generation).

You give Dominique a very real persona, a concrete motivation and characterization that I think everyone can see a little of themselves in. It makes sense, and I love the line about how she's a second best copy of a ruined original.

So yeah, great job on Dominique, but parts of her anxiety disorder feel just a little forced. However, I'm by no means an expert.

Anyway, so sorry for the lateness of these prize reviews, I believe this is one of five. I hope to finish them by the end of the month, as I have a bunch of other things to do, both in RL and on here.

-Jayna

Author's Response: Hello again, Jayna!

Don't worry about forgetting these reviews, it's not like I'm hot on the ball with these responses anyway, haha.

Yes, the French really became a distinct element of the story, which is interesting, because it began with me needing some sort of expletive and got the idea to use French, and then the idea for Dominique to have gone to Beauxbatons sort of grew out of that. And as I mentioned in another review response, I'm multilingual myself, which helps with getting a feel for when a character would switch between languages. And using 'unusual' phrases kind of grew out of that, if that makes sense.

Haha, yes, I definitely think many people can see themselves in this Dominique, which is something that just sort of happened but is probably the reason why this is one of my most popular stories... And yeah, that line about being a copy is pretty much the line I'm the most happy with in this story, so I'm glad you liked it too. : )

I don't know exactly what you allude to when saying that her anxiety disorder feels a little forced, but it is of course something I struggled with when writing this. I don't have anxiety myself, and as such I don't have any 'inside information' to work with, so to speak. I only had descriptions of what an anxiety attack feels like to go by, which might be why it might sound a little 'rote'. It's definitely important to keep these things in mind when one writes about a group of people one does not belong to...

On the other hand, different people perceive different things as forced when it comes to these kinds of diagnoses. I am myself Autistic, and I sometimes feel like I'm 'too stereotypically Autistic', and if I was a character in a story even I myself might feel like my autism seemed 'forced' sometimes. So it's a thin line to walk – not too stereotypical, but not too 'normal' either, so it dismisses the actual difficulties of the disorder. Tricky, tricky.

Thanks for this review, and as I said, don't worry about getting these reviews done in a certain amount of time or anything - I'm happy to get them whenever you have the time to write them. : )

/Kapa


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Review #4, by Gossip Girl Dominique's Fifth (And Last) Diary Entry

4th September 2015:
Everyone knows the early bird catches the worm, but this writer has managed to find something even better: a diary from none other than Miss Dominique Weasley.

A newer source of mine (but one who has expressed a great deal of interest in my writing before) provided me with this diary early this morning and boy, is it a good one. If anyone wanted to know what it's like living with anxiety, this is the tip for you. Dominique wrote down in fantastic detail what goes through her mind every day. It's easy to get inside her mind and feel what she feels. It's most probably a testament to the skills of whoever wrote this diary (I have my suspicions about my source...) that everyone Dominique talks about comes to life. Not often we get such a refreshing view of the Delacour-Weasley dynamic.

Aw, Hector and Dominique. Do I sense something brewing there or is it just my imagination? I'll leave that up to you, dear readers.

I know I tend to be somewhat...critical of those I write about, but here is not one of those times. I would like to extend my most heartfelt congratulations to Dominique for taking the steps to get the help she wants.

Until next time, you know you love me,

XOXO Gossip Girl

Author's Response: - Bon sang,* Kapa! I'm tout a fait desappointe* in you!

- Er, sorry, but... what have I done wrong?

- I can't believe you'd let someone comme ca* read my diaries!

- Someone what? Dominique, we agreed that I could show your diary to people I thought could benefit from reading them...

- Oui!* But that does not include some 'fille de potins'*!

- That does not include what? Dominique, you forget that I don't speak French.

- Oh. Pardon.* I mean sorry. Well, go look at that Inter-nut that you put my diary on!

- Okay, just a minute... oh. Yes, that's, er... unfortunate.

- Unfortunate!? Then why did you show it to this 'Gossip Girl, ' Kapa?

- I didn't! That must have been someone else... but look, she only has good things to say about you! She says you write well, and she congratulates you on taking the steps towards feeling better!

- Well... merci beaucoup* for that, I guess. And, ah! She even says that reading my diary can help people understand what it's like living with Anxiety, which was what I wanted, I suppose...

- See, it's not that bad! And look, she has some speculations about you and Hector...

- Bah! She can speculate on; I won't say! If she thinks she's such a gossip expert she can try to figure it out on her own.

- Very true. So, can we agree that this was a good thing, after all?

- A neutral thing, perhaps. I won't admit to anything beyond that.

- Just like you won't admit to seeing Hector?

- Pah! Tais-toi!*

* Mild French swear
* utterly disappointed
* like that
* Yes!
* gossip girl
* Sorry
* thank you very much
* Be quiet!


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Review #5, by Lostmyheart Dominique's First Diary Entry

29th August 2015:
Hi!

Wow, this chapter was very sweet. It sort of set the theme for this story, Dominique's fight to come out of the shadows and perhaps overcome her 'Lethifold attacks'.
I like that you write them in Diary style, it's refreshing to read something different like that. And you write so well! I love Dominique's character, she seems like such a sweet girl, insecure but pretty clear in her head about what's going on with herself.

I really enjoyed reacing this chapter!

- Avi

Author's Response: Hi there yourself, Avi, and thanks for the kind review! : )

I'm so happy you liked this chapter! And that you think it's sweet - most people focus on how sorry they are for Dominique, so it's refreshing to see someone focus on the good things about her, like how sweet she is and how she knows herself pretty well. That really is something I hadn't thought much about before, but you're right; she's really self-aware which is good when you have something difficult to deal with in your life.

I actually tried to write this story in third person at first, but then I tried first person and it worked so well that the Diary thing came kinda naturally from that. For me writing things down is such a good way to process things, so when I wrote a story about someone who has a lot to process it felt natural to write in that style, hehe. And thanks for saying I write well - I really tried my very hardest with this story. : )

I hope you'll be back some time, perhaps when I dare to do my first review swap...

/Kapa


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Review #6, by jessicalorewrites Dominique's Fifth (And Last) Diary Entry

17th June 2015:
hey! jess here, reading and reviewing so that I can (finally lol) get the results out for the diversity challenge. the results should be out within the next couple of days so keep your eyes peeled over on the forums!

plot/written value:
oh what a lovely, light, sweet ending! I'm so glad things didn't go wrong at the last minute. so glad ♥ I'm also over the moon that mme cloch didn't fire dom because I don't think THAT would have gone down well haha but at least she's having some time off to think about herself, which I'm sure she really needs. ahh therapy, I'm happy to see dom getting the help she needs :D I do wonder how things with muggle psychologists would occur with her being a witch haha she'd have to do a LOT of ommiting in certain cases but oh well, she'll need it. and I also like that you haven't rushed things with hector but he's still played a key part in dom's 'recovery' so to speak. nice touch!

characters:
I'm super glad louis got a look in at the end, with going to the therapist with dom and victoire. it's lovely to see them all coming together like that and that he is a very supportive younger brother ♥ ♥ like I keep saying I think I've gushed about dom enough but I just want to congratulate you on flawlessly keeping her in character throughout the whole piece. anxious people can be known to 'go off on one' occasionally and I personally think that can be quite hard to write, since they're not ALWAYS anxious. it's almost like writing two halves to one character. very weird and very odd and quite challenging, so congrats!

diversity:
I mean, I've said it all already haven't I? I think your portrayal of anxiety was flawless throughout this entire short story. you managed to perfectly encapsulate how difficult life can be when living with anxiety but balanced this with a humourous tone and light-hearted plot. you just did excellently okay dkjfnadhdadfdjs I love this fic.

favourite line/bit:
I want to go with one of the last few lines "this will work out fine" because I believe in you dommie go out and seize the world ♥

- jess, xo

Author's Response: Phew, last review! But don't worry, reading those has been a blast, and I've loved having them around in my unanswered-folder... But I know I can always go back to read them anyway so yay!

I'm so happy that you liked this story so much! This is pretty much exactly what I was going for: "you managed to perfectly encapsulate how difficult life can be when living with anxiety but balanced this with a humourous tone and light-hearted plot." So yay again!

As for the muggle therapist thing... yeah, there'll probably be a lot of omitting, at least in the beginning. I think there might come a point where Dom and the therapist is at a point in their therapeutic relationship where Dom might ask for the Ministry's permission to tell her therapist more. I mean, the therapist is under oath to not tell anyone anyway, haha. If Dom just pushes the right 'the state of mental health treatment in the magical community is a disaster'-buttons I think the Ministry will pretty much /have/ to let her or lose face. (And here's a teaser for the possible Victoire story: Dom and Vic doing something like this is an important plot point in that story! Oh, and Louis will probably play a more prominent role in that story too!)

I've said it before, but this is my last time to say it so I'll say it again: I'm really, really honoured that you, who have an Anxiety disorder yourself, say things like "I think your portrayal of anxiety was flawless throughout this entire short story." Thank you so incredibly much. And at last I also want to thank you so, so much for the special mention in the challenge result! I was deeply honoured to make that list! There were so many completely awesome entrants in this challenge. : D

I loved being part of this challenge, and I loved all your reviews! Thank you so much for everything! : D And Dom says to thank you for her too. She'll go out and seize the world for sure!

/Kapa


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Review #7, by jessicalorewrites Dominique's Fourth Diary Entry

17th June 2015:
hey! jess here, reading and reviewing so that I can (finally lol) get the results out for the diversity challenge. the results should be out within the next couple of days so keep your eyes peeled over on the forums!

plot/written value:
ooh a time jump, I didn't see that one coming! It's nice to see that at least dom was finding work okay for the most part until this certain occurance. bless her soul, I doubt mme cloch will be angry with her but it's clear why dom is so upset and thinks the worst is going to happen. I imagine it was a lot to handle, and plus she'd only been there a few months! the second part of the chapter was so cute I loved it ♥ it's nice to see dom perky and happier and hopefully now she knows that she does have capital-a anxiety (omg I've literally used that phrase before I think it's pretty neat) she can get the help she needs from a professional or at least work out how to cope with it herself. at any rate, I'm sure understanding what she's experiencing will be a big help :)

characters:
I'll talk about hector here instead of dom for once lol. he seems so lovely and exactly the kind of soothing voice of reason dom needs in her life, so I hope she goes through with the calling him thing and that they can meet up again some time. a musician too, how interesting! he's like a breathe of fresh air. melodic, sweet, understanding. perfect for dom ♥

diversity:
I see from your a/n the hesitancy to use the phrase 'broken' but honestly yes it works so well. like I've said in the other reviews I suffer from anxiety and although I don't consider myself 'broken' I understand the place dom is coming from when she thinks this. abnormal, weird, useless are all thoughts I've assigned to myself at one point or another and you have really stuck true to anxiety disorders in general with this so well done :)

favourite line/bit:
"now that I think about it I think I left that one hat as a birthday cake still" oh dom hahaha

- jess, xo

Author's Response: Aw, jess! I really love your reviews, because they are full of little gems of your personality shining through - sort of like what I was going for in the story, haha. Things like "(omg I've literally used that phrase before I think it's pretty neat)" - paranthesis, yay! - and "oh dom hahaha" really make your reviews stand out in a good way! And I don't think I've really managed to get this appreciation through in my earlier responses so I'm taking the opportunity to do so now. I love your reviewing style, it's so personal and cheery, yay! : )

I'm happy that you appreciate - in the British sense - my hesitancy over having Dom apply the word "broken" to herself. I've seen friends and acquaintances be so incredibly hard on themselves when struggling with Anxiety or other mental stuff and I wanted to stay true to that but at the same time this is not something I myself struggle with and I don't want to send the wrong message, you know... This story is about exploring Dom at 'the darkest time before dawn' so to speak and with hopefulness as the main takeaway so it was a thin line to walk. I'm happy you think I stuck through to the reality of having an Anxiety disorder. Thanks. : )

Also I see what you did there with calling Hector a breath of fresh air, haha! Kudos!

Speaking of him I have all this 'headcanon' or extra information or whatever about him that I didn't want to clog up the story with - the focus should be Dom, after all - but I'm happy that I managed to get the core of his personality across enough for you to give him your blessing, haha. : P

/Kapa


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Review #8, by jessicalorewrites Dominique's Third Diary Entry

17th June 2015:
hey! jess here, reading and reviewing so that I can (finally lol) get the results out for the diversity challenge. the results should be out within the next couple of days so keep your eyes peeled over on the forums!

plot/written value:
ohho and the plot thickens! poor dominique, she has such wonderful news and yet it is overrun with her feelings of anxiety. this is so sad :( I can't wait to see what happens when she finally starts working though! I'm sure (in fact, I know) it won't be as bad as she has psyched it up to be. in terms of the writing, I'm still loving how colloquial and personal the style is, especially the continued use of parenthesis to add little thoughts of dom's in here and there. I mean, obviously the whole thing is her thoughts, but they're like little truthful sidenotes and I love their use :D I'm a sucker for parenthesis (which is very weird, I know). I also like how you are incorporating the story title in with the repetition of "breathe" and "just breathe" it ties in really well and I see now why you've decided to pair the plot with the title :D

characters:
again, dom's character and voice shines through &heart; there's not much more to say here that I haven't already said unless you want me to gush for a couple of hundred words haha. you've put a lot of thought into your interpretation of dom, I can tell, and it's really paid off. she's realistic and dynamic in her own personal introverted way; awkward, yet realisticly so and not in a clich way. she's well rounded with all her 'faults' but pairs them up with a genuinely kind nature and shy soul. I love her!

diversity:
ahh how I relate to this panic and this chapter in terms of anxiety!! it feels like you've plucked an extract straight from my own journal :p (not that I have one) really excellent job with depiction of anxiety. like INCREDIBLE. I'm not sure if you have personal experience with it yourself but if not then this is some GREAT research skills it's pretty spot on.

favourite line/bit:
"shes half french just like me and she made a joke about us both having the french touch and it sounded dirty and I sniggered and she wrinkled her nose and I wanted to die." hah!

- jess, xo

Author's Response: I'm (still) happy that you like the colloquial style, because I really felt that that was the best way to tell this kind of story where the main character's struggle with her disorder is the focus. This way I both get to tell it 'from the inside' so to speak AND I get to tell it on Dom's own terms... Oh, and I am (obviously, haha) also a huge fan of parentheses! I use them all the time in my own diary, usually to add, as you say, a "little truthful sidenote" so I lent that little quirk to Dom. And yeah, it was the title "Just Breathe" on the banner that pretty much gave birth to the idea of Dom having an anxiety disorder so yay for the repetition working!

You'd be very welcome to gush for how many hundreds of words you want, haha. But I understand and respect your gushing limits, haha. And yeah, I /did/ put a lot of thought into Dom - at first. But after a while she just started coming pretty naturally to me. Which probably helped a lot with making her more well rounded and dynamic... And I'm so happy you love her, I'll make sure to relay the praise to her, she really needs to hear things like that. : P

I do not in fact have personal experience with an anxiety disorder, but I have a diagnosis that is often co-morbid with and overlaps somewhat with anxiety so I borrowed a bit from myself. But yeah, I mostly did a lot of research and used my experience with interacting and being friends with people with anxiety disorders. And as always it's great to hear that it paid off from someone with actual experience of anxiety themselves! Thanks!

/Kapa


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Review #9, by jessicalorewrites Dominique's Second Diary Entry

17th June 2015:
hey! jess here, reading and reviewing so that I can (finally lol) get the results out for the diversity challenge. the results should be out within the next couple of days so keep your eyes peeled over on the forums!

plot/written value:
this chapter makes me wonder why dom feels such a strong connection to fred of all her uncles. I mean, obviously she visits his grave a lot but I would love to know if there's more backstory as to why she does this! idk, I'm just curious haha. exciting news with the possibility of being a hat apprentice! I really love that you're stepping out of norms with this story--I mean, hat apprentice?!? who else would have thought of that but you???! I love it. I think dom would make a lovely hat apprentice hahah.

characters:
well, I've never met anyone who loves hat quite as much as dom seems to ;) I often fear in multi-chapters that people will mix up the character and not remain consistent but you totally do here and it reads like the same dom. it's exciting to find out all these interesting tid bits of info about her, such as how she did an arithmancy thesis at beauxbatons and how she knows how to make beef wellington and all that. I also really enjoy the relationship she shares with molly, it's really lovely ♥

diversity:
good continuation of the issues touched upon with anxiety last chapter. not a central focus here but that's understandable, you still showed it in parts like how she likes to knit alone for fear of judgement etc :)

favourite line/bit:
"stupid victoire thinking I should write a stupid journal I should have asked aunt ginny instead! she has some right ideas about diaries!" I love references to ginny and the diary omg

- jess, xo

Author's Response: I... er, I honestly don't think there's anything more to Dom naming Fred as her favourite uncle than the fact that she loved (and loves!) visiting his grave. When she did she probably was told stories about him, too, mainly by George, so it's not like she knows nothing about him and only likes him because of the cemetery, but, yeah... She probably also enjoyed the more 'subdued' versions of her family members that came out at the grave sight too. And Fred would never let her down or scare her, he's just a constant, reassuring presence in her life, and she's probably talked to him at his grave so she feels close to him through that too... Hm.

But anyway! Hat apprentice, yeah! I actually got that - just like much of this story - from the banner. The girl on the banner is wearing a hat, so Dominique likes hats, so when she needed to find someplace to work, why not hats? It's working with her hands and wand a lot, which is just what she needs after years of more theoretical school work, I think.

And yeah, I really got into the flow of writing Dom... like, to me, her character pretty much /is/ the way she thinks and phrases herself. The diary format meant I had to come at the character 'from the inside' so to speak, which I think helped with having her stay consistent. But I have, like, no idea how she appears from the outside so I'll have to sit down and think long and hard about that if I ever write that story for this Victoire that I have in my head, where Dom still plays a big part, haha...

I also love references to Ginny and the diary! Like, I feel that that's a part of Ginny's character that's often glossed over and I wanted to mention it but still in a pretty humorous way because that felt like a happy medium for this story between either glossing over it completely or dealing with it in depth.

/Kapa


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Review #10, by jessicalorewrites Dominique's First Diary Entry

17th June 2015:
hey! jess here, reading and reviewing so that I can (finally lol) get the results out for the diversity challenge. the results should be out within the next couple of days so keep your eyes peeled over on the forums!

plot/written value:
ah, I loved how colloquial this piece was! it just feels very personal and, obviously it's a diary piece, but I think it helps reveal so much into dom and what she has to go through, as well as her relationship with victoire. there's a lot of great insight into character in this! particularly I enjoyed the mix between french and english which wasn't overdone but was in there just enough to remind readers that yo dom is part-french and she also went to beauxbatons so I'd actually presume she's 100% fluent. I can't wait to see where this diary style takes the story and what else is in store for dom!

characters:
wow, can we talk about your victoire right now? let's just forget about dom for two secs because I AM IN LOVE WITH THIS CHARACTERISATION OF VICTOIRE OKAY wow she's the punk!next gen I need in my life oh my gosh. I love that typically in fic she takes after fleur but here she'd done a complete 180 and gone down the bill route with the shaving and piercings and tattoo and dye. it's ace. I love it. and I love the relationship she and dom have it's adorably sweet ♥ okay yes onto dom the main character of this piece oops ;) she too is quite original, hating the attention when the typical dominique trope is a trouble maker who loves the limelight. obviously this goes hand in hand with her anxiety but I think her disorder and personality bounce off each other quite well (does that make sense lol?) really good. I love it.

diversity:
the likening of anxiety to lethifold attacks is so on point I am so astonished haha. I myself suffer from acute anxiety so I know what it feels like to have a panic attack and be extremely panicked and the suffocating thing is very true to life, so you got that spot on well done. similarly the part about dom having to mentally prepare herself days in advance before seeing the family is how I feel SO OFTEN before I go out to group gatherings or something wowow I mean I would hate what dom has to go through I need the prep time too haha I'm so rarely impulsive with things like hanging out with friends.

favourite line/bit:
"I hid in some shrubbery and lay on the ground" I'm sorry. I don't know why I find this hilarious, given she's in the middle of an anxiety attack, but I do.

- jess, xo

Author's Response: On to your Just Breathe-reviews! : )

Yes, this Dom is fluent in French, and as someone who speaks two languages fluently (English and my mother tongue) I know somewhat of the struggle of finding the right word /in the right/ language. In her diary (and her letters to Victoire, perhaps) she doesn't have to do that, because the only intended reader (herself!) understands anyway. It must be a relief, haha!

I am floored by how much people seem to love my Victoire! I mean, I love her and I have an idea for a story with her as the main character, but she's just a minor character in this so it's interesting just how much people mention her, haha. I think people sometimes forget that the Delacour-Weasleys are Bill's children as well as Fleur's, though (or only give Louis some Bill-ish traits because of coure girls only take after their mother and boys after their dads amirite!?!?) so I wanted to show that Vic has some Bill in her as well. But of course they're all of them their own people, too. Like, Dom herself isn't very much like either of her parents even though I imagine she has a great relationship with both of them...

And I definitely see what you mean by Dom having "her disorder and personality bounce off each other". She's struggled with this disorder for a long time and I think she herself might have a hard time to tease them apart. I mean, at this point in the story she really believes that her disorder pretty much IS just part of her personality/her going crazy. Aw, "Poor Dominique" as MargaretLane always said. Now I've made myself sad over my own story. : /

It's also as I've mentioned always a huge honour when someone who has an anxiety disorder themselves mention how I got something right, so thanks for that! And don't worry, I found Dom lying down in the shrubbery funny when I wrote it too, haha!

/Kapa


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Review #11, by Dojh167 Dominique's Third Diary Entry

12th June 2015:
Hufflepuff House Cup 2015 Review

Yay, back for #3! Glad I have the HC event to get me back here, though I warn you it is late and I may be less coherent than normal.

I think it's very believable that you specified that she was writing this entry the night before she took the new job. It really helps to place the entry in events as well as making it part of events itself.

"very reasonable and common sensical" - Dominique continues to sound like me!

The passage after that quote felt very real to me. The way that she is over-thinking her employee's expectations is very indicative of anxiety in a subtle way that a lot of people wouldn't think to write. The part about her fear of seeming good at first only to be disappointment later is another very realistic touch.

It's so sad that on top of suffering from anxiety she's trying to hide it. That will 100% not end well.

This line was very poignant and honest: "And now Im an anxious adult, and I have nowhere to hide."

Good luck, Dominique! I'll see you soon.

Sam.

Author's Response: Sam! Wow, this House Cup event really spoiled me with amazing reviews! It is, as always, great to have you back! : )

Yeah, I think Dominique isn't really a 'natural' journal writer, so she really only writes when she has something difficult to process - such as starting her new work. Or that thing that happens in the next chapter, which is rather... bad. So thread lightly when you read it, I guess.

I'm very happy that Dominique continues to be relatable for you. That sentence you mention was actually sort of adapted from things I say, so there's probably some truth to the saying that writing what you know makes what you write more relatable. Then again, I don't have an anxiety disorder... hm. I /do/ actually catastrophise a bit as part of another diagnosis that I actually have, so the part where Dom over-thinks what it means to be an apprentice and so on is sort of based on me as well... but it's a lot milder for me, thankfully. So even though I don't have an anxiety disorder, I have a leg up on coming up with things to write about, I guess.

Dominique trying to hide her problems will indeed come back to bite her, I'm sorry to say. As I said, thread lightly when reading the next chapter. I saw you post a status update about work-related anxiety and... yeah, Dominique might likely actually be your "spirit animal" as you mentioned in another review I think.

Oh, and re the line "And now I'm an anxious adult, and I have nowhere to hide.", I actually think I sort of stole it from the girl who played Matilda in, well, Matilda - Mara Wilson. I saw a quote of hers where she said "I was an anxious kid, and I'm still kind of an anxious adult" and was like "Ooops, so /that's/ where I stole that", haha!

Again, thanks for reading, and Dominique says to thank you for the well wishes! She looks forward to seeing you again too.

/Kapa


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Review #12, by krazyboutharryginny Dominique's Second Diary Entry

12th June 2015:
Go Go Gryffindor! This review is for the Amazing Race task for 2015's house cup!

This chapter is every bit as good as the first one. I absolutely adore your detailing here! It tells us so much about not only Dominique but the whole Weasley family's dynamic.

Honestly, I don't even really know where to start! I guess first I'll mention that "a gratuitously British name" made me laugh out loud. So did Ginny having "some right ideas about diaries" (although this has a sad backstory, it's worded in such a funny way.)

I love the insight you gave us into the Wizarding world, mentioning the extra year at Beauxbatons to write an Arithmancy thesis, and the potential job as an apprentice. Also a clever idea is Molly Weasley getting her own line of clothes at Madam Malkin's because of everyone wanting Weasley jumpers after the war. You just have so many clever ideas worked in here very, very naturally. It's so impressive! I love it!

Dominique's favourite uncle being Fred is such a sweet and sad touch. I hate that she feels bad about it.

I'm loving this story so far!

-Kayla

Author's Response: More Kayla, too! Wooo!

Ah, it's so great that you write that "It tells us so much about not only Dominique but the whole Weasley family's dynamic." because I was sorta worrying that I was overfocusing on Dom and failed at showing how she fits into the Weasley clan.

I'm also really happy that I made you laugh. I see Dominique as someone with a great sense of humour who isn't really aware of it herself. Like, most of her family has this sort of brash and practical joke-based humour OR this very sarcastic humour, and her humour is more light hearted and understated at the same time. It's a bit like Ginny and Harry's humour, but a lot less bitter and harsh. And I wanted her humour to shine through and lighten up the story, sort of... Just like Ginny's opinions about diaries has a "sad backstory" but can be used for humour, Dominique is going through a hard time but still has her humour, so to speak...

I love doing a little world building at the sort of 'edges' of a story like this, and I think I already mentioned in a rview response somewhere that I see Molly as this really ambitious person and her having a career of her own would probably be great for her relationship with Arthur because it'd take away a lot of the pressure she puts on him for advancing in his work...

I too hope Dom will grow to feel better about having Fred as her favourite uncle!

I'm so happy that you like this story! It means a lot from someone who tackled similar issues yourself in you Diversity Challenge story.

/Kapa


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Review #13, by krazyboutharryginny Dominique's First Diary Entry

12th June 2015:
Hello there! I'm here on behalf of Gryffindor for the Amazing Race task of the House Cup 2015!

I absolutely love this. I've read about Victoire a lot more than I've read about Dominique, but really I'm more interested in Dominique, so I was eager to read this. I was also interested because I myself have an anxiety disorder and I really haven't seen many stories written about that.

Everything you've got going on here is SO brilliant - the relationship you have set up between Victoire and Dominique, where Dominique loves her sister but feels overshadowed by her; Dominique thinking and writing in both French and English; your imaginative description of anxiety attacks as "Lethifold attacks" - it's all brilliant!

Also, I love the sound of Victoire's new look. She sounds totally awesome. I have similar headcanons about her changing her appearance like that because she didn't like being the "doll child"/only appreciated for her appearance. That makes so much sense to me. In a way I feel like having that much emphasis put on your appearance would be so damaging to your self esteem because you would feel like there was nothing else important about you.

So yeah, everything you've got happening here is SO good and realistic! I love this!

-Kayla

Author's Response: Aaah, hi Kayla! It's great to have you here. As soon as I'm done replying to all these reviews I'm heading straight back to review some more chapters of Breathe. We writers of stories with the word 'Breathe' in the title have to stick together, you know. : P

It's interesting, because when I first saw this banner from the Banner Challenge, I thought "Victoire!", but then when I thought about it some more this Dominique just popped up almost fully formed instead. I love Victoire (as you might be able to tell from how she appears in this story I've thought a lot about her too) but apparently I find writing Dominique a lot easier for some reason? But I actually have an idea for a story about this Victoire (where Dominique will show up as a major player) and we get to see her side of the story a bit and take a deeper look at the sisters’ relationship. There I'd delve deeper into what it's like to grow up as a "doll child" as you say. I think Dom here has somewhat of an idealised view of Vic where she doesn't quite see her sister's self esteem issues from only being appreciated for her beauty. Which makes it all the more amazing that you saw it, haha!

And I want to reiterate how great it is that so many readers who themselves have anxiety show up and review. It's such an honour. Thank you!

/Kapa


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Review #14, by Dojh167 Dominique's Second Diary Entry

7th June 2015:
Back for chapter 2!

Whenever I start reading this story I instantly get sucked in and can feel the intense subtleties of of Dominique's emotions and the beauty of the world. You are such a natural at writing this kind of style.

Little Dominique saying Fred was her favorite uncle was so beautiful and heartbreaking. Excuse me while I curl up with George and sob.

I love the idea that George and Luna became close after the war. I had never considered that before, but it makes a certain amount of sense. Woops, I might have to ship that now.

I think it is so sweet that she puts a flower on Luna's mums grave, a woman who she never knew, and probably nobody ever really talks about. It says a lot about Dominique and makes me love her even more.

"Bah, Im rambling. In short: I went to the cemetery. It was nice" - Haha, so funny and self reflective.

And this "I could probably possibly be actually a bit good" legitimately sounds like me talking.

Dominique's gushing of her love of hats is very endearing and creates a lovely opposition to the expressions of anxiety that are so present.

I like the French phrases that you sprinkle in. You choose very interesting phrases to do this with, and it, and it feels very natural and also helps s get to know Dominique better. Of course, I don't speak French so I can't say how horrible it is ;)

Can't wait to come back for another chapter!

Sam.

Author's Response: Aaah, people really leave the loveliest reviews on this story. I should go post each and every one of them in the 'Reviews that made your day' thread. Guh.

I actually didn't envision George and Luna going to the graveyard /together/ when I wrote this... but now that you mention it I'm immediately 100% sure that they did! Luna is so great with people who're grieving, and I'm sure they came across each other at the cemetery and after a while they started going together... er so, do you write this into a story, or shall I? : P

I also really think it says a lot about Dominique that she puts one of the flowers on Mrs Lovegood's grave - much more than she's aware of herself! She sees herself as going to the cemetery for purely selfish reasons, and then when she's there does such a lovely and selfless thing! Roisin mentioned how Dominique is a sort of unreliable narrator, and I'm really happy that my readers aren't taking what she says about herself at face value.

Heh, that line that you found funny was pretty much plucked entirely from my own diary, except of course that the context was changed. : P You say that I seem to be a natural at writing this style, and well, that definitely comes from years and years of journaling myself (so not so naturally?).

As for the next sentence you mention... you saying that it sounds like you makes me both happy and sad - happy because it means I've managed to capture a true experience, and sad because it's always sad when people think of themselves like that. Sending good wishes your way!

I really enjoyed writing about Dom's love of hats, because she's so lucky that she's a witch and has all those ridiculous hats that wizardkind wears at her disposal. I got the idea from the banner, where she's wearing a stylish muggle hat, but I bet she'd love Mrs Longbottom's hat with the stuffed vulture as well! : P

I was really intimidated at first when I realised I was writing a half-French character who spent significant parts of her childhood and teenage years in France (or close enough - we don't know where Beauxbaton's is situated exactly), but then I decided to just run with it. Here it was a real help being multilingual myself (though none of the languages I speak is French, obviously, because it gave me a good sense for where it would be natural to code switch... I think it'll take a few years back in England before Dominique can get through a whole day without having to stop and internally translate something from French (which I suppose is another thing for her to feel self conscious about, poor lass).

Can't wait to have you back! And thanks again for the lovely review!

/Kapa


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Review #15, by Roisin Dominique's Fifth (And Last) Diary Entry

4th June 2015:
Aw, this was such a satisfying and sweet little open-ending! I'm pleased to see that Dominique is excited for the future and that things might be beginning to even out for her. There are certainly still ongoing things she's going to have to deal with, but I get the sense she'll be better equipped to do that now.

Mme Cloche responded exactly as I would have expected. I also liked the little inclusion of "everything would have been fine," and Dominique sort of scoffing at that. Her perspective is very realistic.

It'll be a journey, and she might still have bad days, but this is just lovely :)

Author's Response: Iiiih, I'm so happy that you enjoyed the ending! This is pretty much exactly what I wanted people to get out of this story, so it's great that it worked with you.

I wanted to leave Dominique on a hopeful note, on the way towards working to improve her own life, but I also wanted her to still have some bitterness and reactivity – as in the line where she imagines lashing out at Mme Cloche. It's very telling that she only imagines doing it in her diary though, isn't it? Maybe one of the things she'll work on with her therapist is being more assertive in her daily life instead of turning her aggression inwards... It's also possibly the one line where I borrowed the most from my own life, so I guess it makes a lot of sense that you describe it as "realistic" (oops).

I also really enjoy that you chose to describe the story with the word "lovely" because that was the exact word I thought when I first saw my banner for this story (and the word I choose to describe it in the summary, I think) and I wanted to capture a similar feel with my story. You using that word hopefully means I succeeded in that.

So yes, thanks so very very much, each and every one of your reviews has been an absolute treat, and the favouriting is very flattering. : )

(I'd almost consider to keep the story going just to get more of your - and MargaretLane's, and the other reviewers' - amazing reviews. But no. I will keep this "satisfying and sweet little open-ending" and take satisfaction in that you find it so, instead. : P)

/Kapa


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Review #16, by Roisin Dominique's Fourth Diary Entry

4th June 2015:
Back!

So this is a weird thing to compliment, but the MANNER in which Dominique messed up at work was really well written. Like, it was a unique idea and also, honestly, maybe actually as bad as she thinks it is. (Actually, probably not--but it was a BAD reaction).

I'm glad she has a word for what she suffers from now :) It might help a lot to de-stigmatize it for her so she can handle it/get help, and maybe help her communicate her needs and issues with others (like Mme Cloche).

And just a WACKY side note: the other day I was walking around and there was a handsome black guy singing in French! (Pretty sure he was gay though) But yeah, this was such a crazy reminder of that, and I immediately pictured that guy!

OK, off to go read the last chapter (NO! I NEVER WANT IT TO END!)

xoxo
Roisin

Author's Response: *flails happily at new Roisin reviews*

Thanks, I'm pretty proud of Dominique's messing up myself. But I felt so bad for her writing about it – she was so afraid to mess up, and then she actually did! Actually the idea of Dominique getting panicked due to having to handle a lot of customers at work at the same time was one of the first scenes I thought up for this story. I myself have some trouble handling large crowds, so I think I drew from that. And yes, I wanted to show that even though a lot of Dominique's 'messing up' is just herself being overly critical, it's also true that her condition does cause her to /actually/ mess up from time to time, especially when she tries to hide it and pretend like it isn't there. But the situation at work also becomes sort of a turning point for her, and as you say, now that she has a word for what she suffers from she can begin to work at dealing with it better.

Ahahaha, that WHACKY sidenote is amazing! I'm so curious about how the guy you saw looks now! Hector pretty much showed up fully formed in my head, and I know a lot more about him than what made it into the story... But I'm actually not sure about his sexuality. Dominique doesn't seem to think he's gay, but maybe she just has terrible gaydar or didn't think much about it. I actually have a headcanon that Veelas view gender and sexuality very differently than humans, and maybe that affects part-Veelas too?

/Kapa


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Review #17, by MargaretLane Dominique's Fifth (And Last) Diary Entry

2nd June 2015:
Wow, you got this chapter up amazingly quickly.

Poor, poor Dominique. I can understand why she'd find it difficult to talk about her problems. And the way she thinks of herself! It's understandable, but it's so sad. I really hope she begins to feel better about herself.

I really like the fact that Victoire and Louis are going to support her at her appointment. And the fact she even told them about it is a good sign in a way; at least she's not too embarrassed about it to tell anybody.

Did you mean to put two "l"s in "telephone"?

I also like the fact that she's beginning to realise that everybody needs to be taken care of sometimes and that being an adult doesn't mean she's supposed to be invincible or be able to do everything by herself.

I do think it's sad though that she sees herself as having something "overarchingly wrong" with her. I guess it's good that she can see her perceptions might not be entirely accurate, but she does make it sound like she's inherently flawed or something. Poor girl.

I'm kind of sorry there's not more to this story actually. I'd like to see what happens when she returns to work and whether the therapy helps.

Really good story about an unusual issue. And unusual issue for fanfiction, I mean. I've seen a fair amount about things like PTSD, but I don't think I've ever seen an anxiety disorder before.

Author's Response: Haha, yes, when I finally got around to finishing this story it went rather quickly. I guess I've been mulling it over in my head so much that it was just a matter of getting it onto the computer screen, so to speak...

I /did/ mean to spell 'tellephone' that way, actually... You may also notice that each time Dom uses that word she follows it up with a new incorrect preposition : P

I wanted to leave it to the reader's imagination regarding what happens when Dominique goes back to work and whether the therapy helps - but let me tell you a secret: I definitely think things will be getting better and better for her from now on. Maybe the reason she stops writing in her journal is that her therapist gives her other writing exercises to do? Like affirmations and such. You may have noticed how easily she slips into berating herself in this story, so maybe more structured writing would be good for her...

Maybe one day she won't even be 'poor Dominique' any longer! But she still has a long way to go. I wanted to portray someone who goes from thinking that she's 'crazy' and alone in being that way to learning that what she suffers from has a name, that she isn't alone and that she can get help - but I didn't want the story to reach that 'all was well' point... Because then it'd either have to be a really, really long story or I'd have to give it a sort of 'magical' happy ending where everything got better unreasonably fast. So I decided to stop at the turning point, so to speak. I hope you at least find the ending somewhat hopeful. : P

Anyway, thanks so, so, so very much for all the lovely reviews! Your first review for this story really gave me a lot of confidence that my venture into this more serious issue was actually going pretty well. And each subsequent review has really made my day each time! It has been an adventure tackling this issue, and I'm very happy that you think I did well! : )

/Kapa


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Review #18, by MargaretLane Dominique's Fourth Diary Entry

1st June 2015:
Poor, poor Dominique. She really seems to have worked herself up into a state. I wonder what's happened. I'm sure it's nothing to blame herself for the way she is anyway. It sounds like maybe she made a mistake at work or something.

She seems pretty anxious to move out now. Previously, she'd seemed happy to live with her grandparents. I wonder if something has happened or people are stressing her out or if it's just that she's feeling negative about everything at that moment.

Read somewhere that the average age for people to move out of home is between 24 and 27, so she's a good bit from being stuck there forever, but I guess it doesn't feel like that at her age.

Oh, poor, poor Dominique. That must have been SO embarrassing. I hope her employer is understanding.

I like the way she takes some comfort from the idea that she's not alone and that there is help for what she suffers from. Poor girl. She's having a tough time.

I am really looking forward to the next chapter and finding out what happens with her job and all. I hope it isn't bad. If she's been working there for months and doing well, hopefully her boss will realise there must have been extenuating circumstances.

Author's Response: Ah, yes, poor Dominique!

I think she's been pretty anxious to move out for a long time, actually. I think she loves the Burrow itself, and Molly and Arthur, and Devonshire in general... But she hates all the comings and goings of her large extended family, and I think even Molly can be a bit difficult in the long run for anxious and reclusive Dominique... But yeah, already in chapter 2 she writes "And also, I need money so I can get a place to live on my own and be a real adult instead of a grand enfant." So it's definitely not a wholly new concern...

I mean, she already moved out from Shell Cottage because living there really made her feel like she was still a child. But maybe it would actually have been better to stay with her close family. They are pretty much the only people she can fully relax with, sadly. : (

And yeah... for once Dominique actually did mess up about as badly as she thinks she did. She really did leave a mess at the shop, and as we'll see in the next chapter things might even be a bit worse than she remembered. I don't want to give too much away, but Mme Cloche will definitely be a bit angry. Especially because Dom gave no warning that something like this might happen, because she's so concerned with keeping her condition a secret.

But! There's help to get! And with a little help from a stranger Dominique has even realised that herself! Just learning that there's a word for what you experience can go a long way towards helping you feel better about yourself. If Dom just gets some help she might soon be back at work and doing better than ever! : )

/Kapa


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Review #19, by Dojh167 Dominique's First Diary Entry

31st May 2015:
I am really excited by this story. As somebody who has anxiety attacks (and also writes as a way to deal with my mental weirdness) I am really glad to see somebody writing about them in a believable and compelling way. And for some reason Dominique seems like a really fitting character to do it through. I'm already bummed that I saw you said there would only be five chapters!

Though I am a little confused, as I thought there was a site rule that only 1/3 of a chapter could be diary entries. Is it different if the entire story is in that format?

Calling them "lethifold attacks" was very charming and believable.

I think it's interesting that Victoire and Dominique went to different schools. It's definitely an interesting bit of character background that Dominique wanted to get away from Victoire.

You did an excellent job of capturing Dominique's voice throughout this entire chapter. I always felt like I was reading her words, and the way she worked them made me get a good understanding of who she was.

I'm interested to hear that Molly has a job, and whatever it is she's obviously doing really well and getting promoted. Yay for women getting to keep being people after they have children!

I really like Victoire in this, looking for her sister in the greenery. She's a really lovely person. Victoire is lucky to have her. I love her makeover! So original! And very believable that dating Teddy would have that influence on her.

"And Im left, trying to embody everything the world wanted Victoire to be; a second best copy of an original who has shed her skin. Im too much a coward to reinvent myself the way Vic has done, and in any case I dont even know who I want to be" This is very beautiful and compelling. I want to read about these versions of the sisters so much.

I don't really have much to say about your depiction of anxiety, other than it's spot on and that leaves me kind of speechless. As a highly empathic person it's hard to read it and not feel it.

That said, I will definitely come back to read more of this. Just maybe not all at once.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this review! The positive reviews from people who themselves struggle with Anxiety mean the most for me, because they mean I'm definitely doing something right! If the story was loved by everybody /except/ people who themselves have Anxiety disorders I'd take that as a sign that I hadn't done a good enough job with the characterisation of Dominique.

And as for there being only five chapters... well. /This/ story will have come to its natural conclusion at the end of that chapter, but we might meet Dominique again, in another story. I might write a story about Victoire, and if I do Dominique will definitely show up! I'm trying to limit Vic's presence in this story, because poor Dom shouldn't be overshadowed by her older sister even in her own story! But she really is a "lovely person", as you say. And I might even write more about Dominique herself, if I get a good enough idea.

Hm, I had completely forgotten about the rule about diary entries! I looked it up, and it says "Submissions deemed not to contain enough plotting or content to be considered a story will be rejected. This can include stories that take the form of letter exchanges, diary entries, reality tv series, game shows, etc." So it /can/ include diary entries, but seeing as all the chapters of this story have been validated without any problems, I guess this story has enough plotting to be allowed. But thanks for pointing it out! It's always important to be aware of the rules, and reminders are good.

I'm also always happy when people are happy about Molly having a job (and getting promoted!). She was always very invested in Arthur's career, and now she gets to shine in her own! It makes me happy that I managed to give her that opportunity while also giving her a job that is true to her character (at least I think so).

And just in general, thank you so much for the kind words! It's a headrush, having my writing described as "very beautiful and compelling"! : )

If you do come back and read more, I'd like to warn you about chapter 4. It's definitely the darkest chapter, and contains the most internalised ableism (or is that not the right word when it comes to Anxiety disorders?). Take care, and take your time! Your mental wellbeing comes first!

/Kapa


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Review #20, by Roisin Dominique's Third Diary Entry

29th May 2015:
That Dominique kind of searches out, and obsesses over, anything that can be deemed problematic is very realistic. Like, the main thing she focuses on about her day with Mme Cloche is that she might have responded inappropriately to a comment--when probably NOTHING happened.

I've never suffered from an actual anxiety disorder, but I think that Dominique's feelings are something most people can probably relate to, and have felt at one time or another. I'm just really impressed at how well you occupy her perspective yet maintain the subtle awareness that her narration is sort of unreliable. Or perhaps that's not the right word. I mean that there's something of a distance between what she sees and what the reader determines.

GUH, it's just SO GOOD.

xoxo
Roisin

Author's Response: Hmmm... I agree that probably everyone can relate to overthinking some minor mistake they've made, but I also think it's important to keep in mind that when it comes to someone with an Anxiety disorder this would probably be much more common for them and/or cause them more mental anguish. Like, Dominique here is constantly second guessing her every interaction with everyone (except maybe her closest family), while I only obsess over things I've said when I've been particularly daft. For something like the situation in this chapter, I'd probably just laugh harder if I realised that someone was offended by something accidentally dirty I'd said.

Oh, and now that I think about it Dominique's laugh was probably pretty nervous, and Mme Cloche might just have been worried about her and wrinkled her nose because she was concerned, not because she was offended, haha. Oh, I say as MargaretLane always does: "Poor Dominique!"

I do definitely think you can call Dominique an unreliable narrator. You don't have to be lying per se to be unreliable, I don't think. I'm just happy that I've managed to make it clear that not everybody hates poor Dom, even though she feels like they probably do (and her feelings are valid!). And sometimes I also think that Dominique is aware that she's exaggerating. Like, in the chapter before this one she says that Molly'd probably hate her if she knew that Dominique goes to the cemetery for less-than-solely-altruistic reasons. But I think even Dom realises that a grandparent won't stop loving their grandchild over something like that. But I also do think that Dom really believes that Molly would be more disappointed/angry than she really would be.

Thank you again for these lovely reviews. They are also SO GOOD, haha!

/Kapa


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Review #21, by Roisin Dominique's Second Diary Entry

29th May 2015:
It just keeps getting better and better!

That intro was fantastic--the rambly little parenthetical phrase made the stark opening about Fred's grave have so much impact! Dominique's voice and perspective continues to shine.

It's interesting, because something about this story is actually very /FRENCH/. Like even without the diary device, the kind of shifting narration through time and use of passing memories, and the way it kind of washes over you, reminds me a LOT of french literature (particularly Marguerite Duras.)

All in all, you manage to make this story gorgeous and funny and sad all at the same time. And it all comes off as really effortless, but while reading, I catch little things you've clearly thought about and am like "oh yes, you are quite clever".

LOVE THIS STORY

Author's Response: Gaaah I, like, hide behind my hands when I'm reading these because I get shy from the praise, haha! Your reviews are so lovely, they make me feel like what I'm writing is actually important and thought out and stuff.

I've never read anything by Marguerite Duras, actually. I might be a little inspired by the diaries by Anais Nin, though, now that you mention it. Though Dominique is much less obsessed with sex, haha! But mostly I'm just inspired by how I write my own diaries. Maybe I have a French soul, haha? Though my stories are usually a lot more straight forward... hm. I don't know.

I definitely have put a lot more time into constructing this narrative than I have with, for example, Grey Fire (my poor abandoned other baby : ( ), but I get curious about what "little things" you refer to that I've "clearly thought about"? I try to add small headcanons into the story, like how witches live so long that they can have a career after being stay-at-home mums, is that what you mean? Hm, I guess I might never know.

/Kapa


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Review #22, by Roisin Dominique's First Diary Entry

29th May 2015:
Hello!
I was checking out the entries to the Diversity Challenge and I absolutely /adored/ this! The voice is really fantastic, and the diary device works really really well. You're able to get away with very casual language because of the style, but there's still so much about it that's rather elegant and poignant. Dominique's internal monologue is gorgeous in its way, and really really interesting (the thing about dating a metamorphmagus making appearance more fluid)--just so many fascinating ideas! And the diary-style is super convincing (that ending was fantastic!)

I love the way she appears to use humor to sort of make things less intense, and there seems to be a kind of toggle going on with how honest she is.

I feel like I'm being really rambly and not doing a very good job of explaining what I like so much about this, but, uh--FAVORITED.

xoxo
Roisin

Author's Response: Oh, wow, a new set of amazing reviews!

I really worked on getting Dominique to have her own 'voice' here, so I'm very happy that it comes through. I got the idea for this story and I just knew it had to be told in this way. There’s definitely a "toggle going on with how honest [Dominique] is" - and I'm not sure how aware of it she is herself! I think she's so used to censoring herself when talking to other people that she can't really tell the difference between exaggerating and just being honest for once when she gets to write something for her own eyes only, if that makes sense. (Oops, now I'm almost making myself feel bad for putting her personal diary up on the internet... even though I wrote it!)

I write a sort of diary myself, so I know how difficult it can be to finish an entry when you haven't set yourself a finite amount of text to write. So the reason that the ending is so convincing is that I pilfered it from my own diary, haha!

I am very happy that you like this story enough to favourite it, and I think you're very good at putting your thoughts about this story into words, actually!

Thank you so much!

/Kapa


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Review #23, by livmarie Dominique's Third Diary Entry

12th May 2015:
This piece is wonderful! Thank you so much for appropriately tackling anxiety in fiction! I personally use writing letters to cope with my own anxiety and find this story comfortingly familiar. Keep up the good work!

Author's Response: Aah, thank you, I'm so humbled by the response to this story! I'm so happy that I've managed to write something that people find relatable. And now, finally, I am indeed 'keeping up the good work', because the fourth chapter of this story is in the queue at last! And the fifth (and last) is half written as well! I hope you'll enjoy the rest of this story also!

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Review #24, by MargaretLane Dominique's Third Diary Entry

3rd April 2015:
*grins* There's a certain naivety to Dominique's feeling that she'll have to stick with this job and that her employer will expect her to take over the business if she trains her. I worked in a supermarket between my degree and post-grad and there was this one guy who trained as a manager, then left within the week of finishing training.

And she seems determined to make herself feel she's done something wrong - like she thinks she'll let her employer down if she DOES decide to leave and do something else and that she'll let her teachers down if she doesn't.

Those jokes are a bit cruel, but I guess people just don't THINK.

Oh, students start Beaubatons a year and a half later than Hogwarts? That is interesting from this side of the Irish sea, since Irish students start secondary school a year later than in Britain. Makes you wonder how Irish students at Hogwarts explain leaving for boarding school before their last year of primary school.

Poor, poor Dominique. I hope her first day at work goes well.

Author's Response:
Aaah, another lovely review from MargaretLane!

I am so honoured that you care about my writing, and I hope you're still interested in this story, because after some tumultuous months in my real life I've finally gotten the fourth chapter of this into the queue!

I think you're really on to something when you mention that Dominique "seems determined to make herself feel she's done something wrong". She's really putting herself in a double bind there. I think maybe it's because she always feels so bad about herself, and she sorta have to justify that to herself? Like 'I feel like I'm horrible, let's look at my life and see if anything can be construed as me being horrible'. And then those 'damned if you do, damned if you don't'-situations are perfect, because then she can justify her self hatred whatever she does... Does that make sense?

As for the cruel jokes, I think this is a mix of Dominique reading her own self-digust into some pretty good-humoured jokes, but I also think certain members of the Weasley Clan can be really insensitive and even cruel. And when some of the jokes are cruel for real, it gets easier to read the ones that are just a bit ill-thought-through like that as well, I think. It's like a vicious circle!

I based Beauxbaton students starting school later on the fact that it's implied in GoF that there are years of students older than 17 at either one of the visiting schools or both. But other than that, I completely made it up because it suited the story.

And well... as you'll see in the next chapter her first day at work probably went well... it's her, like, fiftieth or something day you should really worry about...


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Review #25, by MargaretLane Dominique's Second Diary Entry

16th March 2015:
Yay, another chapter of Dominique.

*laughs* Yeah, I can't imagine Luna being called "aunt" somehow, especially by kids she isn't even related to.

Aw, poor Dominique, thinking she was stupid because she said something that upset people, when she couldn't have known it would. She clearly blames herself WAY too easily.

And Ginny has the right idea about diaries!? Wonder if Dominique is familiar with the background there.

Aw, and she thinks her grandparents would hate her if they knew she went to the graveyard for reasons other than to honour Fred. I REALLY don't think that's true.

And she even worries about people seeing her "mess up" when she's knitting. She clearly has a lot of self-esteem issues. Poor girl.

LOVE the idea of Mrs. Weasley working for Madame Malkin's and her jumpers becoming famous because Harry, Ron, the twins and so on wore them.

And that seems like a good job for Dominique. I think a job might do her good. It might help take her mind off things and give her some confidence if things went well.

*laughs* I remember being in my early twenties and thinking, "I should be more independent. Should I really still be at college when I'm 23?" And now, looking back, finishing at 21, finishing at 23 - it really doesn't make that much difference.

And of course, there's no reason she can't apply for Arithmancy jobs later on, even if she does take this job now. After all, she's probably got about 60+ years of working life left, considering what we see in canon. But it never feels like that when you first leave school or college.

I hope she finds something right for her, something she'll enjoy.

Author's Response: Wow, you really write the most wonderful reviews!

And ooops, I just looked at my response for you last review, and apparently I wrote that I'd write about other reasons that Dom went to Beauxbatons in this chapter... and then I didn't. It'll be in the chapter I'm writing now, though, I promise! : P

I think the Next Gen kids know a bit about what happened with Ginny and her diary, but not a lot. I think Ginny relates to her trauma by humour, so she'd probably make a lot of jokes about how diaries are bad that the kids would hear and not totally understand.

And yes, poor Dom. I don't know if she ACTUALLY thinks people would hate her if they knew her reasons for going to the cemetery, or saw her mess up at something, but it certainly feels like that to her.

And yay, I'm happy you like the job I gave Molly. I was a bit worried it might seem silly, but I think it combines her more ambitious side with the motherly side she shows to most of the world, and I think that's great for her.

We'll see in the next chapter if Dom takes the job or not. She certainly needs to do SOMETHING that will take her out of the Burrow more... and she'll have the good instinct to talk the issue through with her sister before deciding on anything.

Again, thank for the amazing reviews!

/Kapa


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