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Reading Reviews for Break Up With Him
  
7 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Katie Wallenby Break Up With Him

1st June 2015:
Even after so long this one was a difficult read for me. It's hard not to think about what might have been when you wind up alone after being forced to leave love behind in the middle of the night. But Lily was always a good girl and kind on top of it all. With everything that happened, I find I can't begrudge them the happiness they found. That was never my way anyhow.

Knowing them both like I do though, I have to compliment your characterization. The James you wrote is the James I know, confident yes, but ultimately caring and incredibly loyal despite his pranks and sharp wit. And Lily was simpler when it came to appearance than other girls, not really reveling in feminine finery with much frequency. We were alike in that way.

The one thing that did surprise me was that James and Sirius were invited to a Slug Club event, but in the end it's just a detail in a story that's about so much more than the setting.

Thanks for sharing this! I may have to read more like this I think. Maybe it will help give me closure.

Author's Response: Hi Katie.

I'm glad you like the characterization. I felt like Slughorn would be likely to send invitations to Sirius and James just because they're such characters, but I can definitely see how they'd not be invited with their shenanigans.

Thanks for yet another review! =)


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Review #2, by BookDinosaur Break Up With Him

29th March 2015:
Hello Rhaenyra! It's BookDinosaur here with the review I owe you for entering my Songfic Challenge. Apologies for the lateness, please forgive me?

So, reviewing! I love James/Lily as a paring, so obviously I was going to love this unless it was truly terrible, which this is clearly not. :D

I think your use of first person narration was very effective for this story - first person is something I'm seeing less of nowadays and I've always liked that when done right, it can give fantastic insights into the characters' mind, and I think you brought that aspect of it out really well, kudos!

Now the song (this had to come up eventually, ahaha), I think you picked well. The story and the song seemed to match each other, and I hadn't heard of the song before I listened to it while I was reading this but I can definitely see how the two go together, tonally.

As I've already said, I love Lily/James as a pairing and this definitely didn't disappoint! You didn't fall into the old trap of making him super arrogant and cocky - I mean, yes, he's confident, but he did grow up during his Seventh Year, I think everyone had to. And Lily was a little more serious in this story than I usually see her portrayed, which was a nice change. The two of them together really did seem to fit, as well; it's not like you were just saying that they fit and we the readers had to believe you, the way the two of them interacted made it very believable.

This was an adorable, fluffy story, and I'm really glad I got the chance to read it! Thank you for entering my challenge and be sure to keep an eye out for the results. :D

Author's Response: Hello! Don't worry about the lateness, real life has a tendency to get in the way. I'm glad you enjoyed the story and the pairing. Your comments about the characterization made me smile. Thank you for reviewing and for the challenge! =)

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Review #3, by wolfgirl17 Break Up With Him

18th March 2015:
Hey Rhaenyra!

Wolfgirl here checking out your entry for the Break the Mold challenge. I totally listened to the song that inspired this as I was reading it and now I can't get it out of my head!

Now, onto the fic!

You've done a great job with this one. You're use of 1st person is really effective and I really enjoyed this fic. I always love a James/Lily fic, so this was really great to read. The song-fic format made it all the more exciting too.

I only got two entries for this challenge, so count yourself among the brave as most people were too chicken to give my challenge a go. It was seriously cool of you.

I especially enjoyed the ending of this fic. I like the way you portrayed the relationship between James and Lily and the way you made Lily a little more serious than we usually see her. It was fluffy and sweet and utterly delightful.

You do have a couple of typos throughout that could use editing if you have the time as they interrupt the flow of the story a little, bit beyond that you've done a fantastic job.

In other news, You're requested fic should begin being posted really soon, with luck. So keep an eye out for it. I'll PM you and Kaitlin with the results and your prizes really soon too. Awesome story.

Keep at it!

xx-Ellie

Author's Response: Hi Ellie! That song gets stuck in my head too, which is why I chose it for this story. I'm glad you enjoyed the story. I will be sure to go over it again and look for typos (I thought I caught them all, darn!). And that's great news about the requested fic, I will definitely keep my eyes peeled.

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Review #4, by marissa lily potter Break Up With Him

8th March 2015:
D'awww!

That was so adorable and cute! I LOVE LOVE LOVE Lily and James and I think their story is so tragic but I always picture how they got together in my head and the scenarios are always adorable and quirky and cute. You've definitely helped my head canon feel incredibly happy haha.

I love your characterization of Lily. I thought it was so perfect the way you could se her struggling about breaking up with Edric and really thinking about whether their relationships was good or not. I can also see her struggling not to like James but not being able to. She was fantastic and I appreciate that so much! You definitely stuck true to her. She's kind and intelligent but also not someone who could be with someone who doesn't stimulate her mentally. I always thought that's why Lily and James were so great for one another!

I also really like that you gave Lily a friend who was not a Gryffindor. There are so many stories about characters who are only friends with other people from their own house. But Hogwarts is so large and I can't picture not having friends outside of your own house! Lily also seems like the type of person who would be welcoming to a lot of people. The fact that she was friends with Snape for so long is definitely indicative of the type of good person that she is so it was nice to see her good friend come from another house.

So, Sirius is actually my favourite character in the entire Harry Potter series. I'm always nervous about reading any portrayal of Sirius because I adore him so much but you did a fantastic job sticking to his character! He and James are close and you can really see that here. He's also funny and charming and I loved that he's James wingman. I can definitely see that happening haha. The conversation between him and Lily is just how I picture it to be. Friendly but not overly so. You can tell that he cares about James and wants Lily to see the good in him.

I thought the awkwardness between Lily and Snape was great. I honestly wanted to cover my face at how awkward it was. xD But good on Lily for not letting Snape's awful words affect her too much (or at least show it)! You did a fantastic job with characterization and flow. I really enjoyed reading this story! Great work!

Cheers!

~Marissa

Author's Response: Hi Marissa!

I'm glad you liked the characterization! Sirius as we know him as an adult would obviously be vastly different than teenage Sirius, back before the betrayals and Azkaban and the fighting so I'm glad you thought I did him justice. As for Harry's parents, we know so much and so little about them at the same time so I'm glad you like how I portrayed them.

I agree with you about inter-house friendships! Your statement about why you think Lily realistically would be friends with people from other houses is very similar to my opinion. (Great minds think alike I guess!) Being friends with students from different houses especially would make sense given the need to fight against a common foe.

Thank you so much for the lovely review! It made me smile. =)


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Review #5, by Claire Evergreen Break Up With Him

6th March 2015:
Hey! Here for the BvB Challenge!

I will say that I don't ever read Jily-centric fics, but I figured I'd try out one of yours and I'm really glad I did because it's so cute!

I'm so so so so so glad that you had them actually be friends before they got together. So many people have Lily hating James up until their seventh year and then suddenly having a change of heart and getting together, but that makes no sense. A+ for changing it up!

I do have extremely extensive headcanons for the Marauders, but I really like your characterization for all them, especially Sirius and James. Sirius did have that confident-borderline-arrogant personality, but he could also be (pardon the pun) serious enough to have an actual conversation with Lily. James, too, came across much more mature than I'm assuming he would have been in earlier years, which perfectly fits with what we know from canon. Both of them act like actual people who have matured from when they were younger.

Liv seems like a wonderful friend for Lily. It's really obvious that the two of them are very different, but not so much that it would seem strange that they were friends.

I just really like your characterization for everyone in this story, it was really well done! I'm so glad I got to read this! Great job!

-Claire

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it! The friends-before-dating thing seemed so obvious to me since we know nothing for a 15+ month span between OWLS & them starting to date and I figured their relationship would have to change over their 6th year.

I'm glad you liked the characterizations as well! Such sweet comments.

Thanks for the lovely review! =)


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Review #6, by typewriter Break Up With Him

1st March 2015:
Hello!

I really enjoyed this! I don't often, if ever, read James/Lily stories for some reason. I was intrigued by your premise, and I'm very happy I gave it a shot because it was a lot of fun. I liked the portrayal of a Slug Club meeting. My favorite description was: "It hadnít taken long to realize that he thought more was more." I got a good laugh over that, especially at how spot on it is. I loved James and Lily's dance, and how he was so honest with her. You could really tell he'd been waiting for so long to tell her honestly how he felt. I always assumed James was immature about how he went about wooing Lily, which is why she didn't like him for a very long time. I like that you gave him a moment to be raw and bare his heart to her. It was lovely. My only criticism would be that I was a little confused by Severus's part in the story. I felt that it was a bit unnecessary considering the fact she was already balancing her boyfriend and James, but in the long run it didn't take away anything from your writing and I enjoyed it all!

Amanda

Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed it! I really think that line sort of summarizes who Slughorn is as a person: bigger, louder, brighter, etc. I'm glad you like James's portrayal since I wanted to make sure he was not portrayed as a total pain. The main reason Snape was there was because I think Slughorn would choose him as a member of the club, because he is a) in Slughorn's house and b) a Potions genius. Thanks for the review Amanda! =)

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Review #7, by SunshineDaisies Break Up With Him

21st February 2015:
Cute! I like the end bit especially :) I'd have liked to see a bit more development, especially of the relationship between Lily and Edric. I think it would be a lot more impactful if we got to see the comparisons between how Lily is with him, and how she is with James. But that's kind of hard to do in a one-shot and especially in a song-fic. So maybe just something to keep in mind for next time!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! You're right about struggles with development in these sorts of stories, but I definitely will keep your comments in mind for future stories though. =) I'm glad you thought it was cute.

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