Reading Reviews for Hamartia
40 Reviews Found

Review #1, by cherry_pop94 three.

25th December 2015:
Brilliant as always Elisabeth!

I can feel this ending poorly for Athena and Amelia. Idealizing your partner rarely ends well does it? I noticed it earlier too, but seeing someone as a walking goddess, the incarnation of perfection, well you're bound to be disappointed.

I loved the extension of Athena's fear of mediocrity here. She's jealous that Harry's being heralded as the school's saviour when she knows how much smarter she is. Its that fear of mediocrity again. Athena knows she's destined for greatness.

And then again with Him! The last paragraph was chilling. Very omnious foreshadowing for the darkness that is sure to come in Amelia's life. Though with the background on her father, I can begin to understand where her growing resentment comes from. He really is terrible.

I can't wait for more! I do hope this updated soon, but in the mean time, I'll definitely be reading tons more of your work!


Author's Response: i'm breaking my "oldest first" rule for my review answering blitz because i just HAVE TO TELL YOU THIS:

THANK YOU. THANK YOU SO MUCH you're like, one of the only people who has picked up on how UNHEALTHY this relationship is from the get-go. i mean, i hope it'll become more clear to people when they start literally guiding each other towards murder, but you're the first person to call out how unhealthy this level of idealising your partner is, and it's going to get worse.

Athena is very aware of her abilities. she knows what she's capable of, and she knows what she deserves, too. she's actually such a chilling character to write, sometimes.

i hope i can update this soon as well! it's my ultimate project and my baby, but as you can probably understand it's very atmospheric and i have to be in a particular headspace to write it and do it justice. i've got a fair bit of chapter four written, and I hope i can get the rest of it finished and up early next year.

thank you so much for the review!

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Review #2, by cherry_pop94 two.

25th December 2015:
Another brilliant chapter Elisabeth!

Eep, calling Voldemort 'He' sent such a shiver down my spine. It sounds so much more sinister to me than He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, You-Know-Who, or the Dark Lord. Though Amelia's reasoning behind rejecting each of those is spot on. But 'Him'... Its so... Inundated with religion. Its like Voldemort's some kind of God to be feared and admired, which I suppose for some of them he is.

Athena's biggest fear really... spoke to me I suppose. Mediocrity. Such a Ravenclaw fear but one that plagues me too. I understand her completely I like to think. Its the fear that your life will mean nothing in the grand scheme of things. Fear of fading into the background, that all our hard work will be for nought. I love her character so much. She really is simply astounding.

On to the next chapter! (Last one too, I don't know what I'll do without more Athena!)


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Review #3, by cherry_pop94 one.

25th December 2015:
Hello Elisabeth!

I'm on a bit of a binge on your page right now. I've actually wanted to read this one for a while and now that I'm on break, I finally have some time!

This was an amazing first chapter. Amelia is a truly incredible character. I can see some parallels between her and Voldemort - muggle father that she resents, witch (maybe pureblood) mother, hiding her muggle upbringing, a thirst for power. Her meeting with Amelia Bones is particularly telling. Though it is curious that she would become involved with Death Eaters, coming from a line of Order heroes.

The way you describe Athena is absolutely stunning. Wow I'm falling in love with her too and she hasn't said a word yet. Your descriptions are just so powerful.

I cannot wait to read more of this!


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Review #4, by Crescent Moon  three.

19th December 2015:
I'm loving this so far. So original, I love seeing it all from a different perspective and you're a great writer. I can't wait to read more!

Author's Response: thank you so much, i'm glad you're enjoying it!

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Review #5, by Enigmaticrose4 three.

29th November 2015:
Isn't Wood supposed to be graduated?

Author's Response: wood isn't in this story? at all? i'm confused

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Review #6, by marauderfan three.

8th November 2015:
ELISABETH. Truth time: My plan was to work on grad school apps and real life adulty things that I have to do, and not get sucked into fic writing/reading today, but I'm a terrible procrastinator and instead visited your AP because I can always find good things there. How am I just discovering this story now? IT'S SO GOOD

gah, where to start! I just love everything about this! But I think, as with most things I read by you, the characters are really what stand out and shine, and the reason I want to read more of this (new chapter soon pls?) Amelia is such a well crafted character and I love seeing the world through her eyes - she has such strong opinions and feelings and since it's from her POV I can't help but be on her side, and I imagine it's going to make me really confused when - based on the summary - I know she's on the wrong side but I'm still on her side... I'm going to have lots of feelings about that and I'm ready. :P

I also really like how Athena is portrayed as this perfect, godlike person - and even her imperfections are godlike as well, as the residents of Olympus were flawed (or whatever she said) - it's just so good. It's just really interesting how she deals with the fact that Athena is flawed - not avoiding the flaws but seeing what she wants to see. It's really interesting.

Also, the Slytherins. I love stories told from a Slytherin POV, especially during the second war time period. Reading the books we only get a limited and very biased view of what Slytherin House is (according to Harry, they're all ugly jerks, but... for real? obviously I don't need to say how silly that is). So I reeeally love this look into the Slytherin mindset and their perspectives on the Ministry, Umbridge, and Voldemort.

So yeah. I absolutely love what you've written of this so far, and I can't wait to read more.

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Review #7, by nia three.

2nd November 2015:
oh wow this is so captivating so far! i love amelia

Author's Response: thank you so much!

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Review #8, by TreacleTart two.

18th September 2015:
Hi again!

Back for another chapter.

I'm trying to find the words to explain the way that this story makes me feel and I'm really struggling. This really is a beautifully written piece. In just a couple thousand words you've brought to life a whole other side of cannon and it's brilliant.

I adore all of the little details that you include in this that contradict Harry's view. Snape isn't cruel or unfair. He's trying to even the playing field for a house that is normally shunned by all of the other Professors. The thing that I like about that perspective switch is it's so plausible. It makes perfect sense that Snape is favoring them to sort of protect them and give them a bit of praise that they might not get otherwise.

I also love that you're breaking down the stereotype of the Slytherins. Amelia is nervous about coming out to them, but in the end, I was happy that they accepted her for who she was. There wasn't the stereotypical Pureblood judginess. Instead, they closed ranks around her when she was being bullied, which really shows just how close and caring they all are.

The relationship between Athena and Amelia burns so brightly. I find myself simultaneously cheering for them and worrying that things might not work out. When Athena says everything is at stake if they get caught, I have to wonder what she means. Is she worried her family will abandon her? Will they get kicked out of school? Will it destroy her career? Maybe she's just being a dramatic sixteen year old, but it really makes it sound like her life is hinging on the line.

The ending where they ask each other questions really does a good job of giving the reader an idea of how quickly things happened. They don't know each others real names or birth dates. It seems they only know that they need to be with each other and the rest will sort of fall in place behind that.

Normally, I always try to leave at least a tiny bit of CC in a review, but honestly I'm struggling to find anything. I like the plot. The characters are all vivid and alive. The structure is smooth and easy to follow and there are no typos that I could find.

Good work!



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Review #9, by TreacleTart one.

18th September 2015:
Hi Elisabeth!

I'm making my rounds trying to read all of the stories nominated for Dobbys and that led me here. Congratulations on your nomination!

I thought this was a really nice start to your story. Very quickly, it became apparent who your main character was and what was going on in her life. The way you wrote about her really gave me a good feel for her personality and her concerns. That's particularly impressive considering the length of this chapter.

I really like that Amelia is so conflicted about her place in life. I thought it was sort of interesting how she feels the need to deny her roots to fit in with her classmates, but then at one point acknowledges that it's really more for her own mental well-being.

The whole situation with Amelia's father is rough. It's hard to think of him as the good man she describes when you consider that he disappeared from her life for five years simply because she's a witch. He should realize that that isn't anything that she can control and honestly I think any really good man would've supported her regardless of personal feelings.

Meeting Madame Bones was a nice way to tie her into the characters we know from cannon. I thought it was really sweet that she looked up to her aunt so much and decided that she wanted to be just like her. The name change and the ambition to do well certainly show her admiration for her.

Your description in this story is so lovely. The way you write your scenes really flows easily and makes me clearly envision everything. No where is this clearer than when your character starts talking about Athena. Based off of your descriptions, I could imagine this girl and why your character was so taken with her. I could really feel the excitement at meeting her, the scorching hot, fast, passionate romance, and then towards the end the disappointment at how it all worked out.

Your first chapter did a great job of pulling me into the story and making me feel involved in the characters. I always think this is a hard thing to manage when writing an OC, but you handled it flawlessly. I can't wait to read on and find out what happened with Athena and how life progressed for Amelia.

Great job!


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Review #10, by Penelope Inkwell two.

14th September 2015:
Elisabeth, have I ever told you that you are a genius?

Well, even if I did, I clearly need to say it again.

I love (love love LOVE) how you have portrayed Slytherin House here. It is brilliant. I'm a big fan of writing about Slytherins and showing the flipside, but you are an inspiration.

This section, in particular:

Something Professor Snape had noticed and actively tried to balance, doling out points to Slytherin whenever he could justify it and taking them from other houses for the slightest of infractions, and with Umbridge as well we were suddenly on an even playing field, not having to work twice as hard for half the recognition.

That is wonderful! I never could bring myself to like Snape all that much--not to say that I don't appreciate any of his good points, but even so. However, the way you describe him here makes so much sense. The idea that his extreme bias, his unfairness with points, was really just his way of trying to give his house a fighting chance when nearly everyone was against them, was so believable! It just puts a whole different spin on things!

And the way you describe Slytherin in general: cautious; reluctant to pick a side, preferring to stay in the middle, on safe ground with all major parties; cautious; willing to close ranks to protect their own--it's all so well done, and it feels so accurate. I especially loved how you pointed out that saying you were behind Voldemort was a big thing. It's ridiculous to think that Slytherin was just the Death Eater house, throwing Welcome Back Voldy! parties in the common room. They're a cautious bunch, and not everyone was on his side.

I like seeing things from Amelia's POV. Even when she says things that are troubling, like having a deep contempt for Harry Potter, I still feel like I am finally seeing things from a Slytherin perspective that makes sense, even as it is biased (just as the Gryffindor perspectives in the books were biased). You make the Slytherin platform make sense, instead of being a caricature. It's really well done.

These are really more suggestions and questions than critiques.

We looked at Virgil’s pius vir and laughed in his face. Then, she married him
--Since I didn't know what a pius vir was--and I'm thinking a lot of people aren't up enough on their Latin to know it--the whole, "Then, she married him," really confused me. I was like, wait, is Virgil a character instead of the philosopher, like I was assuming? No. Okay, is this immediately followed by some part of the story about how she suddenly has married someone? No. Okay, so what?

Because without knowing that it means 'righteous man', you have no idea whom Athena married, which confuses you into thinking that it's happened just now and is immediately relevant to the story, rather than an aside. It might clarify things to translate it right then, like "We looked at Virgil's pius vir--his 'righteous man'--and laughed in his face. Then, she married him."

We had grown used to being biased against by most of the staff
-- "being biased against" doesn't sound quite correct to me? It might flow better to say, "We had grown used to the fact that most of the staff held a bias against us."

the fabled final year interhouse unity on the basis of Quidditch.
--I couldn't quite figured out what was meant by 'the fabled final year of interhouse unity'. When was their interhouse unity? Earlier she had talked about Slytherin unity, but this was the first time the concept of interhouse unity came up, and I felt like it might make more since if it was mentioned before. I don't quite understand what it means, really. Is it that 7th year students are more unified across houses? Is this the last year of interhouse unity? If so, that's confusing, because they didn't sound very unified before. That bit just confused me a little.

Oh, I forgot to mention that I'm here checking out more of this story, in light of your Dobby nomination. Congratulations! That's phenomenal. Your writing is crisp and clear and interesting as ever! The Slytherin angle you're working with here is fascinating. Great work!


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Review #11, by HeyMrsPotter three.

11th September 2015:

I'm really sad that this is the last chapter, I'm so into this story. I adore the atmosphere you've created in this chapter, it's totally chilling. Between Umbridge's reign in the school forcing the students to keep to themselves, and then Amelia's conversation with Theo about Voldemort, I had chills!

I'm going to need a new chapter of this, like yesterday ;)


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Review #12, by HeyMrsPotter two.

11th September 2015:
Hello again!

Another really great chapter. I think you've touched on such a great issue in a really believable way. I've always thought that the wizarding world was a little stuck in the past and I think that would spread to sexuality, especially in the pureblood families who are so concerned with passing on the family name and keeping the bloodline pure, being a lesbian really doesn't fit with those ideals and aims. Another great chapter.


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Review #13, by HeyMrsPotter one.

11th September 2015:
Hi, Lisa!

Congratulations on another Dobby nominated story!

I think this is a brilliant opening chapter. I think you've given readers a really good impression of Amelia already. I felt sorry for her that her father left when he found out she was going to Hogwarts but I think it's really believable, especially with him being a teacher.

And that first paragraph really grabs my attention, what doesn't she regret? I must know!

I'm excited to read on :)


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Review #14, by BookDinosaur three.

5th September 2015:
omg elisabeth i cannot believe that nobody has reviewed this chapter yet? i might still get first review, but that has nothing to do with my dreadfully lazy fingers of lightning (which are working full-time at the moment trying to make up for their laxness and earn your forgiveness, o ancient celestial deity)

but man, this chapter. this chapter. i think i mentioned in the last review i left you that since reading the source material which inspired the writing style of this story i could appreciate it so much more, and with the est of the chapter up that stands even truer than before. (i'm currently 18.79% of the way thought tsh. to two decimal places and everything.) the way that you've emulated donna tartt's writing is so beautiful and perfect - all the trademarks are there, the beautifully flowing sentences and careless, beautiful descriptions. it's so amazing, and your prose retains some of you in there as well, and oh my days it's so so beautiful and i don't understand how you do it pls teach me your ways

this is one of the quotes that stood out to me as beautifully descriptive: a tall, blonde parody of a stepmother, who gushed over me with insincerity-laced sweetness.

i love the way that you've explored the issue of amelia's father here. it wasn't an issue which was that explored in canon, but of course the revelation of magic in your child would tear some families apart and that's awful to think about. the way that you've explored amelia's father and her feelings towards him, and the impact that his departure had on amelia, to the point that she was hearing that conversation when the dementors. the way that you just so casually give us backstory and information is - gah, i have no words. i love the way that you explore amelia's background and how it affects her currently

and oh, athena! i love how you've portrayed the relationship between the two of them, the way that they so mutually adore one another - gah, it might be unhealthy (it definitely would be unhealthy) if it was onesided, but the fact that's it's so gloriously reciprocated makes it so beautiful to me. i love that they see each other's flaws, i love that you've brought in athena's flaws so obviously, and the two of them just still love each other so much. this quote just MELTED MY HEART (i'm sorry it's so long i couldn't cut it down i just couldn't)

countless times I found her transfixed by me and would return the gaze until the world around us faded to nothing – there was something so enthralling, so intoxicating in those moments that even now defy all attempts to describe them, but every pair of lovers knows the feeling.

my heart. what have you done to it

gah, your worldbuilding. i love that you've made some of the death eaters gay and i love how you build it into canon and pull it off so effortlessly, ahhh. elisabeth how

that last paragraph, followed by that last line - i won't quote it all back to you for the sake of brevity and because you wrote it, but it's so so beautiful and atmospheric and gaaah elisabeth how do you write

if you couldn't tell from the review, i enjoyed this chapter so much and desperately need to steal your skills. if that's not possible, i would settle for another chapter? :P

♥ emily


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Review #15, by Penelope Inkwell one.

31st August 2015:
Hey Elisabeth! I'm here reading through the Silver Scales nominations, and your descriptions are, indeed, lovely.

I love the way you describe Slytherin House here--it matches up exactly with so many of the thoughts I've always had about it and have wanted to convey in my story. The booing when kids are Sorted has bothered me for ages. They're 11! Is it any wonder that they close ranks? That they feel less loyalty and connection to the other Houses? I don't think so.

You make Amelia sympathetic, even though it sounds like she's going to end up on the wrong side of this war. She lies because she wishes her life had been better, and because if the Slytherins won't respect and incorporate her, who will? The way you describe her fending off the dementors with her badge because it's a sign that she *belongs* was such a good touch.

The whole thing is extra tragic, though, knowing what's to come, since so many members of the Bones family were killed by the Death Eaters. It makes me really wonder what her response will be to all that. And I'm so sad for her after what happened with her dad. The way you described their relationship--the library and ice cream and wallet size school pictures, and then the way it ends--just really tugs at the heartstrings,

Congratulations on your nomination. You certainly deserve it!


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Review #16, by pointless_proclamations one.

28th June 2015:
Greetings Lisa,

I'm just going to say words.

It is Jamie come to read stuff! Ooh history! Taught by someone other than Binns. I mean no disrespect to the guy, but he's way too hung up on history--he can't move on. . . Okay, not my best joke. I used that on Devyn and she looked like she was intrinsically threatening bodily harm.

This got interesting really fast. I am intrigued. Who is this? It seems the narrator and I have something in common. My mother left my family when she found out I was magical. That look she gave me, I will take that to my grave--or the belly of an untameable giant squid which is higher up on my 'better ways to die' list. Let it be known to Gail, I died trying to find her a friend.

More seriously, though, way to build deep emotional connection with this yet-to-be-named narrator! Empathy is so easily attained here because understanding is reached quickly. And yet, so much to still be intrigued by.

I cannot get over someone being able to write about history and make it as exciting as this, seeing that I never picked up a history book beyond 'Hogwarts: A History.' You've got incredible flow with amazing intensity. Plus, when you're putting words together, Lisa, things just work out really well for you: here's a word, there's a word [sparkle], ooh pretty.

Aha!! Bones! Seems a vaguely familiar. I really should have paid Binns more attention.

You consistent have just beautiful imagery throughout the story. It reads like a movie or, even better, the movie adaption of The Tale of Three Brothers with the cool effects and all and Em, what in good Merlin are you talking about?

I am outraged. 'My Sorting was met with booing from the long table later identified as Gryffindor, and the whole house seemed folded in on itself, backs to the rest of the school, opening only briefly to let me and my classmates in before closing its ranks again.' This makes absolute sense because they can be a rowdy bunch, Jamie Nott will it stand for booing at a Sorting. While we are at this passage, MORE PRETTY WORDS AND BEAUTIFUL IMAGERY. I do like however, that the Slytherins stick together, most widely misunderstood bunch that they are. You gave the image of a sort of army, standing together purely for defence purposes.

My housemates suck. I am sorry. Really Hufflepuff? I mean I know it's not beyond you, but really? Always fun to explore the character flaws of the seemingly infallible houses.

In so few words Amelia Bones has made her introductions so throughly and set up her story so well. I like that I get to know her that well before reading on: her likes, dislikes, fears, what makes her tick, relevant background information. Again, unlike Binns, who usually just lists these things out, she's made it absolutely thrilling. Amelia Bones has radiant writing skills.

This Athena Sewlyn is made out to be very intriguing! Her physical appearance is described in the most novel of ways. 'the air of knowing she was every bit as divine as her namesake.' Little bit pretentious. :P really though, I nearly envy the way she can carry herself like that. You have raised her on a pedestal and the fascination, admiration, all that Amelia feels for her is so evident. I'm kind of feeling that too.

I am devouring this entire story as if it were a mini-quiche. You know, when their just a bit too big to fit in your mouth, but you go for the thing anyway? Yup. That's me and this story.

I worship your metaphors. They're just SO AMAZING AND BRILLIANT, GOOD MERLIN, WHAAT?

Little bit meta with the last line from what Em tells me and I have no idea what that means, but she says you're sneaky.

Many feelings. So many feelings. I shall list them:
This story is making me think a lot. So much to be thought about.
I will not walk away from this the same way I went into it.
This looks like an epic one.
I think Amelia is making me fall a bit in love with Athena. I an strangely fascinated and a little by terrified of her.
I love Amelia. I want to find her and hug her.

Jamie (and Em)

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Review #17, by BookDinosaur two.

28th June 2015:
i'm back. hi, lisa

oh my goodness, can i even tell you how amazing this story is? your skills when it comes to storytelling are so wonderful. your writing here is so evocative and your prose is amazing, and when i say that, i mean i could read this and imagine it all in my mind. your writing is beautiful and flowy and idk whether i can ever tell you this enough.

also, i am reiterating this: i am never believing anything you say about how bad you are at prose again. there was one line in particular which i adored: I kissed her and she thawed – a Galatea coming to life for me alone, her hands tangled in my flaming hair and her lips red velvet on mine.

your headcanons and descriptions of how the slytherin house behave were all so real, i believed them without any doubts - the way that they all closed ranks around amelia even though her sexuality might have been controversial for some of them really stood out to me, bc slytherin is a very united house, i think, and you wrote that in perfectly here.

again, i love the point of view you have going on here - the way that you're telling the story of the slytherins, but not just the slytherins, the slytherins who decided willingly to join voldemort's cause. your writing tells their story beautifully, and despite the choices they made - which villainised them completely in canon - they still seem human, which is a great achievement.

i hope that you decide to continue this lisa, bc you definitely have something here and i would love to read more!!

♥ Emily
House Cup 2015 - Ravenclaw

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Review #18, by BookDinosaur one.

28th June 2015:
LISA!! I haven't reviewed this story and I've been meaning to for the longest time, so this amazing race is v fortuitous for me (maybe not so much for you bc you're going to have to put up with a lot of my crazyish rambling oops)

alright, you're off to an amazing start, honestly. i've read some of the older versions of this story on your ap (and not reviewed, shame on me) but seeing this and looking at the different ways that you're mapping out this story the decision to start anew makes sense and it doesn't feel like i'm just rereading stuff from before, you know? you've gone and improved and edited it, and this finished result is beautiful, honestly.

i love this dhange in prespective from what you normally see. i've never seen a story which deals with the children, really, who joined the dark lord's side willingly and this is such an interesting, fresh new take that's so enthralling to read.

i love your main character already. the way that slytherin actually does accept halfbloods but the way that amelia's hiding her parentage to fit in. she seems like someone who would be in slytherin house but you haven't turned her into a bunch of slytherin sterotypes, which is awesome.

last thing before i sign off, your description here is stunning. you always say that you can't write description, and after this i don't think i'm ever going to believe you again. read over the last couple of paragraphs in this chapter, lisa, and tell me that you're not good at writing description.

♥ Emily
House Cup 2015 - Ravenclaw

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Review #19, by adluvshp one.

28th June 2015:
Slytherin here for House Cup 2015.

This is a very interesting start to the story! I like how it's from the POV of a new Slytherin character, someone who is "willing" to be on the "dark" side, as it's a fresh perspective.

Your descriptions were simply amazing, and some bits really stood out to me like "(I learned this, too, was out of necessity, because of the sheer venom directed at us from self-righteous Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs with points to prove, and that Slytherin’s caustic reputation was self-defence)." and "I didn’t learn her name for another two years, but when I did – Athena Selwyn – I knew she would be my downfall."

Your characterisation was very good and I am instantly intrigued by her personality as well as somewhat connected. Her hiding her parentage, experience of being into Slytherin, meeting Athena, falling for her - it is all described very well. I am in love with the narrative and the writing style, it flows beautifully.

All in all, such a lovely start to the story! I'd love to read more. Great job!

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Review #20, by Infinityx two.

28th June 2015:
House Cup 2015 Slytherin

you are killing me here lisa. i really have no clue how i'm going to review the utter perfection that is this fic and you have not updated past this chapter, do you know how cruel that is to your readers? i absolutely LOVE this and i want to favourite it a thousand times and tell everyone about it bc your writing is just out of this world. you're almost up there with donna tartt and you are a goddess

you have obviously planned this out in extensive detail and it's so clear in this chapter. all those descriptions and details about slytherin mindset, and house unity were just brilliant. i love how you begin with her coming out and then move on to hierarchy and a more general understanding of the house in general. that structure and flow are so beautiful and smooth and i am in awe. it's amazing to see the other side of the story, focusing on how slytherins have to work twice as hard because of the bias against them. and knowing from this that snape tries to balance that out by giving them extra points just changes everything about the way one would look at canon and that is truly amazing.

athena and amelia are just otherworldly. how do you do this.
a Galatea coming to life for me alone. . . etc. this is just so perfect. (i didn't want to c&p the whole thing because 12+ ugh)

and that final word gave me chills. every single time i read this chapter.

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Review #21, by Infinityx one.

28th June 2015:
House Cup 2015 Slytherin

i have only read the first few pages of secret history and omg your writing reminds me of it. so eery and beautiful, and so suspenseful! how do you write like this? :o the whole theme of the childhood and doing things again and looking back... SECRET HISTORY YES I CAN SEE IT SO CLEARLY. I love how not much is revealed, and yet, so much< is
i love how everything's so surreal in a way. your writing casts this magical blanket over the whole thing and the whole back story about her going to Hogwarts fit in so perfectly, and then straight to that prefects meeting with a magical encounter. So surreal. so beautiful.

i imagined an ice sculpture when i read that description of Athena. wow. your descriptions are so vivid and amazing. before that though Athena - love the name choice best ever.

I was a moth and she was the flame, though she had no idea how brightly she burnt, how she blinded me to every other kind of light in the world until I was just following her, deeper and deeper into the world she inhabited and then deeper still. Our lives became a chiaroscuro of shadows, too enchanting for us to realise we had ventured beyond the reach of the light until it was too late.
uh, hello? what kind of magic is this writing? :O so divine, caelestis.

ooh also that description about Slytherin house being separated from the other three and the way they all collectively behave - love that. so many details in such a short chapter you are amazing.

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Review #22, by Beeezie two.

28th June 2015:
Oh, I love the way you opened this chapter. There's clearly some homophobia, especially from younger students, but there's something so wonderful and refreshing about Amelia being sure that she would face rejection and then instead finding that her house was incredibly supportive of her. Loyalty is such an important quality, and I always felt that it was one that all four houses took very seriously - perhaps Ravenclaw a but less than the others, I'll admit.

The way you're characterizing Slytherin in general makes complete sense to me. I love the way you're presenting their behavior in OotP as being based on loyalty to the Ministry, not loyalty to Voldemort - it makes an enormous amount of sense, and from the way you present it, I can see why they just wouldn't see whether or not they supported Harry as being particularly important even if they were opposed to Voldemort's ideas.

Sorry - I don't mean to get side tracked from Amelia and Athena, because their interaction toward the end of the chapter was golden. I felt like I got a really vivid picture of each other them and their relationship from a short conversation, and I can't wait to see more of it!

House Cup 2015 - Ravenclaw

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Review #23, by crestwood two.

28th June 2015:
So, let's talk about how much I love this story. First of all - you started writing this version of it just around the time when Hogwarts Era minor characters/OC became one of my favorite things, so it was sort of right on time. I had a lot of headcanon about Slytherin students in this era, but that all went out the window when I read this. I now know exactly how they would react to queer students within their ranks--like this.

I really feel what you wrote about Slytherins never truly shedding their house affiliations. It does feel like that sort of exclusive club that you carry with you for the rest of your life. In canon, that is. Not in real life, although I wish it were the case.

The introduction of Athena is excellent. You do it so matter of fact, letting on some things about her that aren't necessarily what most people would use to characterize someone.

'I kissed her back with all the fire I felt deep within me, and when we pulled apart the look in her eyes told me she was desperate to burn.' - When I get better at graphics, I really want to make some with lines from this story. Like when people make artwork out of John Green quotes--that's what I want to do with this story all the time.

Oliver Hobbs. Floppy haired, bespectacled golden boy, eh? Sorry, he just sounds very cute.

And obviously I'm excited about Theo. Always excited about Theo.

You wrote an entire paragraph about what Slytherin students called Voldemort. No one else would do that. No one. You have such an incredibly unique way of writing this story that is unlike even the rest that you've written. Every word is perfect. This is why you don't need a beta in the normal sense of the word.

I love the push for house unity between the seventh years. I kind of wish we could have seen something like that in canon, but Harry doesn't pay attention to anything.

The final conversation of the chapter was excellent all the way through and did quite a good job of characterization, but then came the last exchange that has stuck with me ever since I first read it.

"What's your biggest fear?" "Mediocrity." - To say that this changed my worldview a good bit sounds like an exaggeration, but in actuality, it did. The way you feel about The Secret History is basically how I feel about this story. I can't wait for you to send me another chapter because I could read it all over and over again.

Slytherin - House Cup 2015 Review

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Review #24, by Beeezie one.

27th June 2015:
Oooh, I really liked this! It's so intriguing to read about Slytherins who break the mold of the stereotypical Slytherin we saw in the books - they clearly weren't all pureblood maniacs, and while your story summary really intrigues me on that subject because I'm wondering whether Amelia (and, btw - omg, so excited to read on), I like that this chapter depicts both a character and a house who are much more nuanced and complicated.

I can also see why a Muggle parents might have a poor reaction to their daughter going off to school and entering a world that they couldn't take part in - to me, that's a difficult and troubling aspect of blood status that didn't get as much face time in the books as maybe it should have, so I'm really glad you're touching on it here. There's this idea that most Muggle parents would be thrilled to learn that their child was a witch or wizard, but I tend to think that it isn't always that simple.

And this is LGBTQ+! Omg that also makes me so happy. I cannot wait to read on, and I'm super disappointed this only has a couple chapters up so far!

House Cup 2015 - Ravenclaw

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Review #25, by krazyboutharryginny two.

27th June 2015:
House Cup 2015 - Go Go Gryffindor!

Well, this was an interesting chapter. It contained a lot of stuff I wasn't expecting. First of all, I see that we have very different ideas about what old Pureblood families would think of queerness! I went the opposite route in Breathe, but honestly, this one makes sense too (and obviously works much better for the story that you're trying to tell).

"(I thought, often, how much trouble that one word caused us. Pietas. Neither of us possessed it; neither of us wanted to. We looked at Virgil’s pius vir and laughed in his face. Then, she married him)." I know I've said this a million times recently, but Lisa, you are a GENIUS! Throwing a tidbit like "Then she married him" in right at the beginning of the story, not even halfway through chapter 2?! Brilliant! It feels like that shouldn't work (because it's a spoiler) but it totally does! Now I NEED to know more.

"“You’re all right, Greenslade,” Angelina Johnson told me the night before the match" This really made me smile. I know it's a minor detail but now I'm having Angelina Johnson feels.

The scene at the end between Amelia and Athena is beautifully written. Great description and emotion.

Overall this is a great chapter. The first one was a little bit more engaging, but this one gives us quite a lot of insight into the dynamics of the school, the relationship between Amelia and Athena, and the atmosphere of the Wizarding World overall.

I love this! I hope you manage to update it soon (no pressure though).


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