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Reading Reviews for Unforgivable?
37 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Ohpl The End

2nd December 2016:
Loved this story. You have a real flair for writing interesting characters and dialogue .

Author's Response: Thanks so much, I'm glad you liked it! (and I really appreciate the specific compliment!) xx

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Review #2, by AdelineSterling The Wedding Day

29th November 2016:
I am so happy that I found this story again!! I loved it when it first came out and I love it even more now!! It's amazing!

Author's Response: Naw, thanks Adeline! I have just sent the final chapter in for validation, so if you come back you'll get to see how it ends! I'm glad that you have loved my story so much xoxo

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Review #3, by Ohpl The Curse

1st October 2016:
Love the story so far. Can't wait for your next update...

Author's Response: Wonderful!! The next chapter has just gone in for validation so it won't be long!

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Review #4, by Anonymous Muggle Finding Answers

3rd August 2016:
Yaaay! I'm thoroughly enjoying reading this.

The redemption of Draco is a wonderful theme, and you are treating it brilliantly. Yay!

P.S., the ring dropped in the bookstore was a beautiful scene. Yay!

Author's Response: I'm so glad you're enjoying the story! It's wonderful to get feedback, especially when it's so positive.
There should be a new chapter up once a week from now on (new semester resolutions) so stay tuned!
Cheers xx

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Review #5, by Anonymous Muggle An Unexpected Customer

3rd August 2016:
Heya, this is really great! I was almost going to take a break when I hit this chapter and the action started, and the intrigue deepened. Nice arc.

Loving it.

Author's Response: Cheers for the review, I', glad I got you to keep reading! I hope you enjoy the rest of the story.

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Review #6, by Erica Things to Celebrate

4th December 2015:

Author's Response: That review just made my day! I can't stop smiling now!! I'm glad you liked it Erica!!! :D

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Review #7, by Erica The Ministry: Part II

4th December 2015:
Super excited for the next chapter! You are doing a wonderful job with this fic!

Author's Response: Aw shucks! Thank you! :P

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Review #8, by TearsIMustConceal Dalloway's Bookstore

28th November 2015:

So, I have only just realised that you left me a review request back in June and I am so, so sorry that i'm only getting around to this now! As an apology, I will happily review some more chapters of this story because I really enjoyed the introduction and I can't wait to read more.

I was instantly intrigued by your summary and the whole 'fourth unforgivable curse' – I can't wait to see what it is what you do with it! I hope it's as dark and mysterious as I imagine it to be! And I'm also intrigued about how it connects to Draco – can't wait to see that play out in the later chapters!

And talking about Draco – he owns a bookstore (such a dream job!) which is quite interesting – I never really saw him as the type but then when I think about it, I feel like he has that understated, quiet intelligence and could see him interested in old, complicated tomes.

As for his disappearance from the magical world, I kind of love that and I can picture it quite easily – I feel as though after a while, the whispers and the looks would have eaten into him and disappearing was the best thing for him. Living amongst muggles? It's different but I guess Draco must have changed after the war and maybe he just wanted to blend in and live without judgement.

Okay, so he's a little out of character but it's a not stretch to see him in a different light and I can't imagine him being that friendly with muggles happened over night – I bet he's had to work on it which makes it seem more realistic than him instantly taking a liking to them!I would definitely like to see how he came to be there and the development of him adjusting to being around muggles and learning to interact with them.

McGonagall! I always love a good story that manages to make good ol' Minnie appear and her appearance was definitely a surprise! I love her introduction – reading an all time classic? It's something you could easily picture her doing. Her relationship with Draco is sweet – she's a caring woman and quite fair and I can see her having been able to forgive his past discrepancies, due to his upbringing and the influence his father had on him. I can see the pair having really intellectual conversations, especially about literature and I find that quite sweet!

His relationship with the little boy, Tom, is also very sweet! I've never seen Draco as that type of person, you know the type who can just easily bond with children but I like that he's got a connection with Tom. And Jim seems lovely and non judgemental – he seems to know Draco's type yet doesn't discriminate or keep his child away from him.

Overall, I really enjoyed the first chapter and your flow of the story is excellent. There is a perfect mix of both dialogue and description, not too much, not too little and I think it's perfectly set out. I can't wait to read the next chapter!


Author's Response: Hi Vicki!
Thanks for the review, I'm so glad that you liked the first chapter. I hope the rest lives up to your expectations!
To be honest I'd forgotten about the request too! :D The story has come a long way since then!

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Review #9, by Erica The Ministry: Part I

13th October 2015:
Awwh what a sweet chapter! Just how I imagined it would happen! Great job!

Author's Response: Naw thanks Erica! I'm glad you were thinking along the same lines! Part II should be written this weekend I hope!? Uni life is catching up with me... Procrastination is no longer an option!!
Cheers, G xx

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Review #10, by FREDDIE The Ministry: Part I

29th September 2015:
Don't stop now that you have such ked us into the picture of Macy's life.

Author's Response: Don't worry, I have the whole thing planned out and I wouldn't leave you lot with an unfinished story. I have read so many that just stop and it is one of the worst things!
I assume you're phone has autocorrect or something and Macy means Draco... :)

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Review #11, by Dirigible_Plums Truth be Told

23rd September 2015:

It's Plums here with your requested review. I have to admit that I haven't read the rest of the chapters, mainly because I'm preparing for Eid at the moment and don't have much time to do it.

So on the request, you said that you were concerned about whether you managed to successfully condense Draco's part in the war in the chapter properly. I don't think you have anything to worry about since you've managed to sum it up pretty neatly without missing anything out. I'm not quite sure how many years it's been since the final battle, but either way, I don't think that he'd admit to his complete history with Harry etc. etc. One thing I'd suggest as an improvement with this is actually going into a little further depth about how Voldemort and the Death Eaters terrorised the magical world. I think it'd really help make the chapter seem extremely tense which I imagine is your purpose.

This story seems like an interesting idea. The thought that Draco ran away to the Muggle world and actually came to enjoy it really shows how the war affected him and it's nice to see a more favourable aspect of his character.

I think that one thing you need to look out for is commas. I'm not the best at commas myself, but I've seen a few skipped out before "but"s and the like.

Hope this helped! :)

Plums xo

Author's Response: Thanks Plums! It's great to have some feedback on that, I will have a think.

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Review #12, by Erica Truth be Told

21st September 2015:
Super emotional! Well done. I'mreally liking where this is going. Thanx for the shoutout btw! I'm happy to write reviews for stories I really like! I've had so many stories that I've read that have been abandoned half way through so I'm glad you are sticking to it so I don't have to make up my own ending. Happy writing :)

Author's Response: Thanks! I can promise you I have the ending all planned out! I'm glad you liked the chapter, the next should be up soonish!
G xx

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Review #13, by Tam At the Beach

9th September 2015:
Why don't they kiss?

Author's Response: Oh I am absolutely sure they have... Multiple times. ;) I just don't tend to write it. That sort of stuff is personal you know? Maybe if it fits the moment really well I might give it a go.

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Review #14, by Tim Experiments

4th September 2015:
I keep rereading your other chapters till you post a new on. Great job!

Author's Response: Naw that's so sweet of you! For that I might try and write the next one sometime this coming weekend. Life is hectic though so I can't promise! I'm glad you're liking it this much!

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Review #15, by Erica Experiments

26th August 2015:
this chapter was definitely a neat one. I'm excited to see where the whole photograph thing goes!

Author's Response: I'm glad you're curious, so am I! The idea just hit me and I figured it would work its way into something... Fingers crossed anyway. Sorry it took so long to write back. I'm on a hiatus (you've probably noticed!) but I promise I will keep writing eventually! I've got the whole story mapped out - I just wish life would slow down a bit! It's so sweet that you've left several reviews, it's nice to know that you're following the story.
Thanks for the review!
G xo

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Review #16, by cherry_pop94 Chatty Unspeakables

19th August 2015:

I'm sorry it's been so while, but real life has finally caught up to my skillful evading and was demanding to be dealt with.

Anyway, I really enjoyed this chapter. The description of the Department of Mysteries was really great at the beginning, though I would get rid or somehow integrate the part in the parenthesis. The syntax there just doesn't quite work for me. Still, I love how you described the desks and the clutter! It's perfect for a wizarding research facility!

I'm very curious about the research in question as well! They are definitely working on this really interesting and likely infuriating aspect of magic. It must be such a logistical nightmare dealing with matters of protective enchantments when magic dies with the caster!

It's also such a unique topic to write about. I've thought about that dilemma as well, and it sort of features in one of my stories where a character is being hunted down to break a protective enchantment she cast. But this is such a great way to tackle it! Magical research must be such a compelling part of that world!

Anyway, I'm very excited to see where this goes and I'll be back soon!


Author's Response: Hi Stefanie!!
I'm so sorry I've taken so long to get back to you! Thank you so much for leaving yet another lovely review. This was such a fun chapter to write, I am fascinated by the logistics of magic. What rules there are and how to break them etc (the engineering side of me is definitely coming out ;) ). I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks about the hows and whys!
G xo

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Review #17, by Maggie The Fourth Unforgivable Curse

19th August 2015:
Waiting for the next chapter!

Author's Response: Hi hi!! I am so sorry about the wait, tests etc! The next chapter is in the queue now. :D

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Review #18, by Erica The Fourth Unforgivable Curse

7th August 2015:
Ahh some explanation! Really saddens me that a father would do that to his son but then it is Lucius Malloy after all. This is a great fic keep writing!

Author's Response: Cheers for the review! It's taken a long time to get to the explaining bit... The next chapter is half done.

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Review #19, by cherry_pop94 Revelations

29th July 2015:
Hello! I'm back for another review. Sorry I've been away for so long!

I already knew something big was happening in this chapter, as you mentioned in your request, so I was bursting with anticipation as I read! I pretty much guessed what the big reveal would be, but still, I was pleasantly surprised by how it turned out.

I liked how it was just a slip up from Draco, no dramatic reveal or anything. And the boat - that's just so sweet and romantic. Both of them coming from big pureblood manors, I can imagine that the boat (and the little flats they live in) are hugely different.

I really like how lightly Astoria takes it. She doesn't bring up the Malfoy past that I'm sure she knows about. She just laughs thinking how funny it is that they both thought the other was a muggle. And she's right, it is a funny a situation. But I also understand Draco's point of view. He's been trying his hardest to hide from the muggle world and he's not sure if Astoria will understand that need.

The one thing about this chapter I would say, is that the part where Astoria puts two and two together and realizes that he's Draco Malfoy is a little confusingly worded. I had to read it a few times to understand that she was sort of there mentally kicking herself for not realizing that this Draco was Draco Malfoy. It makes sense, but the writing was a little confusing.

Also, the exclamation point near the beginning, "otherwise food never would have been a happening thing!" is a little strange also. Obviously this is just my opinion, but exclamation points in prose feels disjointed to me.

Still, this was a really great chapter and I will be back to read the rest! I'm still really curious about Narcissa!


Author's Response: Hi Stefanie!
Thanks for the comment about the confusing wording, that was the part that I was concerned about so I'll have a think as to how I might do it better when I get around to editing.
Thank you so much for all the time you've spent reviewing my little story, the feedback is much appreciated and it is really wonderful to know that you are enjoying it. You'll have to read on to find out what's up with Narcissa! ;) Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I hope you enjoy the rest of it!
G xx

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Review #20, by Erica At the Beach

24th July 2015:
So cute! Excited for the next chapter :)

Author's Response: Thanks! I'll get around to it soonish! :D

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Review #21, by cherry_pop94 The Love Bug

20th July 2015:
Hello there! I'm back again!

This was a really sweet little chapter. I love the description of what Tom's neighbourhood looks like with the well manicured lawns, and flowers and children. It sort of reminded me of the Dursley's neighbourhood, but with a sweeter charm to it.

I think you could benefit from adding more description in though. You say that each house has a little charming personal bit to it, maybe describe it? Which house has toys littered on the lawn? Who's got a motorcycle in the driveway? Not necessarily those things, but you know what I mean. Just little details to really add character to the neighbourhood.

The ending was really sweet as well. And I'm really excited for what comes next for Draco and Astoria!

Thanks for sharing!


Author's Response: Hi hi! Thanks for the feedback, the description part seems to be a recurring thing so I'll have a looksie into that.
Cheers! xx

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Review #22, by cherry_pop94 A Letter to Azkaban

20th July 2015:
Hello! I'm back for another chapter. You mentioned in your request on my thread that there's a big change in chapter six that you're concerned about, so I'm still making my way up there! I haven't forgotten (but I do apologize that this is taking so long! I should be more speedy now!)

This chapter was very interesting! I really love the tone that Draco's letter is written in. I like how comfortable he is telling his mother that he's seeing a muggle girl. I suppose Narcissa can't do anything about it though, but I've always believed that they are extremely close. I imagine that Narcissa would give up her prejudiced views for her only child to be happy.

And Narcissa's situation is so curious! I mean... why is her prison cell so comfortable? Why does she get special treatment? I don't think it's because of her wealth, perhaps she knows something? Maybe she isn't being punished so much as being protected from something? It's making me very eager for the next chapter and I'm also still really excited for how you introduce the Fourth Unforgivable spell. Perhaps that has something to do with Narcissa's predicament?

I'll be back soon for another chapter!


Author's Response: Hi Stefanie! Thanks for the review, I'm glad you liked the chapter.
G xx

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Review #23, by Aurora The Gazebo

13th July 2015:
I love how you make draco's feelings come alive in this story. It makes him seem more human and I love it :)

Author's Response: I'm glad! Thanks for the review! :D

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Review #24, by Angie An Unexpected Customer

9th July 2015:
Hello?? I've really liked your story so far. Are you posting more chapters?? I'm intrigued!!

Author's Response: Yes, I sent one into the queue today! It should be up soon! I'm glad you like my story!xx

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Review #25, by cherry_pop94 The Possibly-Sort-of-Date

9th July 2015:
Oh god that's adorable. I love the ending with Draco just staring at the piece of paper with her name written on it. Sorry, if you mentioned this before, but does the paper have her full name on it? Because unless Tori's changed her surname, she's a Greengrass and Draco would recognize that surname for sure.

The bit with Tori owning an owl was really kind of funny. I feel like Draco has to be catching on! I mean, who has a pet owl??

As for his character, it still feels slightly strange that he's done such a 180 from who he was before. Though, he still has that charm and arrogance to him. I think you'd do well to bring up that arrogance a little more. It would of course be subdued a bit at this point, but I think Draco would still have that prideful edge to him.

Also, at one point you broke Draco's dialogue into two bits.

“Well, I tried twice, and was never able to get far past Dantes escaping the Chateau d’If. But I do know the story quite well. The film was brilliant.”

“I have read most of the books in the shop, and those that I haven’t I give to someone else to review. I’ve found that there are a few too many for me to get through even after all these years.”

It's a little confusing to format it like this since it seems like Tori is saying the next bit.

Again, I really liked this chapter. It was sweet and cute and I love Draco/Astoria. I'm writing about Astoria Greengrass right now as well, though my story about her is quite a bit more violent than this.

Thanks for sharing!


Author's Response: Hello again! It seems I must do a little clarification - the name on the paper is what the person introduces themselves as, so it would read simply 'Tori'. I will have to do a bit of editing to make this clear... :) Cheers for pointing that out!
As to Draco recognising Tori, a quote from the first Chapter: "You would be surprised at how many people are blind to what they don't expect to see."
Thanks for the review!

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