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Reading Reviews for Astoria's World
  
2 Reviews Found

Review #1, by MargaretLane Just the beginning

19th March 2015:
Hmm, the fact that Astoria's mother is screaming right at the beginning COULD be an indication of her character. Now, of course, it's POSSIBLE she's just been calling Astoria repeatedly and is getting irritated, but it's also possible she's the type of person to scream a lot.

And the next sentence answers that.

"Astoria rolled her eyes" and "her mother was always yelling" sound be two separate sentences.

There should also be inverted commas around each time somebody speaks. Like "Astoria. Are you ready yet?" screamed her mother.

Oh, Astoria is in Draco's year in this?

And of course, a family like the Greengrasses would be likely to have a house elf!

You've written "a house elf leded them" instead of "a house elf led them".

I like the way Draco's way of speaking imitates that of his father. It's a reminder that he is sort of imitating his father and trying to be the same type of person, which we all know will have pretty horrible consequences.

For the HPFF Fundraiser.

Author's Response: Thank you for the suggestions and I will try and change them soon.

*Ginny Padfoot*


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Review #2, by Violet Potter 434 The Decsion

4th March 2015:
hey I like your story, its got some good potential
I ould like to ask two questions though
1) how come you don't use speech marks
2) why is Astoria suddenly at Hogwarts
hope you keep writing soon
from me x

Author's Response: Thanks
I forgot to use them.
Why Astoria is at Hogwarts will be explained in the next chapter.
Thanks I will try and keep writing but I have school and everything to keep with so the next chapter will coming out soon!
Thanks for Reviewing!
Ginny Padfoot
Ginny


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