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Reading Reviews for Light It Up
  
1 Reviews Found

Review #1, by NarglesAreReal11 The Spark

22nd January 2015:
This, for a first chapter, moved so fast. This is not Hermione. She would never act like this. She's just moving from one boy to the next.

I see that Hermione is upset by Harry and Ron's behavior, but this has gone far beyond realistic. I suggest you abandon the chapter and start out by setting up the position that Hermione is in. She is upset by the boys fighting. she is tired of living by the rules. You can portray this in a scene where she does something impractical. Like wander in the halls or get soaked in the rain, maybe accompanied by Draco Malfoy. But no kissing yet. I mean this is ridiculous. Recollect your thoughts. I've done this before, seen events move to fast. Start small. Edit to prevent run on sentences.

Author's Response: Ok, but I am really just writing for fun. I'll get better as I go on with more stories, I'm just writing for fun. Plus I'm too lazy to change everything. Sorry, you should go burn time with other, more important and experienced authors on here.

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