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Reading Reviews for Not entirely true
  
22 Reviews Found

Review #1, by long_live_luna_bellatrix Truth Is Out

20th March 2015:
Hey, I'm here for the Blue v. Bronze review battle.

I'm always curious when it comes to stories about wizards explaining their life to Muggles, as it must be such a difficult and delicate process. So already, I'm intrigued by your story. I think it's adorable that Josh and Maddie have remained friends for so long, and that now that he's an adult, he wants to share his world with her. I was a little surprised that he got permission from the Minister for her to come to the World Cup; I thought the secrecy laws of the wizarding world were stricter than that, and that Josh maybe shouldn't be telling Maddie anything about magic at all. But at the same time, I'm happy to go along with it for the sake of the story.

I'm curious as to why you decided that Maddie would be five years older than Josh. It makes for a slightly more interesting relationship, I suppose, but I'm still wondering if there's another reason. At first I was skeptical; a ten-year-old befriending a five-year-old? But your description actually makes a lot of sense: there are definitely people out there who naturally find themselves drawn to those who are weaker than them. I hope we continue to see that side of Maddie throughout the story. I'm not sure if she would have been aware of that part of herself at such a young age; I'd imagine it to be more of an unconscious thing. That was the one place I was a little skeptical.

I have to say, I'm in awe of you for writing in a language that's not your natural one. Do you mind me asking what your first language is? Purely out of curiosity. I'm majorly in awe of you. This story reads quite well, you did a great job.

Overall, a good start to a story!

-lllb

Author's Response: Hi!

I've been taking a break from HPFF, so I'm terribly to answer your review after 9 months. I'm actually ashamed.

Thank you for your review. Thinking back on the story I still suport the idea of Josh being allowed to take Maddie to see the Quidditch Cup. I just think that someone people are truthworthy enough to be told big secrets like that. And I hope in my sequel to this story I will prove that Maddie was one of those people.

And thank you! It means a lot! I'm from Poland :3

-- Monika


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Review #2, by Veritaserum27 “I hope you don’t support Bulgaria”

13th March 2015:
Hi There Monika,

Here from the Ravenclaw common room for the BvB!

I'm really getting into this story. You've got such a unique idea here and it is different from most of the stories that I'm reading. You've set a nice tone with Maddie and Josh and I love reading about the trio and the other characters from the books after the war.

I feel like this chapter is where there is a lot of set up for the various story lines. We've got Draco and Astoria who aren't on the best of terms (hmmm - I feel like there might have been some foreshadowing with Draco and Maddie possibly). Then we see that Ron and Hermione are having a bit of a spat - and apparently Ginny is taking sides. You wrote Luna very well and I loved your description of The Quibbler stand.

Actually, I loved all of your descriptions - I can tell that this story was well thought out and there seems to be a LOT more to come. I think my very favorite part was when Maddie asked Josh if his wand had a name - I laughed out loud at that!

The only part that seemed a bit off was the part with George talking about how Harry had to stand up to the Minister of Magic to allow Maddie to come. Maybe it was the way I was reading it, but it came off as a tiny bit sinister - not like the fun-loving George that we all know. Also, I didn't think Harry would have mentioned it himself, later on in the chapter to Maddie that he had to fight to get her there. Harry is usually pretty considerate and wouldn't boast about using his position as "the chosen one" to help out a friend. These are really small things, but they stood out to me.

This was a really great chapter and I loved the fact that Maddie and Josh had an awkward moment when they thought the other one might be interested. It made me laugh along with them! I think there might be other love interests for each of them and I can't wait to see how Maddie fares on her own as Josh begins his work!

Great job!

♥ Beth

Author's Response: Hello Beth!

Thank you so much for your review! Everything you said was so nice that it gave me power to keep writing :)

For the George part I meant for him to fake seriousness, but I guess that didn't work :D And Harry... yes, the books are called "Harry Potter and ...", but I never really liked him or fully understood him lol. So what he does and says might be a little off.

Thank you again, I appreciate all the nice comments!

Monika


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Review #3, by chinaglaze Toast to that

12th March 2015:
Hi, here from the BvB battle;

I’m really glad to be reviewing another chapter of this story. I’m liking Maddie and Josh even more, and considering English is not your first language ( or maybe because of it) the writing is generally very clearly written and easy to read and follow. You've got a good amount of description in here, not too much, but enough.

I’m loving the hint of sexual attraction that is just beginning to be evident, so I’m already hoping that these two will get together, but it’s not yet obvious and anything could still happen. You give lovely descriptions of Maddie’s excitement and delight at discovering the magical world.

There are just a couple of phrases that I would point out;
This one; “No one would call her slim, but this dress made her look very skinny.” It's not quite clear what you mean. Normally if you say “No one would call her slim”, you would be saying she is quite well built, and I’m pretty sure that isn’t what you mean. In fact, saying, “no one would call her fat” might fit better.

“It's all she's been doing today,” – there is a change from past to present tense here.

“why she would rarely smile with her teeth.” That makes her sound a bit like a vampire! – I think you mean that she didn’t like to show her teeth when she smiled

Anyway, I’m enjoying this story very much and I hope to come back and review more chapters.

Author's Response: Hey, thank you for reviewing!

I'm going to fix the grammar and language mistakes, thank you for pointing them out. And I'm still laughing about accidentally making my sweet Maddie look like a vampire :D And yes, I didn't mean to make her well built, what I meant was that she wasn't a typical slender girl :) I will fix that as well!

Thank you!
Monika



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Review #4, by FireOpalQueen Will You Marry Me?

10th March 2015:
Hello there! This is FireOpalQueen who’s (finally) here for your requested review! I decided to review chapter 5, because it was the latest when I started writing this review. I’m so slow that chapter 6 is already up, so… sorry about that.

Overall, this story is very well written and engaging, and you’ve really managed to breathe life into your OCs. Actually, the biggest problem with this story, in my opinion, is a very uncommon one: your OCs are more well developed than the Canon characters! I love all the Maddie/Josh interactions (and while I was initially hoping for a romance between them and thought you were hinting that way, I can definitely accept them as just friends – we need more stories where a man and a woman can be just that!), but in these latter chapters I think Maddie’s interactions with her romantic/sexual interests – that is, Draco and Ron – are a bit hard to get a grip on as a reader.

The encounter with Draco in chapter 4 is very uncomfortable and confusing, but I imagine that that is in part what you are going for. But with Ron I find myself not intrigued but just confused. I can understand him and Hermione breaking up (temporarily? Is this story Canon compliant?) and him being on the rebound, but it’s unclear what makes him go after Maddie. Is she just that good-looking?

But I trust that you know where you’re going and that everything will be revealed in time. This feels like a very well-built story, and I am delighted to see where old friends are in their life, as well as to see where the story is going. I’ll definitely keep reading!

Author's Response: Hello,

thank you so much for reading five chapter! I appreciate it greatly.

When I started writing this story I really wanted it to focus around my OC (Maddie) and used HP world as some kind of an excuse to write this story. I thought Maddie through (and Josh, though I admit I was less focused on him), so I'm still considering the fact that my OCs are more well developed than canon character a compliment :D I hope this proves that Maddie is not the mean to write a story, she is the reason why I wanted to do it :)

As for what's going on between her and Ron - I do hope you get to read Chapter 6 and then please let me know (even in one short sentence) if I have answered your question about why Ron chose Maddie.

And the biggest yay of course is for you not getting bored when reading my story (unless you were being polite and didn't want to say it haha).

Thank you again!

Monika


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Review #5, by chinaglaze Truth Is Out

9th March 2015:
Hi there, reviewing from the BvB review game; chapter 1.

I really like these original characters. Both Maddie and Josh are very likeable and I want to know more about them. It is interesting that immediately we know that Maddie is someone who takes care of those she sees as vulnerable. That makes her a bit special already. As you have introduced this fact about her, it needs to be an important factor in the story.

Massive kudos to you for writing in a language which is not your first; it’s something I could never do, so I have great respect for you! There are places where I can tell this isn’t your first language. It’s not always a bad thing, it can give an unusual and poetic quality to the prose although there are a few passages that feel a little strange. For instance “She never saw him being so stressed out” is a little ambiguous; I think perhaps you mean “she had never seen him so stressed out”?

I would like to see rather more description. I know it’s a balancing act between having too much and not enough, but I think you could do with more; both in terms of external descriptions – sights, smells, sounds etc, and more of a sense of their internal feelings and thoughts. You describe Josh’s appearance and clothes, and I guess the girl with dyed blonde hair is Maddie? You tell us the weather is good when they meet, but not very much else. So although you have made it interesting enough to read on (and I will), I haven't yet got much of a feeling of who these people really are.

Author's Response: Hey!

Thank you for your review :)

Some really useful points there. I guess I avoided writing descriptions for as long as I could, but I think you will like further chapter more as I wrote more descriptions there.

And I just love getting reviews; yours is the second one within a week that gave an idea of how I could handle a certain situation in the chapter I'm writing, so massive thank you :D

Monika


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Review #6, by Veritaserum27 Toast to that

7th March 2015:
Hi there Monika!

I came back for the second chapter for the BvB!

Now we're getting to the heart of the story. Maddie seems to be over her initial shock about learning Josh's secret and now she's just plain interested in everything magical. I'm curious to know what she will do the first time she sees Josh perform magic.

And haha! All the questions I asked at the end of my last review were answered. Josh was in Ravenclaw (of course :) ) and he is friends with Luna, but bit younger. He was probably too young to be in the battle of Hogwarts, but maybe not.

Poor Maddie - I would probably think my friend was playing a joke on me if he took me down a dark alleyway and asked me to hold on to a disgusting blanket - gross! I laughed when Josh dried Maddie's dresses and she just thought they dried on their own. She's got a lot to learn about magic.

I'm excited to read the next chapter to see what happens when Maddie meets some other magical folks and who else will be in this story!

♥ Beth

Author's Response: Hey Beth!

Ravenclaw ftw, though I have a soft spot for Hufflepuff, too. But for some reason when I thought of Josh, I thought he would be in Ravenclaw and the rest of came naturally :)

Thank you for your lovely review!

Monika


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Review #7, by Veritaserum27 Truth Is Out

7th March 2015:
Hi there Monika!

I'm here for the BvB. I'm so excited to finally read and review your main story.

This is a really cool premise here. I really like to read stories that are set on the fringe of the books and this is very promising. It sounds like it is set sometime after the end of book seven (but before the epilogue because Harry and Ginny aren't married yet). I'm curious how much older Ginny is than Joshua and if he was a part of the final battle of Hogwarts or not. I also want to know more about him - what house was he in? Were any of his friends from the books? Was he good at quidditch? I guess I'll just have to read more to find out!

Maddie seems like a really sweet character. She really is taking finding out about the wizarding world very well. I would be completely shocked if the younger boy from my neighborhood told me he was a wizard and there was an entire magical world out there! I'm glad she's getting out of her dead-end job - it sounds like this quidditch opportunity came around just in time for both of them!

♥ Beth

Author's Response: Hi Beth!

Your review just gave me an excellent idea of what could happen in the chapter I'm writing now, so thank you! :D

I'm so happy you picked up the job plot - yes, Maddie is ambitious and hard-working and the job she is doing is just draining the life out of her. Josh came to her rescue, as she came to his rescue many years ago :)

Thank you for reading!

Monika


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Review #8, by BellaLestrange87 Truth Is Out

7th March 2015:
This is for the Blue vs Bronze review battle (since you beat me to posting!)

I love the backstory you've established her for Maddie and Josh. Specifically, I love how even though they're going to different schools and he has to hide the fact that he's a wizard they still try to keep in touch. And, like many long-distance friendships, they ultimately end up getting distanced from each other. I love that they end up meeting up and getting to know each other again.

I love how confused Maddie is by Josh's revelation that he's a wizard. Since magic is, for her, something she's only heard about in fairy tales or fantasy books, it's probably never crossed her mind that it might be real. Her initial thought about why he might be saying this to her made me laugh.

I think you write their friendship really well. I love how supportive of Maddie Josh is, and how he's willing to be blunt about she's stuck in a dead-end job that isn't worth her time.

Maddie's apprehensiveness is perfect. Even though she knows a lot about the wizarding world, she hasn't actually been in it (I think) and the prospect of being immersed in it, full out, for three weeks straight is intimidating, as it would be for anyone.

I think you've got a great start here and I can't wait to read more!

~Olivia

Author's Response: Hey Olivia!

Haha, I haven't realized I beat you in posting, that must have been by seconds! Sorry :))

I'm really glad you enjoyed this chapter! When I was writing the part where Josh tells Maddie the truth and then her reaction to that, I was thinking about me and my friend. What would I tell him if he confessed he was a wizard :D I'm happy it worked for Maddie and Josh as well!

Maddie is up for many heart attacks during her time in Josh's world, but I think that in the end she won't regret it!

Thank you so much for reading,
Monika


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Review #9, by Infinityx Truth Is Out

5th March 2015:
Hi! Here for the BvB!

I was drawn to this story the minute I saw the summary. I mean, two friends, one Muggle and the other a wizard? Brilliant premise there.

I like how you've kind of set the mood for this story. It seemed a bit fast paced but it did the trick. I'm guessing there's going to be a lot more fun in the following chapters.

Maddie is such an interesting character. The way she's described as wanting to help someone who's weaker than her is so different and I don't know what to make of it yet. On one side, she seems judgmental but on the other, she seems like a really caring, insightful person. And she accepted that Josh was a wizard so easily! That certainly indicates towards an open mind.

I love that there isn't any romance between them. Yet, at least. There are too few stories that focus primarily on friendship and I'm really intrigued to see where this will go.

Great job with the first chapter! I'm going to read on now. :)

Author's Response: Hello!

Thank you for reviewing this story. I'm glad you think the fast pace worked! That's a relief to get at least one positive comment on something that I thought was a great idea haha.

Yes, I really wanted to write a story in which one of the main plots would be friendship between a boy and a girl. I myself have more male friends than female and I know they can be amazing friends, and, unlike girls, can give a totally different perspective on some matters. And Maddie is going to need a little guidance in further chapters :)

Monika


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Review #10, by Claire Evergreen Toast to that

4th March 2015:
Hey! Here from the BvB Review Battle!

Another great chapter! I'm really excited to see how you play out the whole Quidditch World Cup thing. I love Qudditch, so the fact that it's the one of the main points of the story makes me really happy!

I really like how you flesh out Maddie's character more in this chapter. I know I said in my last review that you tend to tell and not show, but I feel like really showed us more of Maddie's character in this chapter. The whole "checking the lock three times" thing really showed how she can be somewhat neurotic and then you also showed that she has a somewhat short temper, but is also quite open to new things. You never explicitly stated any of that in the chapter, but the way that you wrote things really conveyed those things to me at least, so wonderful job there!

There are certain places that you could really elaborate on things and focus on that showing, not telling idea. I didn't notice it much in this chapter except for the very beginning when they are still at Maddie's house. It's really little things, like showing Josh is displeased with the idea of Maddie wanting to be sexy by explaining his facial expressions or throwing in bits of his own internal thoughts. Like I said, this stuff was really minor, you still do a good job of writing this.

This is just a side note, but since I know that English is not your first language and most of your experience comes from speaking it, I was wondering if you had ever tried taking your chapter and putting it through Google translate with both boxes set to English? You could have it read out the chapter to you and that might help you with flow? I'm not saying that your flow is bad (it's actually really good and I'm still going to forever be impressed by your ability to write this story), but it was just something I was thinking of as I read.

Another great chapter! I'll have to come back for more!

-Claire

Author's Response: Hello Claire,

thank you for reviewing this chapter!

I tried doing more "showing" rather than "telling" in my latest chapter, I'm grateful you mentioned that in your previous review. Once I finish this story I will take time to re-write it and I will make sure to throw "showing" here and there :)

I never thought of running my chapters through google translator using English to English option. I just have the worst experience with it translating articles from other languages to English that I never thought to try it your way. I will most likely give it a short next time out of curiosity!

Thank you again,

Monika


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Review #11, by dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap Truth Is Out

4th March 2015:
Coming at you from the review tag!

This seems like a cute story. I like that your characters are OC's. I'm guilty of never really reading stories based on OC's so this was a nice change and I also like that Maddie is a muggle and is being introduced to the WW. You can see Josh really cares for her. They care for each other and it'll be interesting to see how she blends in and handles everything.

I will say I think the chapter is a little rushed. Try adding more depth to the characters and their conversations. I would have liked to know more about his thought process to tell her about his world because he is breaking the statute of secrecy by letting her know he's a wizard since she isn't related and they aren't dating or anything like that. So, why Maddie? Besides their friendship. Also, I would have liked more about what she was thinking because it kind of switched from at first she had a hard time accepted it to the next moment she was okay and heard everything about his world.

Author's Response: Hey! Thank you for reviewing this chapter!

I wanted the first chapter to be introductory to the rest of the story, but I didn't want give too many details that weren't that important. There is more of Maddie reacting to magic in further chapters, though ;)

I think the reason Josh chose her is because of their friendship and nothing else. He felt he owed her an explanation of what happened to him during the last seven years, because Maddie was so good to him when they were children. I think he fought really hard to get the permission to tell her everything, but he did it because Maddie meant so much to him :)

Thank you for reviewing!


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Review #12, by pottered  Truth Is Out

22nd February 2015:
hi pottered1 from the forums!
ooo so maddie is a muggle, and aw josh revealing the news to her that he's a wizard and then taking her to the Quidditch world cup. I understand why she seems really nervous at the start as Ofcourse, it's her first time entering the Wizarding world. I really liked how you didn't drag the past, and provided the back story quickly. But just one litte thing: I think you should add some little more depth in the characters, albeit I really liked them both and they seemed really realistic. also it was nicely described how both of their personalities are and how both of them are really close. I also liked how you skipped over the panicked and tantrum type part when maddie gets to know about the magic world.
It was a really good chapter, and intriguing enough that how the Quidditch world cup would pan out and what maddie's views would be about the magic world.
P.S. since English isn't your native language, and this is your first story in English, you're quite good with the grammar, so you needn't worry about that.
-M (: x

Author's Response: Hello!

Thank you for reviewing so quickly! The first chapter was written as sort of prologue, so hopefully next chapters reveal more about my characters and add enough depth in them :)

I thought I would skip the part where Josh explains Maddie everything from the past 25 years in the Wizarding World - i mean, we all know what happened and I felt it would just unnecessarily extend the story.

Thank you,
Monika


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Review #13, by Claire Evergreen Truth Is Out

20th February 2015:
Hey! Here for the BvB Review challenge!

I like the premise to your story. It's not the freshest topic to write about, but you handle it well and I like the direction you're taking it. The timing of it all is nice, I like how it balances the time between the actual canon books and Next Gen. Most of the things in this 'era' focus on the main HP characters, so I like how you added in your own OCs and made them the center of the story.

Just a few nitpicks: you do a really good job of providing backstory to your characters without getting too caught up and buried in it. The one thing I would say is that you do a bit more telling than showing. Maybe just throw in more of the characters thoughts and actions instead of just directly telling us what they are feeling. Like, if Maddie is nervous, give her a tell, like twisting her hair or twirling a ring on her fingers or biting her nails. Just something that shows the reader how she feels without having to explicitly state it.

You have a really nice setup for the rest of the story (I like how Josh is working with the Quidditch World Cup, that's really cool!), it just feels a little bit rushed in some places. Like, I said, you set up everything really nicely, I think you just tried to pack a lot into one chapter.

I do like your dialogue, though. It flows very nicely and fits in with the characters you have. I know I struggle with my own dialogue a lot, but yours is really believable!

I noticed in your chapter summary that you said this was your first story written in English and I have to say, if you hadn't put that in there I never would have guessed that English isn't your native language! The writing and mechanics really are spot on, so kudos to you for that! I don't think I'll ever have the talent to be able to write a short story in another language!

Overall, you have a wonderful setup to everything! Keep up the good work!

-Claire

Author's Response: Hello Claire!

Thank you for choosing this story to review!

What you wrote is really helpful, especially the part where you said I should do include more descriptions and thoughts. I will keep that in mind when I write more chapters :)

I guess dialogue is easier for me to write, because most of my experience with English is in fact talking to other people; only had proper English class for two years. I just realized that haha.

And thank you so much for being so nice about my language skills, it means a lot :)

Monika


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Review #14, by marissa lily potter “I hope you don’t support Bulgaria”

18th February 2015:
Hey there!

I had fun reading this chapter. It was nice to see old faces come back in. I like how you've kept the Quidditch World Cup canon but added your own details into it. I really like how you introduced the old characters like George, Ginny, Harry, Ron and Hermione to us.

Speaking of Hermione though, what's going on between her and Krum?? Haha that part really made me laugh.

Josh and Maddie seem more at ease with one another every chapter and I like that. The flow is a bit choppy in some places I think but that's because there's a lot of information to grasp onto at once. It's not awful but I thought I'd just mention that. :) I do like Josh and Maddie though and think that they feel really normal around one another. It's interesting to see that they do have an age gap but it doesn't stop them from being friends.

I really like how you introduced Ron to us. He was spot on and it made me laugh aloud at his abrasiveness. Ron is a funny character and you've done him justice so far. It's really great that you've started the World Cup right from the beginning! I always wondered what it would be like and now I get to read it through your story, which is lovely!

I hope Maddie meets new people. I like that her friendship with Josh is stable but with him starting his job at the World Cup, I feel like she might be bored so I hope she meets new people to be able to hang out with. Maddie is so open to magic and I'm pleased with the way you've written her to handle it. She's awed but also accepting. It's really fun to read Maddie's scenes and I'm very curious to see where her relationship with Josh goes haha.

This chapter had moments where it kept me interested and then others moments where I felt myself losing interest but, I think that's because of the back and forth dialogue without much description at the end. It was a little hard to follow with so many people talking at once but it wasn't too difficult. I did like the dialogue though and I thought it was really funny!

You've got a great start to this story and you're a fantastic writer. I had a pleasure being able to review your story!

~Marissa

Author's Response: Hello Marissa!

Thank you for reviewing :) I'm glad you enjoy the story, it feels great to read nice things about the story i put my heart into :)) Yes, the old characters are back - how could they not be, it's the World Cup ;)

And thank you for pointing out the flaws of my story, these are great tips for my future chapters!

I probably should have started with that, but THANK you so much for this: "you're a fantastic writer", that's so nice of you!

Monika


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Review #15, by marissa lily potter Toast to that

14th February 2015:
Hi I'm here to review. :)

The first chapter was really cute and I think this chapter was just as cute if not more. It's definitely interesting and I love where you're going with this. I know this chapter wasn't beta-ed so I won't comment on anything that would have been fixed with that. :) I do like Josh and Maddie so far. Their friendship seems to natural. Nothing seems forced between the two and that's always hard when you have characters with large age gaps but you're doing a perfectly great job with keeping up their friendship without it becoming awkward.

I'm glad that Maddie is taking things really well in the magical world and even so, Josh is being very careful about what he does and doesn't show her. Maddie's reaction to being shown blanket and told that it was going to take her to another place was very believable. If that happened to me, my first reaction would have been to assume I was being played and that would have made me angry so I know exactly where Maddie is coming from.

I'm glad that you've put in a lot of thought into Maddie's age and her life. It makes a lot of sense to see why Maddie lives where she does. You've made a lot of good connections and all the information you've presented so far has been consistent. I think that's really important. I am a stickler for consistency in stories and I understand that sometimes, we just forget because we write on different days and there might be large gaps between chapters but I'm so happy that you've been super consistent with the information you've presented to us.

I'm also glad that you're incorporating a lot of canon information into your story. Even though the fic is centred around original characters, it's always nice to see canon information. I love just how WELL you've incorporated this canon information. The small bits like portkeys and the tents looking small but actually being quite spacious on the inside really made me smile. It's the small details that really make a story in my mind and you're doing such a fantastic job incorporating small details into your story. The details also make it a lot easier to picture everything so keep up the great work!

I would definitely like to see more Josh/Maddie interaction but also conversations between Josh and other characters as well as Maddie and other characters. I mean, she's known Josh for a very long time so of course she trusts him but I would like to see how she reacts to other witches and wizards as well. I look forward to seeing how Maddie and Josh progress as characters.

This is quite a fun story to read!

~Marissa

Author's Response: Hello Marissa!

Thank you for reviewing the second chapter :) I appreciate it!

Firstly, I'm so happy you think that my story is consistent. That was one of the main doubts I had. With all the facts I have come up with that are in my head, it's really hard to say if everything I write about works as a whole.

The little canon add-ons are my favorite to write about. I just love placing them here and there and think of the way Maddie reacts to them all :) Further in the story I'm incorporating my own inventions, but I truly hope they fit in the world that amazing JK created for us.

And yes, in the next chapters there will be more interaction with other wizards and witches :] Some of them will be Maddie's great mistake... ;)

Monika


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Review #16, by marissa lily potter Truth Is Out

11th February 2015:
Heya!

What a fun start to a story! I am so glad that you put the background information right in the beginning because it seems like the story is going to focus mostly on what Maddie and Josh do in the Wizarding world as well as their relationship. So, it's good to have that information so that we have something to go off of.

I think it's so sweet that Maddie is like an older sister to Josh. She seemed very protective and I can totally understand where she's coming. Maddie is a cute, fun character. She and Josh's friendship is so complimentary. I really see how they work and how they've stayed friends after so many years. Even with Josh going off to school for 7 years and only being back for the summer months, I'm glad that they've continued their friendship. It really shows how close they are and having good character relationships is always important!

I love reading stories about OCs and I like that you've incorporated it so well into the canon HP world. It makes me happy to see this being based around original characters. :) Also, the Quidditch World Cup is such a good way to introduce Maddie into the Wizarding world! It's a fun event and even if you don't like sports, seeing people fly on a broom must be super intriguing. It's also a national event which is good for introducing Maddie to magic!

Speaking of introducing Maddie to magic, you did a pretty good job with explaining it. I always find that the scenes where a character explains to another character what magic is are super awkward but you skipped over the awkwardness and made it really believable. Maddie's reaction was perfect! It was such a legitimate concern that she had haha. She took it really well though and I'm glad that she was able to.

The relationship between Maddie and Josh is really sweet. I don't know how else to describe it because I can picture them perfectly. Even with the age gap, they're very fun and get along so well! You're doing such a good job with the characterizations. I know this was the first chapter but I'm looking forward to seeing more Josh/Maddie interactions.

I'm very excited to continue reading the story! Great first chapter! :)

~Marissa

Author's Response: Hello Marissa!
Thank you so much for your review and all the lovely comments :) I'm really happy you're enjoying the story so far and I hope it was interesting enough to make you keep reading :D
thank you!
Monika


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Review #17, by Unicorn_Charm Truth Is Out

23rd January 2015:
Hi there! I'm here for your requested review! :)

I really like the premise of this story! Two childhood friends, who were torn apart because one was a wizard, to reunite after he had graduated. It's such a cute idea! :)

You asked if the graphic was enough for the story, and I absolutely think it is. It's really quite beautiful! Did you do it yourself?

Your other concern was if your characters were believable. From what I've seen so for, yes, I do think they are believable. The only bit of cc I have, is possibly slow this chapter down just a bit. This was good and it gave a great introduction to the characters and their back stories, but some points, it seemed to move just a little too quickly. Perhaps the third section, when Josh had just graduated explain a little bit more as to exactly why he was in London and waiting for a train. What were his thoughts and what prompted him to leave and get a hold of Maddie. And when they're eating together, maybe a little bit more of a reaction from Maddie. Did she laugh? Was she afraid he lost his mind? Just maybe a little bit more description there.

Other than that, I thought this was good! :) You've definitely piqued my interest with this. I absolutely want to see a Muggle thrown into the wizarding world for the first time. I'm sure that a lot of funny things will end up happening there! :D

Thank you so much for requesting! I hope this was helpful and please feel free to come back and request more reviews! I would love to read more! ♥

xoxo Meg

Author's Response: Hey Meg!

I'm so happy I asked for reviews, because now I know that I definately need to improve on wiritng about my characters feelings :) though when I decided to just finish the paragraph with "are you high?!" I did that intentionally. I wanted the readers to let Maddie think whatever they thought would be appropriate in her situation :)

Thank you for reviewing! :)


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Review #18, by adluvshp Toast to that

23rd January 2015:
Hello! This time I'm here for your requested review on the forums =)

So far, I am really enjoying this story. Maddie's excitement at everything magical is infectious and I find myself smiling along as she discovers the awesomeness of magic. You've made her character quite believable and I feel I can connect with her.

Josh is also fun to read, I like how he cares so much for Maddie and is afraid to scare her. It's also interesting how they both do not apparently have feelings for each other, but I feel like they'd make a cute couple if they did go down that road.

I also find it nice how you've set the story against the backdrop of the Quidditch World Cup. I can just tell it's going to be a fun read =)

The only CC I have for this chapter is that your grammar was a bit off in some places - there were some issues with the tense switching from past to present and back occasionally. I'd suggest smoothing it over with another thorough read.

Besides that, it's a great story and I'm quite enjoying it! Feel free to re-request =)

Cheers!
AditiDraco95

Author's Response: Hello again!
I'm glad you can relate to Maddie, she is my first main OC and I wanted her to turn out believable. I just hope the readers won't stop liking her after what I had prepared for her (chapter 4!).

Thank you for your opinion on grammar in this chapter, my wonderful beta reader said she could help me with the first two chapters, so i definitely plan to revise them at some point! Plus I'm getting HP books in English tomorrow, so hopefully with my base reading in English will help me familiarize myself with grammar rules in practice :)
Thank you again!


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Review #19, by adluvshp Truth Is Out

23rd January 2015:
Hey! Here for review tag!

This seems like a very interesting premise for a story. I think it's a unique idea with a different plot - I've never come across a story that has been written from a Muggle's point of view entering the wizarding world.

I like Maddie's character, and Josh's as well. The way you portray their friendship is good too. I loved how Josh got Maddie to come with him to the World Cup by knowing someone who knew Ginny etc. Maddie's reactions were also quite realistic.

For CC, I'd say that I'd like to see a bit more description of their thoughts and feelings rather than just their actions. You've a good balance between narrative and dialogue but sometimes the narrative feels like it's just telling the story tonelessly. More emotions would definitely add colour to the story.

Besides that, your grammar and spelling were all good and the narrative flowed smoothly. I liked how you explained the past to present quickly yet in detail. The backstory is interesting and I'm curious to see where the plot is headed.

All in all, this made for an enjoyable read and is a good introductory chapter. I'll be back for more soon =)

Cheers!
AditiDraco95

Author's Response: Hey :)) thank you so much for reviewing!

As for the uniqueness of the story - I'm so happy to hear that, I had a feeling that throughout the years everything has been said and done, so I'm super happy to hear your find my story idea unique :)

When it comes to thoughts and emotions - today I thought exactly the same when I was reading other people's stories. I definitely need to add more of that, thank you for pointing it out :)


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Review #20, by tangledconstellations Toast to that

22nd January 2015:
Hey again!

I had some more time so figured I could go for the next chapter too!

I loved that Maddie got to see some real magic being performed. If I was her, I would be so excited and freaked out at the same time. It was believable when you said that Josh wouldn't want to use magic too much to scare her - but I thought when he dried her clothes and made her suitcase lighter it was really sweet!

There are a couple of grammatical errors so maybe getting a Beta reader on the forums would help you there. Sometimes it's good to get a once over on a chapter before submitting :) but this chapter was really nice and it'll be cool to see some Quidditch action soon!

Laura xxx ♥

Author's Response: Hey Laura!
Thank you so much for your reviews! The first two chapters weren't beta read, but all from the third on are and will be :)
I hope further chapters will give the readers better idea of Maddie and Josh and their relationship, they spend a lot of time together so writing more on them is inevitable :)
I'm writing 5th chapter and I plan to finally take everyone to the game, though I'm as scared about writing about a game as Maddie is about spending three weeks with wizards ;)


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Review #21, by tangledconstellations Truth Is Out

22nd January 2015:
Hey there!

Swinging by to leave you a review for Blue vs Bronze review tag. The premise for this story is really interesting - I've always wondered what would happen if a Muggle that wizards trusted is welcomed into the magical community. I can sense that later chapters are going to leave Maddie feeling very bewildered, especially as she's not totally up to speed just yet on Josh's situation. I think it's good that she's overwhelmed by it all, because it's such a genuine reaction! And right at the end there, it's so nice that she doesn't want to mess things up for him. That speaks ounces about their friendship.

Part of me wishes that I knew a bit more about the characters, though, and how their friendship works, what makes each other laugh etc. This is a good first chapter because you've set up the next one and you've given us a brief backstory for the characters, but I think at this point as a reader I want to understand them more. Saying that though you've already showed us some distinctions between Maddie and Josh, like their work ethic, for example. It'll be interesting to see how these elements come in to play in later chapters!


Congrats on posting your first fic - hopefully there are many more to come! :D

Laura xxx ♥

Author's Response: Hi Laura!

I know it's been a long time since you posted this review and I was still new to this so I answered your both reviewes in one comment. But every time I see that I have one unanswered review I feel bad for not replying. So here it is, after almost two months!

Thank you for reading my story!

I hope further chapter tell more about their friendship, even though it is not going to be the core of the story, but a friendly and nic addition, for Maddie's sake :)

Monika


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Review #22, by KiwiOliver Truth Is Out

13th January 2015:
First review on your first story? Too tempting!
I quite enjoyed the idea you had here, I always love putting muggles into the wizarding world. So many possibilities!
I think your characters sound pretty well thought out, I like how there's a big age gap that's not something I usually see.
Your writing style is quite fast paced, but it kind of works since this chapter was basically information the reader needs to know about the characters.
I'd take a look on the forums for a Beta reader, someone who can spot a couple of grammar mistakes and teach you how to avoid them.
Overall you've got the makings of an awesome story! And I'll be sure to come back and read the rest!
KO

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review! I'm happy you liked my characters. The most important thing to me when writing the story was to make my characters believable :)
As soon as I get home I will do as you advised and look for a Beta reader. I would hate it if people didn't read my story because of some minor, but distracting grammar mistakes.
Thank you again for taking the time and reviewing my story :)


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