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Reading Reviews for Victoire
  
49 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Owlpost68 The Guard

15th January 2016:
Wow, that was really cool. I mean it was really interesting to read how Azkaban was after the dementors. I hadn't thought of that. It was also interesting to read about McClaggon (don't remember the spelling) and Romilda, that was a great idea. I feel really sorry for him and sort of think Harry and Ron would have moved on from their school days. It's a bit harsh to make him stay there because of a grudge. What I really liked was that even though you actually didn't write much about Vic and Teddy, it's clear how close they are. He must have been brought up at her house as well as Harry's and his Grandmother. It's really sweet.
Great job!
Another review for team Gold!

Author's Response: Hello! I'm so glad to hear you enjoyed reading :)

I really enjoyed writing Cormac. I know it seems kind of petty of Harry and Ron, but I always think Ron's really childish in the books and would get quite a lot of amusement out of holding back a rival. Also, McLaggen's much less competent than he thinks he is, so it's not all down to Harry and Ron being unfair.

I loveee writing Vic and Teddy's friendship. It's been a while since I worked on this story, but I've had lots of fun with them in scenes in future chapters.

Thanks for a lovely review! Emma x


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Review #2, by BookDinosaur Uncle Harry's Warning

11th September 2015:
HEY AGAIN

I'm so sorry I haven't come back sooner? This tab has legit been sitting open on my computer since probably that time I reviewed Chapter One, but I managed to be extra-super-amazingly unproductive and not do anything about it. However, exam week is now over and I am BACK to read and review because I really enjoyed the fist chapter, and I apologise for taking so long to get to this one (goodness only knows when I'll get to the third one??).

That was such a long introduction. Am I ever going to learn become concise?

Ugh, that's so awful for Izzy, ugh ew D: I mean, whoever did that - it's honestly awful, to think of your dead body being photographed and used to terrorise someone you love. Even when you're dead you can be used against her. But the last note was so cryptic, and while it gives us hope (he's alive!!) it's also vaguely terrifying, because Izzy's poor bother is in the hands of these weird sadistic kills with no clear motive? I love the way you set this up in the story, and I'm both excited and apprehensive as to where you take this.

Ah, RAVENCLAW STUDYING SESSION. Okay, this is probably me being more than a little weird, but I absolutely love love love that you show the way that these Ravenclaws study together and use each other's skills and bounce off each other - you write it so well, and it rings absolutely true, this is very similar to what I do with my friends. And point two is just I appreciate so much that you're making schoolwork a large part of their lives at Hogwarts. In canon, JK had a lot of scenes which mentioned or involved schoolwork, and I feel like that's often glossed over in fanfic in favour of, idk, Hogwarts Drama with a capital D. So I just really love that you included this study session in the chapter. :D

“Google?” Victoire wrinkled her nose. It was a silly word.
bless Victoire and her muggle-cluelessness

Ooh, and this quote: As far as she could see, they weren’t really in any danger. As far as I can see that means she's in danger but doesn't know it yet. :P

I really liked the Watchdog scene - I really like the way you incorporate different types of media into this story, like the newspaper article last chapter and now this radio interview. It makes things more interesting and provides a different perspective of events that just Victoire's POV could provide us with. And you slip them into the chapters really easily so that the flow isn't disrupted at all, and basically I'm super jealous of your skills.

Last thing before I finish this probably-already-too-long review: The quote that Victoire says about Hermione - "She doesn’t like people to let their emotional responses to the world drive their moral standpoints." It sounds exactly like Hermione. Like, you've managed to nail her characterisation, and she's not even in the scene. What is the witchcraft??

I really enjoyed this chapter! I love how you're developing your characters and how you're taking time to allow the plot to unfold slowly and naturally. I'm looking forward to reading on!


emily

Author's Response: Emily! I thought I'd replied to this ages ago but somehow I haven't and I'm sorry for that. This was such a wonderful review, thank you so so much.

I'm having so much fun writing Ravenclaws and thinking about the Hogwarts curriculum. It's something I've pretty much ignored in my WIP but I'm really enjoying it here.

And I'm glad you liked Watchdog! I wanted to put in a bit of Lee Jordan and it felt like a nice way to explain some of the background info. Thank you for enjoying it :)

Ahhh thank you so so much for such a lovely review! Sorry for being so slow to reply. I've written most of this story but the next chapter needs quite a lot of refining before it can be posted so not sure when I'll update but it'll hopefully be soon.

Emma xx


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Review #3, by TidalDragon Velvela Grey

23rd August 2015:
Ahh the introduction of an intriguing character that certainly adds to the mystery! I'm sure the Ministry will be investigating this "Velvela" individual for a possible connection to the slayings. Or is this merely a set-up to make us all believe Velvela is somehow involved, only for her to be a mere fameseeker whose proclaimed background is a lie. But you are planting the seed of something more or a red herring and it's not immediately clear, so you've done well to give her a voice and opinions, but still keep it cleverly vague enough to make her role an open question.

Only CC would be that Marko's voice seems to change strangely from much more formal to much less in a very short span of time in this chapter. I gathered that his accent worsens when he's upset (and perhaps he gets more formal as a result?), but it just seemed there was a rapid jump.

Also, because I have to ask about all these professors: (1) why do you think all the other professors are gone, given the long life-span of witches and wizards and (2) why nobody from an older generation than Harry's - war casualties, disinterest, lack of qualifications? It's a minor point, but I need your thoughts on this!

Thanks for sharing this great story, it's off to a stupendous start and this time, I AM adding it to my reading list!

Author's Response: Velvela's definitely going to appear more later, and you've picked up on everything I hoped you would from her so thanks so much for that!

Arghh I totally agree about Marko's voice, I've had a total nightmare writing this. It originally had a very badly written Bulgarian accent but I struggled with that and didn't think it was convincing at all, so now I've tried to go for less confidence in his English speaking instead, which manifests itself in more formal language, but I completely agree that it feels jumpy. It's definitely something I'd like to come back to and improve once I figure out how to do it. Thanks for pointing that out.

And I just sort of attempted to answer your question about the professors in my last response, so hopefully hopefully that makes sense, but let me know if not and I'll try again :)

Honestly, thank you so so much for these reviews. It's so kind of you to think so carefully about your feedback and I really appreciate it. Emma xx


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Review #4, by TidalDragon The Dream

22nd August 2015:
Hello again!

I gather the dream is going to prove quite important somehow given that it's: (1) titular and (2) seeming the central event of substance in this chapter. I'm interested to see what comes of it.

Before getting to the good, I did notice there seems to be quite a critical mass of students from Harry's time at Hogwarts taking up professorships at Hogwarts. For some reason Corner didn't register to me before (or I'd forgotten if it was laid out in Chapter 1), but somehow it just rings a little odd to me that there'd be so many if it is Michael Corner.

Anyway...my favorite thing about this chapter was the way it showcased your skill with dialogue. Dialogue dominated this chapter more than some of the prior ones and it's always a challenge to: (1) keep it interesting and (2) maintain consistent, yet differentiable voices. But I think you did an IMPECCABLE job of it. And some of the body language and movement that is ignored or left bland by other authors was dealt with really nicely too, indicating strength of connections beyond conversations or time spent together, which I think is very next-level of you to nail so well.

See you in Chapter 4!

Author's Response: And again - thank you so much for taking the time to review. I didn't expect you to do more than one chapter so that's super kind of you.

Oo, okay, Harry's contemporaries being teachers...I've thought quite a bit about this and still haven't quite worked out whether I like it. Essentially I think that Harry's school peers would have been heavily involved in rebuilding Hogwarts after the war, and would have been extremely invested in preserving it as the magical place it was when they first arrived rather than the frightening place it became in their later years. Lots of the teachers when Harry was there had been around in his parents's time too, so I thought there would have been quite a few retirements in the time between Harry leaving and Teddy and Victoire arriving. I think the students that were involved in the war might have seen these job openings as an opportunity to try to look after the specialness they saw in Hogwarts, and to try to protect the young people more than they were protected themselves. Plus they've all had very traumatic times and have experienced great losses in the castle, so going back there to work and make it a better place might be kind of therapeutic in some ways. It's only Parvati, Michael and Neville from Harry's year who I now have as staff, and I try to acknowledge that they all knew each other in school later on, but would definitely be interested to hear more of your thoughts on this. I feel like I've made this explanation confusing but drop me a message if you have any ideas/don't think it works.

I LOVE writing dialogue with these characters. I thought quite a lot about all their different dynamics before starting writing and really enjoy their conversations, so I'm so glad you think it worked.

Thanks again! I'll have to drop by your work later to return the favour :) xx


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Review #5, by TidalDragon Uncle Harry's Warning

22nd August 2015:
Howdy Emma! Excited to be back! I actually thought I'd put this on my reading list before, but apparently not as you've had to re-request. Sorry about that!

Anyhow, I will start by saying that I don't think you need to have any concerns about characterization. I think part of the appeal from a reader's perspective about reading QUALITY Next Gen stories like this one are getting to discover things about the characters as the story progresses. It brings them much closer to a typical OF novel, and while it's a tad extraordinary to find in FF, I think it's extraordinary in a good way, as it lets you develop the story more naturally without deliberate "extra" background information. Feathering in that history (like you did during the WWN broadcast for example with the legal reforms) is MUCH better.

Before getting back to the good stuff, I will say that one thing did jump out at me that may need a little handling - it's the bit at the end about the "wartime babies." My understanding of the plot is that Victoire is a sixth year and Izzy is a seventh. While I understand what you're getting at by making the distinction, it seems like Victoire is close enough to be in that same class with Izzy so the distinction felt off to me. Realistically I think the divergence of reaction you discussed would be more prominent only in students who have already graduated at this point, because based on the timeline, any student still at Hogwarts now was an infant at most before Harry defeated Voldemort and thus probably has no direct memory of wartime.

Well, that was longer than intended - back to the good stuff! You capitalized in a major way on the transition between chapters, and the reason (which I gather is going to be the mystery that drives the plot, or part of it) was SO much better than what I have come to expect of most Next Gens (no offense to the era, just my experience). And you pulled no punches with the detail and grotesque nature of this "public statement" the sender has made. I definitely feel for Izzy. I can't even begin to imagine the horror she must have experienced and I've been in close contact with some pretty disgusting evidence as part of my career. It truly doesn't get any worse than that. You handled it very well, including the differing reactions from different people, but also the way Hogwarts still largely "went about its business" despite the initial scene. It felt very true to life and I appreciated that quality very much.

On to the next chapter!

Author's Response: Hi Kevin! Haha definitely don't apologise! I really really appreciate your lovely reviews and always love to hear your feedback. It's very much worth taking the time to rerequest :)

I feel like I'm approaching writing this story a bit like writing an original novel, so it's interesting you said that's how the characterisation felt. I'm really enjoying all the characters but worry slightly that they might not come across strongly enough this early on in the story. It's reassuring that you think they're fine.

Hmm, I see what you mean about 'wartime babies'. The main difference I thought there'd be is that the number of babies born during the actual war would be much smaller than usual, which is why Teddy's year here is so tiny. That's why they're all closer together, and while Victoire's year are equally affected by the war they don't have that same added closeness. But I can completely see what you mean so maybe I need to work on that a bit to make it clearer. Thanks for pointing it out.

I really appreciate how thoughtful your reviews always are. Emma xx


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Review #6, by AlexFan Velvela Grey

20th August 2015:
This is my favourite chapter so far to be honest with you. I could especially relate to Marko and the struggle that he was facing. I know exactly what it feels like to be so stressed over school and so worried about your grades that it brings you to tears, especially when you get a grade that was lower than what you expected. I liked the bit about the Calming Drought and how it was used on students because it was a really good way of showing just how panicked students get when exam time comes around. I just really related to the whole school experience in potions, I realise I'm going in circles now.

I love how comforting Victoire was to Marko, assuring him that it was okay to be upset and that there was nothing wrong with crying and that no he wasn't stupid. It's important to have a friend around to support you whenever you're feeling like that and I love Victoire for telling Marko that his feelings were perfectly valid.

On another note, I don't know how anyone is going to believe Velvela Grey. I mean, I don't believe her because her story and her idea of Greyback certainly doesn't fit with the Greyback that everyone knew during the Wizarding War. And who's going to believe her after the terror that Greyback caused? That whole werevoles are better than humans thing does sound like something that Greyback would've told her though.

Anyway, great chapter!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the lovely review. I'm so glad this is your favourite chapter. It's probably been my favourite to write so it's really nice to hear you liked it. I figured exam stress is probably at an all time high in Ravenclaw, and Marko's a bit of an early casualty because of how busy he is. Victoire understands what he needs.

I think Velvela Grey would get a mixed reaction. People would know what they'd heard about Greyback during the war, but then not many of them actually witnessed what he did like Harry did. I figure that if they were willing to forgive Lucius Malfoy and co after the first world war, they might be willing to listen to somebody like Velvela. But more on that later :)

Thanks so much for taking the time to review xx


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Review #7, by TreacleTart Velvela Grey

18th August 2015:
Hi there!

Here for our review swap!

I really love the way you portrayed the Ravenclaw students in potions class. I could easily see how and why Marko was feeling so insecure. It would be tough to come from a house known for being smart and then to consistently receive the lowest grades. I imagine that would definitely work over one's nerves.

Victoire did a great job of calming him down and being a friend, but I think she's right. He needs a break. I'm glad that she suggested he get some rest or give himself some down time. He really has too much going on.

When you mentioned that the potions that the students brewed would be going to the hospital wing, I was like "Wait. Why would they give student's work to the hospital wing?" Then a couple sentences later you addressed that concern. Good work on covering all of the questions your readers might ask.

Velvela Grey is a really intriguing character. With everything that's been going on, I find it highly suspicious that she would just suddenly show up and create this big news piece. I'm sensing some motives from her that have yet to be divulged. I'm wondering if she has anything to do with what's going on at Azkaban.

As usual, your writing is flawless. I didn't notice any typos or errors. Your sentences flowed smoothly and so did your plot. Even though there isn't a ton of super dramatic action in this chapter, I was still really riveted by it.

Good work!

~Kaitlin

Author's Response: Hi Kaitlin, thanks for such a kind review :)

I wanted to show the kind of unique pressures Ravenclaws face to keep up. I'm glad you found Marko's insecurity convincing. He's supposed to be one of those people that everyone else would think was leading a bit of a charmed life, but everyone faces their own problems and he has his struggles like anyone else.

Haha, I don't know whether Hogwarts would actually give sixth year potions to the Hospital Wing but I figured given that they use mandrakes in second year lessons it's not totally implausible.

Velvela Grey will definitely be making some more appearances later :)

Thanks for such kind feedback! I just reviewed your wonderful Hermione story and loved it.

Emma xx


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Review #8, by Gabriella Hunter Uncle Harry's Warning

17th August 2015:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums dropping by with your review and what a nice surprise! I haven't heard from you in a while and it's great to be reading your work again. Be sure to stop by my page at some point so we can squeal properly at one another, eh?

So, this! I really, really love the Victoire that you've crafted here. The univesre that you've built is detailed, rich and dark but I feel like that's only to be expected. It's something that a lot of Next Generation stories kind of gloss over, the actual affects of what would happen to the people who survived and their children. I think that it was tragic to know what happened to the Montgomery's though and I wonder how this all ties in together with Greyback--I have a hunch but I'm not quite sure if it'll be true. I know that the beast probably had followers but why now? Why after all this time? I thought that, including the awful letter that Victoire found were great tie-ins to the mystery that you've created.

The fact that someone would really take the time to do this just horrifies me. I wonder what the connection between the murderer is to Greyback and the victims? We all know how Teddy and Victoire are connected through their fathers (I like how you had this connection here but haven't at all included a romantic element between them) but who else might become a victim? I think that this goes deeper than what we see here and I'm curious to know what you'll do later on. :D

I also hve to say that I really love this studious, polite and thoughtful Victoire. It's such a nice change from the ones that I encounter on the archives. She's serious about her studies, is empathetic to the people around her and values her friendships. I would love to see more of her development too, though I thought the lat line was fantastic. You had already had Victoire being guilty for thinking of Izzy and the death of her family in a political way (Nice cameo from Hermione and Lee here, broadens the world a bit with the information you gave) but the line about Cedric and Bertha Jorkins kind of put that back into focus. Maybe that was just me who noticed? Hm...

Anyway, great second chapter and thanks for the read!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Gabbie! Thank youu for such a lovely review. I definitely need to get back to your page some time soon :)

I'm so so glad you like my Victoire. She's a bit different from the characters I've written in Complicated and I'm really enjoying her. The links with Greyback will (hopefully!) become clearer later on.

I wanted to write Victoire in a way that shows she's Bill and Fleur's daughter. Fleur was a Triwizard Champion and they were both members of the Order, so I thought their eldest daughter should have some substance. I really hope that comes across as the story progresses.

Thanks for all the lovely feedback! Emma x


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Review #9, by Frankie05 The Guard

14th August 2015:
Emma,

Your dynamic for setting this story up is phenomenal. You had me hooked from the beginning with italicized words and creepy story. I like how you made Cormac a decent guy (I'm guessing) and he was the one who didn't complain about his work. You made me actually hate Harry for a minute (I'm not a huge Weasley fan). I wasn't sure if Millie was Millicent Bulstrode and for a moment I thought it was sweet Justice from Cormac being a total skeeze in the books. But it turned out to be Romilda Vane (nice use of the criminals for that information). You did a fantastic job setting up the scene in the prison. The highest level of security in the bottom of the prison and they are CREEPY. Lucius with his wait for it speech and then creepy Fenir dying. How in the world did he die?

I was curious if there was going to be any Victoire or Teddy action when this chapter started and you didn't disappoint! I like that Fenir's death made it into the paper and it is Victoire and Teddy were both the one's who are the most invested in this stories because of their dad. I love how Victoire is in Ravenclaw and Teddy is in Hufflepuff. I love the dynamics of their relationship, like they are going to be protecting each other forever. Are they already together at this point?

Your description of Teddy's morphing especially while in distress is brilliant. I could picture everything you described here. Goodness everything about this was good. You've peaked my interest and I am looking forward to continuing it!

Frankie

Author's Response: Frankie! This review is so so kind. Thank you so much!

I wanted to give Cormac a chance to have grown up a bit, but definitely don't want people to hate Harry! I'm putting it down to a combination of unreliable narration from Cormac, and slight immaturity from Harry and Ron. I'm glad you found the creepiness convincing. Lots more of that to come :)

My other WIP is completely different and mostly features characters from Gryffindor and Slytherin, so I wanted some time writing Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs. I'm really glad you liked it. At the moment they're not together, which should become a bit clearer in the next few chapters, but their relationship's something I'm going to develop a lot.

Ee thank you so so much for all your lovely comments!

Emma x


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Review #10, by AlecJamesCaius_ The Guard

14th August 2015:
Hey!!

I'm very impressed! What an amazing opening chapter!
I don't really know what the main storyline of this fic is yet, but this was so intriguing I have to read more! The part with McLaggen was well written and you used the little information given in the books well. I could see Ron and Harry giving McLaggen the worst job. They're really not angels like Hermione.
I also liked how you wrote the impact that Greyback had on Victoire/Teddy.
I never really gave that much thought to it but the way you wrote it made it seem very believable. It was also written well, with no grammar/spelling mistakes (atleast I didn't notice any) and you have a good vocabulary to express what you want to say (something I often struggle with in English)
One thing I could point out is that McLaggrn didn't really seem to have the character traits we know him from -- you'd almost feel sorry for him here, but in canon he was a giant jerk. Maybe its just me though. Thanks for the swap!

Alec

Author's Response: Hi Alec,

Thanks so much for such a kind review! I love that you found Harry and Ron believable. I don't think they're quite as bad as McLaggen makes out, but neither of them is flawless and they've both been very impatient in the past. I thought it was pretty likely they'd take advantage of the fact a guy they hated at school was working with them.

I agree that McLaggen's a little different. I wanted to let him grow up a bit from the character we see in the books, and I think from his POV he's obviously going to seem nicer than he really is. But yeah, it's definitely a change.

Thanks so much for the lovely feedback! So so glad you enjoyed reading.

Emma x


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Review #11, by BookDinosaur The Guard

30th July 2015:
Hey there! This story's been on my Reading List for yonks now, and I finally started reading it tonight but forced myself to stop at the end and review the chapter. I've promised myself that I'm going to start reviewing more stories, and since I'm counting reviews for JulNo, here I am! :D

That was kind of a terribly long introduction. I'm sorry. :P

Anyway, chapter! You said in your a/n that this was a really different style for you. I have to applaud you for trying a new style, but what I mostly wanted to say was that I really couldn't tell in this story. Your writing flowed really naturally and nothing really seemed out of place, and you've got a great grasp on the tone that you're using to tell the story, so major major kudos to you for that!

And gosh, this was such an interesting first chapter! I love that you didn't really take a time out to introduce all the characters but rather introduced them to us by showing the readers what they do in their day-to-day life. You do a great job with all the characters and even though it's only the first chapter I'm looking forward to reading more of what they do.

And oh my, that first section! I really enjoyed reading from the perspective of Cormac, and I was so sad that he was just relegated to Azkaban duty all the time. I mean, I like to think that Harry and Ron wouldn't be that nasty to someone, but Cormac was something of an arrogant nasty in canon (can you tell how good I m at coming up with 12+ insults for people? Not good), and this was a really interesting take on their characters, showing their more vengeful sides, I suppose.

Ooh, Greyback laughing while he was dying and Lucius' comments sound so forboding! I don't know what they could be on about at the moment because I'm slow and often quite dim :P but whatever it is, it can't be very good, I don't think. Wahtever it is, I'm looking forward to watching it play out and seeing how it impacts our characters in Hogwarst!

One last thing before I sign off - I really liked the extract from the newspaper. It didn't sound overly, ridiculously formal, but it wasn't too casual either, and even though it was quite a lengthy piece it didn't detract from the flow of the chapter.

I really loved this as an introductory chapter and I'm looking forward to reading more!

♥ Emily

Author's Response: Hi Emily,

Thank you so so much for this review! I've not had many readers on this story recently so hearing that you liked it really made me feel so much better about it :)

I'm so glad you enjoyed Cormac. I had so much fun writing him. He's definitely a bit of a pain in the books and I think Harry and Ron haven't forgotten that, but this is also from his perspective so they're not treating him quite as unfairly as he thinks.

I'm so glad you enjoyed this chapter! Thank you so so much for all the lovely comments.

Emma xx


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Review #12, by SunshineDaisies The Guard

3rd June 2015:
Hi! So sorry it took me so long to get here!

Okay, so since you were worried about readership dropoffs, I read this and the next chapter and then thought on it for a good long while, and I have no idea why you're losing readers. None. I think this is wonderfully done! It's interesting and well thought-out, you can already see the characters develop and the plot forming.

The way you've structured this chapter is a really nice set up. I like the way you added the prologue at the beginning, giving the snippet of Cormac and Greyback's death. It was deliciously creepy and created a really great backdrop for the rest of the story.

I think your characterization is pretty great as well. We've jumped right into knowing the characters without introducing them, which I think is one of the best ways to develop characters. You've done a really great job of doing this with the canon characters and the OCs. I think Victoire's character could come off a bit stronger, as she's the main character, but I also think that's something that will form after a few chapters and isn't really anything to worry about.

As for readership, I've thought a lot about it and I have a couple suggestions that might help. The biggest thing is taking Izzy Montgomery out of the last sentence. End the chapter with a scream, but don't tell the reader who it is. I think rephrasing that sentence to make it more dramatic might help too. "Victoire was... when a scream pierced the air."

Second, you've jumped right into developing the characters, which is a great way to develop them, but I think adding a couple of introductory sentences for the OCs might help. I'm not sure who these characters are, but it feels like I should. Adding a couple words about how they relate to Victoire would help out and make the reader feel more connected to the characters. Right now the story (like all stories ever), hinges on the reader caring about the characters. As of now, there isn't a real reason for me to care about Izzy screaming other than the fact that it's weird for people to scream in the middle of the great hall. Having a little context for who she is makes it a lot easier to care. Adding something simple like referring to Archer as her boyfriend would do the trick pretty nicely.

But that's all I've got for you! It really is an excellent start to a very interesting story!

Author's Response: Hello! So sorry for the ridiculously delayed response to this, I've been a bit absent from this site recently.

Thank you so much for such a thoughtful review, I really appreciate all your feedback. I'm glad you like the characters so far - totally agree about Victoire. I'm hoping her character will come through a little more in future chapters as we learn more about her relationships with everyone, but I'll definitely think about it.

Oo, love your idea about Izzy Montgomery. I'm going to keep it for now just because I like the continuity of mentioning her at the end of the first chapter and then the first line of the second, but I agree it would be really effective to drop the name so will have a think.

Having too many OCs is something I'm worried about. I kind of want to introduce them naturally because I don't much like having proper introductory sentences, but I can see what you mean. When I come back and edit I'll try to make it a bit clearer how they all fit together.

Thanks again for such a helpful review!

Emma x


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Review #13, by Crescent Moon  The Dream

30th May 2015:
So I decided to stalk your other stories and I'm so glad that I did! This is amazing, I love it!
First of all I'm a sucker for mysteries so you've got me hooked there. But I just love how you're developing all your characters, it just really makes me feel for them all, even the ones we don't see too much. Your writing is just so good!
I really can't wait to see where you take this.

Author's Response: Oo thank you so much! I actually like this story a lot more than Complicated, so it's nice to have new readers here. I'm really excited about writing this and it's great to hear from people who are enjoying it! Next chapter should be up in the next few days.

Thanks for taking the time to review! So sorry for such a delayed response xx


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Review #14, by Shadowkat The Dream

21st May 2015:
Another awesome chapter, so glad I got on on this swap! Favorited, and will be eagerly awaiting the arrival of your next chapter!

Again, everything looks great. I love how you had the petition, showing that not everyone understands and people still think all of them are alike. It's horrible, but it wouldn't be realistic otherwise, would it?

Again, really enjoyed this and can't wait to hear what you think of my other chapter.

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm so glad you're still enjoying reading. One of the key themes of the story is the different attitudes people have to the political side of moral issues, and I'm glad you found the petition realistic.

Emma xx


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Review #15, by TreacleTart The Dream

21st May 2015:
Hi Emma!

I'm back for chapter 3.

So much has happened in the last three chapters. I'm so intensely curious about where this is going to go. I feel like there's so many little individual mysteries within this one larger story. Why is Victoire having nightmares? Why was the Montgomery family targeted? Is Fenrir really dead? Why was Lucius Malfoy aware of something being amiss? It really makes me wish there were more chapters posted, so I could figure out what was going on.

It's interesting to see so many different people in this chapter and how they're all interacting in the aftermath of the murder of Izzy's family. I know that the murder doesn't really technically affect anyone except Izzy, but it seems strange to think of someone doing something as normal as going to a Halloween party after something like this has occurred. But life just keeps on moving.

The interactions between all of the different characters were very clear and concise. It was all pretty easy to follow along with. I found the transition between different scenes to work well.

I think it's interesting that Izzy would choose to find a professor instead of going to a friend when she's so hysterical. It really speaks to the bond that the professors have with their students.

Now...a bit of an overall look at the three chapters as a whole. I think that the first three chapters are really strong and I'm very intrigued by what has happened so far. I think that your characters seem consistent throughout and their interactions seem quite authentic to teenagers.

All in all, this is excellent. I've added it to my list of favorites and will be checking back for updates. Great work, Emma! I really enjoyed this.

~Kaitlin

Author's Response: And again, this review is lovely and so so thoughtful - I really appreciate the time you've put in.

That feeling of lots of little connected mysteries is definitely something I'm going for, so I'm really glad you mentioned it.

I think anything as horrible as the Montgomery murder would end up affecting everybody, even though only Izzy is directly involved, so you're definitely right that the Halloween parties seem out of place. It's part of what's making Izzy's life so difficult.

I'm so glad you're enjoying reading! Thanks for adding it to your favourites! The next chapter's written and should be up really soon :)

Emma xx


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Review #16, by Shadowkat Uncle Harry's Warning

21st May 2015:
No, poor Izzy! I can't even begin imagine how horrible that situation would be for her, and first thing in the morning! Was it Greyback's remaining pack? Her poor little brother. Man, that's so evil! D:

I can definitely see how this will effect Hermione's bill (by the way, it's supposed to be lowercase, right? You gave bill an upper case B in a few spots.)


Me thinks those charts are a clue...am I right? Astronomy, moons, graphs, werewolves. Seeing like a definite connection. Coincidence??? Maybe...but I think not.

The writing is still really good, and I love the characterization of everyone here so far. This is really getting good here.

Author's Response: Oo I love hearing what people think is going on. Keep letting me know your theories! You're right that everything ends up being connected :)

I'm so glad you enjoyed that chapter. Thanks for all your lovely reviews.

Emma x


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Review #17, by Gabriella Hunter The Guard

21st May 2015:
HELLO!

This is Gabbie from the forums with your review and it's been far too long since we've talked or swapped stories! Where on earth have you been for Transparent?! I miss you! ;__;

Anyway, I think this was a really different story for you and I'm very impressed. It's darker than some of the other things that I've read from you in the past and I think it suits you! I get a murder-mystery vibe from this first chapter and I'm very intrigued about what might happen later on in this story. I think that you're taking some great measures to keep the audience interested and wanting more. I liked the beginning with Cormac, I got enough backstory about his character and the world that they were living in right now. He must find it hard to be working under Harry and Ron but he seems awfully ambitious and I wasn't sure what was going to happen to him by the end. I was really worried when he went to check on Greyback and Lucius's behavior has me concerned now too. What on earth is going on? What killed Greyback? I'm really curious! I thought this entire section was written very well, it was smooth and descriptive but had a lot of depth.

Now, I have read plenty of stories about Victoire and I really like the way you have her portrayed here. She's an understanding sister and she seems more relatable than some of the other stories that I've read. She's awful in mine but I would actually hang out with this version of Victoire no problem! I thought that her relationship with Teddy was well-written here too. You understand their history together and the little snippets we get about Victoire's home life was perfectly meshed in with their shock over Greyback's death.

I honestly really enjoyed this first chapter and I couldn't spot any mistakes. I think that you're doing a good job and I'll be happy to read future chapters!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Gabbie! I keep disappearing and I feel so bad! Do I owe you reviews for Transparent? My review thread died a lonely death a long time ago, so I'm so sorry if I do! Drop me a message if I'm supposed to be very belatedly looking at something for you :)

This is definitely very different from Complicated, but I'm really enjoying writing it. I'm glad you like it. It's definitely got a bit of a mystery vibe, and it deals with different kinds of conflict from Complicated.

I loved writing Cormac so it's always great to hear that people enjoyed reading him. I'm glad his scene caught your interest.

My Victoire's definitely very different to yours haha. I want her to be the kind of person people want to be friends with, and I'm really enjoying writing her friendship with Teddy. They have a really interesting history, both being wartime babies, and I want to really explore what that means.

Thanks for such a lovely review! I'll definitely rerequest for later chapters if that's okay :)

Emma xx


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Review #18, by TreacleTart Uncle Harry's Warning

21st May 2015:
Hi Emma!

I'm here for the next chapter!

Poor Izzy. I can't imagine how horrible it would be to not only lose your entire family in one night, but to also have some creep send you pictures of their mangled bodies. It's horrific. I think that would be enough to make anyone break down.

I thought that Greyback's death in the last chapter seemed ominous, like it was only a ruse to get him out of jail, particularly after Lucius' comments. It all seems like foreshadowing of what's to come and all of the choices you've made in the story so far seem very intentional, so I have to assume there's a reason that we see all of that.

This was a nice look at Harry and his relationship with Vitoire and Teddy. It was ironic how much he sounded like the adults who would tell him to stay out of trouble when he was in school. I also liked that you had Neville present for this. It was nice watching him interact with the Teddy and Victoire.

I really love how you cut pieces of news into the story. You do such a good job of changing the style in which you are writing to make the news moments sound really official. It works nicely against everything that's happening.

The ending was touching, but sad too. It's hard when something horrific happens to not want to know every single detail. I'm sure that's what was going on with all the fourth years. They're shocked and scared by what has happened and they probably want information about it, but the older students are right. Izzy's family is not entertainment nor something to be made a spectacle of. I'm glad that they were told to shut the radio off.

After this chapter I have so many questions. Who would want to do something like this to Izzy's family and why? Is Fenrir really dead? Does he have a protege somewhere carrying out his death wish? What does Lucius Malfoy know about all of this? Will Teddy and Victoire become targets? What does Harry know that he isn't telling them?

In essence, I have a reason to keep reading this story. I need answers to these questions! Seriously, this was another excellent chapter. I didn't find anything off kilter that stood out and as with the last chapter, I really felt like this one flowed smoothly.

Great work!

~Kaitlin

Author's Response: Kaitlin your reviews are too kind! Thank you so much!

I like the idea that Harry grows up and realised how difficult it was for the adults in his life to look out for him. He's now in a position where he's giving these young people advice that he knows he himself would never have followed. But Teddy and Victoire are very different people to who Harry was at their age so won't respond in the same way he would have done.

I'm glad you like the news excerpts. It's easy for Hogwarts to turn into this bubble, and I wanted the story to very much be set in the context of the wider wizarding world.

I'm so happy that you're enjoying reading. You're such a wonderful writer and I'm really flattered that you think this is good!

Thanks again,

Emma xx


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Review #19, by TreacleTart The Guard

21st May 2015:
Hi Emma,

I'm here for our review swap!

Wow. I don't know what I was expecting when I started reading this, but it was certainly nothing like what I actually read. This was completely different, but in a good way. In fact, I liked this so much that I'm not really sure where to start in my review.

Cormac McLaggen was a great choice for the bitter Azkaban guard. I could see him getting passed over for promotion because of his over zealous attitude. I do like that he's showing determination not to get chased out of his job. He always struck me as the go getter type, so that seems pretty in line with cannon.

I do question the idea that Harry would allow Ron to bully Cormac, at least for that long. I know Harry wasn't particularly thrilled with him when they were at Hogwarts, but Harry doesn't seem to be the petty vindictive type. Even with Ron is seems a touch off to me. I could see him harassing him a bit, but to screw up his career path purposefully does seem a bit much. Though we do see this from Cormac's perspective, so maybe he's an unreliable narrator and his perspective is biased.

The interactions between Teddy and Victoire were really good. I could understand the importance of Fenrir's death to both of them. I would think that the fear of being bitten by a werewolf might have hung over them constantly while they were growing up.

This might be an odd thing to comment on, but I thought the newspaper article was really well written too. It was very factual sounding and the terse manner in which it reads really makes it seem authentic.

The quality of your writing is stellar. Everything is very precise. It flows incredibly well. The pace is set at just the right speed and there was really nothing that stood out as out of whack for me. This was a really gripping, intriguing start and I can't wait to read more.

Great work!

~Kaitlin

Author's Response: Hi Kaitlin! So sorry for the delayed response.

This is completely different from my other novel but I'm really enjoying writing it, and think I probably prefer it. I'm glad you liked it.

A few people have questioned the relationship between Harry, Ron and Cormac. I can't imagine Harry and Ron ever getting along with Cormac, but you're right that Cormac's perspective is making them look worse than they really are. He's never been able to accept that he might not be the best qualified person for the job he wants.

I love it so much when people like Teddy and Victoire's friendship. They're really really important to each other and I'm glad you liked their conversations.

This is such a kind review. Thanks so much! xx



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Review #20, by Shadowkat The Guard

20th May 2015:
This is definitely a good start, I never realized Greyback was that old. I read this last night but I wanted to take a brake and come back to skim over another time to absorb more about it.

This was a really interesting introduction, and I'm curious to see if Cormac pops back up, and what exactly Lucius was saying, and why he'd think Comac would know what he was hinting at. Obviously, it must have something to do with Greyback's death, which is a mystery in and of itself.

I imagine Teddy would definitely be shocked at the news, his father being bitten by him as a kid.I imagine he'd be really vocal about werewolf rights due to this, and it would also be a relief for that.

I like how you put Teddy in Hufflefuff like Tonks was, that's actually a headcanon of mine, so seeing it was cool!I also love the mention of Bill, and how even though he didn't transform into a werewolf he still suffered from the injuries he received at the final battle. I've always wondered what other side effects he might have had. I also love how you put Hermione still fighting for the rights of magical creatures. The details about the hate gone through, like the wolf head, was also a very nice touch.

The description was good, and the plot is sure to be interesting. I'll get to chapter two and three tonight.

Author's Response: Hi! Sorry for taking so long to respond to this. I've somehow ended up very behind.

Cormac's a minor character but will briefly feature later on. I had too much fun writing him not to bring him back.

Teddy in Hufflepuff occurred to me kind of out of the blue but now I can't picture him any other way. I think he'd like having that connection with his mum.

Thanks for such a lovely review! I'm glad you enjoyed reading.

Emma xx


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Review #21, by banshee The Dream

20th May 2015:
Hello again!

I wonder what it says about the biological pass-down of genetics that Victorie is having dreams about werewolves, and I wonder how much of it is actually from the events. So far we haven't seen any personality traits that would suggest that Victorie has been effected, but I think it'd be interesting.

Anyway!

Same as the last chapter, I really enjoy Victorie and Asher's dynamic. Their conversation and body language flow really well together, and I wouldn't be surprised if something eventually happened between them (even though they say no). You've done a really wonderful, natural job showing us the extent of their friendship, without just dumping the information at the reader.

I love Asher's constant step back from the Wizard world and into the Muggle one. I believe that's a huge flaw with the entirety of the Wizarding world, that they all seem to think that Muggles are sad and useless, and it's entertaining to see that recognized here.

Lol, Marko's definitely got his priorities figured out.

I love Parvati as a Divination teacher :D And I love the idea of the personality change while she's at school. I wonder how much is just fabricated for her own amusement, and how much is personality change/development from 'The Sight' growing in her.

I don't think I mentioned this in the last review, but I looove Hufflepuff Teddy. It's my headcanon and it always makes me grin like a loon.

"The fact other people are sad doesn't undermine your problems," she said quietly. - YES thank you. I wish people understood this!

my two star students wouldn't miss a lesson just for a party. - heh, puns.

The tiny bit of attitude that comes out from Victorie I think really added to her developing characterization. It gives her another layer to her character, and really reminds us that she's still a teenager who likes her privacy.

Well. I'm officially in love and addicted to this story. I so rarely read stories about Victorie, and I feel like her characterization along with your writing really managed to pull me in successfully. I'll definitely be looking forward to updates on this story, and I'm so glad I swapped with you so I got the chance to read it!

Julie

Author's Response: And one more :)

oo, werewolf dreams, more on that later...

Again, thank you for liking Asher! I wanted him and Victoire to feel very natural and sweet together, and am really happy that it's coming across.

Also YESSS Hufflepuff Teddy. I figure that Tonks's Hufflepuffness would definitely be passed on to her son, and the Potter clan has enough Gryffindors already. I think Teddy would like feeling connected to his mum.

Thank you so much for liking that line! I've decided to use Victoire to give all the advice I think people should hear :)

I'm so so glad that you're enjoying this story. If you're still interested, the next chapter is written and should be up in the next couple of days.

Thanks for the swap! All your reviews have been wonderful. Sorry for being so slow to respond properly.

Emma xx


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Review #22, by banshee Uncle Harry's Warning

20th May 2015:
Hey again!

Alright, here goes!

So we finished off the last chapter with the girl screaming, which definitely had me clicking immediately forward to get to this chapter.

Professor Corner, the Head of Ravenclaw House - I love little inclusions of characters from Harry's Hogwarts time.

Same as the first chapter, your descriptions are fantastic and your writing flows so naturally. I really find myself being put right into the scene from reading this. All of your original characters so far are interesting. I'm looking forward to learning more about them as I read on. I really like that you've taken the time to give them different class schedules and time blocks; I think it adds to the realness of this story.

I was actually a little surprised that Victorie didn't turn in the paper right away. I'm hoping that Izzy already saw it and they're going to do something about it! I actually thought at first that it was sent to Victorie, and it was about Louis. Intense stuff is happening!

I think the time stamps in the chapters are really neat, and I feel like they add to the story.

hahaha! Wizards make it so hard on themselves without Google. Asher and Victorie seem to have a good a good chemistry together, and their dynamic is really interesting to read so far.

I really like that you have your students doing homework. In the books that was a huge portion of Ron and Harry's time together, and I feel like authors all too often skim over that fact, and it loses some of the general Potter-ness. I think it also provided a nice sort of fluff/filler for the chapter to balance the action/mystery dynamic that the rest of the story so far. A definite success.

Speaking of Potter!

You have a really good knack for writing Harry, from his gestures to the way he talks. I feel like Harry can sometimes be a hard character to capture since we know him so well, and I think you were successful with that.

His hair had turned black to match Harry's - d'awww.

Even though Harry assures Victorie and Teddy not to worry about Greyback's death and it probably wasn't involved, I can't help but feel like they way Lucius had warned Cormac and Greyback laughing while dying, and the pictures are all connected. (Which, I suppose would be the point? hehe.)

I feel like it'd be a very 'Ravenclaw' thing to do to listen to the report and maybe not really realize that it could be hurtful to some other bystanders. That being said, it definitely adds more of that realistic touch that I'm quickly loving so much. The report itself was also really informative as to what's going on with the 'outside world' in the story.

If it wasn't obvious, I really enjoyed reading this. The story has a really excellent pull to it, and it really shows that you've thought a lot out and put time into writing this. It's very good quality writing, and very entertaining and thought provoking. I'm definitely looking forward to reading on!

Julie

Author's Response: And again, this review is just wonderful. Thank you so so much.

I got a bit overexcited about the Ravenclaw schedules, and definitely know them more than I need to for the purpose of writing, but I figured they kind of live for their studies so it was important to be clear on who does what.

Asher's one of my favourite characters to write, and I'm really interested to see what people make of his dynamic with Victoire. I'm glad you like it so far.

Thank you for saying you like Harry! He's one of characters I was most worried about writing so I'm so relieved that you think it works.

This review is lovely. I really appreciate how much thought you've put into it.

Lots of love,

Emma x


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Review #23, by banshee The Guard

20th May 2015:
Hey Emma! Here for our review swap! Thanks again for being cool about this taking an extra day; I actually managed to finish a chapter last night so yay!

Comments on chapter one, since I read it anyway.

I love that you used Cormic McLaggen as a character (even if he ends up being a minor one). I hardly ever see him in stories and I love that he and Harry/Ron don't exactly have the best friendship. It made me chuckle.

Your descriptions are amazing. The little prologue at the beginning definitely managed to do its job and pull me right into the story. I'm really interested to see where this is going to go.

I really love Teddy and Victorie's friendship, and I really love the way you've characterized Victorie from the first chapter. It's definitely got to bring some solace to the whole family - Teddy especially included - that Greyback is gone.

I didn't really write as much as I'd like to about this chapter, but do know that I loved it dearly; I thought it was a really good start to this story.

(I just also decided to leave this on chapter one because my chapter two review got kind of long, so yay reviews!)

Julie

Author's Response: Julie! I've taken such an unreasonably long time to respond to this - so sorry, I have no excuse except that I'm being rubbish at the moment.

Writing Cormac kind of happened spontaneously, I hadn't really thought about who I wanted to use as the Guard and it ended up being him, but I really enjoyed it so I'm always really happy when people mention him. I couldn't imagine him ever really having a positive relationship with Harry and Ron, but wanted to show that he's maybe been a little bit unfairly presented by them.

Teddy's a sweetheart. I really hope people end up liking him because I think he's lovely, and I want his friendship with Victoire to seem special.

Thanks for such a kind review!

Emma xx


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Review #24, by Daylight The Dream

15th May 2015:
God, this is gorgeous. This story is by far my favorite piece of your writing, and absolutely my favorite Victoire story on this site. She's so well-rounded, and the relationships are so realistic. I'm really loving the dynamic of her friendship with Ash, and the way you've set up Hogwarts to be a tight-knit community. Honestly, your writing is impeccable. I'm looking forward to the next chapter of this story more than any other story right now!

Author's Response: Oh wow, thank you so much! This is my favourite thing I'm writing at the moment, lovely to get such nice feedback!

The next chapter's written but needs some edits and I'm in the middle of finals angst at uni but hopefully should be able to get it up soon :)

Thanks for such a kind review,

Emma xx


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Review #25, by awesomepotter - Round 1 The Guard

4th April 2015:
Hi!
Woah - this was so thrilling to read. I can hardly wait to read the next chapter, but I thought I'd stop and give you a review before I did. All of your characterisations are fantastic - you've managed to create such a clear picture from such brief descriptions of Victoire, Teddy and her friends. I also like your choice of character in McLaggen - in my opinion, quite an unusual choice of character, and a person who is quite often overlooked. My perception of him from HBP was that he was smarmy and arrogant, and only really interested in one thing from Hermione, but here you've managed to create an impression of someone who is hard-working, determined, persistent, and really seems to care for Romilda. I definitely wouldn't have thought him Auror material previously, but you just might have changed my view on Cormac McLaggen... hmm...
Seriously, though, all of your characterisation is clear, consistent, and very well done. This is also a very unique plot idea, and I don't think I've ever read a story anything like it. The mystery is very well done - you keep us guessing by telling us enough to keep us engaged and for us to start to build a picture, but you leave enough bits missing that I'm seriously frustrated
trying to guess what's going on. It's very entertaining and fascinating to read. So far, it's flown very well, and has made for an extremely good story. Now I just want to carry on reading! Well done :)

Author's Response: Hi Grace!

Wow, thank you so much for such an incredibly kind review! I'm so so glad you enjoyed reading.

I wasn't originally going to use McLaggen - there was no particular reason for the Guard to be a specific character - but once I started writing him I really enjoyed developing his character a bit more than what we see through Harry's POV at school. He definitely doesn't come across well in HBP but I have faith that he would have grown up a bit by this point, and the fact we're seeing his POV means he might still be a bit of an idiot objectively.

I've got a lot of attachment to these characters so it's really lovely that you picked out characterisation as a strong point. Thank you thank you thank you!

This is my story for Camp NaNo so hopefully I'll be able to update it a bit more regularly come May :)

Thanks again for giving such kind comments! I just reviewed one of your stories for the tournament and LOVED it so this really means a lot from you.

Emma xx


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