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18 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Sugar The First Day (And Night)

23rd January 2017:
Please... Update. I want to cry, you haven't updated in so long. 😢

Author's Response: I just did! I submitted a chapter for validation like half an hour ago. It was this review that convinced me to do it, so thanks! You probably don't check back here anymore, but... thanks for reading. :)

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Review #2, by Sugar The First Day (And Night)

8th September 2016:
What is David hiding anyway? Is he related to death eaters? Or is he an orphan? Or is he homeless or a muggleborn or related to a squib? Really, you really need to answer my questions? Ooohhh... if you think about it, I think that the dementor will come to hogwarts ot something. Will albus have anymore exiting adventures? Because I like plot, mysterys, and the like. You and Gryffin_Duck are my favorite authors. Also, I'm wondering if you will have anymore quiddich matches, i love them! You are brilliant, remember, rock onand KEEP POSTING! ( for this chapter i am forced to rate 10/10, but if i could, i would rate 100/100.)

Author's Response: Hmmm you're definitely on a lead when it comes to David. And a lot of other stuff too.

I love Gryffin_Duck! She was one of my first favorite authors. Started reading her years ago.

Thank you so so much! You're so sweet and I love your reviews.

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Review #3, by Nina The First Day (And Night)

8th September 2016:

Author's Response: Just did... like over a year after this review... hey, at least I did it!

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Review #4, by Sugar The First Day (And Night)

8th September 2016:
This is probably your best chapter YET! Who is the DADA teacher? Why does he look like Harry? Tell me! *Puppy face*

Author's Response: Haha you'll see. And once you read the chapter about him, you might understand why he looks like Harry. I don't directly state it, but you should be able to infer it.

Thanks for the review!

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Review #5, by Sugar The Hogwarts Express

8th September 2016:
i wonder what will happen...?!! you rock, Pheonix potioneer, keep posting as always, keep on!

Author's Response: Thanks so much!

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Review #6, by Sugar The Escape

8th September 2016:
Hm. I wonder what will happen with the dementor? Tell me, keep posting, this fanfic is delightful.

Author's Response: Yes the dementor is rather exciting. Thanks for reviewing!

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Review #7, by Sugar The Quidditch World Cup

8th September 2016:
I love it! this book is exellent! Keep posting!

Author's Response: Thanks! I will!

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Review #8, by Sugar The Prisoner of Darkness

8th September 2016:
oooh... i like the suspence...

Author's Response: Nothing is good without some good ol' fashioned suspense. :)

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Review #9, by MargaretLane The First Day (And Night)

21st March 2016:
Oh wow, I totally missed that this was updated. I'm really pleased because, as you know, I'm pretty curious about a fair few things.

Oooh, that part where Albus is beginning to wonder if Slytherins other than Snape fought against Voldemort is kind of interesting. I wonder if you are leading up to something here. Not sure WHAT exactly, but perhaps a Slytherin who fought against Voldemort will be relevant or perhaps Albus will befriend somebody in Slytherin now.

By the way, I think you have a space before the apostrophe in "Snape's" when you are talking about how he contrasts with the stereotype of Slytherin house.

Oooh, this new teacher seems kind of interesting. I wonder if the "satanic grin" means he's going to be a nasty character or if it's a red herring.

I also wonder if he could possibly be some relation of Harry's or something. After all, we don't know anything about James's family.

Poor Flitwick. I really like the way you indicate he's still suffering (although we don't know for sure if it's because of what happened the previous year or if he knows something else that Albus doesn't). I always like it when characters show some reaction to what they have been through.

Hmm, you've now started me wondering about Albus's skill with non-verbal spells. I assumed you just meant it as characterisation - everybody has some skills and some weaknesses after all - and maybe as something that would later help him to defeat or escape from the villains, but now I'm wondering if there is more to it. It DOES appear rather unusual.

Oooh, I really like the reference to how wizards contribute to damage to the environment. That stuff about the war makes sense.

Three friends is fairly average at that age, I'd say. From my own memories of being a young teenager, most people hung around in groups of between 2 and 5. It was really only when we got to about the age of 15 or 16 that people started hanging out with different groups at different times. I guess it might be a bit different at a boarding school, where you are with classmates all day, but I still wouldn't class it as anything unusual. Harry really only had two friends his first four or five years. It wasn't until Order of the Phoenix that he started to befriend Neville, Ginny and Luna.

*grins at the prefect being too tired to bother punishing them* Pretty realistic really.

I'm a bit confused. Albus said Marc was Muggleborn, but then Marc talks about his mother being Muggleborn, indicating he's at least half-blood. If it's still Marc talking then. It's not really clear.

I am really intrigued as to what David is hiding.

Author's Response: Oh goodness, this has been sitting in my unanswered review pile for a year and a half... *cringes* Great to hear from you as always, MargaretLane.

Yeah, the new teacher is interesting. You'll have to wait and see.

Poor Flitwick was under the imperius curse for like a year. (I think? Honestly it's been so long since I wrote the first book that I don't really remember.) It always amazed me how fast Moody recovered after being locked in a trunk for a year. Only a few months later he was helping Harry leave Privet Drive.

That's a good point, I only had like two friends when I was Albus's age as well.

That was Rob talking about his mother being muggleborn, not Marc. I forgot to clarify who is talking in the chapter, sorry! But yeah, Rob is halfblood, and you were right that Marc is established as muggleborn in the books.

Thanks for the review!

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Review #10, by hermionehero The Hogwarts Express

24th December 2015:
Hi. Please update. I really enjoy your ideas!

Author's Response: I took a really long hiatus from this site. I have the next chapter ready, but I'm on my phone right now so I can't submit it. It'll be up as soon as possible though, so keep watching!

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! Glad you enjoyed it!

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Review #11, by MargaretLane The Hogwarts Express

12th May 2015:
*laughs at your Rose being horrified at the idea of eavesdropping* It seems like mine does little else.

I'm not at all surprised Art is horrified by the thought of Dementors. They are pretty horrific.

Hmm, the fact that this Dementor has long-term effects that go beyond leaving people shaking for a while afterwards and actually cause them to need hospitalisation is a good indication of how it differs from the norm.

This sounds a bit awkward: "Daniel Killingston said, one of the Australians on the scene in Antarctica." Something like "one of the Australians on the scene, in Antarctica, Daniel Killingston, said..." or "Daniel Killingston, who was one of the Australians on the scene, said..." might sound better.

Aw, poor Lily. She seems rather more sensitive than her brothers. Of course she is younger too.

Albus always has a string of questions about everything.

I wonder what is going on with Harry. I guess he's just overworked because of the amount of coordination and all he has to do in order to sort out this crisis, but he does seem tireder even than in Deathly Hallows, when he was spending months on the run.

I think it makes sense that they'd solve things better when they are together. If somebody asks a question, it can sometimes start you thinking in a way you wouldn't otherwise. And of course, they all have different strengths. Rose may be a genius, but Albus has greater curiosity, I think and is more likely to bring up a particular issue that she may not have considered.

VERY nit-picky, but the term "vacation" is kind of an Americanism and it seems a little out of place for Albus to think of his summer holidays as "the summer vacation".

And you've written "James's grumpiness returned away." That sounds kind of odd. Should it have been something like "James's grumpiness disappeared"?

And he is SO mean to poor Lily.

Oh, I FORGOT about the mystery with David. Hmm, I wonder what is going on there. Yeah, hating writing letters really DOESN'T explain why he couldn't write and say, "yes, I'd like to come" or "no, I can't come." It's not like that requires a great deal of effort. There HAS to be more to it.

There should be a comma before Marc, in "have a seat, Marc."

David is clearly trying to distract them from the subject of his holidays. They are less likely to ask about why he didn't visit with somebody else around.

Again, VERY nit-picky, but I'd be inclined to have them say, "we HAD to get all of Lockhart's books" rather than "we have to", as they've already got them. "We have to" makes it sound like they haven't bought them yet.

Yikes, I should have realised Albus would now be able to see the Thestrals.

Author's Response: Well, I had a review response all typed out... and then the page refreshed. Sigh. So let me try again.

Our Rose's differ a lot, don't they? My Rose is the voice of logic, trying to keep Albus from doing things, and your characters are flipped.

If dementors were real, they would probably be my boggart. They are terrifying. That's like my one similarity with Harry.

To be honest, Harry being on the run wasn't too bad. They didn't really do much. It was like a really long extended camping trip. Sure, there was the threat of Voldemort hanging over his head, but other than that, there wasn't a whole lot going on. Meanwhile, now Harry is one of the most important officials of the British government. That's a lot of work, and a lot of stress.

Lily is really young- she becomes tougher later on, don't worry.

You have a good point about the whole "vacation" term. It's just so common in America that I often forget that the British don't use it.

And thank you for all the corrections. I will edit that!

James isn't super mean, and Lily didn't even hear James insulting her.

Yup, Albus can see thestrals. That's kind of scary, especially since Harry couldn't see them until the beginning of his fifth.

Thank you so much for the review!

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Review #12, by thegreatcatsby The Escape

2nd March 2015:
Update soon please! I love what you've written in this story (and the last book) so far.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing! I will update soon, I promise. I'm glad you've enjoyed the story!

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Review #13, by MargaretLane The Escape

29th January 2015:
Hmm, something significant is obviously going on to have Harry called into work like that. Going by the title and what we already know from the first chapter, I'm going to guess it's to do with the escape of that Dementor King. Maybe they have reason to believe he's in the UK or maybe the Aurors worldwide are being briefed.

*laughs* The "Teddy stealing toast" scene you mentioned before. I was WONDERING why Ginny'd be annoyed at him stealing toast, when it's so easily replaced. I hadn't expected him to say he was too lazy to even make TOAST. *laughs at her demonstration of how easy it is*

Like the way you reveal where Teddy works. I was wondering.

SomeTHING escaped. Sounds like the Dementor King all right. If it were one of the prisoners in Azkaban, he'd probably say someONE. And Art points that out then.

Lily seems a bit like Rose, being so anxious to enter the bookshop. It's fun to get the bit of insight into the characters of people like Hugo, Lily and Teddy.

*laughs* Yeah, with only one school in wizarding Britain, it would probably be fairly easy to find the right books. Here, there are various textbooks for each subject, and different schools use different ones, but some bookshops have a counter where parents can just give the assistant the booklist and they get them for them.

Hmm, Rose is starting to wonder if David is hiding something. I REALLY wonder what is going on with him. I get the impression we're going to get more information in this book.

You've written that he might "OF" just them in the crowd, when it should be "might have" or "might've."

OK, those hints sound like whatever David is hiding has to do with his family. Some of it sounds like he doesn't get on with them, although you'd think that'd make it MORE likely he'd want to go to the World Cup with Al, not less, unless they wouldn't let him. My current suspicion is that they are Dark Wizards or something and he hurried away from the others at the station so they wouldn't meet his parents, or so his PARENTS wouldn't meet them. And he doesn't write because he doesn't want his parents to know who his friends are.

*laughs* Al REALLY doesn't like secrets. He's got his father's curiousity.

Hmm, seems like Lily is even more fond of books than Rose is, and Rose seemed the type to love books. I think I like Lily. Hope we get to see more of her in the 3rd story when she starts Hogwarts.

Ginny and George are STILL teasing each other. *laughs*

Really good chapter.

Author's Response: Yeah, being too lazy to make toast is pretty sad. And he could make it using magic, so it's even easier than pouring a bowl of cereal! I'm not surprised that Ginny got annoyed.

I think Lily liked the bookshop last year at the Diagon Alley trip too! She is a bit Rose-ish in that way, though I don't think Lily likes textbooks.

Yes, it should be "might have", thank you for the correction! When I was younger I got into the habit of saying "might of" instead of "might have", since it sounds the same when spoken fast. It took me several years for me to find out that it was wrong, and by then it had already transferred into my writing. I will go back and correct that!

I like Lily too. I modeled her off of a young me in some ways.

Thanks for the review!

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Review #14, by Freda_and_Georgina The Quidditch World Cup

7th January 2015:
Though it was long, it was interesting. I liked seeing how wizards see muggles with a viewpoint character raised by wizards. I also like the short but informative introduction.

Excellent, like the first chapter.

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked this chapter. :)

I find the way wizards see muggles interesting- are they in as awe as we are when we think of wizards? Arthur Weasley seems obsessed with muggle things. It certainly is a different perspective than what most readers are used to.

Thanks for the review!

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Review #15, by MargaretLane The Quidditch World Cup

2nd January 2015:
Wow, I really didn't expect the World Cup to be relevant to this, but I suppose it's hardly surprising as it would be a World Cup year. I was reading another next gen which had the main characters attend it too and there was a reference to it at the beginning of my story. This version sounds particularly interesting though. Atlantis!

Yikes, the first line is sort of creepy.

And I really like the way you show Albus gradually coming to terms with what has happened to him. Some stories gloss over the emotional effects of such things and some have it stop abruptly. It's more realistic, I think, to have him gradually come to terms with things.

I'm glad of the overview, as I'd forgotten a few details from the first year.

OK, now I'm intrigued as to what teacher would be crazy enough to use Lockhart's books, especially now he's been proven to be a fraud. And what teacher would expect them to buy a full series of books just to use in one year? Even Lockhart himself seemed to have all his classes buy the series, so presumably they would be referring to them across a number of years, although he did seem to expect them all to have read them in detail before returning to school. But James doesn't seem to be using them. Hmm. I'm starting to wonder if Lockhart is going to return to Hogwarts. Or maybe a relative. I'm probably just thinking the latter because of his niece appearing in my series.

Yeah, I can easily imagine people would still remember what had happened to Defence Against the Dark Arts teachers in the past and be reluctant to take the position even now. Especially, if it came out that Voldemort cursed it, because I'd imagine there'd still be some fear of him, as so many people still remember him or had relatives killed by him or his supporters.

And I wonder why Harry can't tell them who the teacher will be. Interesting.

"My German flag" would probably sound better than "my Germany flag."

And hmm, we're getting a bit of insight into Lily's personality. She seems more interested in the beauty of the island than in the matches. She sounds like she might be a little like Hermione in some ways.

And we're also getting some insight into Lorcan and Lysander. The fact their faces are blank is sort of interesting.

Hmm, I'm now wondering about the McKinnon's baby. I'm guessing he or she will appear in this story, perhaps as the new Defence teacher.

LOVE the mention of how young James and Lily were. An awful lot of fics I've read seem to have the McKinnons and the Longbottoms and pretty much all the other members of the Order who died in the first war around the same age as James and Lily, which makes me wonder firstly, who was fighting Voldemort for the first 6-8 years of his rise to power, while the Marauders were at school and secondly, if he did all his killing in a year or two, why were the characters saying they had little to celebrate for 11 years? Plus, the best fighters in the wizarding world seem to be the older people - Dumbledore, McGonagall, Voldemort - presumably because of their years of practice, so it makes sense James and Lily's skill would surprise the older members.

Oooh, the Chasers on both sides seem fairly equally matched.

Author's Response: Atlantis! Hooray! How do you like the REAL answer on what happened to that island? It has to have some wizarding explanation, right?

Yeah, Harry doesn't really have many emotional reprecussions until the later books- and even that isn't much. Harry never had nightmares about a basilisk or anything. If I were Harry, I'd be tormented by nightmares. It is a good thing I'm not Harry Potter. :)

"What teacher would be crazy enough"... well, there are some pretty crazy teachers out there. Remember Harry's DADA teachers? Wacko.

Well, if Lockhart was returning to Hogwarts (He could've gotten his memories back!) why would he only give the second years his books? Interesting indeed.

Harry can tell James and Albus about the new teacher, but he prefers for the two of them to formulate their own opinions without his influence.

You're right, "German flag" sounds better than "Germany flag". Thanks for that.

Lily admires Atlantis because she's a historical geek and because it's beautiful- but she loves Quidditch too. She can't NOT love Quidditch with her mum, dad, and brothers all playing Quidditch.

Yes, in my head canon the McKinnons were much older, and the Longbottoms a few years older, than James and Lily. There had to be thirty year olds and forty year olds and others who fought Voldemort too. Your logic makes sense, and I was thinking along those lines too.

Thank you for reviewing!!!

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Review #16, by smsubramaniyan The Prisoner of Darkness

25th December 2014:
good opening for a novel. First book was fantastic. I hope you upload the next chaptrs soon..

Author's Response: The next chapter is coming shortly. Check the page continually for the next chapter. It will be up soon, I promise!

Thanks for the review! I'm so glad you enjoyed the first book.

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Review #17, by Freda_and_Georgina The Prisoner of Darkness

20th December 2014:
Crepy! Don't you love those idiots who think they're stronger than whatever dark forces they send on the protagonist? They make for great antagonists/antagonist-causers. And then they end up dead or something. What a group of geniuses! (That's sarcasm, in case you can't tell.) ;)

Excellent and intriguing, though unpleasant, start to this novel.

Author's Response: I love your sarcasm! *laughs* Yes, I love the idiots that end up dead as well. ;)

Yes, this is an unpleasant start to a novel, but... aren't those the best?

Thank you for reviewing!

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Review #18, by MargaretLane The Prisoner of Darkness

13th December 2014:
YAY, it's up.

I don't think I've told you this before, but your titles are SO intriguing. "Slytherin's Office," "the Chosen Four."

And your summary for this chapter is also intriguing. And I've now realised I've forgotten to check the summary for the story, I was in such a hurry to get into the story. *laughs*

I had assumed Albus and his three friends were the Chosen Four, even though that would include Albus twice, but I thought that was just a bit of poetic licence to make it fit with the conventions of your titles, but now I'm wondering if these four men are.

And I'm wondering if the prisoner who escapes is Zajecfer. I was wondering had he been arrested or if he'd escaped. I think he might have escaped actually. Should probably have reread your last chapter or two. But anyway, I'll find out soon enough who the escapee is.

You are so good at setting an ominous tone to the beginning of your stories. Both here and in Slytherin's Office, you immediately feel something sinister is about to happen.

I'm actually laughing at the part about being in Antarctica and whether they'll see any penguins.

The King of the Dementors? Interesting. And they seem fairly sure he won't harm them if they rescue him. I'd be wary if I were them. After all, the Ministry thought the Dementors would never betray them.

And Parkinson and Bulstrode. I'm guessing these are the fathers of Pansy and Millicent? Looks like Zajecfer may be reforming the Death Eaters. Although was there any indication in the books Bulstrode was a Death Eater? *ponders* Of course, he could have been even if it wasn't mentioned, but it's also possible Zajecfer's aims are slightly different to Voldemort's and of more appeal to him.

And I'm getting the impression I was right to think they shouldn't trust him.

And that is pretty cruel - deliberately making the prison as tormenting to him as possible. But then considering Azkaban, it's hardly surprising.

I think the length of this chapter makes sense. It gives us an indication of what's going on, without giving us too much detail, so it maintains suspense. We still don't know if these men are connected to Zajecfer, if the Dementor will take part in their plans (though it doesn't sound like it), if he will harm them, if he has plans of his own.

Really good opening chapter. I REALLY wasn't expecting something like this.

Author's Response: You'll find out later about the origins of the title... just like you did for Slytherin's Office.

Ominous tones are brilliant. Thank you!

Yeah, these men are supposed to be kind of stupid and look like fools- it's good that you're laughing.

Keep in mind, almost all purebloods are related to each other, so Parkinson and Bulstrode are almost certainly related to Millicent and Pansy in some way, if not directly.

The prison, torturous to the Dementor, weakens it and makes it so he can't try to escape. If it was dark and cold, the Dementor King would thrive, gain strength, and break out.

During the last chapter of Slytherin's Office, Harry describes how Zajecfer disappeared into a shadow-like thing, even though Zajecfer should have died. I suggest you re-read that section as well. Basically, Zajecfer most likely disappeared like Voldemort did in 1981.

Thank you so much for the review!

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