5 Reviews Found

Review #1, by lindslo2012 Chapter One: All Aboard the Hogwarts Express

2nd December 2014:
Hello there,
I was interested with your story from the start. I am really starting to like next generation stories and this story is one of the best ones I think, :) and it is only the first chapter! Rowdy boys always equal trouble, and I am eager to know how the rest of the story is going to go. :) no mistakes from what I can see.. and this Ryan boy seems like he is going to be pretty cool to get to know. Come back to re-request! :D

Author's Response: Hey there! Thanks for reviewing. Rowdy boys do like to make trouble and I have plans to make these three boys do an assortment of things. But that is to wait >:). Thanks again for reviewing and leaving the nice comments :)

 Report Review

Review #2, by marauderfan Chapter Two: The Sorting Hat's Song

20th November 2014:
Hello again! Here with your requested review :)

From the start I want to point out how impressed I am that you wrote your own Sorting Hat song. Often people find ways to avoid having to write one, so I really like that you made the effort and it does sound like a song the good old hat would sing. :) So yeah, nice job writing that song!

I like that you showed Neville's start as Herbology Professor, as well! It's cool to see him starting out there. I hope you include some Herbology lessons later on in the story because I would love to see how he teaches them! :D

I notice a couple of typos in here, for example in a couple of places the use of "too" rather than "to". e.g. causing a clipboard to magically fly too him.

A couple of other things that seemed odd to me: The sorting hat saying this: You have the brains and potential to be a Ravenclaw, yet the stupidity of a Gryffindor. -- It seemed kind of OOC (...does it count as a character? haha) for the Sorting Hat to say Gryffindors are stupid. I feel like the hat always had respect for each of the houses and generally spoke well of all of them. Also, brains and stupidity kind of cancel each other out anyway. So I guess what I suggest is maybe refine the wording in that sentence.

Also, Ryan mentions that he recognizes Professor McGonagall as the previous Transfiguration Professor - but how would he know that as a first year?

Those details aside, I think the story is progressing nicely and I'm eager to see how these three become friends and settle into their life as newly sorted Gryffindors. Things seem pretty normal for them now, but given their propensity to cause mischief like they did in the first chapter falling in the lake, I have a feeling there are interesting things coming up for them soon! :)

Great work!

Author's Response: Hey again marauder - sorry its taken me so long to answer your questions work has been a bit of a butt.
Thanks for the compliment for the sorting hat song, it did take several hours to write however and was increasingly frustrating on many levels to write.

In my opinion Neville would have waited a few years after he left Hogwarts before joining as a professor especially as he too, like the rest of the survivors would have wanted a break from the world.
To answer your sorting hat question I too, now reading over it agree it looks out of cannon - what I meant by it was that Gryffindors are renowned for being stupidly brave. Thats what the sorting hat means by that.
Come-on Marauder! Don't you think there would be any textbooks that would explain the background behind the legendary headmistress? I mean she was one of the biggest figures at Hogwarts during the battle.

Yes by the way - the mischief will certainly be managed.

 Report Review

Review #3, by Emperor Josh Chapter Two: The Sorting Hat's Song

17th November 2014:
Bit of a short chapter aha but nice and to the point :3

Author's Response: Thanks for the Review :D

 Report Review

Review #4, by marauderfan Chapter One: All Aboard the Hogwarts Express

16th November 2014:
Hello! I am here with your requested review.

One thing I really like so far about this story is that you've focused on Teddy's Hogwarts years (through the eyes of a new friend). I feel like the younger next-gen kids get all the attention, so it's nice to see a story with a young Teddy as a main character.

I like your main OC, too. He seems like a kind of shy kid, probably a bit sheltered. After all, he doesn't seem to have heard of Teddy already, and (since I assume the Lupins were somewhat well known because of the war) it seems that Ryan just hasn't heard much about people in the war. I imagine it's nice for Teddy to have friends who don't already know who he is! Your explanation of why the first years don't know anything about the sorting was great, too - I like the idea that it's kind of a secret for all first years until they arrive!

Since you were looking for CC, here's some things I was wondering about Teddy as I read this: I was curious why he knows Victor - after all, he's a first year, and Victor seems to be at least a couple of years older and probably not a family friend - how does Teddy know his name already? (Though maybe this is something discussed later and I'm just getting ahead of myself here.)

Another thing that kind of threw me off was Teddy's laughing dismissal of Hufflepuff. As his mum was one, I'd think he might have a bit more respect for Hufflepuff than he does here. Is there a reason why he's not fond of Hufflepuff?

Lastly, I have a comment on dialogue, and this one is fortunately a very easy fix! Often I notice that there's a big chunk of text before the speaker is introduced, which can sometimes make it hard to tell who's talking. Like the paragraph that begins this way: "Well, you won't find anything about the Hogwarts sorting... -- this paragraph goes on for about four lines of text and then ends with Teddy exclaimed. In order to make the speaker obvious earlier on, one thing you can do in some long paragraphs is to introduce the speaker after the first line, like this: "Example," said Teddy. "Now you know who is talking before I finish my sentence."

Well I think that covers it! You've written a really great introductory chapter and I love how you've given us a little taste of each of the characters' personalities so far. My favourite moment was when they all fell in the lake trying to look at the giant squid - reminded me of Dennis Creevey :D

Keep up the great work! I hope this was helpful :)

Author's Response: Hey there, thanks for the review marauder :)I'm happy to see that another person has enjoyed the setting and main characters, especially as I wasn't sure if having a younger Teddy as a main character would be perceived well.

Ryan, is a bit sheltered - his parents don't like to talk about the war and haven't permitted any of the books written on the second Wizarding war in the house. This is explained a little later in the book. I presumed that the sorting would be a secret, especially after Ron and Harry's first year when none of the first years actually made an attempt to mention what would happen.

Victor is a relative to the Black Family, which then makes him a relative to Andromeda - Andromeda whilst she doesn't like the majority of her family, I have made it so that she is at least civil with them, as I thought this would be the case especially after the death of her children and partner.

Teddy dismisses the thought of Hufflepuff, not because his mum was in Hufflepuff house as that is the only reason he admires the house - he however doesn't like the house as he believes that the majority of Hufflepuff house didn't involve themselves in the war as much as they should have.

I personally thought that the incident with the Great Lake would make it appear that I wasn't basing the trio off of our golden trio as I personally hate stories like that. In a way, the trio represent Neville, Seamus and Dean as opposed to Harry, Ron and Hermione.

Once again, thanks for the review - it has been extremely helpful :)

 Report Review

Review #5, by MargaretLane Chapter One: All Aboard the Hogwarts Express

5th November 2014:
I don't think I've ever read a story about Teddy's first year at Hogwarts before. I've read ones about Albus's first year all right and even one or two about people like Lily and Hugo, so interesting to see Teddy's, particularly from the point of view of a different student, one we don't know anything about.

And the storyline sounds rather intriguing. I wonder what is going to happen.

I thought Teddy was named after Tonks' father, so he'd be Edward and not Theodore?

I also find it rather strange Harry wouldn't tell Teddy about the sorting when he told Albus. I guess Teddy doesn't seem as nervous.

*laughs at Teddy's grandmother thinking George a bad influence* I don't blame her. And you've given us quite a lot of information about Teddy's background just in that one line. His grandmother sound pretty strict and typically grandmotherly, which sounds probable from a pureblood from the Black family. Even if she doesn't share their prejudices, I wouldn't be surprised if she were rather more formal than the average person. And Teddy refers to George as his uncle, which underlines his closeness to the Weasley family.

You've written, "I'm guessing your a first year", when it should be "you're," as the apostrophe stands in for the "a" in "you are".

And I wonder who Victor is. Teddy clearly knows him, even though he doesn't seem like somebody he'd be friendly with. I suspect he's going to be part of one of the families we've heard of.

Weirdly enough, I have a Victor character who is a Slytherin bully in my next gen series.

LOVE the comment about not having learnt enough magic to stun a flobberworm.

Looking forward to seeing what houses you place the boys in. I actually wouldn't be surprised if they were placed in Hufflepuff. I've a kind of feeling they might be.

Author's Response: Wow huge review, thanks for that - absolute huge help, I have up too Chapter Seven written right now so a lot has already been written - I'm heading off to upload the next chapter but gozh that waiting queue is crazy long xD - I always thought that Ted's real name was Theodore so that's what I named him... Victor is a bit of an annoyance through the series and you will find out why later in the series.

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login