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Reading Reviews for Bewildered
  
16 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Delilah S.V Impetus

25th July 2016:
This chapter was amazing! I'm so excited for what the next chapter will bring. Keep up the great work!

Author's Response: Ah! Thank you so much!! I'm so happy that you're excited!! I'll update ASAP! :)

Sincerely,
Ireland


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Review #2, by Avanell 2 Impetus

24th July 2016:
So glad he told Draco, his dad, and that Draco brought him right in to see the Golden Trio! Awesome. Now, to get Rose out or for her to get out herself! Excellent update!

Author's Response: So happy you thought Draco did what was best! I just adore him as a dad! And Rose is in a bit of a pickle!! Thank you so so much for reading and reviewing!

Sincerely,
Ireland


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Review #3, by Avanell 2 Pergo

10th July 2016:
Woo-hoo! Another chapter! Now I need to find my muse, it is off wandering somewhere, lol.

Wow! So Scorpius IS involved but not by choice, and he wants out. He should confide in someone. Not Rose...her dad is obviously out! Someone very trustworthy. I would say Hermione usually, but not sure in this case (but would still love it!). Hope he figures something out besides stealing what he needs. Fine, he will likely do that but he needs another plan AND help!

Author's Response: Hi! So happy to hear from you again! Yes...Scorpius is involved! And he will confide in someone, but it won't be who you think! Or maybe it is... ;) And thank you so much for reviewing, it means the world to me! Can't wait to hear from you again! Be on the look out for the next chapter!

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Review #4, by Romana Detego

27th June 2016:
Exciting, keep it up

Author's Response: Thank you so much!!! :)

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Review #5, by Avanell 2 Detego

27th June 2016:
Excellent update! What an awful thing to happen!

Author's Response: Thank you! And I know those radicals are terrible! I'm so happy you reviewed! It means the world to me! :)

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Review #6, by CharmNight39 Detego

23rd June 2016:
I just found this story and find the premise really interesting. I hope Rose does not show all her cards to Scorpius right away. A little cat and mouse.Please continue

Author's Response: Ah! Thank you! I'm so excited that you find it interesting! I'll post as soon as I can! :) Thank you so much for reviewing!!!

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Review #7, by Avanell 2 Initio

30th May 2016:
Awesome update...after I had to refresh myself :P Loved meeting the Malfoys. Then the party...and the broom ride and two gift exchanges...how sweet! Darn Ron for ruining the evening. Even after he pushed Rose into her injury...hope Rose gives him more of her mind! Earlier I was thinking of mentioning how he must feel horrible...but now, argh! Excellent update and hope you post more soon :)

Author's Response: I know it's been ages! But I love that you loved it and you're in luck, because I just posted a new chapter! And yes, Ron is no fun ever in this story. *sheepish grinning* But you are so awesome for this review! I hope to hear from you again! :)

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Review #8, by Jemima Initio

29th May 2016:
Are you updating? Really like the story but only two chapters 😪

Author's Response: Aaahhh! I just uploaded a new chapter! Go check it out and tell me what you think! :) And I love that you really like this story!!

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Review #9, by Shadowkat Prologue

4th June 2015:
Okay, BvB challenge.

First off, I feel like this is going to be the start of a very interesting story. You have a plot, you have a conflict, and you've set up intrigue. Definitely things you want to see from a first chapter.

Now, some constructive criticism. I noticed quite a few places with misplaced commas, so you might want to watch out for that. I also noticed some paragraph transitions that seem a bit rough. A few would do fine merged together, so you can always do that. You might also want to practice varying up word choice. There were places where you repeated the same words over and over, which interrupts flow. You might also combine some sentences and change wording to make it read better. These are all easily fixed, so it's not too big of a deal. Just avoid falling into the normal Rose/Scorpius clichés, which I've seen many people fall into.

Overall, this really has gotten my interest, and I wonder if something actually happened to make her so bias. Considering I'd think Harry would have taught them to be open minded, and how Harry would probably have told the story about Snape, I feel there has to be something else there.

Overall, looking good so far!

Author's Response: Howdy! (Lol jk I'm not a cowboy)

I'm glad that you think it's interesting! That's always what I try to do with my first chapters, but I am not always successful sadly!

Okay thank you for telling me! Commas are my own worst nightmare, but you can't write without them. I'm working very hard to avoid ScoRose cliches, but I don't write or read this pairing very often (at least as a main pairing) so hopefully that won't be a problem! :)

Well I'm so glad that it caught your interest! And Rose's bias is not really her own, it's been conditioned into her from mainly her father and her own intuition. But there's a bit more to it than you think! ;)

Thank you so much for the kind review!

Sincerely,
Ireland


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Review #10, by Gabriella Hunter Prologue

30th May 2015:
Hello!

This is Gabbie from the forums dishing out our swap! I thought I'd attack this immediately since I didn't see your reply earlier. We've never spoken before either so it's nice to meet you and junk!

Anyway, I don't read much Rose/Scorpius stuff on the archives. I can never really get into this pairing and it's not because I don't like them, exactly...I just don't really see many original things with them. I like the idea of this really stressed out Rose though that can't really break away from her parent's expectations.

I think that's a pretty good character trait for her, overachieving no matter what she really wants. It's a bit sad but I can understand why she would want to break away from that too, which is why her need for adventure doesn't seem so out of the blue.

I like the fact that there's a mysterious villain in this story too. Those Slytherins sounded pretty awful though and I think that Rose's assumptions of Slytherins is about to change after her encounter with Scorpius. I'm curious to see how their relationship develops and I'd like to get a bit more out of Scorpius, personally but I think you have plenty of time to set that up.

Hmmm, as for CC's, I think that you can merge a lot of these short sentences into bigger chapters. There were a few words that need to be capitalized but other than that, you're all good so don't stress it!

Thanks for the swap!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hey Gabbie!

I know I've seen you around a bit, but I've never said hi so well hi! Haha! It's a pleasure to meet you!

It's funny you say that, because I really don't write a lot of ScoRose. I'm not fond of the pairing myself, because it's a bit too obvious you know. And people really over do the "I hate you no wait I love you" trope with ScoRose. I think that's quite absurd even for a normal couple! Plus I'm a Lily II/Scorpius shipper myself... Hehe!

When I write this I always try hard to walk a thin line between original character and canon with Rose. I felt that it would make the story lose credibility and perhaps seriousness if Rose wasn't at least a bit like her parents. But I wanted to make my own mark on Rose and how she's portrayed. So thank you for appreciating my Rose! :)

The mystery villain is one of my trickiest things to write! Because nobody wants a wizard who comes along and is basically another Voldemort. So I had to come up with Stark who is like Voldemort in terms of the whole pureblood mania thing, but he goes about it in a completely different way. He's like Voldemort 2.0. Better you know, more maniacal and all that! Hahaha!

Well that's kind of true... It's not like this whole revelation that Slytherin are people too kind of deal, but it's just a slight change of heart!

Who doesn't want more Scorpius? Am I right or am I right? ;)

My Beta harps on me all the time about combining paragraphs in my other stories so thank you for pointing this out, because no one has edited this yet! Haha!

Thanks for reviewing and I hope you enjoyed what you read!

Off to go give you your review! :)

Sincerely,
Ireland


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Review #11, by MadiMalfoy Prologue

12th January 2015:
Hi there! I'm here with your requested review! :)

First of all, yay for Game of Thrones! (I just finished watching the TV show this morning!!) Second of all, yay Scorose! I haven't read much Scorose in a long time so this was a great refresher of why I love the ship! :) Anywho, in your areas of concern you wrote that you were worried you rushed the relationship between Rose & Scorpius, characterization & carbon copying their parents, and general plot and tenses. I will hit them in opposite order of this list, so here we go!

I didn't notice any tense slip-ups, so you're perfect on that! However, I did notice some extra commas in places; a quick fix for that is to read it out loud and stop where all the commas are, then if anything feels awkward, get rid of the comma! As far as plot goes, it's definitely different than the usual! Scorpius being a bad guy and following some guy named Stark (I see the GoT reference there!) whose got similar ideals to Voldemort (although hopefully not as violent).

With characterization, Scorpius is your typical bad-boy Slytherin while Rose is the Golden Girl of Gryffindor. While those are sort of archetypal and make them seem very much like carbon copies of their parents, I think you can twist it so that they make their roles & places in Hogwarts/general society work for them better than Draco and Hermione were able to do. I'd love to see some parental interaction, actually! I think that would help lessen your worry of making them carbon copies of their parents as well. And finally, I don't think you rushed their relationship at all yet! I mean, you could have possibly given them some interaction before this year/opening scene, etc, but you didn't push anything. He's just being a gentleman--like he was raised to be--and walking her back to her dormitory in the middle of the night for her safety. Nothing out of the ordinary there. ;)

Really, a wonderful prologue and I'd be happy to do the second chapter for you if you re-request! :)
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Yay!

I know I love GoT! I'm in the middle of the book series right now, but it's so looong! Ha ha!

Awesome, I'm always worried about my tense!

I'll try that with the commas thank you!

Oh yes, Stark is far different from Voldemort in getting what he wants and it's a bit ironic about what they both actually want...

In the next chapter actually both sets of parents are introduced so there you go! Ha ha!

And thank you! I'm so worried that they seem to be going too fast in their relationship, but the novella spans a pretty big chunk of time so hopefully readers will understand!

Thank you so much!!

Sincerely,
Ireland


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Review #12, by toomoony Initio

5th January 2015:
Hi! It's toomoony here with your review!

I really like how thise story is starting out. It's very interesting how you introduce a new "Death Eater" sort of squad being created alongside bringing Rose and Scorpius together. I do agree with the statement that you made about the pace being a little too fast. I understand what you're trying to do with your writing (which is the main point), but your next step in improving that writing is giving it some "meat". So try to develop the characters a bit more. Give a few more examples about why Rose is stressed, why she dislikes her father, what she finds appealing about Scorpius. Developing these ideas will allow people to really become attached to your story, and they will be able to relate to the characters more, which in turn will make the characters more realistic and believable. I think that you have some really great and awesome ideas, all you need to do is to not worry about moving the story along quickly by leaving out important details. It is possible to keep the story moving at the same pace, while still hitting those key points in characterization.

Keep writing and I hope this story turns out well!! Good luck in your challenge also.

toomoony xx

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you liked it! I'll do my best to slow it down and flesh out a lot more of the details on this story! People always tell me that I need more detail! Ha ha!

Thank you so much!

Sincerely,
Ireland


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Review #13, by Paddlewaddle Initio

25th November 2014:
I'm liking the start - although I'm still a little confused as to how the prologue and chapter 1 connects but I'm quite willing to wait it out as this is a solid start. We get a picture of Rose's extended family interactions which I feel might be important to the story and we get a indication of the level of Scorpius and Rose's short friendship so far. What's going to be interesting is exploring everything in the middle and well, the small hints of mystery from the prologue if it is part of this story.

Author's Response: Yay! I'm glad you like it so far! I'm sorry that it confused you ha ha! Maybe it might help to know that a pretty decent chunk of time passed between the Prologue and Chapter One which is what might be confusing you!

I'm so excited that you found it interesting and are ready to see what comes next! Be on the look out for the next chapter!

Sincerely,
Ireland


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Review #14, by wolfgirl17 Initio

23rd November 2014:
Hey Ireland,

Just got through with these two chapters so that I'd know what's going on when I beta the next chapters. I really like this so far. You've got really good character development and an excellent use of vocabulary. I was especially fond of your use of the word lackadaisical as it's one of my favourite words.

I'll have chapter 2 beta'd and back to you by tonight. =)

xx-Ellie

Author's Response: Hi Ellie!

I'm happy that you read these! Thank you for all compliments and beta-reading! I'll have chapter three to you ASAP, but finals are next week for me and so I'm kind of freaking out... Ha ha!

Finally someone who likes the word lackadaisical! I love that word and people are always like "is that even a word?" Ha ha!

Thanks again for everything!

Sincerely,
Ireland


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Review #15, by Avanell 2 Prologue

1st November 2014:
Cute beginning...looking forward to more! :D

Author's Response: Thank you! I hope to see you back here again! :)

Sincerely,
Ireland


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Review #16, by Paddlewaddle Prologue

30th October 2014:
I like the premise - its very interesting to question whether Scorpius is part of this at all, or whether he has his own plans hidden under his sleeves. More importantly, the aloofness that exists between them is intriguing. I don't for a second doubt that Scorpius' interactions with Rose seem rather... deliberate and I'm curious to see whether this is true or not and how this plays into the Stark/Fascist plot.

I'm surprised that given what Ron said to Rose, they didn't know each other sooner, if not at least know OF each other (even if they never did speak). I'll be awaiting the next chapter as I'm eager to find out more about Stark and Scorpius' involvement.

Author's Response: I would tell you things, but that would give away spoilers! Ha ha! So I'm just going to thank you for your super amazing review and hope that you stay tuned for more!

Sincerely,
Ireland


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