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Reading Reviews for Only Power
  
5 Reviews Found

Review #1, by nott theodore Sacrifice for a Soul

18th March 2015:
Hello again, here reviewing for the HPFF Fundraiser!

I was expecting the story to continue chronologically from the end of the last chapter, from when we saw Tom on the train meeting all of the other children who are going to become his friends and followers in the future. It was a bit of a surprise to see it jump forward in time to a scene when Tom Riddle didn't appear, but at the same time I think it was a really effective first chapter! The jump in time really emphasises how much Tom changes in that period from the 'innocent' child that we see in the first chapter, to here, when he's obviously a threat.

I really liked the dialogue that you wrote between McGonagall and Dumbledore. I think the two of them are difficult characters to write but you did a great job of capturing their voices. I liked the way that McGonagall couldn't get used to calling Albus by his name and still called him Professor when she just got the job, because it felt so strange to her to be calling a teacher by his first name. I can empathise with that!

I did notice a couple of grammatical errors in this chapter, mostly issues with tenses, and although they don't detract from the overall effect of the chapter, I think reading this through again and correcting them could help to make it flow even better.

I was really apprehensive and surprised when there was a shift in the scene from the nice, relatively normal conversation between McGonagall and Dumbledore to what appeared to be an attack on them in his own office. At first I suspected Voldemort but I didn't think that it could be him, as it wouldn't fit with what we know from canon; when I realised that it was Lilith, I thought that she'd also become a dark witch who was trying to attack Dumbledore.

I really liked the twist at the end of this chapter though, and I thought you did a great job. By placing Lilith with Tom and the people we know become Death Eaters in the first chapter, it was easy to assume she'd also become a Death Eater, but the background between the two of them seems very different. I'm intrigued to learn more about their story - they seem to be together at some points, at least - and how Lilith turned away from him and made a different decision.

Sian :)

Author's Response: The time line of the story will probably not be as linear as people would hope. I do hope I don't let anyone down with it though. Thank you again for your kind words!

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Review #2, by nott theodore The Beginning of the End

18th March 2015:
Hello! I'm here reviewing for the HPFF Fundraiser - since I noticed this story had two chapters and no reviews, I thought it deserved some love!

I really enjoyed reading this chapter so far. I like the fact that you start this in such an ambiguous way; at first, when you describe the young boy with black hair, feeling lost in King's Cross Station, we could almost be reading about the first time that Harry arrived there and had to get onto the platform as well. Though it didn't remain for long there was a bit of ambiguity there at the beginning and it was effective. As a reader I didn't automatically feel biased against the character in the way I would if I'd known from the start the little lost boy was Tom Riddle.

However you also showed the reader that it was Tom Riddle earlier on in the chapter than when his name is revealed, through little details like the cold expression on his face and then the fact that he can speak Parseltongue as well.

I really liked the fact that, even though there were certain parts of his experience that reminded me of Harry's when he first had to get the train to Hogwarts, there were some big differences. Tom Riddle isn't rescued or helped by someone as kind as Mrs Weasley and her children - he runs into someone who treats him like dirt and only seems to condescend to speak to him because he can speak Parseltongue. It's really interesting to draw parallels between their two experiences and see how differently they turned out because of it.

Lilith is a really interesting character - I'm looking forward to seeing more of her in this story. Decebal isn't a surname I know from the books but I'm assuming she's from a well-established pureblood family, particularly as she speaks Parseltongue. I found the way that she treated Tom very interesting; she was so rude to him and it showed her prejudices straight away, and made me feel almost sorry for him since he has to arrive on his own and only has Muggle clothes to dress in. The fact that her prejudices came across but there was still something in him which convinced her to talk to him was great.

I liked the introduction to the other characters at the end of the chapter as well, and the way that we get to see all the names we recognise as being from Tom's first circle of 'friends' or followers. I'm intrigued to see how he'll grow and begin to assume a place in the group there is here. I really liked the fact you only revealed his name at the end of the chapter, too - it was very effective!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Her lineage will be revealed throughout a couple of chapters and hopefully it doesn't disappoint! Thank you for your kind words and encouragement!

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Review #3, by BellaLestrange87 The Beginning of the End

18th March 2015:
This is for the fundraising review competition on the HPFF forums!

I think you've got a really good start to your story here. You've got Tom down flat - I can easily see how he's going to evolve into the cold Lord Voldemort in the future. The scene with the Muggle guard was a good example of that - most normal 11-year-olds probably don't look at people the way he looked at that guard.

I love how you introduced the "gang" - as I guess they're going to become the first Death Eaters - right off the bat, with Tom obviously starting from an inferior position and having to work his way from that. I'm really looking forward to seeing how he becomes the leader of them, and how exactly he ruins Lilith.

Speaking of Lilith, I love the name. It sounds exactly like something a pureblood couple would name their child and I really want to know more about her.

~Olivia

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your kind words! I hope I can continue to portray a young Voldemort correctly in the pages to come!

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Review #4, by Flower n Prongs Sacrifice for a Soul

17th March 2015:
I'm back for chapter two.

I was expecting to see some more of Tom's first year, perhaps him being sorted into Slytherin, so I was a bit surprised at the beginning of this. I thought I recognized McGonagall and I'm glad to know I was not mistaken. The jump to the '60s, when she was hired, leaves me with many questions about what happened to Tom Riddle between his first day of school and this moment.

A minor grammar issue: "He lied on the floor" should become "he lay on the floor."

Once I was certain I got myself situated timeline wise, I was surprised to see that Lilith appeared and that they were assuming she would attempt to kill Dumbledore. This seems to suggest that she would be reckless, since you have to be a bit mad to try to kill the man who killed Grindelwald.

The last paragraph surprised me in a good way. As you could probably tell from my previous review, I had assumed that Lilith would become one of his earliest Death Eaters. To see that she tried to attack him and was gravely injured really peaked my curiosity for what could have happened in the meantime. The fact that she was dying but still managed to contact Dumbledore somehow to get this message across while she was dying really adds dimension to her character.

I'm interested to see where you go with this and how you fill in the gaps. =)

- Rhaenyra
(for the HPFF fundraising review competition)

Author's Response: Thank you so much. I will definitely be more careful with my editing.

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Review #5, by Flower n Prongs The Beginning of the End

17th March 2015:
Starting with a young Tom Riddle asking a man where he could find Platform 9 and 3/4 was a brilliant parallel to tie him to Harry Potter. The fact that they had similar reactions from the man they asked for help makes it better. We know Tom & Harry have a lot of similarities in the future but establishing them right off the bat and he goes totally insane is a nice touch. (It also makes me judge Hogwarts for not improving their system of telling people without magical parents how to get on the train over half a century, but that's a whole 'nother matter haha.)

The fact that Tom ran into another Parselmouth pretty much right away surprised me, since they are supposed to be so rare. It made my mind start running (are they distant relatives? another Slytherin descendant who gets killed?). The fact that she assumed he would be a half-blood or Muggleborn makes sense and her disdain for him is interesting, since I assume she and some of her friends will fall under his spell in the future.

I like how you are setting up future [potential] Death Eater relationships early on. It is clear that Tom has a lot to learn and will need to prove himself before he becomes the ringleader, but establishing some people with names from the books (ex. Dolohov) is good.

One thing I would maybe change is that a lot of people are sneering. I know a lot of Slytherins are judgey but it is a bit repetative. I would also suggest making sure you have at least some Slytherins who are neutral to or opposed to Tom's thinking in the future.

This is an interesting start and I commend you for tackling a young Voldemort, something many people (including myself!) are hesitant to do.

- Rhaenyra
(for the HPFF fundraising review competition)

Author's Response: Her ancestry will be explained in chapters to command hopefully it doesn't disappoint!

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