Our website is made possible by displaying online advertisements to our visitors.
Please consider supporting us by disabling your ad blocker.






Reading Reviews for Charlotte
  
11 Reviews Found

Review #1, by fwoopersong8 Charlotte

16th October 2015:
Hi Gabriella! This is Songs here for our review swap. :)

First off, I liked how you showed the inner turmoil Gabriella felt between what she knew was right and what she wanted more than anything else. So often that's so hard to fit together. Also, I really liked Ryan's character. The poor dude tried so hard.

So now for some CC...I saw a lot of comma splices. A lot of your sentences ended in commas instead of periods. I would consider revising that. Also, until Ryan walked in on Gabriella and Sam, I think Gabriella was the only one speaking? It was really hard to tell. Several times throughout the story, especially during flashbacks, I was confused whether Gabriella or Ryan was speaking. (I knew when Kingsley was speaking, though.)

I also saw a lot of "there had been"s. This is passive voice and I'd consider changing it to the active voice. Generally, that's the better way to go with verbs. It draws the reader in the story more.

Anyway, nice take on Kingsley's daughter. I haven't seen too much about him on the archives, let alone his family. Being the daughter of the Minister of Magic certainly would be a tough job!

Thanks for review swapping with me. :)

~Songs

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks for stopping by but the character's name is Charlotte, I was a bit confused when I read this at first. Hahaha. A lot of people have mixed opinions about Charlotte but I don't necessarily think that she's a good or bad person. I think that she's a good mixture of a real woman struggling to do what she wants with her life. Now, I don't think that I like her much but that was the intention. People are kind of iffy about Ryan too but I actually liked him.

I haven't really gone through and edited this but I thought that the dialogue was pretty easy to follow. Most of this is through Charlotte's POV, so that may be way why it came off as kind of confusing, I don't switch it up or anything.

I never really read much about Kingsley either and I'd thought about doing short one-shots about each of his children. He has four so it would be an interesting thing to do but I haven't gotten around to it.

Thanks for stopping by!

Much love,

Gabbie


 Report Review

Review #2, by apondinabluebox Charlotte

19th September 2015:
Gabbie! ♥

Once I started reading this one-shot I just couldn't stop. Charlotte's voice was so sad and heartbreaking and so addictive that I needed to read more. I love the motivations you gave Charlotte and Ryan for marrying -- it makes so much sense that someone who's continually disappointed her parents would jump at the chance to do what she thought would make them happy, and someone who's father let him down definitely wouldn't want to risk letting their child down. Their actions were wrong, but the reasoning behind them made so much sense.

You did a really good job of showing all the angles of these relationships. Even though this story is told from Charlotte's perspective, and is very much a character study type of story, we learn a lot about Ryan and Sam too. This was really realistic, because you gave the characters traits that made them both likeable and unlikable, and their flaws really defined their actions more than anything. They didn't do things perfectly and end up with a happily ever after, they messed up and the situation would be terrible no matter whether Charlotte stayed or left and that's really awful for the children but so incredibly realistic that I love it.

I would definitely recommend editing your paragraph lengths. I can understand why you have so much background info, and I'm not saying cut anything out, but just reshuffle. The paragraph lengths are all very similar and very long, and while that would be perfectly fine in a printed book, I'm reading your story on a moving screen and my poor eyes were struggling. :(

Overall though, I loved your powerful ending and while it was very much not ideal for the characters, it was the perfect ending after you'd written Charlotte's personality as someone selfish enough to cheat, and not brave enough to sit Ryan down to discuss their marriage -- so of course she would be selfish enough to leave him and their kids (what kind of mother does that? and do it in a letter while he's sleeping. Of course.

This was great to read, Gabbie, and I really enjoyed it!



Author's Response: Hello!

Thank you so much for stopping by and leaving me this great review. I'm sorry that I'm just now responding to it though! It was so lovely that I just wanted to keep it. :D

This one-shot doesn't really get much love but it was received well when I first posted it. I had never written anything like this before, not just Slash but affairs. I may not ever touch on that subject again because it's a little too close to home for me. Anyway, Charlotte's motivations for marrying Ryan aren't necessarily good and vice versa. I have heard that people come together sometimes for strange reasons but I think that's what I liked the most about this.

I am really happy that you were able to get an idea about Charlotte's other relationships. I was trying to leave you all with enough information on Charlotte, Ryan, Sam and their families even though it was from her POV. I wanted all of them to be real people, meaning that there were going to be a few things that you didn't like about them. You honestly didn't even have to LIKE these characters, especially with what happens and how they act in certain situations.

I never saw this as having a perfect ending, I wanted to leave it open for interpretation. I thought that it wouldn't have fit Charlotte's character if she ended up staying and especially the fact that she talks to Ryan while he's asleep instead of being brave enough to talk to him while he's awake. That says a lot about her as a person so I'm not quite sure that her staying would have resulted in anything good.

Thank you so much!

Gabbie


 Report Review

Review #3, by FireOpalQueen Charlotte

30th August 2015:
Gabbie! I’m here for our femslash swap! Wohoo! : P

This was an interesting read, but I found it a bit difficult to follow at times. English is not my first language, and sometimes I had to read something over again to understand what was happening… Things like “Mistake. Of course, to some degree, it had been” would have been a lot easier for me to understand if it had been phrased as “Mistake. Yes, to some degree it had of course been a mistake.” or something.

You could also look over your pronoun use. A sentence like “The situation had been terrible for the three of them but the love that she had seen in her green eyes had been nearly too much to bear” would be much easier to follow if you used names instead of pronouns.

Moving on! Being asked to read this as a part of a femslash swap kinda ruined the story’s twist, didn’t it, haha? (But then again, so does the LGBTQA genre marker… It’s like in Twilight, were Edward’s supposed to be a mystery but it says on the cover that he’s a vampire, haha… but that’s just the problem with balancing promotion and mystery, I guess…) Oh well, knowing where this was going gave it more of a ‘dramatic irony’ flare like in a Greek tragedy which worked really well too.

That said, I felt that I kept waiting for the payoff of the irony a bit too long. I once read some writing advice that stated that you can always cut down your story by a third and it’ll still work, and while I think a third is a bit much to ask from people, I’ve often myself found the backspace key to be my friend. Generally the story gets a lot more interesting as soon as Sam starts showing up and I got a lot more invested then, so cutting down on the build up before Sam is first mentioned could be a good idea. If I hadn’t promised to review this – and hadn’t had the promise of femslash coming up – I might have stopped reading before even getting to the halfway point, and that would have been sad because then I would have missed out on Sam and the powerful ending. : (

One thing that made the beginning a little slow to read was that it was pretty repetitive. Repetition isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it has to fill a function. Like, you mention Ryan stirring in his sleep many times, and a simple addition of “again” would establish continuity and feel less repetitive. You could even amp up the stirring to add more urgency, so he becomes more and more restless… until Charlotte puts the blanket on him (a great image, btw!). Now he’s seems equally restless throughout, which makes the story unnecessarily static, if you get what I mean?

But I hope this doesn’t make it sound like I didn’t like the story, because I actually found the core story and the characters very compelling! I love the little snippets of the Charlotte/Sam relationship we get, like the ‘sweeter than honey’ scene… aaaw. (Though I find Ryan’s motivations a bit confusing sometimes. Would he really force his wife to stay if she clearly stated her intention to leave, or is that something Charlotte just imagines? I guess we’ll never know, because Charlotte made her choice to leave the way she did, and she’ll have to stand by it.)

I also really like the theme of children ‘inheriting’ their parents mistakes, with two people who’s parents had marriages that were failed in different ways, one where they went their separate ways and one where they stayed in a loveless marriage, and now they find themselves caught in a similar situation. It’s also interesting that Ryan, who’s parents separated, wants them to work it out while Charlotte, who saw her parents grow older and colder to each other, decided to leave. (I truly hope Ryan will prove to be as kind as Charlotte describes him as and not as heartless as she seems to expect him to be, and allow her to keep in contact with their children.)

Here’s my favourite lines:

The two super short lines “Ten years of lying. Ten years of nothing.” Make a sort of mid point break in the story which works amazingly! They pretty much sum up the entire story to that point!

I love the poetry of the “This didn’t happened, don’t you dare say a word” followed by Charlotte saying a lot of words about it and writing a long letter, haha!

And call me a sap, but my absolute favourite line is probably “One kiss, two kisses, three kisses...endlessly delightful and more than anything she could have ever hoped for”. D’aaaw.

Sometimes I feel that you don’t get the most out of great lines, though. A line like “At least pretend you're happy.” might work better as the /first/ line of a paragraph rather than the last… And the reveal that Sam is a woman could also stand out more. Maybe “I can hardly imagine the pain that went through you knowing that I was having an affair with another woman,” could become “[…] knowing that I was having an affair… and not just that, an affair with another woman!” or even just “[…] knowing I was having an affair… with another woman!” …or you could even save the reveal to Ryan’s angry outburst later on, and have this line be something like “[…] knowing I was having an affair… and not just any affair, but an affair /like that/…” like Charlotte can’t even put it into words. That way you get some heavy foreshadowing in shortly before the reveal too, which is nice.

All in all I’m happy I read this story to its powerful ending, but it could benefit from a little more polishing.

Oh, and one last thing, haha: Charlotte thinks no one would call her brave, but I’ll prove her wrong right now: I think she’s brave for daring to pursue the life she actually wants! I wish her all the best, and especially I wish her a chance to keep a relationship with her children!

/Kapa

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks for stopping by with this review, I don't normally write Slash and this was my first attempt. What's funny about this is that I kind of give it away not only in my Authors Note but the actual genre tag. Hahah.

The fact that no one was really shocked by it was just kind of funny to me after I posted it. I actually don't think that the pay off about Charlotte's relationship with Sam was really what this story was about, now that I think about it. I mostly wanted to focus on her marriage with Ryan from the very beginning because although the "twist" towards the middle is a part of the story, the fact that people would rather stay unhappy than reaching out for love is what this was about. I honestly didn't think about cutting this down at all because it wouldn't have the same impact. Ryan and Charlotte's relationship is crucial to understanding why she turned into the sort of person that she couldn't stand. It helps to understand why she fell so hard for Sam in the first place nd I also don't make much fuss about long paragraphs or anything either. This is the shortest one-shot that I have, actually (I think) because two of my other ones are pretty chunky. It's a bad habit of mine.

Anyway, the thing with Ryan reacting to Charlotte in his sleep: I had her talking to him and remembering certain things just to add a bit more depth to how they felt about one another so when he twitches or stirs, it's always as if he knows what she's thinking at that moment. I guess it didn't really come off that well and might have been a bit too silly? I dunno.

Well, Charlotte's parents were still happily married, if you can believe it. They were just mostly worn down by her behavior but I never really specify so that was a good parallel that you came up with. Ryan on the other hand had already seen what happens when couples separate so he would want to hold on as long as possible, even when it was best to let her go.

I'm not sure if Ryan would be able to forgive Charlotte enough to let her see the kids. That can be up for debate, especially with the way this ends.

I honestly don't get too fussy about paragraph structure either for some reason. When I'm writing, I'm mostly trying to figure out the mood and if certain words fit, that's where they'll end up. By the end, it's mostly about Charlotte's marriage than Sam so I wasn't being too fussy about a lot of that stuff because the fact that she was having an affair with another woman should have been obvious by this point. I actually liked the way this turned out though, it was certainly not the easiest thing I've ever written. Which is probably why I stray away from this sort of thing in the first place, writing about affairs makes me pretty uncomfortable.

Charlotte's bravery can be up for debate as well. You should read the other reviews for this to understand what I mean, it's not supposed to leave you with a happy feeling. That's something else that I'm bad at. Hahahah.

Much love,

Gabbie


 Report Review

Review #4, by EnigmaticEyes16 Charlotte

24th July 2015:
Hi Gabbie! I'm here for our review swap!

This was an interesting story. Although also very sad. I can't imagine living a lie for ten years the way Charlotte has, pretending to be in love with her husband for so long just seems exhausting. And yet she still admired him? That's takes serious devotion because if I were in her shoes I'd probably end up hating him after so long. But I think she's right, ten years is definitely enough time, and she shouldn't have to waste the rest of her life being unhappy.

I know I've only really read AFOW and it's spinoffs, but I thought this was written a bit differently than other things of yours that I've read. The telling of things already happened was an interesting way to write this and I did enjoy that. And I enjoyed how you added in other pieces of Charlotte's life all while she's telling her sleeping husband her very long goodbye.

I am curious as to why the entire Wizarding World would depend on her to follow in her father's footsteps? What was so wrong with her older brother doing so? Or her other siblings? That kind of threw me for a loop and I would have liked to know more about her home life and her younger years. Why was she always in trouble? Why was we always getting drunk and making a fool of herself? What caused her to be so miserable at such a young age?

I also found it very sad that everyone in Charlotte's life seemed to be so against her sexuality. Her father and her husband. I suppose I can understand Ryan being upset because he's been married to her for ten years, but I would have hoped that this far in the future, with the Next Gen, that LGBTQA characters would be more accepted in the Wizarding World.

And what happened after Ryan discovered the two of them together? Did Charlotte go back to work? If she hadn't been able to talk to Sam in the two months afterward, I'm assuming one of them wasn't there. Did her husband make her quit her job?

And the line about how he told her she could at least pretend to be happy! I might have left him right there if that was me. Pretending to be happy is just... miserable when you're really not. And if he really cared about her and loved her I think he would have wanted to REALLY be happy instead of just pretending.

I honestly don't know why he would have thought he was the reason she was happy when she finally got a little bit of a spark in her. After ten years of her being miserable with him, you think he would have been a bit more suspicious at the start of her showing signs of happiness. You'd think he'd question her, wanting to know exactly what had been making her so happy all of a sudden. For someone who was raised to respect women, a part of me doesn't think he really respected Charlotte as much as he (and even Charlotte) says he does.

I do hope Charlotte does find happiness after finally leaving her husband to be with Sam though. If you ever decided to write one, I'd be interested to read a sequel of the aftermath, of Sam and Charlotte together, and how Ryan reacted to her leaving, what happened with her kids... That's be interesting.

ALright, I think I've rambled on long enough. Sorry if some of this just seems completely off topic or out of order. It's late and I'm tired. But this was a great story, Gabbie, and I'm really glad I finally read it!

xxNix

Author's Response: Hello!

Thank you so much for stopping by, I wrote this one-shot quite a while go and it's great seeing a fresh review! :D

Okay, so this is one of my more depressing fics. If you were looking for something different from my usual style in AFOW (I wrote this in a different way on purpose just to get out of the habit) then my advise would be to try these as well:

Abandon (I think you'd like this because it features Draco Malfoy's adopted son and Roxanne Weasley)

Transparent (Teddy Lupin. That's all you need to know)

Grey (If you haven't, I think that you'd like this Draco Malfoy one-shot. It hints at things that will happen in AFOW, so you may really enjoy this)

This is Angelina/This is Audrey Tang: I hope you check one of these stories out, they're angsty and delicious.


Anyway.

I think that Charlotte had some small level of affection of Ryan. It would take alot to stay with someone for so long in an empty marriage but I honestly think that it was a mixture of fear and some fondness. Charlotte was so unsure of herself that she probably wouldn't have been able to survive on her own without him at the time and she may have been feeling guilty about not loving him as well, prompting her to stay.

I tried to make Charlotte as authentic as I could and I wanted you all to understand her past, present and future. Now, the thing about her growing up as the Minister's daughter mostly stems from the pressure of it. People are always watching you and she had to live in her father's shadow all of her life. I'm sure that it, and that feeling of emptiness that plagued her were the main reasons that she acted out so much.

Weirdly enough, I'm working on a story with Molly II that actually mentions more about Charlotte and her relationship with her family. You'll just have to wait and hear about it because the fact that her brother wants to be like their father is part of the rift between the siblings.

I think I have it in my mind that there are four Shacklebolt children. I might do one-shots about each of them. Hm...

Now, my point with Charlotte's family being so against her sexuality is because of this: The future may have different people but it's always going to be the same underneath. Meaning, that even now while people are more accepting of racial diversity and someone's sexual orientation than they may have been fifty odd years ago, doesn't erase the scars that bigotry left. So, in my mind, it makes perfect sense that not everyone is happy about Charlotte's sexuality. I hope that made sense.

I didn't mention this but Charlotte quit her job. Ryan wasn't able to stomach it after that so I'm sorry, that was my mistake. The thing about him is that he may pretend to respect women but he doesn't exactly hold up to that belief.

I think Ryan was a little afraid of the truth, honestly. Would you rather pretend or face the facts? I think some people like living in a dream world and if he believed that Charlotte was still in love with him, he wouldn't have to focus on his own faults in their marriage.

I have thought about making a sequel to this but I'm swamped at the moment so it might be a while! I hope to see you again on one of my other stories until AFOW is updated again!

Thanks for the review!

Much love,

Gabbie



 Report Review

Review #5, by pottered  Charlotte

2nd June 2015:
aw this was so heartbreaking, so so heartbreaking.
I feel so bad for Charlotte ): dealing with all of that and the pressure and stress, just ):
This was written so brilliantly, and Charlotte seemed like a very good person at heart and seemed so lost in her married life ):
She found love with Sam, but then had a husband as well, which surely would've been very tough and bittersweet ):
I really liked this, it was just brilliant; the way you introduced the story and the way the plot panned out, just amazing. xx

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks so much for stopping by! That means a lot to me. This was the first story that I've ever written like this, I'm not sure if I could love all of the characters in it but I'm so glad that you liked this.

I don't think I intended for this to have a happy ending but you guys are just really sweet. I couldn't have had the confidence to post this if it hadn't been for Crestwood's challenge. :D

Thank you!

Much love,

Gabbie


 Report Review

Review #6, by CassiePotter Charlotte

25th May 2015:
Oh, Gabbie. This story broke my heart. I felt so, so bad for Charlotte, and my heart went out to her from the moment I started reading this. The way you gradually introduced what was going on, and why Charlotte was leaving was so delicately and beautifully done, so we had to find out everything piece by piece rather than all at once.
When Ryan caught them and reacted so badly, I almost cried. I know that being in his situation is really hard, because you love someone and think you know them, and then suddenly find out they're different than you thought, but I really wish he could have reacted better. His anger towards Charlotte and Sam was honestly really scary. I was really afraid for them both in that moment. The one moment that I found really haunting was when you said Charlotte was in therapy to try and "cure" herself of her love for Sam. Again, my heart broke.
This story was just so, so sad. I really wished that Charlotte could have found happiness sooner, without feeling guilty for being true to herself. But, even though this was really sad, it was so beautifully written. I'm amazed by this, honestly. Wonderful, wonderful work, Gabbie!
Cassie :)

Author's Response: Hello!

Hey, there! I wasn't sure if you would check this story out or not but I'm so glad that you did. It's one of my favorite new stories and it's had a great reception, though it is really sad.

I tried to write this without Charlotte's flashbacks but it never quite work and this ended up being the end result. I wanted to get into her mind and it was a way for me to connect with her more and I'm glad that you liked it.

No crying! :O

Oh, dear...

Ryan was obviously not in this right mind when he caught Charlotte and Same but I've heard that reactions like his are real. It's so heartbreaking and sad though and I was afraid that I may have pushed this story a little too far. It's a sensitive subject for quite a few people (Like my buddy TidalDragon) and I was unaware of that while I was writing so I'll know in the future not to post things like this without giving some kind of warning.

Oh, the cure. I've had a few friends talk about this particular thing and it's simply awful to try and force someone's nature. Charlotte had had enough by this point and while she found love for Sam and endured despite what she wanted, this doesn't have a very happy ending. :(

Thanks so much for stopping by!

All of my stories are updated, Albus is back and Abandon has a few more chapters. I'll be back for some of your stories too! :D

Much love,

Gabbie


 Report Review

Review #7, by TidalDragon Charlotte

1st February 2015:
Hello again! Sorry it's taken so long, but here I am.

I'll be honest and admit that it's more than thread rules that kept me. As a general rule I don't read anything involving infidelity these days. Cuts too close personally really, so I further apologize if this is really brief and/or meandering.

As far as your questions, I thought you handled complex topics with aplomb. The relationships, Charlotte's decay and rebirth - it was all dealt with in your typically mature, nuanced, and painful way.

Charlotte was obviously central to the story and I think you did an exceptional job with her. You gave her depth and background in the middle of a excruciatingly difficult, yet hopeful moment. I won't say I feel for her because despite it being far beyond "the grass in greener" like it often is when persons cheat for the more regular reasons, she's still engaged in the height of selfishness for a long time and quite possibly ruined someone who only ever tried to love her. I grant you that Ryan is not without his share of the blame, clinging to something dead, but that's life I suppose. The cheater always rationalizes and the spurned [insert appropriate title here] (almost) always tries to hold on despite signs to the contrary.

Really, it was brilliant. If it hadn't been I would've stopped reading and told you why. Honestly, if I had a bone to pick it would be this oddity of her talking to him and him not waking up (perhaps it would make more sense if she was writing what she's saying in the letter while he's still in the same room - lose no observations of him and still get it all? Shrug). Really well done, just. Ow. I need to go find some positive headspace.

Author's Response: Hello!

I am so sorry that you had to wait so long for my response! I should have paid closer attention to your general rules and to be honest, this wasn't easy for me to write either. I have a personal history with this sort of thing as well, considering that my family suffered from such an event but I'll make it easy on both of us and never request this from you again. Hahaha.

Charlotte was actually very hard to write, I'd never had a character like her before and so her decay and rebirth took me a long time to write. I wasn't able to really delve into her the way I wanted but I'm glad that you liked her. Kinda.

This story doesn't have a very happy ending for anyone involved and I did that on purpose. This decision wasn't right, no matter what Charlotte wanted and I'm happy with how it turned out. I thought that I was going to be able to write this well enough but I still have issues with the ending. The price of love is high.

Anyway, thanks so much for the lovely review and the fact that Charlotte talks to Ryan while he's knocked out is this: Charlotte is too much of a coward to speak to him while he's awake, she feared what he might say and didn't want to face the reality. Hahahah.

That sounded so mean...

Anyway, thanks so much!

Much love,

Gabbie


 Report Review

Review #8, by Shinicha Charlotte

26th November 2014:
Hey! Sorry about the delay with reviewing, I just couldn't get it done yesterday.

I think your story is...wow, very intense. There are several things I thought were very daring and executed extremely well, it's really a very ambitious and great story.

First of all: Telling a story of TWO lives over a time span of ten years in a one-shot with only one chapter!
I wouldn't have thought that it was possible. Moreover, you showed both sides of the story wihtout having to change the POV or making Charlotte seem out of character. This is really quite an achievement.

Your story was gripping right from the beginning. The intro was so well done - even though I had no idea WHO was speking tho whom and what it was about, it felt emotional and very real, simply by describing how her body reacts to the intensity of the moment.

Also, the interaction between the past and the present was great. Within one sentence you could convey what had happened when and why it is relevant in only one sentence - her spoken-out comments being integrated into the story very naturally.

It is a very mature story, but even though I am quite young, I can understand the pressure the characters have experienced, the sacrifices they made, and the choices they made. You managed to put across the complexity of family relations, the reasons for love or pretending to love, the pressure of society and having children, in this short story: wow. If i tried to dissect the story into all its plot components and retell it to another person noone would believe me that it could be dealt with in less than 6000 words. And still, it never felt to stuffed of rushed.

Two things I would like to suggest:
The punctuation marks before and after direct speech are a little bit confusing. Often you'd do it like this:
.her husband, "I should have ended things...

I personally find the ," combination somewhat confusing.

Here, the sentence just ends after a ,":
.it wasn't what either of us had wanted,"

But sometimes it would be like this:
...too many to name. "If we ever see each other again ...

Maybe you could take a look at the transitions between direct speech and text one more time!

Another thing is: I think you built up the suspense extremely well: For most part of the story we do NOT know that Sam is a woman, I'm guessing that this ambiguous name is chosen on purpose. So I think it might be a good idea to take out the A/N at the beginning where it is revealed that this is a Slash story! (even though, admittedly, for now the "Advisory" Slash does still exist)

Anyway, thank you for this great story, it was a real pleasure to read :)

Author's Response: HELLO!

Thanks for stopping by with this lovely review and forgive the lateness! I know that this a very mature story but I'm glad that so many people were able to enjoy this. I had never written a Slash story before and I was worried about how it would be received. I'm really happy that I was able to get through it all right.

I was unsure if people would understand the layers in the story when I wrote it. Charlotte isn't the hero or even the villain but you think that she might be for quite some time just by how she acts. She's a mixture of various things and I'm glad that you were able to follow it, it took me a LONG time to get this story started and finished. I'm really pleased by the support I've gotten!

Also, thanks for the tips!

Much love,

Gabbie


 Report Review

Review #9, by marauderfan Charlotte

25th November 2014:
Here for our review swap :)

Wow, this was really emotional! I felt so bad for like, all of the characters in this. There's really no happy ending for anyone - although Charlotte and Sam are on their way to a happy ending together, it had a huge cost and aww it was just so sad.

I think that speaks a lot for you as a writer though, that you can evoke so many emotions. I mean, I'm happy that Charlotte is leaving her unhappy marriage, I feel bad for Ryan because he really tried so hard, I feel sorry for their kids because they never did anything wrong and their mother just left. And everyone just handled it in such a terrible way (Ryan, Charlotte, and Sam did, I mean) although they had best intentions - but honestly there is no easy answer for anyone in this fic and that's quite realistic as nothing is ever that easy, so well done.

I think your characterisation was wonderful, too. This fic gave the whole spectrum of what had happened in Charlotte's life surrounding her marriage, in all the memories that cropped up during only one actual scene when she's there talking to a sleeping Ryan.

Overall this was really well written and I'm glad I read it! Thanks for the swap! :)

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks for stopping by and leaving me this awesome review! Sorry it took FOREVER.

I don't think I intended for this to have a happy ending. Hahah. I'm not sure why but I just didn't think that anyone would be all right with any of the decisions in this. It's how life works, no one is ever really happy but, what's the price on love?

I tried so hard to depict the ugly and pretty in all of these characters. It was really hard and I worry for the fate of Ryan and children as well but that's not something that people like Charlotte put in mind. It hurts to love and love hurts sometimes, right? For everyone involved.

Thank you so much for the review, hon. I hope to see you again!

Much love,

Gabbie


 Report Review

Review #10, by BitterSweetFlames Charlotte

14th November 2014:
Hi Gabbie. Carla (SkitsandBits from the forums) here for our review swap.

First off, WOAH! That was long and beautifully written. Where do you get the energy, seriously? So many words; all of them important and just perfectly-placed.
So well done!
Anyway, this is one of the first slash stories I've read because they seem to be really sparse and it's rarer still that they're of this quality.
So, IDK what to say really. Because I really really like it. You managed to introduce Charlotte in such a way that I knew who she was, her thoughts and her motivations at the end of all those 5000+ words.
I love the ambiguity I felt at the end of this. I feel sorry for Charlotte, I feel sorry for Sam and I feel sorry for Ryan. And I'm also mad at all three of them for the way they handled things.
Your imagery and tone was so beautiful by the way. You said that you love writing angst and it's obvious that you do it so well. I normally try to stay away from angst (especially when I have a cold!) but I really went for this because it was irresistible.
At the end I'm happy that Charlotte has escaped an empty marriage and has found love but Ryan, you portrayed Ryan as a lovely man. He was by no means perfect but I felt so sorry for him. I hope he finds love and solace in the future. And I actually hope that Charlotte's children don't hate their mother and are happy that she's happy and content.
Anyway, I really loved this story. Sorry that my review is short, I really did love it! You're such a lovely writer.

--Carla

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks so much for leaving me such a wonderful review and I'm sorry that it's taken me so long to answer you back!

I've never written any Slash stories before and I was worried about how it would be received. You guys have been great though!

I don't think anyone was supposed to have a happy ending in this story. I felt sorry for Charlotte and the others in this story but at the same time, I had to remember that things like this happen in real life. Love is a powerful and dangerous thing sometimes.

I LOVE angst! (Look at my author's page)

Anyway, I think that Ryan was just as flawed as Charlotte but I didn't want to portray him as an awful man. Haha. I wanted you to like and dislike him ,I wanted all of the characters to be that way.

I'm so happy that you enjoyed this and I'd like to see you around again!

Much love,

Gabbie


 Report Review

Review #11, by crestwood Charlotte

31st October 2014:
Hi Gabbie! I'm finally here to review this and I'm currently freaking out trying to get these done because there's under 24 hours until NaNo and I AM CRAZY FOR LEAVING THIS OFF.

I have to say that I really envy your ability to write this gigantic chapters. It takes me so long to get anything written that's this full and detailed. One of the reasons I've been totally loving MicroFiction lately is because I can, ya know, actually get those stories done.

Your characterization is amazing as always. We get a really striking idea of what Charlotte is like from the very beginning. In many ways this serves as a character study of her, working through all sorts of ways to show us who she is.

You've done this thing where I just feel bad for everyone here . I feel bad for Ryan, I feel bad for Charlotte and I feel bad for Sam too. Things just don't quite work out for anyone.

This left me feeling so conflicted. I feel terrible for Ryan and the kids but I totally advocate for Sam and Charlotte to be together because ten years of empty marriage can't be something that's healthy to continue. You've done a really good job showing all of the angles to look at this from. This is excellently written and executed. Loved reading it, thanks for joining my challenge!

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks for leaving me this wonderful review and forgive me for taking so long to respond!

I wasn't sure how this story would be perceived and I didn't think that I was going to be able to write this without going on and on and on. I thought that I would end up turning this into a novella but instead it worked just fine as a one-shot. I would expand on it if more people read and asked for more though. Haha.

I think that I wanted to show that love can hurt everyone. Charlotte, Ryan and Sam all have their problems but in the end, love is what brought them together and tore them apart.

Thank you so much for this review!

Much love,

Gabbie


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login