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Reading Reviews for Through the Black
  
88 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Penelope Inkwell Trying to Get Ahead

28th April 2016:
Hey Claire! Penny (Penelope Inkwell) here for our review swap!

So, to start out with, I want to compliment you on your writing. It's clear, very grammatically correct, and easy to follow, which is a huge deal for me! I love coming across first chapters that are already so put together. :D

I thought you did a great job of showing us, right away, who Juliane is: she takes no crap, she's not too serious, and she's clearly very devoted Quidditch without coming across as a total fanatic. And can I just say, thank you so much for showing us a Ravenclaw who isn't that good at school?! I'm sure Ravenclaws all value knowledge and cleverness, but that hardly equates to good grades. As I've seen others say elsewhere, it's just as likely that lots of Ravenclaws would do poorly in school, blowing off homework in classes that disinterested them to focus all their energy on their subjects of choice. I love seeing an MC who isn't the 'traditional' Ravenclaw, but still fits into her house in a logical fashion. And you also didn't make her one-sided. Julianne may pretend to not care about her work, but even after "giving up" for the night, she does spend several more hours slogging through her assignments. It's like maybe she wants to be perceived as being a little more carefree than she truly is. Either way, I was glad to see that she really does try, even in the subjects she's not enthusiastic about.

Besides, Charms is my personal favorite fictional class, so I've got a soft-spot for anyone who favors it ;)

Ew. Snails. Ew.

By the end, Julianne hadnít even been able to get her snail to look paler.
--haha, I just quite enjoyed this line.

Ivory so far appears to be a student more after the Hermione mold--lots of discipline and more than a bit of scolding. I can't tell, but it looks like maybe Julianne has a bit of fun pretending to spend less time on assignments than she really is, just to wind Ivory up. I'll be interested to see how their friendship progresses. They seem like opposites, but like they could balance each other out.

It was fun to see her rapport with the Marauders. They don't seem like best friends, but like they're comfortably friendly. And look at Sirius, accompanying her to the library *waggles eyebrows*. I seem to remember in one of the flashbacks that Harry saw, Sirius used to brag about not really needing to study. So perhaps he had some, shall we say, underlying motivations? ;) I suppose we shall see.

I'm definitely curious about what happened between Julianne and Lily. It could definitely be a problem if the girl James is obsessed with doesn't get along with Sirius' possible flame. Definite drama possibility. You reveal just enough to make me curious.

Your ending was really cute. I'm already enjoying Julianne's tongue-in-cheek sense of humor. :)


CC: I always try to give some CC, because we all want to learn and improve (or at least I do!). Your writing is so clean that I didn't find much in the way of errors, so it was harder, but here's what I did come up with--

I love that you open with McGonagall lecturing. It feels like the opening of a scene straight out of the movies. However, it would be great if we could get a little more of a visual right at the beginning, just to hook us in, since what she's saying isn't particularly dramatic. A little more visual detail there could help yank the audience into the story right away.

Behind her, James and Sirius-who was sitting next to him-started snickering.
--I find that, since words are hyphenated with the single dash (like-this), it's easier for the eye to follow an en dash or an em dash (ĖĖ). If you're interested, on a Mac that's ALT + 2 dashes. But if you've got a computer without a good shortcut, I'd still suggest doing a variation. Maybe, "James and Sirius - who was sitting next to him - started" or "James and Sirius--who was sitting next to him--started". It's all about personal preference, though.



I like your style. I felt like everything played out in my imagination clearly, and I'm definitely interested in your characters. Your dialogue is also nice and natural-sounding. I want to know more, which is the most important quality in a first chapter. Well done!

--Penny

Author's Response: Hey, Penny!

Wow, what a great review! *hugs*

As a Ravenclaw myself, I've always loved breaking the House stereotype and I knew right away that I wanted Julianne to do it as well. It's so much more fun to write, as well as more realistic imo. Even the smart kids get stuck every now and then, right?

I did have to throw at least one stereotypical Claw in though, but hopefully she is able to be more than just a stereotype.

Sirius? Underlying motives? Never ;)

I believe I explain Lily and Julianne in chapter 3? If I remember right?

Thank you so much for this incredible review, Penny! It was such a great thing to get to reread!

Claire


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Review #2, by dreamgazer220 Trying to Get Ahead

27th April 2016:
Claire! Here for our review swap :)

So I know you wanted feedback on more recent chapters, but I figured it would be best to start with the beginning, and I'm quite glad I did! You've got yourself a very promising start here.

I don't know why I don't read more Marauder stories. I really enjoy the era, and I love what you've set up here. I already like Julianne - it's refreshing to see a MC struggle in classes, even though she's a Ravenclaw. And I also like how she already gets along with James and Sirius, they've got a fun dynamic between them and I'm curious to see where it goes. You write them both well here too.

I really liked the Sirius/Cameron clash. I have a feeling that's going to become a theme in this story ;) Cameron seems like a decent fellow. I'm curious about his role in this story and if he fancies Julianne?

And that poor girl. Struggling in class and then she gets hit with a Bludger bat during tryouts?! How is that fair?!

I'm definitely going to be adding this to my reading list! I'm loving the dynamics that you've set up here and I'm really curious as to why she and Lily don't like each other. But I also love that Julianne doesn't seem bothered by it, I really loved her sense of humor throughout the chapter.

Thank you for the great swap! I really enjoyed this! :)

♥ Jill

Author's Response: Hey, Jill!

You've already touched on three of my favorite things about writing this story. Breaking House stereotypes is one of my favorite things to do with fic and this one certainly is the biggest break I've done. I'm actually relieved that you like James and Sirius here, especially James since I have such a specific idea of his character that isn't always in line with how he's usually portrayed.

Ah, yes, Cameron. The one character that I was ready to dislike, but accidentally fell in love with. Which means he now has various minor roles throughout the entire story instead of his one minor one ;)

Thanks again for the review, Jill!

Claire


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Review #3, by princesslily_36 O.W.L.s

15th April 2016:
Hello again!

Ahhh the OWLS chapter! How many times have we seen that redone in Marauder fics - and yours is so well done. The fact that the others didn't know what was going on until halfway into the scene was so natural.

Speaking of natural - I liked how you set the scene for the exams. Everyones reactions and their preparations were really well written, and I could vivdly picture it in my mind. The little details about people melting down and needing Calming Draughts made me think back to when I wrote my 12th class exams. *shudders*

So, the part that threw me off here was how Julianne was so casual about the fact that he almost got expelled (in the sense she smiles when he asks why don't you ask James). And for an inquisitive Ravenclaw who was quite intent on knowing what it was all about, she seemed pretty okay with the hal baked explaination that Sirius gave her.

Also, James hinting about Sirius and Julianne tells us he hasn't figured it out yet... man, the OWLS must be tiring if James hasn't noticed what had been going on with his best friends for months.

Also, I loved seeing Julianne be objective about James here, and actually feeling sorry for Lily in that scene.

This was definitely an enjoyable chapter, and really well done!

~Ysh

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Review #4, by princesslily_36 Gryffindor Versus Ravenclaw

15th April 2016:
The last review was from my phone if you coudln't tell (It was shorter than I'd usually write)

Oohh we get to hear more about her dad. That does seem to clear things up a bit. But isn't it a good thing that her father doesn't like blood purists? I mean I understand prejudice goes both ways.. (I've seen a lot of that) Maybe Julianne is irritated with her father's take on that because she's had a crush on Sirius for ages? I still don't understand what is the point of tension between Julianne and her father. I would have loved to see more of their family dynamics, it would have given a better insight into the kind of person Julianne was.

Ahh still nobody has found out that they have been dating in secret. Yes, I still can't get why it has to be a secret, but maybe it's just as simple as exciting. I mean, they are teenagers after all.

Like the other reviews have said, I did find the flow a bit difficult to digest. With the other chapters, you took the time to create some breaks by mentioning to month or a few events that happened inebtween to let us know how much time had passed between scenes.

OOHH WAIT... That cat attacked Peter!!! Because Peter is the rat.. HAHAHAHA! I totally got that (because I wrote that into one of my stories as well!!)

OOh, also it was interesting to see Lily being beaten in a subject. Most fics portray Lily as this near perfect girl who tops all her exams and could afford to do no harm - but seeing her through the eyes of someone who dislikes her is quite refreshing, and I think my favorite part about this whole story.

The Quidditch scene was very well written too. I recently wrote a quidditch scene myself and struggled a lot with it - so kudos to you for writing one hell of a scene!

Great work with this chapter :D

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Review #5, by princesslily_36 Nothing Is Immune

15th April 2016:
Ahhh the sexual tension of a hidden relationship! That's definitely yummy! How long can they keep it up before the others find out? Especially since both of them are best friends with James - and lets give him some credit, he isn't all that dumb is he?

Of course Julianne doesn't want to be late. Such a Ravenclaw! But as a Gryffindor, I hear Sirius. And Sirius can distract any Ravenclaw, can't he?

LOL... I love that part where Julianne mentions to Lily as a matter of fact that she likes James. I mean, someone had to tell Lily that. I love how you're sliding in Jily moments through Julianne's eyes in this fic.

I'm still curious, what's going on with Julianne's dad... and why do I get the feeling they're not a really happy family?

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Review #6, by princesslily_36 Confrontations

15th April 2016:
It's March already? I must confess, the pacing is a little too fast for me. But then again, if it weren't it would have to be a Novel, and that can get tiring. So, what I'm trying to say is that I get it.

I also like how you establish the timeline by skimming through a few months, so that it doesn't feel like we have no idea when it is taking place.

Age line... HAHAHAHAHA!!! Blimey! That's some advanced magic, though I wouldn't put it past the Marauders to do it.

That scene with Snape and Julianne brought out a different side to Julianne. So far she came across as this normal teenager, oblivious to the guy who likes her, nursing a crush she's so insecure about - but to see her being mean on purpose (I mean I hate Snape and all... but objectively speaking)

A secret relationship... I kind of saw that coming. I feel Julianne is a little silly to suggest it though, I mean she obviously likes him, and I don't understand why they can't go out together. But trust Sirius to get excited about a secret relationship.

Eager to see where this is leading, because they're already together now so I wonder what will happen next!

~Ysh

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Review #7, by princesslily_36 Hogsmeade

15th April 2016:
Hello there!

So sorry for the horrible delay, but travel internet did not go as I had planned. Anyway, I'm going to leave longer reviews as promised :D

A self-satisfied, cocky Sirius is just so yummy! I loved how he wanted to talk to her about it, and then started getting all sassy when she let a few things slip :D

YES! EVERYONE CAN SEE SIRIUS HAS A THING FOR YOU JULIANNE! But girls can be totally oblivious to that sometimes, I should know!

Ivory and Remus are so adorable, I like how you underlined that.

And Peter, with his stupid remark - It must have been true but I can just imagine how that would have made Julliane feel. I liked that scene very much!

James is just being an idiot here - hexing the guys Lily goes out with. I wish he wouldn't do that :( It doesn't really speak much about him, does it.

Curious to keep reading :D Over to the next one now!

~Ysh

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Review #8, by princesslily_36 The Boy Next Door

6th April 2016:
Moms can be crazy perceptive! The story seems to be moving along quite quickly, and as you said I'd love to see more of Sirius, but this was important too - we need to know Julianne's frame of mind!

I did feel the Sirius leaving home thing was dealt with all too quickly, and I would like to have seen more of progress regarding Julianne - as they say - show, don't tell - more scenes maybe. I get thst a lot of events need to be covered, and its just impossible without making it ridiculously long, but maybe pace down a little?

Just a humble feedback - as author of course you know best :)

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Review #9, by princesslily_36 Under the Mistletoe

6th April 2016:
Ahhhtheres the scene...and has come much sooner than I expected. I didn't expect her to break up with Cameron and kiss Sirius all in one week! Man she must have been overwhelmed

I do have a question at this point - how did Julianne become so close to James and the others?

I really like the small details weaving in and out - like the desperate detentions.

Jealous Sirius is such a sweetheart! I just find myself 15 yrs old again and wishing he would be jealous of another bloke for me!!!

Again sorry for the really small review, I will find a way to make it up to you soon! Over to the next chapter now

Ysh

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Review #10, by princesslily_36 First First Date

6th April 2016:
I'm going to apologise for the insanely small review im leaving / going to leave but im not that comfortable typing on the phone. Also I didn't realize but this story w already on my reading list from the review-a-thon!

Cameron seems like a really sweet boy! Is the guy Julliane fancied for long Sirius?

Also I'm really enjoying how it is coming along - the Little bits about the war and disappearances, and I like a ravenclaw who isn't good at Charms as well. I'm especially liking that Lily isn't as perfect as everyone is making her out to be.

As for the pace, don't worry about it, I like the build up it gives a strong foundation IMO

Ysh

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Review #11, by princesslily_36 Trying to Get Ahead

5th March 2016:
Ysh here for the HPFF Review-a-thon!

Sirius/OCÖ of course I clicked in! I always read (and write) Marauder era fics where the students of one house stick to friends of that house Ė but here you have them all mingling with each other which I found refreshing.

Also, James is absolutely adorable, yes he is! Yes he IS! I liked that little scene between Sirius and Cameron as well Ė the little boyish ego clash over Quidditch. Ahh Sirius.

Ooh, it was a great change seeing Julianne NOT liking Lily. Lily is always portrayed as the golden girl who everyone loves, but here Ilike how youíve made it real. Although Iím curious as to what the tension between the two of them could be. Iíd love to find out.

The dialogues seem to flow naturally, and Iím liking your characterization so far. Also, unlike other girls, I like how Julianne isnít fawning all over the Marauders, or is walking around nursing a secret lovelorn crush on one of them. This way, I grow to respect her as a character! Plus the fact that she isnít a goode-goody like we assume most Ravenclaws are is an added bonus in her favour. It means she definitely has a lot of talent, but she isnít taking the conventional approach to it.

Your descriptions are what makes the scene so real. Especially the Quidditch tryouts. I like how you have managed to maintain a good balance of dialogues and description so one doesnít overwhelm the other. And you have managed to show the characterization through dialogues rather than state it explicitly which just shows how much thought you have put into each one, so points for that as well.

This is definitely a very very promising Marauder era story, and I intend getting back to the other chapters once I finish with the other reviews :D!

XOXO
¨Ysh

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Review #12, by TreacleTart O.W.L.s

17th October 2015:
Hey Claire,

I'm here for our review swap. I'm so sorry I'm so late. I know I'm the worst. I got so sick that day that we swapped and I haven't been well enough to focus on reviewing since. But I'm better now, so I'm going to get caught up on all the reviews that I promised you!

Oh, Sirius! Every time that I read about Sirius tricking Snape, it really hurts my heart. All I can think of is how awful Lupin would've felt if he'd accidentally killed someone...and it would've been all Sirius' fault. I'm so glad that James saved Snape because it would've destroyed everything if it hadn't.

The build up to exam time was well done. I liked how everyone is taking it differently. Everyone seems to have skills in different areas and varying levels of confidence which I thought was quite realistic.

In regards to Sirius and Lupin, I found it a little odd that they were so friendly at the end of the chapter. I honestly think that Lupin would've stayed mad for quite a bit longer after Sirius played that awful prank. I just think that whole concept would've been too hurtful to move past in a few days.

I liked that you showed the scene with James and Sirius attacking Snape because it's so integral in theirs and Snape's story. It also shows the moment that Lily really starts to change as well. My only minor criticism is that in the 3 or 4 paragraphs where you were describing the attack it sort of felt like a list or a summary. I know you were trying to avoid copying the actual book, but I think that maybe adding more description or things that we didn't see in Snape's memory might help a bit. I know it's really tough when you're adhering so closely to cannon.

All in all, I thought this was another good chapter. I'm enjoying seeing Hogwarts through someone else's eyes. It's also nice to see a different side of Sirius.

Keep up the good work!

~Kaitlin

Author's Response: I knew that I had to include Sirius tricking Snape at some point, but I had to find a way to do it that felt right to me. I felt awful for Julianne taking ti so lightly, but I at least got the feeling that Sirius probably wouldn't have wanted to talk about it too much and if the students didn't know what was at the end, they probably wouldn't have cared but...yeah. I felt so bad playing it off as nothing.

Yeah, I based everyone's reactions on my various friends when we were taking exams and writing papers, so I'm glad that it seems realistic!

That was a hard scene to write, just because all I had to go off of was Snape's memory, so I didn't know what else to do with it. I'll definitely try to rework it when I go back for edits.

Thanks so much for all your wonderful reviews! We need to do some more soon!

Claire


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Review #13, by TreacleTart Gryffindor Versus Ravenclaw

15th October 2015:
Hey Claire!

I'm here for the first of our review swaps and I'm excited to check in with Julianne!

So there are a lot of different scenes in this chapter without a whole ton of major events going on. We see lots of little snippets of what life is like as a Hogwarts student. It sounds like Julianne has an incredibly busy life.

I'm happy to see that Sirius is still around and hasn't bailed on her yet. The secret dating arrangement still irks me quite a bit, but I suppose things are looking okay for them so far. I just wonder what's going to have to happen for them to come out into the open about it or if they ever will.

It's an interesting element to see that Julianne hates Lily so much. We've seen glimpses of that before, but this was the first time we've really got to see her relish in it. Julianne seems to be a bit of a prat to be honest. I mean I understand that James is her best friend, but I've gotten the impression several times that she's a bit cruel for no reason sometimes. It sort of reminds me of the popular girl at school who bullies others.

If I'm being honest this chapter flowed a bit oddly for me. The way this chapter jumps from scene to scene made the writing seemed very rushed and a little chaotic. I think maybe focusing on two or three scenes and really developing them would make this better. The Quidditch match seemed particularly rushed.

Also, I was a little disappointed that we didn't actually get to see Julianne with her family at all. Instead, you provided a summary where you told the reader what happened. I personally feel that it would've been better to include a chapter where she's actually interacting with them so we can really envision them.

That being said, overall, I'm enjoying Julianne's adventure. You've created an OC who fits into the environment nicely and you've kept her actions authentic to a high school girl. As always, I'm curious to see how things continue on. I'll be over to the next chapter shortly.

~Kaitlin

Author's Response: Wow, I can't believe how many times we swapped for this one story. Dang it, now I feel really bad for taking so long to answer all of them.

Hehe, I have something I'm saving for them finally defining their relationship. If I remember right, I think it's two chapters after this one ;)

Yeah, that's one thing that I wanted to make sure of: Julianne isn't always a nice person. She definitely can be, but she's also a jerk. (Hopefully) there will be character development as events occur in her life and she grows up, but I really did want a main character that isn't always likeable but is relatable.

This chapter is definitely choppy. I wrote each part individually and there were pieces that were rearranged, so it could definitely do with some editing.

I'm happy that you enjoy this story so much, it really warms my heart!

Claire


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Review #14, by Frankie05 First First Date

21st September 2015:
Claire,

I love this story. Julianne is such a relatable protagonist and I love that she is in Ravenclaw but has a hard time with studies. She is brilliant but still struggles. I love that.

And she has a date! I love that! Yay for Julianne.and it's the guy who is the captain of the Quidditch team. Score. I like how feisty she is towards the boys. I think it puts them in their place and it makes her character well rounded.

I liked the date with Cameron. Its awkward but fun. And the kiss at the end was so sweet. Just a peck. But I really enjoyed it!

Julianne must really care for the boys to ask for a peace offering from her Mum. And there must be some sort of thing going on with Sirius that Remus and Peter both look at him when she said she is dating Cameron now. And I'm sure that comment about what she doesn't see she can't stop is going to come back and bite her in the bum.

I like how macho you make the guys out to be. Like he's just having a conversation with his lady and then James and Sirius get thee all huffy about a sport. You nailed it.

Sirius totally has the hots for her. He can't even touch her. You are doing a great job setting this up (except Cameron is in the way. But such is life) bum excited to see where this goes :)

Frankie

Author's Response: I don't think you know how much it means that you love Julianne so much. Just...thank you!

Hehe, I love Cameron so freaking much. Originally, he was supposed to be a total (not a 12+ word), but he just grew into such a fun and sweet character to write, I'm considering dating him.

She may hate them at times and want to bash their heads in, but she really does care for them. After all, James is basically her brother and she grew up with the rest of them. There might possibly be something there, but you'll have to keep reading to find out :P

Yeah, that comment is actually going to be her downfall. She really should be her words more carefully.

Thank you again for the wonderful review, Frankie!

Claire


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Review #15, by TreacleTart Nothing Is Immune

1st September 2015:
Hey Claire!

I'm here for our review swap!

Poor Julianne is still sidelined from her accidental concussion. I bet she's going completely stir crazy not being able to be as active as normal.

The whole deal with Scott losing his father was so tragic. I can totally understand why he wanted to go to practice though. I'm the exact same way. When something awful happens I just want everything to feel normal and to try and keep myself busy.

Honestly, the more I see of this secret relationship between Sirius and Julianne, the more I get the heebie jeebies. It just seems to me like she's being used at his convenience. If he really cares about her the way he says he does, then he really should have no problem dating her openly. I guess that would put a bit more pressure on things since everyone would know what was going on, but I think this keeping a secret is going to end up making one of them feel dirty in the end.

I'm curious about these cousins that Julianne will be visiting. Are we going to get a chance to meet her family?

All in all, I think this story is progressing quite nicely. The dynamic between everyone seems pretty natural and I think you do a good job of keeping your characters consistent.

Good work!

~Kaitlin

Author's Response: I really wanted to put in the whole thing with Scott, just because it needed to hit closer to home for everyone. I'm so glad that you feel it was realistic wanting to go to practice because I'm the same way. If something awful happens, I just want to get to my ponies no matter what and feel normal again.

This might sound weird, but I'm actually kind of happy that the secret relationship creeps you out? Everyone else has said how much they loved it, but I like getting someone saying they don't, cause now I have a reason to go back and really look it over again. So thank you! :)

As I'm sure you already know (since I am The Worst at answering reviews), we do not actually get to meet her family, but I am actually considering taking that out since (I think you pointed this out in a later review), they really are just used as a plot device.

As always, I love reading your reviews, Kaitlin! Thank you so much!

Claire


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Review #16, by Frankie05 Headaches

31st August 2015:
Cassie

I'm mad at myself for forgetting this brilliant story you've been writing. I've forgotten how much I truly liked Julianne- she is such a wonderful Spunky protagonist. I feel like I am exactly like her. I'm smart but u struggle and I have no problems telling someone I am going to punch them in the face and I avoid telling people I am hurting. She is just like me - maybe that's why I struggle.

I think I still ship them a bit and hope they work out (James and Julianne). He is so kind and cares about her deeply. And Remus is kind to her too, but James gets her! You just do a great job telling a story about an OC in Marauder time and I want her to end up with James (that NEVER happens).

I hate that during their time the war is looming and students are casting dark hexes at each other. It's a sad sad time and the fact that they know people who are suffering is sad as well. I'm going to come back to this story for sure because I really do care to see where it goes!!

Frankie

Author's Response: Hey again, Frankie!

I've said it before, but it warms my heart that you love and relate to Julianne so much. I really wanted her to be a real, fleshed out character, so I'm glad that she is for you!

I hate to crush your hope, but I can tell you that Julianne and James will not be getting together during this story. They're more like brother and sister, but they still have their moments.

I struggle trying to put in enough references of the War to make it believable. Originally when I wrote this story years ago, it had absolutely zero mentions, so I tried harder this time. I'm glad it looks like I'm succeeding even a little bit!

Thank you so much for the wonderful review! Hopefully you can come back to it soon!

Claire


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Review #17, by Frankie05 Trying to Get Ahead

25th August 2015:
Hey Claire.

I'm beginning to enjoy this story! For a first chapter you have set so many things up so that the story could go in so many directions. I like Julianne. She seems like the kind of person I would want to be friends with. And apparently she doesn't put up with all the Marauder nonsense- telling James like it is. It stinks that she is not so great at Transfiguration but I like that she recognizes that and wants to be better! It's interesting that. Ravenclaw is so behind in school and struggles with subjects. I like that you are breaking the norm with her!

Are her and Sirius going to be getting together in this story- because I'd love that! At first I thought it was going to be James and her - which I would like as well- mostly because you've made me really interested in the main character!

What happened with Lily? I can only imagine something terrible for them to act like this and for Lily to hold a grudge and not forgive her. So I'm excited to see how that works itself out and basically just telling us what happens :)

Quidditch tryouts were interesting. Is she a clutz. Is that why she gets a beaters bat to the face.

I'm looking forward to more of this story :)

*hug*

Author's Response: Hey, Frankie!

I'm glad you like Julianne! She's is my child and definitely one of my favorite Ocs to write out of all my stories. I really wanted to show that just because she's in Ravenclaw doesn't mean that she has to be brilliant at everything. From what I remember of the books, Transfiguration seems like it'd be crazy difficult, so it'd make sense that a lot of people would have trouble with it.

As for all of your questions, well, you'll just have to keep reading to find out! :P

Thank you so much for the wonderful review!

Claire


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Review #18, by TreacleTart Confrontations

24th August 2015:
Hey Claire!

I'm here for our review swap! Since I've read quite a few chapters of this story already, I figured I'd come back and see how Julianne is doing.

I liked that the beginning of this chapter started out with just sort of the normal going ons in the school. We get to see the students studying and the Marauders wrecking havoc to lighten the mood. I adored the reference to the age line. It really made me think of Fred and George in Goblet of Fire.

The little bit of Quidditch practice worked nicely as well. I felt like I really got the impression that life had been crazy busy for Julianne and all of the other students.

I'm not quite sure about how I feel about Julianne's treatment of Snape. I found it to be a bit cruel of her to taunt him when he was already mad and I guess I didn't think she was that type of person. I also think it was pretty foolish of her to make him madder when he was already fuming. Like poking a hornet's nest really.

What Snape did to her was pretty awful though. I'm sure he didn't mean for her to smack her head, but regardless she was left with a concussion. It's lucky that Cameron happened by or things could've been a lot worse.

The whole moment with Sirius and Julianne in the hospital wing was quite interesting. It was amusing seeing Sirius all flustered and unsure of himself for once. The only thing that I have to say about this whole "secret relationship" thing is that in my experience that pretty much equates to a booty call. You get the benefits of being in a relationship without ever really having to acknowledge that you're with the person. I have a feeling that this is probably going to end up hurting one of them. I really hope I'm wrong though.

Anyway, as usual another lovely chapter. This story is progressing along quite nicely and you're doing a good job of keeping everything consistent.

Nice Work!

~Kaitlin

Author's Response: Hey, Kaitlin! I always adore reading your reviews, so I'm glad I get to reread most of them :)

You have no idea how relieved I am to hear that you liked the pranks. As someone who has literally zero experience with pranks of any kind, I struggled so hard to figure one out. I'm glad you liked it so much.

I knew that I wanted to have some sort of interaction between Julianne and Snape, but I wasn't sure how I wanted to do it. I agree with you, Julianne was being intentionally malicious, but at the same time, she is a 15 year old girl who's best friend hates the guy, so exagerated as it may have been, she definitely has a mean streak in her (which I hope to show more of as the story progresses).

I definitely see what you're talking about with the "booty call" thing. Hopefully, it's written in later chapters to show that they really do like each other, they just don't want to necessarily tell their friends before they know it would work.

Thank you again for such an amazing review!

Claire


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Review #19, by carry on with your knitting Headaches

24th August 2015:
Hey! I'm here with your review :)

First off I'd like to say that I am really loving this story!

I thought the characterisation was brilliant and I really loved the way you portrayed the friendship between James and Julianne. I could tell that they must have been close since they were children by the way she impersonated him (which made me chuckle), before I even got to the part where he explains that he can tell when she feels awful. So I'm really looking forward to see more interaction between the two of them! :) I also really like that she defends the way he acts toward Lily, I felt it added another layer to their friendship, and showed that they must know each other really well! :)

I also really enjoyed the way you described Julianne as a Ravenclaw. A lot of fics tend to focus on all Raven claws being ridiculously intelligent, but forget that they are also known to be witty, which I feel is how you portrayed Juliette, so I loved that. She's a really great character and is a great contest to her other Ravenclaw friends who seem to excel at everything. She is a really refreshing character! :)

This is going to sound weird, but I also loved the names 'Julianne,' 'Ivory' and 'Nettie.' They just so pretty and delicate and I think that work really well for the time period. A lot of people tend to disregard that the Marauders were at school in the 1970's, and give their OCs really modern names, but I love that yours are a lot more traditional! :)

I felt the pace of these two chapters was great! It flowed really well from scene to scene, making it very easy to read, which was good! I also liked the way that you continued to add to their work load throughout the too chapters, it made me feel their annoyance at having so much work, if that makes sense? :') I do not miss that work load I used to have at school and it reminded me of that!

I did notice a few spelling errors, but nothing major, it was mostly just missing out a letter or not quite using the right word, but apart from that it's a really promising start and I will definitely make time to read the rest of it! Keep up the great writing!

Katie :)
(carry on with your knitting)

Author's Response: Hey, Katie! Thanks for stopping by for the review!

I'm so happy that you like the relationship between Julianne and James! It was sort of a last minute addition to this story, as previously, it was Kassie who was close to him. It's been really fun exploring a side of James that isn't always on display for everyone else to see.

In my stories, I try to vary how I write all the Houses, just because there's so much more to them than stereotypes. Just because she isn't the top of her class in every subject doesn't mean she isn't smart or intelligent. If she values the traits that Ravenclaw stands for, then I think it shouldn't matter what her grades are.

The names gave me so much trouble when I was first writing this. I have no clue where Julianne came from, but Antoinette aka Nettie took forever to figure out. I'm glad they seem to fit though!

I'm really happy that everything seems so realistic for you! As a second year college student, it's really easy to imagine how much work they have to do haha. And I'm probably handling it a lot more like Julianne than Ivory :P

Thank you again for the absolutely amazing review!

Claire


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Review #20, by darkkid Trying to Get Ahead

12th June 2015:
From the very start I was intrigued with Julianne. I love how her character was portrayed, rolling her eyes at the Professor, not exactly a perfect student who a lot of OC's end up being. She is easy to relate to for the average student.

Your writing is so great! Very easy to follow, nice flow, not overly descriptive to the point where I get bored. It was spot on! This was such a great chapter I'm so glad I read it! I'm curious how her relationships with everyone is going to change over the course of the story!

Cheers!

-raisha

Slytherin - House Cup 2015

Author's Response: Hi, Raisha! Thanks for the review!

I'm so glad you like Julianne. She's is my child and one of my favorite characters to write.

My descriptions used to be incredibly over detailed so thank you for saying that you found it easy to follow and not too descriptive!

Thank you again for the review!

Claire


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Review #21, by Flower n Prongs Nothing Is Immune

12th June 2015:
Hi Claire! =) Me again for another chapter of this.

Is it bad that I want to call this a lighter chapter? Because part of me wants to start this off by saying that it was lighter than a lot of other chapters, with the romance and the conversation with Lily and the awkward secret relationship stuff. But then I realized that one of Julianne's team mates lost his father to Death Eaters and suddenly it seemed like the wrong thing to say. I guess it just goes to show how well you're doing at integrating the dark side of what was happening at this time into the story that a chapter with a murder can still be described as the "light" chapter.

Anyway, the attempts at keeping their relationship a secret was hilarious. The fact that they think they can pull this off for any extended period of time is quite funny, seeing as they are so giddy around each other. With Sirius's worries about them being too close leading to over-correcting and Julianne worrying about being seen looking at them, I can't imagine that this is viable in the long term. Especially when you consider the fact that they are two of James's best friends and that he can read them both so well, it seems like it is already doomed.

We don't see a lot of Lily in this (yet) so I really enjoyed having her show up a bit more in this chapter. The comment about her boyfriend deserving an Order of Merlin for putting up with James's disdain for a month was great. Even better was Julianne's comment about "I have eyes!" regarding Lily and James getting together. There is a lot of humour there, despite the darkness of the story. I can't wait to see how Julianne and Lily come around to each other in the future. Of course, things could be entirely different in a year and a half (for our doomed S&J couple) but that is part of what makes this interesting.

As always, I enjoyed reading this. I'm interested to see where this goes and how long it takes their friends to call them out on their secret relationship. =)

- Rhaenyra

Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015

Author's Response: Hello again!

Aw, thank you so much for the kind words! I'm always worried about the balance, so I'm happy that you think it's working!

I probably had way too much fun writing their 'secret' relationship, but it's honestly hilarious. They definitely can't keep it up for too long, not with their friends.

I kinda see Julianne and Lily's relationship evolving with James and Lily's, but just how that happens, you'll have to wait and see :P

Thank you again for the kind reviews! I always love getting your reviews!

Claire


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Review #22, by Flower n Prongs Confrontations

11th June 2015:
Hi Claire. =)

I was excited to see a full on prank at the beginning of this chapter. You managed to show the fun side of the Marauders, where they tried to be amusing rather than hexing people. I think the fact that their age line had unintended consequences was a good representation of their characters. They didn't always think things through and seem like the type of people prone to impulsivity, so this was good.

The contrast with their later prank (two in one chapter!) was very interesting. Seeing how they purposefully targeted Snape was great for the rivalry between them, especially between James and Snape. Choosing to put Gryffindor colours on Snape is really interesting given Dumbledore's later comments, but at this time it clearly was done to annoy him. The fact that the boys would seek Snape out to bother him really shows of the hatred between them.

In the Quidditch section, there was one bit I think could do with some re-wording. The phrasing of this is a bit awkward: "By the end, all of them were exhausted from trying to stay on their brooms and ready to get back up to the castle, so by the time Julianne and Nettie left, Cameron was the only one left at the pitch." I think splitting it into two sentences would help it fell less like a run-on sentence.

Julianne and Sirius in the hospital wing was nice and fluffy. The whole "let's keep our relationship a secret" thing is a cliche but I adore it and can't wait to see how long they last. Knowing that this relationship has an end date puts a weird spin on reading it as a romance though, I must say!

As usual, your detail to the times is great. Remus said that there was a period in their fifth year that you couldn't walk without getting hoisted by the ankle and you wrote it in so well. I also LOVE that Lily was the one to spread the word on what it was rather than having her as a goody two shoes who wouldn't cast it at all. Muffliato was also nice to see in this context and I'm sure it was a favourite of Sirius & the other Marauders so it was very fitting to see him use it first.

- Rhaenyra

Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015

Author's Response: Hey, Rhaenyra,

Let me tell you, trying to figure out pranks for these guys to do is a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. I'm glad you liked the age line though!

Yeah, for that prank I basically thought "How can I piss Snape off the most" and then went with that haha

It's cliche, I know, but hey, it's fun to write :P

I read this one fic where Lily was 'given permission' by Snape to tell her friends the spell and it all spiraled from there and I loved that so I may have borrowed that from them.

Thank you again for another great review!

Claire


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Review #23, by Scorpuff Under the Mistletoe

6th June 2015:
Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to youu
Happy birthday, dear Claaire
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUU!!

Hello! Didn't expect to see me again, did you? But I'm heree! Ooh, is that cake? :D (guess who's got a James Potter plot brewing for youu)

OMG THEY KISSED THEY KISSED AND THEY LIKED IT YAY FINALLY!! Okay, I'm getting ahead of myself, I should start from the beginning.

I think it was quite low of the marauders to keep hexing Cameron like that. But they never were known to be the most mature lot. And Sirius did seem to do it out of spite. It's obvious he has strong feelings for Julianne but even so, I thought he would think about her happiness before sabotaging her relationship like that. Although he does have a strong point - she did give the marauders permission to do so. And it's understandable that Cameron would feel this way, after putting up with their pranks for so long.

Ugh, Avery and Rosier. They're so ruthless to use the cruciatus curse on a student on Hogwarts premises. I'm surprised Dumbledore didn't know about this earlier. I'm surprised that they got off with just detention. The unforgivable curses can result in a lifetime of imprisonment. I know Dumbledore's the forgiving type but this seems a bit too lax of a punishment. BUT I can totally see him do something like this. And it's weird. Even in canon, he didn't do anything to protect Harry, letting him go through all his experiences without preventing anything. So this seems like something Dumbledore would do as well, which makes me rethink his character. Anyway, I'm going off track. I wish they'd gotten suspended at least for such a thing but well, Dumbledore.

I'm SO glad that the marauders hexed them. At least they got SOMETHING. And I LOVE professor Pratt. She kind of seems like McGonagall, and she's so COOL. :D

I'm glad that Julianne and Sirius made up. It was obvious that they would anyway, and I'm glad she didn't forgive him immediately. And yeah, they should really find other ways to show Julianne that they care.

And then that MISTLETOE KISS. Whoo, that was really something. And I love how you've described it! I am so bad at describing romantic scenes myself so I think you've done an amazing job here! I really hope they get together soon and that Sirius doesn't mess things up.

But. We all know that Sirius didn't really end up with anyone so I'm so interested to see how things will turn out. Assuming that they do get together, I wonder if they'd break up, or he'd be sent to Azkaban and she gives up on him, or what if she DIES. :O

Okay, I'm getting ahead of myself but I can't help it! you're writing is SO GOOD! The flow is amazing and everything is just smooth and easy to read and you really have a knack for writing such things. It's so great!

I loved this chapter! And happy birthday again!

~ Scorpuff

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the wonderful review!

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Review #24, by LadyL8 Headaches

5th June 2015:
Hi Claire.

Here with the review as promised. Sorry it took so long, but I had to re-read the last chapter first because I've read so many good stories lately. And I can't remember all the plots, so I had to skip through the last chapter fast just to remember it again. But I do know, and I remember this story really got to me the first time I read it. I think was mostly because of the amazing Julianne, who I still very much love.

So what better way to start than by letting you know just how much I love. I liked her in the last chapter, because - like I said back then - she's not the stereotypical Ravenclaw. She's not the girl that spends all her reading for school - well, technically she is in this chapter, but that's because of the schoolwork and not because she wants to - or that is at the top of her class. She's a different kind of Claw, and I really like different so I guess that's why I fell for her in the first chapter - because she's very original/unique.

What's interesting here in this chapter, is that you get to see even more of her and her personality. I like that she's this stubborn girl that doesn't like to ask for help or recieve pity of people. She's very headstrong, and I admire people that are like that. It's interesting, though, that she's so clueless when it comes to guys. She seems to have a pretty good idea of when others are involved with each other or someone has a cruch on someone else - like the fact that she knows that Snape and James are both interested in Lily, and that James really cares for Lily and it's not just some joke - but she's so oblivious when it comes to her own love-life. I think that was an element that really made seem even more realistic, because I think a lot of people are like that - very good at figuring out other people's love-lives, but not very good when it comes to your own. So that was cool - I liked that! :)

I like the friendship between James and Julianne, and the story with the fence was very beautiful and very much described Julianne as a character as well as Julianne and James's frienship. Julianne seems to be very protective of James, which makes me think the two are a lot closer than it might seem at first glance. And it makes me really interested in see what will happen next - if they are as close as they seem, why wouldn't Julianne take care of Harry for example? Why wouldn't Harry know about her? So I have bad feeling things will not go well for Julianne, but that would make sense considering we already know how badly things will end for James, Lily, Remus, Peter, Sirius, Snape... basically everyone in this era.

I think I'm shipping Julianne and Remus. I need a ship-name for them. Do you have one? Hmm, what about Jemus? That's sounds kind of strange, but that could just be me. Rulianne sounds even stranger, so that one is out of the question. Maybe something like Remianne. That's sounded a little bit better, but I'm not sure. Hmm... I'm not very good at this. BUT ANYWAY, I really like them together. I think what makes them so interesting is that I love WolfStar, and Julianne sort of reminds me of Sirius in some ways, but I definitely don't think she's as bad as him (don't take that the wrong way, Sirius is my favourite character so I definitely don't hate him). I feel like Remus could calm her down a little and help her with school, but at the same time she could teach him to relax and have a little fun. But that's just my opinion of course :)

I'll have to go now, but I hope you enjoyed this review. I really liked the chapter, and I'll be back very soon - likely tomorrow, because I know someone - not going to mention names - have their birthday tomorrow. And they deserve a gift of course. Consider this - along with the MTA-questions you'll get in a minute or so - the pre-gift, and tomorrow you'll get the real one. Happy birthday in advance, and thanks again for the lovely story.

Many Hugs

Lotte

Author's Response: Hey, Lotte! Sorry for the response taking so long, life has been crazy hectic.

I've been writing this story since October of 2014 and it still makes me so incredibly happy every time someone tells me they enjoy reading about Julianne. She's one of my favorite characters that I've ever written, so it makes my day when someone likes her almost as much as I do.

The friendship between James and Julianne is one that I never intended to write, but it just sort of sprung up when I was doing rewrites one day. You'll have to keep reading (and forcing me to keep writing) to find out what happens with Julianne, but I will say that I am a pretty big stickler for canon.

You are the first person who has read this story to tell me that you ship Remus and Julianne and for some reason it makes me giggle (in a good way). I never even considered them as a couple, but that may be because I'm the writer and I know what comes later. But I'm glad that you enjoy their interactions enough to ship them. They have a much different friendship than James and Julianne or Sirius and Julianne, but I felt like it was an important one to include for her.

Thank you again for the absolutely wonderful review! It made my day to read it again!

Claire


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Review #25, by Flower n Prongs Hogsmeade

5th June 2015:
Hi Claire! I'm here for the BvB review battle. And, as usual, I was excited to get to tag you for another chapter of this story.

I know I've said this before but I was happy to see more of the little canon details that are often overlooked in this chapter. For example, we have yet a new OC with a canon surname in Stebbins. The war is mentioned in passing again, showing that even when it is not the focus of what is going on it is still an important part of what Julianne is living at this time.

One thing I noticed - Valentine's Day was a Monday in 1977. This is such a minor detail that it can easily be fixed. (I'm assuming you were looking at Leap Year, 1976 for this. I've made dumb mistakes date-wise in my story... like when September 1st was, which is a great start to any story!)

Even though we have not seen much of Lily, you have managed to bring in aspects of her character well into this. Simply mentioning her dates and the numerous people James has hexed helps illustrate her beauty, inside and outside.

The tension between Sirius and Julianne is absolutely delicious. They are both clearly interested in each other but avoiding, which is clearly going to be an exercise in futility. The foot-in-mouth syndrome that both Julianne and Peter added to the situation added to the humour of it all in a sometimes depressing story, which was nice. (Maybe not if you were Julianne, but as an outsider looking in it was great!)

I'm looking forward to seeing how the rest of the Quidditch season progresses. Will Julianne win a Quidditch Cup? Will this be the year James finally becomes Quidditch Cup champion, as Snape claimed he was? How will Gryffindor vs. Ravenclaw unfold? I have difficulty integrating Quidditch into my stories thoroughly, especially the first go around, so I'm amazed at how well you have done it. And even though a lot of screen time isn't given to it, simply mentioning the sheer amount of practices (6 days a week! 3 hour sessions!) does a lot to show the Quidditch craze/competition at the time.

Can't wait to see where the rest of this story goes. =)

- Rhaenyra

Author's Response: Hey, Rhaenyra! Sorry for this taking so long, I have just had zero time for HPFF since the summer.

As always, I love that you can pick up on all of the little details because they took forever to research and fit in, especially all of the dates and surnames.

Lily is one of those characters that I really have no idea how to write, just because there is so much to her character in fanon and I don't know which parts I want to include in my version. I'm excited that you like her so far because she definitely gets a larger part in later chapters.

Sirius and Julianne basically just need to get their crap together and realize what's right in front of their faces, but neither one of them are really the best at that haha.

It's such a relief to see that you like the Quidditch in this story because it's crazy difficult to write actual games and practices. I have no clue how people who write solely Quidditch stories do it.

Thank you again for the review!

Claire


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