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Reading Reviews for Invictus
  
24 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Jayna Out of the night that covers me

28th June 2015:
House cup 2015 - Hufflepuff

Hello! This was a very interesting chapter and this whole story overall seems to be in a very interesting format. This chapter was wonderful and you managed to cram a lot into 500 words. I really loved all of the imagery and descriptions you used in this story. I especially liked the way you went beyond regular descriptions to include a ton of figurative descriptions. The ending in this was perfect and really strong and I'm excited to take a look at the next chapter. The second person PoV was immersive and added another layer of originality to this. I really can't praise this piece enough. The flow was perfect, and the style was incredible. Besides that, one thing you managed to capture beautifully was Sirius's mentality as he escaped from Azkaban. Another beautiful detail was the way Siruis felt he lost all three friends in the same night. It was a really original perspective on the Marauders. Overall, this was an exceptional piece and I can't wait to read the next chapter.

-Jayna

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Review #2, by MrsJaydeMalfoy I thank whatever gods may be

28th June 2015:
Here for Hufflepuff, House Cup 2015!

I just can't even right now! I haven't read too many stories about the Prewett brothers, and especially not in their last battle - this chapter was also pretty heartbreaking and so sad. It really makes me think of Fred and George and Fred's death also - Fred lying there and George staring in horror, unable to do anything.

The mention of Molly also crushed my feels - heavily pregnant and she's going to be completely crushed when she finds out what's happened. And what makes it even worse is that the boys are only 18 years old. As Fabian thought, many people must have argued about even allowing them to enter the Order, and then they go on a raid and die, and quite horribly, too. Your description of Gideon's wound was chilling.

This is a very original story - I really like the way you focused on one individual character in one specific moment of their lives.

Really well done!

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Review #3, by evil little devil I thank whatever gods may be

28th June 2015:
The parallels of these twins to Fred and George break my heart. Especially knowing that poor Molly has been at the centre of both disasters, these wars have cost her dearly. You've done a brilliant job of capturing the horrors war - the inevitably of death and destruction, the impact on those left behind, the necessity of such young people giving their lives to save their loved ones. In all three of these pieces you've managed to both capture a really haunting atmosphere that draws you in immediately, and also done a really good job of capturing the essences of the characters - which is no mean feat even across the length of a novel, let alone in such short pieces as these. I can picture this whole scene so clearly in my head, Molly at home, Moody's calming eyes, the battle, the brothers dying - when Gideon falls you can really feel Fabian's pain, like a punch to the stomach. Their deaths feel so pointless, and yet at the same time - as Fabian says, every person choosing to fight can make a difference. Again, I just love how well you've captured the brutality, the pointlessness, the finality of war - you're a wonderful writer!

House Cup 2015 - Hufflepuff

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Review #4, by Dojh167 I thank whatever gods may be

28th June 2015:
Hufflepuff House Cup 2015 Review

Back again!

After seeing you cover much more major characters, it is interesting to see the perspective switched to Fabian. I so rarely even see him in fan fiction, so Iím really glad that youíre given him a shot here.

ďIn a war this large, it might be easy to think that one person wouldn't count for much. You know differently. You know that every single person, by choosing to fight or not to, could alter the end game.Ē Like the house cup!! Okay sorry, Iíll focus.

I love the way that you write Gidon and Fabian together. The contrast between Gideonís steady breath and Fabianís erratic breath is really interesting, and gives us a good picture of how the brothers complete each other. And how you later tie in the uneven thump of Fabianís heart is BRILLIANT. On the nitpicky side though, you use ďsteadyĒ twice within three words.

I like that you had Gideon and Fabian join the Order at so young an age. In a way, it connects them even more strongly to the Weasleys of the next generation (specifically Fred and George).

NO! No killing Weasley twins ever! Not okay! THIS STORY. Okay, the feelings arenít going to end. Fine. Iíll be back for more when you post again, but now Iím prepared for what youíll do to my heart in 500 little words.

Sam.

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Review #5, by evil little devil Black as the pit from pole to pole

28th June 2015:
Oh, I love this! We never really do get much of a sense of who Narcissa is as a person in the books - we only ever really know her in relation to her family. The only real thing we know about her is that she loves her son above all else. And so I love that you've taken this lack of knowledge, and made a story out of it - made that who she is - she is invisible, she is who everyone else wants her to be. That's such a great conceptualisation of her character!
You make me wonder what she would have been like if she had been born outside the rigid confines of her family, her status, her marriage - you should take a stab at a young Narcissa one day, I'm sure you'd do wonders with it!
Another thing I love about this, is that you've written how she outwardly conforms herself to what others expect of her - and yet you don't write this as a weakness, you write it as a strength, and I think that's absolutely marvellous. It's great that you've given her so much agency within the confines of all the constraints that have been placed on her throughout her life. Keeping her true self to herself is her way of survival and rebellion. Gosh, I think I love this chapter even more than the first, just because it's such a wonderfully fascinating conceptualisation of her character.

House Cup 2015 - Hufflepuff

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Review #6, by Dojh167 Black as the pit from pole to pole

28th June 2015:
Hufflepuff House Cup 2015 Review

Iím back! Donít you love the Hufflepuffs attacking this story right now? Because we love you!

Okay, I was a bad girl and peeked at the end of this chapter to make sure I knew who it was going to be about. Iím sorry that I spoiled the ending for myself, but I really LOVE the ending. Okay, now back to the beginningÖ

I really like this idea of Narcissa identifying as a Black. To me it always seems that she really naturally belonged with the Malfoys due to her physical appearance, but this is a very interesting idea you have. To me, growing up in the Black family would be such a powerful and defining experience that I canít imagine anybody ever fully escaping it.

Another significant aspect of Narcissa you tap into here is her silence. She always comes off as the dutifully silent wife, and I really like how you track that development here. I love that you said that she always heard what people said about her. It makes her character very interesting, knowing how much is going on inside her head and how she is aware of what is going on outside of it.

I love the idea of both sides of the war hating her because of her sisters! To me she is just as culpable as the girl who married a Death Eater, which is a very interesting mid-point you have created here between Andromeda and Bellatrix.

OH, and Andromeda as narcissus?? Look at you, having all the cool ideas.

I love how you extend the idea of Narcissa being invisible to effect her pregnancy and the exploration to how far that is true.

Ach, you have me all the Narcissa feels! In part, I wish I could read a lot more of this, but youíve also done a really fabulous job of using so few words so well.

Sam.

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Review #7, by evil little devil Out of the night that covers me

28th June 2015:
Oh wow, this is so hauntingly beautiful - you've packed so much into such a small amount of words, the atmosphere you've created is truly palpable. You really capture his leaving of Azkaban so well - it reads similarly to how it feels to come out of depression, where everything is clearer, brighter, more wonderful - and I suppose this is rather accurate, as dementors are the very embodiment of depression.
Stories about the Marauders always hit me hard - their lives were so short, and so tragic, and despite how sad and melancholic this story is - it's also a lovely, short glimpse of hope, which is really refreshing amid all the doom and gloom of Sirius' life.
The ending is my favourite part - that last paragraph with him looking at the stars. I feel like you really capture the essence of who Sirius is here, and at the same time, this is Sirius coming back to who he is after the fog of Azkaban and dementors has lifted. The spirit of freedom which is so essential to him is especially heartbreaking, as you know that he will end up trapped by circumstance in Grimauld Place, and that his need to be free will contribute to his death.
All in all, this is such a lovely, hauntingly beautiful piece of writing! Your use of second person in particular is amazing, I honestly didn't even notice until the end you melded it in so seamlessly.

House Cup 2015 - Hufflepuff

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Review #8, by Dojh167 Out of the night that covers me

28th June 2015:
Hufflepuff House Cup 2015 Review

Yay, I love stories like this that explore different perspectives! And starting out with Sirius is NEVER a bad idea.

I have read a lot of different stories that explore Siriusí mentality while he is imprisoned in Azkaban, but this is the first one that has done such a stunning job of capturing how he felt when he escaped. The descriptions you use are so powerful and poignant, that I was emotionally right there with him.

Part of what I like about this is that at first Iím not totally certain if he is experiencing this in human or dog form. Using words like knotted hair and tendrils and shed evoke the doggy side of him. Of course, you say ďskin,Ē so it is clear that he is in human form, however it is appropriate that after all of these years the two arenít too easily distinguishable.

And I love that you have Sirius take time to appreciate the BEAUTY. The way that we first see him in PoA he is very dark and obsessed with revenge, so I really love that you gave him this bright optimism here. The line of emerald trees making him think of Harry really got to me.

Weird, but somehow during this chapter I decided I ship Sirius/James. Moving on.

The line about losing three best friends in one night Ė heartbreaking! As fans we tend to think of the Marauders as dying off one by one, but this is a very interesting perspective. I also really appreciate that you gave Sirius the sentimentality to count Peter as a loss.

Hehe, Sirius following a star. Clever thing, you.

Iíll definitely be back for more!

Sam.

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Review #9, by maskedmuggle I thank whatever gods may be

28th June 2015:
Hey again!

I'm back for the third chapter, and this was another insightful piece. At first my mind jumped to Fred/George (even thought they don't fit the earlier things you've said about the older sister, etc) when you said the word 'twin' but then it was Fabian and everything fitted together so perfectly. He's rather a minor character so he completely escaped my mind and it's so, so good reading more about minor characters like him (I love minor characters if you can't tell!) I think the premise you have for this story is wonderful. Whether it's the first or second war, there are so many parallels between them and the effect of war can be felt by everyone both times - because of this consistent theme, even though all your chapters are standalones, they actually all work together really well in telling the story. You described the fighting very realistically - I felt like I was in the middle of all the curses and spells. I really enjoyed all 3 chapters of this and hope to continue reading it!

- Charlotte
Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015

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Review #10, by maskedmuggle Black as the pit from pole to pole

28th June 2015:
Hey again!

This was fantastic. Surprisingly, I found myself enjoying/liking this even more than the first chapter with Sirius. The reason for that is because in this, I thought the portrayal of Narcissa was more insightful and unique - we kind of already know what happens to Sirius, but here I got a feel for Narcissa's thoughts and perspective in a way I've never seen it written. I loved how this chapter linked to the first/and probably makes your whole fic cohesive and consistent thinking about their names and also the final line of the piece. It's great because at the beginning of each chapter I'm reading and trying to work out who it is, and it's always great knowing you're right when reading the end. I thought it was such a good idea portraying Narcissa as the one in the middle, and I found it very believable that she already loved her son, and that she was fearful of her husband and the situation she was in. Now i'm even more excited to read the the 3rd chapter to see where it takes me next!

- Charlotte
Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015

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Review #11, by maskedmuggle Out of the night that covers me

28th June 2015:
Hey!

This was short, but so powerfully written. The sense I got from reading it was exactly the very essence of what Sirius is all about, and what his thoughts and feelings would've been like (hope that makes sense). The characterisation of him was so well done and very realistic. Also, the second person point of view was used and written to such good effect - it heightened the impact of everything that has happened to Sirius and made me feel like I was in his position. Your writing throughout this was beautiful - the descriptive language and the part at the end linking it to his name/stars was creatively done. I really enjoyed this, and I'm really intrigued to see what the next few chapters will hold!

- Charlotte
Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015

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Review #12, by SunshineDaisies I thank whatever gods may be

28th June 2015:
House Cup 2015 Hufflepuff

Ouch. I knew this was going to happen about halfway through and I still wasn't prepared for it when it came. Once again, you've done an absolutely lovely job of getting into a character's head. The thoughts are so appropriate for this moment in his life, appropriate for anyone at war, really. I liked the simplicity of the action sequence here. It's easy to put a lot of detail into those, but I think the terseness really suits the whole style of the story. And of course, you only have so many words to work with. It's very impressive to me that you've been able to capture characters so well in only 500 words. Especially three characters that are so different from each other and in parts of their lives that are so different from each other. Amazing, really.

I think you've done a really excellent job of writing three very powerful stories and giving us a glimpse into three characters lives. Very good work, I hope to see more soon!

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Review #13, by MrsJaydeMalfoy Black as the pit from pole to pole

28th June 2015:
Here for Hufflepuff, House Cup 2015!

Wow. This is just incredible. This chapter just shows a completely different side to Narcissa that I had never even considered or imagined before... and it really makes me pity her, to be honest. As you've described her here, she's caught between two sides of the war, completely unnoticed between her two sisters who 'outshine' her (for different reasons, of course).

And then there's the really heartbreaking way that she hopes Lucius won't find out she's pregnant. It seems that many people debate in fic whether Narcissa and Lucius are actually in love, or if they only married for their pure blood, etc. This leaves no doubt in the reader's mind about the answer to that question.

Even more chilling are Narcissa's worries about if the baby is a girl, and that it will have to grow up with a father who doesn't love it. You really helped the readers to sympathize with Narcissa by putting this spotlight on her - well done!

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Review #14, by SunshineDaisies Black as the pit from pole to pole

28th June 2015:
House Cup 2015 Hufflepuff

What an interesting interpretation of Narcissa! I haven't read one quite like it before, and I'm really quite fond of it. You always see her painted as a very vain, proper upper class lady, but here you've done a really great job of making her something a bit different. It was such a joy to get inside her head! I never would have expected Narcissa to feel invisible, let alone want to be invisible. Of course, it makes perfect sense. Her sisters seemed to have pretty big personalities, and we know that she never took a real stance on the war. She just wanted to protect her family. You portrayed that so well here! You can see it now, eighteen years before she lies to Voldemort's face because she wants to protect her son.

Your writing is really lovely as well. You're using the second person masterfully (and I love second person so so much), and the language is just lovely. (This stands for the first chapter as well, I just thought I'd mention it now. :))

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Review #15, by MrsJaydeMalfoy Out of the night that covers me

27th June 2015:
Here for Hufflepuff, House Cup 2015!

Wow. This is truly breathtaking. I can honestly say I've never read a story immediately following Sirius' escape from Azkaban before, so you get HUGE props there for originality!

I loved how you said that every little thing amazed him with its beauty. I can imagine that, after being cooped up in Azkaban for so long, that's exactly how Sirius would have felt seeing flowers or trees again - that's very realistic!

And the thoughts that you mentioned about Remus and James and Peter's betrayal would definitely have gone through his mind also. For Sirius to have escaped Azkaban just to go and find Peter shows just how truly angry he still was, even after all those years, and how determined he still was to protect Harry.

I loved the reference at the end to Sirius' star name, and how he outshined the rest of his family, because he most certainly did.

Well done!

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Review #16, by SunshineDaisies Out of the night that covers me

27th June 2015:
House Cup 2015 Hufflepuff

Oooh! I really like where this story seems to be going. The characters you've chosen to focus on so far are some of my favorites (minor characters! ah) and I'm excited to see what you do with them! You're off to a really great start with this one. I think Sirius is a really difficult character to capture, and I think you've done a really good job here. Obviously we don't see too much of him, but the little glimpse we do have is just spectacular. His thoughts and feelings seemed to be so inline with how Sirius acts in canon. It really does sound like his voice, and JKR is hard to imitate. I love that you chose to depict this scene in particular. I hadn't thought much about Sirius's escape, and the thoughts and feelings he must have had directly afterward. So on point.

I loved the references to the dog star as well. I think that's a really cool comparison to make with the Black family, and I think it's especially appropriate for Sirius. He's definitely the brightest star in the sky.

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Review #17, by pointless_proclamations I thank whatever gods may be

27th June 2015:
LOTTIE!!

I am back. This story continues to be so wonderful and amazing. I am consistently in awe of how well-written it is. In so few words, you are able to get well inside the head of Fabian Prewett and explore his character at great length.

Immediately, you capture our attention. The events occurring are intense. Fabian's passion, stress, determination--all of his emotions are evident. The fight is incredibly fast-paced and I love the way you've written it. You went: slow, fast for the fight, then slow again and it just creates the most beautiful effect. "Energy saps from your body as your heart slows to a single thump." THAT IS SUCH A BEAUTIFUL LINE!

Once again, the way you've managed to write an entire and complete story in exactly 500 words. Once again, everything about it seemed so natural. Your integration of the poem continues to be extremely clever. Lottie, I cannot wait to read your next chapters.

Love,
Em

House Cup 2015 - Slytheirn

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Review #18, by crestwood Black as the pit from pole to pole

10th April 2015:
Hi Lottie!

I reviewed the first chapter of this way back when and I can't believe it's taken me this long to get back to this story. Each chapter is only 500 words after all! On top of that, I love the poem that this is based on, so this concept has a lot of potential, if you ask me.

I love the idea that, despite Narcissa being a Malfoy by marriage, she always feels defined by her original Black family name. I'm sure that during the time she went to school, that name had quite a lot of baggage that she must still feel long afterwards.

I love the theme of invisibility that imbues this chapter. She just stood by, listening, attempting to blend into the background. That's a little different from what I've always imagined her as, but then, maybe that's because I've never exactly tried to get into her head or written about her very much and, like she said, other people only saw what she allowed them to. And, as the books are from Harry's perspective, that would certainly apply to him.

This is such an excellent study of her character. I've never considered how she must have felt with one sister eloping with a Muggleborn and the other becoming a Death Eater. I see how that'd lead to both sides seeing her in a negative light--because people tend to focus on the negative. It's really sad that she feels like she doesn't have a name at all.

And your Lucius in this story is definitely not sympathetic. Treating his wife as nothing more than decoration is..not good. To say the least. I can see this version of him though. I can also see him deeply caring about his family when I see things written that way. I think his characterization can go in a great number of ways.

You referenced the source of her name! Interesting that she isn't very much like what her name would suggest, but both of her sisters happen to be. Only reinforces that she would feel like she only exists in comparison to them and that it's almost like she doesn't have a name.

So, this is when she gets pregnant with Draco, I see. Which means that the first war isn't yet over, but close to being so. I can hardly imagine how she would feel, if she thinks she has need to be frightened of Lucius now that she's having a child. I found the line about the child only being half her and therefore not invisible to be particularly excellent. I see that Lucius is a very strict 'continuing the family line' pureblood here, but wow, I don't think I've ever seen anyone in fic that would actually murder a baby for being female. I've read some fics in which the female siblings is sort of cast aside, but this is a bit more extreme and terrifying. Of course, it's only something that Narcissa considers and may not be the truth, but a horrifying thought anyway.

The end is so amazing. You never used her first name until the very last line, which almost goes unnoticed because of how strongly you've written this. Such an depth look into her mind. So very intriguing the way you've characterized her and Lucius and your writing is as impressive as ever. This is one of my favorite 500 word stories ever. I've seen a lot of really great, and really short, stories, but this is up there with the best. I can't believe you packed so much meaning into this. And the second person point of view was done perfectly as well. I loved it. Thanks for the swap.

Author's Response: Joey, how am I even supposed to respond to this?! I'm just gonna maul you with hugs and thanks because seriously, you are amazing. :D

You like the poem too? Yay! Haha, it is an amazing poem, and definitely one of my favourites.

I think I may have an obsession with the family of Black. I love trying to get my head around them and their personalities, and they are very interesting. I had to convince myself to not just write about them, or else the story would just be about them :P

I did! I'm glad you picked up on that point, because that was really what I hoped to put across. She is transparent in a way, because her sisters are so bold and bright that everyone sees them and don't really notice Narcissa. They see what they want instead of what is there.

I like it when you feel as if you can't quite trust the narrator, because everything is biased from their opinion. That's what I was hoping for with the Lucius part. I don't think he would kill his own child, but Narcissa was understandibly worried given that he is a Death Eater. She knows the things that Bellatrix is capable of (even if she isn't mad at this point, my headcanon of her is that she still has very strong views on blood purity and will go to great lengths to act on her beliefs) and expects that her husband would not be any different.

Thank you so very much! I'm really glad you liked it. Gah you are too kind to me. ♥ Thank you.

Lottie


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Review #19, by StarlightAsteria Out of the night that covers me

29th December 2014:
Hi Lottie!

Thought I'd drop by and see what you've been up to :)

First off, I LOVE your use of 2nd person POV. It is incredible. And Sirius is an interesting choice to start this story with - you definitely have me drawn in, and in five hundred words! Your attention to detail - what you choose to describe, what you choose to omit, really creates a very particular atmosphere. It is unlike any of the 'I've just been released from Azkaban' stories I've read - by focusing on what Sirius now sees rather than what he has left behind by juxtaposing them, mon amie - that is pure genius.

Your use of symbolism, your descriptions of both the physical and of memories, work really well together. It's not overblown - it is poetic. Every word counts, and, well, all I can say is keep going, and I'm favouriting this immediately :)

Celi xxx

Author's Response: Hey Celi!

Gah, thank you so much for that fantastic review. I honestly cannot stop grinning.

I'm very glad you liked the second person, it is quickly becoming my favourite tense in which to write. The 500 words has been the hardest part, because it takes a while to get it exactly 500 and still have told a slight story. There were a few characters that I considered putting first, but Sirius worked the best when I mulled it over. N'aww Celi *hugs* you are far too kind to me :)

Thank you so much! I have the third chapter ready for the New Year, so hopefully I'll get it up pretty quickly :) you favourited it?!?! I now have warm fuzzy feelings in my chest.

Lottie
x


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Review #20, by marauderfan Black as the pit from pole to pole

9th November 2014:
For our review swap!

Wow, this is a really interesting piece. Such a sad illustration of Narcissa's life :( but what struck me most of all about this was her reflections on invisibility, and how she's stuck between two sides -one side sees her as the Death Eater's sister, one side sees her as the blood-traitor's sister. It's as if she doesn't really know who she is, and wasn't given the time to figure it out before she married Lucius.

It's so sad - I wonder what she could have been if she'd had the time and the freedom to find herself. But in order to be a Black, which it seems is her highest goal, she has to follow the rules, which she does to a T. What an interesting story - it definitely made me think.

Well done!

Author's Response: Thank you for such an amazing review!

You've certainly picked up on pretty much everything I hoped to convey with Narcissa. I think the fact that she is the third sister is really the cause of her being stuck in the middle. Both her older sisters have distanced themselves from each other and she doesn't know who to follow. If it were up to her then I think she would drag them both back to her right in the middle, to their childhood where they all were proper sisters. That's kind of where I was hinting with Narcissa's wanting to be a Black. Now the sisters are separated, potentially for life, which is shown by their different surnames.

It is great that it made you think! I give you my thanks again,

Lottie :)


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Review #21, by pointless_proclamations Black as the pit from pole to pole

9th November 2014:
Lottie,

I had to keep reading, I had to!

It's taking a while because I'm speechless. This is a new favourite story of mine, by the way. ;)

I love the way you explored perception and reality and how they can both be so different from each other here. Once again, the very premise of this story blows my mind figuratively speaking, of course. Your take on Narcissa is novel and unique. You've explored her in ways that intrigues me and I love it. I have so much empathy for her because you've written so beautifully, you see? There are so many emotions and once again, it all flows so smoothly. I cannot get over how talented you are!

It's amazing the way you are creating an entire story from Henley's 'Invictus.' It's a wonderful poem and your incorporation of it is equally wonderful. :D

Cheers,
Em

Author's Response: Em, I am so, so pleased that you like it! Next chapter should be up soon, I just need to send it to the queue.

I wasn't sure how people would take my version of Narcissa. I have written her as she is in my head-cannon, which may not quite be how everybody else imagines her. Hence the fact that you are empathising with her really makes me grin. Gah, thank you lovely!

I really admire Henley for his poetry, so a complement like that has made my day. :)

Thank you so much Em!

Lottie


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Review #22, by pointless_proclamations Out of the night that covers me

9th November 2014:
Lottie!

Your writing is undeniably poetic and beautiful and GAHH!

This is brilliantly artistic! You've explored such a wide range of emotions (from wonder to annoyance to pride to sadness to the feeling of freedom) and in such a short story! It's so precise, the way you've written it. I am slack-jawed in awe.

Your descriptions are just wonderful. The way you captured just an ordinary day as if Sirius is seeing it again for the first time in ages is squee-worthy.

Every word of yours surprised me with its beauty the way every little thing about the world outside Azkaban surprise Sirius with its beauty!

He is written so good here! I love the way you characterised him. Everything he does here speaks volumes. It's like he's slowly regaining his senses and his strength.

It is even more impressive considering that you wrote this all in a second-person point of view. One little, tiny thing that may not even be a thing: 'Remus could barely stand to look him in the eye all those years ago.' Did you mean 'to look you in the eye?'

Moreover, the story flows so smoothly, too! From Sirius's observations of his surroundings to his memories about the Marauders and his family. Holy cow, Lottie!

You don't even feel constrained by the word count at all! I felt as if everything that needed to be in this chapter was there. It felt complete.

I love this! :D

Your fan,
Em

Author's Response: EM! :D

I happily return your hugs that you mauled me with in a response somewhere. I don't know how to reply to reviews like yours because they are so amazing that I feel inadequate when replying.

I can't believe I missed that 'he'! Thank you muchly for pointing it out. I've changed it now, as you were - as always - correct.

I have a personal challenge to write this whole thing in second person, and to have each chapter 500 words exactly. I've never posted anything more than single-chaptered stories on HPFF before, so this is a big step for me and I couldn't not do it. I mean, the poem is really inspiring and yeah...

He is! He is regaining all his senses after being in Azkaban for so long, that is exactly what I was hoping for someone to say :)

I am so glad you liked it. I think I may over worry about these things like flow and characterisation, and you have really released some of those fears with this review so thank you.

Lottie


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Review #23, by Aphoride Out of the night that covers me

13th October 2014:
Hey there! :) Dropping by for our review swap!

Can I just say first of all that I am so, so impressed and amazed by how you've managed to write Sirius - and so well! - in 500 words? I could never, ever do that, let alone half as well as this, so seriously, major kudos to you for that! :)

I love the way you've written him here, too. I love the idea of taking what seems like a relatively insignificant moment - him walking around outside Azkaban in England - and turning it into this beautiful remembrance almost of his friends and everything. It's just so gorgeous.

I loved how he was so taken away by the beauty of everything outside - simple things like flowers and grass and so on. I never really thought that much about what Azkaban would do to you like that, but now I've read this I can't really separate one from the other. I loved the references to pride, with him holding his head up, and the courage he has - fierce and reckless - displayed so well and so beautifully in this, with him shivering at the thought of night and forcing himself to know they won't be coming, as though he's forcing himself not to be scared.

The references to James and Lily and Harry and even Peter, and Remus were just so heartbreaking. It was so so sad to read about them from his point of view - about Peter's betrayal and what that caused, for James and Lily and Harry, and Remus too. There was this sort of tone of almost revenge under the surface, though I don't know if that was me reading into it (but I'm inclined to believe it was your writing) which I just loved, too.

The ending was just amazing. Seriously. I love anything with Blacks which references stars because why not, right? :P So yeah, it was just gorgeous. The whole thing was gorgeous - your writing is amazing :)

So yeah, I really loved reading this! Thank you so much for the swap! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Aph, thank you so much for this review. I didn't want to respond because it makes me so happy every time just looking at it. Thank you! *hugs*

I think you have probably written about as many words in this review as there are words in this chapter :o I'm Siriusly impressed. Yes, the pun is very terrible and very deliberate :P what can I say? I loved writing him.

You've picked up so much here. I am in awe of how much you've noticed. You've basically picked up on everything I was trying to put across, so I am now unbelievably happy. As for the stars, I'm so glad you liked that bit. I'm pretty sure it's compulsory to reference them when talking about the Blacks ;)

My heart goes out to you right now, it really does. Thank you so much for this amazing review, and for the swap!

Lottie


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Review #24, by crestwood Out of the night that covers me

13th October 2014:
Hi Lottie!

I am a huge fan of stories with multiple character arcs and out of order chronology. I just love unique or strange stories.

This is so well written. There's something about being inside of the mind of someone who's just escaped from Azkaban that's both liberating and saddening at the same time. I love his rediscovering the beauty of the outside world, but then I think about the state of his life and all of his friends and it's quite depressing. I think you've walked that fine line really perfectly here. I adore anyone who can make me feel such a wide range of emotions in a 500 word story because I know just how difficult these can be to write. Your prose is absolutely perfect here, by the way. Not a misplaced word as far as I can see. I can't wait to see what other characters and moments you explore next, this was really exceptionally good. Thank you for the swap!

Author's Response: Joey!
Thank you so much :D I'm really glad you like it, I wasn't sure if this would work or not. It's just the poem is so amazing (it is one of the few I know by heart) that I had to try and bring it in somewhere. My personal challenge is to 1. finish this, and 2. make every chapter exactly 500 words. Sirius has such a sad story, especially because he lost everyone he cared about that night. The ones who didn't die abandoned him. And as a child, he had no one but his brother, really. I find it amazing that he managed to build his life back up again after that.
Gah, thank you! You are making me blush with all these lovely comments.
Lottie


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