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6 Reviews Found

Review #1, by May A New Beginning

26th July 2015:
Good story can't wait for next chapter

Author's Response: I will be posting the next Chapter August 14th! Thank you for waiting and your patience!

Love,
Lily Luna


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Review #2, by May Chapter 2 : Number 12, Grimmauld Place

26th July 2015:
Wonder what's different about albuses wand

Author's Response: You will soon find it out :)

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Review #3, by May Chapter 1 : The Potters

26th July 2015:
Really loving your story

Author's Response: Thank You May.. :)

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Review #4, by Fantasia A New Beginning

5th July 2015:
I'm really enjoying this story so far! New teacher, eh? That tends to... set off warning bells in my head. I guess we'll see where that goes. I really like your characterizations of Albus, Rose, Scorpius, and James and I'm DYING to know what's up with Albus's wand. Did it belong to someone famous? Harry better open up and read that letter next chapter. Please update soon!

Author's Response: Thank you for the beautiful review.. I will update soon.. I am currently caught in college work.. :)

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Review #5, by MargaretLane Chapter 2 : Number 12, Grimmauld Place

18th March 2015:
LOVE the idea of Dean being a good architect. It just adds a bit more detail to a character who we don't really know all that much about the personality of.

And calling the place after Fawkes is inspired and makes a lot of sense. Hopefully, the wizarding world too can rise from the ashes of the war.

When you talk about the Auror Department being headed by Harry, "headed" doesn't need a capital "h".

Aw, the idea of Dobby and Winky having a baby elf is just so cute.

The idea of Hermione trying to rename the baby is a bit paternalistic though. Which, of course, Hermione can be. Wizards choosing the name, rather than Winky, is all kinds of problematic.

I think it is very realistic that Winky would want her child to raised to serve a master and equally realistic that Harry would be very uncomfortable with this. Especially since Dobby would DEFINITELY want his child to be free.

And of COURSE Percy is talking about politics. Surprise, surprise.

I like Fred and Roxanne being so young. I've always seen them as among the youngest of the family, because I find it hard to imagine George marrying and taking on the responsibility of fatherhood at a young age. Of course, the war and the loss of Fred COULD have changed him, but on the whole, I'd imagine him taking a while before he settled down.

And I like the way you show us George is still struggling to come to terms with the loss of his twin. It sounds like Arthur is worried about him, which is understandable. 19 years is a long time to grieve for.

These sentences, "How many waking hours had he spent hoping that Fred would come back at least as a Ghost. How many years had he spent waiting at the tiny room over their shop hoping he could catch Fred's spirit sneaking in to finish their unfinished merchandise experiments" should have question marks at the end of them.

And I can TOTALLY imagine Fred coming back as a ghost, thinking the next world wouldn't be half as much fun as this one.

Love the line about how, when the Death Eaters killed Fred, they also killed George's soul.

Hmm, Fred sounds like his namesake.

LOVE how Ginny points out that Harry is "not helping".

I suspect Albus will get his secret wish of having a few adventures. Whether he'll enjoy them as much as he expects or not is another matter.

And going on that line alone, I think he will probably be a Gryffindor. Most people would probably be secretly scared of going to Hogwarts, if they heard about murders and battles taking place there, so the fact that Albus reacts by thinking it sounds fun makes me think "Gryffindor".

'"Though I agree that Fred and George did have their influence on him", said Harry.' The comma should be before the inverted commas.

Hmm, I wonder what Lily is up to. I doubt you'd bring it up if she was just eating sweets.

For the HPFF Fundraiser.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your suggestions and appreciations. I have been away for a long time now and I am hoping to finish this fanfiction soon. Thank you, once again.

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Review #6, by MargaretLane Chapter 1 : The Potters

13th September 2014:
*grins* I LOVE next generation mysteries. And your description of the new teachers to appear in this sound really interesting.

Hmm, Kingsley appears right at the beginning. Interesting... I assume he's still Minister, but I could be wrong. After all, nineteen years have passed.

Oh, you omitted the comma at the end of the second line of dialogue and you have the commas outside the quotation marks on some of the others. The convention is generally that they be inside. Unless that's a cultural thing, but I don't think I've seen them outside in English, American or Australian books either.

Love the introduction of another wizarding nation and I REALLY like the fact that their Ministry seems to be involved in this mystery and it's not just the British taking control. The fact that they are suspected of smuggled stuff into Britain gives the British a realistic reason for being involved.

I wonder if there is going to be a Dark Lord in these stories or if it's going to be more ordinary crimes like smuggling dark items.

Are you planning a series or is this just a one-off? Or have you not decided yet?

I'm probably being REALLY nit-picky here, but the conversation seemed to jump kind of suddenly from discussion of dark items and smuggling to Albus starting Hogwarts.

Another really nit-picky detail, but I doubt Ginny'd call Mrs. Weasley "Mom". I know you can't say with certainty that no British person would use an American term, but she doesn't in canon and it seems less likely that wizards would use American terms in Britain than Muggles would, as they wouldn't have TV to get them from.

*laughs at Neville's son* This is rather a coincidence as in my next gen, Neville has a son called Frankie, who'd probably have been about 10 months old at this point. So only about a year and a half younger than your version. And Lily also loves him. As does Albus, to a lesser degree.

Like your description of how Diagon Alley has changed.

Poor Albus. It's pretty embarrassing to have your parents holding your hand when you are heading for your teens.

Hmm, between the mention of the philosopher's stone here and the mention of a relative of Flamel's in the summary, I've a feeling the philosopher's stone is going to play a part in the mystery. Maybe the villain is going to try and repair it so as to achieve immortality.

I was rather disappointed there didn't turn out to be anything dodgy about Ollivander, when it was hinted throughout the series that there was something creepy about him. It didn't even seem to be a bluff, as nobody even suspected him of anything at any point. And now you are continuing the mysteriousness. I wonder if he'll play a part in this series.

The line that "Albus almost doubted himself of being a Squib," is phrased a little oddly. That would imply he's beginning to think he's NOT a Squib. Something like "almost suspected himself of being a Squib" or "almost doubted he was magical" might sound better.

And oh, Ollivander is hiding something. This DOES sound like he's going to play a part in this story, maybe not so much as an individual as as a wandmaker. Maybe he knows something mysterious about Albus's wand that he isn't saying.

I can see Rose ending up in Ravenclaw in this story. Not so sure about Albus. I could see him in Slytherin or Gryffindor or Ravenclaw. And now, he'll probably end up in Hufflepuff, just because I haven't considered it. The main reason I haven't is because with the way James sneers about Hufflepuff, I'd imagine he'd tease Albus about ending up there if Albus had any possible Hufflepuff characteristics.

Hmm, I wonder why Ollivander is writing to Harry. It looks like there is more than one mystery going on here, though they might all turn out to fit together in the end.

Author's Response: thank you for the response.. i am working on my second chapter now and will post it in few days.. its really good to have a positive review..
I am going to write a series.. I have outlined the plot.. Just hoping that people will like reading it.. I wanted it to be for kids and adults alike.. hope I get positive reviews for all my chapters..


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