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Reading Reviews for Lost Lullaby
  
2 Reviews Found

Review #1, by True Author From Fire to Ice

19th October 2014:
Hi! I'm here with your challenge prize reviews! I've reviewed this story for now, but if you want the rest of the reviews on any other story you can PM me and let me know. You still have two reviews left! :)

Wow, what an interesting concept. It's very very hard to write such characters but you've done a really great job, I must say! I've also written a story where my protagonist is in Azkaban and I know it's pretty tough. You are very good and grammar and vocabulary too. I wish I was as good at it as you are!

Hmm... I can't figure out what Lily must have done to end up in Azkaban. :O And it was so "Harry" to turn up there to meet his daughter. I liked that. I just think you should make clear who your protagonist is or at least who Harry is. I understand that it would spoil the feel you want to create. But maybe you can say that the patronous was a stag? That would be really great. :D

Wonderful story! I would love to come back for more!

Ashwini

Author's Response: Oh that's a great idea about the patronus! Yes, I wanted it clear that it was Harry and Lily without really saying it.

It was so hard to balance getting all the concrete details in and making the situation clear while still keeping Lily's perspective the same. I'm not sure I accomplished that as well as I hoped, but I'd like to go back to this for a few rounds of edits.

Thank you so much for the lovely review! I always enjoy getting feedback and critiques. I will definitely use some of your suggestions if/when this story gets a few rewrites. :)


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Review #2, by blackthoughtsredwriting From Fire to Ice

30th August 2014:
Very interesting read. I both love and hate how you don't explain who is actually in the story. I do wish you would've explained what she did to deserve Azkaban though.

Your grammar and vocabulary is pretty good. No mistakes that I saw =)

All in all, a very good read. I hope to read more from you in the future

blackthoughtsredwriting

Author's Response: Thank you! It was a scene between Lily and Harry, but I didn't want to explicitly state that because it didn't feel right within the context of her narration. It's hard to straddle the line between a narrator who's not mentally stable and telling the story. The reason she's in Azkaban has to do with the fire she kept seeing, but that I did want to leave up for interpretation.

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! I'm glad you enjoyed it. :)


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