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Reading Reviews for Out of order
  
16 Reviews Found

Review #1, by alicia and anne Bad Guy

19th January 2015:
I love how you've written this, you've really captured the way that Mundungus talks and I couldn't help but picture him whilst reading. Although my mind kept flashing to a proper cockney geezer! haha the Del boy of the wizarding world! :P

And even though I dislike Mundungus for selling Sirius' things (Such a lowlife) I disliked Umbridge more! So I felt a little sorry for him for having to deal with her and for having to drop out of school to provide for his sick mother.

You've done a great job, managing to convince me to feel sorry for Mundungus. Fantastic one shot! :D

Author's Response: I spent a ridiculously long time studying Mundungus' speech patterns for this story and I'm so glad that people thought I did justice to his way of speaking. If I got you to feel even a little sorry for such an unsympathetic character, I've done my job well. Thank you for the review :)

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Review #2, by Maelody Bad Guy

12th January 2015:
Hi, crestwood! You're in the hot seat AND my review partner for the week/month, so I figured I'd start from the bottom of your list and work on up! :D

This is actually a really unique piece of work here! Since you've finished it in just a couple of hours I'm doubly impressed! I never gave much thought to Mundungus Fletcher before, so the whole thing was pretty unique to me.

First off, kudos for you for keeping his accent up the whole way through! I loved reading it because my mind was reading in a rough sort of cockney accent and I felt semi British just for reading silently in my head! That' was just the added bonus though of actually getting to read something as unique as this!

So I won't say I feel completely sorry for Mundungus, but I'm pretty close to it. It seems like my theme of the week with reading has been about students who drop out of Hogwarts before O.W.Ls and living afterwords. It would be hard considering how much they stress that those are the most important exams for one's wizarding career. Too bad he couldn't go for a better Muggle job. Even though he doesn't have any school credits with them either, a school dropout in the Muggle world would survive better than a Hogwarts dropout I would think. I do feel for his mother, though. He did the right thing in wanting to take care of her, and it sucks he was handed the short end of the stick.

I liked the whole confrontation with Umbridge, too. She was pretty spot on for the most part. The only thing I missed was her little 'hem hem' ;). Truly though, it's nice to see the view in which she obtained the locket.

My favorite part though was when Scabior and the other goons were chasing him. Usually I do not like reading heavily action packed scenes in stories because I often get lost. I mean, I had to re-read Hedwig and Fred's deaths multiple times in Deathy Hallows just to figure out how exactly it was they died. That's how bad I am with action in books, but this was broken down pretty easily. I knew where Mundungus was, and I knew where Scabior and his goons were. The spell use was vivid and just how dangerous it was (a spell zooming just near his head) came out very clearly.

Honestly, I enjoyed reading this piece very much! I can't say that I'll go out and read more Mundungus Fletcher stories (he still sort of creeps me out) but I'm very happy to have come across this one! Job well done!

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Review #3, by Secret Santa Bad Guy

30th December 2014:
Hello hello! It's your very late Secret Santa finally stopping by with a few reviews on your stories! I appreciate your patience with me.

Now, let's get to the review.

First of all, I must say I'm impressed with your decision to write about such an uncommon character! I tend to stick to the big, main ones so I love it when people can surprise me with little backstories on the ones we know less about. And you did such a great job with him as well! I have never been brave enough to attempt an accent in the dialogue of a character I'm writing. (Probably why I've never tried to write Hagrid, even though I love him.) I think you did a brilliant job here!

I also loved how you filled in a missing scene from the books with this fic. We all know the locket went from Mundungus to Umbridge, but you showed how that might have happened.

I particularly enjoyed how he got the best of the three chasing him. That was a good bit of dodging! And I liked how you gave him a past and a life outside of what little we see in the books, or even what was needed for this little tale.

Great job! Glad to have read it! Off to find another one.

Author's Response: Why, hello!

Don't even worry about being late, I really don't mind. (I'm kind of notorious for being late to all sorts of things if I find myself even a little bit overwhelmed by something in RL)

I must say that I don't think I ever would have written such a minor character if not assigned one for a challenge, but it was a really fun experience! I studied his accent for literal weeks before even attempting to write a sentence of this story haha.

I'm glad you liked this, even though I'd consider this one of my less Well Written stories. I still like it of course, but I do think I've improved since. I still like to receive reviews on this every now and then to see what people think. Thank you :)


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Review #4, by AdinaPuff Bad Guy

10th November 2014:
Hi, Joey!

So I've heard many, many good things about this one shot, and never got around to reading it. But this is the perfect opportunity, and I loved it! Oh my gosh, I can imagine why you were so unsure. I would be terrified to write something like this and publish it. But this was just absolutely phenomenal. Just wow. Mundungus's voice in this... just absolutely perfect. I can picture him saying every last word in this one shot. Just wow.

That last line is perfection, Joey!

Thanks for the swap! :D Sorry this is so short.

-Leigh

Author's Response: Hi Leigh!

I get so happy when people say that they've *heard* about my writing. I don't know if that's just me or what, but even if only one person ever recommends my story, I feel like I've accomplished like EVERYTHING.

Mundungus' voice took me so much research to get right. I read every line he had in the books and came to understand what words his accent would come out on and I actually took it so seriously when it comes to nailing his dialect, so I get SO happy how most of the reviews mention that. And the last line was not even supposed to exist. I had another scene planned and then I realized it would take me forever to write and I was coming up on the deadline, so I just had him insult the reader and called it a day. Which is why *this* story, of everything I've ever written getting nominated for a Dobby was, like, the strangest thing that's ever happened to me.

I don't mind short reviews when they come from you because you're always so kind, regardless of length! Thank you for this one! :)


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Review #5, by StarlightAsteria Bad Guy

22nd October 2014:
Hi!

This is the best writing about Mundungus I think I've ever seen! There were so many things I loved about this. First off, your use of dialect. It wasn't overdone at all (which I think is the common trap), and gave him a very coherent, distinctive voice, which was also highly realistic. It was also at times rather humorous, I think you are spot on with your interpretation of him, and the whole tone of the first person POV meant I actually felt quite sorry for him, and understood a character I don't think I ever understood in the books/films, where he comes across as a very stereotypical cowardly lowlife, like a bit of Shakespearean cameo, but you've made him so much more than that!

Speaking of cameos, I really loved the Umbridge one. I think contrasting her amoral evil with another character who is often considered 'bad', really made it clear that though he isn't squeaky clean, Mundungus is not in any way malicious. And the notion that his stealing started in order to feed his mother definitely humanised him even more!

A fabulous one shot, so well done!

Celi xxx

Author's Response: Hi Celi!

I spent so long studying Mundungus' way of speaking and which words his accent would come out on and I got it as close to canon as I could! I'm really glad that people actually thought I did well with that.

Your mention of a Shakespearean cameo makes me so happy, wow. That's such an amazing connection and I will always think of him as that from now on! I wanted this to be a tad humorous, a little sad and everything in between. I'm just glad I was able to get that across.

I always wanted to write that scene with Umbridge and this was the perfect chance for me to do it! I'm so happy I was able to give Mundungus some humanizing!

Thank you for this review!


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Review #6, by milominderbinder Bad Guy

14th October 2014:
Hi Joey! Here for our review swap :D

So I picked this because as you MAY have noticed, I have a slight addiction to minor characters ;) Mundungus is one of the hardest characters EVER to do something with, so I was super intrigued to see how you captured him! And I thought you did a GREAT job!

At first I just thought Mundungus was trying to make excuses for his bad life but actually was just the petty criminal from canon. It was funny hearing him complaining about things like having to give Umbridge the stolen necklace for free, because he felt so hard done by when he was in the wrong, too! I thought I was just reading a fic about a very self absorbed and mean, if funny, criminal.

But then in those last few paragraphs, you totally changed the track of the whole thing, and it was so powerful! Without changing the tone of Mundungus's voice at all - he was still slightly insulting to us and sounded very defensive - you gave such a realistic explanation for why he might be the way that he is. And the fact that he dropped out to help his sick mother, and it's left him unable to find proper work ever since, shows such an emotional side to him which I have never seen before, it made me so sad!

I liked how you kept it in his vernacular the whole time, using the kind of words he would have and showing his pronunciation in his thoughts. That really gave the tone to the piece and kept the atmosphere of his life very consistent.

So yeah, overall I think you did a great job with this one! This a character I really would never have thought about exploring and you gave him such a fresh view - but without changing his actions or personality from canon at all. Well done!

~Maia

Author's Response: *hides face* I've taken so long to answer this.

You're basically the greatest minor character writer alive, so I'm so happy that you thought I did okay with this.

I really wanted it to seem as though he was kind of complaining about nothing the whole time because I thought that'd make the ending that much more impactful. I'm a huge fan of emotional whiplash and I rarely stick to one mood over the course of even the shortest of stories.

I'm so glad I managed to make this unredeemable criminal somewhat sympathetic!! His character leaves very little room for actually making him likable, so I just kind of went with making him super insulting to us all.

I studied the way he talks for like two weeks before I wrote this haha. It's actually difficult to figure out which words his accent would come out on without saying them out loud, so I had to read through this like a hundred times and I can basically recite it still. I went through so much for this story and ended up writing it SO last minute anyway.

Thank you for the swap! (and I apologize for the lateness of this response)


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Review #7, by Shinicha Bad Guy

29th September 2014:
This is just so VERY Hucklyberry Finn (in British)! (I love Mark Twain)

You caught Umbridge's manner of speaking SO perfectly, I could all but hear her stupid "chrm" and the toad-voice.

I'm almost a bit sad that there isn't more to find out about Mundungus' daily life and also his past. Especially his past! It sort of over-ran me right at the end of the story.

Great story! Love it!

Author's Response: I haven't had anyone compare me to Mark Twain before!! I'm a huge fan and that made me really happy.

I tried really hard to nail Umbridge's speech patterns. I'm glad I did that so well even though I didn't actually specify that it was her.

I would have been able to get further into it all, but I had just about a few hours to put it into the queue in time for the challenge deadline. I didn't even have time to edit! I actually could expand this into a short story or something maybe.

I'm really glad you liked this! I love surprise reviews :D Thank you so much!


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Review #8, by Gabriella Hunter Bad Guy

17th September 2014:
Hello!

This is Gabbie here with our swap, I'd meant to get to this last night but I sort of passed out after a while from RL woes. Hahahah.

So, I was immediately attracted to this story because I'd never really read anything about Mundungus before. I think that you chose someone that not a lot of people would readily like or want to even bother with and of course, that just makes the story all the more brilliant. Dung isn't the sort of character that I would immediately want to be around but the way you wrote him, even though what he's doing is illegal, makes you want to root for him. Strange mind control powers, I think! Dung comes off to me as a sly thinker, quick on his feet and with far more of a past than anyone would really care to see. It made him quite human and when you weaved in all the details from the Deathly Hallows, I think I was able to really sympathize with him, especially towards the end. I also like that you didn't take away from his speech patterns either or didn't shy away from the things that he had done. Dung isn't apologetic either about his lifestyle but in the end, you get the sense that he would have wanted things to be different if he could, to some degree.

I really enjoyed this and I was a bit upset to learn that it was a one-shot but hopefully I'll be stopping by more than once to check out your work! :D

Thanks for the swap!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hey! Don't worry, it took me like 10 hours to get to yours lol!

I'm so glad I've made you want to root for him! And I couldn't possibly not include his speech patterns. They're just SO fun to play around with.

Her certainly would prefer not to have had to resort to this life of crime, but his attitude is kind of a "what's done is done" kind of thing.

Thanks for the swap!


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Review #9, by daliha Bad Guy

16th September 2014:
I enjoyed this one-shot about Mundungus, makes me think twice about judging him. I especially enjoyed the chase scene, it was very well written, I felt like I was running right beside him and you even got his way of speaking down too (something I couldn't do for the life of me!) Good Job!

Author's Response: I'm so glad you enjoyed this! Making you think about whether his actions might not be so black and white was certainly the point of this. And I studied his speech patterns in order to write this actually haha. Thank you for the swap!

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Review #10, by MargaretLane Bad Guy

16th September 2014:
I saw this story a while back and meant to read it, but then I forgot.

Love the way Mundungus admits he's done bad things, but says he has good reasons for doing so. I guess everybody feels that way. Most people feel what they do is justified. And I like the way he seems to feel hard done by that people can't see his reasons are worthwhile.

Is this witch Umbridge? She sounds like her.

It IS. I'm sure of it.

I'd be inclined to use a comma or something to break up "what're you, mad?" It seems a bit weird the way it is.

The other thing I would say, and this is REALLY nitpicky, but you use a lot of dialogue tags and they sort of start to draw attention to themselves. It might be better to replace the "proposed" or "responded" with something like "said" or else leave them out altogether and just say something like, "'Well, I will make you deal. I'll take that locket off of your hands and I'll let you off with a warning, just this once.' A certain gleam entered her eye."

You've characterised Umbridge brilliantly. She is clearly recognisable without your having to tell us who she is.

I also like the conversational tone you set up, as if he's talking directly to the reader.

Oooh, scamming Scabior is NOT a good idea. And you've done a good job at setting up a sense of menace as the wizards approach.

The comment about him having no intention of buying a tiny head amused me. You'd wonder why anybody'd want to actually.

The question "why don't you get a job?" should have a question mark at the end.

And that part at the end about how his mother needs what he earns because she's ill makes perfect sense and would make you feel a certain sympathy for him.

Author's Response: Yeah, I think most people would insist that everything they've done was for a good reason. Almost everyone can find a way to justify what they do. It is Umbridge! I'm glad that was apparent even though Mundungus doesn't know who she is.

I appreciate the nitpicky stuff! It's really helpful to know the small ways I can tighten up my writing. I do go a bit wild with dialogue tags in the conversations here.
I'm so happy the tone was good and that I built up the dangerous nature of those men before the chase scene started.

I've always wondered the actual use of a shrunken head in the Harry Potter universe, haha!

It's perfect that I got you feel some sympathy for him, as that was the whole point of this!

Thank you so much for the swap and all of the useful advice!


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Review #11, by slytherinchica08 Bad Guy

16th September 2014:
I picked this one to read because seeing something from Mundungus Fletcher's pov is something very rare to find and that in and of it self really caught my attention. I also liked the idea that we were going to find out different information on him and see a different side to him, which this one shot did. I thought this was a great one shot, something very different, and it definitely stood out to me!

I liked that you chose a canon event to go off of, him selling that locket (or more like getting the locket taken from him). It was fun to see what exactly happened between him and Umbridge during that exchange. I also liked that he was pursued by a couple of blokes but was able to escape him.

The only thing I could really suggest to make this one shot even stronger than it already is, would be to add in some more description throughout the chapter. The beginning part is really conversation heavy while the ending is purely description/action. It would be nice to maybe add some more description of the area he's set up in, or even of Umbridge herself as he mentions her bow to Harry when confronted about the locket.

The ending was a nice touch as well, finding out that he dropped out of Hogwarts to help his sick mother was a wonderful little detail that added a lot to his character and really made me feel different for him than I ever thought I would. It was something that I never would have thought about when it came to his character but I liked how that whole thing had defined him.

Overall this was a really good one shot, definitely makes me think about him as a character and what exactly makes him tick. I liked the whole concept that he is not an overall horrible guy just that he ended up as this type of person because of the hand life has given him. Great Job!

~Slytherinchica08~

Author's Response: I'm glad this stood out to you! I really wanted this to be a little different than the average fic. It certainly could be made stronger by a bit more description in the beginning. I do definitely see your point there.

It's really great that you thought the ending was pulled off! You've understood exactly what I was trying to get across here! Thank you for the swap!


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Review #12, by marauderfan Bad Guy

16th September 2014:
Um, so... how have I never read any of your work before? This is the main thing that's floating through my head after reading this fic. Seriously, you're awesome. I've never read anything from the POV of Mundungus Fletcher before, and minor characters are my favourites to read about - especially those who aren't particularly likeable - and this fic did not disappoint!

Firstly I loved how you used simple, short sentences and common language and cut off half of the words, so it reads exactly as if Mundungus is telling the story aloud to someone, in his distinct Cockney accent. There's not much of a plot to the story either- which only reinforces the feeling that Mundungus is just ranting to whatever ear will listen to him about this horrible toad lady who ripped him off :p Mundungus, in his own eyes, is still the same crook we always saw in the books, but here there's a bit of backstory, and his rather cynical opinion of his whole life and the government and employment and stuff - even if he's not any more likeable at the end, he's a little more understandable.

I really enjoyed this fic! The style you wrote it in is really unique, as well as the choice of character. On the whole it's very honest and unapologetic, which makes it just so Mundungus, exactly as I would imagine him.

Just so you know, there was one section where it hopped out of past tense and into present - ("I take off at a sprint") though maybe this was intentional as Mundungus seems to be telling the story aloud and maybe he doesn't care about grammar :p but I just wanted to point it out in case it wasn't intentional.

Otherwise, this is a really solid fic! Nicely done on getting into the mind of Mundungus Fletcher, I bet that was kind of a weird POV to write and you did it so well! Thanks for the swap!

Author's Response: That's what I was asking myself about you! I really appreciate you calling me awesome :) I think you'll find when you read my review for this swap that the feeling is mutual.

I may or may not have studied the speech patterns of Mundungus before starting to write this, so I'm glad that my embarrassing amount of research didn't go unnoticed. For the challenge I was supposed to flesh out a particularly uncharismatic character, but I was told, I didn't have to redeem them per se. Hence, you get an utterly unlikable, but understandable Dung Fletcher.

That tense error was *not* intentional and *was* very much a case of me not editing very thoroughly so that I could get this challenge entry in on time. Thanks for pointing that out, I'm going to stealthily edit that right out.

Thank you for all of your compliments, I just loved this review. Thanks for the swap!


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Review #13, by Unicorn_Charm Bad Guy

1st September 2014:
Hi there!

Well, I never thought anyone would make me feel bad for Dung. Good job there.

The missing moment with Umbridge was really, really well done. It was exactly how I would have pictured it happening in canon. You had Umbridge down to a T. The awful toad-face that she is.

Selling to Death Eaters... Even though he is in The Order, that definitely seems like something he would do. Not only sell stolen goods, but misrepresented stolen goods. Again, something totally in character, I think. I thought his thoughts during that chase scene were really funny. "The witch clearly wasn't expectin' that to happen and looked ready to 'ave a heart attack." really made me laugh.

That ending. Jeez... I never gave any thought as to why Dung ended up the way he did. Writing him as a dropout, who had to care for a sick mother and was desperate, was brilliant. It really humanizes him and makes you feel sorry for him.

I can imagine Dung being a very hard character to write, and you did an excellent job with him. I enjoyed this! Well done and good luck in the challenge!

xoxo Meg

Author's Response: Hello again!

So happy I got you to feel bad for Dung! This wouldn't have really worked if you didn't.
I did some research into her speech patterns in order to capture her insufferable nature a little better. She's actually pretty difficult to write haha.

I see Dung as someone who wouldn't sell weapons to the enemy, but would have no problem scamming them on a cheap goblet! I'm glad you thought the chase scene was funny! I wish we could have gotten one of those when Kreacher was after him in Deathly Hallows.

I have this thing where I always feel compelled to believe that people's pasts explain who they are in the present and I thought I'd give some insight into my headcanon here! This challenge about humanizing minor characters was definitely up my alley.

Thank you for your kind words and all of the reviews!


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Review #14, by Roisin Bad Guy

31st August 2014:
Haha! This was BRILLIANT! I LOVED IT!

Just a great ending! That last line was awesome :D

There were moments where the tense shifted between past and present, but I'm kind of fine with it, because this piece was so conversational. Definitely unlike most things I've seen on this site, and really a fun read. The "hostile books" he sics on his attackers--there were so many great bits in this one-shot!

I loved that this was first person--and I can often be hesitant about first person, but this was absolutely the right call. I really commend you on managing a brilliantly self-contained one-shot, that works stunningly as an independent piece!

Thank you SO MUCH for participating in the challenge! I'm still waiting on some entries to get validated, and then I'll be posting the results :)

xoxo
Roisin

Author's Response: Hi Roisin!

I'm happy that you loved this!

I'm not surprised that I made a few tense mistakes because I finished writing at about four in the morning and was so eager to get it in the queue before falling asleep that I'm surprised there aren't MORE errors, really. I thought I would have to drop out of the challenge, but then my writers block magically disappeared at two in the morning and I just had to write it all before it came back.

I was going to go with third person, but then I thought that it'd be too fun to type like Dung Fletcher for an entire one-shot to pass up that opportunity.

Thank you so much for this review and for the wonderful challenge! You really made me try out something totally different from what I'm used to and well, challenged me. Regardless of the results, I immensely enjoyed taking part in this challenge!


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Review #15, by Yoshi_Kitten Bad Guy

31st August 2014:
Hello, back again!! =)

Wow, this was such a cool take on Mundungus' character. You captured his inner-voice quite well, I thought, and I liked how you kept him pretty close to what we know of him in Cannon also. I love one-shots like these that give up little glimpses into the more minor characters of the world of Harry Potter. I have never, ever, read anything Mundungus-centered before, so this was neat! Honestly, Joey, like ALL of your story ideas are SO original!! ;)

And you made me feel something ...for Mundungus Fletcher... of ALL people!!! HOW did that happen?? (Lol!!) =P

This was seriously brilliant! I really love the opening line, where he talks about how he is "no bad guy." And truthfully; he's right. Dung wasn't in league with the Death Eaters, he didn't go off and become a snatcher; he was genuinely trying to be helpful to the Order, in the best ways that he know how. You have given his character a whole lot of insight here, and have really made me stop to think... You know, if Umbridge wouldn't have taken the locket when she did, I feel like these snatchers could have gotten ahold of it. If that were to happen, then it could've possibly ended up back in the hands of Lord Voldemort, and that would NOT have been good!! So, in a way, he did a very good thing letting it go free to her even tho Umbridge is a TOAD!! You did a great job with her character here tho. (:

Again, your attention to detail is amazing! You seem to give every one of your characters a strong voice/personality in everything you write! I totally found myself reading this in Mundungus, and then Umbridge's voice, as each of them spoke. You write dialogue really well, and the conversations between your characters always seem to flow so effortlessly!! This was another really great story, Joey!! I can't believe you did this in JUST 2 HOURS! :0

Thanks again for the swap!! I'm about to crash for the night been a looong day today! But let's totally do this again some time SOON, okay? I wanna check out your NextGen fic. It'll be really interesting to see your take on a Romance/Humor fic after reading all this Dark/Angsty stuff now, haha!! =)

50/10
~Deana~

Author's Response: Hi Deana!

I'm finally getting around to replying to this amazing review. In order to write Mundungus I honestly just said everything I was writing out loud like a stereotypical mob boss in a gangster film. For some reason that accent reminds me of his. And if it weren't for the UnCharismatic character challenge I never would have written this to be honest, but I'm so happy that I was able to make it into an original concept.

Dung is surely firmly on the side of the good guys and I felt he gets a much worse rep than he deserves. I'm not sure if everything about his past was true to canon, but I do know that he never betrayed the Order and that he doesn't deserve to be hated, per-say.

Your comments about my attention to detail are much appreciated. I did some research about their speech patterns since they are canon characters and it's good to know I kept them in character! And yes, I finished this up in just about two hours because I was on the verge of dropping out of the challenge and then very suddenly got rid of my writers block and knew I had very little time to get it through the queue.

Thank you so much for the swap!! This was so great :D


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Review #16, by pointless_proclamations Bad Guy

29th August 2014:
You can do a lot in two hours!

When I saw this was published, I knew I had to read it beacause, knowing how you write, this was bound to be amazing.

But it wasn't. . . it was so more than that.

The language is very clever. I could hear his voice in my head as opposed to my own. I actually empathised with him at the very end, after severly disliking him from the first sentences, regardless of his denial of being bad. I love how you made your case and made me feel like an uppity so-and-so for judging him. Thank you for keeping us readers in check. :)

Overall, this is a very crafty piece and it is brilliant. I am awed by your awesomeness.

Cheers. :D

Author's Response: This is so unexpected! But then, those are always the best reviews.

Wow, thank you so much. More than amazing? Now, that's a compliment.

I'm glad that the voice came through okay. I wasn't sure if the way it was written would be an absolute pain or not. And even better, you felt bad for judging him too soon!! That's exactly what I was trying to make happen, so that's perfect.

Thank you so much for this review!!


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