Reading Reviews for Ohana
2 Reviews Found

Review #1, by TidalDragon Scum

12th September 2014:
Howdy! Dropping by to do my part for the exchange.

Overall stuff first! I enjoyed the story. It gave a different dimension to Kreacher than stories I've read before. Those I've read have primarily focused on Deathly Hallows forward, culminating in his "big change" - fighting AGAINST what the Blacks stood for by opposing Voldemort. However, it was refreshing to see how you delved deeper by exploring how he changed over time, and using the dynamic of changing masters to reinforce that.

On the micro level, there were a few typos and a couple of odd word choices. On word choice, the one that stood out most was at the very beginning, when Walburga is about to blast Andromeda from the tapestry. Perhaps it's me, but "fallacy" doesn't feel like the right word for her choice or the way Walburga quite clearly views it. It's not disgusting or borderline-criminal enough.

All in all though, I thought you did a nice job with the examination of Kreacher and the mechanisms you used to add impact to his life and growth. The symmetry with the beginning and end and his reaction to scum was also excellently done.

Thanks for sharing this super story with us!

Author's Response: Hi Kevin! Thanks so much for the awesome review!

This is a new sort of writing style that I'm venturing into in that its content is more of description than conversation. I was hoping that I could use this sort of style to portray Kreacher in a unique light. Rather than emphasising on his ability to fight, it was more about where his loyalties lay. He still considered Bellatrix and Narcissa as girls he help to raise and, after seeing the destruction, did not shift his loyalties but expanded them. He realised that while he still cared deeply for the Black family as people, he also began to care about fighting for a new cause he believed in that did not really coincide for the one he was accustomed to. I'm glad that you could notice how his depth of character increased with the changing of his masters.

To be honest, I would be surprised if there was a piece of my writing that was not riddled with spelling errors. I'm going back to check up on that fallacy issue right now. I'm sure a stronger word is required. Thanks for pointing that out!

Still, I'm happy that you enjoyed the story. It was a ton of fun to write! Thanks a bunch for the constructive criticism and analysis; I really appreciate it :)

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Review #2, by Lululuna Scum

8th September 2014:
Well hello!! I am so excited to read this, the whole story is so amazing and dedicated to me??! Ahh, I just want to hug you right now!! ♥ :D

First of all can I say I'm so honoured to have such a lovely story dedicated to me. You're an amazing writer and I love your interpretation of Kreacher: it's funny, because he's one of those minor characters I've always wanted to read about and so this is simply perfect. :)

I really liked the unique interpretation of Walburga and her portrait. The paragraph about how her portrait produced scum and the repulsion Kreacher felt towards her was so inspiring and original, I loved it. It's also such a unique portrayal in how it seems like he clung to that portrait only because it was all he had left, not because he really worshipped her. The dedication Kreacher had towards Regulus and the empty feeling he had when he died, however, was really heartbreaking. I especially liked how Regulus made it seem like he and Kreacher were equals: that was a really neat parallel and made me think of their relationship in a new way. Not only from a characterization point of view, but from a literary one: both Regulus and Kreacher had literary links in the story.

Another original thing I noticed was how you showed Kreacher still caring about Bellatrix and Narcissa even when they were grown up and technically on the other side of the war. It's like he sees Voldemort as being the ultimate nemesis, who took his family away from him, instead of all of the others who supported the Dark Lord. I loved how he evolved towards wanting to protect scum and those considered lowly, it was a really neat theme.

I thought the use of second person was perfect and flowed really naturally. The whole story was beautifully written. :)

Thank you so much for dedicating this to me, I'm so excited and honoured and excited that my beta-reading helped you gain confidence in your wonderful writing. It really means a lot! ♥ :)

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