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Reading Reviews for And Just Like That
  
11 Reviews Found

Review #1, by AlexFan Chapter 2

18th January 2015:
Oh my God Snape is so creepy following Lily around like that!, he doesn't even have the courage to talk to her, he just follows her around. I'm pretty sure if that had been an unknown girl she would've run home with her keys in between her fingers. And even after everything that Lily has said, he still doesn't get it, she wants to get the job in the kitchen because she's earned it not because someone asked for her to have it, there's a difference.

I loved that part where she talks about giving Severus so many second chances that at some point it just becomes wishful thinking. Because it's totally true, a lot of people think that Lily should've given Severus another chance but the fact is that she probably had given him multiple chances to change but he just messed it up every time.

And I liked how Lily was slowly coming to terms with the fact that James had his not so great qualities as well as good qualities. A lot of the time when people hate James they completely forget about all of the good characteristics of his and just focus on the bad but I liked how Lily acknowledged both of them and is slowly coming around to the idea that despite his bad qualities, James can be incredibly kind and caring and he makes an effort to change and be a good person.

I really really really really love this story.

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Review #2, by teh tarik Chapter 2

30th November 2014:
Hi Jess!!

At long last, I'm back to read your second chapter. I'm so terribly sorry for taking such a long time; October and November have both been incredibly hectic months, and I've had little for reading. But thank you for coming back to request; I really do love your story. I find it your perspective on Lily/James and your depiction of them so refreshing.

By the way, belated congratulations for this being October's Featured Story at TGS! ♥ You really do deserve this; I think you're an incredible writer and your characterisation and dialogue are both so deft and perceptive.

I have to say the opening section gave me chills. Severus is definitely a creepy stalker in that one, and the scene with him following her through the supermarket aisles without saying a word is something that's just incredibly unsettling. You really know how to set that atmosphere without overstating it, and that's what I really like about your writing. There's a chasm that has opened up between Lily and Severus, and it's something that the latter just can't understand, though it's so obvious to Lily. Severus simply can't empathise with Lily, or see her for what she is, as a person in her own right. His own obsession with her gets in the way of that. And you did a brilliant job of showing these complexities in their characters.

I think Lily and James's relationship is developing wonderfully. There are the beginnings of romance, but things don't go too quickly, which is something I really enjoy. The pacing of the story, the slowness of their relationship - it gives time for both characters to understand each other better.

Also, I'm glad to see that Mary quit the job along with Lily. Those girls deserve better. But to be honest, Lily's new waitressing job doesn't sound too great either, what with groping teenage boys and leering male customers...ugh. I've been a waitress myself but thankfully I've never been harrassed to the extent that Lily is experiencing.

Another thing I really appreciate about your story is your very subtle sense of a setting. You don't go around painting your story with descriptions of the story setting, but still, the sense of the smallness of the town that Lily lives in is always present. The little details like how she's been to all the cafes in town and none of them are hiring, the difficulty of landing a job, how easy it is for Severus to find her when she goes shopping, etc. These details kind of set up very confined almost claustrophobic atmosphere, and I think it suits Lily's situation very well, mirroring her own frustration with the limitations she encounters in her life as a woman and as a jobseeker. I think this subtle approach really suits your story!

I'm really excited about the whole mobile cafe plan! It's great to see Lily having the chance to be the boss of her own self, and I'm hoping it will work out. This has been such a great chapter, Jess! I'm hoping that more will be come soon. Congratulations, once again! ♥

-teh

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Review #3, by crestwood Chapter 2

22nd September 2014:
Hi Jess! I'm actually getting to your request reasonably quick here.

I must say, this is my favorite Muggle AU I've ever read. A lot of them lose their urgency for some reason and seem a bit trivial, but here you've given us a realistic parallel to the Wizarding world.

Severus is still being an absolute creep, following Lily around like that. She's correct in thinking that he just doesn't get it. He seems to think getting her the job and saying sorry will completely absolve himself of any responsibility for his past actions. I love the way you mirror canon events in this. You make these characters and events really fit completely into the Muggle world. I wonder where you got the idea of a restaurant AU, that's certainly not something I've seen done before.

"Lily has heard of phantom limbs and she wonders if that applies to people as well." This is a gorgeous sentence in every way.

I love Mary in this story so much. She's such a solid friend and support system to Lily, their phone call was done really, really well.

The scene in which Lily wants to be annoyed at James for being cliche is so great. "Fancy meeting you here" and the way it may look as though nothing ever happened between them to an onlooker. Just excellent writing. We don't have all that many canon details for this part of the story, but this is really good speculation on your part.

Lily's new job is a step up from her last at least, still not exactly ideal with the costumers being a bit too touchy and condescending. Until she sees a boy there; 'a very, very stupid boy who's too clever for his own good.' That may be the most accurate description of James ever, haha. There's some amazing lines in this chapter.

Lily and James have a wonderful dynamic here. I adore how you've written them and I'm SO glad he left his number and it's so perfect that he wants her to open a food van and be the head chef. This is all so perfect, I can see them working together inside and driving around and having the time of their life. This is so good. I can't wait for the rest! Awesome work on this, really!

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you so much for being prompt on filling my review request; I'm so sorry that it's taken me so long to respond! I'm studying abroad next semester so I've been running around trying to get everything done in preparation.

And you're honestly the sweetest - oh my god, thank you!!! I really, really love AUs so I'm always thinking of various situations that I can put James and Lily in. If my memory serves me right, I was fondly remembering some Sarah Dessen books that involved food (in The Truth About Forever, the main character works for a catering company, and then in What Happened to Goodbye, the main character's father's work involves a restaurant) and it made me wonder what it would be like if James and Lily worked in the food industry. And I decided that I was going to include a lot of canon parallels rather than writing just a fluffy drabble like I'm usually inclined to do. And ta-da: And Just Like That was born!!! I'm a very slow writer so taking on a short story/novella is a little ambitious at the moment, but I'm really passionate about this story so I know I will finish it eventually :)

I'm so happy that you understand everything that I was going for in this chapter!!! I'm really doing my best to keep everything in character while putting my own spin on things; it gets a little more difficult when there are gaps in canon that I have to fill in myself, but I'm so glad that you're enjoying it!!

Thank you so much! I haven't had the time yet to work on the next chapter, but I'll do my best to get it done soon!

~Jess :)


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Review #4, by Irishseeker Chapter 2

20th September 2014:
I am loving this AU so much. I adore Jily as well which is making me love this story so much but how you are intertwining Canon and AU together in this AU and it's all working out perfectly, plus it's super creative. I absolutely love it.
Brilliant writing and can't wait for the next update!

Author's Response: Thank you so so so much!!! I'm so glad that you enjoyed it; really means a lot to me!

I'll try to update soon!

~Jess


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Review #5, by :) Chapter 2

19th September 2014:
Love this!! Its genuinely perfect. Update Doon!!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! And I will do my best!

~Jess :)


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Review #6, by lexiatel Chapter 1

11th September 2014:
I am here because you requested at my review thread. Sorry I took a while, I was without internet for a while.

WOW! This was a great work of art. I LOVED the Muggle interpretation of Snape's Worst Memory. I enjoyed this whole read! Even James (and he's still a jerk to me).

It was nice to see HOW Lily and James "made up" that was one thing I wish Rowlings would have done, because I just could not see Lily falling for him after all that mess... but I am a Hufflepuff... more loyal than anything I guess.. I also understand guys more than the average girl...

Anyway, I am pleased someone was able to make me see that James could actually change, because the cannon books didn't have me convinced... I hate bullying with a P4SSION.

Rated 10/10 You need to write more like this :D

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you so much! I really, really, really appreciate you giving this story a shot even though James isn't your favorite by any means. And I'm so glad that you enjoyed the story!! I did my best to stay true to Rowling's work and characters even though this is in a different setting.

The next chapter is in the queue and thanks again!

~Jess :)


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Review #7, by greenbirds Chapter 1

2nd September 2014:
hey! i am so so so excited by this story! i think this is the first AU i've actually properly enjoyed- you're such a talented writer! it's sad about wonderland but honestly this story is so cool, the kind of story you wish you had thought of yourself. it's going to be in my head all day! also, sik banner- who's the artist?
sorry this hasn't been all that long and quite vague, i'm really tired. but please update soon! so good. bea xxx

Author's Response: Wow! Thank you so much! That's so sweet of you to say!! And I made the banner myself - I'm glad that you like it!!! Sorry about Wonderland - I really am, but I just don't have the inspiration to write it at the moment :/ But maybe I will someday, and I hope there will still be people around to read it!

I'm hoping to update soon so look out for chapter 2!

~Jess :)


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Review #8, by teh tarik Chapter 1

2nd September 2014:
Hello there! :)

I'm here with your requested review. Ah, I'm so pleased you requested this! I love AU situations, especially for popular characters (popular in the sense that there's a lot of fic about them). I must confess that I actually saw this story on the Recently Added some days ago, but was turned off by the formatting, mainly the large spaces between paragraphs, and so never really got down to reading it, until now that is. It's something that you might want to consider: fixing the formatting so your story appears tidier and there's less scrolling down to be done. :)

Now to the actual story. OK, I think you've got an absolutely brilliant first chapter here. When I got to the end, I was really surprised when I read your end notes and discovered that this is in fact a WIP, and that there is more to come. This chapter feels so complete as it is, maybe because of what we already know from canon, but also because your characterisations are so detailed; the characters are so well-thought out and convincing in their developments. The one thing I like about AU fic, which extract canon characters out of the Potterverse and put them into completely different universes, is how the different situations examine the same conflicts faced by them in their original settings. There's no magic and no Voldemort and no pureblood prejudice here, but there are other ugly things like institutionalised misogyny, which is something Lily faces in her workplace.

I must say, Severus's portrayal, unlikable as he is, is brilliant. The friendship between him and Lily: no doubt he sees her as his best friend, but their friendship is a rather empty one that offers very little comfort for Lily. Severus is insensitive, or rather he's completely unable to empathise with her situation. You wrote the interactions between Lily and Severus with such preciseness, and everything feels absolutely true to canon despite the vastly different situations. The scene with James and Sirius taunting him and Remus watching on and Peter sniggering by the dishes was so tense and horrifying, and I definitely felt sympathy for Severus and quite a strong dislike toward the other three. Sirius tugging down Severus's underpants as well as Severus grabbing the knife made my mouth drop open a bit, but of course, the whole thing just makes sense. Its a brilliant AU translation of the whole canon fifth year Marauder scene.

I also really enjoyed the way you develop Lily and James's relationship. It's not all loud and full of flair, as they're portrayed in a whole load of fics; it's more a quiet, comforting affair of work breaks and companionable silences. And yeah, I think a quiet relationship like this is what Lily needs. I'm keen to see how you further develop these two. :)

You asked about the writing style, if it was too sparse, boring etc. I can assure you that it is not. It's to the point and precise, and there are occasional details splashed in here and there to give the reader sufficient glimpses of the setting and context of the story. I don't actually think your writing is that sparse; I think everything's beautifully balanced, and you write great dialogue. Flow is all good as well.

As for your use of 'And just like that', I understand that the repetition is intended, and the phrase is also the title of the story. I think it's a good phrase to repeat, and it establishes a sort of pattern throughout your story. I notice that you use this phrase mostly as a summary statement of Lily's feelings/reactions. (e.g. And just like that, her blood is boiling etc. Or And just like that she's feeling the frustration...etc.). Sometimes, though, I feel that the phrase is such a strong declarative one, that the rest of the statement following the phrase kind of lacks the impact. It doesn't follow up with the strength and imperativeness of the 'and just like that' at the beginning of the sentence.

E.g. James grins when he shrugs. And just like that, she finds herself relaxing a bit for some reason, but then the realization hits her.

^ with this sentence, I feel that the "she finds herself relaxing a bit etc." is quite a weak follow-up to the first part of the sentence. I don't know; I guess the phrase sort of sets things up for something stronger. You might want to go back through all the instances in which you've used the phrase and make sure that their use in that particular place is absolutely necessary. I'm having a little trouble explaining eep. But I hope you understand what I'm saying. Sometimes the phrase works, other times it falls a bit flat.

Anyway, it's up to you, really. :D I think you've got a brilliant story here, very fresh and original, which is kind of surprising given that these are the Marauders and Lily and Snape, and I really appreciate how you've given such a fresh spin to a story that's been written and rewritten over and over. Thank you for requesting, and I hope you update soon! I'd love to read on. :)

-teh

Author's Response: Sorry for the delayed response! I just got back to school and I'm getting settled in and organized with friends and classes.

AUs are something that I used to have no interest in but now they're my favorite genre for fanfiction; I'm glad that someone else loves them just as much as I do! I admit that the formatting was bothering me as well and it has been fixed! I think the chapter was validated a few hours after you left this review, and it's not spaced completely to my liking but it's better than it was. I'll probably go in and tweak it more this weekend.

But thank you so so so much for your kind words!!! You completely understood everything that I was going for in this AU and I really love your oneshot, Growth, so this is really exciting for me!!! (Sorry to fangirl haha)

The original plan was for this story to be a oneshot (which is why the end of the chapter feels like, well, an ending) but I showed this to some people before posting it here and they wanted me to extend it. So that's what I'm doing! And I don't want to commit to a big multi-chapter fic so it's going to be about six parts and things will be a bit condensed as a result. Hopefully, though, it won't feel too rushed.

And ah thank you James and Lily are my OTP so I'm glad to have done their relationship justice! I dislike the idea that their getting together was this big, dramatic happening and I wanted it to feel easy and natural to them (because they're soul mates and they belong together jklsadjsalkdjasldf). But even with their story being condensed in future chapters, I hope you still like their development.

And I can see exactly what you mean about the "and just like that"s; I'll have to go back and edit the ones that don't throw as much of a punch. Thank you for pointing that out!

Your feedback really means so so much to me so I really appreciate you taking the time to read and give me this wonderful feedback! Once I update, if you come to read more, I hope you continue to enjoy it!

~Jess :)


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Review #9, by marauderslover15 Chapter 1

1st September 2014:
HI! Here with your requested review.

First off, let me say I am hooked and you won't need to request any reviews from me anymore b/c I will come on my own. I loved this and you reminded me of why I love Lily and James.

Even though you set this in an AU, you have so good that you stay true the characters. Every single character is as if JK would have written them in the real world. Not only the characters were very canon, but even the situations. You aligned the situations in Hogwarts and played them out if it was in real life. I love it, I truly do. I could find nothing wrong with this. This is so creative and original and yet I still see Harry Potter series in this.

I can't wait for the next chapter!
WONDERFUL WORK!

Author's Response: Sorry for my delayed response! I just got back to school so I'm getting settled with friends and classes.

But thank you so much! This is so so so so sweet and I can't stop grinning! I'm glad that you're enjoying the story so much and I'll do my best not to disappoint with the upcoming chapters!

Again, thank you so much!

~Jess :)


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Review #10, by AlexFan Chapter 1

28th August 2014:
First off before I get into the actual review, OH MY GOD YOUíRE ALIVE. Second, I love me some Marauders AU.

I like how even in your AU you still kept everyone in character. You can see that Lily and Snape are close friends but thereís still that part of Snape that refuses to accept help from anyone because of his ego. And even though he feels a little bad that Lily didnít get hired as a cook, he still agrees with Riddles decision (which is essentially his situation and relationship in the books as well).

I liked how James noticed that Lily had been crying but Snape hadnít, I donít know, it just speaks volumes to me about the type of people that they are.

I can see Riddle being sexist if he were just a regular muggle but at the same time, his best Death Eater was Bellatrix who was a woman. I can kind of see him being sexist but at the same time I kind of canít, if that makes any sense at all.

ďI justÖI just think with you being you, itíd be a waste to not have you be one of the waitresses.Ē Yeah what the hell does that mean actually? Did Severus just basically tell Lily itíd be a shame not to have her serving people? SEVERUS STOP OBJECTIFYING YOUR BEST FRIEND OH MY GOD. Heís basically asking her to use her body to get people to keep coming back? If the food doesnít make people want to come back then the problem is in the kitchen. People who cannot respect a persons right to personal space and think itís okay to treat Lily the way that the male customers did deserve not to be fed.

I just seriously want to punch Severus in the face. I knew he couldnít save himself after spouting a stupid line like that. Snape wouldnít have said something like that if he didnít think along the same lines as this muggle Riddle. I am 100% done with this jerkface, goodbye.

It says a lot when James, the one thatís supposed to be a jerk can make Lily feel better with like three or four short sentences than Severus can with his stupid rambling. Lily should just punch everyone that feels the need to violate her personal space and make her feel uncomfortable. Iíll do it for her. Who can be a team.

ďYouíre getting awfully cozy with Potter and Black,Ē WELL WHAT IS SHE SUPPOSED TO DO SNAPE JUST LET YOU AND EVERY OTHER GUY TELL LILY THAT HEY ITíS OKAY IF WE TOUCH YOU WITHOUT PERMISSION. I JUST . . . THIS MAKES ME HATE SNAPE EVEN MORE THAN I ALREADY DO.

Itís incredible how true you stuck to everyoneís characters despite this being an AU. You still managed to stick some canon in there and you really showed that neither James and Sirius nor Snape were the best of people. They both did horrible things to each other, theyíre at equal blame. I thought it was very mature of James to leave the cafe, he knows that he wonít be able to work with Snape and he knows that Snape needs the job more.
I liked how you drew a parallel between James and Snape. Because youíre absolutely right, Snape expected his apology to make everything better but James didnít, he knew what he did was wrong and that simple, ďIím sorry,Ē wasnít going to fix anything. James admits that the bullying side of his character is still there and that that part of him exists and he doesnít make excuses for the way that he acts because he knows itís wrong, whereas Snape wouldnít have done the same thing if he had been in Jamesí shoes.

I just really love your characterization of everybody. It was spot on.

The repetition of ďAnd just like that,Ē was not obnoxious at all, I didnít even notice it to be honest with you. The flow was perfect, each scene blended in with the next one perfectly, it didnít feel like you were jumping around or anything like that.

Iím in love with this and Iím super pumped for the rest of it!

Author's Response: I'M ALIVE! Sorry I've been kind of MIA - especially since you wrote a really nice review on one of my oneshots that I still need to respond to!

I chose sexism as the blood supremacy equivalent because I needed something that would believably translate into the muggle world and something that I hadn't yet seen in a muggle AU. If that makes sense. In some ways there's a bit of a stretch (i.e. Snape is way too possessive of Lily to let random guys hitting on and making her uncomfortable slide) but I'm overall happy with the way that it worked out. It's hard because in the Wizarding World, things like sex/gender, sexuality, and race aren't something that an individual is likely to be discriminated against (especially systematically) so I tweaked some things! I wish I had thought of Bellatrix when I started this story because she could have been head waitress instead of Rosmerta (although I did place her there because she's a barmaid in canon); I suppose I could make the argument that Bellatrix, while valued, is still in a place of servitude. But then again, so is every other Death Eater - male or female. It's just something that I have to work around, but I'm glad that you brought it up!

And I'm so glad that you liked my characterizations!!! I wanted to show that both Snape and James have problematic aspects to their characters, but that James was fundamentally a good person when and where it counted most. I'm glad that came across!!! I tried really hard to translate everything smoothly from canon into this AU setting and I'm so happy that you understood what I was going for - I really appreciate it :)

Thank you so very much for all of the lovely things you've said about this first chapter - it really means so much to me!!! I'm working on chapter three and once I get well into it, I'm going to post chapter two here.

Thanks!!!

~Jess


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Review #11, by crestwood Chapter 1

28th August 2014:
Hey, crestwood from the forums here with your requested review!

Okay, so I must have missed the fact that this story is AU because I came into it thinking I was getting a standard Jily story and I read pretty far into it thinking that the characters were simply taking a summer job while still attending Hogwarts. I didn't realize that something else entirely was going on until I read that the managers name was 'Riddle.' I knew for a fact that canon Voldemort had things on his mind other than owning a restaurant haha. And then I thought about the fact that there was no mention of magic or Hogwarts at all and I had a laugh at my own obliviousness.

This is the best way I've seen Snape and Lily's last big fight reimagined. I love the change of the issue from blood purity to sexism. You've really hit all of the important points about sexism itself. Snape telling Lily that she was exaggerating about the pet names and inappropriate touching was not good. at all. His suggestion that she report it 'if he ever really touches her' was the worst advice of all time. (and unfortunately all too common in real life) That implies that a woman should wait until a man goes THAT far to say anything, rather than letting him know that he is making her uncomfortable before it gets to that point. That - and his idea that it is okay to hire her only as a waitress in order to "bring in blokes" definitely convinced me that this would not be a story in which I like Snape very much. But I have to say, this feminist Lily is a truly wonderful, strong willed character.

During their breaks James seems impossibly perfect. I was grinning so stupidly at the screen at the way he defended Lily and agreed that she should be in the kitchen. He was beyond charming at that point in the story. I loved how Lily turned Snape's words right back on him when he was whining about her befriending James and Sirius.

I knew it was coming, but it still hurt to see James being such a cruel bully, even if it is toward an insufferable man like the version of Snape in this story. I couldn't believe that he'd try to get her to date him like he did.. not the right time or place. Not even close. He can't have even thought that would work; he was just using that (and by extension, Lily) to anger Snape further. Big, big mistake there.

I don't know what word Snape said in this story, but I can only assume that it wasn't very pleasant at all. But, Lily continues being perfect and wonderful and doesn't forget that James had just majorly disrespected her as well and doesn't let him off the hook that easily. You've written just such an amazing character in her, I can't stress it enough.

I love that James apologizes but doesn't assume it will fix everything. I love that he's mature enough to quit because Snape needs the job more than him. I love that Lily wants to kiss him, but has enough self-respect to hold off because she knows that he has a ways to go to earn her love. I love that James has some respect for Lily at the end of the day and seems to be on his way to maturing. You took the magic out of the Mauraders era, but somehow this still felt plenty magical. Beautiful, engaging writing style and the way you incorporated the title was so effective. Every single person was perfectly and incredibly in character. If it wasn't obvious, I absolutely loved this. It's added into my favorites and I WILL be back. Thank you so much for your request!

Author's Response: Oh my god wow!!! Thank you so much!!! I'm smiling like such an idiot right now haha.

I'm sorry for the confusion! I've added "A Muggle Restaurant AU" to the beginning of the chapter just in case anyone else missed it when they start reading. The edit is in the queue and waiting for validation.

Snape calls her like the WORST word that I can think of; it's something that isn't allowed on this site - I don't know if that helps? The word is something that isn't offensive to everyone though; it's a slur and it offends me but some people in my generation throw it around casually. Like I think it was a bigger deal to everyone when my parents were growing up. I don't know if that gives you an idea but it's not a very nice word to call a girl, that's for sure!

I really, really, really tried hard to translate Lily/the Marauders' story into a muggle setting and I'm SO glad that you liked it so much!! And that you understood everything I was going for in this fic!!! You're very, very sweet and I really appreciate you taking the time to read and then write this really lovely review. It means so much to me and I hope you continue to enjoy the story! (Once I make more headway into chapter three, I'm going to post chapter two)

Thank you!!!

~Jess


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