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7 Reviews Found

Review #1, by The Hot Cross Bun Monster The Diary Of Marietta Edgecombe

3rd April 2015:
Be scared, be afraid, donít faint too much from fear though for it is the Hot Cross Bun Monster!

Ooh, ooh, ooh, I really liked how you broke this up into little segments as it made fun to read as we got to really know Marietta and it was interesting to see how she changed over the years. I thought you really developed her character well from that eager first year, to the caring friend to the respectful daughter and you somehow managed to make her likeable in all of those forms which was surprising.

I especially enjoyed how you examined hers and Choís friendship as itís something which has always interested me, even though as a monster Iím not meant to care all that much about things like friendship. Iím glad that they managed to remain friends throughout, because I think those scenes when Cho was talking about how Harry asked her to the ball and after Cedric died showed how close the two of them were. I think the last one was especially touching because it really showed how people can redeem themselves even after theyíve done bad things and gives me hope for others too.

Great story!

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Review #2, by Ravenclaw333 The Diary Of Marietta Edgecombe

13th February 2015:
Hey Sana! First things first, I'm sorry it took me so long to get to reviewing the entries for this challenge and I freely admit to being terrible.

Marietta's story breaks my heart, you know? I don't think the cruelty of what happened to her is really addressed very often, and you've done a fantastic job of telling her story and going beyond the way she's portrayed in the books. The friendship between Cho and Marietta was really touching as well -and I felt so bad for Cho, losing Cedric and then Marietta in only three years. You've included a lot of detail in so few words, and the way you emphasised Umbridge's manipulation and the role her mother played really exonerates her of guilt - she's a victim, as much as anyone else in OOTP or even the war in general, and was under pressure from all sides to betray another.

The final lines were heartbreaking - the idea of Marietta dying for a cause she believed in, even when nobody who sided with that cause showed her any kindness (apart from Cho) and how her last thoughts were obviously about redemption and clearing her name. This was a fantastic take on the challenge and you destroyed the image of 'Marietta the traitor' completely. Great job and thanks for entering!

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Review #3, by wolfgirl17 The Diary Of Marietta Edgecombe

11th November 2014:
Hey Midnight!

This was a really nice story. I still don't much like Marietta, but you have made me a little more sympathetic to her. =)

I did find that the diary entries were a little short, which made the story kind of choppy. Maybe you could flesh it out a little more and give us a taste of her emotions, as we don't really get much of them expect for in the first entry when she starts school...

I feel as though being a diary entry style story, it needs more emotion, more angst, more personality. Mostly this feels more like a recount of events. There's no real embarrassment or rage from her over the curse Hermione did, or simmering resentment at Cho for involving her in DA in the first place, or anxiety over going to Umbridge and wanting to do right by her family.

Don't get me wrong, it's still a nice story, but it leaves me wanting more. Not so much in an expansion on the entire story through additional chapters, but via longer, more detailed entries. As a keeper of a diary, I know I personally pour my heart into those pages with every frustration or elation and that's a little lacking here.

Anyway, keep up the good work!

xx-Wolfgirl

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Review #4, by Roisin The Diary Of Marietta Edgecombe

2nd September 2014:
Hello! FINALLY here with your review!

I've been having SO MANY annoying computer issues keeping me from reviewing, so TERRIBLY SORRY for the wait!

What I really liked about this is how you managed to humanize Marietta's less likable qualities--and even added more! She's a bit rude about Harry asking Cho to the Yule Ball, but eh, she's like 15! Of course she would be! Lots of girls that age would point out that Cho was at LEAST a year older (even as much as two years, since Harry had a Summer birthday). That sequence was just really realistic overall.

Also, when I first read OotP, I definitely felt savage pleasure about Marietta getting jinxed, and pettily thought it was funny that the jinx stuck. BUT, from a more objective and humanist perspective, that's a pretty awful experience--especially for someone at a probably self conscious age. And it's terrible to betray the DA like that, but it's difficult to hold out against family pressure for something you don't even totally believe in or understand. You did a really wonderful job of showing how terrible that would be to have to deal with, and really helped me feel sympathy for Marietta.

Definitely a gut wrenching ending, too. All in all, I think you did a really great job of responding to the prompt. You absolutely succeeded in keeping your character in line with canon, while still developing them, and offering another point of view!

Thank you SO MUCH for participating in this challenge; I really enjoyed reading your entry!

Results will be up just as soon as the last entries are validated.

xoxo
Roisin

Author's Response: Hey! I just got your review at the forums!

Thank you for this absolutely AMAZING review! I'm struck with double jelly right now. This challenge was a wonderful one, thank you for giving me a chance to join!

Love always
~Sanaa


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Review #5, by mymischiefmanaged The Diary Of Marietta Edgecombe

21st August 2014:
Hey lovely,

Here for our review swap. I was really interested to see where this story went. I love insights into minor characters so well done for such an original idea.

Poor Marietta...I always thought Harry and Hermione were quite cruel to her over what happened with the DA. It makes a lot of sense that she'd be loyal to her family over some students she really doesn't know very well.

The diary format was good. It gave you the opportunity to show her at different points of her life, which I liked. I think you missed an opportunity to show Cho's reactions, though. It would be sweet to see Cho remember the same things and miss her friend, and would give us insight into the way other people saw Marietta. Maybe if you ever come back to this you could work that in?

I noticed a couple of typos and grammar mistakes - 'the smell of roses accompanied the written' should be 'accompanied the writing' (I'm assuming) , and "I let out a sigh of frustration. My mother will not be happy about this' moves from past to present tense which reads a bit strangely, maybe 'I let out a sigh of frustration, knowing that my mother wouldn't be happy about this'? They're just little things but it might be worth going over this once more to check for any others.

Overall, I think this is a really good idea and you carry it off well, but there's definitely lots of potential to make more of it. If you gave a bit more of a detailed insight into Marietta, and especially into her friendship with Cho, I think you could make her death feel much more tragic and also have more of a chance to explore Cho as a character.

Much love,

Emma x

Author's Response: Hi there!
Marietta has been mistreated by Harry and Hermione, and I used to think that she was a sneak, just like they used to. but while writing this challenge, I understood that she must also have some sort of a story behind her life. After all, no one is truly evil.

And yes,in future, I might come back edit this story, and I'll work on the points that you have pointed out.

Oops... I never noticed those mistakes. I'm thinking, after my story is completed, I will be coming back to edit this soon.

Thanks for the lovely review!

Mine should reach you soon,

Love,
~Sanaa


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Review #6, by milominderbinder The Diary Of Marietta Edgecombe

18th August 2014:
Hiya! Maia from the forums here :P

I really, really loved this. I was intrigued when I made the CI for this the other day and made a mental note to read it at some point, but this just gave me the proper shove to get around to it, haha! I can honestly say I've never read a fic about this character before - which is kind of the point of the challenge - and I think you did an AMAZING job exploring her!

You really caught her indecision between being loyal to her mother or to Cho. I especially loved how you showed her relationship with Cho; the way Cho forgave her for betraying the DA really shows how close their bond is.

Marietta isn't a character I've ever really thought a lot about but I've always disliked her when I have thought about her, because obviously all we really see of her in canon is her betraying the DA, which is bad! But you actually made me empathise with her decision here. We've all been in that situation where we've done something we're not proud of to try and be loyal to someone, and it's especially hard when your parents are the ones asking you to do something you don't want to. I'm so glad she had Cho to stick by her side - after their short time of not talking - because that relationship clearly means so much to her, too.

The end just about broke my heart, even though you left it kind of ambiguous I think she died? But I'm glad there's someone who will be remembering her, and maybe she will finally lose her reputation as a 'Sneak', when people find out she fought on the right side of the battle this time.

I really loved this, well done!

~Maia

Author's Response: Hey Maia!
Can I say this: your review just made up for the worst day I might have had in history! After hours and hours of writing for those practice competition, I finally set down and this just lightened me up!

I really used to dislike Marietta too, because of the betrayal. But when I got her for the challenge, I started wondering, 'No one is bad, and Marietta must have had a valid reason for the betrayal.' Some surfing on the internet and half a dozen soppy movies later, I finally decided to write her diary. What other way to show someone's inner thoughts? From the surfing, I knew that Marietta was having the pressure of her parents and the difficulties she had in her friendship with Cho. I just could relate to Marietta so much in someways. And of course, if it was not for stillroisin, who made this amazing challenge, Marietta might never have got justice in my eyes.

Thanks again for the lovely review!

~Sanaa


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Review #7, by x3Loverlyx3 The Diary Of Marietta Edgecombe

17th August 2014:
This was really great! I think the formatting was unique and you really hit on the emotions in a fairly small amount of words. I loved it

Author's Response: Aw ... thank you so much! You just made my day!!

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