Reading Reviews for Doing the Right Thing
  
19 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Karou_Marauder Doing the Right Thing

1st October 2014:
Hola! I'm here checking out all the Dobby-nominated one-shots. :)

Aha, another side of Draco. This one seems less cowardly, more sure of himself. I'm glad he's focusing more on what his mother wants - she was always more concerned about Draco than the war, which I think you've captured nicely.

Great premise! Voldemort's almost-killing of Scrimgeour. I like the fact that this was Draco's one chance for redemption and he didn't take it - it's sort of like canon but you've put your own twist on, him which is nice.

Adios!
-Karou :)

Author's Response: Aww, you're so nice! I'm so glad you liked this new side of Draco that I have tried to show here... If you're ever interested in reading more, you should check out my Novel "Love, Not War." Thanks so much for the unexpected review! I'm so glad you stopped by. Hope to hear from you again some time! =)

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Review #2, by DMsSlytherinPrincess Doing the Right Thing

28th September 2014:
Im so sorry this took sooo long. RL had been so messy and so distracting.
Better late than never though.
Anyways!! Thanks so much for entering!!

Okay I thought I wouldnt like something that was a prelude to something I've never read, but I was shocked when I enjoyed this story!! I loved the way it started; it explained what was going on in the first paragraph, it was written without a flaw.

I loved how you had the right amount of detail to what was going on and the surroundings.

Mentioning Dumbledore, especially noy in a negative way, (The old man, the crazt dead headmaster, etc like most of the time is written) is something that touched me and also showed Draco isn't as evil hearted as most people think he is/write him as.

The way you added the bits about his mother was written/mentioned very smoothly.

"I had been predestined for this life before I was conceived. I was born a Death Eater, so I should die one as well. This fate had been chosen for me. There was really no point in trying to escape it... Was there?"

Absolutely beautiful, is so little words (perfect ones) you made the readers understand and see into Dracos life. It showed us why and how he does what he does yet he questions it. I loved it. If thats not what you meant to show, I felt this way, and I loved it.

The end was a bit of a shocker, yet I was happy at the turn out. Im definitely going to start reading what happens.

Great job overall.
Again so sorry it took so long.

Author's Response: Hey, no worries on the time-frame at all. I'm just glad to see that you're ok! It's good to have you back hun. (((HUGS)))

So happy to see that you thought it was without any flaws. I cannot tell you how many edits I have done to make this perfect, lol!! Needless to say, I was (and still am) incredibly surprised that this made it into the voting rounds for the "Best One-Shot" Dobby!! I still may be a bit in shock about that one, lol. =P

Yes; I do believe that Draco is entirely misunderstood as a character. (I have a whole entire Novel dedicated to proving this theory, lol!!) So I was quite pleased to see that you enjoyed everything Draco had to say here about Dumbledore and his mother.

Oh, and that paragraph is one of my favorites too, so I'm really glad you mentioned it, thanks!! The fact that is is questioning things is exactly what I was aiming to get across here, so I'm glad you picked up on that as well. I was pleased to see that you liked the little surprise ending also. Honestly, it would make my LIFE if you did decide to check out my Novel after this too, lol!! If you love Draco as much as I do; then I really, really think that you might enjoy it. ;)

I'm really happy to hear that you loved this story so much!! Thank YOU for the challenge. I seriously needed to write this entry, lol. I don't think you understand how much this challenge has really helped me to get back into writing fanfiction again. In fact, it was because of writing this one-shot that I decided to completely revamp my entire Novel to go along with this concept! This challenge really inspired me to be creative again, and I think that it was exactly what I needed to comeback from my Hiatus. I hadn't written anything in over a year-and-a-half!! So THANK YOU so much for coming up with such a great Challenge idea. I loved being involved in this, and I am entirely pleased with the way that everything has turned out so far. (Again; still in awe of Dobby noms.) I really couldn't have done it without you, lol! So THANKS!! =)

~Deana~


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Review #3, by Roisin Doing the Right Thing

22nd September 2014:
Hello! SO GLAD you told me about this one-shot!

I really, REALLY liked the tone of this, and all of the language, just SO MUCH.

After seeing your comments about the first posted chapter of Love Not War, here's a possible suggestion: I think this opening is particularly strong, and if you're fretting over not being able to delete the original first (the one I last reviewed)--what if you "edited" it, but basically just copied and pasted the text of this into its place? I'm not sure if repeating two stories is kosher, but I haven't heard comment about it, so maybe ask the mods? (If there's any awkwardness to doing that, you could always just delete this one shot once its been absorbed into your novel. Sure, you'll lose your reviews on this, but you're about to get SO MANY NEW READERS now that you're up for Dobbys, so it would ultimately be worth it, I think).

Anyway, having some foreknowledge of the rest of Love Not War (because I read ahead, whoops!) I think this gives a much clearer picture of the style of the story. Then again, if you include it in the body of the novel, you might want to add some variety of transition to cohere it to the story--but if and how you do that is entirely your call. But as it stands, this is the *real* introduction, and I'd hate for readers to miss it!

OK, jumping back over to Love Not War now!

(Seriously, this was AWESOME! Sorry that this is more of a comment than a review, but I'm all anxious to read further!)

xoxo
-Roisin

Author's Response: Hello again!! I'm so glad you decided to stop by and check this out first, lol!! Honestly, I thought about replacing the Intro chapter with this, but I actually wrote this for a challenge, and it could only be 1000 words! The results of the challenge still have not been posted yet, so I should probly leave it as-is for now, lol. Besides, I did this as a means to draw more attention to the larger story, you see. It's a lot easier to request a review for a one-shot, or do review swaps on one-shots, than it is to try and get someone to read a 40+ chartered Novel right off the bat, lol. So I decided to make this little companion piece to try and spark more interest in the Novel as a whole. I think it has paid off so far, lol, so I'll probly end up keeping them separate. That was a VERY good suggestion tho, thank you so much for your input!! ;)

Haha, it's totally okay that you read ahead. Truth be told; I've done the same thing with your story too, lol!! I try to leave Author notes, and message my new readers in so me way so that this doesn't get skipped over tho... I'm really glad that you enjoyed this tho, and pleased that you liked the language! I cannot wait to hear your thoughts on the rest as well! Thank you so so much for all the lovely comments Roisin!! (:

~Deana~


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Review #4, by Infinityx Doing the Right Thing

20th September 2014:
Hi, here for your requested review!

This was a really interesting one-shot. I like how you've developed Draco's character after the events of the sixth book and retained his canon characterization while also giving him a new, individualistic way of thinking.

The beginning of the one-shot really made a great impact. The first three lines gave momentum to the story and also introduced Draco's voice and the determination within him to succeed.

I love how the language is kind of formal and retains a slight arrogance and haughtiness of his pureblood upbringing. This is clearly portrayed in the way his thoughts are structured, and his views about each step. I also love how you've paid attention to detail such as him referring to Lucius as "Father" and not "Dad." I think that's a small, yet important aspect that a lot of people miss out on, so good job!

I like your descriptions in this. The sentence structure makes the read crisp, and the whole scene plays out neatly. One suggestion I have is that instead of saying that the vase crashed with a "clang", you could maybe describe the sound using better imagery to make the reader actually be able to hear it instead of just knowing what happened, if you get what I mean. A metaphor there would give it greater clarity.

I love how you've brought out Draco's indecision and the uncertainty of what he's about to do. Even though there's a mention about him thinking of his mother's and Dumbledore's words, his decision is not completely certain until the end and I love that slight suspense there.

I do think Draco would refer to Voldemort as The Dark Lord, or you-know-who. That part was a bit odd. But otherwise, that ending was brilliant. The final dialogue just spoke volumes and I'm really interested to see how things would play out after this.

You can be sure that I'll be checking out your novel soon! This was great and I'm glad I read it. :)

Author's Response: Oh, wow, THANK YOU!! No, seriously, this review is so lovely; you just made my day!! I am so glad that you liked this so well, and that you seem to notice all the little details too. I know exactly what you mean about the use of the "clang" word here, lol. I really do need to find a better sounding word to put there. That was one of the things I changed to make this 1000 words for the challenge. I figured that someone would comment on it eventually, lol! And the Voldemort vs. Dark Lord wording was another thing that I changed to make it 1000 words exactly - Those 1000 word challenged are HARD work, haha!! =P

I am so glad that you liked this though, and I'm beyond pleased that you are interested in my Novel now as well. I cannot WAIT to hear your thoughts on that soon too!! If you would like, I can come back to re-request one chapter at a time, if that makes it easier? Thanks so much for this incredibly nice review, you are awesome!! I am so glad that you read this too, lol!! =D

~Deana~


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Review #5, by Moonyxluna Doing the Right Thing

15th September 2014:
Hello! Here with your requested review! I mentioned this on the forums, but if you want to PM me about your novel, we can work something out. I know full well the feeling of picking a story back up after a few years and all your readers are gone. :p

I really like your voice for Draco. He has that little arrogance mixed in with some doubt that we love about him from the books.

I also like what you've done with this story. It's very harsh, but I can absolutely see Voldemort sending Draco to be the one to kill the Minister of Magic after his failings in killing Dumbledore. Such a creative idea to expand a little bit more on what was going on from the Death Eaters point of view.

OH, good! I'm glad Draco didn't just kill him in his sleep. As he said, it would have been cowardly. I said this above, but you captured his hesitation through the last few books really well.

I loved the last line. So very good in an unlike Draco way to tell him to pick up his wand. Wanting a fair fight. Very noble for a Death Eater :p

This isn't a super helpful review, but I really enjoyed this, and you did a good job with it! Again, feel free to PM me!

Julie

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Review #6, by slytherinchica08 Doing the Right Thing

11th September 2014:
So I remember this one shot as I do believe I was the one to validate it but it really is a wonderful piece so I'm glad to be coming back to it and reading it over again with a different set of eyes. I really like this one shot, I think that it's really original and really shows a different side of Draco. Although I am slightly sad that this isn't going to be turning to dramione aspects I think it still seems like an interesting concept and I look forward to seeing where you will take this. I think this one shot had a good amount of description and it really made me understand Draco Malfoy as a character more! I think that this definitely could have happened and I really like the ending as it's a bit of a cliffy and makes the reader want to know what happens next which will then send us to your novel! It's a great set up and I very much enjoyed it! Thank you so much for agreeing to do the long term review swap!

~Slytherinchica08~

Author's Response: Oh gosh,I knew your name sounded familiar, but I really did not realize that you were one of the Validators before I got this review. Shows you how much I pay attention, lol! ^_^'

Anyhow, I'm glad you are back to review this now, it's such an honor!! I'm happy you like the overall concept of this, and I cannot wait to hear your thoughts as you continue onto the Novel now as well. SO excited to hear that you think this is such an original concept!! I know it's not leading up to be a Dramione, but hopefully you will like my OC when you meet her too. ;)

Thank YOU so much for offering to do this swap, Erica! I am looking very forwards to working with you. =)

~Deana~


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Review #7, by RolledUpInOne Doing the Right Thing

5th September 2014:
Cool story so far, I look forward to reading more!

Author's Response: Thank you so much!! This one-shot is a prequel to my longer Novel "Love, Not War". I hope you will check that story out too. It is under revision right now, but the first 8 or 9 chapters are good to read. I hope to hear from you again sometime!! Thanks so much for taking a moment to review, I really appreciate it!! =)

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Review #8, by nott theodore Doing the Right Thing

3rd September 2014:
Hi Roxi! I'm here for our review swap!

I really enjoyed this story! You captured Draco's character really well in this piece - I know that you're writing a novel with him, but I thought you did a great job of portraying him as someone that's developed from the boy that we see in the sixth book but is still completely recognisable.

The opening of this story was great - those three short, to-the-point sentences had a real impact. It made me instantly interested and intrigued about what Draco was doing, and I thought the way that you then repeated those instructions later on was very effective too, because it showed the way that he was nervous about what he had to do and then determined to try and get it right as well. It's only a small detail but it contributed a lot to your story.

I also thought it was really original to have Draco taking part in the attack on Scrimgeour. I've actually never read a story about that moment or the plan behind the attack, so you've done a great job to find that missing moment and then expand it in this story.

The only tiny piece of CC that I have is I wondered whether Draco would refer to Voldemort as Voldemort rather than the Dark Lord. Not many people seemed to call him by his name and I can't remember any of the Death Eaters doing so. That's probably just me being picky though.

I think my favourite thing about this character was the way that you managed to explore Draco Malfoy's character so well in just 1000 words. It's very impressive! I liked the way that he hesitated here - he's grown up from the boy who confronted Dumbledore at the top of that tower, and seems more ready to face the consequences of his own actions - because it showed how unsure he still is about everything that's going on around him. It made me feel quite sorry for him. there's so much danger for him and his family if he does something wrong but at the same time he wants to do the right thing, which isn't to help Voldemort.

I found it sad that he thought he'd been born to be a Death Eater, but it worked well with the rest of the story and your overall portrayal of him. Draco feels like he's been forced into this, that he has no choice, and he can't see a way out of what he's meant to do. It's a difficult position for anyone, particularly someone so young, and I could see that conflict very clearly here.

I was really pleased to see Draco's decision at the end! I think that he would have made his mother proud with that decision, as long as he was safe afterwards, which he was. And it's great to see him doing something - even though it might seem small in the grand scheme of things - to rebel against the hand that he's been dealt in life.

This was a great story and thank you for the swap!

Sian :)

Author's Response: Hey Sian!! It is such an honor to have you here, reading one of my pieces!! Thank you so much for the swap offer. This was so great!! =)

I am so glad that you enjoyed the story, and that you liked my characterization of Draco so well. I am so glad I decided to leave the repetition of his orders in there – it almost got cut to get the word count down, lol. So thank for commenting on that. It's always nice to be reassured that you are making the right decisions with your writing. :)

And you're right about the 'Voldemort' thing, of course. I think I had it as 'the Dark Lord' at one point, but then I changed it to cut down the word count. Hey, trying to squeeze Draco Malfoy into just 1,000 words is hard work, haha!! =P

My goal was to get people to feel sympathetic towards Draco, so I'm glad to see that you picked up on that also. He did make the right decision in the end, but his betrayal ends up costing him a great deal once Voldemort finds out about it... If you are ever interested in swapping again, I have a Novel that continues from this one-shot. Would love to possibly hear your thoughts on "Love, Not War" some time as well. Feel free to hit me up for a swap again at any time! I thoroughly enjoyed reading your story, and I loved this review!! :D

~Deana~


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Review #9, by EnigmaticEyes16 Doing the Right Thing

2nd September 2014:
Hi! I'm here for our review swap! This was an intriguing little one-shot. And while I know what's going on, I'm clearly missing a bit of back story because of the challenge rules, and because I have yet to read your novel, but clearly I should because now I want to know what happens!

I really like the way you began this with three short and simple sentences, and put them in your summary as well. It really drew me in, making me want to know what it was exactly Draco was planning to do. Although I am a little surprised Voldemort had given Draco a whole year to train before sending him on another mission, that does seem a little too giving of Voldemort. Especially as during that year the war is brewing as tensions are high up until the end of the battle at Hogwarts.

But I did like how Draco started thinking for himself. It's obvious he wants to make everyone proud, his mother, his fellow Death Eaters, Voldemort, but he clearly isn't a fan of all the death that's necessary to put Voldemort in charge, and all the deaths that will continue to occur even after he is in charge. He's still partially in that mental state he was in in HBP, thinking he doesn't have a choice, thinking this is the only way to protect his mother. But then he keeps questioning it, and questioning the cowardice of killing a man in his sleep, until he finally realizes he does have a choice, and a chance to do the right thing in this moment, and he makes it. And I really enjoyed reading it. I'm a going to have to check out your novel after this because I am very curious as to where this decision takes Draco.

So, thanks for offering this swap and good luck in the challenge!

xxNix

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Review #10, by MrsJaydeMalfoy Doing the Right Thing

1st September 2014:
Surprise!! :D

Haha! I thought it was about time I came and gave this a review!

This is so intriguing, dear, and really gives a lot of insight into Draco's mindset. And I am already loving how it's going to fit in with "Love, Not War"!

I really thought adding Dumbledore's last words to Draco, along with what his Narcissa said about doing the right thing, gave it a nice touch! Those two really gave Draco the push he needed in the right direction!

It really was good thinking on Draco's part to at least make some sort of noise, so that his Aunt and Uncle would at least THINK he had followed his orders! Classic, clever Slytherin for you! :)

All throughout the series, Draco is portrayed as just this horrible person, but he really did have a LOT of influence from his father, and Lucius' way of life, as well as his association with Voldemort and the Death Eaters.

But here, we see Draco get to consciously make a choice here, of whether he wants to follow in his father's footsteps, or do the right thing... and he makes the right choice! And that is simply awesome! ♥

This is yet another of your brilliant pieces that I absolutely adore, and great job in sticking with the word limit!! I only wish I'd been able to do the challenge with you! *hugs*

10/10 (and obviously going in my favorites!) :P

Author's Response: AHH JAYDE!!! This IS a nice surprise!!! (((HUG))) I misses yooouuu! =D

I'm so glad you enjoyed this piece tho. And I do believe that it was a success, seeing how as LNW has at least 3 new fans now, haha!! I'm SO glad that I had time to rewrite everything now, as it gave me the inspiration for this new beginning. The chapter (Under Arrest) of LNW that follows this one-shot is up now too, if you wanna check it out. ;)

Yes, I for one think that Dumbledore's offer to help Draco and give him the Order's protection truly does haunt him still. You're not the first to comment on that aspect of this, lol, so I'm glad I stuck that part in there. Haha, his 'diversion' was great too, wasn't it? =P

Sticking to the word limit was SO HARD!! Like, I wanted to add in a scene at the end where he escapes with Bellatrix, and then Rudolphus ends up getting caught, but there was just NO ROOM for it!! *sadface* ): Oh well. I suppose people will just have to wait and find out what happens from here by reading LNW, haha!! XD

Thank you so much for this surprise review!! I love you so much, dear. And again, I cannot thank you enough for your continued YEARS of support on this story!! You are my hero, Jayde, for reals!!

~Deana~


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Review #11, by Aphoride Doing the Right Thing

29th August 2014:
Hey there! :) Okay, so Draco is one of those characters I find really interesting but have never written because there's already so much written about him, haha, and it's unusual to see something written about him which explores choice, even though it's such an interesting element of his character.

So yeah, basically what I'm trying to say is that I'm glad you asked me to read this because it's a really interesting premise and I probably would have picked it anyway ;)

I really love you portrayed him in this. There was this sense of determination that he was going to prove himself, that he wanted to, almost, which I loved - it really sort of reminded me that he was raised to be a Death Eater, in a way, and he was raised by people who were. I love as well how you then bring in sort of the hesitation and the weakness again, which really reminded me of the tower and made me feel a bit sorry for him. Poor boy - he's really not in the right career, is he? :P He just can't kill anyone. What I liked, though, was that how on the tower he was so cowardly and nervous and afraid, but here he seemed more grown-up and ready to back his own decisions, whatever they were. It seemed more indecision about what to do rather than absolute panic, I thought.

Okay, so I loved, as well, how you touched on Draco's relationships with his parents as well, and sort of contrasted them to each other. How he doesn't really seem too fond of his father (somewhat understandably, imo) but loves his mother and wants to make her proud. It's such a real relationship you made here, in not many words either, and I loved it. The little mention of Dumbledore's belief that he had a choice and had believed in him was so good, too, and I liked how it was sort of in memory of that and for his mother that he makes the choice. It's such a big choice, but you don't overplay it, either, and you leave it on a cliffhanger, as well, just after the choice is made which is very sneaky of you ;) Albeit, a brilliant ending for this piece.

So yeah, I really liked this. Your writing was so lovely, as well - so clean and neat (if that makes sense...) and you had such a lovely flow and balance of internal thoughts and the physical actions.

Thank you so much for the swap! :)

Aph xx

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Review #12, by mymischiefmanaged Doing the Right Thing

28th August 2014:
Review Swap!

This is the first story I've ever read in Draco's point of view, and you absolutely did it justice.

Draco's inclusion on the mission to assassinate the Minister was an incredibly original but also very believable idea. It fits in with what we know about Draco's initiation into the Death Eaters. Of course his duties wouldn't ease off after he failed to kill Dumbledore.

The secret keeper being a death eater is a horrid reminder of what happened to the Potters, driving home the point that nobody is to be trusted in wartime.

I'm so glad you had Draco remembering Dumbledore's words. It shows they really had an effect on him and potentially his decision to make the right choices has an effect on the outcome of the war - who knows what would have happened at Malfoy Manor if he hadn't changed sides here?

I wasn't quite sure whether you were going to have Draco kill him or warn him, but I'm really glad you went for warning him. I've always hoped that he changed sides before the battle was over, and your depiction of his inner conflict trying to decide what to do is very well written and plausible.

This is a brilliant chapter. You manage to fit an actual story into 1000 words which is very impressive, going beyond just showing us a character to show part of his life as well.

I really enjoyed reading this. Thanks for the swap.

Much love,

Emma x

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Review #13, by GingeredTea Doing the Right Thing

27th August 2014:
This was a really great one-shot (and side-story to a much larger one, it seems). For this reason, you chose to really jump in to the mess of it all, and I admit I love that type of entrance.

You took Draco and really expanded on his character from the series, getting into his head and showing his thought pattern. I appreciate that it was concise and on-point, fitting Draco's count-down and 'simple' directions. Your flow, characterization, dialogue, thoughts, and descriptions all fit well with the mood and length of your story.

I loved it. :)

Thank you for the great read - we should do this again sometime so I can figure out what happens in bigger story.

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Review #14, by crestwood Doing the Right Thing

26th August 2014:
Hey, crestwood from the forums here with your requested review!

First of all, I can't believe you got this to be exactly 1,000 words. That must have been so difficult and meticulous.

I was pulled into this story immediately - which is a good thing since it is so short. Starting it with that mantra, 'Get in. Cause a diversion. Then get out of the way' was genius. The repetition of it throughout showed just how desperate Draco is to succeed this time around, which makes sense considering his life is on the line.

Draco's thoughts about "doing the right thing" and what his mother would want are so great to read. They feel really natural and typical of Draco's character. I always prefer this kind of Draco; contemplative, always second-guessing what he is supposed to be doing.

His thoughts about "being born a Death Eater" are actually kind of sad to read. It's terrible that he feels that he has no choice. Indeed, he has been put in the kind of position where he was raised to become one thing and it'd be exceedingly difficult to turn back now. It almost reminds me of Harry's thoughts in Deathly Hallows when he was feeling that Dumbledore had raised him for one singular purpose. Neither one of them was ever given very many chances to change their mind. Both are held to what they have to do at the expense of others. Draco; at the expense of himself and his family. Harry; at the expense of, well, everyone. That's just a connection I made.

I'm glad that Draco decided to warn Scrimgeour in the end. Hopefully this is the beginning of his turning over a new leaf. It'd be awesome to see Draco contribute more than just refusing to identify the Trio at Malfoy Manor to the defeat of Voldemort. I imagine he wouldn't feel too much actual allegiance to the man.

I suppose all of the editing you must have done to ensure that this story ended up being exactly a thousand words also helped to eliminate any typos or grammatical mistakes, because there were none at all. Great job with this. I'm going to actually add Love, Not War to my Reading List in order to see more of this Draco that you've written here. Thank you for your request!

Author's Response: "you got this to be exactly 1,000 words. That must have been so difficult and meticulous." - OMGosh, you have NO idea exactly how right you are about that, haha!! =P

A lot of people have commented on how this pulls you in right from the very beginning, actually. I confess that I went over and over it in my head how to begin this, and I finally decided on that first sentence. I am glad to know now that this was such a good choice. I almost took out the repetition of the orders tho, cuz I went over 1000 words at one point. But I am glad that I kept this in there now too...

Wow, you have brought up a rather interesting point there. I guess I never really thought about how Harry and Draco's positions were actually quite similar in this. That's deep, lol! I'm glad you made that connection though! =)

Woot!! I am SO HAPPY to see that you are adding my Novel to your reading list now too!! Yay, yay, YAY!!! OMGosh, I cannot WAIT to see what you think of the rest of the story as well. I shall be eagerly awaiting you thoughts, especially on the chapter that I wrote as a follow-up to this one-shot!! Which is #7: Under Arrest, if you're interested. ;)

Thank you SOO much for such an awesome review. I am very glad that you liked it, and I truly do hope to hear from you again SOON, haha!! I can always come back anytime and re-request if you need me to. You reviews are lovely, dear. You have put a huge smile om my face today, thank you again! =D


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Review #15, by Ribbons Doing the Right Thing

23rd August 2014:
Hello!

So, I'd like to first say that you're fiddling around here with a VERY good idea with TONS of potential and I need more.

One-shots are dangerous because it's easy to cut corners with them. There are lots of different types of story too: Short and powerful, long and detailed, cliff ending, epic and eloquent ending - there are as many different ways you can write a one-shot as there are to eat pudding, but just because there are different styles and it's short doesn't mean you can skimp on it.

Here's an example: the author (I don't mean you) is tired of writing, so they make some dwindling, powerless ending that is supposed to be atmospheric but is actually just lazy. This is a problem that I as well as everyone else, has.

One-shots need to be potent. Size doesn't mean that it's any less emotional, tough, elegant or touching than a Novel or Novella. I actually think that the shorter the story the more difficult it is, because there's no time to build characters, you have to appreciate them right away. It shouldn't feel like some random chapter either, I think they should have a beginning middle and an end and either leave the reader feeling wholly satisfied or yearning for more. No in between lukewarm nonsense.

What can I say? My inner nit-picky perfectionist side comes out when I read one-shots, mostly because I hold them to different standard than other story lengths, but because they are AN ART!

Short stories really are incredible.

I'm not going to give you specific advice on your story, mostly because I think that you know what applies to it, and YOU know what it needs more I do. Think about what I've said and then read it and see what comes to mind and what ideas and changes you see.

I actually really liked this one-shot, but there is always, ALWAYS room for improvement, even in the most brilliant works.

Sorry if this felt like an unhelpful and vague attempt at a review, your story really made me think in a different way.

Much love,

Alena

Author's Response: Haha, well if you really want more, there is a Novel that follows this one-shot: "Love, Not War" is the title!! ;)

I do see what you mean about One-Shot, and I agree with you for the most part. This particular one, however, HAD to be 1000 words EXACTLY for a challenge, so there wasn't much more that I could add to the ending without taking something else away...I just wrote this as a missing moment, a prelude of sorts, to my Novel. So it was intended to be incomplete and eave the reader wanting MORE, haha!! =P

No need to apologize hun, this review was just fine! I am glad to know that I could cause you to think so deeply, lol! Feel free to check out "Love, Not War" anytime if you really wanna know where this story goes from here. I hope to hear from you again!! :D


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Review #16, by milominderbinder Doing the Right Thing

22nd August 2014:
Hiya! Here for our review swap!

I really enjoyed reading this! I don't read a lot
of Draco stories - mostly because they usually
have pairings I don't like, haha - but I'm glad I
read this one. I think you got Draco's
characterisation spot on.

I love how you got right to the point at the very
beginning. Starting with those three short,
fragmented sentences - his orders - really set the
tone of urgency for the story, and showed the
importance of the mission. It was a great way to
start as it really draws the reader in and has
them feeling that tense atmosphere from the very
start.

I'm also so impressed you managed to write this in
exactly 1000 words! I wrote an exactly 500 words
story and it almost killed me, it's so hard to cut
it down to the exact right amount! So yeah extreme
kudos there.

My favourite quotes were:

Get in, cause a distraction, then get out of
the way. I repeated my orders to myself again.


^I love the repetition of his orders, it really
gives an insight into his mind and how focused he
is at the start here.

Killing a man in his sleep? Where was the
honor in that? There was none.


^We rarely get to see a moral side of Draco in
canon but there is always the sense that he DOES
have these moral qualms so I think it's really in
character for him to think like this, and I really
liked it.

I had been predestined for this life before I
was conceived. I was born a Death Eater, and I
should die as one as well.


^I love stories which explore the idea of fate and
people going against what should be their 'fate'.
It's always so powerful because it shows that at
the basis of everything is personal choice, even
if that choice is incredibly hard to make, and
that's something I really strongly believe in. I
loved how you used that theme here.

You have about one minute to prepare yourself,
Minister.


^I loved this ending! I think it ended at the
perfect moment. We get to see Draco's decision to
warn the minister, without seeing the
consequences. Because it's not about what happens
next, it's about him making that choice, no matter
what the outcome. Even though it ends suddenly
and we don't know what happens next, it's not
really a cliffhanger, because we've had resolution
on Draco's choice and seen him make the right
decision, which is incredibly lovely to read.

So yeah, I thought this story was really good!
Well done, and thanks for the swap!

~Maia

Author's Response: Haha, I may be a bit biased about that whole Draco-pairing statement, as I have only ever seen him with Roxi, lol!! But anyways, I do know what you mean there. If you ever DO wanna know more about where Draco's story goes from here, however, then I encourage you to check out my Novel: :Love, Not War: also. =)

Hitting the 1000 word mark, and hitting it perfectly was SOOO hard!!! There was SO MUCH more that I wanted to add in here, and then I wanted the ending to be longer to show that Rudolphus was captured too. But, alas, there was just not enough space to allow all that, haha. XD

So I basically agree with everything you just said about people going against their supposed "fate". This one particular choice definitely causes Draco quite a bit of grief later on down the road tho. If you do decide to read the Novel, you will see the outcome of this mission first-hand. But it also ends up being his salvation, as he ends up getting a second-chance to change himself by the end of everything. You'll just have to read on if you wanna know anything more that that tho, haha!! ;)

I would love to review-swap with you again some time, if you are interested. Thank so much for the great read, and again for this wonderful review. I love it when people point out what their favorite moments in my stories are!! (:

~Deana~


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Review #17, by CambAngst Doing the Right Thing

21st August 2014:
Hi, Roxi! Here for our review swap.

First off, congratulations on nailing the 1,000 word mark. I'm sure there was a huge amount of editing and hand-wringing choices that went into that.

Your Draco was pretty natural-feeling. He goes into his mission with a pretty clear objective, but then he thinks things through and comes to an epiphany. And his mother was one of the biggest drivers of that epiphany. He's very reminiscent of the Draco we see in Deathly Hallows, struggling to make better choices in the face of overwhelming pressure to the contrary.

Get in. Cause a diversion. Then get out of the way. -- Sounds about right. I can't imagine the Dark Lord would trust him to do much more than that with a mission as important as bringing down the Minister of Magic. This isn't meant to be a suicide mission like the one to kill Dumbledore, Voldemort actually expects this one to succeed.

The only real constructive criticism I could offer is that it felt really easy for Draco to make it to Scrimgeour's bedside. I think the story would have benefited a lot if you could have made it something specific about Draco or the Lestranges that made it possible. For instance, maybe they recruited the Death Eater inside the Ministry who betrayed Scrimgeour. All that said, I'm not sure what I'd cut to make it still fit in 1,000 words. There's a good reason that I've never attempted this or the 500 word challenge. ;)

I thought you did a good job with Scrimgeour's reaction to Draco. He keeps his wits about him and tries to stall for time. He's an Auror, not a terrified politician like Fudge.

Your writing flowed really nicely in this story and I didn't see a single typo or grammatical problem. I can see such a big improvement compared to when I first started reading your writing way back when. You're come a long way, Deana! Great job!

Author's Response: Hey Dan! Haha, yes, there was a LOT of editing that went into this, for sure. You know me. You know how long my chapters usually run. So yeah, only being allowed 1000 words was HARDWORK! You are such an amazing writer tho, I'm sure you could do this with no problem at all.

And no, Voldemort really doesn't trust him with much. As you know from reading the beginning of "All is NOT Fair in Live & War" he only had until he was seventeen to get it right. But Lucius was in Azkaban, so he gave Draco an extra year to prepare with Bellatrix. This mission was meant to be a test to see how loyal and dedicated to the cause that Draco could be. Which he obviously fails miserably at.

You're right about it seeming too easy to get to the Ministers bedside. I thot the same thing as well. Although I trust you have it worked out by now who the Death Eater helping them was? (A certain red-haired villain we meet in chapter 6 of AiNFiL&W.) *wink* And since he worked for Scrimgeour, he would have had it set up with limited protection that night on purpose. Or that was my reasoning at least. I suppose I could go back in and try to squeeze in a little sentence somewhere to explain all this... Something like:
"Our man on the inside had done his part well, setting up as little security around the Minister as possible."
I think I'll go try to add that in now. That's an additional 20 words tho, but I think I know how to manage this! Thanks for the suggestion, Dan. Great catch!

GAH!! You really think that my writing has come a long way!?! OMG, that means SO MUCH to me, coming from you!! Seriously, that little comment just made my day! I suppose that being in college for a year and half, and having to write 2-3 essays each month may have had something to do with that, lol. Personally, I like to think that I have improved over the years, but I digress...

As my writing has improved so substantially since 2009 when I joined this site, I am currently in the middle of rewriting my Novel. Ive changed the title and made a new banner for it and everything, as you might have noticed... Its funny to me that you were 1 of the first to takeup my swap idea here, because YOU were actually kind of the driving force of inspiration for this one-shot, if I'm being honest. And I was going to PM you at some point, to see if you would be interested in giving this a read.

You see, in the process of editing each chapter, I have been reading over the old reviews, taking all suggestions from each one to make the story better. Anyways, Idk if you remember this or not, but in your review for chapter 6 (I believe it was) you had mentioned that you did not like the fact that I had skipped over Draco's conversation with the Minister to regain his freedom. At the time, I had no idea what that conversation would have even looked like, so I did just skim over it. But when I was rewriting everything a few weeks ago, that really got me thinking again; which lead to the changes that included THIS mission to take place right before the story picks up. So now this gives Draco something to exchange for his freedom besides just information, and I really think it ties up alot of my lose ends as well.

To make a long story short, I wrote this whole entire new chapter for AiNFiL&W (now titled: Love, Not War) and it includes the scene where Scrimgeour gives Draco his freedom back. It is intense, and full of drama, and I think that it is one of the best chapters I have ever written! I guess what I'm trying to say here is THANKS, Dan! Thank you for inspiring me to think outside the box, and write something that was outside of my comfort zone. Had it not been for that one review that you left me (2 years ago now, mind you) then I dont think this story, or the new additions to my Novel would have ever happened. Thank you SO much for ALL of your kind and helpful reviews; both now and in the past. I for one am glad to see that you haven't gone anywhere in my year-and-a-half absence, haha!


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Review #18, by Gabriella Hunter Doing the Right Thing

19th August 2014:
HellO!

This is Gabbie from the forums with your review and I'm so sorry that I'm late. I would have been here sooner but I was trying to catch up on some writing and I got distracted. Hahaha.

Anyway, on to this! I like the idea of having Draco weighing his options with his father and mother, I had never really given much though to which parent he truly wanted to impress. In the books you get the sense that he wants to be like his father as he's always saying, "My father, this or that" so I like that you switched this up a bit. I also really enjoyed that you wrote his thought processes so well and gave a lot of detail on how his life was right then, with the Death Eaters on his back and his own conflicting feelings. I wasn't sure if he was actually going to go through with murdering the Minister and what a mission that was! I was really anxious but SO relieved when he didn't make that decision, I was very proud of him but I know that there will be consequences. If you were going to continue this, I'd love to read more, I think that you've developed a very interesting Draco.

I couldn't spot any CC's and I thought that your pace was great and Draco's personality really came alive here. I hope I see you again!

Much love,

Gabbie

Author's Response: Hello again Gabbie!! I didn't think you were late, so no worries there, lol!!

Thanks so much for stopping by to review. I'm glad you enjoyed this. I'm also happy that you liked his decision to make his mother proud, rather than his father. At this point, Lucius has been in Azkaban for over 2 years now, and Narcissa is really the only one he's had in his corner that entire time. So, in my version of events, his choosing to listen to his mother makes the most sense. :)

I actually DO continue this story tho, lol. My Novel; "Love, Not War" takes place 3 months after this mission transpires. There are most definitely dire consequences for Draco's actions here, as you will see if you continue on to read the Novel. ;)

That story is undergoing major revision right now tho, and is therefore not really on par with this story. Not yet anyways, lol. It's a work in progress, but I will certainly come back to re-request reviews from you, one chapter at a time, as the newly edited versions come available to read!! Thanks so much for your interest in this story, your time is very much appreciated!! =)

~Deana~


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Review #19, by pointless_proclamations Doing the Right Thing

18th August 2014:
Hi!

Don't you get down to business straight away? :) The beginning shocked me into paying more attention like snapping your fingers in front of my face, without any offence taken.

I absolutely love this story because Draco is such an amazing character here. You turned his hesitation from a moment of weakness into a moment of strength. I love that you see good in him and the humanity you've associated with him.

He's so likeable in a way that makes so much sense. His motives are very clear. He wants to show that he's not a coward and he wants to make his mother proud. It's no that he doesn't have a choice, he does and he finally sees that. I actually felt his surge of pride for him at the end (the kind that you have when your baby cousin finally says your name right).

Anyway, welcome to my list of favourite stories.

Cheers.

Author's Response: Hey, this was such a nice surprise to come home from work to tonight!! Thank you SOO MUCH for this awesome review. And look; you were the 1st one too, yay!! =D

Haha, when you're only allowed 1,000 words for a challenge, I suppose you have to get straight down to business right away. I'm so glad you like my characterization of Draco so much too! I have been writing him for over 6 years now, so I feel like we understand each other pretty well now, lol. ;)

OMG did you seriously add this to your favorites?? You are too sweet!! Holy cow, THANK YOU SO MUCH! Seriously tho, I have just had such a crappy day at work. But coming home to this review just made my night SOO much better!!! =D

If you are interested in finding out where Draco's story goes from here, and want to see exactly what this choice costs him, then please check out my Novel: Love, Not War also. This was kind of like a prelude to that, so I really think you may enjoy it also. & Now I'm off to go check out your story as well. thanks again for everytning hun!! I seriously do appreciate it. You are awesome!!! ^_^


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