Reading Reviews for Jigsaw
  
88 Reviews Found

Review #1, by StarFeather Piece #4

31st August 2015:
#Last Spurt @ Review NaNo 5/ 21

Hi, Sian. I came back to your Roxanne. The fame that she was also a member of Weasleys seemed to be her burden, but at the same time the name may be her tool for interviewing people for her report. I reckon she wants to stand by herself but reality is she is still a nameless reporter. I could understand how she felt optimistic when the young works stopped to answer her questions. Itís very hard to attract the otherís attention especially when youíre on work.

The description about Archie, you compared to a golden Labrador, is interesting. I felt happy for Roxanne when she succeeded in pulling information from the young workers. Your description of the two was excellent, too. I visualized each character in my mind and enjoyed her questioning them.

Then you inserted the scene of torture. I wonder how you visualized the scene. Have you ever written about the crime scene before? I think itís well written. I wondered if the man who was punished was the missing man.

I smiled at the description George still called her pumpkin and thereíre different vegetable names more. I learned you even say ďDaughters today,Ē we have the similar expression here.

Thank you Sian for sharing your imagination filled with love towards George and Angelina. I could imagine how George became a father and I became happy to find the mischievousness remained inside him. You infused your picture of George's family with life.

Still the question why Fred and Roxanne argued over something isnít answered. Iíll be back at the next chapter!

Kenny

 Report Review

Review #2, by Randomcships Piece #16

31st August 2015:
I saw you'd updated and I just sped over to the latest chapter and I liked this chapter. It felt a bit filler cos there wasn't as much action as the previous chapters but in a good way like sitting down after a bit of a jog. I feel like it was good because we got lots more information about the mysterious potion. I really love how you set the stage and your characterization of Dominique is quite unique and very consistent. Roxanne is my favorite next-gen character and I really love that not much has been going her way for quite a bit of this story because it makes it a lot more compelling and I like how well you've set the stage so the answer isn't immediately obvious but give just enough information at just the right times to keep us guessing. Also, just wanted to say this, I love how throughout this entire story, your characterization of all the characters has remained consistent and your spelling and grammar was nothing short of on point.

 Report Review

Review #3, by long_live_luna_bellatrix Piece #8

30th August 2015:
Back for Piece #8! Also, congrats on your latest update, it's always satisfying to be able to post a new chapter. My goal is to be able to get to the point where I can be the one to leave the first review on a new chapter-- we'll see how I do, depending on your writing speed and my reading speed, but there you have it ;)

You continue to do such a nice job with your portrait of the life of a journalist. I'm not a professional journalist or anything, so I can't exactly critique you on that, but I do continue to enjoy the little details you tack onto various parts of Roxanne's job. When you mentioned the reactions of Upton's friends to her digging, I really felt like I understood her predicament. And when you described Roxanne churning out an article even though it had no new information and was pressing a point that she didn't really believe in, I felt like I got a little bit of a look into the way that the media can push things out of proportion.

A pretty minor point-- when Roxanne is talking to her dad about his business, part of the dialogue was oddly repetitive. First, he mentions something about Bonfire Night then jumps to Skiving Snackboxes, but then a moment later, he jumps back to Bonfire Night as if he hadn't already mentioned it. I don't know if that's just something that popped up because you wrote the conversation in more than just one sitting, but as a reader, it feels a little disjointed.

Overall, I think you handled the family scene very well. That moment when George intervened, with the comment about how important family is, was a really poignant one. That said, I am a little confused by Fred's behavior. It seems very... blunt? I guess I'm surprised at how hostile he's being in a family setting. I'd imagine him to be a little more polite, for the family's sake-- for instance, being curt but not silent with Roxanne, and then, maybe when the parents leave the room, that's when he gets super surly and uncooperative. But I'm not exactly an expert on family feuds, and I still enjoyed reading it, so I guess I'm split.

I was SO nervous that Miranda had gotten to start covering Roxanne's story! And even now, as I assume the two disappearances truly are connected, I'm nervous that they're going to be competing for a single slot on a story. I'm also incredibly curious that you brought up blood status again... Either something very nasty is going on with these disappearances, or you're leading us in the wrong direction on purpose. :P

And WHAT is going on with that final scene? Gah, just when I think I'm on top of everything, you pop something else in. My first guess is that it has something to do with how odd Jane has been acting, and that Jane could be the young women in question. But that's pretty much a shot in the dark.

As always, I feel like I only have good things to say about your writing. Reading this story has been part of me slowly involving myself back in hpff after being pretty absent for awhile, and for the moment this is the only story on the site that I'm reading... Earlier today I found myself thinking, Gosh, I really can't wait to go and read the next chapter of Jigsaw! I'm honestly treating it like any physical book I'm reading, with me really looking forward to coming back to continue getting know the characters. So you should definitely know that you're doing something right here.

 Report Review

Review #4, by long_live_luna_bellatrix Piece #7

25th August 2015:
Hi again! I'm back!

First off, I think it was really interesting that you had some Muggles be present at the crime scene. A small thing, I know, but I think I may have already mentioned that I find wizard-Muggle interactions fascinating, and this is just the sort of thing that makes a lot of sense; of course Muggle are going to stumble over wizard crimes from time to time. It was a nice touch.

It's also so cool the way you're weaving all of the Next Gen children into this! I love how Roxanne runs into her cousins wherever she goes-- it's done so much more subtly than the usual "The Potter-Weasleys run around Hogwarts together making mischief" stories. It's really interesting to see all the jobs you've dreamed up for them, and how they seem to get slowly pulled into this case no matter what.

Once again, you've done SUCH a good job portraying all the nuances of Roxanne's emotions. I feel like I get her so much. The way you have her thoughts jumping around when she talks to Dom, the guilt and the desire to solve the case all jumbling around... It's so good!

Yes, Dom thinks like I do! The jealousy scenario seems like a very possible one. Still, Jane's extended absences do seem a little odd.

I'm really curious about how Richard has been doing throughout this chapter. I was so frustrated when Roxanne didn't get the chance to respond to him before Mockridge came out! You're doing such a good job of continuing to bring back the smaller characters, and reinforcing their unique roles in the story. It makes the story that much stronger, having a familiar cast of supporting characters who pop up every now and then to really round out a scene.

Wow, that death ended up being extremely chilling. The "T" on the hand is just... frightening. Really reminiscent of the Dark Mark, even if it's on a victim instead of one of the attackers. Of course we, the readers, have understood for a little while now how dark this mystery really is, but seeing it through Roxanne's eyes makes it that much creepier. So, good job on taking what is almost old information for us and making it feel fresh.

A word on the first sentence of Roxanne's article: "The body that was yesterday discovered, washed up on Coombe Beach, nearby to the Armstrong residence, has now been formally identified as that of Mr Malcolm Peter Armstrong, aged 42 years." The sentence just seemed very... long. Lots of commas and all that. It was good in that it did what the opening line of an article is supposed to do, and introduces all the most relevant details in one go, but I feel like there could be a smoother way of writing that sentence. Something like, "Authorities have identified the body of Malcolm Armstrong, 42, which was discovered last night on a beach near his residence in town X"?

Gah, as if enough hadn't already happened in this chapter, now you bring up ANOTHER disappearance! No way! And this one's so odd as well... Who are Abbott's superiors, and why is she going against their wishes in reporting this? Why is she so upset? How is this connected to Armstrong? Ahhh.

Well, it was another extremely strong chapter, and I'm only getting more and more invested in the story as it continues. Great job!

 Report Review

Review #5, by MargaretLane Piece #15

18th August 2015:
Poor Roxanne. Not that being single is necessarily a bad thing, but it seems like it's not what she wants at the moment. Personally, I think she is much, MUCH better off without Daniel, but it's obvious she doesn't see it that way. And losing a job is always upsetting. Probably not as catastrophic at 23 as it would be if she were ten years older, with children and a mortgage, but that's probably not much consolation at this point.

Good on Jane. Now that she knows what she wants, I hope it works out for her.

That really is a horrible dilemma to be in - she can't get a job without a reference and she really needs another job to get a reference.

Paul seems like a decent guy. He'd have every right to be annoyed about the way she ignored him. And I like the way he seems genuinely sympathetic about her break-up, regardless of his personal opinions.

And I'm really glad she's starting to see that while she made mistakes, it wasn't just her fault. She really had been glossing over Daniel's part in things and his faults to a point that was almost worrying. It was like she felt she had to apologise for his mistakes as well as her own. I hope she comes to realise that he has a few apologies to make - and some explanations to do to people like Fred about the fact he was wrong about her cheating - if they are to get back together. And at the moment, he doesn't even seem that invested in getting back with her, let alone willing to make amends.

When you refer to the teams they both support, you've written "he two teams" when it should be "the two teams."

Poor Roxanne. But I'm sure George at least will understand. After all, his own early career choices didn't exactly strike his mother as the best ideas. Sticking to the rules in order to please authority and keep your job isn't exactly something I'd see him being too concerned about.

 Report Review

Review #6, by MargaretLane Piece #14

18th August 2015:
Roxanne's reaction to the ostentatiously upper-class ambiance reminds me a little of when we were in college (or "university") and we had some talk about post-graduate study in one of the staff areas and felt sort of out of place.

I LOVE the details about the limitations of the phones.

Coincidentally, the first chapter of my 3rd year story which I've recently posted has my characters talking about how Muggles should make a Quidditch computer game and stuff. And about how unused a lot of wizards are to Muggle technology.

Hmm, there's something odd about Prichard's reaction. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I'm sure it's relevant. His change of demeanor has to mean something.

OK, no, I really DIDN'T expect that ending. But it might turn out to be a good thing. She's now free to pursue what she wants to. And if she DOES get some information about these murderers, I'm sure the papers would be fighting to buy her story.

 Report Review

Review #7, by MargaretLane Piece #13

18th August 2015:
Firstly, apologies for the delay on getting to this. I'm still catching up on fanfiction.

I wish this wasn't something that needed to be said, but I really like the way she isn't too enthusiastic about dressing up. So many stories act like dressing up to go out is the highlight of every woman's existence. And it annoys me when that doesn't seem to fit with anything else we've seen of the character.

I also really like the introduction of a character who hasn't had a boyfriend or girlfriend. And a couple of characters who are single.

And I don't see why Dominique can't stay single forever. Plenty of people do.

Molly seems to take after her dad in a lot of ways.

 Report Review

Review #8, by rover_bond007 Piece #15

18th August 2015:
Thank you so much for updating, I love this story! Really enjoyed getting to know Paul Jordan - so far I like him much more than Daniel.
Looking forward to the next chapter :)

 Report Review

Review #9, by magnifique11 Piece #15

17th August 2015:
I would like to preface this with saying I'm not much of a mystery reader. I like a good, classic mystery TV show, but I've never really gotten into the written stuff. That being said, I loved this. I read all of it in two nights which is saying something considering how busy my life has been lately.

I love Roxanne, but you've made me love her even more because the way you've written her as a next gen character is so compelling. She's frustrating and funny and wonderful and honestly you can't help but love her and root for her - which is basically the goal of writing. To get your reader to have an emotion connection with your character. I adore her and I want to be best friends with her.

So I just have to say this really quick since I've caught on to the brilliance of this story a bit late, when Jane was gone for all that time I was so scared that she would be the next victim. I was screaming at Roxanne to go and check her apartment and make sure she was okay. I was so happy when she was, omg. That was a huge relief.

The mystery btw, WOW. I can tell that you've spent some time thinking this through, it shows in a really good way because I feel just as lost as Roxanne right now and I'm itching to know what's really going on.

Thank you so much for sharing this story, it's so wonderful and I'm so excited for more.

Julie

 Report Review

Review #10, by long_live_luna_bellatrix Piece #6

17th August 2015:
Haha, the cafe where Jane works is so gross. Like, you nailed that "unappealing" atmosphere right on the head. But it was also kind of funny. Like, who would ever want to spend time in a shop with a deaf, aggressive old woman who serves gray, lukewarm tea? Bleck.

I do feel a little bad for Jane. Roxanne's job situation, while (until recently) kind of dreadful, is at least understandable: as a reporter, you have to pay your dues with the small stories before earning the big ones. But being several years out of school, and splitting your time between working at an awful cafe and cleaning rooms at a bank? That's definitely not what anyone envisions for themselves several years out of school.

You're still doing a fantastic job with the whole Daniel thing. I really feel like I'm in Roxanne's skin when she's dealing with him: the awkwardness, the hesitation, the longing, the uncomfortable collision of the closeness of their past with the current distance between them... all of it feels so real. My first thought when she ran into him and he agreed to talk was, "Wait! If that happened to me, I'd be so flustered because this is spontaneous and I haven't had time to plan out my speech in my head yet!" And then I thought maybe I was getting a little too into it. :P Plus, I'm sure Roxanne has been going over what she wants to say for days.

I was SO happy when he said they could try to be friends. I know Roxanne's heart was a little broken all over again, but I was thrilled. It has to be a step in the right direction, right?

And fantastic job on the end of the chapter. It makes it that much more exciting that this development happened when Daniel and Roxanne were together, and that they're even Apparating to the scene together! Lovely job of bringing us back from Roxanne's personal life toward the main mystery too.

Don't think I'm going to forget about Jane, though... There's clearly something happening and while I don't feel like she'd directly connected to the disappearance, something funky is clearly happening.

Great job, as always!

 Report Review

Review #11, by sunnyxxx Piece #15

17th August 2015:
Yay I actually like Paul! I also liked Daniel but can't be dealing with his behaviour towards Roxy right now haha. And I love Ashwar already, and as much as I wish Roxy could get her old job back at the Daily Prophet, I would happily settle for the Orcale, especially if it means we'll be seeing more of Ashwar and Amanda. Jane has a plan, so happy she is out of the slump she was in for a while there. Hoping things get better for Roxy soon too, her being fired was almost too much for me to handle.

Can't wait to see how the mystery plays out, update soon!

 Report Review

Review #12, by StarFeather Piece #3

17th August 2015:
Hi, Sian!

Wow, you set various characters tightly intertwined through the press conference. Do you write the plan about multiple characters before starting to write? Like, who are Roxanneís rivals, victims or boyfriend, or enemies or supporters.. And I wonder why Lily tried not to be aware of her like Fred. Will these questions be answered in the next chapter?

She canít forget her ex- boyfriend Daniel. Is she going to find a new one? I guess you set more romance scene in the next chapters.

You mentioned Harry a little when you describe inside the Ministry. Is it common sense not to write about him in the fan fiction world? Because I read somewhere in the review on my story that itís wiser to avoid the main Canon character to put in the story. I just want to know.

Iím getting one of Roxanneís supporters, so I feel happy each time she succeed in doing pertinent remark at the press conference, and sheís getting the link to the circle of front page reporters, and I guess sheíll find important facts later, itís very thrilling.

One more question, you use the present tense. Is it popular writing style?

Kenny

 Report Review

Review #13, by StarFeather Piece #2

14th August 2015:
Hi, Sian.

I read the chapter 1 and came here. The actress who played Guinevere at bbc Merlin on the banner as Roxanne, itís very fascinating, too.

I always love the description of the sea air and the coldness. To begin with the description of nature surrounded her is a good start to write about her expectation and fear for her first proper job as a journalist. Then you set her as a third person who observed the scene, which led us to the story naturally.

You revealed one of her talents, a talent for remembering names and faces, which will be a key to solve the problem later, wonít it?

I didnít feel bored at the battle of reporters who tried asking the important question to solve the problem, waiting for Roxanne to do it with much expectation. Readers surely want her to perform great deeds. I waited for the moment holding my breath. Then I felt disappointed with her and wished Daniel would do something for her. Each description of their movement of emotion is marvelous, even beautiful. Itís very heartbreaking to read the sentence, ďFor the second time in a month, I look on as Daniel Finch disappears from my life.Ē

Kenny

 Report Review

Review #14, by Roisin Piece #2

13th August 2015:
Back!

I really love how you offer such a nuanced analysis of The Press here. Like, there's a lot to be examined, and you haven't simplified it into any one thing. Canon was /very/ critical of news media, to say the least, but journalism is also really important and often quite a noble pursuit. I like how you've shown all sides of it here. There ethical and moral questions about how much probing is too much, there's the ambition of the individual journalists, there's the stuff about freedom of the press and its sovereignty from government (yet how that freedom also ruffles the Hit Wizards, since the questions aren't pre-approved). I think Roxanne's role in it is all quite sympathetic. While she does have ambition of her own, she definitely doesn't seem like she'd be comfortable compromising her ethics/morals.

Ooh ooh ooh I'm so curious about the disappearance. So many wee threads have been introduced already, and I can't help but suspect that a few of them might be more important than meets the eye (like his job with the wizarding mobile phone industry thingie). I'm also feeling mildly suspicious about Miranda's absence since last chapter. Like, that might just be a plot convenience, but I also feel like there could be more of a story there. So yeah, as of yet, there's so many interesting details and I'm very curious what will end up happening :)

The introduction of Daniel was super well done, because I still have just as many questions about him! If not more, now that his occupation has been introduced. I take it that they were in a relationship, lovers at the very least, but I have no idea how that could have intersected with the Freddie drama. HmMmMmMm.

All in all, this turning out to be such a well crafted mystery! The characters are all so interesting and the scenes are wonderfully rendered and there's a fantastic amount of detail.

Another great chapter!

xoxo
Roisin

 Report Review

Review #15, by Roisin Piece #1

13th August 2015:
OK so I've been wanting to read this for AGES, and since you were brave enough to read my Roxanne story I figured it was high time I drop by :)

OH MAN WHAT A SKETCH OPENING. Pretty brill too, since I don't know /who/ the man is, just that /some dude/ got imperio'd. (And I have a weird irrational fear of the imperius curse. It's sorta the scariest to me).

Hah, what a wonderfully benign headline :)

The scene of the Prophet offices is super vivid. The scenery is so specific and the interactions are really well done. The whole thing paints such a clear picture.

Oh man, The Green Grindylow is SUCH an excellent pub name! And oh no! I'm very curious as to what the family drama might be D:

Ooh ooh ooh, BiG bReAk! So exciting!

Ah! This is such a great first chapter. You did a fantastic job establishing the character and so many threads have been introduced already. I'm so very excited to see how it all comes together!

xoxo
Roisin

 Report Review

Review #16, by long_live_luna_bellatrix Piece #5

13th August 2015:
Great start to this chapter! I have no idea what the scene means, but I like it all the same. The plot thickens, I guess...

I'm so glad the story about Daniel is finally out! I'm not sure how much longer I could have waited patiently ;) But it all makes sense now. This just goes to show how complicated things can get when you've got handfuls of cousins everywhere with their own baggage, and one drunken mistake just kind reverberates out through the family. Poor Roxanne! Although it does seem fishy, what Daniel was doing, being out late and all. I wonder if I'll ever learn more about that...

And oh no, why is Jane avoiding Roxanne?! That can't be good... I can't see her being jealous of Roxanne's big story, but what else could it be? Not a connection to the story? I don't know. Don't think that one slipped by me, I'll be looking out for answers!

So yeah, basically, I'm just really impressed that you had this 4500+ word chapter that was all kind of back story (minus the opening scene) and yet it was still really interesting the whole time and left me feeling like I couldn't possibly have read it as fast as I did. It was great to simultaneously learn more about Roxanne's past but also to get a look at her relationship with Lucy. I like Lucy-- a lot. Everyone needs some bluntness now and then.

Anyway, I liked this chapter and am looking forward to seeing the mystery progress. I like that you include snippets of the articles that Roxanne is writing; it's a good reminder of how this story began in the first place. Plus it mixes things up a little.

I'll be back again soon to read more! I have to say, I've done review tags on and off for awhile, but I've never R&R-ed a chapter of a story only to go through and know that I'd have to keep reading and reviewing. I guess maybe with review tag I usually stick to people's one shots, but this one caught my eye... Plus your recent one shots seemed to have enough reviews that I thought you'd appreciate them on this story more. Either way, I'm really glad I found this!

 Report Review

Review #17, by Aphoride Piece #3

13th August 2015:
Hi Sian - dropping by for our review swap! :) I just had to stop back on this, which I hope is okay, since it's been on my list of things to read and catch up with for so long, and now seemed like such an opportune time :) Hopefully it won't be long until I'm back either! :D

Okay, so you know from previous reviews (I think? :P) that I love Roxanne. She's so brilliant - so earnest and so ambitious, in a way, and so dedicated to the job, and also so in love with it, which I can totally identify with, in a sense. I love how you've got that nervousness when being given a big, new task to do down so perfectly - but she's so excited about it, too, and so looking forward to it. I do like, though, as well, how the human aspect of the story - the disappearance, the people involved - comes through too, and does affect her, and how she has to think of the headlines and kinda the rewards she'll get for the story instead of Malcolm Armstrong's wife sobbing. It gives her this lovely, real feel, you know? :)

I'm so so curious about the titbits revealed in the press conference (and how the wizards have finally kinda grasped the idea of them for the hit wizards and aurors, haha) - how they're now almost certain he didn't leave of his own accord, but won't say why, or anything else about it. And the 'people they're interviewing' about his disappearance... I'm with Obadiah on that one, actually - I'm hoping for an arrest, haha :P I just really wanna know how things progress - what next comes out about it, how Roxanne's story goes and what happens with Miranda and Andy at the office, if anything. You really do work the mystery into this so perfectly, it's amazing! :D

Also, I love how well-rounded the whole of your cast is. Everyone, from Miranda to Andy to Lily - and why does she dislike Roxanne so much? I really hope we find out soon! :D - is just so good and so real as a person. I actually kinda like how cruel Miranda is so Roxanne - it's kinda fun to read, haha, and makes for an interesting work dynamic. Also Jensen Collins... what an idiot, haha. I liked how there was such a difference between the older kids who knew about the war or lived through it, and those who didn't - it just created this real sense of tension in the group, and gave this brilliant reminder of the kind of fear it would give people who had lived through it - that maybe, maybe something was creeping back.

Your writing in this is so great, too - I love your dialogue. It's so amazing, and you manage to make it so easy to distinguish who's saying what, and give the lines so much emotion and everything. It's such a great skill to have! Also, your details in this are incredible. There's so many of them! You're just so so good at including so much detail, and so many little facts, and the description in this is so good, the whole thing just seems to come to life. Like, I can picture the scenes so clearly. It's so so gorgeous, and I'm so excited for what comes next, and so (selfishly, haha) glad there's so much of this up for me to read, because it means more of this ;)

I love this story. Really, really can't leave it so long until I come back! ;) :D

Aph xx

 Report Review

Review #18, by long_live_luna_bellatrix Piece #4

12th August 2015:
Another very solid chapter. :) I'll just hop in and go through the thoughts I had on it, because I was kind of noting them down as I read.

This line: "ĎExcuse me.í My voice is smooth, spinning in the air like sugar." Once again, for all her nerves, when Roxanne has to act fast some instinct seems to take over. She evaluated these employees and she tailors her attitude toward what she sees-- smart going on her part! (By the way, if I ever mention Roxanne but use the name "Rose" I apologize in advance, please don't judge me. I don't know how many times I've accidentally written Rose already and had to delete it. I don't know where the habit's from but it appears to be there)

What a cool idea to have a Pensieve at the office of the Prophet! I really like that, it's a great way to get around the note taking thing. I definitely wouldn't have thought of that. It is also a pretty sneaky way to get around people's nerves about being recorded, as you mentioned.

That part with the captive though! That's so intense. You threw it in at just the right time; just when Roxanne uncovers a rival at the Prophet, you show us that this isn't a simple disappearance, and it's much darker than originally thought as well. Crazy. It's interesting that this is the exact sort of dark thing that Roxanne has never encountered but that was classic Voldemort stuff back in the day. (Another apology: I feel like my tense switching is all over the place in these reviews, so sorry about that...)

It's really funny how George treats his new employee behind the counter. It's also another example of how I feel immediately connected to every character I meet, and this seems like such a George thing to do as well. It's nice to see him both as lovely dad but also as nefarious as ever. This is a grown up George that I like.

There was one typo i saw, when Roxanne mentioned Knockturn Alley to her dad: "recently theyíve tried to distant themselves from it" instead of "distance."

I loved pretty much all the tidbits about Roxanne's parents, whether it was the note about the coffee drinking habits of her mother (what a clever thing to include, it never even occurred to me that the Weasleys are tea drinkers) or the last line of the chapter itself.

Once again, great, great job!

 Report Review

Review #19, by long_live_luna_bellatrix Piece #3

12th August 2015:
Hi again!

I think what I'm enjoying most about this story so far is the characters. Don't get me wrong, I'm a fan of the plot and how it's progressing too, but it's the characters that really have me at the moment. You've done such a wonderful job with Rose, I already care so much for her and can empathize with her challenges. I'll come back to talking about her later. But I also love the cast of characters that's slowly coming into view around her. Whether I'm getting mad at Miranda on Rose's behalf or falling a little in love with Andy for looking out for her, or just watching what's happening with Obediah and Amanda, everyone feels so real and so fascinating. Love it. (In particular, I was so, so satisfied watching Miranda get put in her place)

I noticed that you opened up the chapter with a headline: "Businessman Missing". I wonder, is there a reason you stuck with such a succinct headline? Given that it's a front page story, it should have enough space on a newspaper page to earn a longer headline, and a snappy headline would make the beginning of the chapter just that much more interesting.

One of my favorite lines of the chapter was this one: "I realise that now, itís not even the chance of promotion that is driving me forward Ė itís the story itself. Thereís a chance that I might find out what happened to Malcolm Armstrong before anyone else, and I want to Ė have to Ė solve this mystery." It spoke so much about what this case will become to Rose. I loved learning about this new motivation of hers because it makes her even more genuine than before. Maybe it also betrays a little bit of how fresh a reporter she is; I'd imagine that with reporting, maybe like with medicine, after a while you can't personally invest yourself in every single story you get because it becomes exhausting and counterproductive. But I love it all the same.

This was another interesting moment: "At the sound of my voice, Lilyís brown eyes seem to instinctively find mind, however much sheís trying to pretend that I donít exist. When I see how wide they are, I know that Iíve hit the mark." For me, it demonstrated that Rose might have a natural instinct for reporting. If she got to the heart of the matter in one question, imagine what she'll do in the future... Plus, it was neat that she mentioned that even for her question last chapter, the fact that Mockridge refused to answer it indicated that it was an important question. Yay Rose!

Finally, I think you're really skillfully weaving Rose's personal struggles into the main story about the disappearance. Between the appearance of Lucy and the ending of the chapter (what an ending!) I'm still so curious! Not to mention all the Daniel stuff, of course.

Great job!!!

 Report Review

Review #20, by long_live_luna_bellatrix Piece #2

9th August 2015:
Exciting second chapter! I was immediately drawn into it. I can't say I have any great guesses about the nature of the disappearance, or where the mystery will lead, but I'm enjoying it quite a bit.

You did a really great job with Roxanne in this chapter. I was totally immersed in her character. When Roxanne asked her question and Mockridge refused to answer it, you captured Roxanne's ensuing embarrassment SO WELL. I know this was a tiny moment in the chapter, but I had been hoping Roxanne would ask a question, and I was so proud of her when she did. And when she was ashamed that she got nothing out of Mockridge, well, I really felt for her. This is something that I feel like I've gone through so many times, that everyone goes through: being new to a situation, trying to put oneself out there, just a little, and getting shut down. The worst part is feeling like you've failed-- in reality, no one else really notices because it wasn't that big a deal, but you feel like everyone is judging you. You showed all of that in just a couple sentences. For me, it just captures the essence of Roxanne's mindset for the chapter.

And then, more about Daniel... I'm glad you tossed him in there too, right after mentioning it in the first chapter. So that people like me who sometimes read too fast won't forget about him. :P That whole scene with him was well done, and we still know so little about what happened with him...! I'll just have to wait and see, I guess.

I was also interested by Roxanne's attitude toward Richard... The first time he's introduced, it feels like just that, an introduction. But then Roxanne takes the time to notice how seriously he takes his work... Potential romance? Potentially important character? I'll keep an eye out for him...

Overall, this was a great chapter, and I had a good time reading it. I'm looking forward to seeing Roxanne develop as a reporter and as a person.

 Report Review

Review #21, by long_live_luna_bellatrix Piece #1

8th August 2015:
Hi there! I'm really glad I clicked on this story. It's evident that this is a carefully written first chapter, plenty of attention to detail, so I can only assume that the rest of the story is like that as well. I feel like I have a good introduction to Roxanne through her situation at work, but I'm also intrigued by the other things you hinted at, like the tension with her family and this man Daniel.

Loved the way you ended the chapter with our first real taste of drama (well, scratch that, second: the first couple paragraphs were certainly dramatic). A long way from exploding teapots! In general, I think the way you set up the whole chapter was well done. Sandwiching the slower, more introductory parts between bits of excitement, and throwing in those hints at family turmoil along the way too. The only part I can't quite account for is the long conversation with Violet Toots (I find the name amusing, I hate to admit it-- I promise I'm not a ten year old boy! Is the surname from canon? I couldn't tell, the way you referenced Violet's father implied that it could be). I wonder if Miranda's disappearance has something to do with Roxanne's first story...

It was also interesting that you've thrown some magical phones into the mix. How did you come to that decision? Are the phones going to come into play more farther in the story? Or was it simply that you (like me) can't understand why wizards have all the magic in the worlds at their disposal and the closest thing they have to instantaneous communication is sending talking Patronuses to each other? (I also enjoyed the wizards' distrust of Roxanne's phone in the bar. That I can totally see happening when wizards integrate Muggle technology into their world)

Overall, the writing was extremely tight, and I definitely enjoyed myself. Curious to see where this goes!

 Report Review

Review #22, by Randomcships Piece #14

6th August 2015:
God I really loved this chapter. Especially since I read it the day after the other chapter lol. I really liked how you wrote the scene where Roxanne was getting to her interview, it felt very real and the sudden tension in the room after Roxanne asked her question was also really tangible. I also really felt the sense of peace Roxanne felt at being in the quiet office and her happiness at her article. I wonder, does Pritchard have anything to do with the mysterious characters at the beginning of the chapter, he and Sparks seem too well placed in the story for it to be a coincidence. I really love how talented you are at conveying a very specific atmosphere. i do hope it won't be long till the next update but I don't mind waiting ages for this much quality. :D

 Report Review

Review #23, by Randomcships Piece #13

5th August 2015:
Wow, just started catching up on this story and I really love how great you are at giving us little pieces of the jigsaw puzzle at a time. I mean, I didn't even think of the potion connection and I'm frustrated by the lack of communication with Roxy, from Fred. I mean, boys way to invested in his sister love life and what she does with her boyfriend, even if he's his best friend. Is Fred in love with Daniel? Also, I really wasn't expecting what happened to Jane. I keep expecting one of the golden trio to show up at some point, even though I know they probably wouldn't want to hang out with their aunts and uncles. Is there going to be a burrow dinner in the next few chapters? What are the professions of the other next-gen character? I know James and Lucy are qudditch players and Dominique's a healer and Louis is a radio host and Jane's odd jobs to make ends meet but what about the others? Also, will the mysterious potions dealers make an appearance? or have they already done so? And what use would the other two have for performance enhancing potions? I get Rhiannon, she's a quidditch player, but don't the other two work mostly routine jobs that don't involve heaps of physical activity? did they help develop the potion with some other people? were they testing it out? So many questions, but so many surprising revelations. I look forward to your next update.

 Report Review

Review #24, by patronus_charm Piece #12

11th July 2015:
House Cup 2015 Ė Ravenclaw

Hey Sian! ♥ This is a HC review so will be rambling and confusing, so I hope thatís okay!

Ah, so much drama and tension in the first section, I canít stand it! I need to know who these people are and more detail about them just generally, because youíve kept the suspense going for so long now, I think itís almost painful that I donít know more. :P

Oh, Jane *hugs her tightly* That really is a sorry state to be in, and your description was just spot on as I could picture it so well that it made it even worse to read. Being evicted, losing her job and then thinking Roxy would be too busy to care. Roxyís just one of those lovey people whose heart will always be open to love and care no matter what. I think my heart broke even more when we heard about her family because having to live with them would have just made it a whole lot worse. It was so sweet how easily they started living together though, as they just seemed to get along so well.

Whooo, go Roxy you are fab and I knew you would solve it! (also quickly, go me as I thought they were linked). It is getting ex citing and I guess Iíll deal with the suspense a bit longer as there really are a lot of twists and turns and I have no clue how this will end up which is kind of exciting. It is a very good crime though, having none of them linked as it naturally does make it so much harder to track.

Hmm, the phone call from Richard was very interesting as it does seem to add weight that they are linked. Poor Richard though, he seemed so lost and so scared, I donít think itís him. Though given all the twists in the story, it will probably end up being him. :P

A fab chapter, and I canít wait for more! ♥

-Kiana

 Report Review

Review #25, by MargaretLane Piece #12

20th June 2015:
Ravenclaw, House Cup 2015.

I'm delighted this task came up because I'd completely forgotten I hadn't read this chapter yet. I've been crazy busy recently and things are only going to get busier from next week. Sorry about the delay.

Oooh, this is an extremely ominous beginning. It sounds like they are planning to murder somebody, somebody who is already injured or something. It could be Jane. I wouldn't be surprised.

And the way she looks when Roxanne appears in her flat makes it seem even more likely. If she were just having an affair with Daniel, she might look upset to be confronted with Roxanne, but it's fairly obvious she's been stressed and/or unhappy for a while and I don't think an affair would be enough to do that. I reckon she's got in over her head somehow. Maybe it's something to do with her lack of money. Somebody might have paid her to do something dodgy and she might not have realised QUITE how serious it was until it was too late.

Poor Jane. Maybe her disappearance is innocent, but I'm not convinced. It seems to work too well with the part at the beginning about a "her" and of course, packing up would fit with running away. And Aggie kind of gave the impression Jane had left her job, not that she wouldn't have a job because the place was closing. Of course she isn't the most reliable, so maybe I'm reading too much into this, but it's a mystery, so I'm going to remain suspicious.

Poor Jane. She's still quite young and it's tough to have limited or no family support when you're still just starting out in adult life.

Oh, actually, it's probably the Chaser they are afraid will give them away, since there would be no reason to question if Jane would live.

Hmm, not sure telling Daniel is the best idea. I'm still pretty suspicious of HIM.

10 minutes makes for quite a long time on a phone call. They don't seem to get much said in it. I know there were a couple pauses, but they'd need to be pretty long to only get that much said in nine minutes.

Really intriguing chapter. It's sort of persuaded me Jane's innocent, but that's about all the help it's been to me.

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>